My girlfriend left me for scientology

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by Onkel, Dec 3, 2017.

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  1. Onkel

    Onkel Patron

    Hi
    I'm not at ex scientologist, but I simply don't know who to turn to in my current situation. My now exgirlfriend is in Johannesburg right now trying to go clear. She was in la this summer and finished her srd. Coming back home to Denmark, she was anxious to continue up the bridge, as she thought it would help her with issues she's had, and hoped it would strengthen our relationship in the end. She has had a rough childhood and problems with committing to people, jobs and so on.
    She took out her pensionmoney, and has lent money from her ex husband, who is also a scientologist, and then she left for south Africa.
    I have never believed in scientology. I think talking about things that have been hard in life can help you move on. But from what I have seen scientology does not offer freedom of any kind. It seems to sell you a dream you can continue paying for while real life slips by.. I have been careful not to criticize too much. She simply can't deal with it at becomes very defensive. But I have been concerned about what this would do to her. She came out as a lesbian when she was young. Then got in to scientologi and married a man and worked in scientology for a while. After seven year in a platonic relationship with her husband realized she was living a lie, got a divorce and came out again. In this period she didn't do much scientology. But then married a violent woman, divorced her and after a few years she met me. Now she was starting to realise she had not been happy, and there where things she wanted to get rid of in order to be happy with me.
    I didn't realize she was doing scientology curses till a few months in. I had thought that whatever it was, it was an odd form of therapy - I had never heard of anyone working so many hours a week in self help classes.
    When I found out I was nervous it would be the end for us. I didn't know much about scientology other than it was something you should stay clear off, pun intended.
    But she explained that to her it was more of a philosophy than a religion. And that nothing was forced upon you. That you only had to take in what you felt like. And that it was fair to pay for therapy - like you would anywhere else.
    Now I was head over heels in love. We both were. Honestly never felt anything like I was feeling, so I accepted that she spent a lot of time on getting her self to a better place.
    Now that she told me she was leaving again, she made me promise to wait for her. And reassured me that this would just be a few months of our time in a long life together. I hoped that by going clear she might start to turn to me again, and wouldn't have to leave so much. So I agreed that this was a good decision. Even though all alarm clocks were going off inside me.

    On grade two, having been away from me for a month, one of her wins, end phenomenon or whatever it was, was the ability to have a loving relationship with a man. She wrote me she was now a heterosexual, and didn't think of me like she used to do. She didn't show any sign of concern about how that news would affect me. But she did say that she is was in the middle of this process and didn't want to make any conclusions or decide any thing yet. I was in chok, but kept my cool because it felt so crazy to me I honestly didn't know what to do.
    A week past and she now says she dreams of doing more scientology, because she wants to help people. She also dreams of being in a relationship with another scientologist so that they can share everything. In a relationship with someone who is not into scientology there is no real affinity. And so we split.
    I think maybe I look a bit stupid. But at the times she was not studying or away, we were really happy. I know she loves me. But it's like she has completely dissappeared. She seems robot like, and not at all herself. She says now she sees things clearer.. I think she has become completely blind. I told her in the kindest way possible, that if she felt like she is somehow in over her head - i would come get her. And also - not so kind perhaps, that I think she is fucking everything up. She said that's to be expected when clearing out ones past. But that she in the last 17 years has taken step by step on this road to a better place, and that she trusts herself in this. I have tried to ask her why, if everything is great, they are not allowed to listen to the critique. And if all the money really goes to good things, why don't they just show the figures to the public?..
    But I have to realise I can't do anything. And so I told her, that if she ever wants out, I'm here. But from now on I have to let go. It's killing me to see her like this.

    Guess I just wanted to ease my heart. Thanks for listening.
     
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  2. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    There isn't much you can do. :hug: Grieve your loss. :console: And in time, when another comes your way, find out up-front how she feels about co$/$cn. 'Clear' the air (on $cn, religion, politics, marriage/family/kids, all the important stuff), before moving forward with anything new. Find the 'deal breakers' ahead of time, find out what you both can live with (at least think you can), and the things you can't. We learn from life, especially the painful parts. :hug: You seem a good Soul. Hug yourself, Love yourself (just the way you are), and be thankful you didn't end up going into $cn/co$ to be with her. You'd end up like her, and after cleaning out your bank account/s, you still would be broken apart. It is hard and very sad to see people we love make horrible mistakes in life, but we do, at some point, have to let them go, let them experience the consequenses of their actions. :console: You can move on and find another. May you find love and happiness.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2017
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  3. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Hi Onkel ... I doubt this is what you want to hear right now but you will be so much better off in the long run if you just walk run away from this relationship right now ... both you and the relationship would have always come a distant second to the cult and to retain her interest you would have needed to need to spend your life tippy toeing around the subject of scientology, being very "careful" of what you say and how you say it ... it's exhausting and demoralising and the cult would have come after you eventually, don't be available ... try to be happy that it's over and let it go.

