Just wondering...

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by vumba, Aug 29, 2018.

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  1. vumba

    vumba Patron with Honors

    As I walk by dog each day in stunning countryside taking in the sounds of the sea or the wind in trees, it’s a lovely time of peaceful reflection for me, and this week, for some unknown reason I was taken back to Saint Hill, The Apollo, and Stonelands. It got me wondering about happy times I had during my 22 year stint in Scn., and I realised the happy times involved camaraderie and friendships, and nature. Saint Hill had lovely grounds to walk around, and Stonelands was set in the middle of beautiful Sussex countryside. Whilst on the Apollo I sought solace standing st the prow of the ship (or the bow), watching the dolphins leaping or looking up at stunning skies. There was an eclipse whilst I was on the ship, and we were at sea. It was truly magical, and like something out of Lord Of The Rings.

    Anyone else have happy memories?

    P.S. Dawn Crundall’s Pavlova was awesome too.
     
  2. screamer2

    screamer2 Occam's Ball Crusher

    Sorry.

    Happy memories were crushed by the trauma of being in.

    After I got out, things got better.
     
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  3. TomKat

    TomKat Patron with Honors

    I have some great memories, like blowing the Sea Org and leaving the state; that was fun! I had some good friendships too, but most were conditional truth be told. I had some great session wins, but in the end, the only processes that had long-term effect were objectives (hours and hours) and exorcisms (hours and hours, but mostly out of the church).
     
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  4. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    A lot of us went into the SO thinking we were starting an adventure, where we would be part of a loyal team, accomplishing great things to improve the world.

    In our hearts we hungered for this. And when the SO offered to let us join, it was like a hungry man being handed a beautiful, perfect apple to quench his hunger with.

    Then we actually bit into it, and saw it was rotten and full of a mass of worms.
     
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  5. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    It's a pity tr8theta recently left the board. He would have loved to talk about the good old days with his pal Ron on the Apollo.

    Personally speaking I was a member of public for over 15 years so I didn't experience the cameraderie. I was a target for anyone who thought they could get me to hand over money. But when I left I caused them some problems and got a lot of money back. Fuck them.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
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  6. Wilbur

    Wilbur Patron with Honors

    When I first joined staff, I was in Div 6. Although it was painful, I gained a lot from having to deal with public, and gained a lot of confidence. But working for £3.50 a week, and the despondency from realising that you were flogging a dead horse, made the overall experience working in Div 6 quite unpleasant. Yes, it was the camaraderie that made it semi-bearable.

    When in the TTC, it was a more lonely and self-reliant experience, but I enjoyed doing the Levels, and felt I was increasing my knowledge. I found the Study Tech very useful (the bits that didn't involve fiddling with paper clips and keeping track of student points, that is - I quickly abandoned writing down points every time I looked up a word, and just used to estimate my points for the day). Overall, I enjoyed the TTC experience. But then I got back to my Org, and realised that it was the same old same old. Even as a newly tech-trained person, and doing a tech post being more interesting than Div 6, I wasn't prepared to continue living like that, in penury, and with an org that was basically empty. The TTC experience was interesting - studying at St. Hill, the beautiful countryside, experiencing LA at ITO, etc. But life back at a Class V Org in the UK was dismal. I toyed with the idea of joining the SO and maybe working at St. Hill. I was even offered a place to go and train up to Class IX for AOSH UK. I almost went for it, but then came to my senses and didn't bother. Overall, I'm glad I didn't. For a while afterwards, though, I thought that maybe I SHOULD have gone all the way to Class IX, because I figured that doing so would have meant that I wouldn't have been wondering about it after I left.

    The thing that leaves lasting good memories for me is the sheer INTENSITY of my experience of Scientology. Studying 7 days a week, all day every day, and fitting in work on Scientology audits (of the financial kind) in the evenings to pay my food bill. I did that for about a year and a half, and I learned a lot from it in terms of life experiences. I got out just in time. If I'd spent much longer in there, then I think I would have come away with regrets at lost time. I also came away with debts, because I paid off my freeloader bill in full soon after I left. I always had tidy finances before I got into Scientology. My finances were wrecked for several years after leaving Scientology.

    After getting out, it took me about 5 or 6 years to basically recover from Scientology. By that, I mean abandoning the idea that I had to get back in and go up the Bridge, and the idea that my life was just about getting enough money together to do my Bridge. My Scientology experience also cost me about 5 years of proper earning, so financially it was an expensive life lesson. In my case, I think I spent just about the optimum amount of time in the Church. I stayed in long enough for it to be a useful learning experience. And although my stay in Scientology had costs, I got out soon enough for it not to be irreparably costly to my life.

    One thing I would do differently with hindsight is this: When I left, I spent a lot of time just sort of going around in a daze, wondering how I was going to go up the Bridge, etc. What I should have done is left, and then immediately jettisoned the Scientology programming about how I should live my life, etc. If I'd done that, then I would probably be looking back on my time in Scientology with fonder eyes.
     
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  7. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    I was too exhausted and constantly aware that I could be under attack at any moment for something as trivial as blinking the wrong way (literally!!!) to make any "happy clappy memories".

    I became hyper-vigilant in the SO and I suppose I still am to a degree.

    My happiest memory is of when I finally walked out the door, up the drive and away from the daily, utterly pointless grind and the constant gnawing feeling that I was wasting my life.


