Growing up in Scientology...

Discussion in 'Leaving Scientology' started by JRT8080, Dec 28, 2014.

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  1. JRT8080

    JRT8080 Banned

    So, my story is kind of crazy. Where to start. I was raised in Scientology. My parents were raised in Scientology as well, for the most part. Most of my life I grew up not really understanding this language that my parents were speaking. I remember my mother asking me when I wanted to start (scientology), and I was about age eight or so, and I told her when I was 11. I felt a certain kind of pressure, like I HAD to become one. That it was very important and that it was the only way she'd be proud of me. I was an only child and my mom was told she could not have anymore kids, so I always felt like I had to make up for that.So, I started it. At first, it made sense, and I was always a bit of a free spirit and loved the idea that I was an immortal being who could potentially have infinite powers. I did the lower levels, the study tech, etc. I had some auditing done, and even visited Flag a couple times with my mom and dad. I eventually went "clear". However, something didn't feel right. I had all these questions, I was always told that anyone who attacked Scientology were criminals and degraded beings, or SP's and I didn't want to be one of those. I wanted to make my parents proud of me. I never even made it to the OT levels before realizing that my parents were a part of a cult. A dangerous one at that. I knew what the church would have my parents do if I disagreed with it. I loved my parents......but finally I couldn't take it anymore. I told them that I didn't want to be a Scientologist anymore. I will never forget their expressions that day. It was as if I had told them the worst news anyone could hear, they tried for hours to change my mind, asking me what overts I'd done, etc, it was torture, but I'd made up my mind. Eventually both of them told me to get out. I was in college at the time, and only had a minimum wage part time job. I ended up having to stay with friends for awhile.....but because of the stress of being estranged from my parents I ended up dropping out of college. It's been a few years now since then, and I've been to countless therapy sessions, etc. I finally managed to get back into college, but my entire life has been ripped apart by this religion. I've been diagnosed with depression, and I can't seem to shake it away because the parents I love so much won't even talk to me even after all this time. I guess I am just looking for some kind of solace in this messageboard. Has anyone else here been through this? If so, any kind of help you can give me to get out of this rut, or maybe even get my parents to see the truth, would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome JRT8080.:welcome:

    If you spend some time reading this message board I think you'll find there are other people who have similar backgrounds to yourself.

    Just take your time and look around.:yes:
     
  3. JRT8080

    JRT8080 Banned

    Thank you, I'll go ahead and do that!
     
  4. Veda

    Veda Sponsor

    Welcome JRT8080,

    Here's an account by Bea Kiddo, a poster on ESMB, and you might find it to be of interest. Bea grew up in the Sea Org, was separated from her father at a young age after he was declared an SP and, ultimately, after 25 years, was reunited with him after she also left Scientology.

    http://www.paulsrabbit.com/AnOrphanWithParents_20081215.pdf

    It comes from Paul's Rabbit, which is mostly a collection of selected writings from ESMB assembled by Paul Adams, a.k.a. Dulloldfart, who also posts on ESMB.

    Also, here's a link to the Ex Scientologist web site, which contains a variety of content, plus selected items from ESMB.

    http://exscn.net/

    There's also the Ex Scientology Kids site: http://exscientologykids.com/ And the Ex Scientology Kids Message Board: http://www.exscientologykids.com/eskforums/


    JRT8080,

    You did the right thing and are setting an example for your parents as to what they should also do, and very possibly, eventually, sooner or later, will do, which is to leave corporate Scientology.

    Once they've left corporate Scientology, then, away from the influence of the organization, and with greater freedom to look and to think, they'll begin to unravel the doctrine of Scientology, and become less and less influenced by its ideas.

    It takes time.

    I don't know the age of your parents but, unless they are elderly, there's a reasonably good chance that one, or both, will eventually be reaching out to you for help as they leave, or prepare to leave, Scientology.

    So hang in there! :)
     
  5. JRT8080

    JRT8080 Banned

    Thank you so much Veda for taking the time to give me those links. I'm looking at them right now. I really hope you're right about my parents......
     
  6. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher

    I think this post is important, so I am taking the liberty to edit it a little for more readability.

     
  7. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Hi JRT!

    Welcome to ESMB! :welcome2:

    That's so great that you've gotten yourself back to college. Good for you! Stick with it, you're doing the right thing. You'll end up with a career and good job and better set of friends.

    Every college I know has free counselling. Did you know that? When I first got out of Scn I saw a counsellor at college and he was very helpful. After the Christmas break, get yourself signed up. Remember, Christmas is always harder on everyone emotionally if family relations aren't that great. Just get through it as best you can and be good to yourself. Once the holidays are over and you have your routine going again and the family losses don't come to mind so fresh, you'll feel heaps better.

    Besides that, there are so many interesting and fun social activities at college. I wrote for my college newspaper and they were a wonderful group. There are also group lunches, trips to places, you name it. Get out there and enjoy yourself. College is a great opportunity to grab everything life has to offer and make new beginnings.

    As far as your parents, do they completely refuse to communicate with you? Because it seems to me you can present yourself as never having been a Scientologist in the first place and make an agreement not to discuss their religion with them. Others can do that.

    It's nice to have you here and you're very welcome to be part of our group. There are lots of people here who had Scn parents and left, so there should be no lack of people to talk with who understand your situation and can help.

    Hugs,

    Sheila
     
  8. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

    :welcome2: JRT. If you go to the My story from inside $cientology section of the board you will find many stories of Ex.'s sharing their cult experiences. They are well worth the read and you will find you're not alone regarding what you've been through.

