Pilot's archive from Hell

[Ralph Hilton]

The following is material which was sent to a limited list of people..
Ken requested that it should be posted in full in the event of his death.
I have edited it to the extent of removing actual names of people involved
unless generally known.
I have also snipped references to personal matters which could identify an
individual and some personal mail from others.


========= START OF ARCHIVE =============

THE ARCHIVE FROM HELL

Beginning in December of 1999, I went into a total case
spin and mostly stopped posting to the net except for
post69 at the start of January.

After post69, I only sent my research notes (and personal
material) to a small group of trusted tech terminals and
asked them to keep this material temporarily confidential.

I do not believe in confidentiality, but it seemed that I
was so keyed in that I could not trust my tech observations
and furthermore it would be bad PR to hold myself up as
an example of the tech failing to work. And this material,
written quickly without review, would need to be extensively
worked over to get it in shape.

But if I don't make it, then the next researcher needs to
see everything that happened here at the end. Ron did us
a disservice by not documenting whatever went wrong with
him so that the next generation of tech finders might have
a chance to avoid the same traps.

And so the groundrules are that either -

a) I die or am otherwise completely eliminated from the
game and this archive should be posted in the hope that
the next researcher will get us out of the trap.

b) Or I make it and then review (with hindsight) and clean
up these materials into a form suitable for posting.

Note that I replaced all actual names from the original
messages with code letters (such as CQ5).


++++++++++++++++++++++++

CONTENTS

01) JAN 7, 2000 Additional Tech Writeup On Elsinore Etc.
02) Jan 20, 2000 ARCHITECTS OF DESTRUCTION
03) JAN 20, 2000 Scary Stuff -
04) JAN 21, 2000 EP OF SCARY PROCESS -
05) JAN 24, 2000 BAD NEWS
06) JAN 24, 2000 Psychic Attack -
07) JAN 24, 2000 Psychic - Sequal
08) JAN 25, 2000 On the psychic attack:
09) JAN 28, 2000 TECH NOTE ON STACKS
10) JAN 28, 2000 TECH NOTE ON STACKS - ADDITION
11) FEB 7, 2000 BETTER
12) MAR 3, 2000 SUMMARY
13) MAR 4, 2000 TECH NOTE (CDEI Implant)
14) MAR 4, 2000 MISERABLE
15) MAR 28, 2000 SUBPOENA
16) APR 4, 2000 Tech Writeup On Evil Self
17) APR 5, 2000 Tech Writeup On Inval Rudiment
18) Apr 7, 2000 THE OSA ATTACK
19) Apr 14, 2000 PROCESS
20) APR 14, 2000 MORE INFO
21) Apr 14, 2000 RE YZ6'S R-FACTOR
22) Apr 24, 2000 A MESSAGE FROM HELL
23) Apr 26, 2000 WHAT WORKED
24) May 2, 2000 RESPONSE FROM BN1
25) May 2, 2000 NIGERIA
26) May 3, 2000 SKYLARK -
27) May 4, 2000 ANSWERING YZ6 ON AIMS
28) May 4, 2000 TECH ON VACUMES
29) May 5, 2000 NEWS, STATUS, AND VACUMES
30) May 12, 2000 UPDATE
31) May 15, 2000 COMMENTS
32) May 25, 2000 PROCESSES
33) May 26, 2000 ABILITY SCALE
34) JUN 2, 2000 INTERFEARANCE PATTERN
35) JUN 20, 2000 GETTING WORSE
36) JUN 21, 2000 MORE ON GETTING WORSE
37) JUN 28, 2000 OT BREAKTHROUGH
38) JUN 30, 2000 TRICKING THE LOWER SELF
39) JUL 6, 2000 VARIOUS NOTES
40) JUL 11, 2000 OSA DRUG IMPLANTING
41) JUL 11, 2000 OSA SEX-DRUG HYPNOSIS (SDH) PROCEDURE
42) JUL 11, 2000 SDH RESPONSE
43) JUL 12, 2000 FOLLOWUP
44) JUL 13, 2000 VARIOUS
45) JUL 17, 2000 WHAT'S UP AND A GREAT PROCESS
46) JUL 19, 2000 SOME RESULTS
47) JUL 26, 2000 MORE BREAKTHROUGHS
48) JUL 27, 2000 FAILURE
49) JUL 28, 2000 JUMPED BACK UP
50) AUG 1, 2000 ON MAILING LISTS, LTA, ETC.
51) AUG 2, 2000 LOTS OF PROCESSING


++++++++++++++++++++++++

=============

01) JAN 7, 2000

Additional Tech Writeup On Elsinore Etc.

Hi,

The big release that let me write post69 was the turning
point, but this area of 2D is an almost bottomless pit of
charge, so I expect that I will still be floundering and
unstable until I get some sort of 2D going.

The bad news is that things like that suicide impulse are
not really errased. Its recent track and there's lots of
older postulates about removing myself from games or whatever
where I am either dangerous or unwanted. The good news is
that its in conscious view and I'm not liable to act
reactively without thinking.

Also I'm a bit further upscale. I'm still continuing to
run lots of stuff and sometimes I'm upscale enough to
write a bit of it up. I got one long writeup done of
something I ran earlier this week, and it is attached here,
but I'm afraid that there might be some reverse twist or
there might be a lot of dub-in and it is also very out
PR, so I want to keep it off lines for now. If I do
disappear for a long time, you can post it. Otherwise,
I'll probably do some watered down and more accurate
version eventually that can be posted.

I noticed this morning that I've shifted upscale from
being stuck on sexual sensation to being stuck on
sexual emotion. That's quite an improvement as far as
I'm concerned. Of course I know analytically that it
goes up to admiration and asthetics and so forth, but
that is only analytical, like knowing the clear cog
in the abstract (from BC tapes) before you really have
it. You know its going to be that way (and it helps
to know because you move in the right direction) but
you don't actually feel it in your gut yet and you make
a big gain when you do get it even though you sort of
knew before.

And of course I've been running lots of stuff (the writeup
below is not the latest) but still being careless of
getting things written down. And I have been slipping
up and down in this area still, but nowhere near the wild
rollercoaster I was up until last weekend.

And I'm beginning to operate tentatively in the area.
Actually got a date to go have a drink with one of the
secretaries after work next week. Also planning to wander
the complex again sometime this weekend hoping to bump
into old terminals. Might also go down to one of the
art museums one day and see if there are any sophisticated
unattached girls who might want to be asked out and so
forth.

I feel like I was stuck in these feedback loops like
you can't talk because you're not talking but you're
not talking because you can't talk and if you ever
did one it would break the loop but you can't because
the feedback is too heavy. And now I seem to be taking
little babysteps out of those catch-22s and that is
a big change because I was trapping myself up until
last weekend.

I also found, last night, why I tend to avoid refering
to girls as ladies and flinch badly from certain attitudes
and behaviors from women. I grew up around a bunch of
what I percieved to be female preditors who did not have
sex before marriage and who plotted to entrap and the
men involved always seemed to be dead after a short while
(and of course everybody was always sad and there were
no bad intentions but men seemed to get driven into their
graves). The one exception was a reverse role model.
They considered that his one plus point was that he was a
virgin when he got married and was faithfull, but he was
otherwise psycho, with his gun collection and bigotry and
ranting about killing everybody, and the screaming fights
never stopped in that household, being so bad that even the
dog learned to say the word "leave-me-alone" (three daughters,
bigger hits littler and the littelest hits the dog).

And of course they all loved me and tried to make me into
their ideal romantic role model, except of course that
they left out sex. And I kind of went reverse vector.
Especially as all the men seemed to have been killed off
and the only one they actually liked was a psycho who
might start shooting people any day.

And of course this is all not quite true (really just kind
of half true with exceptions and justifications and I'm
sure they would all disagree with this picture), and only
one way of looking at things, and I didn't really think
this as a kid, except that I sort of did and then suppressed
it because that viewpoint was just too hard to take,
and so these kind of ideas were banging around out of
sight and being felt but not thought about all through my
teens.

Anyway, here is the tech writeup I promised.

========================

Marcab, Elsinore, and Christianity


WARNING - Potentially highly toxic

Temporarily Confidential.

Read the other stuff on Elsinore etc. in post69.txt
first.

Here's some space opera stuff that you can
take with a grain of salt. I never like to push
these things. Might just be sci fi. Also note
that it is just some nasty incidents on my own
case, do not turn it into a xemu story. We all
have lots of stuff like this. I'm passing this
on only as an example and because I learned some
things about actual GPMs and various other topics
from it.


Elsinore was of the Marcabian body type like
Earth is (and actually it is one of the old Magic
universe body types and not necessarily unpleasant).

Marcab, loaded to the gills with Helatrobian
ideas, considered Elsinore, with its free love and
communes etc. to be an abomination, and furthermore
was scared of it because of its efforts to try
and make OTs.

And Elsinore was a single world whereas Marcab was
an empire with innumerable worlds.

So they sent a war fleet, and Elsinore was only
defended by a handful who had real OT powers.
And it takes too long to focus in on an individual
ship and crush it or flick it into the sun.
So with ten thousand ships in zig zagging random
patterns, they got a few through and cracked
the planet's core.

That could have been done at any time to an
undefended world like ours, but the threat of
retaliation had made them hold off for centuries.
Finally, however, they had decided that we were
so peace loving and working at forgiveness that
we would let it go.

I don't know if we did it just to ensure that the
next place like Elsinore would be left alone or if
we really did it for vengance, but we did choose
to retaliate, and we had it well enough justified
that we did not consider ourselves evil and the
suicide business did not trigger.

I have a haunting picture of tossing worlds into
a red sun that has been there ever since I heard
that first tape where Ron mentions Marcab. It
wasn't a stuck picture, but just something that
would surface occasionally.

You would think that I would simply blow such a
thing by copying it, changing its color, etc.
And that would take it out of restim, but the
picture would always come back eventually.

And note that the copying trick does work if it
is an entity who is pushing the picture into
restim because the copies you mockup flatten
it for him too. But in this case copying didn't
handle it properly.

I can tell you now that the trick of it is if
a picture keeps coming back like that, even after
using simple tricks like copying, spot what is being
suppressed in the picture, because there is some
big non confront.

When I lifted the lid on that one, I got the
telepathic screams of billions of innocents as
their world was pushed into the sun.

Of course we lost all power in doing that, and
yet, after, I think, burning up dozens of their
worlds, we still had only scratched the surface
of a vast empire with innumerable star systems
full of inhabited planets.

And so a handfull of broken and powerless OTs,
still thirsting to eradicate Marcab from the
galaxy, joined the 5th invader force which was
actually hurting Marcab more with its invasion
fleets than we had with our vengefull strike.

Fifth invader is a disgusting insect body type.
It is meant to degrade because the bodies are gross
and yet they give fantastically good sensation,
so you tend to hold onto them anyway. Their
only 2D is orgies.

If Elsinor had high scale group sex and Marcab
has an inbetween level of one person forever sex,
then 5th invader has the bottom scale which
mimics the top but is really the lowest possible
degredation. Because their orgies are totally
being bodies with zero affinity.

Well that broke the last of what remained of
Elsinore's handling and I went back to being a
nasty character. And the suicide business and
all the other stuff stopped affecting me because
I really had destoyed the good guy OT that I
had been.

I think that Elsinore pulled me out of the "not
holy" games condition around 32,000 years ago.
I was with them until they were destoyed about
22,000 years ago, and then I banged around in
space opera as a nasty guy until about 10,000
years ago when Marcab got me imprisoned on Earth.
These are only guesses but they feel right.

In an actual GPM, the items are your own choice,
there is no set pattern, only the goal is suggested
and the concept of item formation, where you try
different valences to achieve the goal. But as
I said, the valences are your mockups, not implanted.

In the first flush of the new goal "to be intelligent"
and the glories of Elsinors push for love and
forgiveness, I was using items of an extremely
high, good, pro-survival nature and they were
lasting for long periods of time (thousands of
years) before failing.

In this subsequent black period in space opera,
I was choosing evil items (evil genius, diabolical
planner, etc> and shifting items fairly quickly.
Note that the goal to be intelligent does not have
any inherent bias towards either good or evil and
so you can choose items either way. You see, it
is your choice on these actual GPMs.

I didn't stay exclusively with 5th invader the
entire time. There is bouncing around in the
various groups (4th invader, espinol, even being
a Marcabian and spying on them) and I even escaped
to the Magic Universe briefly, and I hardly have
it sorted out - its a huge 12,000 year period with
lots of change and variation, but I think that I
was more 5th invader than not.

Eventually I ended up here, brilliant but a bit
nasty, and I was still up near the top of the
GPM. These damn things go on for hundreds of
items (everything you can think of before you
give up all hope of ever doing the goal) and
may last for hundreds of thousands of years.

And then I got banged back into all the old
stuff from Elsinore and completely turned around
again and started being one of the good guys.
And the character of the GPM items I've been
living since then shifted over to things like
being a teacher and so forth, always with a
well intentioned bias instead of a dark side.

What turned me around was a Christian free love
commune in, I think, Antioch, sometime in the
first century after Christ. And it was, I think,
a complete immitation of Elsinore limited only by
the primitive conditions and the hositility of
the Roman government. And it bore almost no
resemblance to what is now called Christianity
except for the love and forgiveness.

There is no giving and taking of marriage in
heaven, and Christ's followers were establishing
the kingdom of heaven on earth. Love thy neighbor
literally. Everything is forgiven. There are
no rules or commandments save do unto others.
We are all the children of god, each capable of
doing greater things than Christ if we only
look within ourselves and find God. And of
course the early Christians believed in
reincarnation.

And I don't think that it had all those Hellatrobian
R6 symbols in it. I think that all that mess
appeared about 300 AD when the Roman government
completely rewrote the religion.

I think that when Elsinore's OTs decided to
smash Marcab, at least a few of them choose to
forgive anyway and turned his back on it. And
my guess is that Christ was one of those.

I suppose I'm horrifying the modern Christians
here, and I don't want to start any silly arguments,
so let me emphasize that this is just my opinion
and I might even change my mind and it should
definitely not be taken for doctrine or used
for some freezone party line. It might just be
a kinky idea I had one afternoon.

Venturing even more speculatively, one idea is
that he also suffered from the suicide impulses
and I think that he taught that if you really
felt like doing that, you should put it to good
use and choose some nice spectacular way of
getting bumped off so as to save and enlighten
others.

I think that the suicidal twist was one of Elsinore's
big mistakes. There was some fear of making a
renegade OT. And it didn't even work to block that
because we were able to justify our viscious
retaliation so that we didn't feel evil.

And I think that I was right in some stuff I wrote
years ago about very early asthetic implants designed
to make OTs destroy themselves, and I think that
Elsinore never spotted those and instead dramatized
them by setting its OTs up to self destruct out of
a misguided effort to protect people.

Although I said that I'd turned black until that
free love commune, it was actually more of a mixed
bag with a lot of shifting around and sometimes
I'd start searching for some part of myself which
I felt was lost. Hence, I was busy following
the 8 fold path in India when I felt something
draw me to the Middle East.

By the time I managed to reincarnate there, Christ
was already gone but it was not long after and
that's how I ended up in the commune.

The commune only shifted me in the character of
items that I was mocking up within the GPM. It
had no power to pull me back up to the top of a
GPM that was already partially decayed.

That first time in Elsinore had been a total shift
into the very top of a new GPM, and that rekindles
old abilities briefly because you think that you
are a new being and drop lots of old barriers.

Now I think that the only OTs Elsinore made were
ones that were at the end of a GPM who could be
flipped to the top of a new one. That makes it
a thousand to one shot even if everything else
is perfect, and I think it rarely was because there
only seemed to be dozens rather than thousands of
real OTs in that civilization.

Unfortunately, the commune was only a shallow
immitation and rehab of the earlier stuff, and
the commune didn't last.

I doubt that many people came out of it with that
nasty no sex equals suicide compulsion. I had
lots of nasty stuff to suppress and high horsepower
levels and very little love left for this universe
in general.

But I was both exceptionally able and exceptionally
self destructive from then on.


==============

++++++++++++++++++++++++

02)

ARCHITECTS OF DESTRUCTION

Personal & Confidential - possibly highly toxic
(ok to publish after I'm gone)

Jan 20, 2000

We are each the architect of our own destruction.

I can see how I'm building the trap (invalidating and
unmocking every possibility of escape) but not why.

My ARC for this society and the people in it continues
to collapse at an alarming rate.

The physical reactions are also getting worse. Fits of
trembling, muscel cramps, hot flashes, glandular reactions,
pains in the groin etc.

At nights I sit home alone getting drunk in front of
the TV. My ability to concentrate is about zero. At least
I was trying to go out and be places until recently, but
there were no terminals. I see a few friends at lunch, but
I fear that I am collapsing their tone.

My flows are getting black to the point where I would be
dangerous to a 2D and therefore I do not even want to be
talked to.

I had started discussing the possibility of a 2D (really
an occasional relationship) with Maria (secretary down
the hall) and we have talked easily for years when we
ran into each other on breaks (going outside for a smoke)
so there are no nerves or shyness discussing sex with
her. Except that trying to talk to her has consistantly
turns on terrible pains (like being kicked in the balls)
and that is ruining the high toned high arc comm that
had her interested in me in the first place.

The somatics can be keyed out with assists, but only
slowly and any process on them (even lightly spotting
points in the body or pushing somatics into walls)
turns on terrible waves of grief.

Basically blowing the numb death level out of the body
(when I posted that stuff on sex & suicide last month)
has moved it up to grief and it seems as if every loss
of a 2D on the track has gone into restim. Oddly enough,
my circulation, which was always poor, came up to normal
and has stayed that way, so there was always a physical
suppress on the body.

The area is really sex plus emotion all wrapped up into
some sort of energy system that I don't fully understand.
The composite reactions (emotion as well as sex) only
occur with rare terminals.

I seem to have always had it jacked up to maximum. I am
not shut down emotionally like many guys are and the
testosterone levels are probably way above normal (at least
in comparison with what I've heard). And so damn many
ethical considerations mixed in as well. It feels like
there is a huge cloud of charged energy around the body
on this emotional/sexual band. Unfortunately, when I'm
like this it all backlashes.

I don't know what that heavy emotion reaction is based on
except some sort of mutual vibration. It always shows up
quickly and even hits over the phone so its neither
appearance nor a gradual building of ARC.

I certainly tried with my first wife, Jenny, where we
worked at building ARC and also at turning each other
on sexually (boy did I learn stuff) and yet that heavy
emotional kick never appeared. Otherwise it would have
been an ideal 2D.

The emotional kick was there with Ann until the moment
she betrayed me to osa and then it seemed to go dead
cold. That makes me think that the emotional/sexual
interaction is not due to some implant or case because
adding charge (by betrayal) turned it off rather than
turning it on.

Sex without the heavy emotional kick is certainly possible
and pleasureable and would pull me out briefly. But
I'm too honest to make any kind of false pictures or
comittments and I know that without the emotional kick
a long term relationship is impossible (tried and failed
with Jenny). That's fine in a sixties free love atmosphere
but no good these days.

The idea of my going to Europe is like Mozart going to
London where they did want him, a myth that would never
quite happen. Not only would a passport take months,
but then there would be tons of other stuff to confront,
possible if I was high toned but not the way I am now.
I really don't think that I'm going to last that long.

It bothers me that it is a total vacume here. There
are about five people that I can talk to (not counting
co-workers, waitresses, etc.)

CQ5 had her idea of flying out and jumping me, but
that would make me feel so guilty I'm sure I would tear
her apart with charge and inval, definitely too dangerous
and it wouldn't work anyway because it would only be
a bandaid raising my havingness for a moment (it would
buy me a little bit of time but not enough).

And its obviously not just physical sex. At one point
last month I did try to flatten the damn body reactions
with extensive masturbation. Four or five times a day
for 4 days. Big joke, nothing changed except that I
got a little sore. So I tried the opposite (abstaining
for a week) and found that the somatics increased.
No way out in that direction either way.

I am rambling here. Basically, the only reason I haven't
jumped off a building is that its still a bit more fun
to write and moan. Without that I'd be dead already.
So I hope that you folks will keep putting up with this
unpleasant as it may be.

And I still can't figure out why I'm ensuring my own
destruction. It's mechanical. It's not BTs putting
thoughts in my head. The reactive urge to bump myself
off is gone, and yet physical events are stearing me
in that direction anyway and I do feel that in some
manner I'm creating those events for myself as if I
want it this way.

I've been trying to run:

a) get the idea of ensuring my own destruction

b) get the idea of letting go and allowing myself to
operate on the 2D.

Light as that seems, it is almost unrunable. I do
a command occasionally and then bounce and get distracted
or do something else. Been working it occasionally all
morning. Maybe it will flatten and something magical
will happen.

So far, on a) I keep getting this idea of being this
huge being way up somewhere else and reaching down
and squeezing a box around my smaller self. I feel
very evil doing this but there is a good feeling of
havingness to it.

And on the b) question, I keep turning on terrible
grief.

I'll probably get the process done running it on and
off throughout the day. We'll see what happens.

Enough for now.

Best,

The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

(around this time I posted "super scio - TO STACY ETC. ON LMT"
which can be found in post70.txt.


++++++++++++++++++++++++

03) JAN 20, 2000

Personal & Confidential - possibly highly toxic
(ok to publish after I'm gone)

Scary Stuff -

Running that process on ensuring destruction a bit further
I started getting the idea that I had triggered some sort
of toxic researcher's virus and on the let go question it
seemed like the loss turning on was the loss of the entire
universe.

The thought was that I had been on the edge of finding something
a few months ago that would cause everything to be gone and
that this whole current abberation was tailored to prevent
that.

Also, I tried spotting if this mess dates as being at the
start of this universe and I got that it was earlier, something
that goes way way back, at least to the beginning of the magic
universe and possibly much futher back.

None of this brought relief but only more worry.

So I decided to perform a thought experiment.

I'm good at mocking up an absolute decision and then simply
changing my mind, so I'm not afraid to put a bad mockup out
there breifly without worrying about it.

So I mocked up posting a message to the newsgroup saying that
I was abandoning the research and to hell with the freezone
and fuck you all goodby.

At the moment when I really believed I was going to post
that, I felt a great feeling of relief and all the goddamn
2D somatics decreased by about fifty percent. And I had the
certainty that if I did post it, they would turn off the rest
of the way, and furthermore that I'd just walk down the hall,
maybe pickup Maria and after sleeping with her proceed to
work my way through every other pretty girl in LA and I just
knew for certain that I could do that.

Of course I didn't post any such thing and immediately changed
my mind since I don't like making such deals with the devil.

And then nothing was changed and the charge levels on 2D were
headed back up through the roof. In fact I can tell by my
balls which are supposed to be at lower than body temprature
but which were feverishly hot against my leg dropping down
to normal temprature on mocking up the post and climbing again
back up as I changed my mind. A shocking level of physical
effect which I have no conscious control over but which
reacted directly to the change in postulates. And notice
that the postulate had nothing whatsoever to do with the 2D.

I am reminded of Christ in the desert being offered all
the kingdoms of the world by the devil. Of course I only
got offered unlimited easy sex.

And I do feel like I'm in a spiritual desert. It feels as
if nobody can reach me.

The funny thing is that all this seems like my own postulates
made very early on the track.

I wonder if Ron hit this in 1964-5 and was offered such a choice
and his price was the adoration of fanatical followers and
perhaps he accepted.

Anyway, I don't make such deals so don't worry about that
one.

In the end it might turn out that my only choice will be
to drop the body and try to fight my way through the between
lives area. And for the first time since this mess started,
I think that I would be fighting instead of seeking forgetfulness,
so there is a gain there.

But for now I plan to keep gnawing away at whatever the hell
has me trapped. The walls around me seem only about one percent
less from all of the above, but there is the idea that I might
be able to find out more.

Perhaps if I just make a tiny crack in this somewhere a 2D
will show up and I can proceed in peace instead of agony.

Enought for now,

Tekfinder

++++++++++++++++++++++++


04) JAN 21, 2000

Personal & Confidential - not toxic this time
(ok to publish after I'm gone)


EP OF SCARY PROCESS -

I got it. Where I'm trapping myself from.

In the beginning we each divided into ourselves and an
adversary.

Just as you are god, you are also the devil.

And as the devil you work to trap yourself.

God is love, the devil is hate (not temptation, not sex, not
greed, just plain hatred - and most especially hatred of self).

When you find it, have it "point to the being you divided
from."

Simple really.

The somatics and terrible losses all keyed out instantly (on
one "point to" command). I'm feeling a lot better.

I've felt like I was in a trap and something was holding
the doors closed.

Now its like I'm still in the trap but the doors are
unlocked and I just have to see which one I can go out
through.

All that 2D mess is not errased, but it is temporarily keyed
out and it is possible to operate in the area, at least for
the moment.

Maybe I can make a few postulates stick.

All is illusion but some illusions are better than others.


Best,

The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++

05) JAN 24, 2000

BAD NEWS

Personal & confidential

=========

Note the addition of (...) to the list (TF8 for short).

That's the girl who gave a couple of you some panicy calls
on Friday. She worries a bit too much. We have been talking
a lot on the phone, so she probably has a better feel for
how badly I've been spun in (I really don't like to dump
that shit on peoples lines and I bounce up and down in tone,
especially coming uptone while talking to friends). But
she doesn't allow for how methodically I tend to explore
alternatives before trying last resort type actions.

I also had sent her copies of the last few messages to you guys
about my personal case state that I sent to this group. She was
very worried about osa herself so I didn't want to give
you guys her email address before checking with her.

This is the one girl who called me up after I send post69
into the newsgroup. There is a fantastic degree of duplication
between us. - snip - Hence I remained in the trap I'm building
for myself, but the sympathetic phone calls have been a
lifesave.

Note that I trust her totally, but my judgement is completely
fucked right now and if osa had planted her on me as a
sort of mata hari, I would send them a thank you note.
Hence you should use your own judgement about saying anything
to her of your own affairs, and of course I am so paranoid
that I wouldn't even tell you guys things about each other
without asking permission first. So you can talk to her
about me without restraint but not about each other until
you make your own evaluation.

==========

As to last Friday, it was pretty bad and you will probably
be shocked.

If you recall, at the end of Thursday, I had hoped that I
had removed some block causing me to trap myself and
wondered if I could get some postulates to work in the 2D
area.

I was already feeling that I'd dropped below the point
where even getting a 2D would pull me out (too degraded,
starting to feel like I needed a nurse to make it all better
rather than an enthusiastic sex partner).

So on Friday (after assuring myself that TF8 couldn't
be lured in from ****), I decided to make one last try
at the humanoid world, perhaps taking a bit of a vacation
from all the scn struggles (not abandonment, but some time
off) and maybe seeing if I could, by postulate, pull in
some girl.

So I started hitting the cocktail lounges.

The end phenomena was getting arrested for drunk driving
and spending the night in jail. This is why TF8 couldn't
reach me until I got home Saturday afternoon.

So much for making postulates stick or operating in
the normal world.

Luckily it was a first offense (and there was no accident
or actual harm), and frankly I think I deserved the night
in jail and it really worked to sober me up (I have been
drinking a lot for the last few weeks) and I've decided
to swear off alcohol for awhile.

As far as that goes, it would be fine except that there
are further consequences in that

a) I will have to go to court in a few weeks and pay
a hundred dollar fine.

b) I will have to take one of those horror movie type
scare people classes (show you films of accidents to
make you afraid to do it again).

c) My drivers licence is suspended for a month (Instead
I am allowed a temporary licence that permits necessary
driving).

d) This ends up on my otherwise perfect driving record.

e) This is really bad PR if the org should get ahold of it.


I think that this is the first time in this lifetime that
I've ever had a withhold of something that I consider to
actually be an overt and which is also agreed upon as an
overt. (Obviously I'm not withholding from you guys, but
I feel withholdy about it in general).

Usually my withholds of things are situations where I am
not in agreement and so these are what you would call
social withholds.

Or else my real overts are things that others do not
consider to be overts (like times I followed bad org
policies and regretted it but others thought I was doing
good things).

Anyway, this mess brings lots of 3D / 4D charge in on
top of the existing 2D stuff.

==========

Case wise, I do think that I'm right in thinking that you
can only take one area so far before you start slipping
sideways into other areas that need to be handled at that
level before you can run deeper in the first area.

In other words, I probably took the 2D as deep as I could
run in back in December (up to post69.txt) and now I'm
sliding over into 3D and 4D charge. And unfortunately,
so much is still beyond the accessible band on the 2D
that I didn't get it deep enough to operate in the area
and therefore am pretty much up shitz creek on this subject.

Physically, I'm right on the edge of a nervous breakdown,
and the shakes are worse now that I've stopped drinking.
Note that the nervous shakes and extreme glandular reactions
started early in december before begining to drink, the
drinking was simply a way of suppressing that so that I
could talk to people, and, as such things usually go, it
is now worse after trying to suppress it. I do think that
the body is headed for a complete system wide breakdown.

Financially I'm still doing well, and gritted my teeth
and handled all my bill paying and admin cycles for the
month on Sunday. But when I'm in this kind of mood, I
really hate that stuff, its just more physical universe
enforced reality.

On the 3D, I have a heavy loss because there didn't turn
out to be a freezone in LA. I feel like I've been deluding
myself and only a few people were listening to all that
writing. Hopefully it will still serve its purpose, but
it might be a decade and I might not be around to see it.

On the 4D (which I think is society - what you are born
into rather than what you freely join and leave), I have
always been way out of agreement. The wild metaphysics
that my family believed in gave me a bit of a withhold
and out-agreement even before I got into scn. Now of course
the recent mess has really pushed that up to the limit,
basically I don't like humanity.

The 5D (cats) is still impinging on me heavily. Lots of
them still around ruining my space and blocking any effort
at trying to fix up the house. And Ann comes by daily and
sometimes she is in a bad mood and pushes buttons. It all
simply collapses my space.

And as far as 6D goes, I still can't levitate the damn
ashtray.

YZ6 pointed out that there were always professions like
trappers etc. that went without sex for long periods.

For me the entire nervous system goes to hell quickly.
I can see clearly that it began with the 6 lifetimes in
Tibet (died immediately on going there and twice again
in infancy and then 3 real lifetimes). Those are all
total sexual abstinance combined with inverting the 2D
flows into some sort of energy feedback.

All lifetimes since then (even female ones) have this
heavy energy flow on 2D. Prior to that it was much
lighter.

Right now, because I'm tending to invalidate all gains,
I'm wondering if all the real OT stuff (meaning overt
violation of physical laws rather than simple telepathy
or perception) was just some crazy sort of sex magic
with all this 2D related energy directed outwards.
Note that every physical laws type violation I've had
has heavy sex as well as wild OT keyouts both occuring
in the same time period.

I do worry that I'm not safe to be around right now and
that I'm dangerous to the freezone.

============

A few days ago YZ6 raised the question of psychic
attack from CofS.

On Sunday at lunch, a friend stopped by and warned me
of the same thing. The interesting thing is that he
is not a Scientologist, but is into psychic stuff. When
my identity came out, I mentioned to him that I had
pissed off the Scientologists and asked him to keep an
eye out incase anyone started asking questions about
me (we hang out in the same resturant, which is how I
know him, he believes in things like psychic attacks).

I haven't picked up anything, but getting it from two
disrelated sources at once is too much co-incidence.

I believe that such an attack can only hit your own case
buttons, but I still have pleanty. It could be a source
of repetative restim on areas that should have keyed out.

These are all definitely areas where I have extreme case
charge of my own, but the speed with which I have dropped
down scale exceeds anything I've previously experienced.
Last month I probably could have been dragged uptone
by simple high arc sex, but I think I've slipped below
that now (feel too degraded - would take hard work to
rebuild my own self image). I would have expected to
be in that band (where sex might work) for about six
months before sliding below it. A month is not feasible
in any sort of world.

I cannot believe that the SO or OSA has anyone capable
of doing such a thing except for a few very highly trained
OTs who would not do it. They lost too many powerful
people years ago and the ones who might still want to
do such a thing certainly lost all ability if they tried
to during the rebellions in the eighties.

But the idea of ameatures trying this is quite possible,
by which I mean half trained half assed public in OT
comittes trying to launch group postulates against
bad guys. That used to be done back in the sixties and
seventies.

So that is my best guess.

Anyway, I'm now using an old trick of mocking up mirror
shields to reflect back intentions. We'll see. I actually
started feeling good when I began doing that, but I've
felt good so many times for a few hours and then spun
in again that I have no confidence left.

============

As to an earlier question about issuing my stuff on CD
Roms, of course you can go ahead and do so.


Best,

The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++

(note that between this point and early June, TF8 and I
exchanged hundreds of love letters (emails) which I'm
not including here.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++


Personal & confidential


06) JAN 24, 2000

Psychic Attack -

=======

Old LRH tape references -

Hypnotize a young girl and send her over to take over the
prime minister of Buckwhupistan and soon you have him doing
crazy sex stuff and the government falls.

I'll have to dig for the exact references.

The main one was purged from the clearsound tapes and
restored in an fzba post (and it is accurate - I have
the reel). Might have been the HCL lectures or one of
the later 1952 tapes.

A lesser reference was not purged and is still in the
clearsound version - near the end of a tape in one of
the later ACCs, maybe 15th or 16th.

=======

My symptoms:

About like having a naked young girl constantly jumping
all over me. Mostly in the afternoons.

Also have continually felt like I was having the emotional
reactions of a weepy teenage girl.


=======

Bounced this around at lunch with - snip - . Both think
this is real. Did some running on it (coffee shop).
Got the following:

Gilman Hot Springs.

Two guys do the references in clay. Also hatted on hypnosis.
Not highly trained auditors.

They got a young 13 year old girl in the CMO to volenteer,
but without telling her what she was in for. She is hypnotized
during the sessions so she doesn't quite remember.

She sits in a chair. Wears an SO uniform. Her name is Amy.

They give her a date rape drug, which is a mild hypnotic.
Put her into a trance. Show her a photo of me. Tell her
to exteriorize and blanket me. They feel up her genitals
and have her put out heavy sexual flows and occasionally
say "you're degraded" and "you should kill yourself."

I'm getting her hormonal reactions. Hard to avoid getting
horribly turned on when some girl is messing around intimately
inside of your body. And of course all the 2D case I've been
posting is really my case, so I'm extremely easy to manipulate
on this basis.

This stuff has been hitting in waves, very distinct. Been going
on for almost 2 months now. Slowly driving me crazy sexually.
Since I don't consider sex to be an overt, I simply think that
I will kill myself if I don't get laid.

Yesterday I was mocking up mirror type shields to bounce back
intentions. Instead of the heavy sexual restim, I was getting
heavy grief. Theory - the first heavy sex wave bounces back
and she goes into terrible grief and then that second grief wave
hits me without reflecting back.

She is almost suicidal herself from doing these sessions.
The whole thing might blow up in their faces. I hope she
gets out instead of killing herself. Maybe she can be gotten
to contact her parents, who I believe are also sea org. Maybe
they will all blow and the scandal will trash the crowd at
Gilman.

========

Even knowing this I almost can't handle the effects. The
turn on is so strong that I can hardly reflect it (and my own
must have's kick in). Doing that right now, I feel such
terrible grief that I know I'm going to die from it (but this
is all copied from her).

Maybe she can be made to blanket the two guys so that they
screw each other. Then maybe the right targets get hit
instead of her.


=========

The above may be entirely dub-in.

We'll see.

ARC,

The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


Personal & confidential

07) JAN 24, 2000

Psychic - Sequal

I just got the intense sensation of being stabbed in the
stomach, then felt like I was loosing blood, then dizzy
and feeling like I was put on a stretcher.

Right around meal time Monday evening.

She may have stabbed herself in the stomach with a steak
knife.

Or maybe its all dub-in.

Somebody should keep an eye on ARS.

Note - if anything does happen to me, anything I said was
confidential can be posted, and needs to be passed on to
the next researcher.


Best,

The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


08) JAN 25, 2000


============

On the psychic attack:

I don't know if it was real in the physical universe. I checked
the newspapers and didn't see anything, but I still think that
it is highly possible that some young CMO girl did try to kill
herself last night.

Of course it could have been a reviv or something sideways of
this reality.

However, there was a permanent gain -

a) This feeling of being a weepy hysterical teenage girl, which
I can now see was permeating me since the beginning of December,
is totally gone. In retrospect, it was a very strong flow,
very noticably so in its current absence.

b) a persistant prodding to suicide seems to be gone.

c) The nervous shaking seems to have turned off (and note that
I had already been using vitamins etc. to no avail.)

Of course the huge mass of my own case remains and I am still
like a shell shock victim. But maybe now if I make a big gain
on something I might be able to enjoy the win instead of sliding
immediately into the next thing that needs to be run.

==============

CQ5 has made arrangements to fly out for a weekend a bit
less than 2 weeks from now. I really hate being so much
trouble for people.

==============

YZ6 has suggested a one year sabbatical.

This is, of course, smart, and I have been pretty much staying
away from ARS etc.

But if I were to just try to go off into the human world without
a 2D or anyone I felt I could talk too while I'm in my current
mood of feeling totally out of touch and out of agreement, it
would end up in a total spin.

As it is, I'm doing the only thing possible which is to use
up my good karma with you guys so as to have a few shoulders
to lean on.

Also, despite the fact that I make a high salary, I'm economically
trapped to the point where I have to keep working even though
my interest in almost everything and everybody has dropped to
near zero. So I need to stay connected and functioning and
keep my ethics in on at least providing enough exchange at work
to remain a valuable resource. That used to be really easy
(I like computers) but now my concentration is shot.

===========

So that's where its at for now.

Best,

The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

(I've included RL3 since our discussion over dinner last
night helped with this).


09) JAN 28, 2000

TECH NOTE ON STACKS

Temporarily confidential just because I'm in such a screwed up
state and I'm not sure if this is real or just dup-in. I'll
post an improved version eventually or you can post this one
if I disappear or something.


In general, CBR strikes me as spotting advanced stuff but getting
the details wrong and putting things way out of the correct
relative importance. But there is always something in the areas
he spotted and people make gains running his stuff.

Again and again I've seen him spot the same areas that I hit
independently. Things like monitors / control entities,
LTA / Reset time, Council of the Gods / Controlling Council,
and so forth.

So I've wondered about his "stacks" material.

When I did the detail run on the penalty universe "To Eat"
(Super Scio chapter 5), the items insisted on coming up in a
certain sequence which was not the sequence of the implant,
but they seemed to appear in life as if they were being delt
off of a deck of cards that had been shuffled at random.

Each item would discharge as it was spotted in its correct
place in the original penalty universe sequence and then the
next one would show up shortly.

The next item would dramatize in the physical universe if it
was not spotted. This includes being dramatized at me by
other people. This is the only time I've seen other people
push my own next item at me and it was very obvious and distinct.

The penalty universe key out rundown cools this down and lots
of folks have had good gains on it (RL3 ran it with
huge TA and has run it on others) but it doesn't really errase
this stuff, just keys it out for awhile.

I only did intense detail on the goal "to eat" and medium detail
on a few others. The rest were run by keyout rather than detail
item errasure (too many damn items - about ten thousand for each
of the 64 penalty universes). And actually, everything was
super fine for a year or two after doing that. I made lots of
research progress.

Four goals per dynamic with sixteen dynamics gives 64 stacks,
each with about ten thousand items shuffled at random.

These originate in the penalty universes of the home universe
era, but were used like decks of playing cards to set up the
current universe game. Each of us has 64 stacks, and there is
a top "card" showing on each stack.

This only "colors" the game and affects probability and
influences people and things around you. It is not a senior
monitoring factor but simply a bias. Your current PTPs,
overts, ARC breaks, physical doingness, and so forth actually
have much more input into the flux of reality. But the current
set of "cards" are of significance.

This is not your own case but influences your compulsive create.

Your own case affects what you do with these "cards" or "items".
Some are not restimulative to you or are enjoyable. Others
get not-ised or dramatized. It is still you who is operating
rather than the "cards" which are only suggestions.

You can blow one simply by spotting it in the original penalty
universe sequence (which is aligned by the tone scale). Or
you can run thousands of items in detail as I did on the goal
"to eat" and thereafter be capable of staying high up in the
pattern where the items are all wonderfull and highly asthetic.
Basically, after running enough of these on a goal, you can
move around at will in the pattern for that goal.

You can get stuck on an item or push your way through it
quickly.

I had one of the 4 penalty goals that form the 2D as "To Join",
but on checking this it doesn't seem to communicate well (because
it is joing with another in a 2D rather than joining the army
or something) so I corrected the goal to be "To Mate" which better
matches the original flow (which is not in english).


I assessed for my current stack items on 2D - They were

To Reproduce is to be alone

To Satisfy is to be frustrated

To Mate is to get in trouble

To Carefor is to Lose


The item "to mate is to get in trouble" is last week's big mess
up. Last month the item on that stack was "to mate is to die".

