If you were in the cult for a long time, please reply.

Discussion in 'Life After Scientology' started by Pooks, Aug 5, 2011.

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  1. Pooks


    Harmony. This is a key word for me. Thanks.
  2. Pooks


    I love you to Emms, /Pooks gets all teary eyed.
  3. RogerB

    RogerB Crusader

    Pooks, my lovely . . . .

    I was processing a guy once, a Buddhist by persuasion. I was putting in the "Vital Fundamentals One" R/D for him.

    A key question in the R/D is: "What game are you playing?"

    Well, after all the usual human type things like "making money" came off, he got down to expressing some really spiritual things that weren't the real item (I now forget what they were) . . . but, referring to these spiritual things, I asked: "In order to accomplish what?"

    And suddenly he began to brighten up and change color and spiritually glow . . . and then he said it. "HARMONY!"

    And that, it turns out, is his deep down, spiritual most wanted want.

    He's a black guy.

    Anyhow, he was on such a huge win he was un-processable, so I said we'd take a walk and get a bit of the outside world before we'd try anything further.

    What happened then was quite amazing.

    We walked to the corner on the way around our city block in Manhattan, and as we hit the corner a white couple came up to him (they ignored me) and asked him for help and directions.

    He was flabbergasted. That had never happened to him in NYC before. All I could say was: "Well, it really does look like your 'item' is HARMONY."

    He was amazed at how differently he felt in his relationship to these other folks now.

    Then we wandered off to the next corner . . . same bloody thing happened!

    People just simply wanted to relate with him and be in harmony with him! :yes:

    Harmony is a very important item . . . but for many people it may well be their most wanted want.

    For others it is Love, others Knowledge, others Creation, others Relationships or Truth . . . and so it goes.

    We each have our "right item" most wanted want. And when you know what it is, life is a truly sweet, sweet song.

    I'm delighted I was able to help you discover a right item for you :yes: It is also true that I did use some rather key phrases/terms in my little write-up . . . I say that in the context that what I was referring to were very key, basic spiritual qualities, attributes and virtues. :wink2:

  4. RogerB

    RogerB Crusader

    Today, in honor Pooks and Emma I have changed my avatar . . .

    Up your's OSA and fugg 'em with the lighted end first!

  5. RogerB

    RogerB Crusader

    Up Yours OSA--With the Lighted End First!

    I tried to upload and image from my profile . . . but:melodramatic:

    So here it is as an attachment.

    Attached Files:

  6. Lulu Belle

    Lulu Belle Moonbat

    This is the core of it for me.

    I remember reading something on the internet that someone wrote that made a huge impression on me. I tried to find it again but I couldn't.

    It was a site where the person writing was talking about addiction; primarily addiction to alcohol. What he said was: you could just stop drinking and put it all behind you, or you could make it a daily demon to wrestle with. (Basically the same thing Chuck said here.)

    But the gist of it was: which way you go with this is up to you. It will only be the focal point of your life if you decide that it is and you allow it to be. If you decide that it's a blip on the radar, it's a blip on the radar.

    Something to think about.
  7. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation


    Everyone should just go straight to you in future Roger.

  8. degraded being

    degraded being Sponsor

    unnecessary post deleted.
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2011
  9. Reasonable

    Reasonable Silver Meritorious Patron

    I was in for 15 years.

    Although overpriced, I think that I got a lot out of $cn. I didn't spend more than I could afford. I learned to run a business. I got rid of unwanted conditions.

    I did not get Super Powers or imortalitity and when I learned of the atrocities I quit. I didn't get my family in so I did not experience disconnection

    I was never on staff or Sea Org. So I did not make myself vunerable. So I did not get mind fucked or hurt. I think the Sea Org members and the staffers were really in the cult. I was in a click.

    So yes I am over it.
  10. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    I don't really want to mix my areas of life...but here's an example. :)
    I wire wrap crystals.

    Attached Files:

  11. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Free, I wore mine today! (a beautiful uncut amethyst wrapped in gold ... I love it).

  12. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    :biggrin: Better not say any more or there will be a huge derail.
  13. degraded being

    degraded being Sponsor

    Got ya on not wanting to mix areas of your life. Very nice work with the one you posted! Thanks.:)
  14. Jachs

    Jachs Gold Meritorious Patron

    Love your new avatar Roger.. :thumbsup:
  15. Mike Laws

    Mike Laws Patron Meritorious


    This may be one of my favorite threads here because it is both brutally honest and compassionate.

    My perspective on this is continually evolving and significantly changed again on my recent trip to Germany.

    I believe there is no easy answer, and the "recovery" to some degree depends on the nature of our involvement. People who had light involvement as public doing basic courses, lower level auditing often consider their time as mostly positive after leaving; benign; or an interesting life experience.

    Others who were fully immersed as reges, or OSA, or SO or "high intensity positions", often have a different path to normalcy than someone who may have been a receptionist, or auditor, where actions were genuinely intended to help. I believe there is a special place in hell for those of us who undertook bad actions (RTC, OSA, intel, covert ops, etc.) under the brainwashed concept of doing the greater good to save humanity.

