Brian McNee - Mr Blanky

Discussion in 'In Memory Of...' started by Intentionally Blank, Jan 28, 2018.

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  1. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    Terrill - Maybe auditing helps people without underlying issues. I don't believe it does but we can agree to disagree on that. The really big problem is the belief, whether stated or not, that conventional psychiatric care is either completely wrong or somehow a suggestion of weakness. There's shame connected with it that keeps people from seeking help when auditing doesn't work. That in itself dooms people like Brian to a lifetime of battling with challenges that are fixable with medication, EMDR, talk therapy and even ECT. The latter would likely have saved his life had things been different.

    Clay Pigeon, you can fuck off.
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  2. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous


    I am very sorry that those 2 guys are so blind and brainwashed, that they don't even notice their own ''issues'' , neither can just listen to people who are only trying to recover the pain $cientology has inflicted to them and to their dear one who are either gone or destroyed.

    I can recall almost the majority of your posts, and also the long silences....because of all what you shared with us...
    When I read the sad issue..I couldn't even believe it...but what remains in my mind is still how you truly loved your spouse and the true compassion we could feel in your posts. If true love could heal, he would have been healed.
    I am so sorry for such devastation Blanky! :(

    Birdy, would you shut the fuck off...and let Blanky speak her mind and her heart without your fucked blind diagnosis and analysis... Go get a $cientology chat with Terril on a freakzone thread PLEAAAAAASEEEEEEEEE
    Look after your own mental health.
    IT's a 8C command with Theta intention to impinge you ... Get it Birdy ???

    Blanky, I admire how you deal with the pain, the grief, the suffering, the sadness, the angryness that might probably still arise each day... and wish, one day, you can too heal and recover your own life at peace and serenity.. since you deserve a life without $cientology , a normal life that you can enjoy with your dear ones who are still there for you, when you are ready for your new journey in life. For now, I am with you all the way in how you may actually feel.

    My best thoughts and prayers are with you and Mr Blanky for he may too find relief wherever her rests, either within your heart or in a new home.

    Love to you Blanky :flowers::love11:
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2018
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  3. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    This is for you Blanky!
    Hope it may comfort you,
    even though just a little

  4. strativarius

    strativarius Comfortably Numb

    And yours.
  5. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    Nothing is all bad and as has been discussed here that is what makes Scn so dangerous. It makes you unable to tell the good from the bad. I think it extremely bad for those that have existing metal and depressive issues. A strong person mentally can usually cope with the cognitive dissonance but those with existing problems it can send over the proverbial edge. It would be hard on anyone to have something you believed in and thought was your savior for 40 years to be pulled from one. At this point I don't even know if it is good for someone to to have the cult pulled from them if they are a true believer. It is extremely dangerous and Brian's story unfortunately can be a common one. I could kind of see it coming and half hearted tried to warn Blanky a time or two but then again I really didn't fully know the situation. I guess what I am saying is hind sight and I could have been wrong but this doesn't really shock me. I feel entitled to say this because I am living a similar situation.

    I have seen in recent years that it takes a lot be an illegal PC. Where once meds and electro shock would be an automatic I have seen these people audited. If one is able and willing to make large donations it seems to make a difference in illegality . It really all comes down to money and I can personnelly attest to fact that things that would get most declared can be over came with enough money donated.
  6. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    Lotus you are a dear. Thank you. <3 <3 <3

    I had a number of trauma related symptoms and issues for months after Brian died. Short term memory stuff, couldn't remember what day or month it was -- actually, I struggled even to grasp the season. The kinds of things that happen when your brain is soaked in cortisol for too long. Most of those are much much better. I found a good therapist who understood what I needed most was a witness to let me tell whatever parts of my story I needed to have heard.

    I guess that's been the hardest - feeling unheard. We spent so much time and energy talking about and addressing his cancer that it's what our friends and family assume he died of. People don't understand mental illness and the stigma makes it uncomfortable and awkward to talk about. As if it someone makes him weak or damaged. I guess that's the same stigma Scientology attaches to it. Damaged. When I talk about it people get very interested in their fingernails and then fumble to change the subject. Maybe they don't believe me but they don't want to say so.

    I'm really an oddball. Not an ex-scn but not just an interested bystander. Other widows in the groups I belong to tell stories of car accidents, heart attacks, and even cancer. How do you even say to normal people, my husband got attacked my the Church of Scientology and it killed him? It's strange and isolating. I'm not complaining, just sharing some of the processing to try to sort out what the hell happened to my life - and how to put it back together again.
  7. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    Hey you :)

    I used to agree that it's not all bad. I'll admit to being biased but I've changed my thoughts on that. Not that all the practices are inherently harmful but when combined with the ideology the threat and likelihood of harm is too great.