    That day was truly special.

    :fly2:
     
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  8. Cat's Squirrel

    Cat's Squirrel Gold Meritorious Patron

    I wasn't "in" for very long and I was public all that time but I still have some happy memories. Probably the best was when Diane Ralph and I got hold of the radiocassette player from the course room and used it to play Michael Jackson's "Thriller" album in the org concourse instead (which didn't go down well when we were found out).

    Other memories included stealing a kiss from Sheila Penney (who was old enough to be my Mum, so don't get any ideas about that) and bullbait in TRs which I enjoyed once I got the hang of it. I had some gains too.

    No question though, I'm definitely glad I left. If I hadn't done, I'd probably still be there, a lot poorer and still trying to make Clear or something (Sheila had only made Release after 20 years in the CofS). And I would almost certainly never have discovered the true facts about LRH and the organisation that I'm discovering here.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
  9. strativarius

    strativarius Comfortably Numb

    If I said that the whole of the time I spent in scientology was awful and that I hated every minute of it, then the question has to be asked, why stick around for all those years?

    I met some amazing people both male and female and I fell deeply in love with several of the female variety. I'm still in love with them to this day although they're either long gone or have passed away. I hope they have as fond memories of me as I do of them

    I enjoyed auditing pc's in the HGC because at the time I genuinely felt that I was helping them, and (much as it pains me to say this) there's no doubt you can get a temporary exhilarating rush from an auditing session as a pc, particularly early on. As you progress on up the grade chart the 'wins' get progressively fewer IMO.

    I love the countryside and west Sussex is a beautiful part of England, so that made it a pleasure to be around Saint Hill Manor and Stonelands. Standing about at the door of London Org on Tottenham Court Road in July watching all those sexy babes go by in their summer frocks was a pleasure as well. :biggrin:
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
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  10. DagwoodGum

    DagwoodGum Conspiracy Analyst III

    Now who would tinfoil a perfectly described experience of what it felt like joining the Sea Org?
    That is how I populate my IGNORE list, and I put them on ignore immediately because we are so done when I see someone deface anothers great post so disgracefully!
     
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  11. strativarius

    strativarius Comfortably Numb

    Interesting to note that although you talk of lovely times etc., there's no mention of scientology itself in your recollections, only of people you met, places you went to and sights you saw.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
  12. screamer2

    screamer2 Occam's Ball Crusher

    I think that is as it should be. If one subtracts $cientology from anything potentially good, it only gets better.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
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  13. strativarius

    strativarius Comfortably Numb

    Well, I've heard some euphemisms, but this one takes the cake. Literally! :biggrin:
     
  14. F.Bullbait

    F.Bullbait Oh, a wise guy,eh?

    Loading up on caffeine during course break.

    [​IMG]
     
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  15. disilluzioned

    disilluzioned Knock-em Down

    I'm probably 'gonna get it" for posting this , but as I spend more time here reading various threads and what people post in them, it seems to me sad that after all we have been through whether it was good for YOU and others or bad for YOU and others or perhaps a mix of both somewhat good and somewhat bad..."can't we all just get along" as the saying goes? Name calling, degrading other people's posts just because perhaps they actually had some good experiences or on the other hand had horrible experiences just seems to me to be very impolite and not becoming of one's best behavior. Of course this is just my opinion. I am not telling anyone what to do here. It's just a polite suggestion. Don't get me wrong by all means express yourself honestly and openly whether pro or con regarding whatever the thread may be about...but surely it can be done in a nicer respectful way.
    Personally I had enough verbal abuse and mis-treatment that I'd like to think (however wrong such thinking may be) that coming here to ESMB would be somewhat of a refuge. It seems that some folks here just "have to be right" while making other's wrong. Why? Whatever your reality is...it's what it is for YOU. Does anyone agree with me?
     
  16. strativarius

    strativarius Comfortably Numb

    This is a bulletin board. People who post here have differing opinions on various subjects and put forward their point of view. That is not 'making others wrong' or ' having to be right'.

    Most of the time the discussions here are conducted with civility and respect, but occasionally an asshole shows up who doesn't know how to behave in polite company and has to resort to base language and insults. If somebody does that here they can expect to be in for a rough ride.
     
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  17. Bill

    Bill Gold Meritorious Patron

    We weren't in it for fun. We thought we were sacrificing lifetimes to "save this sector of the universe". It wasn't supposed to be fun, it was supposed to be hard. We bought into this total bullshit ... until we didn't.

    While there may have been happy times during the time I was in, I don't remember anything but the black cloud that was "duty" and "commitment" and "make it go right".
     
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  18. Bill

    Bill Gold Meritorious Patron

    Yes and no. Yes, it would be nice if people were always polite. However, except for carefully curated Scientology-bubble sites (and the like), that's not going to happen. And no, this isn't a "safe space" like you wish for. There are arguments.

    This is much, much better than much of the Internet, but people are people. Some are not polite and a lot of us got quite tired of carefully monitoring our thoughts and words while in Scientology. If you find one or more people too abrasive, there is always the "ignore" function.
     
  19. strativarius

    strativarius Comfortably Numb

    Yes indeed, the endless drive to 'get the stats up', the fear of being assigned a low ethics condition and the long working hours for poor or non-existent pay meant that there wasn't very much to be happy about most of the time.
     
  20. disilluzioned

    disilluzioned Knock-em Down

    I hear ya