Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART ONE

[HelluvaHoax!]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Nominees for the TOSM Awards:

In no particular order, further nominations welcomed.

1. MU on PR and Damage Control
Taking out a full page advert refuting Going Clear. Definitely top of this category.

2. Squirrel Busters
Images of aging, unhinged Scientologists in shorts paddling a boat around Marty Rathbun's house endlessly, pop into mind whenever I think the words: you gotta be kidding me. It doesn't even have to be sci-related.

3. Squirrel Busters 2 - The Head Cam
Do I need to say more?

4. ShermanSpeak
"You are witnessing a space-time continuum where clocks stand still"
So many stupids, not enough internet to list them all.

5. L Ron Hubbard
Nuclear Physicist
War Hero
Musician

6.The Hole and Shelly Miscavige
Imprisonment and disappearance. Regardless of whether the victims swear it was voluntary or not, these acts of abuse have a very dark soul. I don't think we have heard the worst of it.

LOLOL. Cool post.

Now, about Dan "SuperBabbler" Sherman's "You are witnessing..." quote:

It's soooooooo stupid that I can't decide whether you made it up just to be hilarious---or if perhaps Sherman wrote it on the 7th day of a sleepless drunkfest where he stayed up around the clock an entire week--guzzling booze and slur-shouting "FuckYeah!!!" back at the TV as he watched endless re-runs of Twilight Zone episodes.

 

[anonomog]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

LOLOL. Cool post.

Now, about Dan "SuperBabbler" Sherman's "You are witnessing..." quote:

It's soooooooo stupid that I can't decide whether you made it up just to be hilarious---or if perhaps Sherman wrote it on the 7th day of a sleepless drunkfest where he stayed up around the clock an entire week--guzzling booze and slur-shouting "FuckYeah!!!" back at the TV as he watched endless re-runs of Twilight Zone episodes.

That description has a bizarre ring of truth to it.

I couldn't make it up, it is beyond my abilities. Although it would be a fun thread, Spot the Real Sherman Speak (and win an Ideal Org).
It was a quick Google for "Shermanspeak" and bingo a Mike Rinder's post came up. That quote gave me instant brainfreeze headache, so it got the honours.
http://www.mikerindersblog.org/scientology-new-years-hype/

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

...

PART II: The sentence that shook the world!

“You are witnessing a space time continuum where clocks stand still...."

OMG, LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Sherman actually wrote that freakishly meaningless & stupid sentence! LOL

COB actually spoke that self-adulating cult gibberish! LOL

​

LINK HERE
You can’t make this up. Former Scientologist turned critic Mike Rinder posted this speech on his website earlier. It’s Scientology chief David Miscavige’s speech at the closing of the recent 30th anniversary cult gala in the UK. Your friends Tom Cruise and John Travolta were in attendance.

Miscavige, whom Cruise reveres, told the audience “We are everywhere and everyone.” In italics.

He also said “You are witnessing a space time continuum where clocks stand still, and production hits levels that are are almost supernatural.”

​

Scientologists: They cheerily brag "We are everywhere!". That sounds suspiciously like the huge wins that cockroaches post before the exterminator is called.

 

[guanoloco]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

...

PART II: The sentence that shook the world!

“You are witnessing a space time continuum where clocks stand still...."

OMG, LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Sherman actually wrote that freakishly meaningless & stupid sentence! LOL

COB actually spoke that self-adulating cult gibberish! LOL

​

​

Scientologists: They cheerily brag "We are everywhere!". That sounds suspiciously like the huge wins that cockroaches post before the exterminator is called.

...buttered all over the universe...

 

[guanoloco]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

“You are witnessing a space time continuum where clocks stand still...."

Well...technically speaking...if you take into account the fact that they're using mimeographs and telex machines and three basket comm systems...this would be true...fedora hats in the Marcab...

 

[guanoloco]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Normally I don't do this...but...

From

Psychiatrists' using Dianetic and Scientology ideas​

Have to check historics. If it is a rip off it's either a legally good one or a bad one as of now. It could be on another octave of metaphysics between high and low; as in his version may deal exclusively with the subconscious and/or unconscious equivelants, and not the body atoms that used to be part of dinosaurs gruesomely slaughtered, or such. It may not even address ghost charged atoms within the brain field not [corrrction: not=nor] actual spiritual dynamics and statics in other hyperspace time line clones sentient or not.

...it's Scientology...

 

[Type4_PTS]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

...

LINK HERE
You can’t make this up. Former Scientologist turned critic Mike Rinder posted this speech on his website earlier. It’s Scientology chief David Miscavige’s speech at the closing of the recent 30th anniversary cult gala in the UK. Your friends Tom Cruise and John Travolta were in attendance.

