How to help someone

Discussion in 'Leaving Scientology' started by Lydia408, Nov 14, 2015.

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  1. Lydia408

    Lydia408 New Member

    I'm not sure if a thread already exists for helping other people break out, but I'll start here. I am a non scientologist who is currently in a relationship with someone who grew up in the bubble of this cult.

    I've taken one course and read half of dianetics and thought it was garbage to be honest, but I thought hey if my partner likes it then good for them. But, my partner has expressed to me many times in the last year that they are very unhappy with a lot of stuff in this cult.

    I am under the impression after reading a lot that my partner may have gotten in trouble at some point at the church and possibly abused due to their level of anxiety related to it. My partner does not go to the church currently (even though their parents push it I think) but did go daily about a year ago.

    I actually had no idea what people even do in the courses until last week. Due to his family's reaction when I mentioned therapy (very hostile) I had to research what their deal is.

    To be honest I was horrified and really scared *for* my partner after reading a lot of this stuff.

    Now here's my question, my partner seems torn between wanting to move on with their life and break away from this mental prison or to endure in order to maintain a good relationship with their family and friends who are all scientologists.

    What is the best way to comfortably open someone's eyes and ease them out of holding onto this fear based faith?

    I know educating my partner on the truth is a good idea.. but if someone has been buying into such an elaborate delusion their entire life and their entire social network reinforces these ideas it's easy to dismiss ideas that counter the delusions as an attack on their beliefs.

    Was there anything in particular that really helped anyone wake up and become human again?

    How do I let them know it's okay and ease them into having their own mind, opinions, choices, critical thinking skills and also to be able to go to the doctor or be okay with saying I feel sick today.. I want to have kids one day with this person and that will be hard if they hold onto these anxieties. Which is funny because isn't that what Scientology claims to rid people of?
  2. Dulloldfart

    Dulloldfart Squirrel Extraordinaire

    People who break away from the CofS get shunned by those still in. If one has close family members still in, it's a very hard decision to make. By shunned I mean totally, won't even talk to or look at. There are people on this message board who literally have not spoken with their children -- whom they still love -- for decades.

    EDIT: I'm typing on a proper keyboard now so can be less terse. The CofS shunning is called "Disconnection." If you Google disconnection along with scientology you'll find more than you'll care to read on the subject. Have a box of tissues handy. (Not kidding).

    Last edited: Nov 14, 2015
  3. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Last edited: Nov 14, 2015
  4. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Hi Lydia,

    Welcome to ESMB! :welcome2:

    I spent nine years as dedicated Sea Org staff in Scientology and completed auditing to OT 4. I'll leave it to others more recently out to provide advice or information on getting out of the current COS, but your partner should know these things:

    1) The e-meter is not accurate. It reads on literally everything from television shows you see to things you imagine and books you've read and about anything else imaginable. It's actually quite easy to beat the e-meter.

    2) Scientologists don't have any sort of special powers beyond an incredible ability to lie to themselves and others. They don't read minds, they don't have psychic powerz. No more than anyone else, anyway.

    3) The Church of Scientology has no right to ask a person to tell or say everything about themselves. It is not your friend and anyone who does so is a fool. Your thoughts are private, what you disclose is entirely your business and who you disclose it to is part of one's personal rights.

    The first step of getting out is to stop foolishly 'spilling', telling every which detail about one's self and others. Read what you want, write what you want and don't worry about having to report every little thing you do. It's amazing how quickly one can regain independence when one first takes back their own rights to privacy, as well as the right to read what they wish, speak to whom they wish and have thoughts of one's own.
  5. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    As far as getting away from Scn, one approached I used when still "in" was to just move. I had a job which was a couple hours drive from the nearest org, and I moved close to my work. This made it easier to give an excuse for not attending events or going to course on a regular basis.

    As far as openly leaving, I would save it for a last resort, if partner has most of the family being in. Just become more trouble than worth for the reges to call for money, or to get in for services.

    Somebody who has lost interest in training and auditing is likely 90% out, mentally, and just making the correct noises to satisfy the "in" family and friends so as to not alienate them.

    Play it by ear. Don't push too hard, and let it happen. Currently, you can't go to a supermarket without seeing things like "Leah Remini's Escape From Scientology" on the cover of People Magazine, and TV programs about Scientology. It will take its toll eventually.

    You can ask partner things like "I saw the People Mag cover in the supermarket. What are they saying in the Org about it?" Let him talk a while about the official story. Then ask "Do you believe the official story?". Play it by ear.

    If you can get partner to open up about any abuse received by Scn, and talk about it, then you are 95% there.
  6. Helena Handbasket

    Helena Handbasket Gold Meritorious Patron

    If your partner is NOT on staff then s/he should just fade away. A more dramatic exit would cause their family members on the inside to be told they have to disconnect (shun) your partner.