do they physically prevent you from leaving?

Discussion in 'Leaving Scientology' started by not-a-cult-member, Mar 21, 2016.

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  1. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    I wrote the story on the board - the only one I wrote in fact. (can't find it)
    Nothing bad happened to me- but the terror I felt and my attempt to hide from them was so miserable - (I was hiding almost under a tablein the airport)

    Although it was nothing compare to those horrific stories of many others:unsure:

    It pretty much gives an idea about the emotional and mental state of a person attempting to escape.
    When considered my frame and shape - expecting 2 $cientology dogs- it's easy to figure out the fear!

    This thread is so interesting :yes:
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2016
  2. ethercat

    ethercat Cat in flight

    This one? Sea Org Security Forces
  3. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    Thank you Ethercat :wink2:

    Not exactly this post -
    my post was about how I planned my escape , how I failed to avoid the blow drill , and how I was hiding, terrorized at the airport cantine - till they found me :nervous:

    I'll try to find it!
  4. ethercat

    ethercat Cat in flight

  5. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

    I don't understand why this must be so complicated. The people at the Complex can just walk into one of the nearby hospital lobbies and ask for security to protect them until the police arrive. At Flag it looks like they would trip over the police trying to escape.

    This isn't Siberia.


    Clearwater Police.jpg
  6. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    Cross posting from the thread Ethercat found. Thank you for helping.

    People know I do apologize for my bad english but I really did my very best and hope it's not too painfull to read though! :coolwink:

    Last edited: Apr 2, 2016
  7. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

    That is an excellent story Lotus! I am glad to see that you emphasize how much of the difficulty to leave is due to mental manipulation. I'm convinced that a major purpose behind the incessant busy busy emergency stat push micromanagement is to erode an individual's ability to think for themselves to the point where they don't even conceive of leaving and if they do they sabotage their own efforts with concerns about the Church's interests instead of just behaving as though they are free.

    The irony is that Sea Org members are told that they are the elite of mankind and by virtue of being a Sea Org member they are already OT and at cause of matter, energy space and time, can push through Command Intention against all odds, blah blah blah - but when it come to waving down a taxi or a police officer or asking a passer by for help or borrowing someones phone to call an embassy, relative or friend.....they suddenly are completely incapable?

    The big fear should be getting locked in a basement room with no escape and where no one can hear you yell or banging on the pipes. It is absolutely true that Sea Org members are transferred or sent on projects so often for long periods of time under the cloak of confidentiality that it can be expected no one will miss or ask about you if you disappear. Tipping your hand or returning where they can implement physical restraint is the big mistake.

    BTW, I correspond with a lot of people from Europe who write exactly like you do. Please don't apologize. It is quite attractive and it is good for people to become familiar with your kind of writing.
  8. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    This is why the most powerfull emotion , a SO member who plan an escape, face is SHAME
    Blowing is a fail - one blows because he is a traitor, a weak person, an espee and he\she leaves behind his\her ''courageous'' comrades on duties to save this planet.....One fells like a shit...

    This is a huge struggling that prevent many to blow... the shame - guiltyness and the eternity denial!

    I asked some fellow SO members who blew, and it's pretty much the same pattern.
  9. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    Thank you sweety - its nice to tell so! :flowers2:

    I was fully bilingual prior to a neurologic accident that dammaged a part of my frontal lobe in the brain. It was a "collateral dammage'' of toxic stress exposure in the cult with dark scientology enforced ....

    There has been a time I could barely speak 3 words in a sentence in my native language because of the learning and language center dammaged. I've worked hard to recover my abilities , to improve my english and learn spanish.

    I am quite proud and happy of what I accomplished despite prognostics.
    People here are quite nice, chat with me and get my problem is not comprehension but to structure my thought using another language. ESMBers are amongst the most inspiring people to be found on internet and IRL

    1)There are a few sweethearts & thoughtfull who provide me wtih english lessons back channels...aussies and mericans :biggrin:
    2) I am not offended when people laugh of my wrong use of words - sometimes it's funny though
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2016
  10. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

    Very well said! I have expressed the same thing myself. My only regret was the feeling of abandoning my comrades to the grist mill and it was the most common impression in reoccurring dreams. Explaining to my dour dream mates that I couldn't stay because I had other obligations and a new life. I think 90% of the people I knew were also gone within 6 years. It always amazed me at how much resources were invested in recruiting someone and how difficult it was - then they would be used up like cannon fodder in a senseless war.
  11. phenomanon

    phenomanon Canyon

    I just re-read this and I noticed te name Mark Pope in the first segment.
    So, we both had run-ins with him. He ran for vice President of CADA, during their infiltration and take over attempt in 1989.
    He was roundly defeated by Yours Truly, who won the vote in a landslide.
    Mark Pope was pissed. So were his colleagues.
    I think his wife was Bettina, and she was on their Investigative Tech Course. I dunno what happened to the Popes.
  12. phenomanon

    phenomanon Canyon

    I totally agree. I have no trouble reading Lotus's posts, and I think they are very easily understood.:yes:
  13. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    I liked Mark he was a good guy , 2nd $cientologist generation - apart form telling ''acceptable truths'' to people , I never witnessed hime being verbally or physically abusive. He was a nice guy in this world of madness.