Miscavige, whom Cruise reveres, told the audience “We are everywhere and everyone.” In italics.

He also said “You are witnessing a space time continuum where clocks stand still, and production hits levels that are are almost supernatural.”​

Scientologists: They cheerily brag "We are everywhere!". That sounds suspiciously like the huge wins that cockroaches post before the exterminator is called.

That part which I turned red sounds suspiciously familiar.

 

[Churchill]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

To me, this picture is evocative of the beautiful and powerful scene in the film version of Alex Haley's Roots, where the newborn infant is held aloft to the backdrop of a nighttime sky as if being presented to the universe.

What this picture doesn't show, is that the child will most likely not be vaccinated due to the ignorance and predisposition to belief in conspiracy theories on the part of the parents.

But for Farrakhan, it's a win-win, because if the child later contracts a preventable disease, he can place the blame on white, preferably Jewish doctors, and his flock will believe it.

That's how cults work, folks.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

..

That description has a bizarre ring of truth to it.

I couldn't make it up, it is beyond my abilities.

Although it would be a fun thread,
Spot the Real Sherman Speak (and win an Ideal Org).
​

It was a quick Google for "Shermanspeak" and bingo a Mike Rinder's post came up. That quote gave me instant brainfreeze headache, so it got the honours.

http://www.mikerindersblog.org/scientology-new-years-hype/

Well, once again, it has been proven: Scientology--it's always way stupider than you think.

On that thought, we turn our attention to a major VIP event in 2011, where COB addressed the most able beings on the planet:

COB
...and thus that brings us to that rarest of rare moment
one seldom is privileged to witness within one lifetime. For
events such as what I am about to reveal are not only
not commonplace-they are the divine essence of an
alchemy that only Scientology's advance levels can
produce. We're not only talking about the turbo-charger
of all turbo-chargers when it comes to boosting
a thetan's ability up into the stars, but I am referring
to that which mankind has always held to be sacred--and
the reason it is only spoken of in hushed tones. Of course
I am referring to a rundown that L. Ron Hubbard himself
described as, and I quote: "Unleashing such a hurricane
of power into the hands of an OT that they will
never again succumb to the MEST universe's
dwindling spiral!" And beyond that lies the
dreams that mankind could only pray were
possible, but we have redefined man's
playbook and inserted our own chapter
called "Why pray when you can Postulate?"
and thus begins an era of prosperity unlike
any we have ever witnessed, because our
trajectory towards immortality has never
been better calculated nor more assured
and that's not even all of the story--because
there are echelons of win now
available that are so far above OT VIII
that the Grade Chart would have
to be printed on an endless roll
of parchment that stretched from
here all the way to the distant
galaxies and back!!"​

So, did COB really say that in a recorded speech?

Or, was it made up by me, or someone as a joke or parody?

Yes, you say, but it's far too ridiculous to be real.

It's far too stupid, right? LOL

Are you quite sure?

What about "Scientology--it's always way stupider than you think" ?

Each man, woman and child will have to look deep within themselves to find the answer of whether that speech is authentic or not.

This is ESMB. We don't evaluate for people here.

 

[anonomog]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

That part which I turned red sounds suspiciously familiar.

I can see the Far Side cartoon now:
"Looking for inspiration, 10 drinks and 3 hours sleep beyond self-preservation, Sherman accidentally finds Anonymous..."

 

[guanoloco]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

That part which I turned red sounds suspiciously familiar.

OMG!!! COB has snapped terminals with Anoymous!!!

Let me get this straight...you become what you resist...I know Ron was and is certainly anonymous...

Anybody seen Ron lately? Ron? Ro-on? Come on out, Ron.

 

[ForLease]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

As far as the TOSM Awards, I believe El Wrong deserves a Lifetime Achievement Award.

It would be totally unfair for any other nominee to have go up against him.



Also, perhaps categories could include:

Best Use of Postulates to find a parking space
Most Incomprehensible Facebook Post (to be nominated by BlackRob)
Best Use of Shatter and Confront Technology to run and hide from Protestors
Most Puerile Nickname for Nancy Cartwright
The Typeset Statuette for Zero Spelling Errors in a Flyer (no nominees this year)
Most Ridiculous Use of a Uniform to prop up a cult front organization (Wog AND Sea Org Divisions)
Word Clearer Maximus (given to anyone who can paraphase with clarity one sentence of Shermanspeak)
The Streisand Effect Commendation with Honors (Davey M won't let us have awards if he doesn't get one!)

 

[Victoria]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

..





Well, once again, it has been proven: Scientology--it's always way stupider than you think.

On that thought, we turn our attention to a major VIP event in 2011, where COB addressed the most able beings on the planet.



