Hello all you lovely DBs and SPs. I have some things to say: 1) If it wasn’t for this message board, I NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT OUT ALIVE. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. Especially to those who helped me move and pack, those who helped me financially when I had nothing as a broke, blown staff member, those who gave me advice and support, who told me that no, I wasn’t crazy, and it would all be ok. For so long, especially once I’d gotten out and “escaped” across the country, I couldn’t even confront this board. I couldn’t hear anything about Scn. I didn’t WANT TO. I was done, and I wanted to be REALLY done. But I celebrate the day I left like a birthday, every year, an anniversary to my freedom. Every year I remember you, because you were here for me when I needed someone more than any other time in my life. 2) My family is “still in”. My stepmother and brother have totally disconnected from me, though I haven’t been officially “declared”. My father hasn’t, but we don’t discuss it. We can’t discuss it. I feel like the line is so fragile that any disturbance could send our precarious balance over the edge and I’ll be declared and that will be that. Over 7 years later and I’m still afraid. You’d think, and I did think, that would go away. You think eventually the fear ends, but it never ends until you get your whole family out. I tried to ignore Scn. I tried to convince myself that it was another life, another story that I didn’t have anything to do with anymore. But that’s a fantasy. As long as I still have family involved, I can’t ignore it. I can’t let go of the fear. 3) FrankBooth and I are STILL TOGETHER! Happy and as in love as we ever were, planning to marry and spend the rest of our WOG lives together forever. 4) I am STILL getting phone calls. I didn’t for a long, long, LONG time. I had changed my number, moved. Somehow they found me, started sending me garbage mail. And then the calls started, from orgs all over the country, places and people I’ve never had any connection with. Being nice doesn’t do any good. They just keep pestering me. I shouldn’t have to change my number AGAIN. I’m at the point where being declared seems like the only way out, if it weren’t for my family who are still involved. 5) I saw Leah Remini’s show, the first season. What an emotional ride. Whew. How closely it hits home. It made me start thinking about what I could do to help, if possible, without getting myself completely fucked. I needed to make this post. Leah and Mike kept saying over and over, it's not going to happen overnight, but if you keep fighting and keep putting the information out, eventually it will cut through the CoS bullshit. I look forward to the day when I can reconnect with all my lost friends, and I hope to one day be able to speak freely about my experiences with my father, who used to be my best friend, but who has become a careful stranger. Above all, and again, I want to say THANK YOU. I could never repay the help and love and support I received from the members here during my darkest hour. I know it seems like I dropped off the face of the earth but I assure you I haven’t. In fact, I’m about to graduate college! None of this could ever have been possible without you all. I don’t even know where I’d be if I hadn’t found this message board. THIS PLACE HELPS PEOPLE. I don’t know if you all know that, or if you see it. I know that personally, it’s a question I’ve had often since finally getting out – do these shows and documentaries and online stories and forums actually get people out? THEY DO. YOU DO. Keep doing what you’re doing. One ex at a time, guys. THANK YOU.