Introduction

[Xcore]

I have been out of the SO since 2004.

There are times when I wish I could go back and change things, stop myself from joining but then I think of all of the people I've met.

Say what you will about the SO or Scientology in general but there are a lot of good people there that are dedicated to trying to help (there are also a lot of cookes and nuts but what are you gonna do). I could never say it was a total loss because some of my best friends from all over the country and the world have come out of it.

So I put up with some bad dreams every now and again. Fair trade.

Just so everyone knows I was one of the "If you don't let me go I'm going to kill myself" people and I was out within 24 hours, the FSO is funny that way! I couldn't face the route out lines and was afraid to blow for fear of being tracked and brought back or declared and interfering with some members of my family that work in a Scientology environment. I didn't actually want to kill myself but they can't risk someone offing themselves and bringing more scandal to the Scientology world especially in CW.

So I was one more of the here today and gone tomorrow. Couldn't say goodbye to anyone and I think only a small handful of people on the base were told what had happened to me.

I have heard since that the suicide method of getting out quick can now result in an instant declare but I'm not certain if that has been enforced.

My "getting out story" was pretty simple as I was never on public lines. I do know people that have gotten out since that were heavily on public lines and had to do some amazing things to get out, leaving spouses, everything they own etc.

I was never a hugely influential person within the SO. I was a working grunt, lower level management kind of guy.

I think as time goes on I will open up more. I'm not frightened of the church coming after me but I also don't want to take money out of my family's pocket by spilling the beans and you never know who's reading!

 

[ttamaad]

I think as time goes on I will open up more. I'm not frightened of the church coming after me but I also don't want to take money out of my family's pocket by spilling the beans and you never know who's reading!

Hey Xcore,

We are just glad you are here and not there anymore.

I don't think any of us here considers anyone. who has made the decision to leave, anything but a truly amazing person. I am sure we will hear more from you as time goes on.

In the meantime, kick back, relax and let the good times roll

 

[Ladybird]

Hi Xcore! I was in the SO for over 20 years, and I do have nightmares, sometimes I wake up thinking they are in my house trying to drag me out of bed. It usually turns out that I just had to pee and that is what woke me up.

I have ridiculous amounts of security and am still pretty paranoid, but OMG isn't it great to be away from all that insanity??!!!!

Like you, I met some of the most wonderful and unselfish people who are lifetime friends, maybe I would have met the same kind of people if I had joined the Peace Corp (which is what I wanted to do before I got suckered in to scientology) but there is something to be said for people who actually believe they can help and want to try.

My biggest problem now is that I feel like a gullible fool and I cannot understand how I got so thoroughly snookered. Sometimes it is hard to trust my own judgment.

I am so incredibly happy to see more and more of my friends and other exes escape the clutches of the cult.

 

[Thrak]

My biggest problem now is that I feel like a gullible fool and I cannot understand how I got so thoroughly snookered. Sometimes it is hard to trust my own judgment.

For me that is something that I think about and the few people that I tell about scn, that is a thing that is hard to explain because you can feel pretty stupid about it. But I think the biggest thing that makes it work is the - apparent - credibility of people that are in. Chick Corea is probably the most successful jazz musician of all time and a genius. And also I met several people who were on the OT levels that were some of the coolest people I've ever met and treated me like family. They couldn't be just wrong could they? I guess they are. But it's too hard to beat myself up about it because even though I knew I was taking a risk, I had a lot of reason to believe that it couldn't be just a scam. And at least I learned I was willing to make sacrifices to help others which isn't the worst thing to find out about yourself. If there is a hell I hope there are reserved spots for lrh and dm because to take advantage of the best qualities of people like that is to me one of the worst things you can do. And yes I still have dreams about it but they are more and more rare.

