I simply cannot recall

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by yeah, Jul 29, 2018.

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  1. yeah

    yeah Aberrated

    Hello. It feels good to be anonymous. I was going to post this under scientology general discussion but it became a rant of personal sorts and I don't know where to post it now...

    I may not write very cohesively , or make much sense … I might ramble a bit .. this is to reflect the state of my mind . This may be the style of writing of a broken being. I also haven’t proof read it all because it got long and arduous to read.

    I have introduced myself before ... differently under a different account but I no longer use it because I forgot the password or something and then I found it but then I lost it again became lazy and made a new account instead ... I am aware that I am not supposed to have more than one account and that it is against the rules… (see my signature) …. I also had five facebook accounts at one time and left three of those to the birds... supposedly I had given away too much information with the other account which may have given away my identity or whereabouts and not like I care because I live far away from the ‘meccas’ of lrh so yeah... In any case I am not very concerned because I knew many sea org members and they are just normal human beings and additionally , many people who were way more involved on much deeper levels have gone public and seem to be alright. I can't say I won't give myself away again because I am careless... Beautiful and carefree.
    Besides, all those fools can seem to come up with according to what I have seen on this board, are to buy expensive filming equipment and to go filming people like awkward dorks. And there are the lawsuits too I guess, I mean what could I get in trouble for saying ? If you or I were no longer a patron of the church or 'church'?
    Let's just give them the benefit of the doubt and say church because people can believe whatever they want right?

    It is funny how when in scientology there is so much propaganda that it is unknown within that realm the actual status of things and the group ... I mean it's pain to see but ... You know , with all the hype it’s almost like gaslighting… Like I don’t see any expansion “yes there is so much expansion’ , all I see is some pavement and a parking lot , ‘we are clearing the planet and everything is going well , according to plan’.

    I'm sure executives know... Them people at OSA must know .. Hey OSA how are your stats globally? I mean how is scn doing? Maybe I should say 'CoS'.

    I looked up the letters OT in caps on google image search the other month and all that came up were images of Occupational Therapist type things. As far as I could scroll down that’s all there was..
    Maybe that should tell us something.

    I could say something to grab the attention of the NSA and say there are 'NUCLEAR WEAPONS AT the Flag Landbase in florida " muahahaha , just kidding NSA that was just a story in the confidential OT materials and proportedly in Hawaii in some volcano seventy five million years ago , before the advent of nuclear weapons but there was a time machine and LRH went and hung out with Xenu and they had lunch together and together they conquered the world like pinky and the brain, if pinky and the brain were combined and cloned. Or one person.
    anyway NSA just kidding , don't give those sea org people a hard time they are already under so much stress to work on faith for a pittance, within the bubble and framework of mind required to try to do something silly like 'heal the world and make it a better place'. Under the guise of a self help group all the while being a very weird pyramid scheme
    I hear they spend sleepless nights to get their stats up , stats that reflect # of ppl brainwashed.
    I couldn't enjoy being in the sea org because it seems they are always in a hurry and in a rush or pressured like there is some sort of deadline .. being the ever impending doom and apocalypse of earth and its inhabitants ... which is like cranking a jack in the box ... not fun ... :p Imagine ‘I could wake up dead any moment’ hehe.
    I kind of imagine the sea org as people who believe themselves to be paladins of the light or those who take the mantle of light to fight the shadow. In order to end the suffering of the world.. Meanwhile the christians only care about the alleged suffering of the christ , which also doesn't make much sense.

    You know this reminds me of the movie Austin Powers where Dr. Evil is plannng to drill into the earth's crust to detonate a nuke deep within the earth's core... of course that's just phooey because the bomb would melt after it came into contact with the magma.. right.. and plus a nuke is kinda small when compared to the size of the planet... it would take more than a nuke to explode all the volcanoes on earth ...

    I have always sort of felt that some of the appeal of scientology was the patchwork quilt aspect of it . It kinda could have done away with a lot of things. Because there wasn’t a central theme it was ugly. There was also a great deal of beauty. In all things there is beauty.