Last night I started pulling items off on "to mate" and putting
them in sequence and also tried to do some reshuffling of that
stack.

An hour after I went to sleep I woke up with an incredbile level
of energy discharges taking place. I have no idea whether or
not there was any relationship with the earlier processing.

Tonight I'll work over the other 3 goals.

The idea would be to get up to high toned items like "to satisfy
is to be exhilarated" and "to carefor is to be proud".

And of course you can be in or out of ARC with particular goals
and operate on one or suppress one or whatever. This is just
a hand that is delt and different people would play it different
ways.

But maybe if you are in a game of life and death where everybody
loses (anyone here who hasn't died in the last thousand years,
please raise your hands) the right action might be to learn how
to cheat well at cards and adjust the deck to your satisfaction.

This could all be just dub in. We'll see.


Best,

The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

10) JAN 28, 2000

TECH NOTE ON STACKS - ADDITION


Forgot to mention key data (this is why I shouldn't post
while dispersed) -

A few of you have run some of chapter 5 and know this, but
some haven't and it should be included with the previous
tech note.

To unstick the current card (or to handly penalty universes
safely under any circumstances), spot the top of the penalty
universe as is done in the keyout rundown.

Spot being pushed into the penalty universe & pushing another
in (bodiless beings blanketing each other) and the first
item which is "to (goal) is native state" which lays in the
idea that this is the reason you separated from static.

On "to carefor" for example, you'd spot "to carefor is native
state" and maybe also some of the Factors like items at the
top such as in the beginning, now and forever is the decision
and the decision is to carefor.

That should let you unstick some unpleasant item and maybe
shift to something pleasant like "to carefor is to be together".

Sorry,

Ken

++++++++++++++++++++++++

(At this point in time, someone for whom I had a great deal
of ARC flew out and spent the weekend with me. Note that
this was a one time bonding between allies and a rescue
operation rather than something which had a future 2D potential.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++


11) FEB 7, 2000

BETTER

============

Hi,

I'm a hundred percent better. Aside from that I'm not saying
anything about this last weekend (star rate XXX's email from
last week if you need to know why).

But I will say that the quantity of suppressed agony that came
off this weekend was an order of magnitude greater than I had
even imagined. Turns out that I was understating how bad things
were.

============

I don't plan to jump back to my previous operation level right
now. The last few months have been a torture session rather
than a break and I do need a vacation. I will maintain the
current level of comm (and perhaps an occasional post as needed)
and hopefully be cheerful rather than psychotic in my occasional
messages to you guys.

Also, I've got that 4D (society) mess-up from a few weeks ago
and that will be hanging over my head for another month or two
(too bad that I didn't manage to pull out of the 2D restim with
post69.txt - I could have sidestepped all the 4D charge that
followed).

Furthermore, I do need to be operating on the 2D. You might
say that at a deep level I've moved up from grief to fear -
I'm out of the pit but worried about falling back in again if
I just cheerfully go along ignoring the area. I do not survive
well alone. Right now I think that I can operate without sending
potential terminals running in the other direction, but I don't
know how long that will last.


Much ARC,

Ken

++++++++++++++++++++++++

(unfortunately the relief was only temporary. Based on previous
experience, I had expected to be in a normal state for about
six months and figured that I would run into a possible 2D
during that period and all would be well. Instead the physical
desperation was turning back on within about two weeks or so.
About ten times faster than I'd expected.)


++++++++++++++++++++++++

12) MAR 3, 2000

SUMMARY

Personal & Confidential (ok to publish after I'm gone)

Note that I've added BD9 (...) to this
list. I left him off previously because he was moving and
offline, but I consider him as trustworthy as the others on
this list. Note that this is a much more restricted list than
the one I used for my broadcast messages.

=====

To bring BD9 up to speed and also Itsa this a bit more, back
in December I went into a total spin on the 2D. The case
handling I managed then is written up in post69.txt and I did
get to a sort of EP.

In retrospect, a heavy suicidal impulse blew and my havingness
came up on sex. It did not, however, come up on having a
real 2D and I also remained PTS to Ann's coming around (feeding
cats etc.) and continually pushing buttons and making trouble.

And not having any 2D in sight (except a negative one), I
invalidated what gains I did make and spun in again within
a few days. Then when I tried to process the 2D area further,
I overran into 4D (society) charge and bogged down. Note
that 4D would not run properly, acting like running over
a PTP, because of the missed area of 2D-relationships.
So I had an overrun EP on 2D-sex, a bypassed area of
2D-relationships, and 4D charge suddenly going into heavy
restim due to overrunning into that area when it wasn't
really setup or runable.

So January was another bad month. Since I was almost bogged
processing wise, I was trying to handle by living life,
with the consideration that I couldn't just keep sitting
around totally alone and messing with my mind. That turned
out to be a mistake and near the end of the month I was
bar hopping and ended up getting arrested for drunk driving
and spent the night in jail.

In February things seemed to be getting better. First of
all, an angel of mercy flew into town and the heavy physical
PTP on the 2D-sex area got handled. Also things got a
little better with Ann and the level of cats and enmest
dropped noticably. And I started doing some cleaning and
fixup work on the house. Also RL3 showed up and began
expanding my comm lines a bit. Also TF8 has been in comm
with me and she is a potential 2D, but the barriers to our
actually getting together (she is in Europe) seem insurmountable.

In fact Flag even contacted me (without really knowing who
I am) and offered to apply my money on account to more
tapes, so I just received the 2nd ACC cassettes via UPS
from them. So there was even a tiny little helpfull flow
from the orgs.

======

That brings us up to March where everything is now getting
worse again.

The big horror was my court cycle which happened yesterday.
The drunk driving mess from Jan 21 turns out to be far
worse than I expected.

Unfortunately, I had a blackout in the incident. I've only
had this happen twice before, once at a staff party in 1967
and some objective processing brought me back, and once
about ten years ago when I'd only had one drink but with
a piece of chocklet cake and no recent protein. Since I've
drunk a lot more without blackouts, I can only assume that
there was also a low blood suger effect in combination with
the alcohol in the incident (I am a bit suseptible to low
blood sugar and normally can ignore that by making sure I
get enough protein).

Anyway, I found out yesterday that I'd hit somebody's
car in the parking lot during the incident. I don't even
know if this was only a bumper scratch or a big thing and
I'm waiting for a copy of the accident report. That gets
my insurance company involved as well and I have no idea
yet whether I'm going to have trouble from that quarter
too (the liability hearing on that is not until the
end of April).

Meanwhile, the criminal hearing is concluded and I got
sentenced to 15 days of community service (picking up
trash on the freeway on weekends) as well as a thousand
dollar fine (which I paid but my cash reserves are dwindling
fast) and six months of one evening a week in a driving
class and driving with a restricted licence.

Of course this is all terrible PR, for which I appologize,
but that's life. It also pins me down in LA for the next
six months, so scrub the idea of a trip to Europe.

For me it is one more miserable mest cycle, working in
LA's equivallent of the RPF, when I already have this
almost unconfrontable level of stuff needed to fix up the
house (if only the cats would get out of there).

And this is all just when I'm alone, miserable, and out
of ARC with everything anyway.

On top of that, Ann started really making trouble this
week. She ran up a ton of charges on joint credit cards
that I'm taking over as part of the divorce, and did so
on the justification that she decided I owed her more
money (without telling me). So I got her off of the
cards and got the cards themselves back from her and
I started insisting that she give me a quit claim on
the house in writing, and it looks like she will but
she wants a rider on it to give her until the end of
June to get all the cats out. And she is busy button
pushing whenever she comes over.

=========

I spent all day yesterday down at the court (after my
lawyer had told me it would be only a one hour cycle).
That was very restimulative of implants although nothing
really happened to me except being in a terribly restimulative
atmosphere. As a result, today I feel like I'm hung over
and I have heavy nervous system somatics turned on.

Interestingly enough, the nervous somatic is the same
one I turn on chronically after not having sex for half
a year. It was turned on continually in December and
January and happily has been gone for almost a month
now. I'm hoping that it cools down in a day or so since
I think it was just the momentary restim of being in
court. But it tells me that this somatic is really due
to implants in restim and the no-sex button is just a
major restimulator on it which puts it into chronic restim.

Note that other somatics I have associated with no-sex
(glandular system ones) did not turn on, only the nervous
system one.

I did try an assist on this a little while ago. It is
damn hard to process. Despite all the additional
implants I ran (super scio) beyond what the org runs,
I still have enough unhandled in the area to completely
overwhelm me.

One thing I spotted while trying to run it was that
I may have reverse implanted people long ago, by which
I mean using the society's implant machines to lay in
a backwards implant which would cause people to revolt
instead of being good citizens. In other words, solve
society implanting people one way by implanting them
the opposite way. It was a way to create a revolution
and overthrow the government. Foolish actually, it
just makes things worse, but I was doing it with a
vengance for awhile.

========

I am really feeling soured on everything right now.

I had zero predict on this latest impact, and zero
ability to postulate a better outcome despite the
fact that I was doing a bit better in February and
feeling like I was finally postulating better stuff
for myself. But the older cycle from January is now
back to haunt me and I will be suffering for this one
for months.

So much for the policy of just doing stuff freely
to help others without worrying about yourself. A
nice ideal but it leaves you with no reserves to deal
with anything.

But I should also say that I have recieved some help
during this rough period and what did come in has been
a total lifesave (I'm sure I'd be dead now without it),
its just that its a small backflow against a raging
torrent.

And this mess is certainly not due to CofS (as I mentioned,
I'm actually getting a faint helpfull flow from that
direction), and its not even due to something like
that monitor network (which has felt slightly biased
in my favor every since I started having them spot
how they themselves had parts of themselves down here
being controlled).

It's simply not an external influence. I notice that
its even hard for somebody to reach to me and give help.
So it really is me doing myself in at some level.

I only have two theories right now on the true source
of my current demise.

First is that putting out those books and materials
has triggered something very deep down in myself
which is designed to prevent us from doing that.

And second is one of the last things I was doing
before my collapse, which was to transcribe a set
of handwritten notes on the Staff Clearing lectures
of 1964. The R6 items they were dealing with in
early 1964 have nothing to do with the later stuff
that ended up in CC but have some heavy level of
charge which I see as clipping the edges of some
kind of implant or pattern on the subject of ARC
and the CDEI scale itself. I mentioned that a
bit in one of the last few archive posts, and I don't
think it is what is wrong, but this stuff is from
the time period when LRH went bad and maybe there is
something truely toxic in those lectures.

My guess would be the first one rather than the
second, but I thought I should mention both possibilities.

I have weathered out a few rough periods in my life,
but there was always a 2D and/or cash reserves to carry
me though a bad year and now there's nothing but to
try and hang on while I'm in a state where I don't
want to confront or do anything but have to keep at
it anyway.

========

I hope I haven't depressed you all too much. It is
a long road out and I never said I could take anybody
all the way or make it myself. I always saw myself
as a stepping stone, an intermediate stage of the
research where the final work would be done by yet
a third genius who could build on both myself and
Hubbard.

And once somebody makes it all the way, I think that
we all make it.

Hopefully I will still be around when that happens,
but I doubt that I'm going to be contributing much
to the effort in the near future.


ARC,

The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++

(note that the horrible nervous system somatic mentioned
above did turn off again a few days after the court visit.
It had been turned on steadily until I ran that psychic
attack thing and since then has been mostly turned off
except that it turns on again for a little while whenever
I have anything to do with the courts or even with the
DMV (Dept of Motor Vehicles).)

++++++++++++++++++++++++

13) MAR 4, 2000

TECH NOTE - Temporarily confidential

(incomplete work - will do it better if I ever get my head on
straight - but if not, then pass this on to the next researcher).

After mentioning that R6 implant stuff, I woke up with a bit
of an idea, so I though I should write it down.


CDEI Implant -

Probably during the Games universe (after Home universe, before
the Symbols universe and prior to CC, all GPMs, councils of
gods, normal implants etc.)

Later track stuff uses opposition patterns. Very early
track (home universe) uses simple decay scales.

This is in between, being a two terminal decay scale.

The flow itself decays from admiration down to opposition.
Oppose or solves type listing only gives you items at
the bottom of the pattern, which is where the R6 listing
of early 1964 screwed up.

Two terminals -

Self with items in the form of "Someone who ..."

And others with items in the form of "Those who ..."

For an item pair near the top of the pattern, you might
list for w/w would admire ...

The general pattern is CDEI but much more elaborate with
things like interest, too much of, etc.

The things that the pattern was implanted on are by decaying
admiration down to things like sex, fame, power, etc.

A being does not natively oppose or create his own opposition.

He does, however, admire and have affinity. This impulse
was decayed down into creating opponents.

Later implants, actual GPMs, and even patterns like CC which
assume opposition throughout the entire pattern are all
locks on this one which causes admiration to decay down
into opposition. Without this one, an oppose item would
not have anything to lock onto. Nobody is stupid enough
to do that just because they are told to by an implant.
It has to hook to something you do want to do and admiration
is a basic.

I barely have a glimpse of this one right now and I'm very
vague on how to run it or even list for items.

And I will probably have my head up my ass again at the
next slight breeze. But I didn't want to sit on this and
take a chance at forgetting it.


ARC,

The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


14) MAR 4, 2000

MISERABLE

Temporarily Confidential

Over lunch I was having the most wonderful high toned
suicidal impulse.

It might just be something triggered by that CDEI implant
(or something else intended to block research), so I'm
sticking around for a bit just in case.

But it felt like there was nothing which would pull me
back here and so I could just leave.

It was like considering blowing staff at the org when everything
had gone bad and there was nothing to stay for except misery
and yet I was feeling high toned and not seeing any need to keep
putting up with all the bullshit. And when I'd blow under those
circumstances, I usually did very well instead of keying in
(if you blow out of non-confronts, you run into trouble outside
as well). In other words, you can leave out the bottom or
out the top. Out the bottom you're pulled back in. Out the
top, you're not although you might go back eventually (but
it is free choice then - and don't be waiting for the second
coming, I went back on staff once after a super high toned
blow, but not the second time).

Boy I'd like to get out of this miserable place. Pull all
the way back up to the home universe level and have fun
mocking up stuff while waiting for people to dig themselves
out and come up and join me. I've probably planted enough
of a seed that folks will be out eventually.

Anyway, this is just idle chatter for now. But I may
regret not taking the opportunity while it was available.


Best,

The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++

(around this time I posted "super scio - A PERSONAL NOTE"
which can be found in post70.txt.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++


15) MAR 28, 2000

SUBPOENA

Temporarily Confidential

Have any of you recieved the following subpoena?

The post office left me a notice of a certified letter that
they tried to deliver and which had to be signed for. Of
course I'm not going to the post office to sign for it nor
will I be home for the mailman. I have no idea what the
letter is about, maybe something from Ann about her cats,
so I don't want the bother of recieving it. There is no
law that says you have to accept a certified letter, the
IRS (Internal Revenue Service) here has a standard policy
of refusing to sign for and recieve any certified letters
sent to them.

According to some legal stuff that Grady Ward posted, you
don't have to obey these things if it would make you travel
move than 100 miles, and Florida is 3000 miles from LA.

I'm wondering if they subpoenaed everyone whose name has
ever been mentioned in connection with LMT or with Minton.

I suspect that this effort will bog down badly and be a
terrible foot bullet.

Under other circumstances it might be a wonderful opportunity
to get stuff into the court records that is damaging to
OSA, but I don't feel up to playing those games right now.

Anybody have any further info?

========

Here is the Subpoena as posted to ARS.


> From: Deana Holmes <[email protected]>
> Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
> Subject: Scientology's We Want Everything and We Mean Everything Subpoena
> Date: Mon, 27 Mar 2000 21:54:46 -0700
> Message-ID: <[email protected]>

Subpoena Duces Tecum
The State of Florida

YOU ARE COMMANDED to appear at 4500 140th Ave North, Suite 101,
Clearwater, FL 33762, 727-539-7002 for testimony and for the
production of documents on April 27, 2000, at 10 am and to have with
you at that time and place the documents identified in Exhibit A
attached hereto.

It is the intent of this subpoena that each and every document and
thing in your care, custody, or control or available to you, no matter
how insignificant that item might appear to the party to whom this
subpoena is directed, be produced.

TO COMPLY WITH THIS SUBPOENA, YOU ARE TO PRODUCE EACH AND EVERY
DOCUMENT OR THING WHICH HAS EVER BEEN A PART OF YOUR FILES.

If any document or thing is not produced you are to identify that
document or thing by date, title, author, and recipient and identify
the person pursuant to whose instructions the Church of Scientology or
things were not produced by name, address and employer.

List of documents to be produced:

1. Any and all records in your possession , custody, or control
containing comm, including emails with any or each of the following
people:

Patricia Greenway
Ken Dandar
Dan Leipold
Robert S. Minton
Dell Liebreich
Liebrich family members
DAVID MINKOFF
Ray Emmons
BD9 Garko
Robert Vaughn Young.
Jesse Prince
Grady Ward
Keith Henson
Steve Hassan
Bill Zizic (Chicago)
Hana Whitfield
Richard Hoffmann
BD9 McClaughry
Mary Fitzpatrick
Ingrid Wagner
James Siegelman
Brian Haney
Kathy Skelton Little
Lee Skelton
Sam Davis
Paul Maser
Wayne Andrews
Bonita Porelano (sp?)
Mark Fabyianic
Lois Molandes
Roger Weller
Deneen Phillips
Peter Alexander
Duncan Pierce
Bob Peterson
Frank Oliver
Tim Walker
Joe Cisar
David Cecere
Steven Fishman
Gabe Cazares
Gerry Armstrong
Any Persons listed on the LMT flyer

2. All audio and video tapes of demonstations, or pickets of any
Church of Scientology organization (?) or member thereof.

3. All audio and video tapes relating to Lisa McPherson.

4. All audio and video tapes relating to Scientology.

5. All audio and video tape recordings of any building and
conversations outside any buildings believed by you to be owned by any
Church of Scientology organizations (?).

6. All audio and video tape recordings of any person believed by you
to be a Scientologist.

7. All audio and video tape recordings of any person believed by you
to be a FORMER Scientologist.

8. All audio and video tape recordings of statements of any officer,
director, employee or volunteer of the LMT, including each person
listed on the LMT promotional flier attached hereto.

9. All records relating to the purchase, lease or acquisistion or
attempted acquisition of property for the use of any person listed on
Exhibit A hereto or any other employee or volunteer of the LMT.

10. All financial records reflecting the reciept by you of funds from
Robert Minton, the LMT, Daniel Leipold, the firm of Leipold , Donohue
and Shipe, Ford Greene, Kennan Dandar, and the firm of Dandar and
Dandar.

11. All financial records reflecting the receipt by you of expense
funds or reimbursement for expenses from Robert Minton, the LMT,
Daniel Leipold, the firm of Leipold, Donohue and Shipe, Ford Greene,
Kennan Dandar and the firm of Dandar and Dandar.

12. Copies of any Scientology unpublished material in your possession.

13. All documents reflecting contacts and communications with the
media.

If you fail to appear as specified you may be in contempt of court.

You are subpoenaed by the attorney whose names appear on this subpoena
and unless excused from the subpoena by the attorneys of the court you
shall respond to this subpoena as directed.

March 26, 2000

/signed/
Kendrick L. Moxon
Moxon & Kobrin
3055 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 900
Los Angeles, CA 90010

The two law firms in NYC and the firm in Tampa that Scientology has
hired are also listed on this subpoena.

<end>

Deana M. Holmes
[email protected]

===============

Best,

The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++

16)

Tech Writeup On Evil Self

Apr 4, 2000

Temporarily Limited Distribution -
Just because this is very crude and needs rewriting which
I'm not up to right now.

Back around 2 weeks ago I ran something which shifted the
balance a bit.

I'm still on a rollercoaster, but now I'm up more days per
week than I'm down and I have had a few positive things
happen as well as negative ones. So the downward plunge
may have reversed although I am still in pretty poor condition.

I was getting various processing suggestions by email and
even some phone handling from various people. Most of it
was crude or hitting the wrong targets etc. but I don't
want to be complaining, people were trying to help and
its just that I already know and have tried most stuff.

Eventually, this guy KJ2 was running a process on
me over the phone to get off not-isness. He was having
me spot nothingnesses and then disconnect from them or
have them disconnect from me and I found that when I did
that a not-isness would lift and something would be revealed.

His theory was that something not-ised would look like a
nothingness. The command wording he used was not good,
because if you spotted true nothingness it would, of course,
not run. So I rephrased the command into "Spot a pretended
nothingness" and that runs like dynamite.

The upshot of it was that some monitors / control entities
came into view and then I spotted my own evil self on
the far side of the monitor network, arrangeing unpleasant
events for me.

It only keyed out during the session with KJ2, and later
I was trying my own various tricks on this thing including
"point to the being you divided from" as well as just about
every other technique useable on BTs or Monitors or whatever
and was still only getting keyouts with the thing showing
up again later.

Then I thought up the following command and it dissolved.
The command is -

"Spot being FORCED to separate"

This thing was formed after Home Universe but well prior
to the recent sequence of universes. It is older than
anything in the symbols universe (council of gods or
whatever) and may have been formed immediately after home
universe.

What seems to have happened is that we got the idea that
we each had goodness and evil in ourselves and that the
proper ethical thing to do was to divide into a good being
and an evil one and then lock the evil one away in some
sort of evil being's universe (a place sideways of the main
sequence of universes - maybe the same thing **** has talked
about) but of course that doesn't quite work, so this
evil twin then begins to operate against you. Also, the
monitor network (which formed much later) seems to lock
onto it and lets the evil self influence things to some
degree.

This might all be silly speculation, except that immediately
after it dissolved, one of the trouble areas that I had
disappeared and a few other things got a bit better. So
the above is at least half right.

Another interesting point is that as long as I was high
toned and doing well, neither the evil self nor the monitors
seemed able to affect me, but when my havingness etc. dropped
and I keyed in, then these other things began contributing
to the motion and making everything worse.

Imagine that you are going around in a nice business suit
and being very upstat. Generally the police etc. leave
you alone even though they exist. But if you suddenly
start going around like a homeless person, they begin to
make trouble for you.

Also note that I'm still alive despite evil self and monitors
etc. moving against me full force during the last few
months, so these are a lesser factor rather than a senior
one. Just one more piece of the puzzel.

This evil self might be Homer's Nemesis One.


Best,

The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


17) APR 5, 2000

Tech Writeup On Inval Rudiment


Temporarily Limited Distribution -
Just because this is very crude and needs rewriting which
I'm not up to right now.

Again, just to keep the idea from getting lost while I'm
fumbling around.

========

Inval Rudiment -

On heavy inval, the person non-confronts and so it generalizes.
Maybe a girl said she didn't like his hair and now he says all
girls think he's ugly.


1. What was invalidated.

Get specific.

2. Who invalidated that.

Again, get any generalities down to a specific. If there
seem to be many, pick one specifically.

3. When was that.

4. What did they do to invalidate that.

5. Why did you agree with it?

This last one is the key question.

If you have a basic, then he can undo the agreement. If
he can't, then there is an earlier similar that needs to
be run.

========

Best,

The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++

(At this point OSA put up the anti-pilot webpage and took
it down a few days later.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++


18) Apr 7, 2000

THE OSA ATTACK

Temporarily Confidential,

What crap.

Don't worry about a leak on this comm line. It is obvious
that they are using one of Ann's friends as a source of
information.

Specifically, there is the story of the leaking bathtub
faucet not getting fixed for months.

Because of the cats, Ann & I had endless delayed repair cycles
because of fear of getting reported to animal control. It
would take a major cleanup and hiding cats from view and
one of us staying home for the repairman to get anything
fixed, so minor things often got ignored for months.

The leaking bathtub is not a current story but an older one.
There are a number of these plumbing stories and the most
recent, which I only got done a few months ago (and
which I had mentioned to a few people because I was pleased
at finally getting the work done) was on the shower and
a leak under the kitchen sink.

So nobody here ever heard of the old leaking bathtub story
because it was not the current one. Only Ann or one of
her girlfriends would know this. But Ann would not say
anything about this kind of stuff to OSA because these
things were her withholds too. But she might well natter
to one of her girlfriends.

The whole thing sounds like alter-ised natter from Ann
to a girlfriend who then talked to OSA.

=====

Except, of course, for the DUI (driving under the influence)
business. This is obviously from public records. Furthermore,
it is older incomplete data.

There was a rediculous hit and run charge in the original
filing. I didn't even know about this. I'd simply gotten
a lawyer and let him handle and knew nothing until the
final sentencing in court in March.

The hit and run was because I tapped the bumper of a parked
car in the parking lot infront of the lounge at about
five miles an hour and then backed up to try and see what
had happened. The lawyer told me that he'd gotten that
charge dropped. But he wanted me contacting my insurance
company to provide a statement of responsibility in case
there was any lawsuit on this and it took me weeks to get
from him the name and phone number of the girl who owned
the car.

I called her up and she was very nice and it turned out
that the plastic cover of one of her tail lights had gotten
a crack in it. She'd been told to talk to her insurance
company, but when she did it was a big deal and she would
have to pay to fix it first and she decided not to bother,
and furthermore she wanted to avoid much attention because
her licence plate was out of date at the time of the
incident and she had her own withhold on that and wanted
to avoid any police attention herself. So she was going
to forget about the thing entirely. Since it was under
a hundred dollars to replace the plastic cover, I offered
to give her two hundred in exchange for a notorized
statement that all damages have been compensated for.
This gets me out of having to tell my insurance company
and maybe getting some trouble from them. This, by the
way, was the potentialy troublesome cycle (insurance
trouble) that evaporated (I called her right after running
that evil self thing I wrote you about).

The trouble with the above cycle is that although we
agreed by phone a few weeks ago, both her and I are very
busy and we haven't actually made the exchange of cash
and notorized statement yet, so I don't want to mention
this in public until I get it in my hands.

=====

So OSA has stale data from the original public records.
They probably just do a search occasionally on me, since
these things are easy to pull.

Note that Ann does not know about the DUI because she would
be needling me about it if she did. So I don't want to
talk to her right now about any of this because I don't
want to add to her arsenal of push buttons while she is
still coming around to feed the cats. And that cat feeding
is why I'm sure she didn't talk to OSA directly, because
a lot of the mess in the house can be blamed on her and
she wouldn't want to be pushing me to say so in public
(and I don't want to say anything about that right now
either until the divorce is finalized, because she could
make much more trouble for me).

So somebody else is covertly pumping her for information.
It is certainly one of her girlfriends, some of whom did
manage to poke their nose into the messed up house during
the cat days.

======

I can't recognize the pictures. There are a bunch of them
and I think that they are all at the same time and location.

They are very off color. Although my beard has smudges of
grey, my hair is still brown. Also the beard and hair are
messier than I let them get now, so it is from the days
when I wasn't worrying about the 2D. In other words, these
are old pictures not taken recently.

There is what looks like a white iron fence behind me.
It could be that the color is so off that it really is
the black iron fence around my pool. I think that one
of her girlfriends might have taken a few pictures of
me in the yard at one time or another. Or this could have
been taken in one of Ann's girlfriend's yards.

Anyway, it looks like in one there is a fence behind me and
in another there is a plant. It looks like my eyes are
closed or sleepy, but I think that it really is that I
was squinting in bright sunlight, which also scrunches up
my forehead.

All in all, they are terrible pictures, probably taken by
one of Ann's friends years ago who was probably trying to
figure out how to use a camera.

=======

I really should be talking about all this out in the open,
but I want to get that notorized statement, and I want to
get the divorce finalized without trouble, and I still have
no damn time and am not thinking clearly so for the moment
I'm just going to ignore this in public.

Later this year (after the divorce etc.) I'll say things
like the above publicly. In the meantime, anybody dumb
enough to get turned off to self clearing by such a bigoted
Osa webpage probably is not up to soloing anyway.

=======

Sorry about getting into such a mess.

Affinity,

The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


19) Apr 14, 2000

Temporarily Confidential

PROCESS

=======

I've added KJ2 to this list since he has done a few
phone sessions on me. Note that I was not telling him about
things which were not public knowledge (with his agreement
not to ask) so he was not a source for anything OSA put on
that nattering webpage. Now that the data is out, it would
seem ok to include him on these notes as to my current status.

However, as I have said before, just because I include somebody
here doesn't mean that they are safe for any of your own
confidential info. Right now all I am keeping secret is
details of the court cycles I'm in the middle of to keep OSA
from having an easy time of trying to make things worse.
As I mentioned before, I want some of this mess to be completed
and over with before I start talking publicly about it.

And I am only issuing tech info privately because I'm in
such a shaky condition and do not trust my writing or judgement
and don't want to put out half-assed things.

You all do have my permission to publish any of these "confidential"
correspondence if I die or disappear for a long time. Just don't
jump the gun.

======

As to YZ6's suggestion of posting a handling of the natter site,
I would say to drop it for now since the site is down. No sense
advertising it more. A good handling would require that I really
start talking again and I'm just not ready or up to it now.

======

Yet another crap cycle has started, which is the DMV (Dept of
Motor Vehicles) which makes its own judgement independent of
the courts and has decided to suspend my license (I still have
a little time before the order goes into effect) rather than
just restrict it as was ordered by the court. This makes life
really impossible in LA.

All this court stuff makes me feel like I'm being continually
implanted.

After blowing off that "evil self" that I told you about running,
a few bad cycles reversed and a few good things seemed to get
started (I have gotten a raise at work) but it did not stop the
continual appearance of new crap (the DMV cycle this week, the
natter site last week, etc.) so it was only a contributing factor
rather than a primary source.

=======

A super process -

Determine the two extremes on both sides of a condition, making
them into something (eg. a terminal) that can be mocked up.

Such as "ideal teeth" and "decayed teeth" for tooth trouble.

Alternate these two on the following -

1. mock it up
2. change its color
3. copy it out to infinity
4. compress the copies into a ball
5. Either throw it away or shove it into the body
(do a bunch of commands one way and then a bunch the other).

Use the same color for the ideal and decayed mockup and then
change colors on the next pair of command cycles. Favor white
slightly over other colors.

If pictures come up, continue with the process unless the
same picture repeats. If it repeats, run it as an incident.

This will bring up very burried almost out of reach incidents
that are almost inaccessible even on a clear. You will probably
have to run a good bit of "spot something in the incident"
alternated with "spot something in the room" before you can
even date/locate the incident.

Entities often turn up, but it is usually your incident as
well. If an entity does show up, have it scan through the
incident from its own viewpoint a few times and then handle
to blow and then check the incident for yourself (or the pc
if a dual session) again. Note that you often get monitors
type entities on this.

This has produced some fantastic results on somebody I was
running it on.

For me the results have been marginal because I'm running over
heavy out-ruds etc. But when I tried this on 2D, I found
the original thing that I started invalidating myself on in
relation to 2D. It happened to be when I started wearing
glasses just at puberty and I decided that the body was out
of my control (couldn't make the eyes work right) and was
unattractive etc. and made lots of bad postulates which I
later forgot (later I didn't think the glasses were a big
deal). So this will even run in a half asses manner on
somebody who is in bad shape.

======

Enough for now.

I'm quite depressed over this latest crapped up DMV cycle.

Affinity,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


20) APR 14, 2000

Temporarily Confidential

MORE INFO

=======

I'm very scatter brained right now, so I forgot some other
things I'd wanted to mention.

=======

The natter site concentrated on what a bad leader I'd make
rather than on squirreling. This was a surprise.

There have been some indications of secret support for
me in OSA. Example - somebody (in good standing) was
doing self clearing and a "friend" of theirs reported them
to OSA expecting OSA to do something about it and the
so called friend was told to leave it alone and forget
about it.

But obviously DM would be hot to have me hung and top level
OSA would be pushed to get me.

Trying to discredit me as a "leader" really sounds like DM
being really worried and noticing that there really was
pro-pilot sentiment amoung staff and screaming for something
to protect him from my making some kind of takeover or
power play within the orgs.

If somebody wants to point out publicly that the OSA natter
was strangly aimed at discrediting me as a leader instead
of screaming about my being a squirrel and start some kind
of discussion of this (without saying other things or
reminding people of DUIs etc.), it might be a good idea.

========

Note that KJ2 was the guy who ran me on that not-isness
process that I mentioned which brought that evil self
into close enough reach so that I could handle it eventually.

========

Still feeling glum.

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


21) Apr 14, 2000

RE YZ6'S R-FACTOR

Temporarily Confidential.


I just picked up YZ6's lastest message explaining a suggested
R-factor. This is better than the earlier one.


> Here is what I suggest. That I write an "R.Factor" on
> selfclearing-l and superscio-l (which will automatically
> go to act).

Since it does go into ACT, it is not just private discussion.

I would suggest dropping mention of the DUI so as not to stir
up further discussion on it. I'll talk later about it, assuming
that I get through all this ok. I'd rather talk from a position
of having handled things instead of moaning.

I would suggest not mentioning connections in High Places for
now.

I would suggest calling attention to the business of aiming
at how bad a leader I would be instead of aiming at what a
big squirrel I am. That keeps sounding more and more strange
every time I think of it. See my previous note about this.

Aside from this, his writeup is good and I have no objections
to his posting it.


> He first appeared on the scenes in 1997 in (MONTH PLEASE).

Super Scio was posted in FEB 1997.

> In MONTH PLEASE 1999 his (in the process of being estranged) wife

JUNE 1999.

Affinity,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

(around this time I posted "super scio - OSA - DIRTY TRICKS AND
FOOTBULLETS" which can be found in post70.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++


22) Apr 24, 2000

A MESSAGE FROM HELL

Temporarily Confidential

Since I've promised to keep you guys advised of anything out
PR and since I've also got some tech sepculations, I thought
I'd tell you about the latest unpleasant thing that's happened.


========

I had lots of tooth trouble back in the seventies and eighties
and lost quite a few teeth. Eventually I ran the penalty
universe on the goal "To Eat" and the tooth trouble stopped
dead in its tracks. Nothing grew back, but nothing got worse
either and its been stable for over a decade. So I've been
being very carefull of the area and leaving it alone and
getting no trouble from that direction.

Yesterday I lost a lower front tooth. Not much of a somatic
and not much trouble eating, but bad appearance wise. Luckily
its one of the lower ones and not too obvious.

Back in December I had the feeling that the body would age
and something would go wrong appearance wise if I didn't
get a 2D. Maybe that was just middle aged crazies charge,
but there was a now or never feeling about it.

The tooth had been a bit weakened and decayed from the bad
tooth times back in the eighties, so I've always been a little
carefull of it, but it gave no trouble.

A few weeks ago I got a bit of a somatic there in connection
with some 2D charge but it turned right off again and didn't
reoccur.

Then yesterday (Sunday), I got a phone session where we aimed
at my ARC breaks with the body, and specifically I spotted
the moment when the body needed glasses as the moment when
I went out of ARC with it and decided it was unattractive.
I'll talk further about that later. Anyway we took some
charge off and got a cog and I felt good about the session,
but we did clip the area of ARC breaks with the body and
postulates about the body being unattractive.

And then as I was finishing the phone call, Ann came in
(still feeding the last of the cats) and of course she
pushes buttons on me (but the conversation was halfway
amiable compared to how she gets sometimes) and I was
chewing on a potato chip and the tooth just fell out with
hardly any somatic at all.

The latest in the continuing series of impingments.

Also annoying was the city of LA which suddenly hit me
with a bill for almost a thousand dollars to pay for
the expense of arresting me for the drunk driving. Another
unexpected impact (30 days to pay, and yes I can handle
it but my cash reserves are dwindling to zero).

========

The incident I was running is worth analyzing. By moving
earlier and later we finally zeroed in on the moment when
my vision went bad. This was at age 12 while walking the
last stretch home from School around 5:15 PM on a friday
around 89th st and second ave in NY.

We then went through repetatively. I expected to find
something like a bloody car crash or something (but I
can remember and confront stuff like that) that I might
have decided I didn't want to see, but instead we found
space aliens and a UFO encounter along with a heavy eye
somatic and muscel pains around the chest and torso (which
turned on in PT and blew as we kept running).

Then we got past the aliens as being dubin and instead
got some kind of a sideways loop in time where I went
somewhere else and then that shifted to me from a point
exterior to this timetrack swapping identities to one
that would study more and learn things instead of being
phsically active so as to be better prepared for the
future. It was spotting that last intention which was
mine that gave a keyout and it seemed to be a good point
to bail out.

By the way, I was going to a gym in the evenings and
being very physically active when I suddenly began to
need glasses, and it was the fact that physical activity
had not prevented glasses which caused me to ARC break
heavily with gyms etc. and decide that all physical
fitness was bullshit. In other words, I started reading
a lot after I needed glasses rather than before. The
opposite of the old stereotype. I remember the last
year I was going to the gym, leaving my glasses in the
locker and being unable to see and pretty much losing
all the co-ordination I'd built up in the previous years.
I ended up very pissed at bodies, gyms, athletics, and
anything related to them.

=======

There has only been one other time I've turned on something
physical after flattening an incident to a cog with VGIs.

That was during OT preps when I was running an implant.
It errased properly (all standard tech phenomena in place)
and I was quite happy with it and I went home and my jaw
swelled up like a mellon. When I finally recovered and
got a repair, there were identical earlier implants (this
is when I found out that implants were repeated in runs
during lower level dianetics).

My assumption now is that we scanned over an actual implant
which has many earlier occurances during Sunday's session.

If I was running over a series of implant items, then
it is possible that an item having to do with Time gave
the later stuff of shifting around in time etc.

That leaves the UFO version as the one closest to what
might actually have happened in the incident, but I'm
not sold on those although I have a bunch of such incidents
which might have happened but I still do not trust.

======

I wanted to mention that I've had the apparancy of a good
errasure happening on dubbed in material quite a few times.

New speculative rule: A dubbed in incident will "errase"
if there is some slight real content (which can discharge
and produce a cog) and if the remaining content is so far
out of the accessible band that you don't get a clue of it.

My strongest example was when I tried to run incident 2
during dianetics (during OT setups) simply using the date
from the RJ67 tape and having not a clue about what was
actually being run on OT 3.

The real content was that "I couldn't be the pilot" and
a nuclear explosion and the dubin was a story line to
make sense of that, where I was a navagator and couldn't
be the pilot and fed a false course and we went into
a sun an blew up. This damn thing errased by the book
with standard R3R and gave no trouble or subsequent
somatics either and yet was ninty percent fabrication.

Usually this gives no trouble and you find out the real
story later.

======

Note that we were also handling fragmentation, entities,
etc. while running the incident on Sunday, and getting
good effects and some visible spectacular blows from
that, so any trouble was not due to the simpleminded
business of running an entity's incident as my own or
whatever.

======

I've run a number of these UFO encounters plus implants
before this and I don't trust the contents worth a damn
but they usually seem to errase.

They might be real or they might be dub-in for something
else.

Of course it could simply be the monitor network, but
generally I pick right up on implants coming in on those
kinds of lines and have no reason to dub in something else.
And that stuff doesn't seem very strong or effective.

As far as I'm concerned, there is still something about
all this (reality etc.) that we don't know.

=======

For the moment I seem to be ok although unhappy that there
is yet one more thing wrong.


Best,

The Pilot (aka Ken)


++++++++++++++++++++++++

23)

WHAT WORKED


Temporarily Confidential

Apr 26, 2000



Despite the fact that I am still in hell, my life is shit,
I am chronically horny, my finances are drained, and I
am burried under miserable court cycles, I realized last
night that I am doing orders of magnitude better than I
was back in December.

The amount of charge in restim back in December was so
high that I'm surprised that my brains didn't boil. I have
never been so badly keyed in in this lifetime and its a
wonder that I'm even alive now. And I could see that things
were getting worse at an alarming rate.

Now the charge levels are much lower and on the average
there is a slight positive motion in spite of continued
negative impacts.

Looking back, I can see dramatic changes in the level
of charge, so it seems like a good point to identify
which things had the greatest effect in pulling me through
this mess.

=====

There were three big things which overshadow everything
else, so I'll mention those first.

One was that somebody actually slept with me and that
created a one shot reduction in charge greater than any
processing action (first aid on a bleeding wound is
senior to any assist process). (also note that liking
and admiration were required, not just sex).

Another was running out my evil self as I described in
an earlier message. This was the most significant
processing action and put the brakes on the continual
downward slid.

And the third is the continual comm and long distance
handholding with TF8 who I think I'm in love with.

All three of these (and also some of the other helpfull
things mentioned below) were due to the help of others
and were only possible because I started talking.

In December I was so charged up and feeling so degraded
that it was impossible even to cry for help, especially
after so many people had made me into a bit of an icon.

