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EZ Linus

Cleared Tomato
Hi all. I've actually been out for more than 15 years, but I've been pretty much in hiding. Pathetic, huh?

Well, not so fast though, because I have been through a lot and I've been working on a book for the last six years, so I'm kind of coming out of the closet with a bang. I should be done by the beginning of 2017.

Last night I finished Jenna's memoir. Her last chapter was particularly impacting because it was like she was speaking to ME. I mean, she is talking to everyone that has not yet come out of the shadows. I can't tell you how scared I am about my own memoir - as I come closer to finishing it. I get more and more panicked. But I know it will be the right thing. It's not just about the cult. It's about a lot of things.

I figured this would be a good place to come for support.

Thanks for listening.
 

Knows

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome to EXSMB Newbe!! So happy you are here. It does not matter how long it takes...but that you finally took the plunge to post shows you are healing from the mind fuck and abuse from Scientology.

Happy to hear you are delivering a BLOW to Scientology by writing a book. We can't wait to buy and read it.

:dancer::dancer::dancer::hattip::party::party::party::woohoo::woohoo::wave::wave::dance3::dance3::dance3::heartflower::heartflower::heartflower::flowers::flowers::flowers::hug::hug::bighug:

WELCOME!
 

Dave B.

Maximus Ultimus Mostimus
Wow. Sometimes I forget how tightly the cult has a hold on peoples minds.


Welcome to ESMB!

This place is a GREAT resource to detox the $cn. out of your system. You can read other peoples stories about their experiences and some fantastic threads regarding the truth about the $cientology mindfuck kult.

Paul has some ebooks/pdf's to download that are awesome, Alan Walters posts and Dart Smohens story, etc etc.

I recommend the Opening Pandora's Box thread.

cheers,

finish your book and release it ;-)
 

scooter

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome :wave:

Don't beat yourself up about not having "struck an effective blow" - decompressing from the kult takes everyone different lengths of time and requires no "one-size-fits-all" a la Hubbard's "Bridge to Total Freedom.":puke:

It's an individual journey.:yes:

It's hard to even post anonymously for the first time, let alone publicly come out against something that's so overwhelmingly "powerful" as the kult had us all believe. I shat myself the first time I publicly protested against the kult outside Melbourne org. I still had butterflies on my fourth and fifth protests but they weren't so bad. But now it's just a totally insignificant dying organisation that's sadly still got some good friends entrapped within its toxic web.:bigcry:

Looking forward to reading the book - are you gonna publish it? :drama:

Enjoy the ride - join us as we watch Davey's Navy fall apart with a wimper.:roflmao:
 

Gib

Crusader
Hi all. I've actually been out for more than 15 years, but I've been pretty much in hiding. Pathetic, huh?

Well, not so fast though, because I have been through a lot and I've been working on a book for the last six years, so I'm kind of coming out of the closet with a bang. I should be done by the beginning of 2017.

Last night I finished Jenna's memoir. Her last chapter was particularly impacting because it was like she was speaking to ME. I mean, she is talking to everyone that has not yet come out of the shadows. I can't tell you how scared I am about my own memoir - as I come closer to finishing it. I get more and more panicked. But I know it will be the right thing. It's not just about the cult. It's about a lot of things.

I figured this would be a good place to come for support.

Thanks for listening.

all whistle blowers are a good thing. :thumbsup:
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Welcome :wave:

Don't beat yourself up about not having "struck an effective blow" - decompressing from the kult takes everyone different lengths of time and requires no "one-size-fits-all" a la Hubbard's "Bridge to Total Freedom.":puke:

It's an individual journey.:yes:

It's hard to even post anonymously for the first time, let alone publicly come out against something that's so overwhelmingly "powerful" as the kult had us all believe. I shat myself the first time I publicly protested against the kult outside Melbourne org. I still had butterflies on my fourth and fifth protests but they weren't so bad. But now it's just a totally insignificant dying organisation that's sadly still got some good friends entrapped within its toxic web.:bigcry:

Looking forward to reading the book - are you gonna publish it? :drama:

Enjoy the ride - join us as we watch Davey's Navy fall apart with a wimper.:roflmao:

Scooter - I will never forget when you took me on my first protest outside Melbourne org. I was so shaky I could barely get out of the car. You said, "Don't worry, that feeling will pass and then it will feel good!" or words to that effect. And you were so right. The wonderful anonymous guys made me welcome and I could finally stand there outside the building I had spent so much time in, and see it for what it was. Somewhere I had worked, somewhere I allowed myself to be used and abused in. Somewhere I had left and now had my freedom back.