    I very much like eclecticism. Kind of like taking the best of a variety of worlds whose-ever worlds they may be and making something else .. I suppose it happens all the time
    Syncretism is appealing to me and maybe that's why so many people have shown at least initial interest. After all why settle for a single god or doctrine when you can have them all?
    LIke a mess of psychology , art , humanity, philosophy , rituals, science , absurdism, surrealism and economics.

    This is the age of enlightenment and the internet is wonderful, wikipedia is great. My friends were really cool free thinkers and were into everything.. from magic the gathering to renaissance festivals, sleepovers, videogames and movies and cigarettes and rock music to skating and poetry and science fiction including scientology but it was often swept aside and forgotten. I am grateful to have met those who fully embracing all that life had to offer, resulting in a wealth of information of all kinds , not necessarily keeping to one or another theology. As if the mind were a social butterfly visiting different schools of thought. A free flowing lifestyle of endless possibilities and good hardy har hars.

    I am someone who didn't pay for my services in scn . Most of my involvement was when I was young, too young to work they say. And therefore I don't really feel the sting of all the debt incurred quite yet.

    It's kinda like , some guy called lrh said lets take and borrow from all sorts of sources and make this
    weird thang . Only to make some kind of money as he didn't believe in much else.

    random thoughts

    I was a skinny lanky kid who was tall and kind.
    I was indicted by my mother who thought that it would be better for me to become a scientologist than to go to jr high school.
    When I did the purif I was about eleven , the cs determined from the beginning that I would or should take niacin in powdered form because of my body type , I was like eleven at the time and I don’t know why anyone would do a detox at that age... supposedly I believe I overheard that it the niacin would be assimilated/ absorbed better if it were in powder or something. I had never and would never see or meet the CS, and this implied the assumption that they knew me personally or at all … and of course they didn’t , I was just some kid…
    Because I was a very well behaved boy who did everything he was told (the other option was to silently run away ), as the dosage of niacin increased throughout the term … I would spend more and more time in the bathroom each day when I got to the purif location I would be at the bathroom sink for what felt like hours , I’d stand in front of the mirror with a cup and the bottle of vitamins… and like a fool I would mix the powder with the water and tried to drink it. It became unbearable , I had no one to talk to and I didn’t speak to anyone..
    This older boy who was In his mid or early teens began to come into the bathroom during my ‘ritual’ and I guess he tried to interrupt what I was doing by pulling my shorts up my asscrack (wedgies) … and I never told anone about this..
    Perhaps he was trying to help me break my concentration… it took a lot of concentration to try to force myself to swallow that much niacin. It may have been a cheap crummy grade vitamin for all I know.
    For a while I thought he was a bully but anyway he didn’t succeed in curtailing my activities which could have been curtailed by spoken words communication of oral sorts… Why learn to speak englich if people can’t or aren’t allowed to speak their minds? The other vitamins tasted awful as well , B1 makes me sick.
    I don’t know if there were hidden cameras or not … I guess there was a paranoia about being watched… because the ‘all knowing cs’ required me to do these things, I didn’t know, although the place was usually vacant. I rarely saw anyone else in there. I remember having weird dreams about that bathroom.
    I got to about 3000 mg or was it 30,000 I don’t remember , I think even the cs said I should stop at 30,000 or was it 3000… although I probably would have gone and ended at 50,000 or 5,000. It was a relief , I don’t know if I was just dreaming but I still had trouble drowning myself with it.
    the taste of powdered niacin is awful. At some point my body just didn’t need anymore and began to reject it… you know the theory of how you can take cell salts and they’ll taste sweet at first until your body has had its fill and no longer needs any of whatever they are made of and then the cell salts will either loose their sweetness or stop tasting like anything or whatever(?) , well the niacin was tolerable for a little while and then I couldn’t drink any anymore.
    People who had to take it in pill form had it better but I imagine they might have suffered from bouts of vomiting or diahreah.
    I probably could have easiliy just not taken any of the niacin .. or any of the vitamins and just flush them down the drain or toilet or sink… Just like people who are on medication. I probably wouldn’t even have to lie about it since noone really seemed to mind me at all. .. I don’t think anyone was watching me … that’s the problem with the honor code I mean honor system… like if you don’t want to do something don’t do it.. but if I didn’t I might find myself in trouble. Of course scn is extremely lax and bad because they only care about their income and stats . And because they as an organism depend on people on flow zero… you can get away with a lot.
    I remember there was a group of young teens who would would do sexual things in the sea org slideshow, they would deliberately watch it as a group over and over and ‘get it on’ therein . Hahaha . I think they were caught at some point … and got into trouble like being sent to ethics… haha haha the org was so vacant… it’s hilarious.. . sea org always acting like they had so much to do but there was nothing to do…
    no one is ever going to clear the planet hahahaa.

