If you were in the cult for a long time, please reply.

Discussion in 'Life After Scientology' started by Pooks, Aug 5, 2011.

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  1. UnifiedField

    UnifiedField Patron

    I like the feeling that no-one is judging my TRs, or spotting me on the tone scale, or regarding me as downstat and a liability because I don't earn much.
    I like just staring out of the window without feeling guilty for not going on course or giving out leaflets or selling books.
    I'm glad I no longer have a desperate longing for loads of money so's I can get to the top of the bridge.
    I'm relieved I don't have to 'set a good example', but can just relax and be myself.
    I can be forgetful and not worry that this will make people confused about the state of clear.
    The pressure is off and it's lovely.
  2. Well it's alright, now, in fact it's a gas.....

    The Anabaptist Jacques
  3. Gadfly

    Gadfly Crusader

    Jumpin' Jack Flash!!!!!!!!! :thumbsup:
  4. Moosejewels

    Moosejewels Patron Meritorious

  5. degraded being

    degraded being Sponsor

  6. Jachs

    Jachs Gold Meritorious Patron

    wow 42 years!!!! congratualtions to you 42yearsin&pissed , thats the longest ive seen!!!!!
  7. WildKat

    WildKat Gold Meritorious Patron

    I love this thread!! Thanks to everyone who took time to reply.

    I would say the fact we're still here means we're not really over it. My new boyfriend (never in Scn) gets annoyed when he sees me on the computer looking at ESMB. I think he worries I might return someday.

    Do you ever really get past it? I don't know.

    I think the biggest thing Scn offered was "hope" and we paid a lot to cling to that vision of hope.

    Those still in are "going on hoping" that Scn will deliver on its promises. They don't want to give up on the hope. So much invested.

    My life got better when I got a new job, got a new mate, changed locations, and started living life instead of worrying about what was wrong with me that I didn't excel in the world of Scn.

    And I must say, now there is some entertainment value in checking out ESMB and the kool-aid drinkers on Marty's site. A guilty pleasure, maybe even an addiction! Goes well with morning coffee, but sometimes makes me late for work, yikes! Don't think I'll ever give up my morning coffee or my "ex-Scn" addiction.

    Thanks, Emma, for keeping this forum here! You've helped a lot of people.
  8. hummingbird

    hummingbird Patron with Honors


    I was in for 9 (8 on staff in a Mission -> Org), and have been out for 27. And in some ways, that time "in" seems so very close.

    Never once in the 27 years did I even think about returning, or delve into other "mind therapies." I was burnt. Still am.

    I went back to school, got a career going, focused on it and raising my children. That's been my therapy.

    And hardly a day goes by where I don't revel in the fact that I no longer have to look inward to find my "why's."

    However, that said, sometimes a small nostalgic part of me misses the feeling of being part of something great. Even though I now know it was all an illusion.
  9. Dilettante

    Dilettante Patron Meritorious

    Short time in, roughly two years. Long time out and affiliated with plenty who are still in. My recovery was short-I KNEW this stuff wasn't for me. My awakening came much later after observing all those still in. That was a blessing! And then the best part was finally getting to read and chat about it all on ESMB.
  10. Lulu Belle

    Lulu Belle Moonbat

    I think a lot of us can identify with that.
  11. WildKat

    WildKat Gold Meritorious Patron

    I was just thinking how when you are young (I was in my 20's when I joined up) it is easy to hope for becoming superhuman. Wonder why it took 20-30 years to see that no one was ever achieving it?

    There was a lot of pretending going on and a lot of excuses when it didn't happen. All actions calculated to turn your attention back on the failings of individual(s) and never on LRH or "the tech". So if you didn't make it, there was something wrong with you. Or you can blame SPs.

    Those remaining in the official church are still clinging to the hope. And those flocking to Marty's new church are still clinging to the dream of greatness. Of course, now they have a new SP to blame if things aren't going well (DM) - how convenient - lol!

    Scientology must have its SPs - without a scapegoat, I think it would fall apart pretty quickly.
  12. Dean Blair

    Dean Blair Silver Meritorious Patron

    I was in for forty years and left forever in November 2010. I am over it and feel that I am on the other side. When I was in, I promoted it. Now that I am out I am demoting it and I feel better and better each day I see the C of $ FAIL.

    When I come to ESMB and see that another newbie shows up with his or her story it warms my heart. When I see people posting links to critical news articles about the C of $ I am happy to know that more and more people are finding out the real truth about everything that has been going on and others will leave.