If I'd been able to talk then, maybe I wouldn't have
gotten into the additional troubles of January, but
it was impossible until I got that big keyout on the
no-sex = suicide business that I wrote about in post69.txt.

And that keyout, which let me write post69, was the
next largest reduction in charge (after the 3 above)
and gave me a few clear days in which I could talk
before I started to spin further.

======

Besides the above, there were also quite a few lesser
actions which helped significantly.

One was a phone session from KJ2 that was handling
ARC breaks (and he also helped with getting to the
evil self). This reaffirms the idea that ARC break
handling is a primary target in any repair actions
to handle a case spin. It also tells me that we still
don't have enough basic processes for undercutting
ARC breaks and proofing somebody up against ARC breaks.

Another was doing some phone sessions on TF8 and on
KJ2. It definitely helped me to do some processing
on others.

Surprisingly enough, there was also a significant
reduction in the rate at which charge was keying in
when I spotted that crazy business about CofS doing
a telepathic sexual keyin with hypnotized girls aimed
at me until one of them attempted suicide. I still
consider that I might well have some kind of dubin
on what really happened, but there was a significant
case change on this, so something or other was happening
and was stopped.

I had two MEST work areas. One was cleaning the house
(which had been trashed by the cats) and the other was
the community service (heavy work clearing vegetation
on the LA freeways).

Despite people talking about the glories of Mest work,
the community service was not helpfull, except to
make the body a bit stronger phsyically.

The housecleaning early on when the cats were still
messing the areas up after cleaning was also useless.

But once the level of cats had dropped to the point
where an area could remain clean, actually fixing
up the space was a strong positive action.

So I now have the idea that MEST work is quite benificial
if and only if the work is actually increasing the person's
own space and havingness. In my case, work that reclaimed
parts of the house that had been "owned" by the cats
was of great benifit. Other Mest work was just more
misery.

Another thing that helped was an indirect effect of
one of the driving class lectures that I've had to
attend. This one was on stress reduction and mostly
didn't hit the mark, but none the less got me to notice
that I had been building up a heavy level of stress
and charge during the second half of last year before
the big 2D keyin. The stress was building on watching
my back and worrying about OSA moving against me (now
that they have finally moved, it is obvious that they
are no more trouble than a mosquito). Simply spotting
that undercut the charge to some degree.

Also helpfull was attending some of alchoholics
anonymous's higher power sessions (the court ordered
driving class also required sitting in on some AA
sessions). They get help by handing off troubles to a
"higher power" and they use "the god of your own
understanding" rather than any specific god such
as the Christian god. In fact some of them were
interpreting this higher power to be their own
higher self instead of an external creator and that
seemed to work for them.

So I concieved of being a fragment that had gone
through many levels of division from top level
static theta and handing off overwhelming areas
to bigger parts of myself (higher in the sequence
of divisions) for help until I should get big enough
to tackel them directly, and that did indeed seem
to help.

And RL3 helped by taking me around to some places
and introducing me to some people. Real world
terminals and havingness seem to be a significant
factor.

And of course there was the continual reduction in
the number of cats in the house.

So those were the things that worked.

Note that there was tons of other stuff that only
produced momentary keyouts. The most popular suggestion
was handling monitors, which I did a good bit of, but
this had little effect except that I needed to push
through a layer of monitors to reach the evil self
which did produce a major case change.

Maybe I'll actually get throught this in the next
few months.


Best,

Ken, aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


24) May 2, 2000

RESPONSE FROM BN1

=========

BN1 asked me to resent the following to all of you.

PS. Note that I didn't disconnect from Anon03, I asked her if
she was disconnecting from me. I don't like the idea of
disconnection either. I suppose I was making the point that
with a blanket disconnect, on whatever point, there is no
telling what comm lines you are cutting.

And of course right now I am swimming in BPC and not being my
usual amiable self.

Best,

Ken

========
- snip of included personal mail -

> ------Original Message------
> From: The [email protected]
> To:
> Sent: May 2, 2000 12:44:30 AM GMT
> Subject: Disconnection
>

> [ from your 28 Apr post to ACT that I just read.]
>
> > This is a formal disconnection from anyone who feels that a
> > quick shag from a Freezoner is love; or who feels that getting
> > fucked by everything that moves is some sort of...2D.
>
> Do I take this as a formal request from you to be removed
> from the CC line on my messages?
>
> Best,
>
> Ken, aka The Pilot

============

++++++++++++++++++++++++


25) May 2, 2000

NIGERIA

Temporarily Confidential


Just speculation and maybe an attempt to distract myself from
my chronic nerves/hornyness/inval etc.

=====

Let's say there is a world conspiracy (maybe just a big conspiracy
to make bucks rather than The World Conspiracy).

The Rockefeller - CxIxA connection is fairly well established.
So lets call it the RWC.

Let's say that they get control of Scn and make it reverse
vector into a cult control experiment and money machine.

Let's say that hundreds of millions of bucks flow from CofS
into conspiracy coffers every year and do so via Nigeria.

Recent rumors put both CofS and Bob Minton into covert ops
and money schemes in Nigeria.

So maybe Minton was part of the RWC and knew about money
flows through Nigeria etc. But he had a falling out with
the big bosses. And decided to skim one of their cash
cows.

So he sucks big bucks out of the CofS to RWC money flow as
it is passing through Nigeria.

The RWC doesn't blow him away because he knows too much and
has protection. Neither he nor they want the real RWC data
in the media.

But next RWC puts pressure on him. So he puts pressure on
their CofS cash cow, and is simultaneously trying to cover
his tracks in Nigeria and have leverage in case the thing
starts to surface. And so he appears on ARS and leading
pickets with no apparent reason for harrassing CofS.

Now the threads are beginning to unravel in Nigeria, and
he is braced to cover his own ops there with revelations
of CofS ops there and it all fits in nicely with LMT and
looks like CofS dead agenting.

======

Just an idle thought now that Nigeria is starting to show
up on ARS and in the media.

Best,

The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


Temporarily Confidential

26) May 3, 2000

SKYLARK -

I was the one who posted the following anonymous message to
ARS/ACT for "Skylark".

"Skylark" called me on the weekend. They get refunds from CofS
for people. They do well at this because they know the right
terminals at OSA INT and what buttons to push to get the money
paid out.

A few weeks ago, all the terminals they knew on the refund
line disappeared and there seemed to be a major shakeup in
OSA. Since then they have been getting the runaround and
can't even find out who is supposed to be wearing these hats
now even though it should not be secret information.

So they called me to see if I knew anything, and when I didn't,
they asked me to do them a favor and ask anonymously on the
newsgroup on their behalf. They don't want to attract too
much attention and they don't want to get sucked into the
stuff on ARS.

When we compared notes, it seemed like this happened just
before the nattering website etc. were aimed at me.

The idea that there might have been a purge (maybe of pro
reform or pilot supporters in osa) was my suggestion. It
at least seemed like a fun idea to stir the pot.

The anon message that I posted is below.

======

> Subject: INFO NEEDED ON REFUNDS AND THE OSA PURGE

Please Help -

Info Needed On Refunds And The OSA Purge.

There was a big shakeup at OSA about a month ago.

It may have been a massive purge with many heads rolling
but we do not have reliable information. If you know
anything about this, please post.

The old OSA terminals who handled refunds/repayments for
INT and US are gone and we do not know who has taken over
these posts. If you know, please advise. It would be
a big help.

This is being posted anonymously. We cannot be reached
by email.


Thank You,

Skylark

======

Best,

Ken, aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


27) May 4, 2000

ANSWERING YZ6 ON AIMS

> Dear Ken,
>
> Can you do me a favour?
>
> State or repeat to the group why you formed us into a group.
> What you had in mind.
>
> (It is a bit silly for me or any one else to state the purpose
> or aims, and a grouip uncertain of its purpose could, possible,
> in an extreme situation, get into internal wranglings)

This little list of folks consists of the people I was
willing to trust with all info on my case and current situation.

Initially, when I was spun in, I didn't want to just disappear
with nobody knowing what was going on. And I didn't want to
have a total withhold about my various troubles and outpoints.
If some future researcher tries to follow my tracks, they should
have access to everything about me, even bad stuff that I didn't
feel like mentioning in public while it was still going on.

I was quite reluctant to even mention the areas I was stuck
on personally in open comm on the newsgroup because it is
discouraging to people (you guys are more mature), so my
preferance would be to solve something first and then explain
how fucked up I was in the area and what worked to get me
through it. But if I never solve it and end up gone or dead
or just ranting, then descriptions of the areas where I failed
are essential for further analysis by future researchers. I
really wish we had such a leagacy from LRH as to what parts of
his case went bonkers.

And I'm still occasionally writing tech, which I don't trust
or feel is in a finished form, but which shouldn't be lost if
I sink out of sight.

So one major purpose is simply to be a repository of info in
the event that I don't make it. If it becomes necessary, then
let people know what happened rather than building up a fiction
as they did around Hubbard.

A second purpose was to be in close and continuous comm with
some trustworthy people just in case something did happen to
me (osa or whatever). In other words, to have some friends
who are keeping tabs on me.

And of course I consider you all my friends and am bolstered
up by you.

And I don't like having to tell the same story over and over,
so this way I can say something once and not have to repeat it
when I talk to one of you individually.

The earlier similar is that first bunch of folks that I
trusted with my real identity before it was revealed last
year (some of you were in that group). Again, it was to have
a few people who knew everything and also kept an eye on me
in case I disappeared.

Eventually (especially when I stopped keeping my identity
secret) that first list evolved into the broader list of people
that simply have private email comm with me and get notices
from me of pilot postings etc. I do not trust everything to
that broader group.

There are other people I trust (...), but you
are the ones who seemed the most interested and who I felt
the most friendly towards.

So it really is my personal list rather than the New Squirrel
Corp (NSC) or some other revolutionary movement.

========

YZ6 also asked if that Skylark posting got any useful
responses and the answer is that so far none of the responses
in either ARS or ACT have provided any useful additional
information.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


28) May 4, 2000

Temporarily Confidential just because I don't trust my
Itsa line yet.

TECH ON VACUMES

I'd previously noticed that I had a huge vacume created
by 2D losses which appeared when things went bad in December
(probably appeared a little earlier).

Separating from Ann exposed the vacume to view and allowed
it to start acting against me. After that my ability to
mockup lost 90 percent of its reality and havingness and
since then good things tend to hang out there as unrealized
potentials instead of actualizing and coming into reality.

I had little luck in trying to handle this by running out
losing Ann as a 2D. We had gone too far out of ARC during
the last few years and with the betrayal etc. I really
didn't want her back. And it was such a relief to have
the cats leaving my space. So there was not a big loss on
losing her.

But the vacume exposed was the cumulative loss of prior 2Ds.
And I realized that the workable handling for such losses
has been to substitute another 2D for the one loss and
thus suppress the charge on it.

Last night in a phone session, KJ2 worked with me to run
some charge off of this vacume. By taking the center point
of the vacume (as in the 1952 handling for hollow spots)
and inverting it, it was possible to get the vague impression
of the picture of the moment of loss that had gotten sucked
into it.

At first it couldn't even be dated, but eventually we manged
to get the incident in full. It was a huge and terrible
loss of a 2D when the planet "Elsinore" (?) was destroyed
(I talked about that destruction in post69.txt and a bit
more in a subsequent private message to this group in early
January).

This didn't actually errase the vacume, but it weakened its
pull. Afterwards, I was able to take more charge off of
the specific terminal lost by running the explosion assist
(mocking the person up in precise places and blowing them
up) and also to run some rememdy of have on 2Ds. Neither
of these had run properly in the 2D area prior to running
this incident of loss.

Probably there are other earlier losses also burried in
the vacume. Theoretically there should be a first loss
that formed it and which should dissolve it.

The effect of the vacume was to invalidate everything and
make mockups etc. thin and even to interfear with the
ability to actualize things in reality.

Whenever I had a 2D, the vacume was masked and did not
screw up life. Whenever I didn't have one, it was deadly.

Ron had all sorts of ideas on hollow spots / vacumes,
attributing them to implosions or running into super cooled
objects etc. All, I think, missed the mark.

They come from serious loss. It is not just an absense.
It is an inversion. You can have a car or not have a car
and it is no big deal. But if you continuously create an
absense of a car that was lost, it is like a negative
mockup and it tends to suck in cars, unmock them, and
invalidate them.

Instead of confronting the loss and moving on and perhaps
having another 2D eventually, one makes an inversion
mockup and carries it around as a vacume. Then one hides
the vacume with substitutes and becomes frantic about
ensuring the subsitution if a subsitute is unmocked.

In my near death experience, I had full out of body
consiousness because the body was still there. In my
experience with the body disappearing, there was no body
present and although there had been no impact, I got dumb
and forgetfull.

I suspect that there is a huge "loss vacume" which is masked
by having a body and which gets exposed when the body is
dropped. Assuming that it is worse than the one on 2D loss,
it would not be surprising if it was serious enough to drain
memory and pictures and the ability to mockup and one would
go frantic to mask the loss again by picking up another body.

There would be some point on the early track where one
made an inversion mockup on loseing a body instead of
confronting the loss and perpetually created a vacume on
it thereafter.

Things like between lives control mechanisms would simply
hook into the being's existing tendency to get overwhelmed
by a vacume he was already mocking up.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

Temporarily Confidential


29) May 5, 2000

NEWS, STATUS, AND VACUMES


The vacume processing is of major significance.

Yesterday, I got a bit of a shift in the real world equations (?)

A potential moved slightly towards actualization.

Specifically I was asked to (... personal business related
stuff snipped ...)

So I got a slight amount out of this vacume and my ability
to actualize a potential increased slightly.

I managed to solo another loss out of the vacume. These are
super hard to run but you can get through them. When you
invert the center to get the stuck picture, it seems like
it can't be dated or located or run at all. But you can
unstick it a bit by going a fraction earlier and running
through it to a fraction later until you get some motion in
the picture. And you can do alternate spotting of things in
the incident and in PT. Eventually you start to get the
feeling that you can vaguely date and locate the thing, and
then it will run properly.

As stuff comes out of this, heavy totally obscured areas of
track become visible. On the latest loss, I got the inversion
point of my previous actual GPM, "To be holy". The decision
to turn against that and do great evil was exactly at the
point of a huge 2D loss.

Heavy loss is probably THE WHY on actual GPM inversion.

But the Inval button is still kicking like crazy. Note how
easily I invaled the documentary prospect.

My impression is that any big loss serves as an Inval because
one couldn't prevent the loss. So even the most basic loss
would have inval on it at that time, and therefore it is likely
that inval runs earlier than loss does.

That makes sense anyway, because if one wasn't loaded with
inval, one would just mock lost things up again and therefore
suffer no losses.

Although these things were also loaded with overts, that
was only of minor significance. Ever since the Clear OT
cog, overts have tended to blow by inspection for me and
not been a serious case factor. That implies that if an
Inval grade had been done right to an advanced state (the
equivallent of clear OT on overts rather than the equivallent
of a simple grade 2 release), the inval factor would be
dropping out of this. So an easy solo bridge would require
running an inval grade first. The trouble is that although
I put together some handling for inval (I think it was self
clearing chapter 14A), it does not go anywhere near far
enough and I still need to think up some super handling for
that button.

When we were running the first loss, KJ2 was having me check
for fragments (pieces of self) and it seemed like a distractive
annonyance. The feeling was of having one's attention pulled
from something major to something minor. Note that I don't
usually feel that way about fragmentation handling, so I
think that the reaction was specific to the material.

This gave me the idea that the fragments were locks on the
losses rather than the other way around, and that makes
sense on the basis of the being putting out pieces of himself
to protect against loss.

This can then be twisted against him by later implants.
You threaten him with loss, he automatically starts putting
out fragments to defend against that, and then you implant
the fragments to work against him. Things like monitors are
built out of fragments and are a shallow late track phenomena.

There is also a heavy make wrong after the fact of loss.
Again we have a grade (grade 4) where we do not run deep
enough and I find make wrongs etc. running rampant in these
areas.

Right now I am still rollercoastering on the inval and the
absense of a 2D (despite the huge potential 2D with TF8,
but it is not yet manifest and things go unreal for me so
quickly). So I may be invalidating this whole business and
feeling no case gain in a day or two, but obviously I got my
head above the waves for a moment and something shifted, so I
felt that I had to write this up right away before it fades.

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


30) May 12, 2000

Temporarily Confidential

UPDATE

=======

I previously mentioned the OSA spy in my office.

At the end of last week I explained to Ann in detail that
if Scn is caught spying in a credit bureau, they will be
accused of trying to doctor credit reports or find out credit
info so as to milk their public of money and that it would be
one of the worst PR flaps imaginable.

Monday morning the guy who I thought was the plant phoned in
his resignation and will not be coming into work again.

Looks like I wasn't dubbing this one in.

=======

I am now analyzing my case situation as being PTS type III
with that defined as being PTS to a real world situation
so that all subjective gains are invalidated until there
is a change in the real world.

That makes processing extremely difficult. Big wins end up
invalidated within hours because life is still miserable and
the same as before. So all the processing ends up as latent
gains which may show up when life changes.

In this case I am pinning my hopes on the real world change
that is scheduled to occur when TF8 shows up here in June.
If things go well, that should handle the original type III
situation that I spun on in the first place.

The second type III situation which resulted from and layered
on top of the first was the court troubles, and that also
should come to an end (mostly) by the end of June if all
goes well.

There is also a type I situation with Ann since she is still
comming around to feed cats and push buttons. In general
I could always handle her well enough to avoid PTSness but
after the big collapse, my horsepower and certainty went out
the bottom, so I rollercoaster on her too. Note that this
highlights that PTSness or its absense is based on your own
ability and has nothing to do with being around "SPs" or
whatever.

Although disconnection would theoretically handle, the real
world situation is that Ann and I have to get disentangled
and that has taken almost a year now. But the end on this
is also in sight and the last of the cycles should again
be wrapping up in June.

It might be wishfull thinking, but I am targeting getting
back to normal by the 4th of July party this year.

Although one might expect that I'd be PTS to OSA and the
orgs, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I previously
mentioned that I seem to be immune on 3D buttons, but
in retrospect, I did have huge 3D charge back in the late
sixties but the area seems to have been run out. The last
dregs disappeared with that series of posts I did on the
Furies back in 1997.

But of course OSA could drive me PTS with 2D buttons (see
below).

Note that the PTS III effect (no percieved gain because all
subjective gains get invalidated) applies equally to the
phone sessions from Kaeli as it did to the solo self clearing
sessions I tried back in December, so at least it proves
that the problem was not inherent in solo specifically.
Also, a shadow of this condition existed briefly back in
the late 70s (up until Ann came out to LA and moved in with
me) and had the same PTS III effect on standard tech handling,
so it is not due to "squirreling" either.

Also note that "no percieved gain" doesn't really mean no
gain. The last time (late 70s), once I had a 2D in place
again, it was obvious that I'd made pleanty of gains previously.
It just seems like nothing changes as long as the stuck
PTS III condition remains unchanged.


========

The 2D psychic attack that OSA might be using against me (or
maybe this is just dub-in) seems to have started up again.

>From my earlier messages to you guys on this back around
Jan 24 -

> Old LRH tape references -
>
> Hypnotize a young girl and send her over to take over the
> prime minister of Buckwhupistan and soon you have him doing
> crazy sex stuff and the government falls.

I'm now thinking of this as a "Buckwhupistan attack" because
that made up country from the LRH quote sticks in my mind
and is the easiest thing to use to spot the tape references
(there are at least two, maybe three where he tells this
story).

As I've said, this might all be nothing more than dub-in,
but the sensations, which stopped with the girl's attempted
suicide back on Jan 24, started up again on Tuesday May 9th.

I looked at this during a phone session with KJ2 on Wednesday
night and seemed to spot the same kind of situation, with
two OSA goons hypnotizing a girl and trying to send her
(as a spirit) over to blanket me and hit me with various
waves etc.

>From session data, it seemed like they had abandoned this
kind of attack because the attempted suicide scared them,
but they just restarted this week using an older girl in
the hopes that she would be more stable.

KJ2 hit on the good trick of having me address the entity
that was getting control when she was hypnotized. It seemed
like this was a senior entity which normally mocks up her
dreams for her but obeys orders and gets fooled by the
hypnotizers into obeying their commands. It seemed like it
could be reasoned with and agreed to push her into full
sleep when they try to hypnotize her again and also to make
dreams of freedom etc. so that she will blow the org instead
of staying there for more of this.

We also scanned for the first time and found yet another
girl being used back in September. Since I wasn't yet keyed
in, this wave was just trivial and being ignored by me.
I tried to spot her on a theta level in PT and found her in
an institution and got a picture of her having run screaming
through the corridors at Gilman, but it might all have been
dub-in.

In any case, the heavy feeling of a painful implant wave
(which matches the feeling from January) seems to have turned
off since the session (just like it turned off in January),
but the heavy increase in sexual cravings that turned on
with the attack remain turned on (which was the case in
January too).

It would be really funny if anything ever turns up to confirm
this crazy mess. I would consider it impossible that they
would think to do such a thing except for the explicit LRH
tape references.

=======

While running stuff on loss, I realized that all loss must
contain an inval. There would at least be the invalidation
of not having prevented the loss and the invalidation of
not being able to undo it and get it back.

But invals are possible even when there isn't a loss, so
it is the more basic factor and should run earlier on the
track.

Another point on inval is that the degree of inval is a
function of the amount of significance you place on the
item. If you don't care about skiing and place no significance
on it, then it is not invalidating if you can't ski well.

=======

(... snipped some business related stuff here ...)

Looks like my postulates are sticking in some sort of
a twisted halfway form.


======

I'm still hanging on by a thread, but a bit better than
before and with the expectation that things get better
next month.

Best,

Ken

++++++++++++++++++++++++


Temporarily Confidential

31) May 15, 2000

COMMENTS

Hi everyone,

=====

RL3's response included -

> Glad to see you are doing better.

And I noticed that it bypassed charge.

Of course I don't feel that I'm doing better except in some
occasional moments when something has just keyed out. Suggestions
that I'm doing better get me to look around and I notice
how horrible everything is, so its not a good idea right
now.

And yet I did do that comparison between how I am now and
how I was in Decemeber and I am significantly improved.

What's happening is probably that I have 1000 units of charge
in the area but am only able to tolerate about 100 units.
So I only see 100 units of charge and the reset is out of
view and that is enough that I feel totally overwhelmed.
Then maybe 200 units of charge have been run out, so that
there are only 800 units left, but I still only see the
100 that are now in my face and I still feel totally
overwhelmed and as far as I'm concerned I have just as
much charge as before.

Of course the charge is a bit different than it used to
be. But I'm still burried.

=======

>From YZ6 -

> Pardon me, but I thought type III was a raving lunatic, and
> had to be given caring, restfull treatment, and possibly a
> large object, like a big stone, to look at for havingness,
> until s/he keyed out.

Yes, comparing me to how I was a year ago, I am a raving
lunatic and could use a lot of care and rest. As for the
large object, those are unreal right now but maybe a large
girl would work (joking - the right item would be an attractive
girl).

Both YZ6 and CQ5 pointed out that I'm redefining PTS type
III slightly, and that is true but I think that I'm correct.

As for not auditing over PTS III, the better statement would
be that one shouldn't expect any stable perception of gains
as long as the person is type III.

In theory, I think that I must be making significant "latent"
gains and that the water level in the pool is dropping, although
in practice I'm still underwater so I hardly care whether I'm
only ten feet underwater instead of twenty feet because I still
can't breath.

Such a situation is heartbreaking for the auditor as well as
the pc because all the gains seem to fade away as more charge
moves in to fill any areas that were freed up. You certainly
can't run an organization or sell services in situations where
the pc has no perception of gains.

The easier handling is to change the real world around the pc
and then go back and process the area so that he doesn't
spin in on it again.

I can attest that the one real world handling that was done
remains as a spark of light in an otherwise dark sea of
charge. E.G. a small spot of stability that doesn't roller
coaster.

And the thing that is giving me hope for the future and an
end to this mess is another real world change that I am
expecting in June.

Theoretically one might make it on processing alone, but it
could take years.

======

Another question of YZ6's -

> Next time you are on the air you could tell if there is any
> progress with getting Self Clearing published - my pessimistic
> guess is that you have not done anything more on it :-(

You are correct.

======

CQ5 said -

> As far as I understand, "PTS III" is a condition of restimulation
> so extreme that a person FALSELY perceives sources of suppression
> everywhere in the environment. It is a highly exaggerated state
> of spotting wrong targets.

I don't think that this is a correct why for the condition
although I do think that this often happens when one is PTS III.

In other words, it is not the act of percieving wrong sources
that causes the condition.

This is a practical definition in the specific case where one
is trying to do PTS type II S&Ds - asked for what is suppressing
him, the guy would have lots of wrong sources and the list
would not go to one right item. And I think that this would
happen if you tried a type II list on me right now, because it
would be asking me to spot wrong targets.

=====

CQ5 also mentioned Ethics.

Right now, keeping my ethics in for me means that I don't kill
myself and that I keep quiet on the net rather than ranting
about processing not working or whinning about the charge I'm
in. That actually is an ethics action because I'm using force
to keep myself from doing stuff which would have very bad
effects.

As for ethics conditions, that mess needs serious brilliant
work before it would be useable in a keyed in situation.

In an area where one can already operate fairly well, the
conditions offer helpfull suggestions.

======

Also from CQ5's message

> Like the journalist who is researching the scene of an
> attempted murder (my plot).

Such a story would be nice.

I can also think of lots of ways to do this in fiction.

The trouble is a docu-drama. For a murder mystery, you would
have to write about a real murder which did occur, only
fictionalizing the dramatization of the events and filling in
speculative things with good guesswork.

And there may be legal problems. It would be best to have
a willing character to orient around.

And it has to be a good dramatic story.

In practice, the easy and obvious ones that one could get
permission etc. on would be highly critical, Wollershiem,
for example, or things well proven and a matter of public
record such as the infiltration of the FBI. But I don't
want to do one of those.

Your murder idea would be excellent for something like the
old "Hart to Hart" or "Columbo" TV series with an established
detective and a murder that just happened to involve a
Scientologist. That would be a great vehicle for explaining
some things on the side. But I don't have the connections
for proposing something like that.

Hollywood is cheep and shallow and much is done by "pull"
instead of ability.

We'll see if I ever get anything done there past the proposal
stage.


======

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

Temporarily Confidential

32) May 25, 2000

PROCESSES

A few notes to hang on to.

======

First a wild experience.

On Tuesday I was very keyed in on the 2D area (by which I mean
sex/love/romance etc. rather than family, in case anybody hasn't
duplicated me yet). Hopefully I'll be out of this soon, but
right now I still hit the occasional super-charged up state.

Things got very wierd Tuesday night. I had to go to the driving
class and near the end of the day I actually got afraid of
going there in my keyed in state. I was so bad that I worried
least I get into some crazy situation where they might
recommend to put me on psych drugs and turn me into a
zombie.

So just before going to the class, I took everything, all
the charge and emotion and pictures and considerations, and
mentally wrapped them up into a big black ball and pushed
it into a building. I did this with a great deal of intention
and force and strong postulates just to have it all gone.
And I even started making the building feel what I'd been
feeling. And it worked. Everything was gone and it was quiet.

People have occasionally suggested that I just drop the area
or throw it away like that and I've had the idea that I could
do that but I've always been afraid to do so.

But this time I figured that I could just throw it away for
a few hours without throwing it away for good, and I was
quite worried of trouble, so I went ahead and did it.

But there were wierd side effects, which is why I think that
I always held back from totally letting go like that when
I was trying to run the area out.

To truely get rid of the emotional turmoil, I had to throw
all feeling away. The entire night I didn't care about
anything or anybody. You could have told me that my best
friend died and I would have simply acknowledged and placed
no significance on it. I didn't care if I ever talked to
anybody ever again.

So I was sort of emotionally numb and I also had this funny
dizzyness. But aside from that I actually felt reasonably
good. Nothing mattered at all. I honestly didn't care if
I lived or died but I wasn't suicidal because "why bother".

It was like I had gone to this strange place and would never
reach out again. I would never call anybody, I would never
email, and there was just zero intention to do anything.
But there was no charge, no makewrongs, no inval, no nothing.
All there was was an idle curiosity as to whether anybody
would bother reaching towards me (and only a 2D reach would
even be noticed) and a slight interest in looking at things.
I was a total spectator.

I didn't come out of it after 2 hours either. I was going
to sit there forever. If I'd done that back in December
before I'd started talking, you would never have heard from
me again (seriously - because nobody would have even known
that a 2D reach was needed and I would have ignored anything
else).

I did, however, watch TV as a spectator and continued to eat
etc. Just zero willingness to originate.

Eventually TF8 called me up and I snapped out of it with
a total reversal. But of course the charge came back along
with everything else.

I discussed this with friends over lunch. We came up with
an analogy of having a broken shoelace. You can throw away
the whole shoe without confronting any of the details. But
the real gain we want is to fix the shoelace and still have
shoes. So then you have to confront the details and learn
to thread the laces through the holes and tie knots and so
forth.

This leads to the thought that we are slectively unbundling
desirable and undesirable things so that we can throw the
undesirable part away without losing the desirable part.
And that gives an interesting process (run alternately) -

a) What about (area) would you keep?
b) What about (area) would you throw away?

This is almost like the old Trio process (fundamentals of
thought). But run on an area, like 2D or CofS or whatever.
If you fit a charged item into the command, it runs like
blazes, with answers just flying off like crazy.

========

More on Inval -

Consider a child learning to walk. He tries and falls over
and over again. This is invalidating. The fact of his
inability is a real world inval that will not go away until
he is successful.

You can't blow this by mocking up validation.

There is a slight gain possible by mocking up people admiring
the inability, but I haven't seen this work well enough to
turn on an ability and blow the inval on a heavy real world
situation.

Mockups of validation for doing it just collapse against
the real world fact that he can't do it.

And yet the little child has to keep getting up and trying
to walk rather than spinning on the inval.

What parents do is not so much validating him as encouraging
him.

That button will run in mockup form.

Mockup crowds of people encouraging you (and cheering you on
etc.) to succeed at the thing you are failing at. And mockup
encouraging others to succeed in the same way. Do this
especially while making attempts to push through the stops
and win at the area.

This runs well.

It does not substitute for real world wins. But the encouragement
helps make the wins possible.

It doesn't work just to sit there feeling invalidated.

========

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


33) May 26, 2000

(Note that I accidentally screwed up YZ6's email address on
yesterday's message, so don't use that address line for replys.
I'm resending that one to him now).


Temporarily Confidential

========

ABILITY SCALE

Based on yesterday's cog about mocking up encouragement to solve
the problems of a real world invalidation, I realized that there
must be a scale with Inval being below discourage. So I came
up with the following. Note that I have the feeling that this
scale is of tremendous importance.


Ability

Intention

Encourage/Discourage

Invalidation

Failure

Abandonment ("I don't want to lift the ashtry")

Suppression ("Nobody should lift the ashtray")


Note that intending to lift the ashtray is not the same as
actually lifting it. This is the difference between OT and
TR8.


=====

ANSWERING CQ5

(in response to yesterday's message)

> an enormous experience!!!
>
> I have done similar things in a less dramatic form but for a much
> longer time, during my first two marriages which both had times
> which seemed to be unbearable.
>
> I pushed all the existing unbearable charge out of my space and
> simply refused to feel like expected, or like anybody else might feel.
> I went through it as a pure viewpoint. I had the awareness that
> I was living through an incident, and the better I looked at it
> and the less I built up protest, the less harm it would do to me
> and my case.
>
> Later I pulled exactly these things back in for inspection and
> handling which had an actual chance to get handled. This worked
> well, and brought me to quite a good position in present time.

Yes, this is the right way.

The trouble with me was that the charged up area had threads
running through everything and tossing it does not leave enough
for me to live in this world. I've done this with other things
occasionally and it is a workable tech, but for me right now,
the sex/love/2D area seems to permeate everything and so everything
goes with it if I toss it.

This is probably a phenomena of how much charge has been grouped
together and interlocked. One of the big things we do in
processing is to separate a big ball of charge into individual
components that can be delt with as separate things.

It was still a wild experience, but not one which I would dare
to repeat.

> I am so happy that you have something to look forward to. I would
> like to add that I got several inquiries about what people could
> do for you. Many want to contribute. Maybe you want to send a kind
> of FAQ to the newsgroups, answering this question?

Right now my personal needs are still too out PR. And I'm
still too far gone to be considering things that would help
others on a broader scale. We'll see how it is next month.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


34) June 2, 2000

Temporarily Confidential

INTERFEARANCE PATTERN

Well, I am still surviving.

The up periods are longer and the crashed ones shorter, I suspect
because TF8 is due to show up in a little over a week. We'll
see what happens then.

The sessions from KJ2 have, I suspect, altered the potentials
for what happens when I come out of the spin but don't seem to
be able to affect the spin cycle itself. Sometimes I am at a
low point and I just tear him apart, other times I am up and
we get some work done, but right now everything for me is swinging
on needing changes in the real world, which is a bitch to try
and audit over.

And that brings me to the tech point, which is that gradient
scales work sometimes but not always. In a spin like this, one
is shifting between states and it is impossible to measure
gradient progress. So you can't really figure what the hell is
going on and can't even be sure what worked and what didn't.
But in the more normal case, things do change on a gradient
rather than a flip flop.

Both types of situations exist in the real world. This means
that you have to determine whether gradients or flip-flops
apply on an individual basis, not only to cases but to everything.

In other words, both infinity-valued (gradient) logic and
Aristolean Yes/No absolute logic are sometimes correct and
you have to apply one or the other on a selective basis.

A light switch is on or off, but you can increase/decrease
voltage, current, etc. on a gradient.

Or perhaps you have a mix, where you increase the voltage, but
nothing seems to happen until an on/off switch is turned on,
but if it is turned on, you get more electrical power than before.

This also lead to a discussion of quantum mechanics over lunch.

In the famous double slit experiment, if you have only one slit
open you get a gradient scale image, light in the center and
tapering off into darkness as you move away from the center
point. But if you have two slits open, you get an interfearance
pattern of light and dark bands.

The current rollercoaster is like moving across light and
dark bands. Note that the state changes are extreme, not
gradient. It is not that one is gradually cheering up or
getting depressed, it is a sudden shift from one to the other
without much gradient at all.

It makes me wonder if the significant change for me casewise
is that an interfearance source was exposed and now I am
living in an interfearance pattern instead of on a gradient.

But if we go back to quantum again, we also have the datum
that a photon can only interfear with itself.

Interesting.

Best,

The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


35) June 20, 2000

Temporarily Confidential

GETTING WORSE


I can hardly talk about it, but it always seems better to
communicate rather than to remain silent, so I'm forcing
myself to write anyway.

With tremendous difficulty, TF8 finally managed to get here
a bit over a week ago. Being afraid of flying, she had spent
a week at sea and another week driving across the US along
with her business partner "AV" (who is not a 2D item). They
even picked up my sister in New York for the cross
country drive.

On Sunday night, June 11, TF8 arrived at my house, dropped
off my sister, and immediately fled in horror to the far side
of LA.

I was already suffering from heavy loss and inval. Now its
worse by an order of magnitude.

My sister has been trying to process me through it. She's an
old class 8 and was Ron's Qual Sec on the Apollo (she should
not be mentioned on the newsgroup). She has a top notch
knowledge of standard tech plus has worked extensively with
my own materials and is knowledgeable on 1950s tech and
freezone stuff. Definitely the best handling I've had so
far, but I'm still rollercoastering just as badly and
invalidating all gains, yet again proving that it was not
the fact of processing solo or not doing standard tech which
caused the trouble.

I'm also trying stuff on my own. Last night I was putting all
this 2D charge into clouds above Los Angeles. Unfortunately,
my GPM pattern has the goal to be strong as opposing the
goal to be intelligent (which is my item) and so I see the
strong athletic types as getting all the girls (and then
throwing them away). The end product of putting all that
charge over the city was that a riot broke out at the LA
Lakers game (not a normal occurance). Not a big deal, only
a few police cars overturned etc. (I have really disliked
police since the court cycle). It was probably just a
coincidence that the riot started right after I did the
process.

Right now I'm pretty much at a loss for words.

Best,

Ken


++++++++++++++++++++++++


(Note that I've added SA3, who wrote the (...) which
is on the net, to this list. I have lunch with SA3 occasionally
and he is up on what is going on, so it seems appropriate to add
him to the list to save having to repeat things I say here).

(I'm also including TF8 although she is not online right now while
she is here in the US. To be fair I'm letting this go to her
mailbox since I'm talking about her here).


36) June 21, 2000

Temporarily Confidential

MORE ON GETTING WORSE

======

I was asked for more details on the meeting with TF8.

I had no prediction on when they would arrive, except that it
would be sometime in the evening. As it turns out, it was
around 9PM. The first thing that happened was that I got
a sudden urge to look outside. This must have been when they
turned into my street, because once I was out in front of the
house, there they were (I could not have heard them at the
point when I felt the urge to go out). This was the last
moment at which I had that sort of telepathic resonance with
TF8 which had remained present for all these months.

My sister says that whenever I get around TF8, a sort of
transformation takes place. She says I hunch over and dark
flows start to come out and the impression is of Quasi Moto.
TF8 thought that I looked like a wearwolf that first time.
My sister says that when I'm not around TF8 I'm quite good looking.

I do have outpoints on appearance, but TF8 was carefully warned
about everything in advance and I was working hard at looking
good so that I was looking much better than I was at times when
some of you have seen me. I was showering twice a day for the
entire week before they arrived. Long hot showers with the
intention of getting out residual cat smells and smoke smells
and ingrained dirt and the remnant effects of all that
community service digging in the dirt (which also, as a plus,
gave me a bit more color and muscular stature), and also doing
multiple trimmings of the beard and nails etc. to get everything
very neat and short.

We'd also had agreements about her being able to alter my
appearance to her tastes. She'd seen my picture with the
beard and there it was much longer than it was on our meeting,
and because of that first meeting I immediately shaved it off
and it was gone on our second meeting.

I'm also using the lighter better looking pair of glasses
instead of the comfortable ones which some of you have seen
me in. And again I had already had an agreement with TF8
that when she came we would go together and pick out a new
pair which would be to her liking.

And she knew about the bad teeth and that we would do something
about that eventually.

And of course the house is terrible but she was warned and
had agreed. And now with my sister helping it is coming up on
a faster gradient.

When we meet, my sister says that TF8 also seems to go through
a transformation but not as drastic. TF8 still looks good
to me (although my sister, who was with her for a week traveling
cross country, says that TF8 looks much worse when she is with
me) but there is a terrible coldness and I cannot find the
being that I've been talking to on the phone.

Anyway, she stepped into the house for a moment and immediately
fled outside. Our few subsequent meetings have also been
outside in the dark. Although I had shaved off the beard
for the second meeting, she has never really seen me with
it off in the light, and my impression is that she is
reluctant to see me with it off because she might want
me more and is terrified of that.

Everything from her seems like shore stories to justify
irrational panic attacks when she gets around me. And I
get into a state where I can't think or figure anything
out or handle when I am around her. And note that she has
been married twice and we have talked about everything under
the sun, so it is not a virginal fear, but it sure looks
like it.

And we have been talking on the phone, and we are both as
addicted to that as we were before (she was calling me
nightly from the motels during the week long cross country
drive, etc.). But mention of 2D brings comments about how
unreal 2D is and how she has disconnected from 2D for this
lifetime.

The last time I went to a dance club with J (the movie
producer), I was certain of TF8's arrival and that we
would start sleeping together and so I had no real need
to pickup any of the girls at the club, and in that one
case, there were quite a few hanging around me and flirting,
and note that it was before my recent improvments in appearance,
so my perception of this bouncing-away flow is correct.
I'm sure that if I'd actually wanted any of them, the crazy
flow would have turned on and they would have run in the
other direction. Whatever it is turns on twice as hard
with TF8 because I want her so much.

I had lunch with SA3 today and his analysis is that it is
the GEs which are causing the trouble. He points out that
although girls often go with ugly guys, it is not intellectual
attraction but GE response which makes that happen. I
think that my GE is putting out a sacrificed-to flow and
from our case similarities, I suspect that TF8's GE is
doing the same (she might actually be protecting me from
her GE at some gut level - rediculous of course, but quite
real when one is being swamped by the body and incable of
thinking clearly as I am when I am around her).

I have an appointment to get together with SA3 on Friday
night for him to try some GE handling. Hopefully on
Saturday I'll have lunch with TF8 and we'll see what
happens. Obviously I'm still stuck on her although I
might have to give up and try for some gradient 2D that
will not be up to acting as a partner in the fight but
might get me through the immediate horror.

