2016 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by HelluvaHoax!, Dec 26, 2015.

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  1. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    Since y'all like Sara and such . . . here's these:

    Sara & Jack; Sara; outside custody hearing '51; Sara Hollister w/husband Miles in the '70's

    View attachment 11940
  2. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

    I predict Mr. Miscavige will have an epiphany and start treating everyone with respect and dignity and the pure tech will be resurrected to it's true greatness and LRH's contributions to mankind will finally be appreciated and acknowledged the world over!

    The Hole will become a distant memory from a dark past.

    High costs and other arbitraries keeping people from going up the Bridge will be eliminated!

  3. dchoiceisalwaysrs

    dchoiceisalwaysrs Gold Meritorious Patron

    hubbard was just waking up with a hangover and writing down his personal nightmare TIME...a nightmare because he knew god would be very pissed at what the anti-Christ had done, and 'in Heaven had forbid' and hubbard would again be 'kicked out of spaces' for another 44 trillion or so years.

  4. Jump

    Jump Operating teatime

    I have no questions, just one Australianism if I may . . .

    What a wanker!

  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    2016 Event Prediction. . .

    --Scientology's leader will spew outrageous, absurd & obvious lies about releasing advanced, super-normal levels of awareness.

    --Scientology OTs, showcasing their profoundly sub-normal levels of awareness, will immediately stand and uproariously applaud the huge win.

    --No Scientologist will understand the announcement nor the win sufficiently to clay demo or even explain it. However, they will feel huge amounts of BPC blowing in their universe because it really indicates to them, the being, on this planet.

    --The fairytale-esque event will conclude by Scientology's leader cheerily announcing--"And they all lived happily ever after", triggering Scientologists to fall into a deep sleep.

    --During their restful nap, Scientology spiritual guides then filter into the audience to help Scientologists get their personal affairs in order--by rifling through their credit cards and spiritually applying, on their behalf, for credit line increases. ​
  6. freethinker

    freethinker Crusader

    Does anyone have a copy of the New Years event yet?

    DOX or STFU. :coolwink::biggrin:

  7. Churchill

    Churchill Gold Meritorious Patron

    Exactly one week from today, Alex Gibney's masterpiece, Going Clear

    will receive the Academy Award nomination for... (the envelope, please)

  8. ForLease

    ForLease Maximus Squirrel

    On Wednesday, January 6, 2016, Going Clear will receive a Writers Guild Nomination.

    Grant Cardone will still be an asshat.

    (I wanted to go 2 for 2 this year).
  9. Jump

    Jump Operating teatime


    Being Canadian, Written by Robert Cohen; Candy Factory Films
    Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief, Written by Alex Gibney; HBO Documentary Films
    Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck, Written by Brett Morgen; HBO Documentary Films
    Prophet’s Prey, Written by Amy J. Berg; Showtime Documentary Films

    Read more at http://www.comingsoon.net/movies/ne...rds-nominations-announced#Xr9XCQW8PZhPtWc0.99

    In other news : Grant Cardone is still an asshat.
  10. Churchill

    Churchill Gold Meritorious Patron

    In 2016, Scientology will finally be asked exactly how it is possible to reconcile the oft-repeated statement that "Scientology is compatible with other religions" in light of the Scientological belief in reincarnation and past lives.

    Christians believe in the resurrection of Christ, and await his Second Coming.

    How does one reconcile the religious belief of reincarnation in Scientology with the Christian belief in the Resurrection of Christ.

    How is this in any way COMPATIBLE?
  11. whoisxenu

    whoisxenu Patron with Honors

    There will be a massive closed door meeting of OTs in which it will be revealed the Eternal battery keeping Xenu at bay is wearing out:nervous: and a crash fundraising effort will be required where Bob Duggan and Grant Cardone will have 1.) Shave:yes: and 2.) contribute a minimum of 2 billion:wink2: or be declared SPs and be forced into weekly ethics harangs led by a tag-team of Jenna Elfman, Danny what's-his-name and Tom Cruise:clap: and/or 24x7 musical chairs till the first one drops and is then promptly squashed by Kirstie Alley:ohmy:. 30 years ago they may have welcomed being squashed by her but now it is tantamount to a death sentence by suffocation.:omg:
  12. Jump

    Jump Operating teatime

    I calculate that the odds of this occurring are greater than that of Captain David Miscavige, Leader of the Sea Org being awarded Time Magazine Man of the Year.
  13. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    David Miscavige will announce an amnesty for all Declared SPs. All they have to do to get back in good standing is to pay for their Bridge starting again from the bottom.