    I am appreciative of all who contribute to ESMB and other similar websites and will continue to participate until the C of $ is gone.
  13. AnonKat

    AnonKat Crusader

    cool mask in your display picture/avatar :coolwink:

  14. What a great thread!!! Thanks
  15. Victoria

    Victoria Patron Meritorious

    These past few years, (almost a decade now) have been awesome for me re; the cult.

    I felt like I had this literal eight year gap in my life that I not only couldn't really explain to anyone but also it set me back a decade so that I ended up doing everything late. College, children ect.

    I not only had nothing to show for those years, but those years created a net deficit in my future I felt.

    I used to say I missed my friends from back then, but I've slowly come to realize that none of them actually were real friends, and whatever bonds we had were almost entirely based on lies.

    I guess I'm over it. But I'm kinda bummed about the wasted time, especially in terms of education. Although I went to college once I was out, I never could make up that lost time.

    Who knows? I just as easily could have spent my twenties and early thirties becoming a hopeless drug addict, lol. So, maybe it saved my life, just like Kirsty, Hahahaha.
  16. Operating Wog

    Operating Wog Patron with Honors

    I was in for 17 years. Out almost that long. It was only after about six months after leaving that I realized I was never going back.

    When I was in, all I really wanted to do was have a normal life. Have weekends off, spend quality time with my family. Come home after work at a decent hour, have a nice meal, grab a beer and watch a movie. Honestly, something just like that sounded like heaven. So that's what I did. I've lived my life to the fullest since then. I've actually accomplished so much since I've been out that it still kind of shocks me. Financially doing very well, I've done tons of travel, even accomplished some minor fame in certain circles.

    I haven't been involved in any anti-scientology activities. I don't go to protests. I don't read a whole lot of anti-Scn books. I don't spend any time reading up about Marty and all these other ex-celebs and speculating about this one's or that one's motives. I really don't give a shit about any of it. I just live my life and enjoy it. I came here to connect with a few people here and there and maybe share some memories. I don't want to keep fighting a battle that I won personally. I wasted way too many years of my life IN it. I won't waste anymore time battling it.

    I won't tell anyone how to live their life, but it seems like so many people spend a WHOLE LOT of time on this board, arguing, speculating, watching what's going on with the church, etc. It seems, from an external viewpoint, like some people are still totally involved in Scn, just from a reverse viewpoint. It seems sad to me. But, again, I can't judge. Maybe people are just unable to let it go and this is therapeutic to them.

    About the only bad effect I had from the whole ordeal was recurring dreams. Always very much the same. I was back in the org, back on staff, and didn't now how that happened. Kicking myself for getting back in after I had successfully gotten out. And feeling that leaving the first time was so hard, I could never pull it off again. The first few years, these dreams were OFTEN. Little by little, they diminished. At one point in one of the dreams, I actually DID leave again. And after that, I hardly ever have these dreams anymore. And when I do, they aren't nearly as bad. It's more like I find myself working somewhere and realize all my coworkers are the org staff I used to work with.
  17. Chris Shelton

    Chris Shelton Patron with Honors

    I have found a great deal of relief and recovery purely from education and in writing/talking about Scientology publicly. I have discussed cult recovery methods with trained therapists and cult exit counselors but have not personally sat down "on the couch" for even a single session. I have not been avoiding therapy, I just haven't needed it because the other actions I've taken have provided a great deal of catharsis. After about the first year out of Scientology, once it started dawning on me just how insidious and destructive that stuff is, I realized that recovery is something I'll be doing for the rest of my life. I am sure that there are some Scientology survivors who could really benefit a lot from counselling or therapy and I wish that ex's didn't carry that "psych" stigma with them when they leave Scientology.

    There is no "universal answer" or "done" on this but I think there are general principles which anyone can be helped by. It's an evolving process that you just go through. I think a lot of it has to do with how long a person was involved too, of course, since someone who was only involved for a few months or even a couple of years is probably not going to be as fucked up by the experience as those of us who grew up with it and spent decades working on staff and/or in the Sea Org. So there are degrees to this.

    I think that there are some people who can get obsessive about the subject and get to following all the blogs and boards every day and I know I've done that too. In can get unhealthy but I think it totally depends on the individual to say when. I don't agree with these people who say "Oh, you still talk about it after x years, how sad for you." or "You're still reading Tony Ortega every day. What's the matter with you? Get a life." as though they are in a position to judge what's healthy for me or anyone else personally with broad statements about everyone. For some people, they need to time and space away from Scientology and for some others, they need to just hit the eject button and never look back. That's not me, but I respect anyone's methods of coping and dealing with what they went through.