    Nobody needs the drama and hassle that is always around when scientology is involved, it poisons everything it touches ... I hope you decide to find someone who will simply cherish you for the person you are.

    :fromme:
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2017
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  4. Enthetan

    Enthetan Mutant

    Old but applicable saying: never get into a relationship with a woman who is crazier than you are.

    It doesn't matter how cute she is, or how she makes you feel when you are with her -- from what you have said about her, this lady has serious issues which would have made you miserable, over the long term. Even if she WASN'T in Scientology, a relationship with her would be very rocky. You are making the right decision in walking away.

    Just be prepared: after they have taken all her money, if she is not a high-earner, they will probably let her go. She might come to you then. Be careful she's not just back for you as a source of financial support.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2017
  5. screamer2

    screamer2 Patron

    If this woman would leave you for the cult of scientology she would probably have left for any shiny new trinket in the hand of another. Probably best to take a win and think of all the pain saved by learning this fact early on in the relationship.
     
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  6. Onkel

    Onkel Patron

    Thank you.. She actually took me to a small event. The celebration of auditors or something like that. A lot of praising, cheering , clapping and agreeing things are fantastic. Strangest thing ever! And after the official part the man who took her in back in the day, came up all friendly and said he would like to just talk to me, to get to know me a little now that I had been with m for some time, and she is dear to him. He took me to a room alone - I was in panic inside but played it cool. Turned out he didn't really want to get to know me, but wanted to tell me about scientology. He asked med questions like what are my biggest problems in life and so on. Luckily I had seen a documentary on how they lure people in from the street in Copenhagen to give them a free personality test - so I was slick like an eel and gave him nothing at all. I ended up having him talk about himself instead - and leaving the sales role he changed completely in the way he held himself, voice and all. Creepy stuff!

    I just wish I could present her with some evidence that it's all lies. Scientology is not making the world a better place. The money does not pay for improving the world. It pays for pricy buildings and luxury for the highest ranking people in the org - right? I mean it sure doesn't seem like they pay the people that work there a lot. Or help them up the bridge.. You pay for all that yourself, regardless if they employ you or not, right?!

    People don't have time for each other, because they are either working to make money, or in sessions alone. Maybe studying in an org making sure they understand everything and know how to feel and react to everything.

    M says she feels more free than ever before. But all she thinks about is scientology. It's like she's an addict.

    So yes.. I guess I just really have to move on.
     
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  7. Miss Ellie

    Miss Ellie Patron with Honors

    I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. There is nothing you could have or can do to change her or her addiction to the sciobots. It is not a needle in the arm but a needle in the soul.

    Remember the good, learn from the pain and when you can move on. You deserve someone who will love you and accept your love in return.
     
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  8. Onkel

    Onkel Patron

    Thank you. That's actually exactly what it was like. And that part wasn't pleasant for either of us. Her knowing I didn't really understand, and me trying to, while thinking she was out of her mind for buying in to everything the good LRH said.
     
  9. Enthetan

    Enthetan Mutant

    She is. Auditing can produce a euphoric feeling, and people want that euphoria. Some Scientologists can behave exactly like addicts, betraying loved ones in order to get the money for their next "fix".
     
  10. Onkel

    Onkel Patron

    It's so sad it makes me cry!
     
  11. Soul of Ginnungagab

    Soul of Ginnungagab Patron with Honors

    If your exgirlfriend is pursuing truth of life and is convinced that joining the scientology organizations is the only way to find truth and further believes that it is vital for all life to go that path then it would be impossible for her to drop it no matter how much she loves you. Because she would believe that she betrayed truth of life and thus it would be a nightmare; it would be extreemly difficult or even impossible for you to give her comfort if she is in such a state of mind. She would believe she betrayed truth of life not just for herself but for others including you.

    If she one day realizes that staying with the scientology organizations actually means supporting lies and lies, and she still is concerned about pursuing truth of life then she would have to leave the scientology organizations right away. It would be impossible to stay.

    This is just to give some idea on what is at stake. It has to be big. You don't leave someone you love for nothing, absolutely not.

