HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
.Is the app free?
A great PR move would be to offer a bunch of awesome free programming with zero proselytizing, thereby normalizing their brand and getting a huge audience of “normal” people hooked in to whom they could proselytize later...
Great PR and scamology never mix though.
Perfect idea! So good that we can be perfectly assured that the COS will never, ever, ever have zero-proselytizing programming.
If I was hired as the cult's programming director, my first show in production would be named:
HEY! WE'RE SCIENTOLOGISTS
AND WE'RE TOTALLY NORMAL!
It would have a set just like THE TONIGHT SHOW with a big band that plays an uptone fanfare as the host MC (JEFF POMERANTZ) comes running in, laughing and booming his bouncy, smarmy, markabian-game-show-host-voice, as he announces:
MC
Hey! We're Scientologists! And we're totally normal!
And you can see how normal we are because we
talk and act just like normal people.
Hey! We're Scientologists! And we're totally normal!
And you can see how normal we are because we
talk and act just like normal people.
The applause signs in the studio begin strobing and the entire audience (Scientologists in good standing, with above-center OCAs and ethics clearance) erupts into a standing ovation. They just keep standing and cheering a creepily extended time.
MC
So, hey! Our first guest today is a totally normal person.
And they are a Scientologist. But you'll notice by the way they
talk and act when I bring them out, how normal they are! Really
really normal, like--normal people. So, let's all give a big round of
welcoming applause to the totally normal, normal-acting normal
person who is a Scientologist, Michael Roberts!
Roberts bounds out with a crazy fixed grin and zombie eyes, takes a seat.
ROBERTS
Wow, thanks for having me on the show!
MC
Hey Michael, you look so....normal.
What have you been up to lately?
ROBERTS
Well, that's a great question, Jeff. And my goodness
you are sure are looking really normal yourself.
MC
Wow, thanks, I feel really normal!
ROBERTS
That's amazing, because I was just going to say that
I have been feeling totally normal myself! And now
that I am here on your show, I feel----super normal!
MC
I mean even though you are an upper level Scientologist
i think our audience will agree that you really act and
speak just like a normal person!
Wow, thanks for having me on the show!
MC
Hey Michael, you look so....normal.
What have you been up to lately?
ROBERTS
Well, that's a great question, Jeff. And my goodness
you are sure are looking really normal yourself.
MC
Wow, thanks, I feel really normal!
ROBERTS
That's amazing, because I was just going to say that
I have been feeling totally normal myself! And now
that I am here on your show, I feel----super normal!
MC
I mean even though you are an upper level Scientologist
i think our audience will agree that you really act and
speak just like a normal person!
AUDIENCE LEAPS TO THEIR FEET FOR ANOTHER EXTENDED STANDING OVATION
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