    Brian's case is really unique. I don't know that the likelihood of something this extreme happening to others is even on the scale. He had severe family of origin trauma and related ptsd. He had prior incidents of severe depression. He had chronic high levels of anxiety and mild dissociation - which became moderate to severe when he was ill. And he was a true believer with an enormous ability to dissociate from the cognitive dissonance. If you think of it like a piece of pottery his old wounds and traumas were like cracks that were filled in but fragile. It all held together as long as they didn't get stressed and no new ones were added. When we were attacked and he was kicked out all the old wounds were traumatized and new ones were added. Like tossing the piece of crockery off a cliff. It was the perfect storm (a descriptor I hate but it's the truth).
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  8. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    You know everyone has cracks it just takes enough stress to make them break. Scn is very good at finding what will put the most stress on the weak points. That is what is finding your ruin is all about. They do tend to put glue on but if one strays from the desired path they remove it and the vessel immediately crumbles. You know I really didn't have mental issues before Scn but the cognitive dissonance was enough to nearly push me over the edge. Brian may have been more susceptable but take my word many are only a short step behind him when they finally look and see reality. i could kind of see your wreck happening in real time and even mentioned once that you were very strong but every one had a breaking point. I could feel a lot of what he felt but had the advantage of not having much of his baggage. No one not associated with some kind of cult can understand what you and him went through. We go on about the money a lot in Scn but that is not the true damage. Leah put it best in one of her shows" they steal your soul". Mentacide is term used in the book "Rape of the Mind" and it very very descriptive to me, it kills your mind and the body is only a short distance behind.
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  9. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    I really cannot believe that scientology treatment over psychological treatment can bring any light to a cloudy day.

    You may have had poor experiences with psychiatry, but you really need to let it go and realise it has come a long way since the 60s, whereas scientology cannot and will not change. Instead it spirals down into an ever deepening and darkening spiral.
    Some people talk about being helped, but it actually harms far, far more than it helps.

    Let go of your prejudices and re evaluate. Psychiatry has its problems too, just like some medical doctors make their mistakes too. It doesn't mean to say they are all bad or incompetent.

    It was rather insensitive for you to push this viewpoint here, given the trauma scientology has caused in this particular story. Asking Mrs Blanky not to get a bee in her bonnet was really asking too much. Think about it.
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  10. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Patron Meritorious

    I'm gone

    My apologies to IB. I posted too quickly only reading the OP and knew not you were wearing widow's weeds; mea culpa...
  11. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Patron Meritorious


    I'm gone here...

    Yes psychiatry has greatly improved and Co$ is on a downward spiral but I can't further essay politely here

    Let's take this up again elsewhere
  12. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    Cleared Cannibal, you know I respect your opinion but you're wrong. Unless you've seen this kind of severity you don't know what you're talking about. Brian's catatonia would swing between mild and severe for about 18 months becoming very severe the last ten weeks of his life. It was undiagnosed until it was too late. He became so weak he lost his airway and then died the first time. He was on life support for several days with MRIs, video EEGs, and other neuro tests before he died officially. This is not garden variety mental illness. His psychiatrist told me after his death it's rare and his was very severe.

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  13. Terril park

    Terril park Sponsor

    I have 2 family members who are psychologists one with
    a Ph.d. with years of work in the brit NHS and now with a
    thriving private practice.

    A friend of mine, a scientologist has had years of enforced
    intermittent stays in secure mental hospitals. He considers his psychiatrist very helpful.

    Scn in fact denies being able to help those most challenged,
    and per policy refuses to. This bleeds over to innocents who
    maybe lost their temper or had great upsets temporarily.

    I've seen the trauma this refusal creates.

    Its an area very difficult to deal with.

    CO$ has stated its not competent or willing to help in such

    Having declared itself the master of life, mind
    and spirit CO$ is clearly is not so. Whatever benefits the
    tech may endow one with.
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  14. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    You were there and I wasn't so who would know better? My point really was that it is difficult to come to grips with something that you believed and put your whole being in and then find out it was untrue. With mental illness it would just be that much more difficult.

    Brian was like so many in that they took from him what they could get and then cast him aside when he was used up. I am not sure if you believe in the after life in any fashion but he may be in a better place and able to experience heaven what ever that may be. If this is true he maybe the lucky one instead of wallowing like many of us in old nightmares. Humans have been trying to make sense of life and death since they have been sentient beings and I truely believe there is something besides this life time. Really that is a positive I got from Scn and realize I may be in the minority in this. Scn is too dangerous to mess with but I do try to give credit where credit is due. Brian's case is an extreme example in what happens when hope is lost. I recently went to a conference where suicide was was discussed in my profession which is a major problem with our having 2x the rate of returning veterans and 4x the general population. They said loss of hope turns thoughts into actions. I my opinion Brian lost hope and in his tortured mind no one was able to restore it.