    In my recent trip to Germany, I visited a special museum called "Dialogue in the Dark" which was, for me, life changing. It is created by and operated by the blind. For a couple of hours you must live and function as a blind person. A completely dark environment is created, you must navigate a park and wobbly bridge, go to a market and find your food, fruits and vegetables only by touch, get on an actual boat in the water, purchase a drink, cross a road with traffic signals, go to a theater. The only tool you have is a cane. You loose the concept of time, other senses, even in that short time, start becoming more sensitive, you are humbled, you loose the control we so seem to cherish. The human voice can become so beautiful.

    To answer your question, I don't think we recover. We have lost time and opportunity. We can't change what has happened to us, but we can change what that means for us. Like the blind, we must learn to "take stock" in what we have, what abilities and resources we have and how we can best use these to advance the life we still have, in the directions still available to us, in the fashion we desire. And as with the blind, our experiences in some ways may have hyper developed some skills or abilities that we can use to compensate for that we have lost.

    I think it is very important to take stock of ourselves, figure out who exactly we are and what direction we seek in our lives, working towards things we thought were important in our younger years may be highly inappropriate today.

    Feral and I have spent many hours on the phone talking about this. Another factor seems to be "pre-cult identity". When we leave, we tend to fall on that identity, good or bad, as a basis or "auto reset". If we have a positive pre-cult identity it seems to be faster and easier to start doing well in the real world. A bad one opens its own can of worms. For those of us who were born into it, we have no pre-formed pre-cult identity so have to figure out who and what we are.

    Though in some areas people tell me I have done very well, I struggle with harmony, balance, relationships, trust, and others. I consider my life a process of continual improvement, and must learn to take pleasure in real achievement.
  16. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Fabulous thread. Fascinating - and so much love - for fellow humans / exes. :clap:

    My time 'in' was the blink of an eye. And yet I have carried a lot of it with me, which I began noticing when I started reading here. Wow . . .

    And all of the above applies to me, and lots of others, who have never been in. That is life - - everywhere. And we are the lucky ones, those of you who are out - and anyone who has gone through shit and now KNOWS true freedom - and its cost.

    Oh and PS: Fuck scno/co$ (Thanks Pooks :yes:) :biggrin:

  17. anonomog

    anonomog Gold Meritorious Patron

    Mike Laws:
    I love this.
    Applicable to anyone who has regretted a path choice, which is probably everyone, to some degree or another.

    Pooks, I hope your new pathway brings you much shining delight.
  18. scooter

    scooter Gold Meritorious Patron

    Love how this thread has gone - it's got to be my favourite ESMB thread for months.:thumbsup:

    One thing I'll add is that I've been having an amazing time actually discovering relationships, especially in the last few months.

    Without the Hubbard crap to "judge" people by, I find I just enjoy company and especially that of my family. It's also very hard work for someone who's been so well "trained" in "Human Evaluation."

    But it's incredibly rewarding to be establishing REAL relationships with folks.

    ps: Fuck OSA, but also you OSAspawn should bookmark this thread because it'll be very handy for you when you wake up to what the hell you've been stuck in for the last however-long as a die-hard cultist apologist and spai.
  19. Pooks


    Thanks scooter,

  20. hi,

    i was in the cult for 42 years; out for two and a quarter. totally out.

    anyway, when newly out, i felt like a child. really. still do. all my old ideas, judgments, etc. faded out. no more tooth fairy or santa clause. i needed some of my own viewpoints, but not a new cult or group, that's for sure. no way. i was actually missing my own viewpoints. didn't even know what they were at first.

    and i needed to find out what was going on in the world while still in (on OT 7), and this urge really amped up when i was out, so i began reading voraciously about the state of the world. i couldn't bear to look at anything scientological. every time i glance at the huge bookshelf in the bedroom containing only scio materials, i want to toss it all out. all this helped. i enjoy learning about the world outside of the cult.

    but part of the child-like feeling was about the past trust i placed in others' hands, their decisions and views that i accepted wholeheartedly. i also enjoyed the love bombing when hubby and i forked over the dough, coming through once again for stats. or when we gained approval by going up various parts of the bridge or training. gee, it's terrific to feel special, even if it's false.

    but mostly we received so much approval from this group! frankly, we had few friends, mostly acquaintances, and barely any time for more than that. we just worked all the time.

    presently i do best when i'm not thinking much. i have some very happy times now. they're increasing and i'm always so pleased when i recognize them.

    and then there are the dark and pessimistic moments. i could never go back to this unethical group, but some of the people are truly wonderful. but they've become children, too: putting all their trust in others; giving reges all their money on the promise of doing good with your money but no actual proof; being told what's good and bad behavior by 18-year-olds at flag; being told and believing that scientology is expanding like crazy, but noticing local empty orgs, etc. there are a lot of illogics.

    let's face it, you've been massively betrayed. but truly the best approach is creating one's life instead of having it created for you, which is just amazing because it's so unusual for us. and an ex s.o. person would have a lot more difficulty doing this, perhaps. (I was mainly public.)

    don't be hard on yourself. the worst thing you did was put your life in someone else's hands. and we all lived many lies.

    i told my husband that if we hadn't been in this cult, we would have gotten in a lot more trouble probably and made a lot less money because we'd have been much lazier. our lives definitely would have been different. vacations would have abounded, etc. wonderful fun stuff. but our lives are our lives and i just can't get into much regret. getting out is like when someone dies; you gotta move on. it really hurts and you need to mourn and then you need to live your life. whatever you make it.

    congratulations on getting out! enjoy your future. it's all yours.