Freaking the F*ck Out! HELP!!!

[ChaoticPsychotic]

Hi friends,

I am in a bit of a crisis at the moment. For those of you who don't know, I cut my parents off from my life in August.

I found out today from my Grandma that my mother is headed for kidney failure and is now waiting for a transplant. She has lived with Polycystic Kidney Disease for 15 years now. Her mother died from it at age 48 and her brother at 52. My mom is 46. I don't know what to do. I am a mess right now. I need advice, prayers, consolations - something!!!!!

Help me. Please.

Love, Melanie

 

[Pliny Younger]

Melanie,

I don't pray, but for you I will. Best.

PY

 

[klidov]

You will be in my thoughts & petitions.

 

[exbritscino]

Thoughts are with you........

Hi Melanie.

Sorry to hear about your mum's condition.

Basically she need medical attention. How likely is she to accept this? How much is she into $cientology to prevent her from accepting this?

Only you may know.....

I hope all turns out well.

Let your mum know that there are many ex's wanting her to get well, and that we are not enemies of people in $cientology, just concerned people who stand up for people's rights. This includes the right to live and the right to a good quality of life.

All the best.

 

[uncle sam]

Melaine-there's one thing you can do!

Yes - of course I send you my prayers!
But - what you can do - is Learn everything you can about your mom's condition-how to get a transplant- how the list works- what treatment she can get as she waits-their is a whole host of things to know. Grab hold of one and start to learn!
Uncle Sam- loves you!

 

[olska]

If she'll accept your call, call her; if not, write her a note. Tell her you are sorry to hear that she is ill, that you wish her recovery and good health, and ask if there is anything you can do to help.
Isn't this what you would do for any close relative or good friend with whom you are on good terms? Try not to let her past (absolutely inexcusable imo) behavior toward you determine your own adult sense of right, wrong, morality, responsibiltiy, etc. etc.

If she accepts your communication and your offer to help, I'd stop short of donating one of your kidneys, even if it matches; but seriously consider other options she might mention that are within your capability. Some research, helping her find the way through the tricky USA health care system to find good medical care, etc. are real ways to help IF SHE WILL ACCEPT YOUR HELP.

If she refuses your communication and your help, that's on her -- oh well, you tried to do the right thing, but it takes two to repair a broken relationship.

Set aside any (certainly understandable) impulse you have toward vengeance, as if you "get even" with her, you end up just that: even with someone whose behavior toward you when you were vulnerable was despicable. Move beyond that and do the right thing. That's how little by little you repair your own broken heart and become whole.

btw I went through a similar journey with my own mother, though it was other issues between us, nothing to do with scientology.

 

[Wisened One]

Ohhhhh Melanie!

I am holding her in my thoughts and prayers!

What I find helps me when thinking of loved ones is to visualize a strong, healing, bright white Light surrounding them like a bubble.....

Meanwhile: I've started a candle group for her...if anyone wants to light one for her......

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=CPM

((((CP's mom))))

Michelle

Hi friends,

I am in a bit of a crisis at the moment. For those of you who don't know, I cut my parents off from my life in August.

I found out today from my Grandma that my mother is headed for kidney failure and is now waiting for a transplant. She has lived with Polycystic Kidney Disease for 15 years now. Her mother died from it at age 48 and her brother at 52. My mom is 46. I don't know what to do. I am a mess right now. I need advice, prayers, consolations - something!!!!!

Help me. Please.

Love, Melanie

 

[Been Done Had]

Get in touch with her immediately and let her know you love her. Keep it simple. Send a little note, flowers. Do not delay. You don't have t fix or solve anything. Just show love.

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

Everyone in the family should be tested to see if they are a match for donation of a kidney. That way she can get a transplant sooner than later.

My thoughts are with you, Mel. E-mail me if you want.

L, Momma Kathy

 

[byte301]

Melanie,

I am thinking about you. I hope you can get in touch with your mom. I think I've told you before that UNM is a good hospital. A friend of mine got a kidney transplant there and it worked out fine. I hope your mom is getting the help she needs.

 

[uniquemand]

End the "cutting them out of your life", IMO. Revenge is not the best policy. Tell her you love her, and wish for her to receive the best possible medical care, and that you will help her get it.

Love the one's in your life while you are here.