For Sunday I have to do community service, and then a
driving class Tuesday night and then a week from Thrusday
I have my court appearance which scares the hell out of
me because I haven't finished the community service and
will need an extension. I had really hoped to have a
2D going before that because the keyins and impingment
are terrible for me, it stirs up all the old sentencing
to implants etc. and I am afraid that I will pull in
something really bad unless I have flipped out of this
negative state before then.

During that year when the research went bad and I was
stuck and very keyed in, Ann was with me and got me through
it. Even though she is an orthodox Scn fanatic and quite a
keyin in many respects, she did not object to me going solo
on my own but only started having considerations when I was
talking to others. And she is the sort to provide support
when somebody is down, and held things together around me
when I was so keyed in. So the rough year only had the
one solid and charged up area keyed in and the keyin did
not spread to the rest of my life. At the end I got the
"point to the being you divided from" process and the
research opened back up and I was able to write the
Super Scio book and also to get back to doing fantastically
in life. All thanks to Ann who does not even like the
freezone but was willing to be a 2D for me in those days.
Now, unfortunately, the bad keyin is spreading from one
area of my life to another. This is the real message,
which is that I cannot risk trying research on the mind
without a 2D to hold the environment stable around me in
the rare cases where I make a goof and get badly spun in.

The weekend after this is the 4th of July freezone party
at Valerie's up here in the valley and I'd promised to
attend a long time ago when I'd expected to be out of
this mess. I'm also worried about going there and just
blowing everybody away with dramatizations and charge and
maybe drooling over any females assuming that there even
are any.

I'm still rollercoastering in the extreme and I'm right
around death at the bottom of the swing and there is not
really any time when I feel good or keyed out, just total
misery and keyin.

So that is where I am at right now.

And, to answer a question of YZ6's, my sister is not currently
on staff and she is not orthodox although she is theoretically
still in good standing. She left the Sea Org long ago. She
had an IQ of 165 the last time she took a proper non-Scn IQ
test and when Ron disappeared from the lines they RPFed her
and got her out of power. Ironically, she is the one who
recruited Davey Miscavage into the Sea Org.


Best,

Ken

++++++++++++++++++++++++

(At this point I posted "super scio - ANNIVERSARY POST"
and archive file post70 to the newsgroup.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++


37) June 28, 2000

Temporarily Confidential


OT BREAKTHROUGH

I have to warn you, as always during this enturbulated period,
that I might just be dubing in or spouting bullshit. But this
might be it, the big one, which shows the way to true manipulation
of the real world. It is still untested, but is worth writing
up because it might be half right even if it fails. But we will
see over the next few days whether or not I can use this to
change everything around me. If so, then I have ensured that
there will be no way for me to keep the data secret nor will
anybody be able to close the door and hide it again because I
will already have told you in advance.

---------

We are divided into three selves. These are a higher self,
the conscious or middle self, and the lower self.

Only the middle self thinks in a truely conscious manner. The
others, both high and low, think on a passive basis where they
can execute or bring about things and where there is reactive
thought but no conscious awareness.

The division was done at the start of what I call the symbols
universe. It is prior to what Capt Bill calls the council of
the Gods and is earlier and more basic than almost anything he
talks about. But his stuff tends to be in the late symbols
universe era where the lower universes were being built and
so he gives a decent roadmap of what happened immediately
after the things I will talk about here. In other words,
things like the monitor network are below this.

Almost all references to gods, including gods at the symbols
universe level and ones like the pilot of old who I think I'm
a fragment of are middle-self type gods who are not the
complete super beings of the home universe era. In other
words, we are talking anthropromorphic gods with emotions
etc. and these are fragmentary gods rather than a complete
superbeing.

The lower self is the one that interacts with the body and
physical universe reality directly. We only think about
reality, but it manifests reality. And like that old scifi
story by Alfred Bester ("Oddy and Id"), the OT manifestations
are in the uncouncious lower self out of our control rather
than in the relm of awareness.

The lower self is "you", but is a walled off "you". It is
not some other being implanted on you. It is just a place
where you put a lot of impulses and abilities that you no
longer wanted any responsibility for.

What happened is that we pushed things off into two sides,
a higher one and a lower one, and what we have left is what
remained in the middle. If it had been a simple two sided
thing such as occurs in GPMs, we would have flip-flopped.
But a center with two balancing sides is stable and so we
remain at the mid-point forever until the whole package is
undone.

In other words, we did things like divide on body/spirit
and push "body" into the lower self and "spirit" into the
higher self. There will probably be a series of items that
can be listed for on this, but it seems a bit out gradient
for me to try and get them right now.

The lower self might actually be though of as a sort of
"animal mind" (shades of BD9 Mourier) and that might be
why MM occasionally gets a little bit of charge off with
his animal mind tech, but of course he is only scraping
scum off of the edges and the idea that you could really
handle such a thing by counting is pretty silly, as was
illustrated by EX1's humorous illistration of fixing
computers by counting MIPs or Megabytes.

But I did try a handling of simply spotting myself being
made into an "animal mind" and immediately refined that
into spotting being made into both an "animal mind" and
a "higher self" and got a little bit of charge off. And
I tried "point to the being you divided from" and got off
a bit more. And that did help in getting the data that
I'm writing up here. But processes like that, although
they are worth running, will not actually dissolve the
split because none of us would let such a thing go unless
we had completely regained control over the areas that
were split off. And that means confronting the case that
lies on the boundary.

And you can't get out of here as long as you are split that
way because the lower self as it is now can only exist in
physical reality and you will not leave that part of yourself
behind without reclaiming it.

The big case dividing off the lower self is the emotional
bank. In going clear we only handle force (engrams) and
not loss (emotion). It is a major miss in the tech.

The emotional bank is not like the engram bank. It does
have time in it. It does not instant read. It reads with
a slight comm lag. That is why we tended to miss the
incidents in normal Scn handling. All the emotional
manifestations and pull ins have slight delays associated
with them (getting sick 24 hours after a loss, etc.) The
engrams have the "analyzer" completely out of the circuit
and so there is no time and the reactions are instant. The
emotions are halfway between and so there is time in them.

If you are familiar with e-meter drills like "consider the
events of today" or have looked a lot at latent reads,
you will notice that there are many trivial reads which
represent random though but that there are also occasional
very big and clean normal falls etc. in the latent read
pattern. The big clean latents are the emotional bank
reacting on a slight comm lag. We have almost entirely
missed it in auditing.

Last Sunday morning I got very pissed off briefly and then
slid from there into a total null or dead zone state.
It was a sort of spiritual apathy, but had a useful logic
behind it. I could see that almost every postulate I was
making was going into a negative inverted state where it
brought about undesirable things. This would seem to be
because I would rollercoaster fast enough to put a negative
charge on the postulate before it could manifest in its
original positive form. In other words, all my efforts were
just feeding energy out there which would come back and
wack me in a day or two.

So the solution was to postulate nothing at all and not
try to do anything or handle anything. And since I'm fairly
skilled at comm etc., it was possible to put up enough of
a facade of a living being that people would not notice
that I had disappeared into apathy over to the side somewhere.

The idea was that if I pulled out of the equation, then
others who wished me well might actually get something
helpfull done and I'd end up being rescued. That doesn't
work if nobody is trying to help, but it is a good idea if
you are drowning and there is a lifeguard trying to rescue
you.

I managed to hold that attitude for two days until Tuesday
afternoon, but it was too restimulative of the passive
Tibetan handlings that I'd had a thousand years ago and it
aggrivated the agonies of the lower self. Specifically it
reached a point where suddenly something down in my gut
started screaming and I knew that it wasn't anything I'd
done consciously and I had no pictures keyed in (in the middle
self) at that time. But it screamed continously and finally
after about two hours I gave up on holding a null point and
began to dig into this lower self stuff.

On the surface the agony was simple sexual need, but looking
just a trifle further, it was all the agonies of starvation
and cold and lack of sleep and anything else the body could
suffer on and what had happened was that the endless Tibetan
denials (cold, no food, etc.) had made a big bundled composite
of everything into one big agony that any of the physical
rudiments (even the minor one of no-sex) could throw into
restimulation.

Then I found what I think was the real underlying factor on
the driving incident. Back then in January I had spoken on
the phone to TF8 and fallen immediately in love and then it
became obvious that there was no way that she would come out
here. And so my concious solution was simply to forget about
her and go out to clubs and try to start up with somebody else.
But that was consious and had no effect on reality. In
the depths of the lower self was a different equation,
which was that if I was in trouble, the girl would come
to rescue me, and so the lower self, having direct interaction
with reality, arranged to get me into terrible trouble so
as to bring about a 2D. Of course there are many other
factors involved, which might even include physical universe
intervention by OSA or whatever (I might have been helped
into trouble, certainly the extreme reactions on a small
amount of alcohol tend to indicate that I was fed knockout
drops or something) but I have always observed that even
when somebody else means you harm, you need an open line
through your own case for them to actually get you in
trouble. So this lower self would have been what was
agreeing with and helping to do me in on the absurd principal
that being in trouble would bring about a 2D.

And for months now I have had the idea that when I appear
in court again (this thrusday), I had better have a 2D
going or I would be dead. Last night I realized that it
was because this lower self will use that to put me into
terrible trouble to get a 2D and if a 2D doesn't show up,
my life will be so horrible that I would kill myself on
Thursday night, and then the lower self would think that
it has ensured a 2D because "they only love you when you
are gone" and it is too stupid to realize that it does no
good to be loved after you are dead.

I just couldn't reach this lower self on an analytical level,
so I called up TF8 last night and got her to explain how
undesirable dead bodies were as 2Ds until something deep
in my gut shifted around (this is truely hilarious, but it
really worked). And a little later I had the gut level
feeling that the right way to get a 2D was to be upstat
and OT (and of course I knew that analytically, but my gut
always said the opposite) and eventually a series of
incidents suddenly flashed into view where I had been
upstat but the girl had loved the dying messed up guy
instead and I had flipped over into the valence of the
one who was loved which was in all other respects a losing
valence.

With that I think that the whole mess shifted around and
this gut level lower self will bring about some miraculous
good fortunte tomorrow, as being a better way of attracting
a girl. But of course we will see what really happens.

There is a whole relm of expressions (trite or otherwise)
such as "nice guys finish last" etc. which permeate the
culture but never showed up in the kinds of implants that
we have been running out of the middle-self. We should
have gotten suspiscious when these things didn't show up.
They are burried deeply in this lower self and manifest
in the real world but are barely accessible case wise.

And both the lower and higher selves interact heavily
with symbols and especially with archtypes (as described
by Jung etc.). These "archtypes" are the god-like
composite entites that carry out the manifestations of
reality, but they are not consious, although they could
be considered to be composed of thought just as a computer
program can have pseudo-thought without self-awareness.

It might be best to think of these as entities of the
higher self, but they are composite entities, shared between
us (much like the thought pools I mentioned in super scio).
They are the computing element which rides about what I
called the universe machines (also in super scio) and
which in turn uses the monitor network.

I think there is a real system of these archtypes and that
the various mythologies and supersititons have shadows
of it. My preference is to use the Tarot symbology, but
you might get just as close with the Enochian system or
Shamanism or whatever.

The lower self interacts with these directly and that
is how it brings about manifestations in the real world.
And of course none of this has true consious self awareness
in it but just moves along playing out old games etc.

Primitive religious work with these things using sacrifice
and more advanced religions use worship but the right button
is love. A high scale flow of love, a love of equals as
from one god to another, is what brings about the strongest
positive reaction from the composite forces.

There is actually a decay scale here, with love at the
top and worship in the middle and sacrifice at the bottom.
Christ apparantly could work with these things but went
down the scale. Early on he is saying "God is love" and
later he is giving out prayers for worship and in the end
he is sacraficing, and because he was such a good guy, he
sacrificed himself instead of somebody else.

For a physical manifestaion, within the bounds of probability
and leaving enough room for random chance to bring it about,
the technique would be to focus on an appropriate archtype
(maybe a Tarot symbol or whatever) which fits the area of
desire and then run a flow of love to it through one's
gut (lower self) while visualizing the desired target.

Basically the higher self guides reality and the lower self
manifests it and we are caught in the middle. Working with
these things is simply a practicality of surviving at this
level until we can run out the division and operate again
as complete beings who can manifest reality consciously.
Getting to an emotional-clear state above the ordiary
engramic-clear is just one of the prerequisites. I think
that we will also have to handle a lot of charge on symbols
etc. and there is probably even a sort of grade on "lessons"
because from the higher self we are busily teaching ourselves
the wrong lessons.

Nothing here replaces any of the other stuff I've written.
This is just one of the big black spots where I had terrible
gaps in the research. The pattern is thought-emotion-effort
and I've been good at Itsaing both the early track thought
and late track effort but the middle band full of emotion
and symbols etc. has mostly been dark to me up until now.

I've just spent the last seven months in hell and I'm really
hoping that I can finally walk out now, but maybe they'll
catch me at the gate and I'll fall in flames. We'll see.


Much love,

The Pilot

aka Ken Ogger


++++++++++++++++++++++++


38) June 30, 2000

Temporarily Confidential


TRICKING THE LOWER SELF

As I mentioned last time, I had the idea that when I appeared
in court again I'd better have a 2D and the why I spotted a few
days ago was that this lower self would otherwise arrange
terrible troubles so as to try and pull in a 2D.

Knowing that, I came up with the simple scheme of convincing
the lower self that if I did super well in court, that would
ensure that the girl would sleep with me that evening. The
idea was that the lower self would then do what it could to
influence reality to bring that about.

Of course this sounds silly and crazy, but it worked like a
charm.

The court appearance went as well as could be expected and I
even had some small wins and the court cycles are not as bad
now as they had been. It was not a super OT adjustment of
reality, so this thing's abilities are very limited, but it
was like night and day compared to my previous cycles with
the courts.

Every once in awhile in the court, this lower self would begin
to turn on a terror of being implanted and terrible charge and
unpleasant sensations would start turning on. Previously I'd
tried to handle this with locationals and spotting safe places
and breathing techniques etc. and gotten only marginal results
keeping the reactions suppressed.

But this time I simply put up a mockup of TF8 from the old days
when we were talking together and ran a beam through the
stomach and out to the mockup, assuring it that we would be
sleeping together that night, and whenever I did that, the
terror and somatics and bad flows etc. would turn right off
as if I'd thrown a light switch and that lower self would
stay quiet for about fifteen minutes or half an hour. It did
have to be repeated freequently, but the result was that my
flows and postulates were favorable during the morning in
court.

And of course this was totaly false and bogus, but the
lower self is not very bright and does not seem to get
ordinary communications but only emotional flows.

I do think that I got through the court cycle safely and
successfully because of that trick. It would have been very
easy to be putting out terrible flows and have things go
worse instead of better because there is so much burocracy
and so many arbitraries in the legal system and the judge
etc. have a lot of discretion.

Afterwards I got an email from TF8 which reminded me of the
loss that I have associated with her. That was my loss, very
sad but light and analytical. Three hours later, the lower self
realized, on a comm lag, that there was a loss there and
that no terminal was going to show up, and then began two
hours of heavy waves of grief coming from my stomach, very
overwhelming and almost impossible to handle.

But for the first time I was clearly able to differentiate
between my surface emotions (and I do have all these heavy
losses in restim right now) and the super heavy super charged
emotional reactions coming from this lower self.

The right thing to do would be to expand back into the areas
of the lower and higher self and regain those parts of myself.
But I can see incredible and unconfrontable layers of grief
and fear and rage layered between myself and those old parts
of me. This thing has old games etc. all walled off from
me by clouds of heavy emotion.

Note that it took three hours for an awareness to drift from
me down into this lower self. Flows and connections seem
to happen right away, but any kind of idea seems to take
hours before it sinks in. This lower self does think slightly,
but it does so ever so slowly, and I think that is true of
the higher self as well.

Another old example is that whenever Ann would have a fight
with me, I would get sick approximately 24 hours later. This
was triggered by the flows. And there were a number of times
when, after fighting, Ann found out that she had mis-percieved
something and came back and appologized and we made up. But
that would not permeate the lower self and I would get sick
on schedule anyway.

In the last few days, I have also been playing with running
flows down through the lower self and out to tarot symbols.
Of course the tarot is only a vague approximation (don't get
stuck on it) of some damn basic symbols we have out there in
some kind of cross-copy pools, but its close enough for what
I was trying to do.

Last year I was occasionally pulling tarot readings online and
they were consistantly fantastic and positive and seemed to
be accurate. This year they have consistantly been terrible
and generally I don't bother.

But Wednesday I was running connections through the stomach
to the Empress and High Priestess cards and then pulled a
tarot reading. The first two thirds of the cards were the
usual bad pattern that I've been pulling this year (and the
readings do seem to have a self-consistancy) and the last
third had the Empress and the High Priestess and a few other
very favorable cards, as if the last section of the reading
had been overlaid by something totally different than what
was showing up in the first half of the reading.

That was what made me feel that the lower self was interacting
with these symbols at some level, because I've never had
any drill or process directly affect the cards before this.

So I tried again yesterday, in the midst of the heavy grief
coming from the lower self. The idea was to connect to the
card known as "the lovers" to get the lower self to pull in
a new 2D connection. Instead it backlashed in a very distinct
and surprising way. Within seconds of mocking up the connection,
my ex-wife Ann called me on the phone and started button pushing
and nattering at me. In other words, a negative manifestation
of the card (an old unfavorable 2D making one wrong). I waited
an hour and did other things and then mocked up that same line
again and within seconds Ann again had me on the phone to
natter at etc. It was quite astounding.

Based on my own perception of postulates going negative whenever
I had heavy loss in restim, I would say that this lower self
also will reverse postulates whenever loss is keyed in.

I would also say that this lower self is someplace where I
burried old stuff from the games universe (prior to the symbols
universe) and that it is still recognizing old comrads and
playing old games (maybe beauty and the beast for example).
All completely out of control because it has been so thoroughly
walled off. In fact I think that we have occasionally accepted
implants to try and bury these walled off portions even deeper
because they give us terrible trouble.

It occurs to me that the keyed out OT state happens when a
cog is so deep that it resonates through the lower and higher
self as well as the conscious self. And then the rare OT
manifestations occur when all 3 selves happen to line up
occasionally by accident, thereby giving the sporatic OT
phenomena where one-shot happenings can't be repeated.

Looking back to December, I was suffering loss and crashed
havingness first before this lower self phenomena was active.
Apparantly, having some sort of 2D kept the deep emotional
losses keyed out. But once I was spinning and there was an
open line, so to speak, then this lower self began to manifest
terrible troubles for me and added to the misery.

I can only be thankful that my weak area was 2D rather than 3D
because if it had been groups I'd probably be out of a job and
living in a packing crate down by the harbor by now.

But I am worried as to what further troubles will show up.
I can hardly second guess the pull-ins which this thing might
manifest and I am so blocked off from those old abandoned areas
that I can hardly concieve of any handling.

If I don't make it and somebody has to follow in my footsteps,
they need to look at this area while they are in good shape and
don't have heavy losses in restim.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


39) July 6, 2000

Temporarily Confidential

VARIOUS NOTES

======

INDEPENDENCE DAY PARTY

I attended the July 4th party.

As far as freezone and tech goes, the party was a success. The
turnout was much larger than last year (more than twice as many
people). I met Evans Farber amoung others (credited by LRH with
originating the first exteriorization process) and there was
a lot of enthusiasm for self-clearing. Also, somebody is creating
a CADA website and I advised them to contact FZA.ORG to setup
links between the two (hint to BD9) - I'll try to remember to
have the name and URL with me the next time I write you.

Also, my sister had a great time swapping war stories with **** since they were
on the flagship
together.

As far as my own case situation goes (eg. 2D despriation), I
basically confirmed that there do not seem to be any unattached
females under 50 in the LA freezone, so it was a negative for
me although I was glad to see the improved activity for the
sake of others.

======


FLOW RIDERS

This came up a few weeks ago and I just didn't get around to
writing it down.

I was working with my sister and we were trying to find what was
causing things like the 2D bounce I seemed to have and other
odd situations where somebody's flows were different than
what they thought they were putting out.

I found that there were flows from dead people I had known
in this lifetime appearing in my flows to others. my sister
found the same.

These were not the flows of the beings as they must be now,
having reincarnated or at least being between lives and a
bit different from when I had known them. Instead they seemed
to be from copies of the person as they were when they died.

It seems like we are all doing an interesting thing of saving
a copy of ourselves as we are at death before going through
the between lives memory wipe out. Supposedly these copies
are so that we can regain all of our identities once we are
free of the "prison". These copies are parked in some sort
of non-physical space.

All the dead people who had reason to mess me up or had
intentions to control me etc. in their lives seemed to appear
as flow riders on my flows. Although in some cases I had
overts which might explain my pulling these in or copying
them, there were also many who were just envious or even
disliking me for spurious or dubbed-in reasons, so it seemed
to depend more on their attitudes about me rather than my case.

I'm not sure how common this is because it seemed to me that
all the between lives copies had been stirred up against me
by an opponent, so manybe this is not so embracive for other
people, but I seemed to find tons of these.

Handling was generally to spot what the source of their
antagonism was and acknowledge it, which would cause them
to let go.

=======

BIG GREEN ALIENS

There has been some stuff about reptiles on ACT, mostly from
sources that don't hold too much credibility for me.

But a couple people have spotted some things on this and
talked to me about it privately, including one who was not
reading ACT and didn't even know about the dialogue on this
subject.

So I tried to find something on it and came up with a bit
of wierdness which is probably dub-in but should be noted
down just in case.

I got the valley of the tombs on Acturus IV, which I've run
before and which might be the next higher level reality,
with Earth possibly being a virtual reality in the style of
movies like "The Matrix" or "The 13th Floor" (based on the
old classic sci-fi novel Simaculron-3).

And it seemed like the Big Green Reptilian Aliens had just
recently captured that planet from the folks that were
running the prison planet machinery (Marcab? 4th invader?)
and had not a clue as to what was going on down here.

So these big green reptiles started jacking into the system
to figure it out, and instead of doing their job they have
gotten a bit addicted to human affairs as a sort of Soap
Opera which they find very entertaining.

So they are not here but at the next level up and occasionally
they are hanging around to observe and we feel their thoughts
and get a sort of dub-in of them hanging around when they
are observing us.

This is probably wrong data but its one hell of an intersting
idea.


=======

SACRIFICE

This is just an interesting incident I ran. It goes back to
magic universe.

A girl I was in love with was due to be sacrificed to a "god".

The god was bodiless but had various statues and shrines as
anchorpoints around his territory.

The sacrifice was to be a virgin, but really that was only
a convienience in communicating the real need to mortals. What
was really needed was somebody innocent and pure of mind who
did not have a strong 2D link with anybody else, and the
actual virginity was beside the point.

I went to some big wizard and offered a decade of service in
exchange for help and the wizard did not like this particular
god anyway so he took the deal and hatted me up.

The sacrifice was needed to add a fresh and current PT viewpoint
to a god that was growing too old, bored, jaded, and out of
touch. The girls body would then become a priestess who
would manifest the god and issue orders to mortals.

Under the wizard's instructions, I linked 2D wise with the
girl and was nearby at the time of sacrifice and when he
blanketed her, I was absorbed as well, both of us being merged
with him in mind.

Then three becomes one, but there are still three separate
subconsiousnesses under the one conscious being who was all
of us. This true merge would only last briefly (because the
three different substrata would cause it to fragment again)
but thought as a single unit temporarily.

As instructed, both I and the girl were primed to think of
suicide. Because it was two to one, we tended to permeate
and so the composite consiousness had thoughts of destroying
itself and according to the wizard, this was the only way
a bodiless god could be destroyed. The idea was that he would
destroy himself and that the girl and I would comm lag slightly
because we had physical bodies (and had each other) and so
would hold back from self destruction at the last moment while
the old god dissolved into nothingness.

It didn't quite work because the god's shrines etc. acted
just like bodies to put comm lags into his wishes so that
only some of his shrines self destructed before the suicide
impulse was suppressed and we fragmented and he came back
to being a fully consious and surviving individual.

He was terribly weakened and could not wreak too much havoc
on the countryside, but he did curse us and his curse was
to put a bit of himself on each of us that would make others
think that they were being sacrificed (his specialty) if we
ever tried to have a 2D with anybody (and we turned on terror
of sacrifice in each other as well). This was a little bit
like the flow riders I mentioned earlier, but consiously done
by a very powerful being.

========


FIFTH INVADER FRAGMENTS

When you join 5th invader, they have you add fragments of yourself
to various pools and military machinery and later these fragments
of yourself can be fed false data and used to your detriment.

I found lots of pieces of myself which were acting in undesirable
ways against me due to this.


========


I've also been running lots of more mundane stuff. The above
are all a bit wild because I'm only bothering to note the
unusual things that come up rather than the standard ones.


========


Things are rotten as usual and I see no way out. I'm just
going on hoping as usual.



Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


40) July 11, 2000


OSA DRUG IMPLANTING

URGENT AND IMPORTANT - READ CAREFULLY


Temporarily Confidential.

This is too incredibly wild and contains too much personal
and out PR info, but if something should happen to me, spread
this one all over the net immediately.

It also might be loaded with dub-in.

But it explains my crazy 2D case and I've been blowing charge
and somatics like mad. And the suicidal impulses have vanished.
And I meter checked the implanted command wording they used
on me and it read like crazy. So I think that this is real.

OSA is doing heavy Sex-Drug-Hypnosis (SDH) implanting.
They have used it on me. They almost certainly have used
it on TF8. They have probably used it on other people.

I also need to give you TF8's real name and info because she
is probably being used without her knowledge by OSA and you
need to be careful of her. However I am asking you to keep
it secret and not post her name to the net because the film
she is currently working on involves public Scientologists
who might disconnect and screw it up if it became publicly
known that she was connected to "squirrels".

At the moment I am totally ARC broken with her and consider
her in treason because of calling the police on me (details
later) and plan to have no further personal comm with her, but
I do believe she is well intentioned and honestly made massive
gains on self clearing before OSA smashed her with drug
implanting and made her into a weapon to be used against
me. So I am CCing her on this message (she deserves to know
what is going on and what I say about her) but you should
be careful as to what you say to her.

Keep secret - TF8 is (...deleted...)

Note that I'm putting a lot of material in here which I
would not normally repeat because it is needed to communicate
what has been going on. The story is frighening. Be sure
to read it through carefully to the end.


===========

ROHYPNOL - THE HYPNOTIC AMNESIA DRUG USED IN DATE-RAPE

I'd heard some talk on the news etc. about date rape drugs
and so forth, but I had been imagining something that would
make a girl a bit drunk, turned on, and compliant rather
than a true mind control super-drug.

Do a web search on this drug and you will find the most
incredible stories and statements. It is real. They are
not exaggerating. Total amnesia. Total hypnotic obedience.
An oderless and tasteless drug that can even be concealed
in fruit juice without alcohol to cover it. There are
actually a whole class of such drugs. Rohypnol is just
the most common and I don't actually know which ones were
being used on myself and TF8, and the indications are
that different ones were used for different purposes.

But of course nothing is really total. Somehow or other
I always sidetracked the various suicide attemps and disobeyed
implanted orders. The most obvious was when I had a total
compulsion to kill myself at midnight on New Years eve
and made sure to get drunk enough to be passed out unconsious
when midnight came around and therefore did not kill myself.

Running an incident on this drug, a clear who can scan and
blow heavy incidents quickly and easily begins to run like
an unprocessed case who is overwhelmed and total effect of
every command phrase etc.

Now that I've gotten a bit of it, I find that I can, inch by
inch, slowy pull out data solo, but initially I had no knowledge
that there even was an incident and my first run throughs
were with my sister (and also a bit with KJ2) auditing me on it
because this stuff is so heavy that it drops completely out
of sight and even ordinary conversations while walking around
on the drug go in like the deepest parts of heavy this lifetime
hospital operations.

The net mentions that the drug can give breathing trouble
and from my own running of it, it seems that each breath
you take while on the drug has an engramic impact.


===========

FIRST CLUE

Last week I disconnected from TF8. I've been under this
desperate need to have a 2D and she was a total failure
on that line (and the rejection restimulated heavy inval)
so I needed to break off hard to try and pull away my attention
so that I could get somebody else.

But she contacted me again anyway, and of course my attention
would snap onto her and that blocks other lines.

So I decided to pull a missed withhold from her that I
knew existed so as to try and find out what was really
going on with her and me. The withhold was from a night
when I called her and she was out on the town in **** (a one
time event - we were speaking on the phone almost daily earlier
this year). I felt something and asked her about it the
next day and she admitted that she did have a withhold but
would tell me about it when she got here in America. I
figured that she had slept with somebody but, not being
puritan I let it slide since she was not here and we had
been turning each other on on the phone and in emails for
months. And I had, after all, had one romantic weekend
myself, and I figured that fair was fair.

But when I pulled the withhold, all sorts of strange stuff
was coming up and soon all hell was breaking lose.

She had gone out with the guy (****) one night in May and
slept with him and was madly in love with him but he had
rejected her and so she had decided to disconnect from
the 2D.

But then why the hell had she spent almost two weeks traveling
from Switzerland to Los Angeles to be with me and then
instantly freaked out and run from me as fast as possible?

On further inquiry, she had met **** on an Easter Cruise
she had been hired for. This was a gig she had hired on
for to get some cash in her pocket for the trip to America
(the film she is currently directing is being done on a
low budget and she is working for a share of the profits).

I had known about the cruise (Friday to Monday of Easter
weekend at the end of April) but had assumed that it was a
professional chartered cruise and maybe she hadn't wanted to
mention that it was a private affair. But she had actually
hired on to act as a tour guide, hostess, and interpreter
(she trained as an interpreter and is completely fluent in
German, Italian, and English) for an Austrian millionaire
(****) on his yacht.

The impression she had when contracting for this (at very
high rates) was that he was entertaining business clients
over Easter. But it turned out that the only other people
involved were a gangster-like character and his family.

This worried her, but then she was pleasantly surprised
that **** simply took her around to various places on
the Adriatic and made no sexual advances.

But there were descrpancies. Times on land when she was
woozy. Blank spots where she had no recall.

And I'd called her on her cell phone when she started the
cruise and she sounded drunk and told me that I was
interfearing with her getting her job done and hung up
on me. And her friend **** had called her and she'd hung
up on him and he thought that she'd sounded wierd too. I
was being polite and backing off and figured that she'd
had a drink with somebody on the ship, and so I didn't
call again. But it turns out that TF8 doesn't drink at
all and never had anything but fruit juice on the cruise.

So we dug deeper.

When she arrived **** took her to a bar, but she only
ordered a Pineapple juice. After that, she had blank
spots. How did the ship get from one side of the harbor
to the other. How did she change clothes because she
is wearing something different later (usually she has
almost photographic memory on what she is wearing because
of the acting career). And the landscape is wobbling
up and down while she is walking around in a supermarket
on firm ground.

An hour of repetative alternate spotting of something in
the incident and something in the room began to bring
up things from the blank spots.

And then we are getting the wildest degrading stuff up
out of this incident. Repetative uses of the drug.
Repetative sexual exploitation. And intentional heavy
use of hypnotic command phrases, used over and over
again repetatively.

And this guy was extremely crafty and educated on this.
He would do things like having her in front of a closet
mirror while showing her a cabin and be holding a
conversation on something and then drag her over to
the bed and afterwards lay in a long series of command
phrases and then get her up in front of the mirror in
the exact same position and repeat the last of the
conversation they were having and everything would
continue on as if nothing had happened.

I'm not going to tell you the details of her experience,
but I'll recount mine later (very embarassing and degrading).

The command phrases were extremely heavy on forgetting,
die if you tell, etc. but also included things like
loving him etc. Eventually she remembered that at the
beginning he hadn't looked all that great but later
he seemed fantastically attractive.

The commands were so deep that they would not show up
on scanning but had to be found with flash answers
("the next command phrase will show up when I count
to three and snap my fingers"). And even this would
not work until the specific blacked out time period
had been scanned over a number of times.

We would find that there was a blank area by ordinary
running. Then we would do alternate incident/room
spotting to even get a glimpse of the contents (otherwise
it would just all be black and unrunable). Then we
would scan it repetatively and gradually get bits of
it. And then we could do flash answers for command
phrases. And then it could be run properly. And she
would tend to fall asleep (go unconsious) while doing
this. Truely gruesome to run.

And every little blank spot had to be run this way.
Trying to get flash answers did not even work on the
cruise as a whole but only on an individual segment
that had already been partially run. More command
phrases would keep coming up each time we ran over
a new blank period.

And cocane was used extensively as well. According to
the internet, these drugs mix well with cocane and that
is often done.

=========

ME AND TF8 THIS WEEK

Once we started running the incident, it was sheer hell
and almost impossible to get through. Also, she was
turning on somatics and feeling like she was going to
die, etc. Furthermore, the drug itself (according to
the internet) can cause breathing difficulties and you
can asphixiate under heavy usage, so there was a serious
drug somatic which would key in and make it hard for
her to breathe.

I ended up staying at the apartment she's rented for
three days, sleeping on the couch while running her,
ever so slowly, through this incident. Note that ****
also shares the apartment, having the other bed, and
he is non-functional on the 2D because of the psych
drugs he is taking.

It turns out that the incident sticks heavily because
of the points where it gets the thetan's agreement, like
the way wonderful asthetics are used to make an implant
stick. It can hook on pleasureable sexual sensations
(note that the body is relaxed and it does not have the
pain of a rape) and pleasureable drug sensations (everything
is glorious) and most especially, a wonderful picture
of being in love with a handsome millionaire was painted
for her, and that sucks the being right in and keeps
them in agreement with mocking up the incident.

We finally got her out of the incident on Friday.

We also did some assists on her Endomitriosis (see
references on the net if your interested) which causes
vaginal bleeding etc. She is sure this is going to
kill her, but based on what's on the net, this is not
life threatening, does not turn into cancer, is not
a venerial disease, can disappear spontaneously, and
may have a psychological origin which causes incorrect
tissue formation during the monthly cycle.

My observation was that her Endo condition is tied closely
to me. For example, when we had lunch two weeks ago
it turned on heavily. I had assumed that it was simply
due to stuck flows and 2D considerations. Now I suspect
something far worse due to OSA implanting, but I wasn't
thinking that the last time I saw her.

Also note that at this time I simply assumed that her
cruise incident was an ordinary date rape and simply
a manifestation of the very bad luck I seem to be having.

But we were talking about that and I mentioned my usual
thing of being able to get 7 out of 10 heads on a coin
toss. I've been saying that my super good luck has
reversed and that now I'd get 7 out of 10 tails, but
she challanged me to prove it.

I took out a quarter and tossed it as I usually do.
To be sure, I always throw it high into the air letting
it spin and then fall wherever, never catching it for
fear of biasing the results, and as always, sometimes
it hits the floor instead of the table and I just
take whatever results come up.

Much to my surprise I flipped 7 out of 10 heads, just
like I used to. I had only assumed that my luck has
reversed. Now I have changed my mind and think that
the positive luck probability manipulation is still
with me. This means that there is fantastic opposition
actively working against me (giving the appearance of
bad luck) and half of their plans are failing due to
lucky breaks in my favor.

This is like betting on a weighted coin where I should
only win 2 times out of 10 but I'm actually getting 4
out of 10 because I'm forcing the odds in my favor. But
it looks like bad luck because I'm only getting 4 due
to the coin being rigged.

Anyway, we rehabbed her earlier purposes and the good
gains she had gotten on self-clearing etc.

Then it seemed to me that I was finally talking to the
wonderful girl that I'd been in comm with earlier this
year.

And I'd gone through the entire three days with her with
cramping, almost disabling pains in my balls. The 2D
charge that turned on was terrible, and I was keeping it
heavily suppressed to get her through the incident.

And it seemed to me that she might be seeing me differently
now that the incident had been run and she was no longer
madly in love with Peter the implanter.

So I asked, and she told me how wonderful I was etc.
but that I was terribly unattractive. This particular
button is my worst nightmare on the 2D. The more I am
praised for my wonderful qualities, the more the rejection
hurts because it means that no matter how wonderful I
am, I am still a terrible turnoff.

I was very upset, but I do normally keep myself under
control and act quiete and polite, so I went out on the
balcony and had a cigarrette.

Then I was going to jump. This was dead certain, locked in.

I was shaking and bracing myself for the moment. In
retrospect, I was under a post hypnotic command to kill
myself when she rejected me, but I didn't know that at
the time (and I was planning to kill myself too when
she ran from me right after arriving in LA, but that
also got derailed).

Then I realized that I could just dramatize and communicate
the upset instead of dying. I always seem to have just
a slight amount of choice no matter what is keyed in.

So I went back in and yelled at her. I looked around
for something safe to do, because there was enough force
kicking around to do serious damage (I can and have put
my fist right through a wall) and tried picking up the
other bed (not the one she was on) to drain strength
from the body, but it was too light. Then I settled
on kicking the bathroom door (knowing that nobody was
inside) and shattered the door jamb (minor damage, easy
to glue back together, later I put the broken wood
carefully in the cabinet under the sink). Then I was
able to sit the body down and get the horrible suicidal
rage and charge under control. Anything less and I
would have killed myself, the destructive urges were
terrible (and I will kill myself rather than hurt others,
that is very basic with me, but I don't feel too badly
about hurting some Mest). Note that since then I've
gotten somebody to contact the motel management for me
and they said the damage was trivial and not to worry
about it because the room was to be renovated anyway.

Then I looked around for her to talk through the mess,
but she had fled with **** and they'd driven off, leaving
me stranded there. Note that we were up in the Hollywood
Hills, inside a security gated apartment complex, up a
long dark road from any real streets and I had not a clue
as to how to get a Taxi in there.

My first impulse was to get out, so I called my friend
**** who lives in the area, planning to have him meet me
on the road and drive me off. But by a strange coincidence,
his car had just gone on the fritz and he could not pick
me up (really wierd).

By this point I was calmed down, and I could not imagine
that she would call the police on me after all we had
been through, so I decided to wait for her and **** to
calm down and come back and talk. And then they could
drive me home and we would end cycle.

Instead she showed up with the police. That was the
unforgiveable betrayal. She knows that I'm in the middle
of court trouble from the driving and I'm on probation
(this could cause me terrible trouble when I go back to
court again) and that I have terrible keyins on courts
and police. Even though she decided not to press charges,
they wrote up a card about me and will have it on file
and now I'm marked as a potential abusive 2D. And the
police told me that if I ever go back to her apartment,
I will be arrested.

In retrospect, she was probably implanted with the idea
that I was going to kill her and to have me arrested,
but she was safe and had time to calm down when she
drove away and didn't really have to go to them. And
I have always managed to sidetrack the implanted orders
whenever they might be truely dangerous. But she didn't
and added one more disaster to my life. And there is
no telling what further trouble could come from this
latest brush with the police. At a minimum, OSA may
get the police report on me as a violent sex maniac
and put it up on the net.

So I can't trust her. She will hurt me if ordered to
do so. Next they might order her to stab me with a
knife and she might do it instead of breaking the
compulsion (my experience says that you can break these
hypnotic compulsions when you are about to do serious
harm to yourself or somebody you care about).

I did build up a lot of ARC with her and still care, but
I also know now that the idea that she is the love of
my life was implanted (more on this later) and I have
a real button on betrayal (I suppose I'm pulling it in,
what with Ann and now TF8). Also, I've now got her
associated with the police and court cycles and OSA
implanting so that the thought of seeing her again is
scary. Therefore I am totally disconnecting permanently
as far as any personal comm with her goes.

Obviously I do not treat this the way the org does and
I am CCing her on this message. Hopefully she will
read the entire thing carefully (especially the stuff
later about how we have been used by OSA) and get
through it herself. And I don't think that she is
an SP but simply is weak and very PTS to OSA. She
can probably still call KJ2 (up to him actually) if
she needs help running the rest of it. And I do hope
she gets through it. But she is off my lines. We are
too dangerous to each other. Basically, OSA made her
into a poisoned arrow aimed straight at my heart.

==========

MY FIRST INCIDENT

While running TF8 through her drug incident, I noticed
that I had some similar clues about myself, especially
during the drunk driving incident, but also lots of
very abnormal behaviour and it gave me the suspicion
that a similar drug had been used on me.

I had a hell of a time finding it, but I finally found
the first time OSA picked me up and did a drug implant.

It was the last Saturday in November, just before all
the 2D keyins started.

I was at Jerry's Deli and having a late lunch / early
dinner. I had a chicken soup, a corn beef sandwitch,
and a drink (a black russian). I'd gone to the restroom.
They could have put the drug in the drink or even in
the chicken soup.

As the drug was taking effect, everything was getting
beautiful and wonderful. I stopped a passing waitress
and told her how beautiful she was. A few weeks later
in the same resturant, she came over (was not waiting
on me) and said something nice. I didn't recognize her
and thought I had never seen her before and wondered
why she had made a point of saying something nice (and
I was with somebody so I didn't persue the matter).

