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Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by ChaoticPsychotic, Dec 1, 2008.
OMG These are the squirrels and raving, nattering Suppressives I'm not supposed to communicate with.
Welcome to the outside Mega!
Thinking good thoughts for you and yours Mel. Will light one of WO's candles.
I hear you Megalomaniac. What a bunch of awful people we are!
This is trite but true. If you feel strong enough to speak to her with love, do so. Leave aside all disagreements. Just the love is all you need to communicate. Whether or not she can "have" it, it will be good for both of you.
It's okay not to be able to get along, but even so expressing the love is important.
I wish you and your family all the best in dealing with this crisis however it effects you.
Mark A. Baker
I wish you and her the best.
What I learn from this sad story and my own situation
is that we maybe should not only cover up all the wrong doings and crimes of Scientology but also spread love to as many Scientologists as possible. It's Christmas soon and I think I will write many Postcards with love and best wishes to many Scientologists. They need our help - even those who where not really nice to us or our friends or relatives. They waste their life on a fake.
Let us help them with our love and heart.
This is what is missing in first place in the Church of Scientology!!
Let's see if it works
I have read all the replies, and am just being logical.
Firstly, it would appear that if so many of your family have suffered this disease that it is hereditary. This prevents you from making the ultimate sacrifice of donating one of your own kidneys, because under present conditions you are going to NEED both of them for yourself.
Secondly, how did you parents respond to all those letters we wrote for you?
Thirdly, my own experience:
My mother left home while I was still in High School. During and briefly after my time in Scn, I re-stablished contact and forgave all the abuses I had suffered as a child (even though she would still not "admit" them). In our discussions, one of the things my mother allowed for was that the house my father has spent so many YEARS building would remain his, because it was all he had left.
I had left $cn and was in a real job (one that actually paid money), and in an effort to get some cordiality into the seperation proceedings, I carefully negotiated a meeting between my mother and father. The meeting should have been filmed or video recorded. Jerry Springer fans would have loved it. Of course, I didn't know this at the time.
My father rang me that night to say that things had not gone well, and I thought "let sleeping dogs lie", so I left it till the following morning to ring my mother. I did so with the intention of thanking her for at least making the effort, and all she could do was abuse the hell out of me. Face-ripping and SRAs had nothing on this. I concluded with "Thank you for telling me I no longer have any parents." and hung up on her.
A few weeks later, I was contacted by my father's solicitors about the actual property settlement, and First thing on the list was 1/2 the house! This was the ultimate betrayal. That is when I disconnected completely. This was very difficult because I was so close to her mother, and it was difficult for her being caught between her grandson and her daughter.
I would not accept mail from my mother--it went straight in the bin. I would not allow her to have my new phone number(s), and I was still so angry that when I saw a sign "Have something engraved for mother's day." I walked and asked if they had grenades.
The solicitors made the mistake of putting a junior on the phone to take my statement for the divorce proceedings. After taking my statement that poor guy needed counselling! I had reduced him to the jibbering bawling wreck that I was.
<snip> You don't need the divorce story itself, except to say that my mother was awarded the minimum that the Judge could get away with that prevented her from appealling.
Now a few years later reality gave me a good kick in the groin: my "immortal" grandmother died! As she was the only family member to whom I had remained close, this was devastating, but I remained resolute that if I were to attend the funeral, I still wanted nothing to do with my mother. My blasted aunt tricked me, and it was my mother who was waiting at the railway station to pick me up!
I said to myself: "If this is what you want, Nan, I'll do it." I dutifully hugged my mother and let her have her burst of emotion, but I was cold and practical. My emotion was reserved for my grandmother (Nan).
My mother likes to delude herself that our relationship has been restored, but to me she is just another person in my life. When it comes to processing her estate, I will simply collect a few specified items, and in accordance with her will, see that everything else goes to the op-shop.
Melanie, it takes guts to cross that chasm again. It can be done, and you can build a new relationship--but do not expect it to be the same as the old one. If $cn is what has destroyed your relationship, then I wish you the absolute best in recovering how ever many years are left for your mother.
And yes, my grandmother still pops in from time to time just to see how things are going.
Thank you all so very much for the advice, the love, support and prayers. I am still trying to sort through things in my mind. My husband also thinks that I should contact her. He also feels that I should not offer one of my kidney's.
Even though this occurrence was inevitable due to the way the disease progresses, I had always thought it would happen much later in her life. So I am just in shock right now.
If I do make contact with her, I will let you all know how it goes.
I really hope you do that, Melanie. While it may feel righteous, or even have seemed necessary at one point to put her out of your life, an event like this shows that it impacts you, regardless.
Believe it or not, your life has the same effect on her.
Disconnection is a harmful illusion, and should only be practiced as a temporary, stop-gap solution to being overwhelmed, until you can find a position of strength to operate from. If you have found such a position, end the disconnection.
is it ok if I send you a PM and a e-Mail on this matter.
Sorry that I forgot to ask earlier.
Thank you for letting us know, Melanie. You're in my thoughts and prayers. I lit a candle for you and your mom. Please let us know what develops.
Im very sorry to hear of your mother's illness.
My best wishes go out to you that it will work out well.
That's a bright guy you married.
I recall a time when I decided to send my mother flowers. We hadn't spoken for some time as we were both lazy correspondents. I was busy with work and she was busy with her life and we simply didn't see the priority. Anyway, I mentioned to a friend that I was thinking of sending Mom flowers and asked her if she thought that would be something Mom would like. My friend told me that if I wanted to send flowers, to just do that. After all, I wasn't really doing it for Mom. I was doing it for me.
I was grateful to get that perspective. I quit worrying about what the recipient of my gifts would think. I do what I do for other people- for me. I get as much or more out of the act. Maybe that sounds selfish and maybe it is. But it works for me.
Hugs sweetie. I know that you can get through this.
You've in my thoughts. On advice lines, try and open them. Don't go into a gushy rush back because then she'll think somethings up. Note, card and flowers. That's the starting point (unless flowers are a bad thing in which case forget the flowers). Take things from there slowly.
I'd also say no to the kidney offer as the chances are you're not a match, unlike your grandparents who would most likely have been (don't work so much for kids and siblings across and up, but parents down to kids it works well).
Keep your head up Melanie.....
have you got my e-Mail? I want to say in addition to that: "Be sure it is not your fault!!" You even can see the illness of your mother as a chance to reunite you family. But even if she doesn't accept your help do everything to show her how much you still love her.
And what is very important too - don't forget yourself!
Talk about your feelings with people you can trust and really love you. You are a very good girl.
Keep your head up but if you feel so just cry as long as you want. And please let me know what I can do for you.
with much love
Call her. She is your mother. You don't owe her any body parts, but you do owe it to yourself to be there for her as much as you are comfortable with and as much as she will accept.
These things have a way of coming back to bite us down the road. And they also have a way of changing people (ie your mom).
If she rebukes your ovature...you have tried. If she doesn't, you might just find that your relationship is about to dramatically change. Don't be left asking yourself "what if I had...?" in the years ahead.
Where is ChaoticPsychotic?
Melanie? How are you & your folks?