Hello. Today I watched Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief.
I was in scientology for 20 years. I am in my 7th year of working my way out of the installed phobias, the black and white thinking, and the mess my life became due to my years in the cult.
I loved the way the documentary was constructed. It's a huge subject to tackle. A fine piece of work, capturing what being a scientologist is really like. It is, by far, the best documentary I've seen on the subject - and I've watched them all as part of my recovery.
It is a very layered documentary - there is a lot in it. People who have never been exposed to the cult are being introduced to some very serious, very real, aspects of cult life. As an ex-scientologist, it brought back a lot of memories of what it was like to live in a cult bubble and be truly devoted to Hubbard's strange ideas. The depictions of the e-meter and the euphoric feelings around e-meter auditing (counselling) triggered me a little, and I felt tinges of old shame flicker deep inside.
I was very moved by the ex-scientologists in the documentary. I sat here, nodding, saying "yeah, I know what you mean. I know exactly what you mean."
It has been a big day and it's going to take me a while to process all that the documentary presents - and represents.
I feel throwing my arms into the air and roaring from a mountain top "I feel heard! I feel a fresh sense of vindication."
My sincerest thanks and love to all involved in the making of this documentary. From my heart to yours, may we all find peace.
I do not know what else to say. I feel utterly inarticulate. I can't seem to string sentences together or find anything funny to say. I think I just need to be quiet and still.
Tonight I just wish I had not wasted most of my adult life in the cult of scientology. Tomorrow I'll dust myself off, get back up, and keep walking further into my new life. It does get easier, I promise.