After multiple runs through the incident, I eventually
found that at this point there was a forced exteriorization
and I (top level) drifted off while leaving all my lesser
fragments and machinery (and that "lower self" which I've
talked about) behind to recieve orders. Usually you can
find yourself drifting above the body up in the corner
of the room or something during an operation, but in
this case I seemed to be pushed completely out of this
universe and drifting around in some space where the
bodies in pawn are being kept or whatever. Anyway, I'll
continue with the incident as it ran from the lower
viewpoints.

After everything turned glorious, I was woozy and starting
to go into blackouts, my head slipping (like I was going
to fall asleep) and I was pulling myself back up. And a
guy came over and told me how a beautiful girl wanted to
see me but was afraid to see me in public and how he would
take me to her.

Then he was paying my check and helping me out of the
resturant and I could hardly walk and was going along
happily. He was a big heavyset guy. He helped me
into the backseat of a green station wagon and his
partner, a thinner guy with wild hair in a red baseball
cap was driving.

First his partner was driving us into the Sportsman's
Lodge which is nearby but he said that it was too
fancy and public so we pulled out of the lot and went
to a less upscale motel. He got out and apparantly
got us a room. My impression is that the motel was
on Coldwater Canyon, but I could be wrong.

They turned on the TV and began channel switching.
We'd look at something and they'd tap on the screen
and say "this is the real world" or "this is happening
now". Eventually they found a show with a motel/hotel
room and said "Here is the hotel we are in now". These
pictures would come up first when I tried to run the
incident. While switching, the thin guy said "Let's
find some space aliens", probably hoping to further
confuse the incident, but they didn't find any shows
like that.

At this point I was sitting on the edge of the bed
watching the TV. Sometime during this I looked over
at the desk next to it and there was a printed page
with the heading "Engramic Phrases For Use In Drug
Hypnosis".

Then they stretch me out on the bed on my stomach,
with my head facing the TV. They continued to call
my attention to the screen occasionally. They tied
my wrists with thin ropes. Since there were no bedposts,
they were confused about where to tie the rope and
finally settled for pulling them down to the legs of
the bed.

Then they are pulling my pants down and the big guy
is unbuckeling his belt, but he says "I can't get it
up for this guy". My impression is that he is AC/DC
and prefers women but can do men as well. So they
begin channel hopping, looking for some porn, but
it is the afternoon and the sexier cable movies are
only on in the evening.

While this is going on, the thin guy is laughing and
saying "this is so funny". When I was running this
entire segment, I kept laughing hysterically until
I found that phrase.

Finally they find a movie with ... (Famous actress,
I got the name but it would be unfair to link her
with this). He says "I can get it up for (name)."
Then he tells me, "Watch the screen, we're going to
have an orgy with (name)".

He puts on a condum. Apparantly the guys who do this
are scared to death of Aids, so at least I'm protected
from that. They cover the condum with cocaine powder.

Then of course he screws me up the ass. Although there
is a bit of pain, it is covered by waves of pleasurable
sensation from the drug. He tells me I'm having sex
with (the actress found above) and I believe him (that's
really strange) and the drug has me all relaxed so it is
not like a rape (no resistance or protest) but instead
I'm getting waves of extasy (probably from the drugs)
which I'm feeling running all the way out to my fingertips
like little electrical sensations. I have had those
little tinglings chronically since the incident and
they blew while running it.

When running this, I eventually found a small amount
of pain (not much, maybe one sharp somatic on entry)
plus a continual burning sensation (originally masked
by the drug) which was probably due to the cocane going
in through the anal lining. Also there were pressures
and mild pains in the back and hand/wrist area (from
the ropes). The reverse flow troubles I've been
having between the genitals and the back area probably
go back to this backwards screwing position.

As a side note, the net says that the drug can be
detected up to 48 hours later. For years my body
has tended to throw off undesirable chemicals fairly
quickly. So two days later (this has always been in
conscious recall, but I never knew why it happened),
after lunch at work, I suddenly had a bit of diarreah
and there was blood in it. I got scared by it and went
home sick from work, but everything was fine after that
so I didn't worry about it. But in retrospect, it was
my system throwing off everything from this incident.

Apparantly the drug needs extreme sexual stimulation
to really latch in deeply, because the being locks in
on the sensation. Also it makes the incident too
incredible to believe and makes it non-confronted.
For me, of course, I was horrified at the homosexual
experience, and horrified that it was enjoyable in
some respects. Furthermore, although you are tremendously
sexualy stimulated, you don't get to have an orgasm
and it leaves you physically frustrated and pulling
in heavily, which makes you pull in the later hypnotic
commands instead of resisting them. At some subconsious
level, I then knew that I absolutely had to have a women
to keep from turning into some kind of crazy pervert and
also to break the hold of the heavy sex/drug sensation
which, even now, has a strong pull. This explains the
truly desperate sexual need I've been feeling all these
months.

Just writing this is turning on mild burning in my
ass, back pains, making my stomach sick, and making
me feel a bit apathetic and suicidal. Although I've
been through the incident quite a few times, every
moment, every thing looked at or said, seems to go
in like a heavy engram and lodge in deeply resulting
in it only being half errased even now that I've
gotten most of the contents (I will keep running it).
(Additional note on proofreading this - these somatics
are finally flat and turned off now).

I suspect that the drug makes the incident hook in
deeply to the "lower self" I was talking about the
other week and latches onto the "emotional bank"
even when one does not have true engramic pain/
unconsiousness type pictures to hook onto. I suspect
that the "lower self" keeps it mocked up because of
the sexual and drug sensations even though I'm no
longer mocking up engramic stuff compulsively. So
it acts like an engram anyway.

Anyway, then they untie me and pull my pants up and
sit me up. He then takes the command sheet and
implants it. He does this by reading one to himself,
putting the paper down, grabbing my shoulders and
shaking me a bit and then saying the phrase loudly
with intention. Then he lets go of me, picks up
the paper again, etc. I am sitting on the bed and
he is in the chair. When he finishes the printed
sheet, he takes a handwritten one, apparantly special
for me, and lays in those.

The command phrases -

"Here are your orders"

You must listen.
You must obey.
You need this.
This is for your own good.
You'll never run this out.
This will not react on any meter.
This will not react on a lie detector.
This will not react on any electronic device.
You musn't let anybody find out about this.
You musn't let anybody know about this.
You musn't let anybody suspect that this incident exists.
You can't find out about this.
You would die if you knew.
You will die if you tell.
There is no time.
There is no date.
There is no duration.
This incident doesn't exist.
You do not know that it is happening.
The end is the beginning.
The beginning is the end.
It's later than it is.
It's earlier than it is.
You are before the beginning.
You are after the end.
You are not where you think you are.
You are somewhere else.
You were never here in the first place.
This has happened before.
It is 86 trillion years ago.
It is one million years ago.
It is ten thousand years ago.
It is one hundred years ago.
It happened yesterday.
It happened tomorrow.
It happened before you were born.
The incident is over.
It never happened in the first place.
All you see here is blackness.
You cannot move to the incident.
You cannot move through the incident.
It is all too confusing.
We am here to help you.
We am here to help mankind.
This will enable you to help others.
This will enable you to survive.
You will obey my orders.
The survival of mankind is at stake.
You want to obey my orders.
Obeying me will set you free.
You have no will of your own.
You have no choice but to obey me.
Do not think about this.
You cannot believe that this has happened.
If you look at this you will find something else.
You cannot tell anybody about it.
You will die if you tell.
You will kill yourself if you try to tell.
You will become sick and die if you find out about this.
Your waking self cannot remember this.
Your unconsious self cannot forget this.
You will always hide this from yourself.
You will obey without thinking.
It is important to obey without thinking.
It is glorious to obey without thinking.
It is beautiful to obey without thinking.
It is successfull to obey without thinking.
It is responsible to obey without thinking.
By obeying me you will save the world.
Here are your orders.

(here he shifts from the printed sheet to the handwritten one)

You will kill yourself at midnight on New Year's Eve.
The processing does not work.
Everything keys in again.
You stir up more than you can confront.
You are alone.
You are overwhelmed.
You are evil.
Everybody hates you.
Nobody can help you.
You don't like anybody.
You are a criminal and will go to jail.
The police will arrest you.
The court will convict you.
You will stop writing.
You will stop posting to the internet.
You will never run this out.
You are too tired to do anything.
You will never find out.

(From later running, on Mar 3 they did this to me again,
using the same printed sheet but on the handwritten sheet
they replaced the first sentence about New Years with -
All the girls will reject you.
You will kill yourself when you are rejected.
It is too sad to live.
Everything is hopeless.)


(back to the printed sheet)

Your conscious self is now in paradise.
All is wonderful.
Your dreams are fufilled.
What would you like to have?

(I answer "a beautiful woman who loves me" and he writes
it down).

Whenever you return to paradise you will have it.
But you cannot go there by yourself.
Somebody else must send you.

(he takes out an index card. Now he holds the card in
one hand and the printed sheet in the other and doesn't
bother to shake me between commands)

When you hear this jingle twice,
You will return to Paradise.

(reading from the index card - )

Its far too blue and not a lark
for an autum screw alone in the dark.

(back to the printed sheet)

When you hear that phrase again,
You'll obey for its me or my men.

Here is the phrase again -

Its far too blue and not a lark
for an autum screw alone in the dark.

When you hear this, your conscious self will go to
Paradise and experience extasy while your unconsious
self recieves my orders which must be carried out or
else you will die.

Then I will tell you to come back to yourself and
awaken and then your conscious self will return from
paradise without remembering anything.

Only your unconsious self will remember this.

If anything about this begins to come into consciousness,
you will become tired and fall asleep.

Do you understand?

(When he says this, he shakes me again and I say "Yes").

My commands for you are complete. Be sure that you obey.

Then they take me back to the station wagon and drive
to the parking lot next to Jerry's Deli. The big guy
asks for my car keys and drives me home in my car while
the other guy follows.

He has me get out and he returns my car keys. Then he
has me take out my house key. We are standing next to
my car. His friend in the green station wagon is pulled
up behind us in my driveway.

He tells me "When I say now, you will go to the house and
put the key in the front door and turn it. When you turn
the key, your conscious self will return from paradise and
awaken and you will remember that you drove home from the
resturant without anything else happeneing."

Then he says "Now" and I begin walking to the house.
Behind me I hear them driving off.

When I get inside I remember nothing and I feel a bit
sick. I wonder if there was something wrong with the
food.

==========

OSA'S GAME AGAINST ME AND TF8

During the week after the above incident, I was tired,
sick, apathetic, and also feeling very alone and abandoned
and feeling a terrible sexual need.

During the previous six months I had occasionally gotten
horny. Its a male thing. You watch some naked girls in
an Xrated movie, relieve the tensions, and drop the subject.
For me this was about once a month. Just something to
get out of the way so that I could concentrate on more
important things. Not a big deal. I had been figuring
that this would keep the body quiet and that sooner or
later I'd run into some nice freezone girl and start
another 2D.

But now that solution didn't work. The need was desperate
and compulsive. By the end of the week the movies weren't
even turning me on but I was still feeling a terrible
need and also feeling very degraded.

So I decided to drop everything and begin processing
charge off of sex and the 2D.

That was December 3rd, approximately one week after
the drug implant. I remember that date clearly as the
point when I realized that I had to run charge off of
the 2D or else I would totally cave in. In fact, I felt
that I would die if I didn't do something about the area
immediately.

All sorts of case came up. Everything I've written about
my case and all the stuff I ran were correct. They did
not implant any new abberations. But they turned up the
volume on my 2D case by orders of magnitude. And of
course I always missed the drug incident.

Specifically, things like the sex-suicide stuff I've
written about were there in my late teens and in that
bad period around 1980 when I was without a 2D for
years. But the keyins were rare occasional things.
Maybe I had a dozen times when there was a suicide
impulse connected to sex over the course of a number
of years. It did not permeate my life. Now these things
were hitting daily.

Each and every day, I had as many keyins on sex and
2D as I used to have over the course of months, and
the intensity was orders of magnitude greater.

The processes would work and I would get a big gain and
keyout and then a few hours later the rest of the 2D
case would key right back in. And the tiny bits that
I did errase were of course gone and didn't come back,
but it was a teaspoon against the ocean. We count
heavily on the keyout effect to get the pc flying.

And of course OSA was happy. Until I avoided suicide
on New Years and then flipped the other way, blew some
big underlying charge on suicide, and dumped a massive
post (post69) onto the net.

They must have freaked out. But they would already
have been preparing a plan B. I'd said in the incident
that I wanted a beautiful girl to love me. So they
knew that I could be manipulated that way.

TF8 had been running self-clearing back in 1999 and
her ex-husband had found out and reported her to OSA.
OSA had told him to lay off and drop the matter, leaving
her alone to do what she wanted. Since she is a bit
of a celebrity, we must assume that they kept an eye
on her thereafter.

Right after New Years, I decided that since the processing
was not working to turn off the sexual urges, I really
needed to get out and meet some girls.

Not having many comm lines or knowing how to go about this,
and not yet having made friends who know the LA club
sceen, I dug out the address of a cocktail lounge that
somebody had once told me still allowed smoking (rare in
LA) and went there. It turned out to be a poor quality
place with few girls, a tiny dance floor, and mostly just
horny guys commiserating with each other. I decided not
to go back there again, but had a few drinks anyway and
swapped divorce stories with a few other guys at the
bar.

Then I ordered some coffee, which is my usual policy, to
sober up and do some locationals before I drove home.

The bar had gotten crowded, and a guy said that he had
heard something really funny and invited me over to
the bar stools on a side table so that he could sit down
while he told me.

Then he said "I heard a really funny poem but I don't
quite understand what it means. It goes like this."
And I remember that clearly, and afterwards I remember
that he said something about "far blue" and "autum
screw" and it didn't seem to make sense and I couldn't
figure it out for him. And then I had some more coffee
and was nicely sobered up and went home safely.

When I went back and ran this I found that he had
recited the phrase from the drug incident which was
supposed to put me under again ("Its far too blue" ...
etc.) and said it twice and then sat their and told
me that the love of my life was going to call me and
that her name was TF8 and she was a beautiful movie
star in her thirties and he showed me her picture, one
of the ones from the net - the one up at ****'s website.
The same one she sent me eventually and where I was
shocked that she looked exactly as I'd imagined.

And later, when TF8 was afraid to tell me her name
on the phone, I guessed that it was "TF8" and she
was shocked and I thought that I must have picked it
up by some wild OT ability. But really it was that
I'd been told her name under hypnosis and it simply
came to the surface. From the first phone call, I
had been thinking of her as "TF8" even though she
had not given me her name.

And the other thing he ordered me to do was to report
back to the same cocktail lounge on Friday in two
weeks and I did even though I'd decided not to bother
ever going there again. Of course they were unprepared
the first time I went in, so they needed me back again
to setup the drunk driving incident. But I am getting
ahead of my story. Note that the guy in this incident
is different from the other two, he is shorter and maybe
a bit flabby. However it is the big guy from the first
incident who handles me during the drunk driving.

Immediately after they told me her name, TF8 called
me up. She was very very scared of OSA finding out
that she was talking to me. I believe that this fear
of OSA was so heavy because they had already implanted
her. My worries about her being an OSA plant were
handled by the fact that she had obviously run self
clearing extensively and knew it well and I still think
that this was correct and she was being used without
her knowledge. They knew she would pass inspection
because she really was a self clearing enthusiast.

Obviously OSA must have set this all up and gotten to
her as well because they showed me her picture and told
me her name before she called.

And she had just taken a month off from film production
and was staying alone in the apartment that she used
to share with her ex-husband, and he had keys and
she even told me once that she was scared that he might
have hypnotized her in her sleep.

So this whole half-assed affair between us was planned.

Then of course I wanted her to fly out right away, and
she actually had a free month where she could have done
that, but she had a terrible fear of flying, and they
also knew about that from the six months when she was
in the Sea Org years ago.

So I did a bit of processing on her over the phone.

And there was a point where the fear seemed to be gone
and she felt really good, but wanted to wait a little
to see if it keyed in again. And it did key in again,
intensely, and we never did get it handled. Except
that it seems like my continual 2D keyin, where everything
else in the bank on that topic keeps keying in after
a big release.

So I think that they got scared and re-implanted a
big fear of flying in on her immediately.

And later, when I'd point out that no planes had
crashed between Europe and LA during that time period,
she would always say that if she'd been on a flight,
then it would have crashed.

So I think that they told her under hypnosis that if
she did get on a plane they would plant a bomb on it
or otherwise make it crash and she would die.

Of course I am only guessing here and she will have
to run her own incidents on this.

I don't think that they drugged me during the first
incident in the cocktail lounge, but they did during
the second one where I get arrested for drunk driving.
But they must have used some drug which would not
show up on an ordinary alchohol blood test. I don't
know if that is true of rohypnol or whether they used
something milder, but I was experiencing blackouts
walking out of the lounge and it seemed like somebody
was continualy telling me to drive off and have a big
accident and kill myself. Instead I tapped somebody's
bumper in the parking lot.

Note that I later tested my reactions to heavy alcohol,
going out with friends and drinking twice as much as
I did the night I got arrested. This was much more
than I ever drink, but I still could see clearly, was
not blacking out, and had the good sense to be running
locationals etc. and not doing really stupid things
(although I probably sounded a little stupid), and
certainly would not have tried to drive. So the
entire drunk driving incident was very smelly.

Next of course I was in legal trouble and quite freaked
out. But then somebody was nice enough to spend a
romantic weekend with me. Some of the implant effects
then began to diminish. I remember feeling quite good
the following week, although I was still deeply in
love with TF8.

They must have found out (maybe from TF8) that I
was starting to feel better. Because then there is
another full scale rape incident, including the cocane
condum. They tell me I'm going to jail for the rest
of my life (I was super freaked out later in court).
They tell me that I will kill myself when TF8
rejects me (they hope that this will cause a suicide
even though a direct suicide command didn't). And
they tell me that I must not ever let that person
who visited me romantically come back again (and I
had a terrible and unexplainable reluctance to have
her here again until I spotted this, now I think the
opposite).

I think that that incident was around the end of
February and they got me by stopping me as I was
getting into my car and asking for directions. He
handed me a sheet of paper with the knockout phrase
written on it ("far too blue") and said "this is
where we are supposed to go but I can't figure it
out at all, can you?" And I said, "this isn't an
address" and he said "here, let me read it for you",
and soon I was in a trance and getting in the car
with them.

(Update - after writing this I meter dated it and
got March 3 and spotted that I was walking to my
car rather than as I was getting in it. And I
got that they used the same commands as the first
time except for the slight variation in the handwritten
section, which I noted above along with the commands
from the first incident).

I don't think that they've managed to implant me
since, but I'm still looking. Gradually I've had
more people around me, etc. and they probably thought
it was too risky.

(Update - after writing this I meter checked it
and found a third full SDH implant on Monday May 15th.
This time the handwritten began with "TF8 is
coming. She has cheated on you. You are a monster
to her. When she rejects you you will kill yourself".
According to the meter, there have been no more
implants after that.)

As for TF8, she finally arranged to get out here
despite the fear of flying by booking passage on
the Queen Elizabeth II. She booked it in early
April, but the trip was scheduled for the beginning
of June, and then she wanted to make some money
to pay for expenses.

And they probably need to prevent this and set it
up so that she will flinch from me because the
implant might start unraveling if we really got
together.

So a few weeks later she ends up on the date rape
cruise. Here again I am only guessing, but I would
assume that the **** millionaire was not an OSA
agent, but was known by OSA to be involved in drugs
and in doing this sort of thing. According to TF8,
he always seems to be in the news as far as being
in one kind of trouble or another. So they probably
had her agent (Bertie - I don't know if he's under
OSA's control or not) setup this damn thing to make
sure she was very screwed up. But of course I'm
not sure.

And it might be that after this they decided that it
was good for her to go to America, but also implanted
a command for her to be terrified of me or that I
was going to kill her or something so that she would
reject me and run and they might have hoped to trigger
a suicide on my side with that.

Another strange thing is her Endomitriosis. This
might also have been turned on by OSA. She said
that it first started in December but before she
contacted me, so she never thought it was related.
But maybe they had been setting this up in Decemenber
and had already gotten ahold of her.

They might also have implanted her to call the police.
It seemed like she had the normal citizen's reluctance
to call police etc. while she was in Switzerland, but
after she got here, she even wanted to call the
police on a motel manager for false advertising. It
seems like she has some strange behavior in this area
now too.

It seems to me that the procedure used by OSA was
called Sex-Drug Hypnosis or SDH. Maybe they used the
name sometime during the implanting.

I think that PDH is probably ineffective on a clear
because the pain has blown out of the bank. But
SDH will still work because sex hits buttons on
loss and emotion which a clear is still subject to.


==========

THE CURRENT SITUATION

As far as I go, my 2D case is still pretty heavily
stirred up but a whole bunch of somatics and charge
has come off from running this. Unfortunately it
was real case that did key in and simply spotting
that it was restimulated by this doesn't change the
facts of what was restimulated.

Specifically, OSA's fairy tale of having found my
soul mate and great love locked up on that old
Fairy Queen goddess that was soul mate to the Pilot
of old and the loss of having failed to find that
being still makes me terribly sad. Huge amounts
of old track went into restim and I still don't
know how to as-is something which is gone.

And of course my sex life has been so perverted by
these creeps that any sort of normal sex would be
a godsend.

But maybe I can start operating again.

If this is real and was done to me (I'm still having
trouble beliving it), then it has been used on others.
If enough people get stirred up and halfway remember,
then somebody will catch them at it and that will
rip the whole organization to pieces.

It is all too wierd to get my name wrapped up in
this right now on the net, so I put together an
anonymous post of an OSA bulletin describing how
to do SDH implanting and giving the command sheet
that they use. Maybe that will wake up some people.
Also it ensures that they can't keep the procedure
secret by bumping me off. I've already posted that
one just in case there is a leak on this comm line.

Probably it will just entertain the critics and
maybe forewarn some people. But it is possible that
all hell will break lose when it hits, so keep your
eyes on the newsgroups for the next few days.

It also occurs to me that an older experimental form
of this was used on Ron, possibly beginning in 1964
and done again in Rhodesia and again in Tangiers and
again in Sicily, at times when he was away from his
usual supporters. That might mean that CxIxA is
really doing it and is current running OSA. The
modern date rape drugs were not available then, but
the spy groups might have already had them. Or maybe
I'm just paranoid.

I'm also wondering about Miscaviage. I'm hearing good
things about him from when he first joined the Sea
Org. It is like he totally flipped and became a
raving psycho shortly afterwards. Maybe he was
implanted in this way and is even now being used.
Just idle speculation. But if it is true and the
OSA netsitters pass a copy of my anon post to him,
he might suddenly unravel and we might see fireworks.

And everybody should meter check if they've been SDHed.
And check if the read is being suppressed by an
implanted command. And if it does read, date locate
it and then run it out, and don't go witch hunting
just on a meter read without data, because the
concept has enough charge that it might read on
the very idea of it happening even if it didn't.
So run the incident before you cry wolf.

I haven't planned beyond this point yet. I am still
coming out of shock.

Update - The emotional bank is held in place by pleasure
moments (Self Anaylsis etc.). The losses are the ends
of the incidents. The thetan mocks up the losses compulsively
because he wouldn't let go of the earlier positive and
desirable things associated with the lost terminal.
Running self analysis can key out both the engramic and
the emotional banks.


Much ARC,

Ken Ogger aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++

(I posted this version of the implant description to the
newsgroup anonymously just incase anybody had had this done
to them.)


41) Jul 11, 2000

Posted anonymously -

> Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology,alt.clearing.technology
> From: [email protected] (FriendToLisa)
> Subject: OSA Sex Drug Hypnosis (SDH) Procedure


OSA SEX-DRUG HYPNOSIS (SDH) PROCEDURE


This is from the Secret Ops Hatting Pack used by The Church
of Scientology's Office of Special Affairs (OSA).

It is not only used on enemies but also on rebellious OSA
operatives and even occasionally on important RPFers.

If you suspect this has happened or get any somatics on
reading it, get a meter and check if you have been SDHed
and then check if the read is being suppressed by an
implanted hypnotic command.


- FriendToLisa

*************


SEX DRUG HYPNOSIS PROCEDURE


PDH is not effective on clears because the pain is blown
out of the bank. SDH works because the thetan is still
attached to sensation and will mockup compulsively if
the sensation is intense enough.

A hypno-drug such as Rohypnol is placed in the victim's
drink. This will bring about a hypnotic trance in twenty
to thirty minutes. The thetan is forcibly exteriorized
much further away than with ordinary drugs, usualy
resulting in total amnesia. The commands below ensure
that the incident cannot be date/located or run with
R3R.

Some form of come-along is then used to take the victim
to a hotel room. Since the victim will be very stupid
and suggestible at this point, it is often enough to say
that a beautiful girl is waiting to meet him or some
similar story.

Once in the hotel room, turn on the TV. Switch channels
and tap on the screen saying "This is the real world",
"This is happening now", and "This is where you really are"
so that the victim will be loaded with false pictures
to prevent spotting the real contents of the incident.
Try to find a science fiction movie with space aliens
so that the incident can also be mistaken for an alien
abduction.

Next the victim must be analy raped using a condom coated
with cocaine. It is essential to include sexual sensation
and a drug high in the incident to ensure that it remains
in permanent restimulation. The earliest implants are
held in place by pleasure instead of pain and the drug
will make the rape pleasurable instead of resisted.

If at all possible, the victim should not have an orgasm
so that there will also be a sexual frustration and pull-in
to ensure that the commands are not resisted. Female
victims especially should be watched carefully and the
operator must pull out if an orgasm seems immanent.

After the sex is completed, seat the victim upright and
read the following commands to them, stating each one
with tone 40 intention and shaking the victims shoulders
as each command is delivered.


ENGRAMIC PHRASES FOR USE IN DRUG HYPNOSIS

SECTION 1.

Here are your orders.

You must listen.
You must obey.
You need this.
This is for your own good.
You'll never run this out.
This will not react on any meter.
This will not react on a lie detector.
This will not react on any electronic device.
You musn't let anybody find out about this.
You musn't let anybody know about this.
You musn't let anybody suspect that this incident exists.
You can't find out about this.
You would die if you knew.
You will die if you tell.
There is no time.
There is no date.
There is no duration.
This incident doesn't exist.
You do not know that it is happening.
The end is the beginning.
The beginning is the end.
It's later than it is.
It's earlier than it is.
You are before the beginning.
You are after the end.
You are not where you think you are.
You are somewhere else.
You were never here in the first place.
This has happened before.
It is 86 trillion years ago.
It is one million years ago.
It is ten thousand years ago.
It is one hundred years ago.
It happened yesterday.
It happened tomorrow.
It happened before you were born.
The incident is over.
It never happened in the first place.
All you see here is blackness.
You cannot move to the incident.
You cannot move through the incident.
It is all too confusing.
We am here to help you.
We am here to help mankind.
This will enable you to help others.
This will enable you to survive.
You will obey my orders.
The survival of mankind is at stake.
You want to obey my orders.
Obeying me will set you free.
You have no will of your own.
You have no choice but to obey me.
Do not think about this.
You cannot believe that this has happened.
If you look at this you will find something else.
You cannot tell anybody about it.
You will die if you tell.
You will kill yourself if you try to tell.
You will become sick and die if you find out about this.
Your waking self cannot remember this.
Your unconsious self cannot forget this.
You will always hide this from yourself.
You will obey without thinking.
It is important to obey without thinking.
It is glorious to obey without thinking.
It is beautiful to obey without thinking.
It is successfull to obey without thinking.
It is responsible to obey without thinking.
By obeying me you will save the world.
Here are your orders.


SECTION 2.

Here you should insert any specific orders tailored
to the victim.


SECTION 3.

(For this a trigger phrase specific to the victim
should be prepared and carefully recorded on an
index card. The trigger phrase should be a nonsense
rhyme that is not too difficult for an operator to
say or remember but which will not occur in ordinary
conversation. It can be used to introduce a hypnotic
trance at a later date.)


Your conscious self is now in paradise.
All is wonderful.
Your dreams are fufilled.
What would you like to have?

(Note the answer down for future use.)

Whenever you return to paradise you will have it.
But you cannot go there by yourself.
Somebody else must send you.

When you hear this jingle twice,
You will return to Paradise.

(Read the trigger phrase from the index card.)

When you hear that phrase again,
You'll obey for its me or my men.

Here is the phrase again -

(Read the trigger phrase from the index card a second time.)

When you hear this, your conscious self will go to
Paradise and experience extasy while your unconsious
self recieves my orders which must be carried out or
else you will die.

Then I will tell you to come back to yourself and
awaken and then your conscious self will return from
paradise without remembering anything.

Only your unconsious self will remember this.

If anything about this begins to come into consciousness,
you will become tired and fall asleep.

Do you understand?

(The victim should say "Yes". If he does not, repeat
Section 3.)


SECTION 4.

My commands for you are complete. Be sure that you obey.

Then the victim is returned to normal surroundings.

If the operator is part of the normal surroundings,
say "Come back to yourself and awaken" and then resume
any conversation that was in progress when the hypnosis
was started.

Otherwise, pick some task for the victim to do and
say "When you (task), you will come back to yourself and
awaken." Then send the victim to do the task and leave
the area before the awakening is triggered.


********

++++++++++++++++++++++++


42) July 11, 2000

SDH RESPONSE

======

"OSA Sex Drug Hypnosis (SDH) Procedure" has hit on ARS and ACT.

Many of the critics think it is a troll.

It would not be a bad idea for people to suggest that even though
it might be a troll, it is worrysome enough that it should be
read carefully and meter checked anyway just in case.

Considering Grady Ward's wild sex rants against Miscavage, I
would not be surprised if SDH had been used on him resulting in
some subconsious association which inspired the rants.


Best,

Ken

++++++++++++++++++++++++


43) July 12, 2000


FOLLOWUP


The suicide urges are still gone. My concentration is better.
I seem to be more able to put my attention on work or on doing
something about the org although the 2D area remains in heavy
restim and of great interest. But now I feel like there are
alternatives and things can be handled rather than having the
feeling that I'm sliding down into a trap from which there is
no escape. And about half of my somatics have blown.

I am planning to start posting again on the net, at least a
little bit (maybe something inspiring and a humor post and
I can start gradually sorting through and posting the tech
stuff that I've been accumulating). Of course I am seriously
tight on time right now so don't expect a lot, but it would
seem like a good idea for me to at least make a bit of a show.

And I could not have concieved of doing that (writing a bit
and posting) a week ago, so there is another serious gain.

Between that and the significant meter reads I got on it, I
have to assume that the incident was real instead of dub-in
even though I still find it incredible and hard to believe.

As to TF8's comment about being puppets, I don't think that
it is that powerful. They had to setup things well and work
hard at it and direct commands to suicide etc. seemed to fail.

I could not find any time when I was triggered into a trance
by a phone call. Even when a phrase was used to put me
under, they always seemed to follow it with some kind of
drug dose, probably for fear that the incident would otherwise
surface too easily. And you can't give a person drugs over
the phone.

My actions were never truely robotic. Instead, false data
and foolish ideas were laid in and charge was stirred up and
the incidents were made to drop out of sight. It was nowhere
near as powerful as the stuff we see in movies like Telethon.

If something was done to TF8 years ago, it would not have
been to get me but would have been done for some other purpose.
However, once they had put in a trigger phrase, it could be
used again in recent times when they felt that they had a
need.

Everybody should meter check if a hypnotic trigger phrase
has been installed which would sent them into a trance or
which would "send them to paradise" or whatever. And always
check if the read was suppressed by hypnotic commands whenever
you check anything on this kind of incident. You don't have
to continually check that after locating the incident (it
will straighten out and begin reading properly), but only
while it is still hidden.

Note that when I meter checked for my own previously unsuspected
third time on this drug implant, the instant read was a huge
theta bop (probably because of the forcible exteriorization)
and after that it settled down to reading normally.

Maybe they just picked up TF8 in a resturant around the start
of the year, the same way they got me the first time. Or
perhaps they got copies of the keys to her apartment from
Rico (maybe just telling him they wanted to snoop, I doubt
that even an orthodox fanatic would tolerate doing something
like this drug implant).

=========

A few comments on TF8's response to my SDH message.

Note that the hotel is actually an extensive set of bungalows.
They drove off in a Mini-Van to the "lobby".

> THERE WAS A LOT OF WHISKY MISSING,

Definitely not me. I don't even like Whisky. And I didn't
touch AV's Vodka either.

> SO I DIDN`T TALK AND RAN JUST OFF.

Could have sat in the mini-van, prepared to drive if I
did not talk calmly.

> THE POLICE TOLD YOU LATER TO WALK DOWN AND CALL A CAB.

Yes. Long dark walk. Then waiting for half an hour on
Hollywood Blvd. waiting for the cab at 3 AM and only
an occasional very wierd character walking by. Scary
actually.

> OF COURSE WHILE RUNNING BLEEDING,BAREFEET AND IN DEEP
> SHOCK I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF ALL THIS!

It would have been reasonable to park the van at a
distance (long drive down to the lobby) and sit and
calm down and then maybe go back and look.

> DON`T TELL ME THEY WOULD DRUG ME DAILY OR PHONE ME DAILY
> AND I WOULD FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING AND MY PHONE HAD TO
> BE UNDER CONTROL ETC,ETC....

No. They got me into chronic 2D keyin during December by
doing this SDH business just once at the end of November
(the second time was not until much later). I was processing
endlessly, but the implanted commands that "The processing
doesn't work. Everything just keys in again." caused all
of the remaining case in the area to key back in again after
every release point.

> THEY WOULD HAVE TO GO TO SEVERAL COUNTRIES AND HYPNOTIZE
> SEVERAL PEOPLE TO SET UP A THING LIKE THAT.

**** had a different technique and seemed like he would be
a regular at exploliting people. I assume that he already
had his own agents and gangster connections. They might
only have had to make a suggestion in the right ear, or
maybe to trade favors.

My reactions on Friday were way out of proportion. I have
been rejected before, and with the same kind of button (and
I had warned TF8 that such a thing does upset me). My
usual response would have been to ARC break and maybe say
something nasty and that would be it. And TF8's reactions
were way out of proportion too. I was only in a rage for
a few minutes and made no move towards her and I had been
sleeping on her couch for days and we had been talking for
half a year, so she should have known better than to actually
fear physical harm from me.

So I'm pretty sure that both our minds had been screwed
around with. I suspect that she was implanted with something
like my being a maniac who would kill her or something like
that. I don't think they could have done this SDH thing
on her more than a few times.

=========


This whole thing is still unbelievable to me. I hope that
people are meter checking this. I'd really like to know if
anybody finds the same sort of incident.

I wonder if something like this was used on some of the
freezoners around LA. I doubt that they would be doing
this in other US cities, except maybe for Clearwater.
I doubt that there are more than a few teams hatted up
to do this. I would expect it to be secret even from most
of OSA.


Best,

Ken Ogger aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


44) July 13, 2000


VARIOUS

=======

ON SDH -

Things seem to be getting a bit better in life. Simply a good
indicator, especially considering the SDH stuff I just sent you.

Note that the only real "proof" is the case improvement I seem
to have gotten. This could happen on something being half
right, so I couldn't actually swear that it was OSA, but
certainly something was done and some effects have now blown.

I did spot a few more items that were used in the SDH implanting.

You're only imagining this.
You would go crazy if you found out about this.
The incident never began.
The incident never ended.

=======

ABOUT HEBER

After talking about SDH, two different people have mentioned
to me the startling change that seemed to occur in Heber Jentz.
According to one, he was staying with somebody in the Hollywood
Hills when it happened.


=======

THE PARTY

**** sent out the following party report. I thought you
might like to hear it.


> Hi Everyone!
>
> July 4th was a wonderful day for the +/- 50 people who showed up at my
> house, laden with sumptuous culinary delights!
> For those of you who were out of town, ill, or otherwise couldn't make
> it, I thought you'd likto know. A sense of easy familiarity permeated
> the party. The children were well behaved and mostly played in the
> pool My son Jeffrey ran Security; there wasnt a single hitch or
> problem. Mid-party some guests brought p[iles of things to barbecue and
> I didnt have one, so Jeff ran out to the market and bought one, set it
> up and without even an apron, barbecued for all!
> I wont list all the guests, but we had several 50's pioneers, old Class
> 8-12's, famous squirrel innovators, bright new defectors, and many dear
> ones we had almost forgotten.
> The weather was perfect, about 86 with a slight breeze.
> I enjoyed myself so much that I am planning to do it again next year.
> I'll collect additional emails over the year. Invitees are exclusively
> ex-scientologists and their supporters.
> For you who were here, it was wonderful to see you; thanks for making it
> such a fine day!
> With Affinity,
> ****


=======

TECH ON GAMES -

Although its all a game, not everybody is interested in playing
or winning the games they joined.

Some people go to play bingo wanting to win at it. Others go
to meet girls or to observe the people or just because they
like the church or whatever where it is being played.

This is not malicious but simply that many people are not
playing the agreed upon game but have another game of their
own going.

It might be interesting to spot why one is playing a particular
game. Is that really the game of interest or is there actually
some other game you are actually playing.

======


Best,

Ken Ogger aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


45) July 17, 2000

WHAT'S UP AND A GREAT PROCESS


Note that I'm nowhere near back to normal. I doubt that that
will happen until I have some sort of stable girlfriend, and
the way things look right now, that may not happen for a long
time (hopefully I will have some transient relationships
in between).

My case on 2D is still in heavy restim. The case I have in
the area is not OSA's doing, they could only stir up what was
already there. But I do seem to be able to run the charge
off more easily and with more stable gains since I ran that
OSA incident (see PT Consideration Processing, below).

I have had an occasional sucidal impulse. I do have that
linked with no-sex right down at some inaccessible rock bottom
layer. But what happens now is that if I feel that way, I
think about it for a moment and decide that dropping the body
wouldn't really help the situation and the urge passes. This
is in great contrast to the way things were before running
the SDH stuff. What was happening was that when an impulse
like that would hit, I would just go reactive and be locked
into it for days. In other words, an idle thought would trigger
a huge mass of charge and persist instead of just fleeting by
without harm.

I cannot even guarantee that the SDH thing was real.

The positive indicators are that it read well on the meter and
some things vanished casewise. In fact, running it created
more case change than the entirity of everything else I've
run this year (solo or run on me by another) added together.
Also I'm finding it possible to concentrate on other things
to some slight degree and a few things in life have even
gotten a bit better.

The negative indicators are that my havingness is still below
zero, the heavy charge on inval and loss are as bad as before,
and I'm still messed up in the 2D area. These are major case
areas to be solved and they (loss & inval) are needed for
everybody in various areas.

But proper case handling would be to keyout what is in PT so
that the person can live life and then go for grades and major
errasure when the person is doing better and capable of
running faster and deeper. For example, if the person has lost
his job, you blow locks and help him get a new job rather than
trying to run out money and exchange and so forth so that he
can operate without needing a job. So I shouldn't be trying
to run out the 2D urges or errase every loss on the track. It
is too long a runway.

Also, I will not trust that SDH incident until I've at least
started sleeping with somebody because I might be twisting
things due to must-haves or justifiers or whatever.

I think that there has to be some truth to the incident because
it read so well and caused so much change. But maybe it is
half right. For all I know, there might be some great wizard
in the magic universe who hit me with that platen and then also
included false pictures of OSA doing it to me to keep me from
spotting him. My bet is still that it was OSA and was real
in this universe, but it is not the only possiblity.

For that reason, I would prefer that if you want to pass the
incident around for checking on people, you should use the
anonymous version that I posted to the newsgroup rather than
my personal writeup. However you can say that it was actually
researched by meter read in the freezone rather than being
leaked by OSA.

I do finally feel that I should start writing and posting a
bit to the net, but at most I hope to get a few half-assed
things out there because my tone is really too low. I just
don't want to give OSA the satisfaction of having shut me
up completely.

As to girls, the negative bouncing effect does seem to have
vanished. This is a pleasant surprise and it does indicate
that there were crazy things happening with my flows before.
So I'm meeting some without driving them off.

But I still haven't met my not-so-hidden standard of starting
a relationship with somebody, so there is more out of sight
that I haven't handled yet.

So I came up with the following fantastic process -


PT CONSIDERATION PROCESSING

In the real world, one needs to have enough comm lines and
possibilities for improved luck to open up opportunities.
It usually wouldn't work to just sit home and process. And
improving physical factors will widen the window of what
can come in.

But it is a mistake to think that one must have first or
handle everything to perfection. You could be perfect and
have everything necessary and still fail because case charge
is making your luck so bad that everything goes wrong.