    One way I gauge my own mental and emotional health on that stuff is by how much time I'm also spending on other pursuits and interests, such as my podcast and my new merchandise effort. Both of these things have hardly anything to do with Scientology for the most part, but if an interesting Scientology-related topic comes up for my podcast, I won't hesitate to talk about it there either because I'm not running away from it.

    Oh, knocking off using the language was also a big deal for me and I think for others. Just getting it out of your head and forcing yourself to not use Scientologese somehow retrains your brain and gets the Scientology thought processes out of your head. I think people who continue talking about ARC breaks and missed withholds and ser facs and all that, hold on to Scientology thinking and that makes recovery harder. Just flush that crap out of your daily vocabulary.

    In an effort to share what I've learned, I've made videos and wrote in the last three chapters of my book, Scientology: A to Xenu, what exactly I found the most helpful and cathartic. I can't stress education enough. Learning about other cults and cult leaders actually was one of the key actions because it gave me a lot of perspective on L. Ron Hubbard and how un-special he was. He was just one of many destructive cult leaders who run what I have referred to as the Cult Leader Playbook. They all use similar techniques of indoctrination and undue influence and once I saw just how common these techniques are in all levels of society, I felt a lot of relief. Just for grins and because it's the subject of this thread, here's one of my videos on this. I'm not trying to pimp my work, just sharing some thoughts on this topic.

  18. Innominate Dude

    Innominate Dude No Longer Around

    Hmmm, raised in it as to "long term", but became alienated from it at an early age and went on with my life free of desire to be a member in good standing, thereby qualifying "long term". Actually, I disentangled from credence in the LRH worldview simply by being subjected to his policies harshly enough and often enough that I saw the big picture. Someone who yaks about intelligence over force, about being a modern day improvement upon Buddhism, and then institutes policies that mimic every failed authoritarian society or regime of the past for thousands of years, is plainly blowing wind about the great merits of his thinking.

    But my real reason for replying is to relate an insight of Victor Frankl, founder of Logotherapy. He reviewed his experiences as a WWII concentration camp survivor and came to the conclusion that perhaps the point of therapy should not be to somehow overcome suffering by immunity to its effects so much as to find the meaning in it. Suffering is the most common human experience there is, and perhaps life is structured as it is as an excercise in finding the meaning in it, not just learning how to become immune to its effects.

    I suspect that Mr. Frankl's viewpoint is influenced by his Abrahamic religious background, though. If God devises life experiences which involve lots of suffering, perhaps respect for God accepts this and tries to make use of it. This is different from a religious framework in which there is no God designing our existence, and becoming Buddha-like in detachment from suffering or Scientology-like in having become immune to its effects seems to be the matter of greatest possible importance in life.

    I would be fucked up whether or not I was raised in Scientology. This is the basic human condition: to be fucked up. That is the first great realization, imho. From that point on, the purpose of life, rather than just obsessing about what mine has been, becomes more engaging to me.

  19. beeeaaach

    beeeaaach image of time

    both my parents were scntlgzsts since before i was born and I went to scn private school for kindergarten, 1st and part of 2nd grade and then went to normal public school and my mum prevented me from going to jr high cause i might get involved in gangs or drugs and instead she got me registered for scn courses a few years later , which I didn't have a any interest in ... so I did a number of courses like the ktl and trs and obj and div 6 courses , but i was very slow , mostly because the material was hard to understand because it was based on someones opinions rather than science , so i was onlines for about 3 or four years but by the time I was 17 or 18 i had gone crazy probably considered pts type 3 or claiming i had attained ot levels status and other crazy shit like i had come up with other ways to acheive spiritual clensing like by grounding myself with copper plumbing/pipes which went straight into the ground or water from a faucet or kitchen or bathroom sink and thereby 'clensing' my 'mind' using the water source as a means to ground and purify my electrical signature or aura or electromagnetic field and , it did have an effect on my brain but i believe it was a result of going insane or mad , due to being told to believe in fking nonsense.

    anyway since then unfortunately i came under the wrath of my authoritarian father who is kind of a p.o.s, an old timer trained auditor and he came to suppress me during my 20's , and he thinks he is a legendary badass mofo who is some kind of god and blah blah blha idgaf anyway...

    In order to try to keep sane, I walk around my quiet neighborhoods in my smallish town and it may be lonely but it helps ...

    a lack of white noise like cars going by is an important bit because it has been proven in actual clinical studies that white noise and probably just noise or background noise in general can impair piece of mind and also amount and quality of what is learned but yall already knew that...

    a very interesting book for those who can agree with me that screens put people into trances as if this information were new
  20. oneonewasaracecar

    oneonewasaracecar Gold Meritorious Patron

    I'm glad you have something for your peace of mind. I like quiet walks myself.