 

[HappyGirl]

Get in touch with her immediately and let her know you love her. Keep it simple. Send a little note, flowers. Do not delay. You don't have t fix or solve anything. Just show love.

^^^THIS^^^
Don't forget to show love to yourself, also. You are not the "fixer" of the world.

 

[Div6]

Just be there for her.

You can't save her, but you can be there for her....and listen if she wants.

Losing a parent sucks, but it is part of the equation of life....it happens at some point.

Ack her appropriately for the positive things she has done\accomplished, etc.

 

[degraded being]

Melanie,

I don't pray, but for you I will. Best.

PY

Me too. Remember there will be a lot of people involved and you will have to leave things in the hands of others at times, so please don't feel that YOU have to personally save your Grandmother -you can only do what others are willing to let you do and what you are able to do. It may not be much. It may be nothing. Don't fret about the impossible.

 

[feline]

Of course, CP. You and your family have been on my prayer list for some time now.

I can only reiterate what others have said. End the disconnection. If you can call, do so. Write if you can't. But offer whatever support you are willing to give.

I didn't get to see my Mom before she died and I regret that horribly. I understand the situation and your reasons for the choices you have made, but look at how this is impacting you and ask yourself if you would be okay with not seeing her one last time. If the answer is no and the option to do so is there, take it.

I'm sending all the hugs and prayers I can muster.

 

[EP - Ethics Particle]

Be prepared...

Dear Melanie,

Should you actually be able to see your mother as this evolves, I would say not to expect her to be in good shape as far as coherent communications go. My limited experience with people in renal failure has been that they are pretty much "out of it" unless recently dialysed.

Others may offer more and better advice and/or data here, so just for what it's worth.

You will do the best thing, I'm sure and my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

Mike

 

[Dulloldfart]

Some good advice on this thread. Give her lots of love and whatever communication she will accept.

I would suggest not giving her one of your kidneys if that option is possible and proposed to you. Not out of revenge, but for practical reasons. You need it more than she does. You're not in the greatest of health yourself, I believe you have said, and is possibly extending her life a short while worth reducing yours? If we could manage just as well with one kidney we wouldn't have been born with two. She most likely firmly believes she'll easily pick up another body next lifetime, so it's not like it's curtains for ever in her mind.

Anyway, the best of wishes to you.

Paul

 

[Martini]

Hi CP, I just want to chime in with the others that ending the disconnection sounds like a good idea.
When my grandmother was on her death bed, she whispered to me to please have my mother come see her. They had not spoken in over 5 years, and were basically completely estranged. I called my mom and relayed the communication, to which she insisted she would not do. I then went back to the hospital, and my grandmother asked me again for my mother, with a lot of intention this time. I could tell she was aware of her coming death. I then called my mother and DEMANDED she come see my grandmother (their upsets with each other had no real merit for this separation by the way, so your situation may be different). I did not take no for an answer and got her there that night. My grandmother and her cried together, made up, and she then died that night. True story.

Good luck to you.

 

[Free to shine]

Melanie darling, freaking won't help! Breathe...breathe...

So if she is actually on a list for a transplant that is a major GOOD thing. It means that it has not been ignored or left to OT powers to fix! There is some truth going into the situation and that is a positive step, right?

One of the hardest things for your Mum is going to be the "I am PTS" label. If that is enforced then blame will be shot out of a cannon at whoever seems to be "the SP". grouch: ) Don't be the target.

Even if she doesn't contact you, send her love. Send her heaps of love and healing thoughts. Just keep doing that whenever you think of it. Don't dwell on the negatives, the worry, the 'what ifs..' because that gives them form and reinforces them. If you find yourself doing that, immediately switch to just flowing love again.

It's hard to not be able to be involved, but in this situation it may have to happen that way unless she reaches for you. I pray she does, I really do.

While you are sending love, remember to send yourself some too, ok?

 

[Markus]

Hi Michelle

Nice Idea.
I did light a candle on your candle group and here in my home for Melanies Mother and for all her family.
Love
Markus

Ohhhhh Melanie!

I am holding her in my thoughts and prayers!

What I find helps me when thinking of loved ones is to visualize a strong, healing, bright white Light surrounding them like a bubble.....

Meanwhile: I've started a candle group for her...if anyone wants to light one for her......

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=CPM

((((CP's mom))))

Michelle