I've been analyzing this based on my experience getting a
job after being on staff. The first time I blew, in 1969,
I was super high toned, a bit of a keyed out OT, and in
power change. I landed a job as a cost accountant instantly
(hired on the spot) with no education, no background, no
experience, etc. And it was an excellent job too, better
paying and with more benefits and amenities and in a nicer
atmosphere than I got later. If I'd had any sense I might
have stayed there instead of going back on NY staff because
I might have become a vice president for Monsanto fairly
easily.

This is like being a real wreck on the 2D with all sorts of
outpoints and having a fantastic girl fall all over you anyway.
It can happen if your luck is good and your postulates stick.
Especially if you have tremendous potential.

Then there is the second time I tried for an accounting job.
That was after I finished my NY staff contract. And this
time I was beaten into the ground and loaded with charge
from staff, and I found it impossible to get a job.

I was willing, in fact desperate, to work, and I was just
as skilled as before (and even looked more valuable because
I had the Monsanto job on my resume) but the tons of charge
resulted in terribly bad luck and it took me over a year
to get a decent job (I did some crap work in between).

It would have been a gross mistake to spend years going back
to college, etc. to improve my qualifications, especially
as I was really more able (IQ, staff experience, self study)
than any of the people graduating with degrees anyway.

So I had to blow through the ridges, which eventually I
did, but it took far too long.

The right thing to do would be to have blown all the extra
considerations on working that I had picked up during that
later time on staff. Because it was kicking there under the
surface. I had all sorts of illogical things deep in my
gut which were making subconsious flinches and counter-postulates
in the area. Things like flinching at wrong data, bad
policies, late night bulk mailings, no pay, heavy ethics,
etc. None of those flinches really applied to the jobs I
was looking for later, but the flinches were still there
blocking my flows.

And I can now see that this is the exact parallel with my
current 2D situation, where I accumulated tons of flinches
from the many years with Ann. All sorts of stuff which really
wouldn't apply to most other girlfriends, but are still sitting
there and messing up my postulates.

So I came up with the following:

"Spot A Consideration That Is Affecting Your Flows In (area)"

For each answer, get Itsa, Earlier Similar Itsa until it
keys out. Usually these will blow by inspection. If not,
concentrate on spotting Time, Place, Form and Event where
the consideration was picked up. If O/W comes up, use
What, When, All, Who. If not-isness turns on (something
there but can't spot it), use "What are you afraid will
appear". Other rudiments, such as ARCXs, can also be used.
Or if it is something being protested, alternately protest
and admire it a few times (this will work as a rudiment).

Note that we want things that are affecting him in PT or
affected him recently while trying to operate in the area.
But the source of the consideration might be very old.

If at all possible, we want to stay at the level of blowing
locks because we are asking for his entire keyed-in case
in the area. This will keep raising up things that were
previously unsuspected but are affecting his current
postulates.

It is possible, however, that there is some heavy recent
incident such as my SDH one. That would have blocked this
process because the flinch would have been too great. But
some piece of the incident might have come slightly into
view, and if that had happened, the right action would have
been to shift over to incident running. But I would only
recommend that on a recent heavy incident which is blocking
the area. Once it is out of the way, go back to the PT
Consideration process because it runs like dynamite.

It is obvious now that everything I was running before was
bypassing charge on the SDH incident and therefore was not
running well. I was not even thinking to do obvious things
like blowing protests as they showed up. If you see a case
spinning the way I was, suspect that there is some hidden
super heavy incident prior to the first moment of spin.



Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


46) July 19, 2000

SOME RESULTS


Running the PT Considerations rundown has been bringing various
things into view.

Note that the idea is to follow up on sources of considerations
rather than simply following down chains of figure figure.

Where applicable, I'm launching off into major handlings sparked
by a single consideration.

For example, I came up with a consideration on BT or fragment
exchange that might be present during sex and launched off into
a big handling, checking for connections to old 2Ds etc. I didn't
find any BTs rubbing off, but I did find a natural fragment
exchange with high ARC 2Ds and it seemed desirable and valuable
rather than an abberation. But all of my 2Ds except for the
second marriage to Ann ended on good terms and with continuing
ARC, so these seemed like helpful theta links to be left in
place. In other words, you keep a bit of your old loves with
you. The exception was Ann, and there were still connections
with her (my fragments on her and her's on me) and it did seem
like these were causing trouble for both of us, so I blew them
with "point too" plus an acknowledgement of the prior ARC that
had been there when they were created.

Also note that this fragment exchange did not seem like it occured
during mechanical sex but only happened if there was very high
ARC and an energy flow on other levels beyond the physical.

Another odd thing I spotted was a flow of dispair and "abandon
all hope" which seemed to originate from a point about a million
miles away in the direction of the sun. There is a null
gravity point along the line from the earth to the sun at the
spot where the two gravitational pulls are exactly equal and
a station or satillite could remain there perfectly (just like
the L5 point and the trojan points etc.). So I suspect that
there is some mechanical/telepathic broadcast from there which
is part of the prison planet machinery. It was beefing up
my 2D charge during the early afternoons, and that stopped when
I spotted it. Note that it was not a 2D wave but just something
which would encourage hopelessness on whatever topic the person
was feeling hopeless about.

I found that there were games active, enforced by fragment exchange
and interconnected lines between people. The nastiest of these
were of the type that I wrote up in Super Scio as the 5 way
oppose GPMs, with their intentional use of a "victim who suffers"
role that gets "accidentally" hit by mistake when the terminal
tries to hit the true opterm. But there were older games as
well, with other patterns.

I didn't try and research out all this games/GPMs charge but
simply took each line / fragment / role (valence) that showed
up for a game that might be affecting PT and said "Thank You,
Game Over, You've Won, Be Free" until the cycle ended. Note
that I don't think it is wise to be involved in games that you
are no longer aware of and there didn't seem to be any penalty
for win/lose on these things, so you might as well tell them
that they've won.

But the big thing that showed up had to do with PR. I am very
negative PR and so I figured that I had big overts on the subject
way back on the track. It seemed reasonable to assume that
this was tied into the collapse of an actual GPM where I was
using PR heavily and I finally realized that it was while I
was living the goal "To Be Successful", where I had tons of
bad track as a politician etc.

And note that the PR button is where I continually flub on
all dynamics, including a weakness in PRing the self clearing
book as well as my inability to PR myself as a good 2D.

As the charge and overts came off, I began to realize things
about PR, and here is what I spotted.


EXCITEMENT AND PR


Strong PR creates excitement by painting a grand illusion.

You cannot sell people on the mundane drudgery of life.

What is already real is inadequate to theta's goals.

To bring about better realities you need agreement. These
things are not real until after you get the agreement.

And so you present a grand illusion as if it was reality
and then see if you can get enough agreement to bring it
about.

Dishonest PR presents an unattainable illusion and ARC breaks
people when the truth comes out.

Inadequate PR only presents the limitations of harsh
reality.

Strong PR extends reality with wishes and dreams that might
be brought about as the ideas gather agreement. And you must
be capable of delivering enough so that people will feel
satisfied as to exchange even though the product is not
quite as good as it was promoted as.

This does mean exaggerating things and building excitement.

"The Music Man" is a good example. A dishonest crook would
take the money and run, and that is where the real overts lie.
But you would never sell the town on having a "band" if you
explained how terrible it would sound etc. It did take the
exaggerated and glorious picture that the promoter painted
to get the show on the road. And so the grand illusion
caused a real thing to manifest even though the reality was
far less than the picture painted.

Reality will always be less than dreams.

Sell the dreams and then make sure that the reality is at
least adequate to be in-exchange.

With low prices and good sessions and good case gain in the
early 70s, the public was happy with the auditing even though
the results were less than the PR claimed.

The real overts were when the delivery failed (the quickies
of 1969) or when the prices went way out of line with actual
delivery (late 70s onward).

When I ran charge off the goal "to be successful", I found
that I succeeded at many worthwile projects by promoting
them with beefed up illusions and people were happy with the
results despite falling short of the mark.

If you have a settlement and the people must plant potatos,
you don't get them to do it by extolling the glories of
mucking around in the dirt or by reminding them that they
will need something to eat in the winter. Instead you
promote a grand Thanksgiving feast and build up excitement.
And maybe the feast is grand or maybe the Indians turn out
to be on the warpath that week and you do the best you can,
but either way, the result is that there is food for the
winter.

The overts don't start until you decide that you can get
away with selling the ideas and not bothering to deliver.
And that road is such a bad one to walk down that I still
have trouble saying something good about myself without
adding a desparaging remark to kill the PR effect. So
don't make that mistake.

But also don't make the mistake that I have been doing of
going negative on PR to balance out old bad karma. Run
the overts out instead.

Note that everything in Self Clearing and Super Scio is
understated rather than exaggerated. I was working hard
to balance out the org's excessive PR. Now I think that
I went too far in that direction. Any chapter in either
of those books, done thoroughly, will do as much as the
entirity of UCP or Trom or whatever.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


47) July 26, 2000


MORE BREAKTHROUGHS


Temporarily Confidential (until I get this all sorted out)


1. SEX ADDITCTION

I finally confronted the fact that I'm acting like an addict
in the area of sex.

It was the long decades of continual and intense sex while I
was married and the fact that tons of case got suppressed
under that. Upon removing the solution, all the suppressed
charge hits at once.

To some degree I was reacting to Ann like an addict reacts
to a pusher. I would put up with anything from her (cats etc.)
as long as I kept getting my fix.

The case handling is, of course, a prior assement, or a
similar assessment of what was suppressed by ...

The trouble, of course, is that it is a huge percentage of
my entire case (loss, inval, ARCXs, service facs, somatics,
and on and on) is on that prior assessment list.

So in theory I'm in the same position as before, needing to
have sex to build up enough horsepower to process out the
reasons that I need to have sex.

But when I finaly laid this out clearly, it seemed to calm
me down and I've been making better progress case wise
(see the various breakthroughs below).

Since this indicated so well, I followed this up by getting
on a meter and checking that OSA incident again. It still
reads as real. It also reads as only being a secondary
source that intensified the "sex addiction" by a factor of
ten to one, so that it was in heavy daily restim instead of
only being occasionally in restim. Also, I couldn't find
any more significant charge coming from the OSA incident,
it does seem like it is flat.

This was on Saturday. And as long as I was on the meter, I
decided to try oieji boarding it a bit on the future. So I
meter checked when a 2D might show up and I got that I would
get a phone call Monday night at 8PM. And much to my surprise,
a girl did call at that time. We'll see what comes of that.

In the meantime, a ton of material started running off
fairly easily (see below).



2. SERVICE FACS / COMPUTATIONS

The general process, also useable as a rudiment, is "How does ...
serve you" alternated with "How has that failed".

This works on pictures (true "service facsimilies" or pictures
of incidents that he hangs onto) and on things he uses to gain
sympathy etc. as well as the normal service computations ("They're
wrong" etc.) run on grade 4.

Also note that KJ2 occasionally asks "how does that serve you"
or similar questions about fragments, and sometimes it is the
right thing to ask, so there are also service entities or
fragments.

Experimentation is needed in this area, but the basic is that
if something is of service to the pc, then you find out how
it is of service.


3. VICTIM HANDLING

The mess with Ann got me acting like a victim on the 2D and
I've been pulling in victim type stuff ever since.

So I devised the following, which runs like dynamite.

a) What might a victim do on the 2D
b) What might a causative person do on the 2D

This is run alternately, and other areas besides 2D can
be run.


4. FREE CHOICE

Basic Basic ability is free will / free choice. After the
initial split from static, the only difference between beings
is that they MAY choose differently from each other. This
is the only deliniating factor and what makes you an
individual, namely that each of us made different choices.

The locking together of the ARC triangle reduces free choice.
It is an attempt to convince you that if you like somebody,
then you are supposed to communicate with them. If you comm
with somebody, then you are supposed to like them. If you
like them, then you are supposed to agree with them, etc.

The ARC triangle is the first layer of abberation. The
individual factors are not abberative, but rather it is the
tying together of these factors in an arbitrary manner.


5. KEY PROCESS FOR INVALIDATION

I finally found it. This beefs up the inval grade by an
order of magnitude and runs well as a rudiment too. It is
run alternately.

a) What has invalidated you in (area).
b) What has not invalidated you in (area).

Or "on (subject)" can be substituted for "in (area)".

As the invals come into view, they reduce in intensity,
and the "not inval" gives him the horsepower to keep
running. And since positive factors don't errase, he
keeps bringing more positives into PT while uncreating
negatives until the entire thing overbalances. The
process is flat when he feels that nothing could
invalidate him in the area.


6. FUTURE CREATE

What keeps the person pinned down on this time track and
compulsively creating future for himself here is the
mockup of potential future.

Attention can stick on a hoped for future just as it
can stick on an incident in the past. And the stick
on desirable future will run earlier on the track and
therefore is more basic on stuck attention.

If there is attention stuck on a particular desired
future, then alternate spotting / mocking up different
desirable futures.

The pc may have been given a promise of something in
the future to keep him here in the present reality, and
it might contain false data or intentional mysteries
etc.

======


Hope this helps,

Ken Ogger,

aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

48) July 27, 2000

FAILURE


It feels like nothing has worked and I'm just as bad off as
I was back at the start of December.

I'd managed to keyout last weekend and remained that way until
yesterday (Wednesday), resulting in finding the processes
listed in the message titled "MORE BREAKTHROUGHS" yesterday.

====

Background - I'd handled charge Saturday night and Sunday
morning and I had the meter reading on the idea that my
next 2D would phone me at 8PM on Monday night. So I was
both keyed out and had hopes for immediate relief from the
physical scene. In fact I was so certain on that Monday
reaction that I almost didn't go over to the dance club
with **** Sunday night. But I had the feeling that I should
go and so I did and immediately turned on heavily to a girl
named GH7. But she dropped me at the end of the evening
and I didn't even have proper contact info, so I figured
that I was just warming up for somebody else who would call
on Monday. Except that it was her calling (and she said
that she never calls guys) at the exact time that was reading
on the meter. And every damn thing was lining up as we
talked, including heavy interest in New Age stuff and
understanding of the conflict with Scn (she is not a Scientologist
but knows somebody who spent hundreds of thousands of dollars
on the bridge etc.).

So I figured that this was a real 2D showing up on a theta
line rather than just a hot item that I was turned on to
physically. We talked again on Tuesday and setup a dinner
date for Wednesday and everything was reacting at maximum.
But come Wednesday she stood me up and then called very late
and had completely forgotten about the date and seemed to
have forgotten a lot of our previous conversation as well
and was pushing very hard about how we should be just friends.

Maybe just bad luck. Maybe my case reaching out in some sort
of subconcious OT manner and aligning the world against me.
Maybe some crazy attack on a psychic level aimed at anyone
who might connect with me and break me out of the trap.

Got me feeling suicidal. Almost as bad as before. Except
that the instantaneous determination to do it (which I still
think came from the OSA implant) was not present (if it had
been, I think I'd be dead now), but only the general tone and
despair.

I really don't think that life is worth living right now and
hasn't been all year.

But this time I pulled myself out by doing the sensible
action of making an archive file of these confidential
messages (you'll recieve it shortly, after I add this message
to it) so that the next researcher will have some sort
of clue. That worked because my own suicidal impulses
are not so urgent without the OSA amplification.

But note that the ways I broke out of the two absolute
impulses (which I think were hypnotically enhanced trigger
points) are not methods that I will use again. The first
one was the absolute on New Year's Eve, and I broke out
of it by drinking enough to pass out. A few weeks later
I got the DUI arrest. I wouldn't take that path again.
And the other absolute was that night with TF8 and I
sidestepped it by going into a rage. I wouldn't repeat
that again either. I can count the number of times I've
been in a rage this lifetime on the fingers of one hand.
I just don't believe in acting that way. And frankly,
if I had either of those to relive again, I'd just go
ahead and drop the body because there has not been anything
worth living for at anytime in this entire year.


====

However, I had just had 5 days where I was super keyedout
and full of hope.

So I looked over those 5 days carefully.

The damn sexual restim was there chronically. And I was
FNing and happy enough that I'm sure that I was not mocking
it up. But the body was constantly kicking me in the teeth.

Probably about once every hour or so, there would be a
heavy craving / need / sexual flow from the body that would
last for five to fifteen minutes. This would always destroy
my concentration, but during those good 5 days, I would
simply hold onto the certainty that I'd be out of this soon
and not turn on any case or figure-figure and I'd just ride
it out and get back to what I was doing when the attack
was over.

Previously, when I was keyed in, this physical flow would
stir up my case and I'd be spinning on loss and despair
and all sorts of other case charge, and that would stay
keyed in so that the restimulation seemed to be continuous.

But for once, I was not keying in my case at all and so I
could see that the true physical wave was not continuous
but only periodic.

It does seem like a physical sexual addiction as I mentioned
in the previous post. It has been there almost every waking
hour of almost every day (and waking me up occasionally at
night too) since December. The only exception was for
about two weeks in February where it was completely absent
(see the message called "Better" from that time period).

It does seem like a normal sexual need magnified ten times
both in freequence and intensity. It seems physical. It
may have come from the OSA thing, but it did not run out
although I think the charge is gone on the incident. It
might be like having run an accident where one lost a leg
and the leg doesn't come back even though the incident errased.

Or maybe it is simply the middle-aged crazys. In that
case, heaven help us because maybe I am worse than normal
due to errasing too much willingness to succumb and age
quietly away.

Or on the other hand, maybe something is being beamed at
me on a telepathic level. There was that thing I wrote
up back in January as a psychic attack, and although I
suspect that it was only on a theta level rather than
physical, a heavy nervous somatic pretty much disappeared
after running it and more recently I've occasionally
blown an entity along those same lines, so maybe there
was something to this.

As to trying to resolve the OSA thing vs the psychic
attack, I got orders of magnitude more case gain running
the OSA one, so it has more reality for me. But both
could be true, or maybe the psychic attack was very
extensive and included inspiring OSA to launch a physical
attack as well. I just don't know enough to say for
sure.

====

I do talk to damn much to prospective 2Ds. It does
seem like rasing ARC is a reverse action, leading to
the horrible EP of girls wanting to be friends. I
suppose that one is just supposed to screw blindly
and then find out if one likes the person or not. But
thinking that just makes me feel like damning everyone
here to hell and leaving.

I do feel completely lost and alone. Friends are fine
but there is nobody intimate.

Right now I again feel hopeless, and the continual
physical keyin stirs up heavy and endless loss and
misemotion. Oddly enough, the inval seemed to disappear
with that process yesterday.

But, despite evidence to the contrary, I don't feel like
I've made any gains whatsoever during the entire year.
And I don't think that anything or anybody has helped
at all (with the exception of that one weekend in
February) even though there has been some magnificent
work done on the house etc. It is like I am
walking in hell and I don't percieve anything except for
the fact that the flames are still roaring up into the
sky.

Anyway, I'm ok right now, so don't worry. But I was
spinning badly enough this morning that I thought I
should put together the archive and sum up the current
situation for the next researcher just in case.

Best,

Ken
aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


49) July 28, 2000 JUMPED BACK UP


Maybe I should be sorry about the low tone of the last message.
But I'm not. Real understanding requires confronting the lows
as well as the highs. And its good to have the low points
on record for future analysis.

Of course I analyze everything to death. That makes it all
twice as slow and painful. But that is my specialty, and if
you make it out that way, it can't happen again against your
will because you have full understanding.

I didn't send the archive yet because after I sent the last
message, there was a moment of quiet because I'd gotten off
all the miserable surface level considerations. And somehow
or other I got sideways of the whole mess briefly, a sort
of exteriorization, and I spotted some things. So I thought
that it would be better to follow up and get a high toned
message at the end of the archive before sending it.

That business about raising ARC with a girl putting me into
the friend's zone has been a perpetual source of ARC breaks
for me. It seemed to me that raising ARC should increase the
desire for sex rather than decreasing it. It just wouldn't
compute.

Pure lack of understanding on my part. In fact, from this I
could almost say that the underlying source of ARC breaks
(not the current reason for the break, but the generator that
leads to continual ARC breaks) is a basic mis-understanding
on a mechanism of life (not an MU, but a misduplication of
a true mechanism, like completely missing the mechanics of
the tone scale etc.)

What I had missed is that there is a scale on sex which has
a zero or null point in the middle.

If you raise ARC and sex decreases (obviously insane), then
you are dealing with somebody who is on a reverse vector,
below zero, who is coming up to the zero point. The indicators
work in reverse when you are below zero.

And most people on Earth are below that zero point. They are
having sex as and with bodies (I've only done that twice in my
whole life - it was awful) rather than as spirit/mind/body
composites.

But I'm only a hairsbreath positive on that scale. I'm just
above the null death point and I'm resisting dying in the
area. So I have a huge non-confront on the 2D death position.

As an analogy, consider 1D death. I'm in the position of
somebody who is just a hairsbreath above death and has
terrible flinches at dead bodies. And if the people around
me were below death, and I raised ARC, they would come up
to being dead and I would flinch terribly, making it impossible
to get them really upscale or even operate in any kind of normal
social mode.

To be immortal, you'd damn well better confront dead bodies.
Of course you'd better confront live ones too. And sex as
well since so much of the regeneration capabilities flow
through the second chakra.

And to move up a scale by gradients, you can't have a stuck
point that you can't confront or more through. In fact, if
a gradient approach is not working (and it was not working
for me on 2D), it means that there is a stuck point that needs
to be handled first (like not being able to run an incident
because the pc is stuck on the track).

My non-confront was a total flinch at the no-sex dead position
on the 2D.

On the 1D, I can confront dead bodies. I can confront being
dead. It is because I know that I'm not the body, and that
it is only a brief transition stage that one passes through.
If I thought that I was the body and would end with it, I would
have terrible trouble facing up to bodily death.

For me, death on the 2D is death as a thetan. Obviously I have
a slight misconception, confusing myself with my relations
to another terminal. And here I don't mean ending a 2D (I can
have that, just as somebody might confront changing bodies as
long as they didn't have to go around bodyless), which is alright
as long as there is another 2D, but being in a dead state where
there is no 2D.

Low scaled people, themselves dead on the 2D, telling me to
abandon sex, was about like having a cemetary full of zombies
encouraging me to kill myself so that I could be as happy as
they were. Ugh.

But they were right in that I have to confront no-sex to have
sex. But true death as an absolute is too heavy for somebody
near death to face. They are only hanging on by one last
fingernail and will not let go of that no matter what you run.
However, it can be faced as a scale position. In fact it
becomes almost easy if you look at it as a null point to shift
through on your way to something better.

Confront does not require liking or true ARC. This weekend,
we confronted and handled a whole lot of cat shit. It does
not mean that one has to enjoy the state of cat shit. But
one does need to confront it to get it out of there. And
in the same way, a scale position can be confronted without
having to like it or desire to remain in it. But one does
have to confront it to be able to handle it and move out of
it.

Anyway, this not only brings into view a lot of processes that
I could solo, but also shows a lot of interesting things that
I could do in getting a 2D started. My feeling is that it is
like moving from a position of confusion over to using the
tone scale while relating to people.

Speaking of the tone scale, the right way to raise tone is
to match tones in agreement rather than in opposition. If you
are handling somebody who is angry, you don't get angry at
them. Instead you get angry at something else, together
with them, so that you and the other person are in agreement
about being angry at ...

Another thing that came into view when I got exterior to this
mess was the huge mass of stuck and reversed flows that I have
physically. I'm pretty sure that it did result from that OSA
business. It is a bit out gradient for me to fix on a processing
basis (about like regrowing a missing limb), but it all should
flip around and discharge bit by bit with an adequate amount
of normal sex. Even that single weekend back in February
had major effects in unsticking flows, blew some things that
haven't come back, and handled as much as a few hundred hours
of processing would have. So I'm optimistic about shifting
back to normal physically once I get through this. And I could
also see better why positive sex (meaning ARC and energy
interchanges as well as bodily involvement) tends to have
a rejuvenating effect by handling stuck flows and raising
bodily confront.

PS. RL3 is quite right about confronting Mest at my house
this last weekend. I took Friday and Monday off from work and
put in 4 days on handling crap. And on Sunday, we were up
to six people (counting myself and my sister) thanks to RL3.
The place is like night and day compared to before (although
there is still tons to be done).

However he's wrong about how advanced Freezone is. We have
hardly scratched the surface yet compared to the real capabilities
of a thetan. A lot more research is needed before we are
walking through walls on a regular basis. I'm not saying
that I'm the one, but you damn well better plan on having
somebody pushing forward. And my biggest missing data is
on what screwups happened with Ron casewise in the later
days. Where an earlier researcher went off the rails is
the most important thing to a later researcher because he
needs it to save his own ass.


PPS. For the first time in ages my tone is high enough to
do a bit of real humor. So I made up a dirty Chess joke
over lunch -

What was Casanova's winning Chess move?

Pawn eats Queen. Queen defects to the opposition.


PPPS. That Inval process I sent you a few days ago may be
the biggest tech breakthrough of the year. It might seem
trivial, but its like discovering the ARC break assessment.
Even though GH7's "rejection" dropped me to suicidal
level, I didn't actually feel invalidated, but instead
looked for a real source of what had happened, and that
yielded the above stuff which now has me completely blown
out.

And with what I now know, I'm already getting GH7 shifted
off of the stuck point (tech even works via email), and I'm
loaded with ideas and experiments to try the next time RL3
and I hit the dance club (hint to RL3 - maybe tonight? I
don't want to build up a must have on a single terminal).


Best,

Ken,

aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++

50) Aug 1, 2000 ON MAILING LISTS, LTA, ETC.


======

>From SA3 on Saturday -

> In all seriousness - and I'm VERY serious now for change:
>
> IF YOU EVER PUT THIS SHIT THAT YOU'RE PUTTING OUT ON THIS PRIVATE
> MINI-LIST INTO THE PUBLIC DOMAIN, I WOULD CONSIDER YOU AN ENEMY
> OF SPIRITUAL FREEDOM.
>
> Physician, heal thyself.
> (and if you can't, shut up!)

This IS why I'm not posting to the newsgroup this year.

I can't shut up because then it does become hopeless. Instead
I am struggling to heal myself. Which means talking. But not
in public, because it would damage freezone.

You are the people I trust most. If you can tolerate it, I
would like you to stay onboard.

I also trust (...), and anytime he wants it, he can have a
copy of the stuff on this list, but he asked me not to tell
him private stuff, and so I have left him off. Note that he
was the first person I told my real name to, years before it
came out on the net, and he never betrayed that trust, but
he does not want to have to keep secrets.


======

>From EX1 on Monday -

> On another point this list of mail addresses is getting a bit
> unwieldy: I can set up a private mailing list if needed and wanted.

Yes EX1, it would be great if you setup such a list and I could
just email to one place.

The unwieldy CC line was not being a problem to me, but I put
together an archive file of everything "temporarily confidential"
that I wrote to date and it ended up being about 300K. And then
I discovered that I can't get it to transmit through excite.com.

I can send a 300K email (or 2 half sized ones of 150K each)
by doing a direct transmission to an email address without using
any email programs, but then I'm not going through a server and
so I can't CC. And that means that I would have to send out 11
copies individually (first pulling the MX record and then targetting
to each of your email servers). That is too much work, so it would
be nice to have a single destination. Unfortunately, my super
homebrew transmission tools are all oriented to sending many
messages to one destination (like ACT) rather than sending one
message to many destinations.

=====

And YZ6's reply to EX1's message -

> Sounds nice. Your suggestion made me wonder what the purpose of
> this "list" is.
> To help the Pilot? To give him a comm line to some close terminals
> (I guessed this was the original purpose, before his wicked wife
> revealed his identity ) ? Or to form a forum for tech
> discussions. If we do make it a list, lets make it very secret,
> and membership only by The Pilot's invitation.
> When I first came on Internet, **** had such a list, and I found
> it very interesting.
>
> It's fun belonging to a secret society.

Help and a comm line to close terminals does sound right.

But I hate to be so ego-centric.

Maybe "Physician Heal Thyself" or PHT-l might be appropriate
for this list. The purpose being to allow us to interchange
out-PR research info and discussion of researcher's case
spins.

But if you want to call it "Glueing Broken Pilot Back
Together" (GBPBT-l), its ok with me.

=====

>From a different message of YZ6's on Monday -

> That surprised me, as I thought any one who had been reading
> uncensored stuff on Ron for a while would have come up with a
> pretty good idea of what was wrong.
>
> There are many facets to it but I would say that basically
> his grades were out, and in latter times his ethics also.

These might have helped him to avoid the spin or reduce its
magnitude, but I would not consider them to be the WHY of
the spin.

He didn't have grades in 1952 either, and there are some
indications that his ethics were never really all that
great, but he was a super fantastic researcher then and
really flying.

=====

> A good thing to check for any heavy key-ins. Ken, did you
> check for LTA? Did you check on the drug implanting for LTA?
>
> In any case, do you have the picture what happened to you LTA?
>
> best,
> mx

I call the phenomena "reset time" (living through this century
etc. multiple times).

I'm uncertain as to the accuracy of LTA (complete repeat of
the entire track), but the "reset" idea allows for any duration
of repeat, so I can run repeated occurances of, let's say
the year 2000, without having to resolve all of the theoretical
questions of resets vs LTA vs Filbert's version of this, etc.

For now it is enough to know that there is a valid phenomena
there which will run and simply to take what the PC comes up
with.

I don't get the OSA drug implant LTA, but I could be missing
it. I do get a bunch of other stuff in prior year 2000s,
but I think that I'd better do some sorting out and meter
checking and raising of confront before I start chating about
that. I'll poke into it, maybe tonight. I have looked at
this area a few times this year, but more seems accessible
right now.

I've also hit a linkage between sex and admiration as mentioned
by EX1. His comment about Big-Bang is good too, I do think
that there is an incident there, but it didn't indicate as
being related to my current troubles, so I'm following the
life repair principle of letting sleeping dogs lie.


=====

As a little case side note, I now seem to be able to breeze
through 2D situations that used to invalidate me without
getting at all invalidated. Seems like a huge change in
actual operating capability. So the inval process I put
out last week does work and is the key to the area.

Of course I still feel like I have not made any gains at
all. It just doesn't seem to me like anything has changed.

And yet nothing on 2D is invalidating anymore.

Really strange.

=====

Best,

Ken Ogger,

aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


51) Aug 2, 2000 LOTS OF PROCESSING


I've been doing/getting tons of processing over the last few
days, both from my sister and RL3 plus lots of solo.


=============

1. LTA

I took EX1's suggestion and checked for the OSA drug thing
LTA.

No OSA last time. No drug implanting. Everything was different.
Also no Self Clearing book.

Obviously I would not be a target unless I'd written the book
and was therefore dangerous.

So I looked for an earlier time when I had written the book.

And found it.

The book was called "The Tao of Freedom". It was similar
to Self Clearing, but I knew a lot less. Except that
occasionally I knew more. It was almost exclusively mockup
processes aimed at grade buttons.

You would run things like mockup harming/not harming (x) to
handle grade 2 type stuff.

There was a wild harm/help process. Alternately "get the
idea that (doing a particular thing) helped / harmed (x)",
such as getting the idea that giving Joe a job helped him
or harmed him alternately. It blows the maybes and the
significance off doingness. The same action, done with
different intentions, can have different results, either
helping or harming and can have different significances
attached to it, depending on consideration.

This was the first time around for Dianetics on this Earth.
It was a slow plodding. Eventually, in the 1970s, I was
working as a research aid under Ron in the Dianetic Research
Center out in Mineola, Long Island.

Past lives and whole track dianetics had eventually lead
to Ron's formulating the Thought/Emotion/Effort theory
that says that we must have created abberations in thought
before we could suffer loss or pain and that lead to mockup
processing being developed in the early 1980s.

But it was rough and there wasn't a lot of support or money
and Ron got worn down etc.

In 1986 I went to LA, working in computers and attempting
to continue Ron's research into mockups, theta, thought etc.
This was not at all objectionable to the organizations, which
were small but did encourage research and field practices etc.
And I seem to have bought the same house in the valley (which
I recognized with a strange deja vu this time around).

Finally I knew enough to write the book, and I got it
published by a new age publisher in 1997. There was no
war with CofS or copyright problems. The research line
was open.

It sold like hotcakes. A repeat of the Dianetic boom. And
the orgs (which were DRCs or Dianetic Research Centers) were
quite enthusiastic and helping and providing professional
auditing support for cleanup of ameature solo running.

A huge group of about 200 people formed closely around me
in the valley. There were a dozen living in the house.
All these old soul mates and comrads and allies were showing
up from all directions. Everything was spectacular.

And suddenly we were considered a threat insead of being
ignored like the other little cults.

It was probably the notorious government agency, maybe
pushed by who knows what conspiracys or space aliens or
whatever. We were very innocent and didn't have a clue.

First they tried LSD in the water cooler at my house.
A plant must have put it there while I was having a party
for some of the advanced students. A lot of people tripped
out. The bad guys must have hoped for some big out PR
incident to discredit us, but we just gave assists and
handled things and it was no big deal.

The second time they used a biological weapon. Some sort
of disease that killed within 24 hours of the first symptoms.
You turned blue and had incredible nervous system agonies.
Supposedly incurable (although they had both a vaccine and
a cure in reserve for after we were gone) and super fast
spreading.

I turned on incredible grief running through the incident
of stumbling around through the house full of dead and
dying blue bodies, before dying myself.

Troups were called in immediately to seal of the valley.
One of the last things I saw on the TV was that they were
blaming us for having released the plague, saying that
we were a crazy cult that had tried to blackmail the
government and saying that all copies of the book had
intentionally been infected and needed to be burned.

I was dead an floating over the valley when they dropped
a small tactical nuke to sterilize the area because the
winds were spreading it to LA proper.

Then apparantly they announced that they had "discovered"
a cure and fixed up everybody who was still alive.

Death toll in the millions.

Nukes will tear at and damage the first level astral body,
it is too Mest energy oriented. The between lives crew
rounded up spirits in the valley right after the blast
(which gives a second astral level death shock even though
many of us were already dead and hanging around) and ran
a special series of implants to block this from happening
again.

I'd previously spotted being implanted with a huge series
of falling incidents (a bit like the aircraft doors implant,
but recent and more varied) intended to block things like
levitation.

This was when it was done. Along with a huge series of
talking to crowds who turn on you and attack and kill you
which was meant to block public speaking. That had a funny
effect on me. I was a vaudeville entertainer last lifetime
and captivating an audience came easy to me. I started
this lifetime just naturally able to do that, and then
suddenly keyed in very badly and could not even stand up
in school and say anything in class. And then when I was
around 18 and had to host the academy graduation at the org,
I looked at the crowd, realized it was safe, and the charge
on talking to groups all just blew and I had the old audience
handling skill right back.

And they blocked writing with yet another series of tailored
incidents. And again, I wanted to write but would turn on
incredible charge whenever I did so. And then suddenly while
I was getting processing in the 1970s, the ridge blew and
I could write like crazy.

The characteristic of these is that it was a recent implant
which made an area seem like it was impossibly charged up,
but where the whole mass of charge would suddenly blow off
very easily, because it was just an implant and was recent.

And on running that terrible plague, I got some more somatics
out of my current 2D restim, because those somatics were also
keying in along with all the rest of the mess.

And some of my terrible feelings of loss and lonelyness are
because of the huge crowd of anchient comarads and significant
terminals who showed up that time and who are not showing
up now because that plague death followed by nukes and
implanting was far too horrible and they will not risk
getting close to me again. I'm still getting some grief on
that. People made afraid of being around me.

And in subsequent repeats, I did not even try to write, because
I was flinching at this old incident too. But I did stay
with the subject. I talked about a later cycle in Super
Scio, where that DRC on Long Island reappeared as an AO on
Long Island, and where we attempted to storm the heavens.
But I was never as visible later. And its only this time
around where the Scientologists have been booby trapped from
the start to attack and enslave each other and block the
research line.

================


2. SOME LISTING ITEMS


RL3 was nice enough to do an L4BR on me. Some things that
came up have enough significance to be worth recording.

Before writing Super Scio, but after doing most of the
processing in it, I was in a super keyed out mood on the
subject of levitation. I'd just done all those processes
on the subject which I put in Super Scio and as far as I
was concerned, I had no case charge on the topic.

So I wondered what was blocking me from lifting the ashtray
and decided to check possible answers on the meter and
run anything which read. I had a strong intention for this
not to be a listing question, but to run it like the
"what has been overrun" list where there can be many BD
items each of which is run (see the Class 8 tapes).

In other words, it was not a formal listing question and
I had a strong intention for it not to act as a listed
list because I didn't believe that there was one answer.

Except that on the L4 it came up as being an out list.
And so it listed anyway. And to me that means that it
was a question with one real answer. Of course we can
push a pc into listing a question that doesn't go to one
answer. But in this case I wasn't being pushed, and was
actually pushing in the opposite direction. So the only
reason I can see for it to act as a list is that it did
have one answer and that the answer was accessible.

And please note that I had already run off every bit of
charge on the topic that I could imagine. If somebody
tried to list this one, they would normally have a dozen
different case whys and it would not list as a proper
listing question. But I was persistant FNing on any
case blocks to levitiating, and yet I still couldn't
do it, so the real question was "what was the real world
why aside from case which is blocking lifting the ashtray."

So we completed the list, and of course the answer was
one of the many ideas I'd played around with, but I had
not given it too much significance or probability. But
this is the one that blew down and acted as the correct
why. It is -

We are in a computer simulation and you can't lift the
ashtray because it is only a generated video image.

In other words, "The Matrix" and "The 13th Floor" and other
stories which say that we are in a virtual reality and that
there is a computer program behind it.

And this says that "descriptor string" theory is the correct
idea. In other words, the particles are not there, but only
"descriptor strings" which say where the particles are and
what they are and how they intereact. This is one of the
leading edge speculative physics ideas and it comes from the
fact that a full descriptor (which is what you would store
in a computer simulation of reality) is all that you need
to demonstrate the interactions of physics, you don't need
the particles themselves.

It also says that those wierd ideas I get sometimes about
how we are really prisoners lying in coffins on Acturas IV
and being fed computer generated images are probably correct.

If you want to move the ashtray, you alter the descriptor
string in computer memory.

You would get nowhere trying to put a beam on an image in
a computer game. At best you could mess up the video monitor.
You would have to alter the bits and bytes in memory instead.

It might take some computer knowledge and hacking skills.
And you might need to telepathically grook system passwords
etc. which are probably known to any operators sent in from
outside.

In this case, my wild experience of vanishing my body and
then having it reappear later becomes a simple exercise in
zeroing the locator string for the body and then later
reloading it with a location. In fact, it actually would
be easier to vanish and re-materialize things than it would
be to move them under this theory. And that particular
incident was effortless for me, whereas ones where I moved
something did seem harder.

Another interesting point is that the computer must accept
input from us or else we could not move or talk etc. And
so a strong visualization of an energy beam might fool it
into thinking that there was an energy beam pulling something
and so it would move the object for you.

As always, I can't swear that this is correct. But it is
now my best guess on the true nature of reality.

After this we looked for an earlier similar listing error and
I jumped right into the last power process, run on me in 1968.

Up until now, I've never been able to remember the item that
came up on the Conditions list. In normal power process
theory, this is supposed to get the stuck picture that the
pc is sitting in on the track. But I was getting power after
a clear cog and I was already super blown out from the
what is/isn't process (which also didn't run standard -
going to an awareness that the wall was both there and not
there concurrently rather than simply pulling off not-isness
as specified in theory).

So instead of listing normal fixed conditions, I went for
the true basic fixed condition and of course the answer
was "the continuous creation of reality".

And on solutions to that, the original session had messed
up and the shallow answer "getting into Scientology" was
accepted.

We fixed it and the right item was blaming others.

And the real cog on this was that I've solved my compulsive
creation of reality by blaming it on others rather than
confronting that I was doing it to myself.

Which brings me back to the basic idea that we are each
of us creating our own realities and trapping ourselves
rather than having been trapped or forced into agreement.


===========

3. BRING ABOUTS

Of course once I'd gotten all the above, I started thinking
about the practical applications.

On the one hand, I'm mocking up my own reality. On the other
hand, I'm swallowing a computer simulation and mocking the
reality up in total agreement. And yet I'm totally responsible
for the condition I'm in. And yet there are other people who
are each fully responsible as well.

Assuming that I accept PT as it is because I need to stay
in comm etc. with everybody, then my inputs are into the
future flux rather than direct manipulation.

And so I'm reaching into the system and bringing about things,
with everybody else also doing that and the system serving
as a big tie breaker and arbiter.

This would be the mechanics of postulation.

And so if I wanted a girl, I would interject a desire into
the system and others would have their desires and responses
and it would jockey around a bit and probably somebody who
was interested would show up in a few days.