    Anyway. In the end I was on the purif like 43 days or so , I don’t know but a long time and I can’t say it was healthy. If you want to pay a grand, which it was at the time in the 90’s, to hang out somewhere hot and humid, just go to the equator for a month. Lol I just had a thought , I wonder what people in florida thought about doing the purif in florida… hmm , like ya don’t really need a sauna .. am I right?

    Speaking of which the honor code , the scientology honor code is total rubbish. It says “never desire to be liked or admired’ lol … how do you expect to become a better person and make friends with precepts like that?
    I think it is one of the fundamental thoughts which drives me to have a social life… I want to be liked yes. If I didn’t want to be liked I would’t be a decent person and I wouldn’t have any friends.. to be honest perhaps I’ve been following the teachings of scientology too long.

    That’s another thing which trully bothered me: people hanging on to quotes ... like wow I heard some excerpt from some lecture the other day by ron who blabered on and said "... 'blah blah blah blah blah' ... -Lrh " and it's supposed to be insightful or some sort of wisdom or of great interest but not to me , It's just more random dust in the wind .. I would rather say gusts in the wind cause it makes more sense that way because you can’t see it , it’s just soundwaves. Therefore disruptions in the wind… thank you lucifer.

    To this day I still live in fear of the tyranny of a few people who deem themselves sientologiests the true believers , I am connected to one now.. .I wish he would just fucking die… it’s been ages and he won’t keel over.. oh well… if anyone fits the definition of suppressive or people it is the fanatics… of this horrendous religion. Anyone who likes the teachngs of lRh is probably mentally ill.

    On the other hand there is quite a lot which could be salvaged from said religion.
    I may have liked scn… Some people made it seem draconian and my father made it seem austere .
    And I could not stand my mothers stand point of it which was that there wasn’t anything better and let’s give all our cash to the organisation (wtf)
    TR's and objectives could certainly be revised .. I really would have loved the tr's had they been less weird .....
    I didn't like tr 7 or was it 8 where we were supposed to yell at an ashtray ... I am a quiet person and I don't like to yell much less scream at an inanimate object telling it to sit down when it has no legs or stand up also when it has no legs... or ears and therefore can't listen or hear me speak ,or take orders , i suppose that in the future they'll have some crazy ashtray robot which can 'sitdown' and stand up... come to think of it ... It is the future now .. XD hahaha
    I remember yelling at this ashtray in some room with some stranger and it was just a weird experience.

    Anyhow... there’s the repetitive nature of tr 3 and 4... I remember it being slightly painful and completely awkward asking a sentient multi cellular life form classified as a mammal of great intelligence and massive proportions the same or similar questions over and over trying to do so 'without sounding robotic' ... i mean what were we supposed to do , vary the pitch ... alternate rhythms of voice or make voice impressions? that was probably against the protocol as well. I mean repeating the same thing over and over automatically makes it the drill robotic .. just ... just ... bleh

    Tr0 and Ot tr0 would have been cool had I gotten to know the person first ... for instance , first introduce yourself to the person who is your twin , have some casual conversation before you begin , it’s better if they are a friend or family or significant other .. however .. it is just like meditation and it’s not for everybody , maybe some people can ‘benefit’ from it but I just fall into a trance wondering if it there is anything to it at all…
    ..and during the drills you can blink , itch , scratch and yawn as much as you want.

    The whole thing was awkward... I tried to do a 'model session' with one of those raggedy ann dolls and it was just a disaster ... all the unnecessary or inconsequential steps and the training which preceded it ... looking back it was very ritualistic ....
    it (auditing) is just a very strange super expensive conversation gone wrong.