 

[HappyGirl]

For me that is something that I think about and the few people that I tell about scn, that is a thing that is hard to explain because you can feel pretty stupid about it. But I think the biggest thing that makes it work is the - apparent - credibility of people that are in. Chick Corea is probably the most successful jazz musician of all time and a genius. And also I met several people who were on the OT levels that were some of the coolest people I've ever met and treated me like family. They couldn't be just wrong could they? I guess they are. But it's too hard to beat myself up about it because even though I knew I was taking a risk, I had a lot of reason to believe that it couldn't be just a scam. And at least I learned I was willing to make sacrifices to help others which isn't the worst thing to find out about yourself. If there is a hell I hope there are reserved spots for lrh and dm because to take advantage of the best qualities of people like that is to me one of the worst things you can do. And yes I still have dreams about it but they are more and more rare.

This is something we seem to share in common all over this board. I think the "OT"ness they were exhibiting were their own innate best qualities they were born with and had to begin with. And yes, it was nice that Scn pointed out to us that we had them, and even validated them for a while!

Haha! My husband coincidently just walked in and quoted SOS, p. 320:
"In the 1.1 band, by the way, we find the individual most blatantly insistent upon ethics and morals for others."

 

[Lermanet_com]

Here is a solution for bad dreams..

I have found that this works well on teen agers and children, it may work for you, it is a synthesis based on Robert Moss's book, Dreamways of the Iroquois, (highly recommended) and another book by a psychologist whose name I dont recall.


First thing to do is establish a new habit. Every 30 minutes for a couple of days, stop and ask yourself, Am I dreaming? Pinch yourself or try to fly...for example. Do whatever you, yourself, would naturally do, to determine whether you are awake or dreaming.

Practice creating this habit for a couple of days, - by doing this precisely every 30 minutes, or every hour..

What will occurr is in your dreams, you will stop, and check to see if you are dreaming! And when you do, you will achive what is called "lucid dreaming" by waking up in your dream and becoming aware you are in a dream.



When confronting monsters in dreams, try to remember to ask them, Do you have message for me???

Once you do this, turn and confront the gremlins.. whatever it is that you find disconcerting, and you will find that the monsters, or sea ogers, start to melt... and turn into (for example) furry little bunny rabbits and then hop away.

I do not know WHY this works, but I can assure you that it does. One of the best conversations I had with my son was after he did what i suggested above, and woke up in a dream, and then tried to fly.. and when he found he was dreaming and found he could fly he grabbed his freind he was playing with in dreamland, and started flying all around, seeing all that could be seen like a hawk flying at dusk..

And he stopped having nightmares.

At the instant one awakes in a dream, one finds that dreams will do whatever YOU decide they will do.. and you can explore and rummage around...look under things, and if you get good at this, perhaps you will even be able to enter another person's dream..

first related LINK next LINK

And if this works for you please pass on this information, there is no reason to have nightmares anymore...

 

[Lermanet_com]

In american indian ( and other ) tribes, the best dreamers were selected..and cared for, because in times when there was no game, when the hunters would return with all their arrows...the dreamers would dream and tell the hunters which valley to go into to find food to feed the tribe.

tribes without dreamers do not survive times of scarcity.

( cite: Robert Moss Dreamways of the Iroquois )

 

[Xcore]

Thanks for the advice. I'm going to give it a try.

 

[Power Change]

Say what you will about the SO or Scientology in general but there are a lot of good people there that are dedicated to trying to help (there are also a lot of cookes and nuts but what are you gonna do).

No doubt. From the time I have been lurking and posting here, I havent met too many that dont acknowledge the fact that SO are generally great people just trying to help. I agree.

Unfortunately once they are so indoctrinated, it doesnt matter how good a friend you thought you had-if you dont stay 'in', they are friends no more....unless they blow too. This was a huge hard lesson for me to learn-that people could hurt you so deeply for a false cause. Then I didnt think so highly of them anymore....but now I just understand that they are in a cult under control.

 

[Carmel]

Welcome Xcore! It's always good to hear of people escaping the enslavement of the SO. I'm glad you made it, and that you found your way here..... where there is truth, friends and support in abundance!