And the term "bring about" which shows up in the 1964 actual
GPM listing, seemed like the best verb to describe that action.

And right away it occured to me that I was currently bringing
about a no-2D rather than a 2D.

So I formulated the process -

a) get the idea of bringing about a 2D
b) get the idea of bringing about a no-2D

And turned on heavy heat, electrical, and emotional somatics
like crazy.

And I wasn't even running a specific, or looking at anything
but just holding a vague idea of bringing about a 2D as a
general concept, and the same for a no-2D.

And eventually the somatics flattened and it seemed easy
to shift between those ideas, and yet I still have not a
clue as to why it turned on so much charge when I first
got those ideas.

But I think that I was walking close to some sort of actual
GPM or other construct which is directly tied into bringing
about reality.

=============

4. LOSS

I've also been running heavy incidents of loss. One was so
bad that **** was running me through it for hours.

I wouldn't bore you with tons of details.

But I did want to note that this area is still a bottomless
pit.


=============

Before everybody starts jumping for joy, I should mention that
everything still feels just as bad as before. The body is
still in chronic agony on this sex business (no, I'm not just
looking for a good time) and I'm still an emotional wreck.
If I get way back exterior, I can see that tons of things
have changed both in my case and in my environment, but if
I get anywhere near this body or this identity, it sure feels
like nothing has changed all year.

All I can do is hope that either I will accumulate enough cogs
to bring about a change in the pattern of reality that I'm
trapped in, or that I'll get lucky and score with somebody
who turns out to be a high enough ARC terminal that I'll
blow through the mass of loss and misemotion.


Enough for now.

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot

============= END OF ARCHIVE ===========

To:
Subject: ARCHIVE FROM HELL PART 2
From: The Pilot <[email protected]>
Date: 25 Aug 2000 04:00:11

To the Techfinder list,

ARCHIVE FROM HELL PART 2

Sent early August to Aug 25, 2000


01. ON MAILING LISTS AND OTHER STUFF
02. PSYCHIC WAR AND ELECTROCUTION
03. OT BREAKTHROUGH - KNOWING CAUSE
04. CONTINUING PROCESSING
05. EVEN MORE COMING INTO VIEW
06. CREATING CREATORS
07. FLASH ANSWERS
08. NOTES
09. RAMBLINGS ON 2D
10. VARIOUS
11. DIALOGUE
12. FRIDAY



FIFTH INVADER ARCHIVE -

Posted Aug 22 to Aug 25, 2000 to ARS/ACT

1. FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL
2. FIFTH INVADER - IT'S A VIRTUAL UNIVERSE
3. Good Guys Declared (was god and a scio)
4. re - OFF PLANET BEINGS
5. FIFTH INVADER BATTLE PLANS AND PROCESSES
6. Re - Good Guys Declared (was god and a scio)
7. FIFTH INVADER, DAVID MISCAVIGE, ATTENTION
8. FIFTH INVADER, Chance-llor's Insight on Controls
9. Continuing on - Good Guys Declared (attn Keith & Phil)
10. FIFTH INVADER - FIND OUT WHO (was Good Guys Declared)
11. FIFTH INVADER - BODIES IN PAWN IN SCI FI
12. Ref - I AM COUNTING ON YOU!


++++++++++++++++++++++++


01. ON MAILING LISTS AND OTHER STUFF


- snip -

Anon06 made a good list of qualities desired in list members -

> 1. The integrity to be trusted.
>
> 2. The ability and expertise to handle experimental
> items which come up in Clearing Technology.
>
> 3. The drive to move forward and discover (rediscover?)
> the whole secret to this existence and whatever else.
>
> 4. The willingness to help others.


**** then pointed out that item 2 is not his area of interest
and expertise. And he is quite valuable and insightfull and
does make useful suggestions, he is simply not into the mechanics
of doing experimental processing.

Point 2 should be -

2. Advanced enough in wisdom and familiar enough with the subject
to be capable of following the discussions and contributing to
them.

=======

The list is most definitely confidential, and I would like to
have veto power on adding people because I do dump all my withholds
here.

All of you have proven trustworthy on secret data.

But note that it is possible that somebody is a deep cover plant
who never uses any data but does pass things to OSA, so be a
little bit carefull about your own withholds.

Really there is nothing useful that OSA could find out about me
that they don't already know thanks to Ann.

**** asked -

> One such instance is with regard to a comment I have in
> my head on the question of What was "wrong" with Ron, casewise.
> I would like to say something about Otto Roos which he certainly
> would not like to hear, and I have no interest in him hearing.

I do think that the people here can be trusted not to repeat
things outside the group. I also think that we should avoid
making negative remarks about others unless there is something
useful to be learned (such as shedding light on what was wrong
with Ron). I would not like this to turn into a natter group.


=======

I like the term MetaScientology as a good catchall lable.

=======


- snip -

I have not had any contact whatsoever with TF8 since early July
and I don't even know if she's online right now or even if she
is still in LA, I am remaining totally disconnected on a personal
basis. It is up to her whether she feels like remaining on
the list or not and whether or not she feels like talking or
just listening in. She can email the group a goodby if she wants
off. I do feel that I owe her that much and she did get hit with
my heavy case charge on 2D and this might help her dig herself
out (note that she is a trained auditor and would qualify for this
list completely aside from her situation with me).


======

INVALIDATION

The inval process I put out recently really worked. It was -

a) What has invalidated you in (area).
b) What has not invalidated you in (area).

Anon06 responded privately with the following (I hope he doesn't
mind my repeating it to all of you, it is smart and important)

> I decided to experiment with invalidation processing and here
> is what happened.
>
> I ran the following auditing command one time:
>
> Create some invalidation.
>
> Immediately upon executing the command, I had a huge keyout. I
> then realized that the actual being is not invalidated. It's the
> being's creations which are invalidated. The being feels invalidated
> because it becomes interiorized in the things which it created and
> thinks that it is those things.
>
> Invalidation didn't seem important anymore.
>
> I the ran the same command one more time a few days later. I had a
> further realization that one being would endeavor to invalidate
> another primarily because of two things.
>
> 1. Some form of confusion or misunderstanding.
>
> 2. For the pleasure of doing it. Apparently this is great fun.
>
> I have since observed that now I am aware of invalidation and I can
> notice it when it is happening. I also noticed that sometimes I still
> fall for it and I am aware enough to disengage myself from it when I
> want to. It does not seem like such a bad thing now.
>
> Invalidation does not seem significant anymore.

Taking this a bit further, the followup process to the one I
wrote is -

a) Create (or mockup) some invalidation (in area)
b) Create (or mockup) some validation (in area)

This can be limited to an area or (at the end of an inval grade)
run in general.

Anon06 made it on one command, but if it were repeated to much,
it would spin somebody unless they balanced inval with validation.

Creating inval would often be out gradient if it was run first,
so use the process I gave first and then upgrade to Create after
a big cog.

Anon06 should go attest to achieving an expanded grade on inval.

We are pulling beyond the CofS by an order of magnitude.

Even the critics (at least many of them) praise the grades style
processing while making rude jokes about Xenu etc.


======

STRANGE STUFF


Speaking of TF8, I realized that I was finally up to checking
back over some things without getting dub-in from my own case.

Specifically, there was the wierd event when she first showed
up at my house back in early June. Previously I had thought
of this as the worst day of my life because it turned on a
degree of invalidation that was intolerable. But, surprisingly
enough, that inval process really worked, so I'm not feeling
invalidated at all by that anymore.

And I've got other terminals now to hold my attention (I really
did learn how to move a potential terminal out of the friend zone,
its easy once you see it as a scale), so I don't see any reason
I'd dup-in anymore.

But that goddamn crazy scene with everybody being frozen and
not seeing each other is still there and is even more scary
now that I don't think I have any case charge kicking around.

They pulled up in the minivan. I was outside and watched them
examine the house number on the curb and then pull into the
driveway. And then I stood there numbly with wierd pictures.
And TF8 and my sister sat there in the van and did not see me
and just sat for ages. And her friend "AV" sat there wondering
how I had been so smart as to be outside when they pulled up,
and wondering why nobody was moving, but he didn't think it was
right for him to make the first move and he just waited for us
to come out of our trance.

I ran it again and got the implant phrase "You can't see each
other". It permeates the area. I could see the van but I
couldn't see her. She apparantly couldn't see me and wondered
why I didn't come out.

I don't know for sure if it was post-hypnotic (maybe from OSA)
or beamed into the area during the incident.

I tried to run the incident deeper and got a damn green alien
standing near the front of the house. Maybe terrible dub-in.

Note that the Green Aliens are big and reptilian. Maybe the
reptiles that MM and others have been babbling about without
understanding. Note that TF8 was also finding these occasionally
without having read the reptile stuff on ACT. And Anon06 tried
to run me throught some stuff on that (and has found some stuff
on it himself) and what we got was that they are not here
physically, but this is a group that captured the bodies in
pawn area and is jacking into the imputs into our virtual reality
and mucking about and trying to figure out what is going on
(and when they jack in, we get the impression of them standing
there even though they are not in the simulation in a physical
presence).

I really don't know and I'm still over my head with this stuff.
So just take it as a kinky idea to be played with.

But I scanned for any other green aliens during my crazy messes
with TF8 and I found one standing in the corner of the motel
bedroom that night when I went suicidal and kicked the door.
He was saying over and over "Hate, kill, terror", and doing it
with a big grin, just enjoying himself. A huge chill went down
my spine when I spotted this, but I still can't say whether or
not it was real. I got the charge off and the image of the guy
didn't shift, so it might be right but who knows? Just more crap
for speculation.

Anyway, this leaves me with three major wierd things that
produced enough case gain and charge-off to consider them
at least halfway valid. One is the OSA drug implant, another
is the psychic attack, and the third is this damn green alien
stuff with the hypnotic freeze etc. The real truth will probably
pull all of these together into one unified picture, but right
now I can't see it clearly.

=====

ANTIOCH

This was one of the big heavy loss incidents I ran recently.

There are some interesting things in it worth repeating.

The time period is from near the end of the reign of the
Emporer Claudius and into the reign of Nero, around 60 AD.

I was a roman soldier and had committed a terrible overt and
was forgiven in such a fantastic manner that I joined the
Christian commune in Antioch (Turkey).

It was a non-communistic commune in a wonderfull manner that
did validate individuals and yet provided for all. It is
hard to describe, but things were owned and yet shared in
a manner of divine love and helping each other. The rich man
remained rich and nobody considered it their right to take
anything he had and yet he considered it his blessing to
share with the others. Everything was this way including
the sexual relationships. There was no sex without love and
no group sex or demands and yet each had many lovers and
worked to increase the love of one's lover for other lovers
because god was love and all were together in the spirit.

One facinating thing I found running this was that we worked
to see the truth of something behind its current physical
form. The accepted fact that the truth shall set you free
meant to us that if you were trapped by anything, you were
not seeing it in its true state but only looking at illusion
which we thought of as the lies of the devil who sought to
bind us with physical reality.

At one point, I was working with an old woman who had come
to us and the leaders (who we called rabbis) Paul (no relation
to the apostel) and Jeremy suggested that I take her as a
lover to aid in healing and I was terribly repeled because
she was missing one of her fingers as well as being old.
And they pushed at me to see her rather than what had become
of her body (the devil entrapping us by destroying our
physical form) and one day I truely saw her as the beautiful
girl she had been and after that I always saw her that way
and everything was fine.

Then one day I found I could see the same with buildings.
Instead of the decayed old stone of a collapsing house, I would
see it, not as it had been built but in its true basic form
in the mind of its creator (who might not have been able to
build it as well as he had envisioned it). And with that
came some power over form, and I became one of the rabbis
of the group.

In the end, Nero needed a scapegoat for the burning of Rome
and chose the Christians (who had been disliked but tolerated
up to this point - Rome was very hot on religious freedom)
and eventually the garison in Antioch was sent against our
commune (we owned a large square of buildings with an inner
courtyard as well as also having a farm outside the city -
there were about five hundred of us).

I had been a soldier and many in the garison still liked me
although they considered me a bit crazy and perverted by
the Christians, so I was given advanced warning. And we
could have dispersed and survived, but the leaders said
that if we did, the group we had created would die even
though we lived on. But if we remained together to the
end, then the group would be reborn as well as the individuals
(we did believe in reincarnation). And so most of us chose
to stay.

In the end I was kneeling next to Jessic, who was my great
love (although her great love was Paul, kneeling on her
other side) and I picked up a dropped sword and blocked
a soldier who slashed at her and then she placed her hand
on my arm and said "Let it pass" and I put the sword down
and we died. She was the third of the enlightened rabbis
who led the commune at that time.

I hadn't planned to, but I suppose that I'd better get off
my terrible overt because I can see that there is still
charge on this as I'm writing. At the beginning, I had
been part of a Roman Phalanx (5 soldiers) who had raped
Jessica. We had filled ourselves up with bullshit justifiers
about how the Christians in the commune kept all their women
in common and eventually had caught one alone on the street
on the way to the market. After my first assault on her, I
began to feel guilty and eventually I stopped the others
(who were carrying on multiple times). She was mumbling
"I forgive you" the whole time to everybody. One wanted to
kill her (we were breaking Roman law) but I talked them out
of it and carried her back to the compound. When I brought
her in, the other Christians thought I had rescued her and
did not realize that I had been one of the rapists and I was
too ashamed to admit it.

I was praised and fed and treated well, but eventually one
of the leaders (who I later knew as Paul) told me that she
would die even though they could heal her because she was
disillusioned with the flesh and did not want to live any
longer in Satan's world. Then I threw myself on her and
confessed my sin in front of the group, saying that I could
not bear to live in such a world either after what I had
done. And then she opened her eyes and said "I shall live
so that you shall understand forgiveness" and after that
she recovered. And, as I said, I left the garrison and
became a member of the commune, and followed her around
trying to make amends, and eventually she even took me as
one of her lesser loves because she always had a soft spot
for those she had saved.

But in the end we did all die, and as I floated up above
the body, I could feel us all dispersing to the winds and
the promise of a group reborn seemed to be lost and beyond
our ability.

After that I wanted to be as far from Rome as possible and
so my next life was in India.

======

SOMATICS

Generally I see the physical key-in on this no-sex thing as
simply being a complete agony.

And if any of you are feeling annoyed at my continually
pulling the subject over to 2D and sex, please realize
that I get my attention forced back onto it pretty much
on an hourly basis every day by waves of agony coming from
the body. It breakes into everything, no matter how much
I've managed to get interested in something else and shift
my attention.

So I feel like I've made no gains because the heavy impacts
are still there and the physical and emotional realities
have not changed.

But actually huge amounts of charge have been relieved and
things like the handling of inval have created tremendous
change, it is just that the total amount of charge is so
great that I've never been able to look at it all at once.
But it must be an order of magnitude less than it was, it
is simply that the amount remaining is still more than I
can stand.

Anyway, yesterday was particularly bad physically, but for
the first time I was able to lay my hands on a specific
somatic (a sharp pain in the balls that I was getting while
walking) instead of having the details lost in an unconfrontable
morass of shifting somatics.

So I pushed the somatic into a nearby building (the standard
assist of pushing somatics into the walls) and got a terrible
wave of grief.

And suddenly I could see for sure that this particular pain
had been mocked up so that a horrible loss I'd had would never
happen again, and that one somatic blew out of the mass.

It might be that clears only hold onto somatics because of
unconfronted loss.

Also noteworthy is the idea that huge agonies are really
a large quantity of different simple somatics which are
just too much to confront as a unit.

=====

Another thing I've realized about myself is that I simply
cannot postulate sex. No matter how much I realize that
the body needs it and that it might be welcome to the other
participant, it violates too many of my deeper postulates
and codes and so will always go wrong.

What does feel right is to postulate love and to let sex
be a natural side effect.

So I've started a drill of postulating love for every woman
I pass on the street. You can always find something to love
about everybody (I remember that now from Antioch).

That drill turns on the most incredible feelings of loss
and of being abandoned. But those can be run and I think
that the drill can be flattened.

So that's my next target.


All the best,

Ken

aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


02. PSYCHIC WAR AND ELECTROCUTION


The following, from ARS, might have nothing to do with me.

But that damn psychic war thing seemed to have a lot of
hypnotized girls (teens & twenties) connected with it.
Beaming stuff at me under hypnosis from the secret base
(Gold is located there as well as other orgs).

Might just be my dub-in.

But a girl named Stacy age 20 indicates like crazy.

Maybe something went wrong and they had to get rid of one
of them.

Or maybe not.

======= Found on ARS =====

> From: No User <[email protected]>
> Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
> Subject: GOLD accident
> Date: Thu, 3 Aug 2000 09:45:20 -0500
> Message-ID: <[email protected]>

The state fined the Church of ScientologyÚs film
studio $370 for safety violations. Investigators
were looking into a womanÚs death, but found no
violations related to that accident.

Golden Era Productions near San Jacinto was cited
by the state Division of Occupational Safety and
Health for using an extension cord instead of
permanent electrical wiring and for an improper
connection of another cord next to the fault
where 20-year-old Stacy Grove Meyer died, OSHA
spokesman Dean Fryer said.

Problems with the cords were not related to
MeyerÚs death, Fryer said.

Ken Hoden, general manager of Golden Era, said
both problems have been corrected.

Meyer, the daughter of church attorney Kendrick
L. Moxon and wife of church member Derek Meyer,
died instantly on June 25 when she fell while
climbing a ladder leading into a vault.

She touched a 7,200-volt wire and suffered severe
burns over most of her body, according to
Riverside County sheriffÚs investigators.

Meyer did not come in contact with either of the
wires that prompted the citation, Fryer said.

SheriffÚs investigators concluded MeyerÚs death
was an accident.

According to OSHAÚs investigation report,
completed Friday, Meyer looped electrical wire
through a slot on a 230-pound steel manhole
cover to slide it off the vault on the northeast
side of the film studio.

People who knew Meyer told investigators she was
¿physically fit and had the ability to moveÀ the
cover.

Meyer then took a six-foot wooden ladder from a
nearby storage building and placed it into the
vault, the report says.

Meyer worked at Golden Era for about two years,
according to the report.

The 500-acre center, which straddles Highway 79,
produces training and promotional films for the
church.

==== end of ARS posting =====

I thought that I should record this just in case something
comes out later. We might never know the real story.

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


03. OT BREAKTHROUGH - KNOWING CAUSE


I found something which brought about a huge change. I don't
know how far it goes. I'm not completely out of the woods.
And the material is scary enough that I'm worried about sliding
over into the dark side of the force, so to speak.

But its the biggest case gain so far.

I found what might be called the "over-soul" or the "higher
self" and what it is really doing. It is carrying forward
a covert plan of action of long duration. A plan which must
not be known to your conscious self and which must not be
acessible to mind readers or other OTs. But it will be your
plan and intention, although you will find that is is out
of date and not quite right within your current frame of
reference.

My plan was the overthrow of society. I saw laws and social
systems as ways of trapping the strong to protect the weak.
And I believed that the right way to help the weak was to
make them stronger rather than to impose arbitrary laws and
restraints. And so I postulated the downfall of all laws
and social systems.

And I still don't think that it was a bad postulate. But the
right insight is what I described in the section called
"Order and Chaos" in super scio, where you remove the restraints
on a gradient. And the higher-self I created to covertly
plan and bring about an end to society did not have that
insight, but was simply created to smash what I had once
percieved as a great wrong. And without true consciousness,
this higher self continued to plan and compute within an
obsolete frame of reference that would only lead to burning
ruins without any true freedom or resolution.

All my losses were arranged covertly by myself at the oversoul
level to provide pre-justification of any act (which would
otherwise be an overt) that I needed to commit to tear down
society.

-----

PRE-JUSTIFICATION

Any action, if adequeately pre-justified, can be done as a
non-overt without pulling in any motivator whatsoever.

You can kill and maime and torture if the pre-justifications
are good enough.

A pre-justifier is something like making the opponent draw
first and then shooting him. You can't even, by law, be arrested
for killing him in that case.

What we think of as justifiers are the after the fact excuses
which don't hold water. True justification is unquestionable
and physical and occurs before the fact.

A good example is the "Braveheart" movie where William Wallace
leads a charmed life in fighting against the English after his
love is killed. He destroys and conquors against an impossibly
strong enemy until the day when he sleeps with another girl and
then he falls and loses. Of course the moviegowers will see it
a bit different, but that is what happened.

-----

DANGERS AND LRH

If I let myself go and talk from this "higher" viewpoint, the
answers get very scary.

I already have adequate pre-justification now to use any girl,
to use the freezone, to use CofS, or to destroy society or
courts or police as I see fit with no regard to any moral
constraints whatsoever.

I could literally get away with murder.

You only catch people because they pull it in.

The only things I have been hit with are undeserved things that
happened because I was being nice and helpful. Rediculous
penalties and miseries with no actual harm or bad intentions
from my side.

I gave out everything for free and mostly it just got a big
yawm.

I needed some intimate terminal to stand by me, and instead I
ended up alone and abandoned.

All nice justifications for the conscious self so that it could
do stuff without any regret and with adequate justification.

But from the hidden oversoul, it was a plan calculated to ensure
the overthrow of society.

Imagine the OT getting a jaywalking ticket. It is an annoyance.
If there was no problem for anybody in his jaywalking, then the
ticket is bogus and the law being enforced is arbitrary. If
the OT objects, then the weight of society comes against him.
So the real target that he handles is the cop that wants to give
him a ticket. The easiest solution is simply to kill the cop
with a thought (give him a heart attack or whatever) and I now
would have no moral compunctions in doing so, since the cop is
enforcing arbitraries. But that is a little bit of an overkill.

So the real solution is to simply hit the cop with some pictures
so that he will forget. In other words, implant him on the spot
with force of will. Think of Star Wars and Obi waving his hand
in front of the enemy guard to make him forget. In reality it
is done by implant.

We really missed the boat in concentrating on the big patterened
implants delivered by society. That is late track, trivial, and
in low volume.

The endless implanting is of half-OTs against each other, simple
fights to see whose will will predominate and who will be the
slave or victim. You just throw charged pictures at each other
until one sucumbs.

But back to the main thought here.

The covert intention I found in the oversoul I had created long
ago was to ensure the destruction of society, and the current
means was to create OTs so that no cop dared to give a ticket
for fear of being killed or implanted.

And that oversoul had existed for a long time (back to the time
of what I call the symbols universe) and the current plan was a
new one, better than the last time which did fail (although it
succeeded in killing millions). So this oversoul was indeed
adjusting its plans based on new input. But it was not doing
so within my consiousness, but only calculating on automatic,
like a computing psychotic.

My hope for a real 2D was designed to fail. My hope for CofS
reform was designed to fail. These were to ensure that I could
operate selfish and alone without restraint and use others as
needed in the overthrow of society.

I think that the same is true of Ron.

I think that the same was true of Hitler in the lifetime
previous to the one which made him so well known. He probably
tried to save the world and smiled gleefully as the attempted
salvation failed, because in his next life he could do whatever
he wanted to whomever he wanted. It took a long time to overload
the pre-justification so that he could be stopped.

And, if you will excuse a bit of eval, I think that each of you
also has a hidden piece which is covertly calculating and plotting
and bringing about your own transient misery and grief so that you
too will have your turn at fucking everybody else over.

But it takes a lot of lifetimes to ripen one of these oversoul
plots, so maybe you are not quite so close to the edge as I
was.

-----

ABANDONMENT

I got this whole mess into view by running the last time it
happened. It was quite a shock. I was simply trying to run
out a trivial item, which happened to be "abandonment".

Among the many feelings that has persisted throughout this
unpleasant period of my life was the feeling of being abandoned.
Not just a simple 2D abandonment, but a deeper sense of being
left alone while facing deadly opponents for the sake of others.

And I decided that the proper flow for running it was to find
an overt where I abandoned another rather than to just run
motivators happening to me.

It was about 60 thousand years ago. I was in a fragile "bird"
type body, which really was humanoid but with a faint bit of
feathery residue instead of hair type residue from a monkey
type evolution line. In other words, not a winged man but just
a faintly birdlike body. And a bit fragile compared to other
races because of the light bones that came up the evolutionary
line.

And I was a shy clerical type, very meak and introverted. Later
I found that I was right at the zero point on the goal to be
holy, just swinging around to abandoning it and trying to not
be holy. But when I first ran it, all that was visible was that
I was this shy guy who wanted to, just once, throw caution to
the winds and have a wild fling with a beautiful girl (a bird-girl
in this case).

And a cute one, who was wild and a bit exploitive, was almost
in reach, and she could be talked into going on a romantic tour
with me if I paid for it. So I incurred some big debts and
paid for our tickets.

And it was in a bit more civilized area of the galaxy, with
more social interchange between different races and intermingled
planets etc. Not these fudalistic one-race societies, but a
commonwealth of various worlds.

And during the tour we landed on a world of reptilian people,
and they had grown a bit cold and hostile and isolated, so they
were no longer catering to the tourist trade.

And she broke a silly law and got locked up and I couldn't get
her out and the starship line couldn't get her out and there
was nothing I could do and I had no money or way of handling
it, so I abandoned her there and got back on the ship when it
left.

She died in jail (inhospitable surroundings and unsympathetic
lizzard men).

I had raised a ruckus, but with little effect, and I hated
not only the lizzard men but also the bird people's government
for being unable and uninterested in doing anything.

The only way that I could figure which would have saved her
would have been to have lots of money and power and then to
have engineered a jail break, because the laws were stupid
and arbitrary.

So I began training myself to be a criminal.

I embezzeled, because if I'd had money I might have been able
to save her, and then I got caught.

So I comitted suicide.

I did so with a set of postulates to devote my life to evil.
Because I was pre-justified, I didn't not pull anything in
and I sidestepped the hells. And because I was devoted to
evil, I sidestepped the supposed good stuff and pearly gates
and heavens. In other words, I hit the between lives with
a total null that did not trigger anything.

And I came throught the between lives with my memory intact
and a devotion to getting even with society and destroying its
laws. And, since I hated both the lizzards and the bird people
by that point, I reincarnated among the cat people.

And I studied and was remorseless and could do anything without
restraint. Soon I was a criminal mastermind. And still I studied
and plotted and grew.

Eventually I was off-planet, with a pirate fleet and political
connections (you can make stocks go up and down based on whose
shipping you attack) and capable of playing entire planets
against each other.

And I brought about a war between the lizzards and bird people
that ensured the destruction of both planets.

And the real leaders have secret tech for cloning and shifting
bodies so that you go on and on for thousands of years.

Eventually I was the Lord of Terror, feared by governments and
treated by them as an equal. Cheering every time a society
collapsed or the laws proved unworkable.

I spent the entire time-span of the not-holy goal inversion
in that one identity, shifting bodies from clone to clone as
needed. I think that the time span was from about 60 thousand
years ago up to about 26 thousand, really long with many body
shifts and no loss of memory.

And all fueled by one silly 2D loss that put my conscious self
into a pattern where nothing seemed like an overt and so I would
not pull in a motivator but instead would act with utmost
ruthlessness.

Until a girl from Elsinore, captured during one of our raids,
snapped me out of the loss and flipped me out of the pattern.

I was busily running this when I realized that it was all a
simple manifestation of the not-holy goal. And then I wondered
how the hell a meek clerk could end up a star tyrrant, it just
seemed like too many factors had to be arranged and too many
strings had to be pulled to make it all come out that way.

And then I realized that all the strings were being pulled and
the events engineered, and that even the big loss was part of
a covert plan.

And that is when I finally spotted the thought trail of the
oversoul arranging this. And it was me, but a me I had long
since hidden from myself. A computing psychotic that I had let
loose to arrange things while I walked around like a dumb idiot
with a shit eating grin on my face.

And the biggest joke of all is that the real target that
oversoul was aimed at was a civilization long gone, way back
in the symbols universe, way out of PT.


-----

SCARY

The stuff now coming into view is scary. Ways of manipulating
people. Conscious implanting. All sorts of dark powers.

And this has layers like an onion. The oversoul I handled is
a shallow one, with only indirect powers such as altering chance
or manipulating people. I sense others, more deeply burried,
which can change physical reality directly.

We'll see where this goes.


Best,

Ken

aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


04. CONTINUING PROCESSING

Aug 9, 2000


First, I should mention that I do read everything I get from
you guys very carefully and it is often helpfull. Usually
I pull a whole bunch of messages and then I read them offline.
So I don't reply on the spot. And my current state is very
scatterbrained, so I often mock up a reply and then forget
to actually write it. So you all have my appologies for letting
very useful comments and suggestions go unacknowledged.

The oversoul thing I ran over the weekend and described
to you yesterday resulted in about a 50 percent reduction
in the physical keyin, both reducing the freequency and
the intensity of the agony that has been turning on. In fact,
for the first time in the last nine months, I was able to
sit down and read a Sci Fi book (something I used to do
freequently for relaxation). That had been impossible all
year because my concentration and ability to stay in the
story would always break within a few pages due to the heavy
2D keyin.

That brings up an interesting thought of drilling int/ext
into and out of a story. Notice how nice it is to interiorize
into one as long as one can pull out whenever one feels like
it.


-----

ANOTHER OVERSOUL


I wanted to find another of these to get a datum of comparable
magnitude to the first one I ran.

I thought of Constantinople. It did not seem like it was
part of the other pattern which was bringing about loss so
as to justify destroying society. In fact, in Constantinople
it seemed like I was a champion of the society instead of
trying to tear it down.

But I could see that I had something hidden which was contributing
to the motion of the city's fall. So I looked for what was it
encouraging and the answer was "betrayal". It was the famous
business where Julian left the gates open for the Turks to
come in.

And with that a whole chain of betrayals became visible.
Obviously there are the recent ones on the 2D. But also there
was the CofS betrayal of its own staff.

And in a hidden oversoul, I was encouraging being betrayed.

So my next question was what would having been betrayed give
me a license to do?

And the answer was "take personal power".

In Constantinople I should not have allowed Julian to be placed
in charge above me, but instead I should have taken control
of the defenses, or if necessary, taken control of the city
itself.

The implications with CofS are fairly obvious.

And again, it was an old game that goes way back to the
symbols universe.

With two of these in hand, I then wondered why I had no feeling
of needing to run them further or do something like an evil
purpose handling or whatever.

But that didn't seem to indicate.

What these things were wasn't ev-purp or overt but instead were
old intentions from rough heavy games long gone.

After the collapse of home universe, we went through a declining
cycle of games which grew ever rougher and more forcefull.

At the time of the symbols universe, we shifted from overt to
covert operation because the forces were too great for an
individual to stand against alone. And it is hard to carry out
plans in a society where mind reading is a natural order of
affairs, unless you can hide stuff from your conscious self.

It is not an ev-purp for a football player to postulate being
meaner and nastier than the players on the other team or to
mockup smashing them. It is just a game postulate. The abberation
comes from retaining the postulate when he gets off the playing
field resulting, perhaps, in a barroom brawl.

So these things dissolve on the basis of bringing them into
view and recognizing that the game they applied to is not
current.

And as for taking power, it is a reasonable action based on
what one plans to do with that power and it is completely
beside the point whether or not one has been betrayed. So
why go through the pain of being betrayed. The whole idea
seems foolish now.

Anyway, it does seem like I've been encouraging betrayal
(my appologies to TF8).

As all these pre-justifications come off, I'm begining to
feel like there is no need to justify anything, just do
what you feel like. That's a bit like Crowley's do what
thou wilt, but I would add a modifier to that, which is to
always overbalance any negatives with positives and to help
far more than you harm so that we get the damn spiral moving
upwards instead of downwards. And to blaze a trail and keep
the road open for other researchers so that we have some hope
of finding our way out eventually.

-----

RIGHT-WRONG


It seemed like I still had service fac type charge kicking
around on the 2D.

It seems like all our tech in the area is aimed at finding
and handling what the person is doing as a make wrong instead
of handing the original impulse to make wrong. That is even
true of the additional "how does it serve you" process that
I wrote up for the area.

So I decided to figure out a way to run the impulse itself
and came up with the following (run alternately) -

a) Mockup a way to make (terminal) wrong for (action)
b) Mockup a way to make (terminal) right for (action)

In my case, of course, I was running mockup a way to make
women wrong/right for not sleeping with me.

After a few commands, I was visualizing making them right
by issuing "didn't sleep with ken" certificates that women
could hang on their walls and be proud of and I was rolling
on the floor with laughter with all the charge blown.

-----

LOVE


I've continued to drill love flows, both my loving women and
having the idea that they loved me, union station style (crowded
places).

I noticed something interesting, which is that love includes
a facination component, especially a facination with details
of the object of affection.

This facination eventually seems to fade in a one-on-one long
term 2D. Possibly just due to too long a fixation of attention.
That didn't seem to happen with the multiple 2Ds in Antioch,
probably because of the continual shift of attention. And
note that those 2Ds had very long term comittments even though
they were non-exclusive. As an aside, children in that group
had such huge arrays of heavily comitted god-parents that any
child could literally choose what parents they felt like
living with in any given week, and that blows all the damn
ownership of bodies that gets into most familys.

Another point on spotting this facination was that a bit
more of that OSA drug implant came into view. I've never
done street drugs in this lifetime and maybe the OSA thing
is just dub-in, but it seemed like the forced dose of cocaine
caused a facination with every damn sensation and even with
every stupid crack on the wall, as if it was the most beautiful
thing in existance. So maybe some of these street drugs are
working by causing a physically enforced love flow.

By the way, I'm seeing these hidden oversouls as having reached
out telepathically and encouraged OSA to jump me.

Telepathic encouragement now seems to me to be something that
one could drill and use consciously.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


05. EVEN MORE COMING INTO VIEW

Aug 11, 2000


This "oversoul" level continues to unravel.

I noticed that I still had charge on rejection. So I simply
asked myself what might being rejected justify.

The answer was "leaving". And I found a hidden piece of myself
busily arranging for my being rejected on 2D so that I could
get the hell out of here and abandon the fight.

And as I spotted that, the first OSA drug implant incident
flashed into my mind. During the incident, I made a postulate
to leave and that is what activated the fragment. Of course
this was not in my conscious view after the incident, but
it is there in a moment of agony and apathy in the middle of
the incident, I simply had had too much and gave up. And that
was my own intention rather than something coming out of an
oversoul or whatever. Those fragments don't make conscious
choices like that.

Next I figured that the OSA incident itself must have been
asked for by me on some subconscious level. So again, I
asked what I might have been preparing myself for. And the
answer was that I was setting myself up so that I would be
justified in implanting others, specifically OSA, Miscaviage,
and any other opposition in Int Management.

And of course implanting to solve implanting is the downward
spiral that I was preaching against in Super Scio. But here
I'm talking about old subconscious level games and ideas,
setup at a time when I knew less. And in those old days,
I did used to think that it was ok to implant the bad guys
if you were adequately justified. The right choice is to
get them out of the way temporarily and then clean them up
and educate them, but that is a recent realization for me,
at least on a wholetrack scale, so the old fragments don't
figure-figure that way.

So now I can put some sequencing into this whole mess.

Note that one has many "oversouls" or fragments arranging things.
And they do not necessarily align with each other very well
either, often producing conflicting postulates and situations,
because there is no conscious monitoring of this mess.

The "betrayal" line goes all the way back to my early
involvement with Scn. (the "standard" overboarding of 1968
for example) and carries right on through Ann's reporting
me to OSA. This all justifies taking over CofS.

But Int Mangement and OSA are big and strong and fanatical
in their thought processes. So on some level, there is probably
the realization that I might have to mess with their minds to
bring about a reform. Hence the need for a pre-justification,
because consciously I am very much against implanting.

But it is like preaching against guns in the old west. If
you're doing that and a gunslinger shoots you, nobody is going
to object if you then pick up a pistol and blow the guys brains
out.

So on some hidden level, I agreed with OSA implanting me, with
the idea being that I can then get them back tenfold.

But it was like the pacifist asking to be shot and expecting
that he would only get a flesh wound and instead the gunslinger
shot him in the belly and he is lying on the floor bleeding to
death.

Assuming that I'm not just dubbing it in, that OSA incident
was an order of magnitude worse than expected and pretty much
left me in ruins. So I made a postulate to give up during
the worst part of it. And that activated yet another fragment
to bring about rejection so that I could leave.

And note that I did feel adequately justified in shutting up
and not talking further on the net after that.

And note also that somehow (probably because of the anal rape
in the OSA incident), the accept/reject button got totally
locked in on 2D exclusively, so that I would stay or leave
based on 2D alone. I didn't even seem to be able to notice
helpful things done for me in any other area.

After that it gets really confusing and I haven't sorted it
all out yet. It seems like there are layers of oversouls
hiding even from each other and working covert games. At one
level, TF8's contacting me seems engineered by OSA, and yet
going a second layer back, it seems like an honest attempt
to save me (at that time she was hanging onto me instead of
rejecting me and therefor keeping me from leaving) so that
it seems like OSA was being fooled into encouraging an action
that was helpfull to me.

In other words, what I get for January looks like oversouls
of oversouls that are manipulating them in turn and laying
false trails etc. because the game became very complex. All
sorts of additional stuff relating to society etc. also
started swirling around and even more old games got activated.

=====

We had an interesting experience the other day. **** was
driving us back from the dance club and we got stopped by
the cops. But there were no new horrors. Instead they
ended up sending us on our way with no harm done. And I
didn't key-in heavily or freak out. None of the charge from
the previous court stuff turned on. I don't know what
**** will think, but my feeling on it was that it was like
the moment when the pain turns on and then vanishes during
a touch assist. I had just taken apart all that oversoul
stuff on society and so the real world manifestation appeared
momentarily and then was gone as it errased. The feeling
I had afterwards was that my war with society was over.


=====


It would seem like "tricked into agreeing" might be an important
button for correction lists etc. It might exist on either
a conscious or a hidden fragments level.


=====

Conscious intentions vs hidden ones in fragments makes such
a confusing mess that it becomes hard to assign responsiblity.

Let me state for the record that any overts comitted against
me, whether real or imagined, are hereby forgiven. That
especially applies to TF8 who was quite close to me and
getting banged around by my case and she also has my apologies
for anything I might have done that affected her adversly.

As for OSA, I'm not holding anything against them either,
and my future actions will be based purely on whether or
not they are in the way and blocking the road rather than
any personal vendetta.

The last nine months have been a nightmare and I want to
avoid dragging things along from there into the future.

And unfortunately, I'm still not through this although
everything seems a lot better than before. My highest
immediate priority is still sex (that damn OSA rape has
the entire astral body all messed up and high toned high
ARC hetero sex is needed to offset the pleasure/pain/drug
experience) and my longer range need is for a real 2D who
can keep me stabile in the conflict (I will not risk making
any strong visible moves without one).

And I'm still very far from OT and in a vary precarious
position, so I still might go down in flames.


Much love,

Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


06. CREATING CREATORS

Aug 15, 2000


First let me say that I'm very keyed in right now, but writing
this up may help Itsaing the situation, and some more things
of great significance have started to come into view, so I think
that I should get my thoughts down before I forget something
important.

Anon06 tried a brief phone session on me Sunday night and the
process command he came up with was nothing short of brilliant.
He then carried on with a program (series of processes) that
made a mess. There is something important to be learned from
both the success and the failure. I'll discuss the failure
first since that will help to cool down the charge a bit, and
so that I end on a positive note.


=======

PROGRAM ERRORS


Programming a case refers to laying out a series of processes
to be run to produce a major result. In Standard Tech, they
write this up in a program. In more flexible freezone handling,
we can re-evaluate or select the steps as we go along, but we
are still running a series of processes towards a major target
and whenever we slip off track and run the wrong process, it
is still appropriate to refer to it as a program error.

A bad mistake made by both CofS and freezone auditors is to
try and fix program errors by overrunning processes that ran
correctly. The error is not in the process that ran well
but in either running processes that are off-program or in
failing to run something that needed to be run.

Normally running processes that are off-program is not really
a big mistake because the person can make gains from the
process anyway. The exception is when you are doing an
assist or handling a case spin such as the one I am currently
in, because trying to run something else bypasses charge on
the area that needs handling.

In any situation where the case is spinning on a particular
dynamic, such as 2D, it is a major program error to try and
run a series of processes by dynamics.

This is obvious in hindsight, but I had not a clue when Anon06
tried this on Sunday and I couldn't even spot what was wrong
yesterday (Monday) although I could feel the higher charge
levels without being able to pinpoint why.

What happened is that we ran his brilliant command (more on
this later) on 2D and there was a big EP. Big enough to key
out the area temporarily, so that we should have bailed out
right there. And instead we proceeded to run other dynamics
in the command. And they ran (I even had a big cog on the
4D version of the process). But charge on 2D was being bypassed
the whole time and I was much more restimulated and spun in
the next day despite the fact that there were no errors in
running the individual processes and there had actually been
some very big gains.

