America is broken...

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by Clay Pigeon, Oct 25, 2018.

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  1. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron

    And I'm going to fix it
  2. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    It's bad enough I have to see that ad going on and on about "America is broken" constantly on the vid ad shorts. Here, too? Meh.
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  3. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron

    I don't have a boobtube JS.

    I didn't know there was an ad hammering away at the idea nor is my post in any way related or connected to it.

    I published a book on Amazon almost 15 months back. I should by now be prosperous and well known or even downright rich and famous. Instead I sleep now as I did then, on the cold hard concrete sidewalk. If the author of such a book is in such condition it is prima facie evidence the author's country is broken.


    My birthday was on Sunday. I woke up and smoked some pot and came up with a KILLER AP!!!

    And a gadget.

    Fat City Mama.

    My next move is to collect seed money. Seed money investors make big bucks.

    BIG BUCKS!!!

    I'm selling %points for a low interest loan of $100.00; you don't even have to spend any money. Buy one %point for a C-note and on my birthday next year you get $110.00 plus a dividend, probably between $500.00 and $5000.00. Then continue to receive dividends.

    But what if Birdie croaks this weekend?

    No problem. A one year term life insurance policy for $10,000 covers the investors money. Theoretically my backup guy goes on to cash in on the idea and shows me enough respect to pay the investors what is rightfully theirs. I would.


    I've come to suspect there aren't an awful lot of guys like me around.

    If anyone is interested PM me.

    And no, no details on the gadget until I file for a patent
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  4. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    Stay calm Birdy,

    The SOX are up 2 games in the World Series!

    All is well.
  5. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron

    I was in New York in October 1986. The Sox beat the Mets at Shea games one and two. I zipped up to Beantown ridin' Shank's mare. Across Brookline at Yawkey Way the sign read:

    Boston Red Sox 2

    New York Mets 0

    New York Yankees No Game Today

    After the Mets took games 3 & 4 I hopped back to Gotham and I was outside Shea Stadium for Game 6. I almost snuck in. Someone had taken a section of movable fence and stood it end up as a ladder. In about a New York second a dozen quick on the uptake fans were in the park and I was hustling up right behind them. My feet were eight foot above the asphalt and I just began to swing my bindlestiff and bundle into the park then follow it through when a goddam lady rozzer grabbed my left foot and pulled me down. A photographer from The Daily News caught the picture but I don't know if it was published.

    I stayed at the park and in the top of the tenth I was by the television trailer watching the game on a monitor through the window when Dave Henderson came to the plate. Man! I scouted Hendu in Seattle that Spring. I was hanging out with my ace henchman Billy Martin who was working for Dan Miller a nephew of Harold Alphont a minority owner of the Sox and I went down to the Kingdome for a game with the Tigers to scout the M's who were going nowhere for midseason trade bait. I tabbed two players, Ivan Calderon and the one who isn't Ricky. The White Sox picked up Calderon who had a good season staying in the top five in doubles the whole year and we got the other one who stepped in the batter's box with the bases empty. The pitch came in low, probably a ball but Dave got full extension, his left foot well out, his right knee nearly touching the dirt, his body so low it was nearly a level swing that caught the bright orb in front of the plate and launched it to the cheap seats. O my! That was one sooooo-weet swing!

    I think it was Boggs who singled home an insurance run but I was already on my way out of the park. Johnny Unitas was trailing late in the fourth quarter and chucked one long to Raymond Berry who hauled it in for the game winning TD. In the locker room an ink stained wretch who was actually paying attention for once asked Unitas "You turned your back and headed for the bench as soon as the ball was out of your hand. Why didn't you wait to see if he caught it?" Johnny replied "I threw the ball where it had to go. Catching it is his job"I felt the same way about this game. I stuck out my thumb at the parking lot exit and got picked by a guy who dropped me in Flushing center. I heard on the radio when the ball went through the legs of what's-'is-name with the lame foot who would have been replaced by Dave Stapleton for defensive purposes if my grandfather had been in the dugout.

    It's hard to get good help these nowadays.

    Bob Stanley, who had a long journeyman career and never though a pitch for anyone save The Olde Towne Team took the loss. I went into a Flushing diner for coffee and a slice of apple pie to assuage my continuing misery. I sat silently for five minutes and spoke up saying "As a Red Sox fan I am reminded of the immortal words of Oliver Hardy; 'Well Stanley, this is another fine mess you've gotten me into'." A New Yorker at the counter across from my table got up, extended his beefy paw for me to shake and said "Haw! I'm gonna use that line all over town tonight!"

    All is well...

    For the moment...

    Don't hit the showers yet.
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2018
  6. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron

    So anyway, I don't need your money. I can get all the seed money I need and more from homeless people right here in the Haight.

    And I will.

    And for each $100 they give me they will receive a return of between $10,000 and $100,000

    I'm just posting this offer in case any of you would like to make a few bucks or help someone you know make a few bucks.

    I'm sure many of you know, for instance, a single mother scraping by. Spend a C-note and give her a %point. If you want to be cheesy about it, these %points aren't being sold outright they are being traded for a loan. Everyone who spends $100 will receive within one year $110 and keep unfettered possession of the %point and it's attendant dividends.

    Hee hee...

    I suppose I can speak obliquely of the gadget. Hubbard would love it and would grab one quick as he could if he were here. Of course if he were here I'd send him one gratis. After all, it will be named for him. The first edition will be constructed with off the shelf tech and be called the Elron Zero. The second edition requires tweaking current tech to produce the electrograph and it will be less bulky and will be named simply the Elron.