    I can say that I sort of liked the key to life course. I would have enjoyed it much more had it not been mandatory for most of the course materials to be entirely word cleared and read Method 9 , I would have rather it had been method 7 or a super chill casual version of method 7 if any method was used at all. Truly 'no method of wordclearing' would have been better.
    I was usually red tagged because we'd go to the examiner and as any normal teenager I would just sit in the chair and look at the lady on the other side of the table and hold the cans and my needle would wander aimlessly or do nothing very interesting I guess... often my needle would float briefly and then I would be ok... I would sit there and smile and hope that my needle would float because otherwise i would be red tagged and go into 'repair' sessions which were rather dull , they asked what overts withholds , or whatever .. and the hours would drag on and I had grown up in mild poverty and was rather poor and the auditing hour was like three hundred and fifty dollars per hour . ... it made me nervous and I was a total mess, I was worried all the time. My parents, who were very frugal and savvy in money matters were total idiots when it came to scientology for unknown reasons.

    In the end I had racked up like 13 , 000 dollars in debt because I had gone to review so often.. jsus crist
    and after that my mind was a mess too.
    Scn is supposed to be a serene (in my mind) place like other religions are deemed to be , but all I wanted to do was blow.. or run away.
    after that course .. I tried to do the Life orientation course but after what I had gone through I couldn't bring myself to want to method nine anything ever again ...

    Talking about scn in the ugly light of truth … is like bringing sand to the beach …

    I want to talk about public and private school.
    I was a teen , I had attended a private school run by scientologists for the first few years of my education. I remember how we were given somewhat advanced reading materials and sat down in a room along a narrow desk against a wall to study all day , the room seemed dark to me. I struggled because it was a skipped gradient … all alone we would sit and look at the pages of the book and it really didn’t make much sense to me. There was a man who was like a ‘course supervisor’ and supposedly we were supposed to raise our hand when we finished an assignment and he would come to see if it was correct , if so he would make a large checkmark on the page. Anyway it was horrible to think that adults would waste the time of children by putting academia first and social interactions second or last. I feel very strongly about this because as an only child who spent very little time with other children … So you adults can relate , coming to school was like using a condom while having sex…
    Like the best idea ever ‘’ let us bring all the children from a neighborhood together and put them in rooms according to their age. Brilliant .. best idea ever …
    and then some mindless dolt says … but they can’t make noise and they have to sit quietly most of the time and not interact. :[
    which is really sad..
    And after they master the very difficult ability of sitting still and not doing much… in social situations for most of their lives… then what… you have effectively cultivated a biological organism with the mind of a vegetable.
    Another thing which upsets me is that romance and love and friendship is kind of ignored altogether.
    The only thing that kept me from being lively was because everyone else was following orders. And we were all strangers.
    It requires a great deal of concentration to just sit around all day not doing anything just listening to lecture.
    Social interactions are arguably far superior to academia, because being able to build and maintain relationships is valuable. Most speech is learned through interpersonal communication. Giving and receiving words is what makes life interesting.

    Theoretically speaking.
    if you have poor social skills in life you are not likely to make friendships or build relationships well or find a mate.

    AS far as children are concerned, nurture and nature are very important and academia is neither… Besides, academia can come naturally later on in life when and if the mind is healthy and happy. Sitting in a classroom with others , is like being alone together , I can’t stand it.
    It is normal for humans to want to spend time with other humans, I personally don’t like being alone. Yet all these years I have suffered from loneliness.
    Omg like the wasted years ..
    I used to own mice , mice are mammals just like we are and we share like 98 percent of the same genes.. the behaviour of mice is as follows, while they are awake they are always moving always exploring always curious and running around… you couldn’t make mice go to school I can assure you.

    In elementary school we wake up , go over to the facility and sit while the professor goes on ... and it's just the same way in elementary school as it is in college.. at least when I was around during the nineties. Somebody with a masters degree lectures for many hours and maybe the subject is different but not really any more advanced.. And in college there is no recess to play and get to know other people... imagine school without recess…

    My experience in public school in los angeles was much like this:
    I would wake up… and go to class.
    The rest of children would arrive in the morning probably around nine a.m.
    I would always be groggy and wonder why anyone would wake me up for such a thing.
    We would sit in class for about two hours. It was exciting because there were other kids around … It was also incredibly boring because we weren’t allowed to do anything.
    Something which was kind of uncommon in my life.
    The bell would ring and we would go to recess for half an hour. This was during the nineties. I have heard they’ve chopped recess time in half and now it is only fifteen minutes. Because academia is so important to these people O_o ..