    This will result in the largest number of people simultaneously saying "fuck you" ever recorded on this planet.
  14. Churchill

    Churchill Gold Meritorious Patron


    The critically acclaimed Alex Gibney Documentary Going Clear was nominated for the WGA Award! :thumbsup:
  15. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Awesome news, Churchill! :thumbsup: :clap: :clap: :clap:

  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    GOING CLEAR: Garnering nominations and wins in the Emmys, Oscars, Golden Globes, Writers Guild, et al...

    WOW! WHOA!

    It's just not fair! So much entheta for our dedicated, blinkless little planet clearers!

    So, I see that the viciously anti-Scientology documenary
    "GOING CLEAR" just won the Academy Award!


    Isn't that a bad thing? When the SP's
    are winning Emmys and Oscars?

    Not at all. Ron states that the SPs
    only win when--er...um, Scientology is winning.

    Are you sure you got that right? Isn't it supposed
    to be that SPs only attack when
    Scientology is winning?

    I believe Ron states that it doesn't matter whether SPs are
    attacking or winning. Scientology is always winning.

    So when the SPs win, it means that Scientology wins?

    Um......yeah. Ron states that Scientology is
    the only game where everyone wins.
    I have some extra clay in my trunk if you need it.
  17. Churchill

    Churchill Gold Meritorious Patron

    There are 2 press releases sitting on Miscavige's desk.

    They have been sitting there for some time...months, in fact.

    They were written in order to "get ahead of the story" 4 days from now

    when it will be announced whether the critically acclaimed Documentary,

    Going Clear,
    will be contending for an Academy Award.

    One statement will praise the Academy, and the greater Hollywood community

    for not succumbing to the religious bigotry that must accompany any

    criticism of something as wonderful as Scientology.

    The other statement will condemn the anti-religious bias of a tiny cabal of Academy "bigots"

    who believed the words of apostates in order to destroy a new religious movement.

    In neither statement will Miscavige admit to beating staff, or acting like a pimp for Tom Cruise.

    I predict we will hear the 2nd statement, followed by a deep pocketed and mysterious campaign that extols the

    virtues of the Curt Cobain film.

    But mine is speculation - I wonder what Billy Blowdown has to say...

    I said... ... "I wonder what Billy Blowdown has to say?"
  18. Churchill

    Churchill Gold Meritorious Patron

    While we wait for Billy, how many of you know that Curt Cobain died of an overdose of psych drugs,

    and that the shotgun was left beside his body by his psychiatrist to throw the authorities off the trail?
  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Yeah, well, I think it's pretty clear what is going to happen if GOING CLEAR is announced as the OSCAR WINNER.

    Seated in the Oscar auditorium front row (in the two superstar seats vacated by Tom Cruise who was unable to attend) are Billy Blowdown and E.B. Chill. A split second after the announcement is made, Chill and Billy run up on stage and grab the statuette and microphone.

    Then explicably they go on an incoherent rant about how Beyonce should have won.

    It's kind of a "Scientology moment", the why of which will later be determined to be that Chill & Billy didn't realize the footage of Kanye West hijacking the Grammys was on their checksheet just to provide "missing mass" of how to troll an award ceremony. While twinning on the OSA course, neither realized that they were supposed to make up their own patter for the Oscars.

    The whole episode, it turns out, is very reminiscent of an earlier similar time when Billy and Chill EB were co-auditing the grades and the Case Supervisor noticed that all their worksheet answers to auditing commands were things like "Your eyes stink" and "Fizzle Wizzle Bum Crum" and other PC Originations from the meter drills.
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2016
  20. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

    I wonder.

    Up to now I would expect the typical rehash of some paranoid anti-religious freedom rant with bizarre mentions of Co-intel-pro a la Freedom Mag circa the 70s but maybe, just maybe, the Streisand Effect has reached a turning point. Any public statement will only reinforce the common perception of them as portrayed in Going Clear.

    It might be possible that even among OSA's PR Bureau there is a resignation that any announcement is really only intended for the shrinking membership.

    Nowhere do I see a path back to any meaningful effective positive PR.

    I did however recently stumble across this inspiration:


    Report says Playboy Mansion to go on sale for $200M
    The lucky buyer is going to have give Hefner a life estate that would allow him to live there until he dies, TMZ reported.
    The website also reported that prospective buyers will be able to tour the property except for one part of the house that will be off-limits: the pajama-clad Hef’s palatial bedroom.

    Davey could sell off the properties with the stipulation that he be given a Life Estate that permits him and his loyal entourage to live in one of the rooms for the rest of his life.