Newb, most of us here have faced the fear at some point, or we wouldn't be here. It is totally understandable and it takes courage that is often underestimated.

Good on you for posting. Don't feel that you "have" to do anything, take your time. If it's not the right time for your book quite yet, you will know when it is.

I'd advise anonymity though, don't post details of any kind like places, dates, names, courses done etc until you are ready for that too.
 

Gib

Crusader
Welcome :wave:

Don't beat yourself up about not having "struck an effective blow" - decompressing from the kult takes everyone different lengths of time and requires no "one-size-fits-all" a la Hubbard's "Bridge to Total Freedom.":puke:

It's an individual journey.:yes:

It's hard to even post anonymously for the first time, let alone publicly come out against something that's so overwhelmingly "powerful" as the kult had us all believe. I shat myself the first time I publicly protested against the kult outside Melbourne org. I still had butterflies on my fourth and fifth protests but they weren't so bad. But now it's just a totally insignificant dying organisation that's sadly still got some good friends entrapped within its toxic web.:bigcry:

Looking forward to reading the book - are you gonna publish it? :drama:

Enjoy the ride - join us as we watch Davey's Navy fall apart with a wimper.:roflmao:

:thumbsup:

I was shitt'in bricks the first time I posted here. Prior I was shak'in in my boots reading anything negative about scientology. What a release to find out I was not alone. :yes:
 

oneonewasaracecar

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome :wave:

Don't beat yourself up about not having "struck an effective blow" - decompressing from the kult takes everyone different lengths of time and requires no "one-size-fits-all" a la Hubbard's "Bridge to Total Freedom.":puke:
A thousand times this. You are not responsible for everything that has happened.

There are plenty of people fighting them. More than are still in.
Looking forward to reading the book - are you gonna publish it? :drama:
I'm interested too.
Enjoy the ride - join us as we watch Davey's Navy fall apart with a wimper.:roflmao:
Not fair Scoot. That ethics dog never wimpers, it barks.
 

Knows

Gold Meritorious Patron
:thumbsup:

I was shitt'in bricks the first time I posted here. Prior I was shak'in in my boots reading anything negative about scientology. What a release to find out I was not alone. :yes:

Scientology "implants" fear and that is done in the beginning with the PTS / SP Tech. It states you are an SP if you criticize it - even if it is the truth....it "implants" paranoia in its members. The paranoia is "implanted" in the TECH.

I believe most Scientologist's who blow from the cult are scared.

What will help the most is to deliver BLOWS to the cult.

Get people out, tell your story, tell the media your story.

SUPPRESS the SHIT out of Scientology!

Tell the TRUTH about L Ron Hubbard and that evil cult...tell everyone you know about it.

Telling everyone the truth kills Scientology.
 
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lotus

stubborn rebel sheep!
Hey EZ Linus

Warmth welcome to you!

Please have a comfortable seat since you can expect plenty of infos, chats and good laughter with people on this board.

Hopefully, you will enjoy your stay as we will enjoy your coming!
Looking forward to read your book - keep on and we will provide you with courage and support when publishing stresfull times comes.

Ciao Ciao
:handinhand:
 

Veda

Sponsor
Hi all. I've actually been out for more than 15 years, but I've been pretty much in hiding. Pathetic, huh?

Well, not so fast though, because I have been through a lot and I've been working on a book for the last six years, so I'm kind of coming out of the closet with a bang. I should be done by the beginning of 2017.

Last night I finished Jenna's memoir. Her last chapter was particularly impacting because it was like she was speaking to ME. I mean, she is talking to everyone that has not yet come out of the shadows. I can't tell you how scared I am about my own memoir - as I come closer to finishing it. I get more and more panicked. But I know it will be the right thing. It's not just about the cult. It's about a lot of things.

I figured this would be a good place to come for support.

Thanks for listening.

[video=youtube;3ADs4PlzGmY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ADs4PlzGmY[/video]

Welcome EZ Linus!