    ***
     
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  12. Churchill

    Churchill Gold Meritorious Patron

    To which I would just add...you have a voice; use it. Your girlfriend was spiritually seduced by a truly evil organization and will, over time, feed this predatory beast with her time, her money, and ultimately, her very being.
    Educate yourself; learn everything you can about Scientology, and then add YOUR voice to the chorus of voices demanding that Scientology be held accountable for it’s abuses.
    You lost your girlfriend, but you haven’t lost your voice.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2017
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  13. Mimsey Borogrove

    Mimsey Borogrove Crusader

    I think your XGF will come to find out how homophobic the organization is and how it will be a block on her getting very far up the bridge. You might watch the Leah Remini Aftermath shows about Paul Haggis and his problems with Scientology and homophobia. It is want caused him to leave the church. They are very disingenuous on this point, masking their true feelings, always afraid she will revert.

    Mimsey
     
  14. Onkel

    Onkel Patron

    Actually I was nervous this might happen. I mean her "turning" heterosexsual all of a sudden, because I had seen some stuff about scientology, and how they don't really seem to approve of people who are gay.
    She reassured me that it was not the case. Now she claims to have gone back to being straight, she still says scientology has nothing to do with it. That she just never was gay, that it got sorted out, now she got rid of some old traumatic stuff from her past. She said that her auditor told her, that there is a lesbian in cape Town on ot levels, and I should take that as an evidence, that there are no problems being gay in the organisation at all.
    It's just the way she said it.. That she now dreams of being in a loving relationship with a guy, who is a scientologist. The words don't seem like her words at all.
    Can anyone tell me what goes on on these levels? She is on level four now.. She says it's going to give her the ability to make good choices for her future..
     
  15. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    You are probably quite right. Welcome to our community, by the way.

    She would likely be spouting the church lines, something she was told. Free thinking above basic levels is actively discouraged. If you are not walking, talking or breathing cultie, you will soon be in trouble with the management.

    Mimsey is right. Scn is very homophobic.
    They let them in to see if they can "cure" them, which doesn't happen and in whilst this is all happening drain them of all financial resources among other things. After that, they will be tolerated whilst they are still of any use, but limited in their options and ability to rise through the ranks and courses.

    Same goes for anyone with any psychiatric problems. The church is a very active predator of the vulnerable and will destroy them and them discard them when it suits them to.

    It is sad, but at least you were smart and strong enough to dodge that bullet. I hope things get better for you soon. Stay strong.
     
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  16. Enthetan

    Enthetan Mutant

    Consider the possibility that she might be bisexual. I've known several women who are bi. One is married to a friend of mine (he likes the opportunity for occasional threesomes). If she can have an enjoyable sexual relationship with either men or women, then she has the ability to choose to have only hetero relationships.
     
  17. Mimsey Borogrove

    Mimsey Borogrove Crusader

    She is somewhat above the bottom of the bridge if she is getting grade 4. They will probably get her to "go clear" on dianetics but she will likely top out at that point, unless she can really demonstrate she's straight and whatever gay experiences she had was as a fluke. I don't know how much I buy the gay girl on the OT levels - sounds like some unsubstantiated BS "Tr-4" handling - translation - TR4 is a communication drill where your coach says some origination, and you, the student auditor, are to hear, understand, and acknowledge it in a way that ends up with the person continuing with the process etc.

    So in this light - she says " I heard gays can't do the bridge" and the other person says: 'No way - I heard of a lesbian on the OT levels" Her objection is handled, her fears allayed, and thus continues on with her bridge progress. All per the tech. Who knows - maybe they consider lesbians less gay than guys? I don't hold a lot of hope if it comes out on a sec check that she is still a bit gay, or bi as the above post. Sec check - an interrogation done on the meter to find crimes etc. the person doesn't want known. Typically they thoroughly sec check you prior top going on to the OT levels to weed out any liabilities.

    ( you could help her along by telling her to think happy thoughts when she doesn't like the questioning to make the needle F/N - maybe when she sees just how bogus the meter is, she will connect the dots...)

    I dunno, Anne Hesche went straight, maybe your x did as well.

    I'd move on, and if she ever comes back, deal with it then.

    Mimsey
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2017
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  18. Onkel

    Onkel Patron

    Sure - i told her the same thing. And now she thinks that maybe she is. As she yesterday experienced being attracted to a woman who is pro - not anti scientology. It all comes down to that. And the more I talk about it here, the more I realize how crazy this all is. And how blind I have actually been. It hurts like hell - but I think you are right. This is for the best. I need to move on.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2017
  19. Onkel

    Onkel Patron

    What do you mean top out? If you have the money won't it buy you the way up the bridge no matter what? Or can you get stuck?
     
  20. Onkel

    Onkel Patron

    How do you mean free thinking is discouraged? How do they do that? What - you are only supposed to talk about scientology and nothing else..
     

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