Another forced disconnection

[gomorrhan]

I try to be very careful about slinging around ideas like "scientology breaks up families". While there is a bit of truth to it, it's more like "The Church of Scientology and it's agents" break up families when they think it will be to their advantage in terms of cutting their losses (or perceived loss of potential work).

I'll take the time to write up my story at another time. For now, a summary:

Liked some of Hubbard's characters in "Mission Earth" ... bought and read DMSMH ... moved and joined staff the following day ... did through Staff Status II and Exec Status I, with very little technical training (Student Hat was my only completed Academy level) ... worked on the OSA task force to ready the Church for IRS audit in 1990... spotted many outpoints with regard to staff not being trained auditors or "clear", nevermind OT, but also including the failure of the orgs to penetrate wider society with what should have been (from my view) accepted with great happiness (the excuse that "psychs" were stopping it never washed, always struck me as a contrivance)... began to have and express doubts ... began to express a desire to stop being on staff and to be "public" while I sorted it all out ... got stuck on the leaving staff routing form ... left without permission, took my ex with me, and was declared less than a year later without any other gradients taken ... worried about how this would affect my wife and children, I continued to study scientology and explore it on my own, still recruiting people who became staff (and I think one is the ED of Boston Day these days, Graham Parker, who learned about scientology ethics in my living room while I was declared) ... made a unilateral decision to join the military to provide medical benefits and school for myself and my wife against her wishes ... while I was away in Somalia, in 1993, my wife was convinced to leave me to rejoin staff, which she was kind enough to wait for me to come back from Mogadishu before doing, to complete her contract ... I was foolish enough to think they had her best interests and mine at heart, and agreed to temporary suspension of communication so that she could retain her good standing and I could complete my A-E steps (which I did three times, but they kept "losing my records" or finding reasons to not make a decision on my appeal) ... was asked by my own recruit (who was then the Ethics Officer: good training, me!) to leave quietly and leave Nitza and my children alone until it all got straightened out ... time passed, things didn't straighten, and I gave an ultimatum to my wife: them or me ... she chose them and we were divorced about a year later with no intervening communication (though I tried) ... and then I found the McDonald Papers (is that right? I think so) and the Pilot's books and determined to practice what I thought was right about scientology outside the Church ... did some training in Austria FZ orgs ... decided the scientology model was too byzantine and riddled with errors that generated a need for confidentiality, itself the cause of many upsets and problems ... discovered metapsychology, and haven't looked back.

Long summary. Long story.

 

[Free to shine]

... while I was away in Somalia, in 1993, my wife was convinced to leave me to rejoin staff, which she was kind enough to wait for me to come back from Mogadishu before doing, to complete her contract ... I was foolish enough to think they had her best interests and mine at heart, and agreed to temporary suspension of communication so that she could retain her good standing and I could complete my A-E steps (which I did three times, but they kept "losing my records" or finding reasons to not make a decision on my appeal) ... was asked by my own recruit (who was then the Ethics Officer: good training, me!) to leave quietly and leave Nitza and my children alone until it all got straightened out ... time passed, things didn't straighten, and I gave an ultimatum to my wife: them or me ... she chose them and we were divorced about a year later with no intervening communication (though I tried) ...

Long summary. Long story.

That is sad. To me anyway. Betrayal in all it's forms, and too often repeated.
Do you not see your children at all? Do they know where to find you?

 

[gomorrhan]

That is sad. To me anyway. Betrayal in all it's forms, and too often repeated.
Do you not see your children at all? Do they know where to find you?

It WAS sad, and probably could be sad from a viewpoint that was still involved with that situation. I've moved on.

I don't see my children at all, and haven't since Nitza went off the map with them about 1998/7 (the particular date escapes me). I reestablished contact with my daughter last year, but it was interrupted when she was discovered communicating with me, and she sent me a disconnection email. My son is getting to the age where he'll be leaving the home. They are both aware of my myspace page as a point of contact, and both have had my email address at one point (emails were exchanged). Both request no-contact at this point, citing possible emotional distress to their mother. I respect their wishes, and I expect contact will resume when they are out of the house. I would prefer contact now, but they are both doing well in school, and enjoying their new lives with their mother and her partner, and I choose not to rock that boat, just to satisfy my desire to be involved. If they were living in squalor, unhappy, and unsuccessful, I would assert my rights and demand custody. They are wealthy, in private school, and doing very well on their own interests, also. Their mother is a wonderful woman, and I was privileged to know her, and sad to lose her to that toxic cult. She has flourished in it, however, and I don't want to disturb her now, just as I didn't want to disturb her when I left.

Love doesn't require forceful assertion of presence. That's a lesson I took from that situation. I was very sad for a long time, and almost took my own life when I couldn't find them for five years. One day, though, I just decided to end-cycle on it, and move on to improving my own life and the lives of those around me, regardless of past tragedies. Since then, I'm much better, and I'll be in a great position to be of help to my children or my ex, if any of them desire to leave and have difficulty, or want to go to conventional schools, or need job contacts, etc.

This, to me, is better than assertion of my rights.

 

[Free to shine]

It WAS sad, and probably could be sad from a viewpoint that was still involved with that situation. I've moved on.

I don't see my children at all, and haven't since Nitza went off the map with them about 1998/7 (the particular date escapes me). I reestablished contact with my daughter last year, but it was interrupted when she was discovered communicating with me, and she sent me a disconnection email. My son is getting to the age where he'll be leaving the home. They are both aware of my myspace page as a point of contact, and both have had my email address at one point (emails were exchanged). Both request no-contact at this point, citing possible emotional distress to their mother. I respect their wishes, and I expect contact will resume when they are out of the house. I would prefer contact now, but they are both doing well in school, and enjoying their new lives with their mother and her partner, and I choose not to rock that boat, just to satisfy my desire to be involved. If they were living in squalor, unhappy, and unsuccessful, I would assert my rights and demand custody. They are wealthy, in private school, and doing very well on their own interests, also. Their mother is a wonderful woman, and I was privileged to know her, and sad to lose her to that toxic cult. She has flourished in it, however, and I don't want to disturb her now, just as I didn't want to disturb her when I left.

Love doesn't require forceful assertion of presence. That's a lesson I took from that situation. I was very sad for a long time, and almost took my own life when I couldn't find them for five years. One day, though, I just decided to end-cycle on it, and move on to improving my own life and the lives of those around me, regardless of past tragedies. Since then, I'm much better, and I'll be in a great position to be of help to my children or my ex, if any of them desire to leave and have difficulty, or want to go to conventional schools, or need job contacts, etc.

This, to me, is better than assertion of my rights.

Wow. That is an inspiring viewpoint. My hat's off to you for being able to let go and maintain your integrity. I think in the end it is personal integrity that matters most of all.