    Then we would go back to the classroom and sit until lunch time. Half an hour for lunch and half an hour of second recess.
    Then we would go back into the classroom for another two and a half hours.
    I would sit and stare at the clock because the second hands were one of the few things in motion… that’s how dull it was.
    I made few friends…

    I took a communications class in college recently and I came up with some very good ideas for it… because it was mostly cryptic parapsychology and could have easily passed for a theorhetical psychology class.

    During my time in scn in my teens I was going through puberty and no one anywhere had ever alluded to how emotional and intense and life changing it is. Like times tables in school are okay but what about this desire to seek out and meld with the opposite sex? Please explain it is of urgent importance.

    Anyhow was going mad with the allusions that it was mandatory to be a participant and try to understand but in reality it was all flow zero and there was much to do about nothing.
    No one could have cared less about me… it’s the sort of mental conditioning that once the authoritarian dweeb got ya in a spin you’ll follow the path, especially if that person is one of the few you know and trust and everyone else is a stranger.

    And now I would like to speak of my family…
    My parents weren’t talking to one another , they had divorced when I was ten and the divorce was horrific from my point of view.. because it was nothing short of physically violent which it almost was, I remember my father breaking everything in a room because he was upset , like having temper tandrums seemingly of someone like a retarded lunatic , incapable of being able to communicate freely.

    Years passed and although things got better in many ways , in my mind only a little changed. I was kinda like in a time bubble , because my parents never tried to sort things out as far sentient beings with feeling and emotions go … people moved on with their relationships and the few people I knew were my parents

    My parents sought therapy with each other for their quarrels and their deteriorating marriage and often went with the MAA (master at arms) but I was not included in this and very little if anything as ever said to me as if I didn’t have a family. . It’s almost like my ‘family’ which may have only been in my mind fell apart in reality .. my imagination was all that was keeping this could have been dream of reality from breaking up. Being an only child who didn’t know what was going on , other than the communication tension which lasted for years, and got worse, I was unaware of things because my parents were quiet about it to me… kind of in a contradictory way.. bit of oa dichotomy here… and my father would blow up for tiny random reasons , any mention of my mother would give him a fit, he would have kittens and go into a wild rage.

    that was my last encounter with method nine... (trigger warning / content warning ) thank god. .

    That's one thing that bothered me ,, I was young and healthy and slender and the scios and their tecqk were just automatically processing humans as if one size fits all sort of deal.
    Like hey you haven't done the purif yet...yeah but i"m twelve and quite healthy though..

    Individuality and will power are so important.

    I found out that if you begin a session and the auditor (unisex) says 'this is the session' and your needle isn't clean or doesn't float he says let's do some overt withhold checking zzz zZZzz I can say that as a well behaved boy there really wasn't anything to find out... The only thing I could think of was that I occasionally masturbated and I was in the age of puberty or post puberty. I didn't have anyone to help me with my sexuality. Anyway it was awkward telling another human being about this especially because it was a guy, but that was it and my needle was never clean so eventually I got bored and my dumb auditor would keep looking for o/w's and I became crazy and imaginative so I started making things up ... like yes I killed 34587980423475 people and I was this weird lion statue thing (i'm drawing from warcraft 3 here) and I remember sitting in a meadow like a sphinx but i have wings and this was 1220000 years ago... lol ... I used to read fairy tales. hehe

    Sometimes it appears that scn doesn't care about the individual and it is based on hive mind mentality
    If I am not mistaken.

    Kind of annoying was the 'everything fast fast fast quick quick quick' . don't let them rest ... bounce, bounce bounce , up and away, to infinity and beyond, mindset. I mean how long do these people plan to live?
    It was always like “ we gotta clear the planet before the deadline” and there is no deadline or maybe it has passed.
    Perhaps it was just the subculture in which I was in , for all I know it could have been entirely in someone elses mind or in my mind but where do we draw the line between reality and imagination or between people. Sometimes it all gets blurry. Here we are, in the dream we all dream of.