    :)
     
  9. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Hi :wave: and :welcome2: JRT - Wow, what a story. Sorry you had to go through that, but so glad you did, and are out. That is the saving grace in a sad family cult situation. Hopefully you have opened a door for your parents to someday walk away too. Sometimes it is the children who lead . . . .

    It always amazes me, when the 2nd - and now 3rd - generation of children sense something is wrong and walk away, into a very scary and unknown situation/world. That is the most amazing and courageous thing ever. :happydance: Hallelujah. Pat yourself on the back. That innate sense of needing to be free, of knowing something is not right - you have it, you protected it, you followed it. Humans are extraordinary, sometimes. You seem to me to be a most extraordinary person. That has started paying off for you - and being here on ESMB will let you know that you are not alone. :console: :hug: Happy New Year. :yes:
     
  10. Miss Ellie

    Miss Ellie Patron with Honors

    I was raised with sciobots from age 10 or 11 until 18. I always thought it was bullshit even as a kid. I "drifted" at 18 and just never did any other services. I did not do an open leaving due to family still being in. I knew the results would not be good. I was around & have an interesting stories on all that but that is for another day.

    Having openly stated that you are out they have a line in the sand and are afraid to cross it.

    Get what counseling &/or antidepressants you need to deal with this situation. You deserve to be happy.

    You are not your parents and they are not you. If they will not openly communicate just send postcards about once every 3-months with a short note. "doing great in school - taking XYZ classes", "took a trip to XYZ - had a blast" - end off with love & miss you. You do not have to go into great detail - just let them know that you are doing well. With a postcard they do not have to open a letter and are more likely to read it on the sly... Do not use your return address - they can not return to sender or write anything negative. They will find you when they are ready.

    Do not try to talk them out. Seeing you do well and knowing that you are happy will do more than any words you can speak. If any of their friends have left let them know you are out - that you want the parents to know you are happy. They might have contact with the friends before you.

    When the day comes and they are out - they will have a lot of catching up to do and a lot of guilt. Just let them adjust as they need to - the best gift you can ever give them is your love & support.

    I am sorry you are going through this. All my family & friends are out now - we have a blast.... you will too.

    You are doing great!

    :happydance: :clap: :happydance: :clap: :happydance: :clap: :happydance: :clap: :happydance:
     
  11. AnonyMary

    AnonyMary Formerly Fooled - Finally Free

    Wow... JRT8080, it never ceases to break my heart upon reading the intro posts of former 'scientology kids' who have had to endure such bizarre and often emotion suppressed lives because their parents thought the tech was the answer to everything. I'm so sorry you got sucked in.

    I just want to thank you for joining ESMB and sharing. Story's like yours are so important to be told and to be read. There is much care and support here for those who grew up in the church or a scientologist household and were pushed to join. I'm sure you will find and read about others who share a similar background. I hope you will find comfort and help from them and others here, myself included.

    [​IMG]
     
  12. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    I really think you are doing pretty good for what you have been through. Who wouldn't have a little depression after these experiences. As far as making loved ones see the truth, that is a big reason ESMB exists and there will be no magic truth bullets here, only ideas and support. Each situation is different and you will have to decide for yourself what seems right and useful.

    I have come to the conclusion that having a happy and successful life away from the cult is sometimes the best thing some one can do in order to make others realize the truth about Scn.

    It seems that the disconnection was their choice and not forced by the church. If this is so it should be easier to reconnect as the decision is theirs alone so I think keeping in contact will eventually yield results even if they still are scientologists. I would just avoid the subject of Scn if they reach out. Be sure and keep your anti or ex status under the radar as long as they are in or the church will likely order a disconnection. I have found the church itself will put up with quite a bit if not done in a public fashion.

    Welcome
     
  13. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Silver Meritorious Patron

    A big problem I would have in your situation is nostalgia, memories. All your childhood is tied up to that place and letting go of Scientology means letting that go too.

    If it is any consolation, and I will not speak for everyone but I feel that we all sort of go through that. For a long time I wanted to please my Catholic parents, failed. In the end I have never completely lived up to their expectations. One day I had to accept that hey, I am not a perfect child and not their perfect child. So I decided to just love them, accept them and cherish their memory but at the same time to realize and accept that I didn't fit with them, that I could never go back to that world. Not that it wanted me even. And even if it did I could not. Same with Scientology. I don't fit it. I can't go back and don't want to. If I did the same would happen. I'd be declared again.

    Remember that you are their only child. What you did may eventually force them to think on things. Maybe.

    If it's an option, create a visiting pattern with them in which you don't try to demand they see your side and in which they agree not to re-recruit you. Just go out to eat or to the beach or just visit in a park. Or send them an email, even if they do not answer, saying I love you, hope you are well, take care. it creates a hope and a relationship how ever slim. Keep it positive and avoid all the 'stuff' that causes the problems. Ignore the therapists if they recommend that you somehow try to accomplish something. Don't try to accomplish anything in relationships. Let them be. Let them become whatever they can become on their own. Just be there for your parents no matter what, just because they are your parents.


     
  14. Margaret

    Margaret Patron

    Really good advice re staying in contact via postcards and a great post in general. Thank you.
     
  15. Madscotsman

    Madscotsman Patron

    What a sad story again, Been there, wore the T-Shirt. Its all about expectations, if you expect your family to change, then your in for a long wait. best to get on with your life, make the most of it and maybe one day something will change. we all need the love from our parents, its gives us strength, thats maybe where the Depression is stemming from! Feeling Lonely! Good Luck!
     

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