Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by Weagook, Oct 19, 2017.

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  1. Weagook

    Weagook Patron

    I just finished watching the most recent installment of The Aftermath (because I'm too old to stay up until 10pm for the regular showing... don't judge!). I was raised in the Co$ but as a member of a parishioner family rather than SO so I think in many ways my experience was mitigated. I was an OOT at Phlag at one point as an adult, and one memory that always sticks with me was on course during this time as an OOT...

    I was paired with a boy in the cadet org (past the time they said it was dissolved) and he just started crying during whatever drill we were doing (I truly don't remember). I was absolutely mortified, but not for the right reasons. I was first off afraid the Sup would see him (and me) and we'd both end up in ethics, I honestly attributed his episode to MU's (because I was brainwashed) and thought my best option was to try word clearing. This boy was maybe 12? And I sadly cannot remember his name. But, seeing the most recent and current stories of child abuse in the SO, I can't help but feel a bit complicit reflecting back on this incident. I feel honestly criminal, as a well grown adult now, not realizing what I was seeing.

    So, I suppose that's the point of this thread... There are so many stories of abuse via CO$, and abominable abuse of children. How many of us were unwitting witnesses to these abuses? What did you see?
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  2. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Looking back from this age at what I did as a youth - Uh, to hold a young person to what we have come to learn as an adult - just can't be done !

    Had I known about scn one day one what I know now ? There'd have never been a day two.

    Had I known what depression was or chronic grief - how different I'd have treated some people a whole lot nicer.

    As my late sister said so often ' When we know better we do better '.

    That has eased some of the tears as I look far over what I so wish I never done to others - or myself.

    Forgiveness? Difficult. So difficult & yet so very necessary to allow oneself to move forward.
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  3. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Yes, @Weagook it's a tricky one ... I agree with @Gizmo though. By all means acknowledge that what you did (or didn't do) was wrong not ideal but please don't do yourself in over it now, you were just a child yourself trying to cope with the weirdness ... the little boy's parents were to blame, not you.
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  4. Weagook

    Weagook Patron

    Thanks, and I absolutely agree that I can't hold myself absolutely accountable. I guess I do wonder how many of us saw such things which we, as indoctrinated members, attributed to something else? What we could have/should have done is moot in many ways, but I think having at least it serves to "bear witness" to the abuse, acknowledging that not many of us who were in need that, but everyone's story is different. I suppose my reflections upon my experiences in are being expanded beyond my own experience and I realize more and more each day how poisonous this organization is.
  5. EZ Linus

    EZ Linus Patron with Honors

    I so understand. Yes, I was at times just awful, looking out for my own self and pushing Hubbard's agenda because I was so incredibly brainwashed. I was Clear and an OES, lived at Flag for a bit, all that shit. I too have a very difficult time forgiving myself for the things I did as a Scientologist. I know others will tell me to stop beating myself up and to be better to myself and to see that I was brainwashed, etc., etc. It's just not that easy -- even with many years of therapy, studying about mind control and how it works and writing my life's story. It helps, sure. It has not "cured" me of the guilt and shame. I'll tell you, I have come much farther in my recovery of my sexual abuse than I have from the mindfuck that is Scientology, as far as "blame" goes. This is probably why I seem so angry. I am finally angry and it's part of my recovery process.
  6. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

    Seems like a Milgram thang:

    Ex-Scientologists have been put in a situation like this and have had the opportunity to process it so they recognize it and respond accordingly when they see it again.

    Do we expect public schools to teach about indoctrination and group behavior? Lots of parents and adults don't understand this. That leaves a lot of people on their own. Things would be different if people were taught about this early on in life under safe conditions.
  7. Weagook

    Weagook Patron

    Yes!!! Getting angry rather than fearfull, or shamed... that has also been my turning point. Anger!
  8. Irayam

    Irayam Patron with Honors

    I don't remember really bad action I could have done because of scientology or as a scientologist.
    Probably, I must have been sometimes an arrogant scientologist...
    The worst thing I did, and this is what is annoying me the most is to have bring my ex wife into this f***ing cult.
    As far as I know, she's still in $cientology.

    Too sad...