    In the end to them peoples by their protocol is the floating needle it seems but why should i make my needle float. They don't even know me ... aside from the course supervisor.

    Of course I have no idea what a floating needle is or what it is the result of , I think that by pressing certain thoughts I could sometimes make one happen.

    The way auditing and its purpose was described to me seems to be kind of like taking advantage of yourself. For instance , a human body is developed and you have one heart two eyes and a brain. It grows to a certain size and there are many mysteries. The conscious mind (according to the movie Lucy 2014) is only ten percent of the capacity of your entire brain normally used at any one time while awake, and that is because if your brain were functioning at full capacity all the time it would be exhausting , unnessesary , unnatural and maybe the length of your life span would decrease considerably, kind of like a candle that burns , it is not wise to burn it at both ends.

    This seems to be the case with any addiction to try to achieve a state of mind which isn't sustainable.

    Like most mammals I have heard that our hearts are good for about one billion beats, with proper nutrition and sleep and living conditions.

    Like most warm blooded animals people do become animated for many reasons... for emergency situations, when taking flight or in peril , in love or in hate I dunno yall know how it is. So this all fluctuates and the mind is smart and instinct takes over. In such cases using more than ten percent of the brains capacity ... but who knows , when we say 'use' the brain
    But like maybe those reserves of the mind/ brain are important (if you plan to live for a long time) to be kept secret and hidden, situational and compartmentalized for the appropriate circumstances. In computer science we call it the abstract which is that which is kept hidden from the operating system or user in order for it to work better and programs to operate smoother.
    Kind of like the Johari window; for those of you who don't know it is a theory in which the self is made of four parts , the hidden self, the unknown self, blind self and the open self. In theory , if you were made aware of all your parts , your brain or mind wouldn't work well, and it is important then to be somewhat mysterious and have multiple personalities and to not know everything there is to know about yourself. In that sense control of your body is decentralized and you can act without thinking or having to make decisions which require the attention of the higher neural networks of neurons. You become autonomous and individual parts of the mind work independently and carelessly , the ego resolves and the self becomes one with the universe.

    I knew a guy who said that whenever he would go to the examiner he'd think of christmas , in order to make his needle float.

    I wonder if the emeter has any value at all.

    I once played with an examiners e-meter while she wasn't around and could make myself theta bop .. or make the needle theta bop by being 'intense' or whatever.
    I think I made myself rockslam (on purpose) during an examination.
    Later she said she wouldn't ever get into a taxi with me or a car.. I don't know why .. I am fairly certain I could make myself or the needle rockslam by thinking horrifically violent things ... I think I did so on purpose a few times ... it was just focus and concentration on thoughts of some kind perhaps hatred or despair, desperation... like a panic attack ... kind of like I don't have a mouth but would like to scream ... I do remember my auditors reaction when he saw this ... I think we were just chilling in session and I felt like there was nothing happening so I did the thing and he started looking at the dial and writing something...
    I did these things, trying to send a message to my auditor.. i guess they weren't impressed .. they kept saying I couldn't recieve auditing and sending me to a medical doctor or whatever and I say well i went to the medical doctor and you want me to go again .. why? the response was that there was something wrong with my body and it kept making weird reads on the meter or something. And a blood test would clear things up supposedly. But truly they were just a spiritualistic outfit and well why bother in any case.
    There was nothing wrong with me , I was young and incredibly lonely. I just kind of didn't have any brothers or sisters and my cousins lived far away and school really doesn't give much time to socialize and develop the natural ability to form relationships and make friends which in my opinion is more important than any academia during early years of development. In sweden supposedly half of the day is recess and half is academic and their education is very successful.

    Kindergarted used to be like a daycare where the children could play and be together and learn colors, shapes, the alphabet and days of the week. Sometimes they would sing songs, nowadays the children have five books two of which are math books. They are required to learn how to write a paragraph by the end of the year.
    It is kind of absurd. I don’t know who is in charge of the education system but I know that if you take a walk you can learn more in ten minutes than from three hours of sitting.

    Remember lrh says , taking a walk is one of the better scn processes… and ot 1 was esentially to take a walk or go people watching .. . even he recognized scn as much confounded garbage.

    Also of scientology..