    I may have said some things which are none of my business and I am sorry if so.

    You already know I am and we all are here to help in anyway we can.
  15. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Blanky - :rose: :console: :hug:
  16. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    Yes, absolutely, I think -- no, I know, he lost hope and if he did find his way back to it it was too late. In the last six months or so he was actively looking for information about what Scientology was all about. Talking about it was probably the one thing that would bring him back much of the time. He watched Aftermath and loved it. And he binged on Chris Shelton's videos. He knew and worked with Chris when he was still in and posted to the Twin Cities org. But back to your point, Brian told me shortly after they kicked him out that he had nothing left to live for. I believe that changed but it was too late.

    You have not overstepped at all. When people hear mental illness they think depression or anxiety or even psychosis where the person loses touch with reality - hears voices and the like. No one imagines what catatonia looks like. No one. The professionals all missed it. I said something to his psychiatrist in Feb and it was dismissed and then again in May and finally the lightbulb went on. He confirmed what I was suspecting and sent us to an ER with a separate psychiatric track. And then they refused to believe it and spent days telling me it was all kinds of things it wasn't. No one ever took a full psychiatric history.

    I go round and round in my head thinking, I should have done.... nope, did that. What about..... no, did that too. Then there's.... yeah, tried that.

    He was seen by psychiatry in the ER or hospital at least 3 times.
    He saw five psychologists/therapists. One was right before his cancer treatment and we didn't see her again. One spent months trying to convince me that he just wanted to die and I needed to respect that - even though he told her over and over that was not the case. Two couldn't deal with the cognitive lapses or how he would wander off topic. To be fair, the latter was not new it was just who he was. When he wasn't sick it was quirky and charming. The last therapist specialized in trauma and dissociation. Brian did EMDR with him and it made a huge difference for months - that was derailed by an unrelated event.
    I took him for neuropsych testing because one of the therapists was sure it was early onset dementia. That was ruled out immediately because all his symptoms began suddenly and in relation to the Scientology trauma. I can tell you the date and time I saw my husband fully present for the last time.
    He saw a private psychiatrist.
    He saw at least five medical doctors outside of ER visits and hospital stays. Those are too numerous to count.

    No one, absolutely no one caught the catatonia and it was classic. When I read, now, the symptoms it is startling how textbook it was. And yet none of the people supposedly trained in this caught it. I even had a hospital psychiatrist insist I was wrong. Because he had cancer everything went into the cancer box. I was constantly on my phone reading research papers from PubMed and the like in order to argue my case with the medical profession.

    And then finally the hospital psychiatrist we'd been referred to when he went into the ER the last time came to see him. She refused for the first several days. Brian was pretty out of it and she asked me what it was I wanted her to know. I gave her about ten minutes of things I'd noticed over the prior year, year and a half. She stopped me then and said there was no doubt what I'd been seeing was catatonia. And, it was so severe that had she seen him earlier, before he was so weak, she could have got a court order to force treatment in spite of his religious beliefs at the time. And then he died.

    I don't know if I believe in an afterlife. People have given me messages they say are from Brian - things they couldn't possibly have known. I'd like to believe he's out there somewhere strong and whole and doing something he loves.
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  17. Gib

    Gib Crusader

    by your own account and statement:

    "He suffered from ptsd due to childhood trauma with significant anxiety and related symptoms. I have his journals dating back to the mid 60s - pre cult - and through all those years right up until 2015 he talks about his mental health challenges and how if only he could get more Scientology and more auditing he would see improvement. But of course that wouldn't have happened and when he lost Scientology I think he lost hope for living."

    See, that's the thing, your Mr Blank didn't get that much auditing, but he read a lot of Hubbard or listened to his lectures. Hubbard's words can be very persuasive and give hope.

    Hubbard said 50% of the gains are from training, and 50% from auditing. Once one has been convinced of going "clear" and auditing will solve the problem, why one can logically compute, if I don't have the money to get auditing or permission to get auditing, why I can read or listen to Hubbard for gains to be had and this causes one to desire auditing. Which your hubby did as me and others did.

    And the same can be said for if one was labeled to be PTS by having psych or shock treatments, why I can listen to Hubbard and ask for permission to get auditing for Hubbard said auditing would set you free, you have to do both. Hubbard created in his books and lectures a strong desire to get auditing.

    Brian fell for the same trap I did, as well as others.
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2018
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  18. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    Trap is certainly the right word for it. False hope, fantastic tales that weren't true, fake stats.

    Did I hear that your wife is now out as well?
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