My Ups and Downs

Discussion in 'Stories From Inside Scientology' started by FoTi, Oct 31, 2008.

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  1. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader

    I guess I need a new dictionary. My American Heritage doesn't have that definition #1 at all. Maybe I should have looked it up online.
  2. thetanic

    thetanic Gold Meritorious Patron

    Some people are indeed like that, sadly.

    Quite likely. No doubt why LRH forbade spells, lest they be used against him.
  3. crm1978

    crm1978 Patron with Honors

    Loving your story thanks to you I did'nt get a damn thing done yesterday! A few problems I had were dealing with LRH saying one thing in one HCOB then saying the opposite in the next one then looking for m'u's because if there is any confusion it must be my fault so off I went on the word chains.I never considered that LRH did'nt make an effort to make anything consistant and he seemed to forget what he wrote before.Of course at the time I was in awe of his every word and just thought must be mu's . After I left and regained my critical reasoning ability it was clear that Hubbard was the confused one.All through your story I was struck by how utterly incompetent Scientology orgs even the "Mecca of perfection" Flag were at basic service delivery hell even my local pizza place gives better service then those morons. I also would like to say what a good job you did of keeping your personal integrity through all of the crap they put you through. It would have been nice if they would have said we screwed up with your auditing we will credit you the last intensive we wasted instead of just sucking more money from you now that would be integrity! I just can'nt believe how heartless and unethical the "church" and most of it's members treat each other
  4. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader's kind of a long read.....took me a long time to write it.

    That thing about - if you don't understand it, you disagree with it, or you are confused you must have an was sometimes true, but not always. But then LRH could never be wrong, could he? :eyeroll: Would he ever accept that what he wrote wasn't correct or conflicting? :no: Maybe he was the one with the MU. :coolwink:

    I think everyone in Scientology is confused. I don't think they would put up with the stuff that they do if they weren't confused. They are all following a confused leader and a confused path.

    It's very hard to keep one's integrity when others are trying to knock it out all the time. It's a continuous challenge.
  5. Sharone Stainforth

    Sharone Stainforth Silver Meritorious Patron

    Riveting read, Foti.

    So sorry and sad you went through all of that. Would it help you to know I always saw Flag and St. hill like that and I was only there a very short time compared to you, in the 60s and 1970.

    So very glad you finally found your way out.

    Bless you!

  6. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader

    Thanks Sharone...

    I'm glad I found my way out too. I'd hate to be still stuck in that mess like some of my friends, who of course won't talk to me now.

    Bless you too!
  7. Svetka

    Svetka Patron with Honors

    Hi FoTi! Thank you for your story, I started to read and find very interesting and enlightening. You mentioned in one of your posts David Mayo, and I was hopping to read about him in your story, but did not come to it so far.

    I am curious because I make a website about David and collect there not only his writings, vide and audio lecture, but the witnesses testimonials about him. I tought you might be interested to participate and contribute in a form of article or comments?

    I think that by not admitting his mistakes Hubbard was trying to protect and do not shake the stable data, but turned the whole "science" into the dogma by that.
  8. Mark A. Baker

    Mark A. Baker Sponsor

    I happen to believe, given the very clear evidence of such within his writings, lecture materials, and actions of hubbard's preoccupation with self & narcissistic tendencies that he simply could not abide the thought of admitting to others any significant error, unethical, immoral, or illegal actions, either committed by himself or by others acting directly under his orders.

    Moreover, that is a view completely consonant with many of those who had the most actual direct experience of hubbard. [Not that I claim to be such, I most certainly am not.]

    Most frequently those who serve as apologists for hubbard had little or no direct contact with the man and frequently express an unwillingness to accept the unfavorable testimony of those who had direct knowledge of, or experience with, the man.

    Rathbun is an excellent case in point, as are several prominent individuals within the freezone who routinely style themselves as defenders of ron and object to the discussion of facts which are critical of there personal hero.

    And in doing so they go well beyond reason. Even Ken Urquhart does not deny hubbard's darker aspects, preferring instead to maintain a discrete silence about those disturbing aspects of a man whom he prefers to remember as a personal friend.

    Mark A. Baker
  9. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader

    Nope.....I don't have any more comments.:no:

    Nice website.
  10. Gib

    Gib Crusader


    Thank you so much for your story. I have just read it all over the last few days.

    What can I say that others have not done so already. :confused2: But I give them :thumbsup:

    As you state above in bold and on an earlier post, you and your dad were both trying to save each other. He you from the bridge and scientology, you him not getting freedom.

    The answer is thus not :violent: or :catfight: or disconnection.

    I do not know the answer. Your write-up is certaintly a part of the answer as it has helped me with :questions:
  11. Ted

    Ted Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Here's more

    Very true for many of us. That in of itself would make an interesting thread. I appreciate your candor. :yes::yes::yes:
  12. way cool phootie...


    thank you for so well expressing the very real and substantial virtues of auditing

    these must be be preserved and must endure
  13. right...

    dmsmh is hot air baloon

    the substance is good but it's pumped so full of hyperbole and overblown promise

    SOS which especially impresses me isn't a hot air baloon

    and when published it's sales were "sluggish"

    why is there so much bullshit?

    because it fukkin' works...
  14. CurBed

    CurBed New Member

    ToFi and all. Finding this message board has helped me tremendously. I am not a scientologist or ex-scientologist nor am I a troll. I grew up in a situation that overlaps a lot of what I am reading here. I will find the proper forum to tell the entire story.

    I like documentaries and have found myself drawn to cult documentaries for reasons I could not understand. That then led to youtube videos with people telling personal stories and then this message board. I now realize I was searching for ME. I needed/need a way to understand many of the things I experienced.

    My mother was a very ill and angry person who kinda made up her own religion. Growing up we were somewhat isolated and did not know any better. Two siblings have died because they refused medical treatment for serious but treatable conditions. My mother died for similar reasons (another long story for another forum). What saved me and remaining siblings (I am from a large family) was that my parents stressed education and my mother feared what would happen to us if we did not get one. So we are all highly educated but f***d when it comes to relationships and "normal" functioning. But at least at least I had my mind, some healthier ways of understanding the world, and a means to support myself.

    My mother was a wonderful and loving person on one hand, but totally damaging on the other. This has been confusing and makes relationships confusing. Thoughts and opinions were often invalidated because they did not fit with her very skewed worldview (which was dark and scary as hell by the way). Anyway, I am thankful for the fact that I am even somewhat normal.

    Reading your stories has helped me. You guys are helping many people in ways that you do not even know or intended.
    Thanks for being so open and honest. I wish you all the best. C
    By the way, my mother read Dianetics in the 80's among other things. So we were raised on some of that thinking.
    Last edited: May 17, 2017
  15. EZ Linus

    EZ Linus Patron with Honors

    Hi CurBed,

    I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I really recommend that you get the book called, "Captive Hearts, Captive Minds: : Freedom and Recovery from Cults and Abusive Relationships" by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich. There is a lot of information in there about how there is such thing as a cult of ONE. You might find it useful and healing. It was one of the best books I ever read.
  16. CurBed

    CurBed New Member

    Thanks for the response. I will check out the book.
    Much Love, C

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