    I think he routed out but I don't know if he out of the cult :confused2:
  14. Mick Wenlock

    Mick Wenlock Admin Emeritus (retired)

    When my wife and I left the Sea Org ( I was declared ) we had about 500 Dkr between us - about $75. We had two suitcases, nowhere to go, no family locally. No credit cards of any kind - after 13 years in the Sea org we had virtually NOTHING. I will not bore everyone with the frantic three days, staying in a homeless shelter for two nights before we got a breather of a place to stay for a couple of weeks. I mention this because many SO have left many family connections way behind. I suspect it is far worse for the eastern europeans at Flag. It is very depressing to find yourself out with no support - it was the second time for me so it wasn't as much of a shock for me as it was for my wife.

    I also think there are aspects to this that need to be weighed - people who are reaching the point of blowing have been reduced to giving up on something that was, for most, bigger than their entire life. For those that have been in a long time it is waving goodbye to most of their adult life up to that point, a lot of friends they are never going to talk to again, possibly family as well. If they are in a foreign country there is no infrastructure to hook up to, no family or non-scientology friends to stay with for a few days or weeks, no-one to tap into to look for work.

    So it is not a time of clear thinking for most, not a time when a person is doing well. So what appears obvious from here is not that obvious from there.
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2016
  15. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    How did I not know about post 46 (and subsequent posts) on this thread?

    Lotus ... how you managed to stay sane (and loving) is incredible.

    I'm feeling very upset for all those still trapped, especially those in a foreign country, because they may never get out until they become elderly, at which point they will be slung out.

    It's a human tragedy and though many of them created it for themselves it doesn't make it less so.
  16. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation


    Having each other must have been such a comfort in that dreadful situation ... most people who leave are very alone.

    Your relationship with your wife sounds pretty special to me.

    Love changes everything.

  17. Gib

    Gib Crusader

    I believe the difference in translation is because European Countries have closer ties to language structure to that of Latin. I think the best read on the structure of language between the ancients and present is this lecture by Hugh Blair:

    I have no problem with Lotus posts as they are kind of like Yoda speak, people have pondered why does Yoda speak as he does:


    Learn to speak Yoda:

    I think it's a kick, or speaking in Yoda speak: "I think, a kick, is it."

    If I were to state: "I love the way Lotus writes", in Latin it might be "love writes Lotus I"

  18. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous


    They did nothing to me in the SO - (I only had to suffer, like all SO members , the insane berthing condition)
    to the opposite I managed to avoid many insane stuff there (to be constantly yelled at...) and had protection of nice mericans guys - they respected me much...even the most obnoctious ones remained fine with me.

    Its another deep suffering that hit me there...the abused I witnessed and I couldn't stop..
    Especially the tech guys (CSes and auditors) put in RPF as well as the kids... - the constant humiliation of them - the best people you can find...and the people I saw slowly be transformed into slave droids... their eyes more smile..lost in their slave bubble...Many public and SO members are so shocked upon arrival in this dark abusive slave world..they have a psychotic break within the next few days...they are hidden and not to be seen on the base again. Some I knew disappeared.

    If I had not escaped..I would have get at the throat of a senior who was destroying people's soul...on a daily basis... He was a real scum..of the earth... He was driving me insane. :blush:
    I was growing hate within me.....Knowing I would be then put in isolation for loosing it...I decided It was time to leave...

    Long years after - I was still having nightmares about abuses done to others and me fighting and be put in isolation... Till the last day of my life I will never forget the emptied of life eyes and bodies there...I can't even look at videos on the sea org breaks my heart ...
    The elderly discarded quietly without sorrow- I prefer not to think about it :unsure:

    The worse I personnaly experienced happened later in my org...
    I encouter there a few scumbs of the earth!

    p.s I don't think I am sane...but I am a nice and gentle insane though :biggrin:

    You are totally right about latin language structure. Also being of latin roots , we think a lot in terms of emotions related to experiences and things to the opposite of brits who are cartesian and factual. The structure of language is different and when one thinks in french and then translate in english it doesn't work well..what I am doing when I write. :unsure:

    I tried the Yoda sometimes speaks like

    I must confess - something never told on the board...
    it's almost unbelievable and even though I am totally aware you have been fooled once...
    It's time to be deserve honnesty

    Time now to tell ...

    I am not from this planet....

    Last edited: Apr 4, 2016
  19. Gib

    Gib Crusader

  20. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous


    Sad - groot now you are

    I would have liked to find such a nice starman , landing in my living room
    and to share a glass of wine to welcome him ... :biggrin:

    so difficult and challenging to live on here, alone :bigcry:

    on this planet :confused2: