guanoloco
As-Wased
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a brand new feature on
The Stupid Thread
"WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SCIENTOLOGY. . ."
OWNED A SKYDIVING SCHOOL?
You would have to buy years worth of training at lavish expense
to study Ron's wholetrack research and breakthough on the planet's
only advanced and 100% workable technology for skydiving.
And, you'd be required to purchase two (2) Standard Golden Age of Skydiving Parachutes.
All that before you would be allowed to enjoy your first skydive.
But before that, you would be required to get an "Invitation"
from a person you never met or saw that would allow
you to go to the airport to skydive.
However, before you could go the airport, you would
be required to demonstrate your "contributions" to
the company that sold you the courses/parachutes
and prove you helped introduce many other
paying students to the business.
But, before you would be allowed to board the shuttle van
that would take you to the airport at a confidential location,
you would have to pass a lie detector test to ensure you
were going to use the parachute tech in an ethical way.
When the van arrived at the airport, before being allowed off,
you would be required to make a substantial donation to
the IAS (International Association of Skydivers).
Before being allowed on the plane you would have to turn in
and pay for your two (2) parachutes to be "Silver Cert-ed"
since it has been more than a year since you bought them.
While you are waiting for your parachutes to come back, you
would be required to rent a room at the Skydiving Hotel and
after checking into your room, you would be informed that
you needed to pay for and do a "Refresher Course" and
a "Six Month Check" since you graduated the HSSSC (Hubbard
Standard Skydiving Specialist Course) more than 181 days earlier.
Once aboard the plane you would get a mandatory briefing
where you would be informed that even though you were
qualified to be on the skydiving plane and take off--
you were not yet qualified to jump out of the plane
when it was at altitude. In order to do that, you
would have to make a substantial donation
to the Ideal Airport Fund, that the
company would use to build
new high-tech runway
and hangar.
When the plane hits altitude, you would then be asked
if you really wanted for your dive master (that would
accompany you on your first dive to ensure safety) to be a student
skydiver---or if you wanted to pay for an actual Class VIII professional skydiver
that could save your life in the event of a mid-air emergency. You naturally
then would let them take your charge card, but before they ran it, they
would tell you that it would actually not be that safe unless you paid an extra
$5000 to have a Class XII Master Skydiver who is the only dive master who has
never had one of their student-divers die due to malfunctions or other stuff
that always happens---so you pay $10,000 just to be on the safe side.
Now you are finally ready for your first dive. Your dive master secures the
tether between your gear and his own and you both leap out and begin
freefalling earhward in an exhilerating rush of air, noise and motion!
Midair, you get the signal to pull the chute cord and do so. But your
chute does not open. Frantically your instructor signals you to
pull your reserve chute. That doesn't open either. Now
you are clinging on for dear life to your dive-master as
you plummet downward at a deadly accelerating rate.
The dive master screams: "Whoever packed your damn chutes
must have been PTS. You should have paid the extra fee for a Class XIII
Chute-Packing Specialist to do a CES (Chute Error Summary)
and this wouldn't have happened!" Over the din, you scream back:"What
do I do now?!!!" As the instructor disconnects your tether (to ensure his own safety)
and you begin the nightmarish free-fall towards your certain death, he shouts
down to you from far above: "Just make it go right...and don't get all by-passed
charge-ey & victim-ey about it, because we'll keep the unused credit from
your skydiving package on your account for next lifetime."
.
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I was with you (I really was...no foolin) right up to the part that you jump.
If it was Scientology that's when they hand you a chunk of concrete and shove you out the door.