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TOP FIVE REGRETS OF THE DYING

Glenda

Crusader
You know there is kind of a fine line for me between not fearing death and wanting death. I do tend to blame Scn for some of these issues I had pre Scn. It made them much much worse though.

I often wonder if I had something bad physically to me if I would have the will to live now. I ask myself the question why do we want to live? Much of it for me is for others for my family it wound hurt if I was gone. Really that is probably the only reason I am alive now. It is not healthy, you need to live because of yourself because you want to, not because of someone else. I have worked through many of these isuues and I am living for myself mainly now, no thanks to Scn.

I was going to post in Glenda's 10 year thread but it will be OK here. I was really never indoctrinated into Scn but it dam sure took a lot away from me . It took me away from myself. I had trouble knowing what I felt or thought. I think death would have been preferable. W/O including Hubbard's ideas and making them your own you are left with nothing if you are erased in processing. In a way you are dead. I have never fully came back to life after this death. I do think my recovery was easier because of this lack of Scn ideas. I can relate to what Glenda says. With someone like her you have to first unlearn and then learn yourself again. I only have to learn myself again. Simpler said than done. It is hard to raise the spirit from death to life. In a way it may have been better to have been indoctrinated as you were never dead, there was always life.

The ramblings of an insane mind. LOL

I think I totally get what you mean. It takes away so much of the essence of an individual. It takes away their beauty and their uniqueness. You end up with all these happy-clappy clone-like people, with emptiness in their eyes. I was dead inside as a true-believing scientologist. I had become a person that no longer had original thoughts of my own, that behaved in ways that were all aligned with the scientology system. I could not see that. I had been trained not to. The walking dead, with shallow smiles on their faces. Pawns in a nasty cruel sick game.

Reconnecting with my true inner self, with life with all its greyness and uncertainty was an extraordinary process. Painful, joyful, and every other damn thing in between. The big questions like "who am I, really?" and "why did I sell my soul like this?" were not easy to answer because they are so intimate and isolating. No one can answer them other than self. I guess for me, commitment was key. I committed myself to becoming loyal to experiencing myself without external influences. I'm not sure that makes sense.
 

lotus

stubborn rebel sheep!
The big questions like "who am I, really?" and "why did I sell my soul like this?" were not easy to answer because they are so intimate and isolating. No one can answer them other than self. I guess for me, commitment was key. I committed myself to becoming loyal to experiencing myself without external influences. I'm not sure that makes sense.

Emphasis mine.


You did not sell your soul Glenda..your soul is intact...:no:
you only have been betrayed, manipulated and got confused for a while ....this is a mental\emotional struggling due to brain implanting whithout you (us) being aware of it.

But your higher self said: '' Glenda you must get the courage to leave, because you know there is something wrong..Let's go girl...even if you are afraid..just do it...''

And you did it!

You have done your very best at a time there was a tremendous amount of confusion and fears implanted in your mind (stucked in a lonely downward struggling) ..but your higher self remained intact...that is YOU and you are just fine and perfect, strong as you emerged out of it as a stronger being

We all have been mentally manipulated as you did Glenda..most of us see it, some don't see it, some denies it...but there was something extremely vicious, it's like a pedophile who gives candy to small kids to trap them..See..we didn't have a clue that such things (what was coming next, in the cult of darkness) were about to come

Poor victim????

No...good people who thought they were to save the planet and human being from suffering...

A few remained and will remain within such cults..because they sold their soul to the devil...
but you DIDN'T, neither did I...thus, me, Lotus had stopped to ask myself this question: Why did I sell my soul? but finally realized I made mistakes by wrong views and judgements (planted in our brain)...and those experiences changed and reshaped me in a way I don't anymore need groups approbation...(I am cold to that...)..I do only what I think is okay...I remain a rebel...and take love as a gift...given to me from people who know my light and shadows and love it as I do with them. It's what we love to call freedom and we cherish so much...