Cheers,
Carmel

 

[Xcore]

No doubt. From the time I have been lurking and posting here, I havent met too many that dont acknowledge the fact that SO are generally great people just trying to help. I agree.

Unfortunately once they are so indoctrinated, it doesnt matter how good a friend you thought you had-if you dont stay 'in', they are friends no more....unless they blow too. This was a huge hard lesson for me to learn-that people could hurt you so deeply for a false cause. Then I didnt think so highly of them anymore....but now I just understand that they are in a cult under control.

I can remember the disdain I felt for people that were on route out lines. I used to be so disgusted that they wanted to leave. There were people that I trained with, good people, that one day woke up and decided they didn't want to be there anymore. I couldn't understand it until years later when I was that guy.

You're indoctrinated into hating those people the same way you were taught to look down on ethics particles. Any one who dissents is an enemy.

 

[Lermanet_com]

the keyword is indoctrinated

also consider the word 'conditioned'

It has been awahile since a death threat call.. the only thing Ive been doing is posting on ESMB, explaining to the recently departed from scientology some of what Ive learned since I departed ....

The sequence is get a hangup call ( to see if you are there ) then a call comes in with recording supposedly selling life insurance with no caller ID number and no insurance company named in the recording.. just good reasons to buy life insuruance.

This just happenned 30 min ago.

Perhaps readers might want to peruse my recent screeds here on ESMB, and find out just what it is you are not supposed to know about..here are the links to a post in each recent thread..

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?p=157493#post157493
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?p=157445#post157445
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?t=7959
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?p=156510#post156510
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?p=156364#post156364

wait, you can find my posts by clicking my profile..
Gildna Rader mode ON - nevermind..

 

[Wirestripper]

How's everyone doing. I'm new to the board here and just wanted to say hello to everyone.

I was in the SO (various bases and places) for 5 years or so.

By way of introduction I was wondering if any of you who are Ex SO have dreams about it? I personally have terrible dreams of being on post and being hunted by the "Church". Everyone that I have spoken with that was also in the SO has told me that they also have persistent dreams.

Good to be free.

You are not alone on the dreams thing. For the first 4 years after I got out, I would wake up in a cold sweat at least once a week, if not more.

They do eventually fade, but all you can do is put up with em till they go away.

and WELCOME!

 

[Telepathetic]

Welcome Xcore,

I was never in the SO but I did put in a lot of years as a staff member. Even while I was on staff I use to have bad dreams and would wake up in a cold sweat sometimes.Funny thing is,these bad dreams were about me being on staff!

I've been out now for a few years and I feel great, much better than in last twenty some years when I was still inside! I understand what you are going through,I know most of us here do also.
Being in was for me the best and the worst of times. It was a unique experience and no,I would not change anything about my past. There is too much to look forward to now to think about those things.

You're free,relax and enjoy the show!
Hope to hear more of your story, whenever you are ready.

 

[gomorrhan]

How's everyone doing. I'm new to the board here and just wanted to say hello to everyone.

I was in the SO (various bases and places) for 5 years or so.

By way of introduction I was wondering if any of you who are Ex SO have dreams about it? I personally have terrible dreams of being on post and being hunted by the "Church". Everyone that I have spoken with that was also in the SO has told me that they also have persistent dreams.

Good to be free.

What are you doing sleeping? Get back on post!

 

[sabrina]

I have bad dreams once in a while, but had terrible dreams during and after I left the SO at Flag. It has gotten much better since my reality has changed over the last 7 years. I've heard that dreams are a reflection of reality, or us trying to make sense of it, so that may be what you are experiencing.

Just a couple weeks ago I had a strange dream that I was in a constant battle with some of the Execs at Flag, Debbie Cook, Janet Herring ect. I was in the Scientology facility and trying to get out undetected. I also had some very outspoken fights with the execs I mentioned earlier, it was good in a sense that I no longer had inhibitions, at least in my dreams, to call these people out and not let them control me.