Hi I'm not at ex scientologist, but I simply don't know who to turn to in my current situation. My now exgirlfriend is in Johannesburg right now trying to go clear. She was in la this summer and finished her srd. Coming back home to Denmark, she was anxious to continue up the bridge, as she thought it would help her with issues she's had, and hoped it would strengthen our relationship in the end. She has had a rough childhood and problems with committing to people, jobs and so on. She took out her pensionmoney, and has lent money from her ex husband, who is also a scientologist, and then she left for south Africa. I have never believed in scientology. I think talking about things that have been hard in life can help you move on. But from what I have seen scientology does not offer freedom of any kind. It seems to sell you a dream you can continue paying for while real life slips by.. I have been careful not to criticize too much. She simply can't deal with it at becomes very defensive. But I have been concerned about what this would do to her. She came out as a lesbian when she was young. Then got in to scientologi and married a man and worked in scientology for a while. After seven year in a platonic relationship with her husband realized she was living a lie, got a divorce and came out again. In this period she didn't do much scientology. But then married a violent woman, divorced her and after a few years she met me. Now she was starting to realise she had not been happy, and there where things she wanted to get rid of in order to be happy with me. I didn't realize she was doing scientology curses till a few months in. I had thought that whatever it was, it was an odd form of therapy - I had never heard of anyone working so many hours a week in self help classes. When I found out I was nervous it would be the end for us. I didn't know much about scientology other than it was something you should stay clear off, pun intended. But she explained that to her it was more of a philosophy than a religion. And that nothing was forced upon you. That you only had to take in what you felt like. And that it was fair to pay for therapy - like you would anywhere else. Now I was head over heels in love. We both were. Honestly never felt anything like I was feeling, so I accepted that she spent a lot of time on getting her self to a better place. Now that she told me she was leaving again, she made me promise to wait for her. And reassured me that this would just be a few months of our time in a long life together. I hoped that by going clear she might start to turn to me again, and wouldn't have to leave so much. So I agreed that this was a good decision. Even though all alarm clocks were going off inside me. On grade two, having been away from me for a month, one of her wins, end phenomenon or whatever it was, was the ability to have a loving relationship with a man. She wrote me she was now a heterosexual, and didn't think of me like she used to do. She didn't show any sign of concern about how that news would affect me. But she did say that she is was in the middle of this process and didn't want to make any conclusions or decide any thing yet. I was in chok, but kept my cool because it felt so crazy to me I honestly didn't know what to do. A week past and she now says she dreams of doing more scientology, because she wants to help people. She also dreams of being in a relationship with another scientologist so that they can share everything. In a relationship with someone who is not into scientology there is no real affinity. And so we split. I think maybe I look a bit stupid. But at the times she was not studying or away, we were really happy. I know she loves me. But it's like she has completely dissappeared. She seems robot like, and not at all herself. She says now she sees things clearer.. I think she has become completely blind. I told her in the kindest way possible, that if she felt like she is somehow in over her head - i would come get her. And also - not so kind perhaps, that I think she is fucking everything up. She said that's to be expected when clearing out ones past. But that she in the last 17 years has taken step by step on this road to a better place, and that she trusts herself in this. I have tried to ask her why, if everything is great, they are not allowed to listen to the critique. And if all the money really goes to good things, why don't they just show the figures to the public?.. But I have to realise I can't do anything. And so I told her, that if she ever wants out, I'm here. But from now on I have to let go. It's killing me to see her like this. Guess I just wanted to ease my heart. Thanks for listening.