This was the price we paid to embrace freedom! It's often when we lose something, suffer and struggle to get it back that we know how we value it; we are gratefull to have recover it that we keep it as a treasury.

Some people will never get the taste of such freedom...because they don't want to pay what it cost...to have lonelyness for your sole company, till it becomes your very best friend... the one who sees and tell things as they are..the one who never fails to wait for you...and the one who let you be who you are... :wink2:

[video]https://youtu.be/RZYpzXjdtwg[/video]


Some people never have a clue of their darkness, because it takes a lot of courage to loot at it..and much much much light to see the shadows...

Embrace your shadow self , it's your inner light that lets you see it. :wink2:

The more shadows there are, means the more your light is lightening . :coolwink:
 
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Glenda

Crusader
Emphasis mine.


You did not sold your soul Glenda..your soul is intact...:no:
you only have been betrayed, manipulated and got confused for a while ....this is a mental\emotional struggling due to brain implanting whithout you being aware of it.

But your higher self said: Glenda you must get the courage to leave, because you know there is something wrong..Let's go girl...even if you are afraid..do it...

And you did it!

You have done your very best at a time there was a tremendous amount of confusion and fears implanted in your mind (stucked in a lonely downward struggling) ..but your higher self remained intact...that is YOU and you are just fine and perfect, strong as you emerged out of it as a stronger being

We all have been mentally manipulated as you did Glenda..most of us sees it, some don,t see it, some denies it...but there was something extremely vicious, it's like pedophile who gives cady to small kid to trap them..See..we didn't have a clue that such things (what was coming in the cult of darkness) were about to come

Poor vicitm????

No...good people who thought they were to save the planet and human being drom suffering...

A few remained and will remain within such cults..because they sold thei soul to the devil...
but you DIDN'T...thus, me, Lotus had stopped to ask myself this question: Why did I sell my soul? but finally realized I made mistakes by wrong views and judgements...and those experiences changed and reshaped me in a way I don't anymore need groups approbation...(I am cold to that...)..I do only what I think is okay...I remain a rebel...and take love as a gift...given to me from people who know my light and shadows and love it as I do with them. It's what we love to call freedom and we cherish so much...

This was the price we paid to embrace freedom! It's often when we lose something, suffer and struggle to get it back that we know how we value it; we are gratefull to have recover it that we keep it as a treasury.

Some people will never get the taste of such freedom...because they don't want to pay what it cost...to have lonelyness for your sole company, till it becomes your very best friend... the one who see and tell things as they are..the one who never fail to wait for you...and the one who let you be who you are... :wink2:

[video]https://youtu.be/Q4oInT79CUk[/video]


Some people never have a clue of their darkness, because it takes a lot of courage to loot at it..and much much much light to see the shadows...

Embrace your shadow self , it's your inner light that lets you see it. :wink2:

The more shadows there are, the more your light is lightening. :coolwink:

Wow. Excuse me while I weep. Excuse me while I soak up your wisdom. :heartflower:
 
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Knows

Gold Meritorious Patron
This guy is going to regret this before he dies....


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WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron
You know there is kind of a fine line for me between not fearing death and wanting death....I often wonder if I had something bad physically to me if I would have the will to live now. I ask myself the question why do we want to live?

I know what you mean. For people with kids and grandkids, I think they want to live for them. For those of us without that, well.....

I had a sister who had three kids and was looking forward to grandkids. But she died too young from cancer, before her sons married. Now there are two grandkids but she didn't get to see them. She fought and struggled with her illness for two years, wanting to hang on as long as possible. There's no fairness in these things. If there's a God, why not take me instead? Why her?

After a certain age, I think getting a terminal illness that takes us quickly is better than lingering for years in a nursing home. A blessing.

As I said, I don't fear death, but I do fear suffering.

Yeah, I can be a real downer sometimes. Sorry.
 

Helena Handbasket

Gold Meritorious Patron
I'm sorry Helena, but I feel compelled to ask the awkward question; how have I played a role in the CREATION of the physical universe? I know I don't remember doing it. (Please don't tell me that's why I can't 'undo' it now.)