.

"echelons of win"
Thats pure HH!!!!

 

[AngeloV]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Talk about stupid (and deluded), the website Foundation for a Drug-Free World (a scientology front group) has a glaring omission.

It lists over a dozen illegal drugs & prescription drugs and goes on and on about their dangers and destructive side effects.
It talks about educating young people on the dangers of drug use. It describes the dangers of alcohol - "As for how it affects the mind, it is best understood as a drug that reduces a person’s ability to think rationally and distorts his or her judgment." (italics mine)

But amazingly enough there is not one single word about:

Nicotine!​

That's right! One top four most addictive drugs known to man is not listed on their website. Cigarettes, which cause millions of deaths worldwide each year from cancer and other cardio-pulmonary diseases garners nary a mention:

Ex-scientologists will easily guess why this is the case: LRH smoked cigarettes...specifically the Kool brand. There are pictures of him smoking and in one, a pack of Kools is sitting on his desk in front of him.

Further, in one bulletin or policy letter or lecture, Hubbard even stated that the reason a person gets cancer from cigarette smoking is because he is not smoking enough! Nicotine simply can't be bad for you because Hubbard smoked.

Incredible & stupid, but true.

 

[guanoloco]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Talk about stupid (and deluded), the website Foundation for a Drug-Free World (a scientology front group) has a glaring omission.

It lists over a dozen illegal drugs & prescription drugs and goes on and on about their dangers and destructive side effects.
It talks about educating young people on the dangers of drug use. It describes the dangers of alcohol - "As for how it affects the mind, it is best understood as a drug that reduces a person’s ability to think rationally and distorts his or her judgment." (italics mine)

But amazingly enough there is not one single word about:

Nicotine!​

That's right! One top four most addictive drugs known to man is not listed on their website. Cigarettes, which cause millions of deaths worldwide each year from cancer and other cardio-pulmonary diseases garners nary a mention:

Ex-scientologists will easily guess why this is the case: LRH smoked cigarettes...specifically the Kool brand. There are pictures of him smoking and in one, a pack of Kools is sitting on his desk in front of him.

Further, in one bulletin or policy letter or lecture, Hubbard even stated that the reason a person gets cancer from cigarette smoking is because he is not smoking enough! Nicotine simply can't be bad for you because Hubbard smoked.

Incredible & stupid, but true.

Smokers are dramatising volcanoes. Ron researched and mapped out the ONLY path through the Wall of Fire and if YOU, the being, follow that path exactly you can go free! I'm not talking about some MEST meatbody wog dramatization like the "Free at last!" birthday celebration that is happening today for that abberree MLK, Jr. I'm talking about for real!!

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Top 100 Stupid No Results in Scientology

...

FIFY​

​

"The only thing you can be upbraided for
by students or pcs is no results.
Trouble spots occur only where
there are no results."
(L. Ron Hubbard - "Keeping Scientology Working")

​

 

[Freeminds]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Here's a Stupid Moment, although it's pre-Scientology:

Jack Parsons attempts to conduct the 'Babalon Working', which is a dark ritual involving 'Sex Magick', and who does he choose for his assistant?

L Ron Hubbard, the man whose writings at that period record that he was struggling with impotence.

Needless to say, the 'Sex Magick' did not go well and they didn't manage to create their 'Moonchild'.

Then Ron stole Jack's money and his girlfriend instead.

 

[Jump]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Here's a Stupid Moment, although it's pre-Scientology:

Jack Parsons attempts to conduct the 'Babalon Working', which is a dark ritual involving 'Sex Magick', and who does he choose for his assistant?

L Ron Hubbard, the man whose writings at that period record that he was struggling with impotence.

Needless to say, the 'Sex Magick' did not go well and they didn't manage to create their 'Moonchild'.

Then Ron stole Jack's money and his girlfriend instead.

And sailed off in Jack's yacht.

 

[Anonycat]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Hubbard runs away with the girlfriend of Parsons, the leader of a sex-magick cult, marries her, scams him out of money with the premise of starting a business flipping yachts, takes his boat, and starts scientology. The next stupid moment is when people start following Hubbard.

 

[oneonewasaracecar]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Here's a Stupid Moment, although it's pre-Scientology:

Jack Parsons attempts to conduct the 'Babalon Working', which is a dark ritual involving 'Sex Magick', and who does he choose for his assistant?

L Ron Hubbard, the man whose writings at that period record that he was struggling with impotence.

Needless to say, the 'Sex Magick' did not go well and they didn't manage to create their 'Moonchild'.

Then Ron stole Jack's money and his girlfriend instead.

The good news is Ron found a cure for his impotence:

Stealing from people who trust him and abandoning his wife (the first wife - the one he had).