TED #4

[Empress]

T.E.D. #4
BY THE EMPRESS
It has come to my attention that a malicious rumor is circulating to the effect that I have been haunting certain floors of the Garfield Bank building on Sunset in Hollywood, across the street from the Lingerie Club -- not far really from Simply Blues which in my opinion has really deteriorated as good blanketting territory just within the last few months -- trying to figure out a way to get MY money away from THOSE people. Not true. Listen:
Words are for liars.
Sellers and buyers.
As you can see from the above two lines, I have unmistakable skill in the area of rhyme. Combined with my proven musical ability (as evidenced by my recent album) I will be living my next life as a multi-media, high-powered, mega-volt, rock-and-roll superstar the likes of which this ball of mud has never seen. So you see, all that money that's just sitting there waiting for me to figure out a way to get my hands on it before those idiots spend it all is really not an issue at all, since we all know what even ordinary wog superstars make.
Of course, to accomplish this stellar goal, once again I am counting on the help of you, my special friends. Specifically, I need each of you to answer the following survey questions so that I will know how to most effectively mock myself up:
1) Which of Elvis' features would you say was most singularly responsible for his respectable albeit musically and historically unimportant success?
2) Where would you rate Jim Morrison's sideburns on the tone scale?
3) Which of the know-to-mystery scale positions most completely describes Mick Jagger's lips?
4) Does Billy Idol's hair style suggest an inflow, an outflow, a ridge, a dispersal, an explosion or an implosion?
5) Would you say that the essence of rock-and-roll is represented best by: a) narrow, angry, squinty eyes, b) large, dreamy, "bedroom" eyes, or c) sunglasses?
Please send your results to me via telepathic telex.
Since by the time I have reincarnated and come of age names will all have been converted to numbers (in celebration, no doubt, of my prophetic announcement some three years back that "the world has gone computer"), look for me under the name of "8-8008" which I am having my attorneys reserve for me so that I will have the most powerful name on the planet, virtually guaranteeing me a position of preeminence in my chosen field! Count on me to leave nothing to chance, no stone unturned, no stool unexamined.
Now for the second order of business. To celebrate the imminent release of OT8 I am issuing the following revision of the tone scale:
There is a grave mistake in the old tone scale. It lists Body Death at 0.0. Actually, Body Death is many degrees above 40.0 - after all, how right can you be? Dead right! So Body Death is 60.0, followed by Blame at 80.0 and Worshiping Bodies at 100.0. As you can see, it's really been quite an upscale rocket ride for me these last several months! Now go home and make those corrections to the tone scales on your walls!
Also, please make the following change to the ethics conditions. Cross out Non-Existence. I am hereby ordering the complete removal, destruction, pulverization, obliteration and vetting of any and all references to the ethics condition of Non-Existence. Recent research has proven beyond a doubt that the concept is much too highly charged for general consumption, in fact is an END WORD, and I never originated it. It was insidiously planted in the materials by one of the many suppressives I hired from time to time as my closest personal advisors.
Well, I would love to stick around and chat with you for hours and hours, but I'm much too busy for that and I'm sure I've already given you enough heady cognitions to keep you all F/Ning for weeks and weeks to come, eh?
So, now I must get back to work:
"It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah..."

 

[DagwoodGum]

I have unmistakable skill in the area of rhyme. Combined with my proven musical ability

Did you drive an Aston Martin until crashing it in 1966?
Then you were a bad boy and let your face grow long and never played with your band again,
soon replaced by B.S.?
Upon which time your eyes changed from brown to hazel and your hair swirled round the opposite way?
I might know who you are then.

 

[TomKat]

Did you drive an Aston Martin until crashing it in 1966?
Then you were a bad boy and let your face grow long and never played with your band again,
soon replaced by B.S.?
Upon which time your eyes changed from brown to hazel and your hair swirled round the opposite way?
I might know who you are then.

Paul is dead man, like he got all walrused on eggs man, like for sure, I mean, like yeah

 

[DagwoodGum]

Paul is dead man, like he got all walrused on eggs man, like for sure, I mean, like yeah

I saw Faul (maybe but I can only speculate) on Letterman where he seems to let the cat out of the bag after first claiming the rumor came to be only because it was too hot to wear his sandals during the photo shoot for Abbey Road and said so he kicked them off. My thought is one never kicks off one's sandals because it's too hot, that's how you burn your feet so that would be the one time you would not, but who knows? Well, I guess somebody does.

 

[ThetanExterior]

I saw Faul (maybe but I can only speculate) on Letterman where he seems to let the cat out of the bag after first claiming the rumor came to be only because it was too hot to wear his sandals during the photo shoot for Abbey Road and said so he kicked them off. My thought is one never kicks off one's sandals because it's too hot, that's how you burn your feet so that would be the one time you would not, but who knows? Well, I guess somebody does.

He was in London, England at the time. It never gets so hot that you could burn your feet. "Hot" here means about 78F.

 

[DagwoodGum]

He was in London, England at the time. It never gets so hot that you could burn your feet. "Hot" here means about 78F.

Which tells me he would know what real hot is as he's a big time jet setter and has been all over the world.
So how could London seem too hot for sandals to him?
I never gave the Paul vs Faul thing a second look till George and Ringo said things that caught my attention, you might know what I'm talking about but I'm not that much into all of this to bother dredging up any more than I initially did out of playful fun.

 

[TomKat]

I saw Faul (maybe but I can only speculate) on Letterman where he seems to let the cat out of the bag after first claiming the rumor came to be only because it was too hot to wear his sandals during the photo shoot for Abbey Road and said so he kicked them off. My thought is one never kicks off one's sandals because it's too hot, that's how you burn your feet so that would be the one time you would not, but who knows? Well, I guess somebody does.

In the video it seems to me he's saying it was so hot to explain why he was wearing flip-flops. As to taking them off, that's typical Paul -- he was always trying to differentiate himself from the other 3 in photos.

I spent 2 hours looking through old photos and video trying to find evidence of two different people, and could find none. The Faul Conspiracists (FCs) compare photos where he's slack-jawed with ones where he's not... They're really a desperate bunch, grabbing at shadows. I checked out the supposed height difference, the ear lobe -- it's not there. I particularly like the assertion that Yesterday really was about Scrambled Eggs originally because Paul had a digestive disorder which disappeared when he became Faul

Also the FCs seem to think musical ability and songwriting talent just grow on trees and that anybody who looked like Paul could easily step into that role. His bass playing has always been distinctively melodic and inventive, Neil Young remarked on how impressed he was by it back in 1964.

 

[ThetanExterior]

Is this the original Paul McCartney?

 

[DagwoodGum]

Is this the original Paul McCartney?

Don't have the foggiest other than he's got the same cheek mole, eyes and the same upper lip scar.
The only thing that got me interested in any of this after all these years of never giving it any credence at all was seeing a clip where George said hello to McCartney calling him "William" when he entered the room.
Then another clip where Ringo referred to he and George as the only 2 remaining original Beatles, then I was all eyes and ears but can't say I have any better ideas on it than anyone else.
Was it all John's idea of a joke as some surmise? Who knows?
Though I'll admit that I've sometimes wondered what some of the super sleuths on the board thought about all of that.

I did find this summary of what the key differences are:

narniagirl 4ever
8 months ago (edited)
Interesting. You can see a definite difference in eyebrow growth, you can see a definite difference in the nose structure: Paul's nasal passages show slightly, while Faul's nose has a slight downturn; also, the length of Paul's lips are shorter (more like 'rosebud' type of lip structure); also Faul has a much more discernible cleft in chin than Paul. Also, if you carefully look at the angle of Paul's jawline, Faul's has more of a point to it. Again the eyebrows are totally different and VERY tellingly the auricle of the ear is wider on Faul and ALSO the ear lobe is TOTALLY CREASED and FOLDED on Faul!!! Clearly, two different people!!! How can people think this switch didn't happen?? Whose facial structure changes like this?
And I'd add that the cowlick of Paul's hair spun his hair of a differing texture in the left to right direction with Faul's being the exact opposite.

On this one what's portrayed as "Hello William" sounds more like "Hello Neal", and perhaps the other guy in the doorway is named Neal.

Key is the 66 & 67 Interviews where they look like cousins separated by 6 yrs. or so. Notice how Paul's two front teeth are prominent as he speaks, kind of a Bug's Bunny look whereas Faul's lower row of teeth are prominent and not his two front teeth much at all. Impossible to learn to reanimate, reposition and coordinate all of one's face and expressions according to the life long learned patterns of another you're trying to impersonate.

 

[DagwoodGum]

But I'd add they are both impressive to the Nth degree, whether they are one or two different guys. Brought more pleasure and fascination to the world than anyone I can think of!

 

[TomKat]

Is this the original Paul McCartney?

The one where George supposedly says "Faul" is a fake. I went back and found the original and he says "Paul." Someone dubbed it in.

 

[ThetanExterior]

I recently read a book called: "The Beatles Shadow" by Pauline Sutcliffe, the sister of the Beatles' original bass player Stuart Sutcliffe. She knew Paul McCartney very well from the days they first started in Liverpool and right up to them coming back from Hamburg. So I was very interested to read that she had arranged a meeting with Paul sometime around the year 2000 to get his permission to publish her book.

This interested me because I had heard the Faul/Paul rumours and it seemed to me that if she was meeting Paul in 2000 then it would presumably not be the same Paul she knew so well in the 1960s. So how would she react?

Well, she doesn't even mention these rumours in her book and she says she and Paul had a long chat about the early days. So is she part of the cover up or are the rumours false? I still don't know.

 

[DagwoodGum]

I recently read a book called: "The Beatles Shadow" by Pauline Sutcliffe, the sister of the Beatles' original bass player Stuart Sutcliffe. She knew Paul McCartney very well from the days they first started in Liverpool and right up to them coming back from Hamburg. So I was very interested to read that she had arranged a meeting with Paul sometime around the year 2000 to get his permission to publish her book.

This interested me because I had heard the Faul/Paul rumours and it seemed to me that if she was meeting Paul in 2000 then it would presumably not be the same Paul she knew so well in the 1960s. So how would she react?

Well, she doesn't even mention these rumours in her book and she says she and Paul had a long chat about the early days. So is she part of the cover up or are the rumours false? I still don't know.

It's also crossed my mind that substance abuse could have hit Paul hard, it sure seemed to hit John's features hard, in the mid-late sixties and changed his looks like it has so many others because he has come out and said that he had to give up cocaine because of the severity of the downside, coming down way too hard. Coming down hit me too hard so I had to quit it myself after fooling with it for less than a year. It just melts the fat off one's face and accounts for a rapidly aging in facial appearance. A lot has been written about their drug abuse over the years.

 

[TomKat]

I recently read a book called: "The Beatles Shadow" by Pauline Sutcliffe, the sister of the Beatles' original bass player Stuart Sutcliffe. She knew Paul McCartney very well from the days they first started in Liverpool and right up to them coming back from Hamburg. So I was very interested to read that she had arranged a meeting with Paul sometime around the year 2000 to get his permission to publish her book.

This interested me because I had heard the Faul/Paul rumours and it seemed to me that if she was meeting Paul in 2000 then it would presumably not be the same Paul she knew so well in the 1960s. So how would she react?

Well, she doesn't even mention these rumours in her book and she says she and Paul had a long chat about the early days. So is she part of the cover up or are the rumours false? I still don't know.

If we start with a "fact" and then work backwards to prove it, we can probably convince ourselves of anything, such as the flat earth theory. If you start with the idea that you are a clone of your earlier self, you can probably come up with enough photos to "prove" it to yourself. People's faces change with the years. Abraham Lincoln said that after 40 years old, everyone gets the face they deserve.

 

[strativarius]

This whole 'Paul is dead' scenario is just beyond my comprehension. Is it because some people have so little going for themselves that they subscribe to this ridiculous 'conspiracy' for want of something better to do? Is somebody making money out of it somehow? What? WHAT?

Baffled.

Dorset,

England.

 

[George Layton]

