After having been "out" for 17 years, iin for 30 previously, it seems the brain washing and ridiclous ideas I bought into have no more "left" me than I have grown another head. I thought I had somehow left the pesky influences that captured me, kept me on a treadmill within the organization for 30 plus years. Short update: My life is at a crossoads. I seem to have inexplicably ended up in a culdesac, and wondering WTF and how did I get here. Googling around on the internet, I found a site by Terrance Gorski. It detailed hypnotism and mind control from the early ages. I realized that the explanations of hypnotism to explain what happened to me/us while under scientologys inflemce were more true and pervasive than I had ever acknowledged. thought Arnie was a bit "over the top", but am realizing he may not have been. I thought I was a pretty smart cookie-reading here for years, reading everything I could get my hands on to try and pull myself out of it. But I am realizing the idea that I was "free of them" ((OT 7 joke) is ridiculous. I am still drawn to the use of auditing to help me find and spot my problems, and would to this day love an L1C, or a good 53 to an fning list. This I just finally admitted to myself. I seem to have NOT absorbed what others have done to eradicate and remove these viruses of the mind. Despite reading here, other places etc. It seems to be as varied as why any of us got in in the first place-which always seemed to me to be different from person to person. I do not want to "hook up" with any exs still practicing, and would love to hear what "deprogramming" techniques have worked (in their own estimation) for others. Spot the times you violated your own common sense? There has GOT to be something beneficial reflection wise. I am posting here now because I want to move forward and be a part of a community that is healing, not just standing outside looking in. Mike and Leah are a tremendous testament to the fact one can regain their faculties. I am doubting mine ever had time to develop and grow,having gotten in at such an early age. So hello!