    O! Lrh would love it. Scientologists everywhere will jump on it. It isn't intrinsically evil but it is wondrously Evil inherently! Just put it in the hands of the ravenous bipeds infesting this planet and watch them rip each other off!
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2018
  7. Little David

    Little David Gold Meritorious Patron

    It's easy for cons to con themselves but please don't con your homeless friends.
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  8. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

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  9. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron

    The return of the money is GUARANTEED

    The return ON the money is certain to be substantial.

    Where is there any possibility of a con?

    My name is William Birdwood, well known on this board for eight years, well known in San Francisco for decades. I have already cleared what I am doing with Park Station cop shop and I will have a notarized letter from them as I go about my business.

    Which will be posted on this thread along with the insurance policy.

    I am a New Hampshireman sir
  10. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    America is broken...

    and I'm going to fix it.

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  11. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

    America is broken ...

    and I'm going to fix it.

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  12. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Utilizing my OT abilities, I took the liberty of looking at the mental image pictures you had of this new gadget. Sorry for revealing the truth about this gadget but I felt compelled to warn people in advance what they were investing in. So here it is, Elron Zero, an Elron butt plug:

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  13. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron


    Not too bad amigo.

    You're getting better.

    Now then, the analytical mind thinks in similarities and differences. Let me give you an example:

    Back in 1970 I'd ETS'd from the Green Machine in January and I was hanging out in Bahhstin. Not long after I first met Billy Martin I decided to boom out to The Left Coast by way of Livingston, Montana (Livingston was my postulated destination before volunteering). I was collecting fifty bucks a week unemployment paid on Monday morning every two weeks at a grim brick building across from the cop shop in Central Square. I'd been tying off lost ends Monday and I was ready to split on Tuesday. I waited until the morning crowd with the SSN's ending in 2 cleared out and came in to the counter with my do not bend fold spindle or mutilate card which I handed over with a contrite apology for being a day late. The bureaubitch (as expected) explained that I was late and should come next Monday morning. I was insistent. She pointed at the bulky primitive computer behind her and told me it would only print my check on Monday morning. I was insistent. She pointed to an area of desks and bureaucraps inside a half wall and told me to speak to a bureaubot with a big enough paycheck to sit instead of stand.

    I turned and took a step and flashed on a tale I'd read when I was about twelve in True or Argosy. It concerned a bank heist in the rural south. The grifter cased a small bank and found he could rent the abutting house, the perfect spot for tunneling under the vault. The local library had the blueprints on file and the vault floor was merely 18 inches of concrete. They might as well have made the vault floor out of Playdoh. Still he needed funding for his tunneling tools and firecrackers so he walks in to the bank once to get an officer to initial something for him and the next day with a check for $1500. He goes to a teller who, of course, tells him he needs to get approval from an officer. He goes to the same officer he'd seen the day before gets something else initialed and goes back to the teller switching the first check for it's twin bearing forged initials and walks out with his working capital.

    So the ever fleet and brilliant file clerk ponied up the best available file from the database. I sat down with the bureaucunt who of course told me they don't serve people who don't get in line when they are told to get in line and even if they were willing WHICH THEY WEREN'T the computer would only print my checks on Monday morning. I walked back to the counter and said "The boss says it's OK" got my dough and jellied.

    Now in your graphic you come very close to the device but your "OT" perception suffers from your long familiar "held down seven". The device is just about EXACTLY(!) the size and shape of the box but the cord connects to a cellphone rather than an LRH butt plug.

    That's still a pretty damn good "OT" effort Pitsy, if you don't mind my saying so.

    (Which is not to say there is all that much difference between a cell phone and an lrh buttplug)
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2018
  14. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron

    Yes ET...


    james bondo.
  15. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron

    and felix lighter
  16. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron

    Well the first thing you know old Jed's a millionaire...
  17. uniquemand

    uniquemand Unbeliever

    I don't feel America is broken. It does what it always has done. It makes war, it pays a pittance to laborers and treats anyone who cannot labor and has no capital as garbage. You're just lucky you're not enslaved.
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  18. Little David

    Little David Gold Meritorious Patron

    LRH was a con that you admire, emulate and promote. You and LRH are good examples of cons conning themselves.
  19. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron

    LRH may or may not have been a con. He is indisputably the most famous philosopher of the twentieth century and his most brilliant work probably makes him the most influential philosopher of the century as well.

    But you do have a fine nose for a con don't you LD?


    I've been planning to run The Big Con for more than 35 years. I had one of the best teachers in the country, a grifter known as The Caliph who once papered a bank for half a million bucks. And never served a day in jail. But this is NOT a con. This is the legitimate business which will finance The Big Con.

    And make a nifty little piece of change for several hundred friends and family.

    I think.

    There's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip.

    I start by gathering my seed money to build the basic company; an office, a secretary, a lawyer, the basic paperwork and the prototype of the invention. Then the IPO sets up manufacturing.


    I already have a buyer lined up who wants exclusive right to every gadget I manufacture up to the point where I can manufacture them faster than he can sell them.


    And anyone who ponies up $100 for seed money is likely to get at least $10,000.00 return and perhaps as much as $100,000.00 over the next ten years.

    And the $100 is not expenditure but loan. Within one year, before my next birthday, 21 October 2019, the loan will be repaid with ten percent interest. That's the deadline. Target date is the week before Xmas.


    Anyone who wants out can have their $100 back along with my gratitude and $50.

    I love the people on ESMB and all are welcome.
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  20. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Silver Meritorious Patron


    You must psychic!

    I was just thinking of you this morning.

    Still with the same old lady?

    Still around Baahstin?


    If America ISN'T broken then I'm damn well gonna break it.