T.E.D. #4
BY THE EMPRESS
It has come to my attention that a malicious rumor is circulating to the effect that I have been haunting certain floors of the Garfield Bank building on Sunset in Hollywood, across the street from the Lingerie Club -- not far really from Simply Blues which in my opinion has really deteriorated as good blanketting territory just within the last few months -- trying to figure out a way to get MY money away from THOSE people. Not true. Listen:
Words are for liars.
Sellers and buyers.
As you can see from the above two lines, I have unmistakable skill in the area of rhyme. Combined with my proven musical ability (as evidenced by my recent album) I will be living my next life as a multi-media, high-powered, mega-volt, rock-and-roll superstar the likes of which this ball of mud has never seen. So you see, all that money that's just sitting there waiting for me to figure out a way to get my hands on it before those idiots spend it all is really not an issue at all, since we all know what even ordinary wog superstars make.
Of course, to accomplish this stellar goal, once again I am counting on the help of you, my special friends. Specifically, I need each of you to answer the following survey questions so that I will know how to most effectively mock myself up:
1) Which of Elvis' features would you say was most singularly responsible for his respectable albeit musically and historically unimportant success?
2) Where would you rate Jim Morrison's sideburns on the tone scale?
3) Which of the know-to-mystery scale positions most completely describes Mick Jagger's lips?
4) Does Billy Idol's hair style suggest an inflow, an outflow, a ridge, a dispersal, an explosion or an implosion?
5) Would you say that the essence of rock-and-roll is represented best by: a) narrow, angry, squinty eyes, b) large, dreamy, "bedroom" eyes, or c) sunglasses?
Please send your results to me via telepathic telex.
Since by the time I have reincarnated and come of age names will all have been converted to numbers (in celebration, no doubt, of my prophetic announcement some three years back that "the world has gone computer"), look for me under the name of "8-8008" which I am having my attorneys reserve for me so that I will have the most powerful name on the planet, virtually guaranteeing me a position of preeminence in my chosen field! Count on me to leave nothing to chance, no stone unturned, no stool unexamined.
Now for the second order of business. To celebrate the imminent release of OT8 I am issuing the following revision of the tone scale:
There is a grave mistake in the old tone scale. It lists Body Death at 0.0. Actually, Body Death is many degrees above 40.0 - after all, how right can you be? Dead right! So Body Death is 60.0, followed by Blame at 80.0 and Worshiping Bodies at 100.0. As you can see, it's really been quite an upscale rocket ride for me these last several months! Now go home and make those corrections to the tone scales on your walls!
Also, please make the following change to the ethics conditions. Cross out Non-Existence. I am hereby ordering the complete removal, destruction, pulverization, obliteration and vetting of any and all references to the ethics condition of Non-Existence. Recent research has proven beyond a doubt that the concept is much too highly charged for general consumption, in fact is an END WORD, and I never originated it. It was insidiously planted in the materials by one of the many suppressives I hired from time to time as my closest personal advisors.
Well, I would love to stick around and chat with you for hours and hours, but I'm much too busy for that and I'm sure I've already given you enough heady cognitions to keep you all F/Ning for weeks and weeks to come, eh?
So, now I must get back to work:
"It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah..."

Are you the antonym of The Oracle? Maybe her un-evil twin?

 

[DagwoodGum]

Is it because some people have so little going for themselves that they subscribe to this ridiculous 'conspiracy' for want of something better to do?

Well, doesn't that have a lot to do with why people post on message boards, surf the internet and text back and forth madly just to look engaged and interested in another person?

 

[strativarius]

Well, doesn't that have a lot to do with why people post on message boards, surf the internet and text back and forth madly just to look engaged and interested in another person?

Well, I live on my own, so I don't have to 'look engaged and interested' for anyone's benefit. I'm in my 70's and my mobility is somewhat restricted due to health issues, so surfing the internet, chatting to friends via email and posting on message boards takes up some of my time. I also like to watch TV, listen to music, cook, compose music (some may disagree that's what it is) on my DAW, maintain my web site, attempt to tame wild crows that live in the neighbourhood and generally try to get through the days until it's time to meet my maker in as stress-free a way as possible.

I certainly don't have time to indulge in ludicrous conspiracy theories like McCartney being dead or the Queen of England being a shape-shifting reptilian.

 

[DagwoodGum]

Well, I live on my own, so I don't have to 'look engaged and interested' for anyone's benefit. I'm in my 70's and my mobility is somewhat restricted due to health issues, so surfing the internet, chatting to friends via email and posting on message boards takes up some of my time. I also like to watch TV, listen to music, cook, compose music (some may disagree that's what it is) on my DAW, maintain my web site, attempt to tame wild crows that live in the neighbourhood and generally try to get through the days until it's time to meet my maker in as stress-free a way as possible.

I certainly don't have time to indulge in ludicrous conspiracy theories like McCartney being dead or the Queen of England being a shape-shifting reptilian.

And your as welcome to your opinion as anyone else, as anyone else is welcome to theirs.

 

[Empress]

Are you the antonym of The Oracle? Maybe her un-evil twin?

The Empress is a major arcana tarot card and supposedly the name of the entity that inspired LRH's various written works. Apparantly the anonymous author of these articles, which appeared in an ex-scn newsletter in the mid-to-late 80s, is using The Empress as a pseudonym for LRH. A subscriber, I found them in the attic and have been scanning and typing them up for submission here every week. They were probably funnier when written. I've never heard of The Oracle.