If you, by chance, are interested in looking through the archives of ESMB, I'd recommend browsing the search function of ESMB; unfortunately, however, it's not a very effective search function. However, the Google search function works well, provided one knows how to use it.

No. That link is to one PDF, not the whole page that contains Alan's books, Bea's book, Dart's book, and others.

Paul

Hey Paul, would you mind explaining, one more time, how to efficiently use Google search to explore the vast data base of ESMB?

This time I'll bookmark it!

Thanks. :)






[video=youtube;zD5YWJbni6E]https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=390&v=zD5YWJbni6E[/video]
1930 film showing 1880 (fifty years earlier) and 1980 (fifty years later).
 

Dulloldfart

Squirrel Extraordinaire
Hey Paul, would you mind explaining, one more time, how to efficiently use Google search to explore the vast data base of ESMB?

This time I'll bookmark it!

Thanks. :)

One can search all the public pages of any web site on Google using site:blahblah.com.

Google will not index all the interesting members-only threads on ESMB, in order not to scare off normal people.

So, to search for anything about, say, PaulsRobot Psycho module, one would enter the following in a Google search box or a modern browser combined address/search bar:
site:exscn.net paulsrobot psycho

Watch it being done:
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=site:exscn.net+paulsrobot+psycho

Paul
 

EZ Linus

Cleared Tomato
Hi Everyone.

Thank you very much for such a great, warm welcome and wonderful feedback. I really appreciate this. You can't imagine.

Yes, it wasn't exactly easy to post here, even anonymously. I figured, however, that once the book comes out, I won't be anonymous anymore and I will be needing all the support I can get. I am looking for that support system now. So, yes, I am going to be publishing the book. Scientology is only a part of it though. It is a memoir about many things, but I was in the cult for about 18 years in total. I will be looking for a major publisher and if I can't get one, then I will self-publish it. I also will try to find an agent as well. I do not have one yet. I do have a good editor though. She might help in getting it published, but I'm at least six months away from completing the book. I'm almost half way through with the 3rd draft.

I don't think I'm at the point where the feeling of speaking out is going to "help" me. Someone mentioned that they "bark." I expect the book won't go over well with the church, you know??? I will be opening myself up to a ton of harassment - I can imagine anyway. It freaks me out a little. Not to the extent that I won't do it though. I'm still going to do it. I'm well armed with information and then some. They can't hurt me. They can't sue me. And if they try, they won't have a case.

Over these last 15 years, I have read everything under the sun, moon and stars about Hubbard's past, Xenu, other people's accounts, alt.scientology.rel, clambake, mind control, plus I've had a ton of therapy. I probably have a lot to offer the forum too. I hope so anyway. I shouldn't have been hiding out for so long.

Fear is the worst. Fear and shame has been the worst of my problem in all of this, unfortunately.

Thanks again for the welcome! :)
 

Victoria

Patron Meritorious
Welcome EZ Linus!!!

Hey, I left in 1985, and have only been "unbrainwashed" for less than a decade.

I was pretty much completely unaware of how many layers of the $cn. were still festering away in my noggin' until a lot of honest to god big beings started rabble rousing on the internetz, where even I could finally see it all clearly and deconstruct my own addled brain.
 

EZ Linus

Cleared Tomato
Welcome EZ Linus!!!

Hey, I left in 1985, and have only been "unbrainwashed" for less than a decade.

I was pretty much completely unaware of how many layers of the $cn. were still festering away in my noggin' until a lot of honest to god big beings started rabble rousing on the internetz, where even I could finally see it all clearly and deconstruct my own addled brain.

It took a couple of years for me too, before I realized what had happened to me. I had my last dealings in 1999, but didn't really "get" that I was in a cult until 2001. It took at least 10 years to unravel my brain from there. After the first "OMG" moment on the Internet, I think I had a panic attack that lasted about a year and a half. I thought I was going to die after I first read about Xenu. I really did. Because I did get pneumonia (but that wasn't why, obviously). But I equated it to that. I was severely fucked up. I've come a long way. I also owe a lot of my healing to some key players (Internet trailblazers) that I was able to contact early on.

I still deal with some residual bits. I'm still a workaholic, for instance. I take too much responsibility for stuff, and other flaws.
 
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