I need something a little more [strike]scientific[/strike] plausible than a glib 'We did it through our considerations' I'm afraid.
Okay, this is how it's done:

You split off a piece of your own theta substance. (This does not leave you diminshed in any way.) Then you give it the "job" of being a particle of MEST. Then you give it a whiling motion or whatever, and encapsulate it with a shield to "hide" it, making it a particle with a very resistive case.

Now you make some more particles and build something with them, and put them into the physical universe that you and others have been building. This is your creation.

To totally escape the physical universe, you have to "audit" these particles back to when they were made. Then, that piece of the physical universe no longer exists and it no longer binds you TO the physical universe.

MEST is nothing more than these particles. There is no other kind of MEST.

Of course, creating particles is an ability long since lost.

Helena
 

strativarius

Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
Okay, this is how it's done:

You split off a piece of your own theta substance. (This does not leave you diminshed in any way.) Then you give it the "job" of being a particle of MEST. Then you give it a whiling motion or whatever, and encapsulate it with a shield to "hide" it, making it a particle with a very resistive case.

Now you make some more particles and build something with them, and put them into the physical universe that you and others have been building. This is your creation.

To totally escape the physical universe, you have to "audit" these particles back to when they were made. Then, that piece of the physical universe no longer exists and it no longer binds you TO the physical universe.

MEST is nothing more than these particles. There is no other kind of MEST.

Of course, creating particles is an ability long since lost.

Helena

Thank you for your explanation HH. While I have some difficulty taking what you've written on board, may I make a suggestion? Why don't you start a new religion? You could call it 'scientelelepathy' or something. You never know, you might get rich. :biggrin:
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
I know what you mean. For people with kids and grandkids, I think they want to live for them. For those of us without that, well.....

I had a sister who had three kids and was looking forward to grandkids. But she died too young from cancer, before her sons married. Now there are two grandkids but she didn't get to see them. She fought and struggled with her illness for two years, wanting to hang on as long as possible. There's no fairness in these things. If there's a God, why not take me instead? Why her?

After a certain age, I think getting a terminal illness that takes us quickly is better than lingering for years in a nursing home. A blessing.

As I said, I don't fear death, but I do fear suffering.

Yeah, I can be a real downer sometimes. Sorry.



You're anything but a downer WildKat .... your honesty is fantastic.

I also lost a sister to cancer ... as far as I know I'm healthy but if I ever find myself in a position where I'm alone and terminal (to the point of misery or the inability to take care of myself) I will make arrangements to "off" myself while I still can because there is nothing on this earth that will encourage me to enter a nursing home.

End of.

:no:



 

WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron


You're anything but a downer WildKat .... your honesty is fantastic.

I also lost a sister to cancer ... as far as I know I'm healthy but if I ever find myself in a position where I'm alone and terminal (to the point of misery or the inability to take care of myself) I will make arrangements to "off" myself while I still can because there is nothing on this earth that will encourage me to enter a nursing home.

End of.

:no:


Thanks. I see myself as practical, logical. Others may see my practicality as "dark" LOL
 

strativarius

Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
I have considered it. The starting point, of course, would to be to write a book on my beliefs.

Helena

I should have put the word religion in between quotation marks, like in the way scientology is a "religion".

There's nowt so queer as folk. If you started a movement that proposed eating gooseberries for breakfast would add twenty years to your life span, you'd get adherents. So write your book and go for it.
 

strativarius

Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
As far as the subject matter of this thread is concerned, I saw a fragment of a tv programme last night in which a woman said something along the lines of she was glad she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and had only eighteen months to live because she now lived every day to the absolute maximum whereas before she felt she had just been wasting her time. Furthermore she said it was for that reason she would not want to change her circumstances and go back to living a 'normal' life without the threat of cancer shortening it.

For some reason I found I didn't want to watch any more of the programme.
 
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