    The community aspect of it was the majority of all the good which came of my experiences there . Having a twin was sometimes joyful. I believe it is sometimes better than studing alone. In college there are no twins , it is mostly all alone. Like most religions the social networking and get togethers are what make it worthwhile.
    I miss those people ...

    The reason I have fondness of those times is because loneliness has been the curse of my existence and I found friends there.
    Having found like minded spirits was all that kept me going.

    So scientology may be dead and all that’s left of it is some crap tv show and some buildings here and there in each city ..

    I was born and raised among scientologists and despite the propaganda that ‘you are a scientologist and you are a part of scientology and you will have friends everywhere because scientology is expanding and you will always be able to relate to everyone and everyone will be able to relate to you because eventually everyone will be a scientologist’ I can’t find anyone aside from you people on this board who have any clue as to what I am talking about or going through.

    I wish there was a get together of some sort in which ex scientologists could get together to discuss things in person , like alcoholics anonymous but I assume due to time constraints and money constraints and the ‘real world’ including vast amounts of space between us the board will do.

    I might also take this opportunity to rant about an idiom I don't like ... and I will change it to 'what doesn't kill you, doesn't kill you' ... what makes you stronger makes you stronger.

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  2. phenomanon

    phenomanon Canyon

    Thank you for the interesting long message.
    I hope you will stay around and share more with the board.
  3. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    What can you tell us about how things were in Scientology as of when you left?
  4. yeah

    yeah Aberrated

    you're welcome phenomanon and thank you for reading.

    hello enthetan , when I left which was around 2005 ish things seemed normal from what I could tell as far as the amount of public and staff and events and expansion hype ... Gat 3 hadn't been released .. if there is a gat 3 or even gat 2 , I don't recall...

    After the renovations at asho and aola during the mid nineties the environment was pretty chill , it was easy to get lost in the buildings because there weren't very many people , especially at L.A day , .... the third and fourth floors were usually empty ,long hallways and corridors , kind of like the shell of a ghost. It was fun to walk around. The basement of Asho was so big ...it was where the theater and ethics department (small) and registrars had their open offices, the place where staff had their musters was outdoors... although I may have only witnessed one.
    Kind of like any church , big and vacant .. most of the time. ...
    I still have dreams of the place .

    GAT one had been released and it was all like 'yay ' ooooo' .

    I believe the amount of public attending services may have eventually diminished, both the theory and practical course rooms on the second floor at asho were usually packed and noisy when I visited and whilst I was on course, but then I quit / finished and went to the KTL classroom which had a bunch of very young TTC members with red shirts in it at first, it was quiet because of the clay table sessions going on , then eventually they all left or finished and it was just a few people.

    I wonder if maybe the packed course rooms were due to all the people in training from Div 6 through class 6 being there, I could be wrong because there were similar course rooms above them on the third floor where people would mess with their emeters wherein resided less looney students, and a darker set up like the only light was that from the windows facing the parking lot .... of course they seemed small in proportion to the size of the rest of the building

    I came back to do a div 6 course about money but by the time I left they were clapping at the end of course sessions , which hadn't happened before.
    When I left I remember the thing was 'eat something solid' or 'spit a bunch and you'll eventually feel better' and during my sessions in mexico there was a great deal of emphasis on getting 'the perfect metabolism' or metabolism reading on the e-meter before going into session.

    So i think public dwindled but I wasn't spending much time in the course rooms anymore. I remember spending a lot of time waiting for my parents to pick me up after or before sessions. The complex was vast from the perspective of a pre teen. . . vacant most of the time as well , which was cool ..I found peace in just wandering about.. once the fear and paranoia of being watched has gone away, and security staff didn't see me as a threat, the few staff here and there in blue longsleeved button shirts and slacks/miniskirts didn't seem to mind some kid wandering around
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  5. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    The timeline was
    1996: First "Golden Age of Tech"

    2007 The Basics get released and everybody is pushed to buy the new materials and get on various "Basics" mini courses. This results in revenue to Scn, and people in the course rooms doing the mini courses, but no additional people actually doing traditional auditor training.

    2012: "Golden Age of Tech II" : the Mark VIII e-meter is released. Its main new feature is that it is internet connected. The internet connection may mainly be so that the meter can be remotely disabled if the owner becomes disaffected.
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