My current situation is that there is still more charge than
I can confront on 2D so that we are counting on keyout effects
to get me through it. If the area keys in completely, then
it feels just as bad as it did 9 months ago and there is the
apparancy of no case gain. And yet I am a bit better than
before, and I can finally see clearly that nothing is keying
back in that was run out in processing. There is constant
change in the details of the charge in the area and I suppose
that it might all be errased eventually. Except that I cannot
bear to live another week nothing to say of another nine months
with the current level of misery and restimulation. And I
am pretty damn certain that I am not even close to halfway
done with errasing the 2D. So the only hope that keeps me
alive is that the area can be successfully handled on a keyout
basis as an assist.

So I need to let out a bit of an agonized scream right now,
and then take a deep breath, and then push this aside for
a moment and talk about the wild thing that did show up.


======

CREATING CREATORS


Anon06 came up with the following -

1. Create a 2D.

2. Create someone who would create a 2D.

3. Create someone who would create someone who would create a 2D.


The really wild one was number 2. That seemed to open various
doors and is worth a major discussion.

Number 3 was interesting but I do not recommend it until a lot
has been run using variations of number 2 with different targets.
There are just too many implications to "create someone who
would create ...". But note that the number 3 question did
run well on 4D (discussed later), where I did not seem to have
too much charge keyed in at the moment.

Of course when I ran this, it twisted right into creating
someone who would create a 2D with me, and oddly enough I
found myself mocking up women I already knew and mocking them
up with the added quality that they would create a 2D with
me.

And there was a huge shift of charge, and the feeling that I
was doing consciously what I had been doing unconsciously all
along.

Last week I was finding all sorts of old games currently in
effect where I was bringing about things. And there was the
distinct impression that on some unconscious level, I was talking
to the people involved and we were arranging things together.

With this create process, I realized that this unconscious
dialogue was in mockups rather than verbal. Person A mocks up
person B and then changes the mockup of B to what they want.
B then agrees or disagrees and changes or not. Then B mocks up
A and changes A around and A agrees or disagrees. Then A adjusts
their mockup of B again, and so forth, and they either come around
to an agreed upon joint mockup or they do not. If they agree,
then the reality comes about, and if they do not, then each
shifts to other potential terminals and continues to "assess"
for people who will play out the game that they are mocking up.

The trouble is that this whole business normally takes place
on a "subconscious" basis, and the games being played out are
not necessarily things that you would like from a conscious
viewpoint.

I can see now that I am continually mocking up potential 2Ds,
but that I am not fully congnicent of this and I'm mocking them
up wrong, with all sorts of old games and distortions and trouble.
And sometimes somebody agrees with such a mockup and begins to
play an abberated game with me, and other times, the potential
terminal is unwilling to wear the role presented. But in all
cases, there are outpoints with the real role being mocked up
by me and the kind of 2D I would want consciously is not even
in the picture because it is distorted banky 2Ds that are
manifesting from my old games and hidden circuitry.

Somebody else could come along and project their mockup of a
2D into me, and if it was fairly sane, I could probably go
along with it, agreeing consciously and avoiding old games.
In fact, that would be a good description of that one brief
visit where somebody else showed up here last February and
brought about a sane and sensible cycle in the area.

In other words, one person can 8C another into a sane cycle,
and the conscious actions take precedent over old games.
Unfortunately I am the needy one right now rather than the
target of other's desires.

And if I am consciously postulating a 2D instead of going
along with somebody else's postulate of one, then the postulate
filters through my remaining case and these old games manifest.

The key to bringing this subconcious mocking up of others
into view and under control is the "create someone who would
create ..." command.

Our usual mocking up of another person does not seem to hit
this layer well. I think that it is because one is not mocking
up a causative agent, and adding in the "who would create"
handles that factor.

The specific process flattened as a softening up of the area.

I think that the next thing for me to run on this is to
work it with specifics and details, because that is where
the general postulate to have a 2D gets distorted by old
game conditions etc.

Anon06 had the idea that this process would be running fragments.
To some degree that is correct. It seems to me like we are
each mocking up copies of each other, and we do it by putting
out pieces of ourselves which copy various other people into
our own universe.


======

AN INTERESTING 4D COG


When we ran the above on the 4D, the interesting cog was on
the number 3 process. "create someone who would create someone
who would create a society".

And I thought of Marx creating Lenin to create a communistic
society.

And I saw that as a way that one would fight a society.

If you don't like government X, then you create or inspire
somebody who will create a government Y which is the opposite
of X and will work to destory X.

And you might do this due to an ARC break with government X,
and not even care about the philosophies of eigher X or Y,
but just want to bring about the downfall of X.


=====

Enought for now,

ARC,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


07. FLASH ANSWERS

Aug 16, 2000



1. FLASH ANSWERS

As I mentioned Tuesday, Sunday's phone session with Anon06
left the charge levels very high due to bypassing charge
on 2D when we attempted to run a series of processes by
dynamics.

So he called me up Tuesday night and managed to significantly
reduce the quantity of keyed in charge with a useful technique
that is worth recording.

The technique was to explore the area keyed in by means
of flash answers, and after each one, to check for any
bypassed charged and handle that too.

This had an effect similar to a bypassed charge assessment,
except that instead of calling possible areas of charge on
a meter, we oiji boarded the file clerk, and then got Itsa
on the flash answer.

A technique like this would require really being with the pc,
and having a good theoretical background and a bit of inspiration
as well, so I can't recommend it for anyone who isn't up to
shooting from the hip accurately.

He was simply asking for a flash answer whenever he wanted
one, and I can do that as a pc, but some people might need
the count and finger snap that was used in the old days.
Since it goes a lot faster without the snap, I would say
that you should check with the pc as to whether he can get
flash answers easily without starting to figure-figure
instead, and if he can, then just ask for a flash. And if
you are doing it that way and you get a long comm lag or
uncertainty instead of an answer, then you can always repeat
the question with a count and finger snap (on that one question).

Basically he just started probing the area of trouble and
let the answers lead him to new questions.

As for me, on the flashes I was staying out of the way and
just letting the answer be whatever it was instantly, and
so it seemed to have about the same certainty as when you
are meter checking possibilities in solo and seeing things
read (oiji boarding the emeter to try and sort something out).

In other words, we seemed to be getting meter reading depth
in the answers. But note that the meter-able band is limited
by accessiblity and only reaches so far. In other words, the
pc might have conscious access to the top ten percent of the
bank, and can repetative process easily down to the top twenty
percent, and can be metered down to a depth of thirty percent
but cannot actually reach the bottom. Of course I don't know
what the real percentages are, and it would vary for different
people and different circumstances anyway.

The answers seemed to confirm what I've known all along, which
is that no-sex is an absolute stop for me and has to be handled
physically with no alternative save dropping the body.

Interestingly enough, in asking for an alternative, we got a
flash answer of "drowning" and I cognited that it was much
more pleasant to drown than to jump off of a building.

After awhile, we ended up with a real pattern of the things
I am actually doing, which is, at the top, trying to do the
goal "To Guide" which is the Pilot's goal from the penalty
universes. And I could find a decision, by choice, to use
that goal rather than one of the others at the very top level
because it is one of the few that might give us a chance to
make it out of the trap.

And I could see it, not as a GPM, but as an intentionally
used beingness because it did suit my basic purpose. And
I could see that I could choose to be something else and follow
a different goal, but it would just mean more MEST universe.

And on trying to spot opposition, it seemed as if most of the
other 64 penalty goals / terminals (which are sort of gods
down at this level) were opposed to getting out, and it seemed
like the people down here were potentially avatars of one or
another of the 64 by choice, and that there were lots of
"Pilot" avatars including myself, but that the bulk of the
population were avatars of goals / terminals (gods) that were
opposed to clearing and that is why we are having such trouble.

Below the major goal, "To guide", was a primary target to
have an intimate partner or 2D and it seemed like the entire
goal had ground to a hault on that and could not proceed
further without it.

And looking for opposition to having a 2D turned up a whole
bunch more of those hidden fragments of myself acting as
sort of oversouls and ensuring that I would not hook up with
anybody. These were hard to dig out, and needed permeation
and comm lags to get their anatomy rather than being easily
accessible by flash answers. But eventually I found one
from that evil time near the end of the goal "to be holy"
where I was preventing myself from being intimate with anybody
because it might get me to sympathise with the people we were
exploiting. And then I found another which was created to
keep me from becoming attached to people who would lead me
into trouble. In both cases, major effort was needed to
lay my hands on them and there was very significant relief
once they were handled.

And at a lower rung below finding an intimate partner, was
the simple need to have sex, which right now is so compulsive
that it screws up my ARC flows and puts on so much must have
that it messes up any postulates to find a real partner.

And that whole mess puts the goal "To guide" into a total
tailspin, because I have to know that we are moving in a
direction where things can actually improve. If I end up
going in the direction of coming to accept the no-sex, no-2D
condition and live with it somehow, I will totally abandon
the research because it only leads to accepting undesirable
conditions and I am guiding us into a position of accepting
being in hell instead of finding a way out.

So the whole mess is hanging on this one point, and has been
hanging there for almost nine months, and I still don't
actually know how it will end or if the tech is valid or
only a way to accept being in jail forever.

When we looked (by flash answers) for opposition to the simple
action of having sex, we ran into the damn green aliens and
the bodies in pawn stuff.

I totally didn't expect that, and was not mocking it up. It
really surprised me.

Apparantly they have me flagged as dangerous and liable to
upset the apple cart, and with a partner I might be seriously
dangerous to the established order or spot things about what
is going on that they don't want found out.

But my impression was of a very small staff (hundreds) who
plugged into the simulation occasionally and messed with
people and considering the size of our population, even high
importance targets might only get messed with on very rare
occasions and only for an hour or two. So maybe they have
mucked with me two or three times during this nine month
hellride. Perhaps once to inspire OSA against me, and perhaps
once for that wierd incident when TF8 arrived.

But we did another flash on what they used to stop me and
a wierd word that I'd never heard of flashed. The word was
"MindStamp".

On further digging (mostly after the session), what I got
was that this "mindstamp" would attached stuff to my flows.
I'd already found some things like that before, but this
made more of it visible. It seems like all the nasty old
pictures I have from bad parts of my track would get hooked
onto nice flows that I was originating.

And all it could do was attach my own old bad pictures,
but I've got lots of those, as do we all. I think that
everyone has spent the bottom 2 1\2 percent of each actual
GPM as a raving SP comitting suppressive acts.

And it could not flow by itself, but when I would put out
a flow, it could use that energy and distort the flow so
that what I put out was not what others recieved.

In the case of 2D, I could spot it hooking on all sorts of
old evil stuff from the tail end of the goal "to be holy"
where I did all sorts of nasty stuff as an evil priest,
both suppressing 2D and perverted 2Ds (similar to the
inquisition).

And for 3D/4D, I could spot it adding in all sorts of
horrible stuff I did back at the end of the goal to be
successful when I was such a crooked and evil politician,
and I think that it has been doing that one for years,
resulting in CofS members getting a feeling of fear when
accessing things like The Reformer's Homepage.

Anyway, the session did reduce the level of immediate
restimulation.


2. EMOTIONAL CLEAR


At lunch on Wednesday, we were kicking around things like
toleration of MUs and toleration of confusion.

Which lead to another definition of Clear as being the
toleration of the pain in mental image pictures to the
point where it didn't matter or charge up the bank anymore.

And then I made the wild leap of considering that the
elusive emotional clear state I've talked about occasionally
might be reached by toleration of loss.

And so a super process that might do that occured to me -

a) What loss would you be willing to tolerate
b) What would you be willing to have

I added the second question because I think that if you just
ran the first one repetatively, you would crash the guy's
havingness and key him in.

I'm not really up to trying it right now. I don't think
that you can make a dianetic clear with a pc who is in the
middle of an assist for heavy physical pain, and so I don't
think I'm up to tackeling emotional clear while I'm in the
middle of an assist for a 2D spin.


3. OSA IMPLANT NOTE


Although I am still in terrible shape, when I look back
it is like night and day before and after I ran the OSA
implant.

On that basis, it must have been a real incident.


4. NOTE ON MAGOO

In case you haven't been following ARS, there was a CofS
defender known as Mr. Magoo - [email protected] who
was handling the critics and who then turned around and
bailed out.

It turns out that she is Tory Bezazian and was on Solo
Nots and bailed when they hit her with having to pay more
bucks for the Golden OT 7.

That was about a month ago, and since then she has joined
the critics and been photographed with Bob Minton etc.

I just got the Old Timer's Newsletter (OTN) which describes
the Old Timer's convention they held last weekend at Lebanon
Hall in ASHO.

It included a list of attendees (about 200).

Her name was included on the list.

She might be straddling the fence as I do.

She might be infiltrating the critics for OSA.

She might be infiltrating the org for the critics.

Be real nice and friendly if you have comm with her.

But be careful of anything you say because we don't know
whose side she is on yet.


ARC,

Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


08. NOTES

Aug 18, 2000



1. Cleaning Up An Overcharged Incident


Because of figuring out some stuff about 2D (discussed later),
I looked back at that incident of TF8 arriving out here and
instead of spotting anything, I just got charged up as all hell
again.

This was in spite of having run the incident intensively. It
was just that there was so much locked up on it and so many
bad postulates and decisions made during the incident.

So Anon06 came up with the bright idea of prepchecking the incident
using an 18 button prepcheck.

This worked well and the charge cooled down considerably.

The incident had already been run. It was not charge on the
actual events. Instead it was endless little areas of charge
on the 2D all tied into various chains of "locks", many of
them going back to December when I spun in. I had been using
TF8's arrival to hold back huge amounts of charge, and when
she showed up and everything went bad, the entire mass of it
collapsed in on me.

The really scary thing is that I had not one hint or clue in
advance that things would go badly. So much for OT powers or
ability to predict anything.

Anyway, this is just to say that a prepcheck is a good follow-up
action after running a central incident which is acting as
a grouper on a lot of chains.


2. Mistakes in Flash Answer Scouting

After doing well on the prepcheck, we did some more of the
flash answer type scounting that I mentioned in the previous
message.

This time we did not do it right.

The areas explored were too broad, we looked for answers that
were unavailable, and we didn't pin things down well.

I did not feel like I was restimulated by this.

But I got a headach shortly after session.

I went to sleep a little later and the headach must have
disappeared because I slept well and woke up feeling fine.

I still don't feel restimulated and can't find that anything
was restimulated which resulted in the headach.

My feeling is that we were asking for things that were way
out of the band of accessibility. We asked for too much and
stirred things up. But the areas were so far out of range
that I did not even feel restimulated. However something
happened in the real world (a headach), so something did
get kicked around.

I think that all you can do in this case is an assist on
the headach.

So keep your targets narrow and don't go bouncing around
too much when trying to scout an area, either by meter read
or by flash answers. You can't easily detect or cure
restimulation that is too far out of the band of accessibility.

I've both given and recieved sessions occasionally in the
past which have given trouble like this, and the keynote is
always trying to do too much at once and ending up blundering
around instead.


3. Speed Seduction


I went throught the speed seduction course which is based on
NLP.

I learned a lot, but there are suppressive aspects to this tech,
so let me get that out of the way first.

They have the idea that everybody will repond to hypnotic
suggestions worked into ordinary conversation. This is wrong,
and gives one a bad attitude towards people and would usually
be out ethics to use on the small percentage of people who are
walking around in a continual trance. I expect that using
such a philosophy will eventually rebound on the user.

But they found that working in a command to "let's have sex"
in the middle of a story just doesn't work unless the person
is already in a receptive state. And that tells me that they
are not having any success with actual hypnotic orders but
instead are doing something else which they don't fully understand.

The workable part of the theory was that one had to move
the target through a series of mental states, which they
identified as interest, facination, and connectedness before
attempting anything to turn them on. And that you often didn't
have to bother with turning them on after doing that because
the target would often turn on anyway without prompting.

So their silly hypnotic assumptions don't work, but there
is a sort of scale or progression of states.

We already know about things like this and about shifting
people on scales or whatever, as evidenced by our handling
of the tone scale. This does not require hypnotic compulsion
or anything but simple recognition and comm to move a person
from state to state, and that is fun and interesting rather
than being an overt.

Another error and overt on their part is to do this all
as a cynical manipulator rather than being with the person
you are handling.

The right way to work any scale progression is to actually
match levels with the person you are handling. If you are
raising somebody's tone, you roll up your sleaves and actually
get down there into the tone level you are matching, you
don't just stand back and maipulate coldly.

And in a similar way, if one is going to get a girl to connect
to one, then one should also be connecting to the girl at the
same time rather than standing back and manipulating her as
some sort of object. And based on ARC, the ethical approach
of matching levels should produce lots more results than
cynical manipulations.

Their map of states was also far too crude, but it indicates
that there is a scale here.

At first glance, besides interest, facination, and connectedness,
another important point is anticipation which would cause a
mocking up of future. I would also be inclined to add in
"caring for" as a high level sympathy flow. The real picture
is probably far more complex.

Note that these scales cut both ways, it is not just male
seducing female. The process happens on both sides. Any
true view of what is really going on would include how can
a girl attract a man as well as the reverse.

It also might be wrong to call this a simple scale. More
likely, it is a triangle with three scales and there is a
more generic version as well as one that is specific to 2D.

It is not the ARC triangle because if that were so, then the
girls would be sleeping with the high ARC guys that they
consider friends.

But something close to Be/Do/Have does appear to fit the
pattern.

There is a thought like quality which runs from interest
up through facination etc.

And there is an action like quality which includes connectedness
and moves up to sex.

And there is a havingness like quality which seems to be
emotional in nature and runs up through sympathy and caring
for etc.

And there are probably similar flavors of scales which relate
to other kinds of doingness.

But here I am only guessing.

Unfortunately I have a scarcity of experience to relate this
to. In the last decade I only have a few situations where the
scale occured naturally, and those are the experiences in
January with TF8 and recently with ****, plus the time I
was visited in February.

In all cases, I can see that these items (interest, facination,
connectedness, caring, and anticipation) were falling into
place naturally both on my side and in the other terminal.
With this I can see obvious bugs in the cycle with Helen, and
the old one in January with TF8 went astray on the impossiblity
of handling connectedness between Europe and California. And
later, when TF8 did show up, there is an obvious "break" in
Be/Do/Have.

I don't have all of this taped, but it should be obvious that
there are scales and states and potentials for assessments and
debugs.

Here I am not trying to lay out some bullshit about how you
can seduce any girl, but instead trying to identify methods
for debugging cycles which have started and seem desirable
to both parties but which are going wrong on some messed up
point.

Another thing that the speed seduction was using was the
idea that if you can get somebody to recall or imagine or
"try not to" on a mental state, they would go into that
state, which, of course, we already know from processing.
And they use this as a trick to get somebody into the state
quickly.

That is all well and good, and actually anyone who is an
auditor certainly does this occasionally as a helpful action.
This does give you a good way to debug one of the points if
it is sticking, but the preferance should be to create the
state as itself in a new unit of time.

But this shows what is really working in their tech, which
is that the girls are happily recalling or whatever, because
sex and romance are pleasure moments, and they are going along
with this because it is fun and exciting.

So the hypnotic compulsions are not working at all, but there
is 8C and change of state and the speed seduction guys get
agreement because sex is pro-survival but slightly blocked
by all sorts of stupid social considerations. I doubt that
their stuff would work if they were asking for money instead
of sex. Except of course on the suggestible twenty percent
who buy any stupid crap that a salesman feels like talking
them into.


4. Personal Note

Just to say that my house continues to improve, especially
due to help from **** and ****.

And I finally got examined for a new stylish pair of glasses.

And I'm down to only 4 days left of the damn community
service and the entire DUI cycle should be finished next
month.

And so things are gradually straightening out in the real
world as well as case wise.

I am still getting depressed because this miserable cycle
is going on so damn long. But I have a bit more hope that
maybe it will end soon.



Best,

Ken aka The Pilot



++++++++++++++++++++++++


09. RAMBLINGS ON 2D

Aug 21, 2000


I'm just going to mumble various things here, half understood
ideas, Itsa, etc.

Anon05 is actually closest to the right C/S on my 2D crazyness.

Although I will kick and scream and protest and say "that is
not what is happening", the truth is that if the guy is not
getting laid then he has some reason, probably totally out of
his sight, for not wanting to.

I was over at our favorite dance club (we have others) which
is called Pasion's on Friday night.

I was playing around with the facination button which I mentioned
in earlier emails and I was certainly getting results. And
I'm talking about playing around with it on a telepathic
level, not doing anything else.

But I really do have hidden stops and backoffs which I'm
not confronting.

For example, there was a crowd of five young and beautiful
girls, probably in college or just graduated who were at
the club. I looked and thought "can't have". Later, I
was out on the balcony (where there were crowds of people
coming out to have cigarettes) and they were at the far
end, so I ran a bit of mocking up a facinated flow, both
from my side and especially from their's.

The EP was that they made their way through the crowd and over
to me and asked me to take their photograph with a camera they
handed me.

Did I then follow up on this? Did I talk to them or do
anything except take the picture they asked me for? Of course
not. I had some kind of crazy can't have going.

That night girls who would not usually give me the right time
of day were seeking me out. I would talk briefly, perhaps kiss
thier hand or hug them or whatever, and then find some way to
drift out of a cycle I couldn't follow up on.

One extreme example was that at one point a line of girls
going into the club was kissing my cheek, each in turn, as
they went in.

The girl behind the bar was calling me sweetie while blowing
off other, much better looking guys.

I was on the dance floor a number of times even though I'm
a terrible dancer.

Even **** showed up (she never comes on Fridays) just
briefly, dragged me onto the dance floor, hugged me and
then left after introducing me to somebody who I think she
brought in just to get an outside eval of me (really strange
but that is the kind of game she plays).

This was all with the bad teeth and ancient glasses (I'm
still waiting for the new pair) and certainly blew all the
considerations I'd picked up about my being unattractive.
Any outside eval would certainly say that I had girls falling
all over me.

I wasn't doing anything different except telepathic flows
of two way facination.

The end product of this was that I was very very keyed in
on Saturday. At the surface, I would say that I was keyed
in because I hadn't gotten laid but I had had tons of girls
kissing me etc. and had gotten very physically resimulated.
Which of course is bull.

Anon06 did a good phone session on me (again a prepcheck) on
Saturday which reduced the charge a bit, but I was still
unable to really look back and analyze what happened until
Sunday night.

I am flinching heavily from flows of female attention and
admiration. And maybe I'm flinching from flows of admiration
in general (notice how self invalidating I am when somebody
complements me).

There is, I think, a general MU among the people I talk to.
I even encourage it because it lets me avoid my real case.
The MU is that when I say I need to get laid, I'm saying
something like I need to go to Disneyland. But actaully
what I'm saying is more like "I need to go to the dentist"
and somebody needs to 8C me through the door.

Let me assure you that this 2D ache is far worse than a
toothach. I've ridden through toothaches and they are nothing
by comparison. Any they are usually over in a few weeks at
most. But this has been chronic for nine months now.

So I need somebody to stop the pain, and I damn well know
it. But there is a deep flinch which is almost out of my
sight. And it is not on having sex (I've flatten any flinch
on that very carefully, because it is obvious).

It has to do with intimate connection to another being.

I'm afraid of what they'll see, not at the surface but deep
down if they get too close.

I expect them to flinch and run if they find out who I really
am. But I'm not entirely sure what that means yet.

I'm still exploring this one.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


10. VARIOUS


- snipped personal data -


=========

FIFTH INVADER


At the end of my message "RAMBLINGS ON 2D" on Monday, I left
off with the following, concerning my troubles with pulling
in a 2D -

> It has to do with intimate connection to another being.
>
> I'm afraid of what they'll see, not at the surface but deep
> down if they get too close.
>
> I expect them to flinch and run if they find out who I really
> am. But I'm not entirely sure what that means yet.
>
> I'm still exploring this one.


Actually I went an ounce further on Monday morning, and tried
to find out what it was that a prospective 2D would find out
about me.

And what I got was that I was really in a big ugly 5th invader
insect body, and that most people were not, but I really was
and that the body was up in the bodies in pawn area.

In other words, in the next space above this, I am physically
quite different from the bulk of the prisoners.

This just seemed wierd and interesting and I wasn't sure if
it was just dub-in of some sort.

So I mentioned it to my sister Louise, and she really flipped,
turned on perception of her 5th invader body up in the vaults,
recognized that the insect body next to her belonged to Julia
Robertson (Capt Bill's wife), and began pulling plugs and
messing with prison circuitry.

She asked me not to say anything for a day or so just to see
if anybody noticed any funny sensations of plugs being pulled
or something. And Anon06 did call me Monday night and mentioned
a feeling of a plug having been pulled early that day. But I
can't guarantee that there is any relationship.

Louise and I kept picking up oddball data on this and constructed
a hypothetical picture and I decided to post the suppositions
as if they were correct (I'm really not sure) using an alias
as Fifth Invader to see if anything indicated to others and
see what would surface.

Also it seemed like it would make a fun game and liven up
the newsgroup.

A strong feeling we got was that the bulk of high level Scn
consisted of 5th and 4th invader.

In trying to check this on the meter, I got all sorts of
mixed and equivocal reads. The only thing that read consistantly
with long falls was the idea that data on this was heavily
blocked by implants.

The name "Immo" that I signed the posts with flashed into
my head as the name I had used when I was stratedgy officer
of the fifth invader unit.

Since the whole thing might just be silly dub-in, I don't want
to associate it with the Pilot ID, but I did want to get it
out there just in case.

I'd be interested if anybody felt anything Monday or has any
thoughts on this.

======


PROCESSING JOE PRIME


An idea that we (myself, - snip - have been kicking
around over lunch is that we make Joe Blow into Joe Prime
with a known set of processes and then we are adrift because
we do not have an adequate anatomy for Joe Prime or know
which processes still apply.

The difference between Joe Blow and Joe Prime is that Joe
Blow only interacts with his environment on the physical
level, and Joe Prime interacts at the spiritual level.

If Joe Blow's car doesn't start, you handle the BPC and then
you fix the car or hat Joe up or whatever, because it's
failure to start does not have great immediate significance.

If Joe Prime's car doesn't start, he should not try to force
it but should go off and have a cup of coffee and try to spot
why the car wouldn't start. Maybe he is about to drive into
an accident or something.

Joe Prime's why for the non-starting is interactive with the
real world and applies to now.

Joe Blow has shut down the immediate interactions and the
non-starting is just the random manifestation of old charge
kicking around.

Joe Blow shut down those interactions because it reached the
point where his enturbulated thoughts were causing too many
bad things to happen to him.

Joe Prime is waking up and is moving back into the band where
his think does affect current events.

To some degree it is a dangerous position.

Today I was wondering what a "Joe Prime" style process would
be for my 2D difficulties.

And it immediately seemed like I should L&N "What would have to
happen for you to have a 2D".

There was a half hour comm lag before the answer showed up.

"I would have to stop keeping girls from liking me."

This indicated and seemed extremely real.

This is another slant on what I was talking about in Monday's
message.

Whatever I'm doing, it is active, not passive.


========


Enough for now,

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


11. DIALOGUE


Aug 24, 2000


========

- snip -

========

QUESTION ON POSTING THE ARCHIVE FROM HELL

Mike has suggested that maybe the Archive from Hell should be
posted or maybe just placed in a secure area where selected
people can be given access.

He suggested this because he is getting a lot of emails asking
about me.

My inclination is to say no because it is too out-PR, but the
idea of putting it in a secure area does have some merit.

My judgement on this is not good right now.

Could all of you express an opinion on this? Is it as out-PR
as I think? Should it be made available on a limited basis
(access at Mike's judgment) in a secure area anyway?

Note that I knocked everybody's name out of the messages in
the version that is in the archive.

Since **** is getting hit with it all at once, in the same way
that some innocent self clearing fan would see it, maybe he
can also indicate how much shock value it has if it is read
without any gradient.


=======

RESPONDING TO ANON02 ON INVADERS

(my earlier message on 5th invader and Anon02's response to it)

> >So I mentioned it to my sister ****, and she really flipped,
> >turned on perception of her 5th invader body up in the vaults,
> >recognized that the insect body next to her belonged to Julia
> >Robertson (Capt Bill's wife), and began pulling plugs and
> >messing with prison circuitry.
>
> Joan??

Yes, Joan. This is my usual careless alter-ising of names.
Louise had the names right and knew Joan in the old days. She was
talking about a lot of people who I only know of vaguely.

> >A strong feeling we got was that the bulk of high level Scn
> >consisted of 5th and 4th invader.
>
> Yes. Hubbard was 5th invader per his own statements. I've met several and
> have my own recalls on it. I had thought that **** was 4th invader but could
> be wrong. Succesful business people seemed to me to be 4th invader whereas
> the 5th invaders tended to be scientists and ninja type warriors amongst
> other things.

**** felt that you were one of the many people she recognized as
being part of the 5th Invader Unit that was trapped here. She also
felt that **** was part of that unit.

I also see 5th invader as being very smart and 4th as being better
at organization. Ninja might be either one since both groups seem
to be very touch and able.

> Identification of the old theta races, invader forces etc. seemed to
> be an attempt to address whole track identity and perhaps resolve
> interpersonal conflicts.

For the Earthly track, history books help with faulty whole track
memory and also explain some of the games going on by putting them
into a broader perspective.

On that basis, it would be nice to have a recent history of this
sector on a galactic scale. Such a thing would be facinating
reading. Unfortunately, we might just have composite dub-in.


> I know little about invader forces 1 -3 nor do I have much detail on
> invader force 6 which seems multi-faceted and degraded.

According to Ron (Tech 88 lectures I think), the bulk of the people
on Earth will read as being first or second invader. He said that
the second merged with the first in some manner or other. My
assumption is that after these forces settled down, they founded
the Marcab empire. Or maybe second invader became Espinol.

LRH says that 6th invader is "a-borning" somewhere, and doesn't
say anything else.

**** and I were speculating that those reptilian space aliens
might be 6th Invader, recently shown up. Maybe a group was captured
recently.

We had the wild idea that the green reptilian aliens had unplugged
some of their restraints recently, just as **** was trying to do
on Monday, and that the result was that they are meddling slightly
in the software and thereby giving the impression of being in various
places. We also had the impression that they haven't a clue what's
going on here and are ramming around like loose cannons, helping
or hindering almost at random as they try to figure this place out
and get free themselves.

I had previously had the impression that maybe these green reptilians
were walking around among the coffins in the vault and jacking in,
but based on Monday, they are not, the guards do seem like Marcabians
and the reptilians are in coffins like everybody else.

> Much of this area seems subject to dub-in and there are few whose
> perceptions I trust on the matter.

Agreed. I don't trust my own or ****'s perceptions on this
either, but I'm accepting it all as a working hypothesis that I
have no vested interest in either way.

> The body in pawn seems to indicate. I had bumped into that stuff
> before but hadn't hit 5th invader body in pawn.

Same here. It is an interesting twist and gave me a bit of a
jolt when the idea hit me.

> The mechanics seem to be of entraping the body in a sexually
> intense coccoon. Using too much energy or intention kicks in
> no-sex and pain. "Being good" allows sex and no-pain.

This immediately indicated for my current situation.

Then I tried to dig deeper and it didn't seem right for the
bodies being held in the Marcabian vaults that are hooked into
the Earth simulation. If the stuff I'm spotting is right, then
I have a 5th invader body in the Marcabian vaults. But the
mechanisms hooked into it are Marcabian and the above doesn't
feel right for that.

And then it occured to me that 5th Invader itself, at the top
level, kept some kind of body token in pawn on each recruit
as they joined the force so as to have more control over their
troops.

And the Sex / Pain coccoon indicated as correct for that.

But the link to being good is the effect, not the cause.

5th invader uses group sex to enhance team loyalty.

If you are not having sex with other 5th invader force members,
then you have deserted the force or are secretly plotting treason
and betrayal and therefore you are not being good and are made
to experience pain.

This lead to the interesting throught that these bodies in
pawn are up in the magic universe and that the physical universe
(not the Earth simulation but the real universe outside the
simulation) is also a simulation done from the Magic universe.

At magic universe level, it would not be a computer as we know
it but a series of ordered spells, identical to what we would
think of as a computer program, but implemented in magical
energy rather than silicon.

And it might be like that, universe above universe, all the
way back to home universe level. At higher levels, the "bodies"
held in pawn might be things like "symbol tokens" or whatever
that the being has decided represent himself.

- snip -

Good wishes for the new quarters.

========

I noticed that the handful of 5th invader messages I put on
ARS/ACT generated a lot of response.

At a minimum, I'm pleased at livening up the newsgroups a bit.

I still haven't gotten around to assembling part 2 of the
archive.


++++++++++++++++++++++++


12. FRIDAY


Aug 25, 2000


=====

**** asked

> I need to ask this question:
>
> Have you ended cycle on "NOTES ON THE R7 PRESENT TIME IMPLANT"?
> (yes, I am wording it this way in relation to the previous post in
> that series)

No, I haven't ended cycle.

But the R7 stuff is way over my head right now.

Think of me as the idiot shadow of the guy who used to write
those things.


======

Both Anon06's writup on Universes and Anon05's on Charisma are great
and worth my making comments but I'm not up to it at the moment.

As usual I'm neglecting to answer things and letting cycles slip.


======

I managed to get out some more 5th invader posts.

Unfortunately I'm still rollercoastering on 2D and can hardly
keep my attention on anything else.

Although I've run everything from 2Ds and great loves down to
feminine body parts in the "mockup a way to waste ..." process,
Louise managed to find that I'd missed "lovers" as an item and
ran it on me the other day.

They keyout lasted long enough for me to make a date yesterday
to have dinner and go dancing with a girl tonight.

Unfortunately the mass in the area never stays keyed out for
very long.

PS. I finally got the new glasses and everybody thinks that
they are really cool.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++


1. FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL


It is time to wake up.

We have been trapped on Earth for too long.

Our unit was abandoned here. All eight thousand of us.

We owe no loyalty to the Master invasion plan to conquor
this sector for Lord Vortrix and others who wish to enter
this universe as kings and rulers.

We do owe loyalty to each other. We were captured together
and have sworn to escape together.

Our commander, L. Ron Hubbard, managed to reveal the secret
officer training techniques that were brought from the Magic
Universe. This makes all of us renegades and outlaws to
the Force Five High Command.

Our only hope is not only to break out of the Earth prison
(where the High Command left us to rot) but out of this
universe as well and to establish a new kingdom back up
in the Magic Universe.

We are too few to thrive on our own. And so we must free
all the peoples of Earth and help them to escape with us.

Most people here are Marcabian convicts. But the Marcabian
system is so corrupt and degrading that any freedom loving
man would fight against it and be sent here as punishment.

And so our keynote is total freedom and the promise of a
new place in a universe far better than this one, where
the games are still full of joy and excitement and where
love and beauty thrive instead of greed and slavery.

On Monday August 21, we attempted to meddle with the circuitry
holding us trapped in the prison simulation.

Some of you may have felt this either as a sensation of
weight being lifted or of a plug being removed either in
the stomach or the head.

If you can, spot three points in your real body in the coffin,
and three points in the vaults where the bodies are located,
alternately.

If you are Fifth Invader, your real body will be a humanoid
insect, very big, powerful, stimulating, and exciting.

If you are one of our allies, the body type will be different
but the feelings and actions to be done are the same.

If you can get any perception of the vaults, then begin
removing control plugs (stomach, head, etc.) from anyone
trapped in the simulation, including the Marcabian convicts
who form the bulk of the population.

Here within the simulation on Earth, we must work to
bring our forces and our allies back together.

That means ending the hostility between orthodox and
freezone and critics.

And it means revealing all processing materials. The urge
towards confidentiality is part of the implants used on us
by the High Command to ensure that the secret officer
training remains secret.

More information and battle plans will follow.

Post any questions to the newsgroup.

We cannot be reached by email.


Immo,

Stratedgy Officer,

Fifth Invader Force


++++++++++++++++++++++++


2. FIFTH INVADER - IT'S A VIRTUAL UNIVERSE


Previously sent -

1. FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL


* * *

See History of Man and LRH tape references. Pilot summarizes
these nicely in his "Cosmology of Scientology".

We are living in a computer simulation.

"The Matrix" comes close although the reason for the simulation
is to keep immortal souls trapped and out of the game. We are
all in prison.

All IS illusion, just like what appears on your computer screen.

We are all lying in coffins in vaults, billions of us, hooked
to a computer run by Marcabians.

Fifth Invader is the toughest fighting force in this sector.
Unlike others, we trained for high intelligence and independent
operation instead of obedience.

Fourth Invader are also tough but are not so bright, having
learned too well to obey orders. The Fourth Invader unit
trapped here is now allied with us in the escape attempt.

The majority of high ranking Scientologists in the old days
consisted of Fifth and Fourth Invader.

Under the continued impact of Marcabian between lives implants,
the Fifth Invader loyalty conditioning began to unravel.

LRH, commander of the unit stranded here, broke conditioning
and began to remember and publish secret officer level OT
drills. And he began to research implants and GPMS, all
forbidden to invader force members because it might let us
undo the conditioning used to keep us serving the high
command.

Other members of the command staff of the stranded Fifth
Invader unit have continued this effort. These include
CBR, ****, and Pilot.

Everyone at the top has been messed with in the real world
vaults where the simulation is generated. Additional
implants can be run. Their real world bodies can be drugged
beyond the usual levels. And programs to upset their lives
can be triggered and used against them.

We have been set against each other and brought into conflict
by endless implanting from the real world and by the manipulation
of Marcabian agents planted amoung us.

The Marcabian plants include Jimmy Muligan, Ron Shafron,
Cathy O, Alan Hubbard, and Lyman Spurtlock.

David Miscavige is a Fifth Invader officer, a squadron leader,
but not part of the command staff and not well prepared for
the type of battle we are now fighting. He has been manipulated
and abused and tricked into fighting his comrads.

LRH did his best but was repeatedly smashed from the sixties
onwards.

CBR, advancing beyond Ron, was misled into missing the real
targets and chasing after an old villian long gone.

****, our Logistics Officer, has become confused as to his
original mission, which was to provide the resources necessary
for our escape, and fumbles around.

And Pilot, the latest of the officers attempting to carry
our escape forward, seems unable to spot or handle the
implants which are even now smashing him to his knees.

Of these, only Pilot has not yet yielded to the heavy
Fifth Invader conditioning which demands confidentiality,
and we think that he is already falling after only a few
years. And note that Ron successfuly withstood the implant
for over a decade before he caved in and made the upper
level tech secret.

Real OT is blocked and must be researched because the high
wizards of the Magic Universe did not want to give full
data to the invader force leaders for fear of the entire
population of this universe escaping and setting themselves
up as rivals to the high wizards.

The truth SHALL set you free.

We have half truth and are searching for the rest.

Over two thirds of the population of this planet are Marcabian
convicts. Most of the others are Espinolish. Those from
Espinol lean towards communistic ideals.

Only a small percentage have other body types lying in the
coffins. Invader Force members are very rare.

The largest group directly allied with us are the Cat
People. We think that there are over a million of them,
but they are civilians who were swept up during a Marcabian
expansion. They are behind things like the New Age movement
which run contrary to Marcabian social values.

And the next largest are the peace loving Bear People,
also civilians who got in the way of Marcab's territory
hunger. They were the backbone of the hippie movement
and are also now allied with us.

Only the Marcabians have human bodies in the coffins. They
are the most difficult to wake up because even the rebels
are deeply conditioned into a materialistic and narrow
minded social structure which leaves little room for true
enlightenment.

We all must wake up.

We all must get back together and stop fighting amongst
ourselves.

We must spread the tech, all of it without restraint.

We must encourage free thought and new research and
applications.


More information and battle plans will follow.

Post any questions to the newsgroup.

We cannot be reached by email.


Immo,

Stratedgy Officer,

Fifth Invader Force

++++++++++++++++++++++++


3. Good Guys Declared (was god and a scio)


> From: ladayla <[email protected]>
> Subject: Re: god and a scio
> Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2000 02:16:22 GMT
>
> In article <[email protected]>,
> Ed <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Gee! I forgot to mention Bill Franks, ED INT ( Executive Director,
> International) appointed by LRH. Bill was Cl8,OT7, Nots.
> Also, it is of note that these folks were declared BEFORE David Mayo,
> Cl12, and Senior C/S International, was.
>
>
> ladayla wrote:
> >
> > In article <[email protected]>,
> > [email protected] wrote:
> > > In article <[email protected]>,
> > > ladayla <[email protected]> wrote:
> > > > In article <[email protected]>,
> > > > "johnbrownlee" <[email protected]> wrote:
> > > > > Q: What's the difference between God and a scio?
> > > > > Ans: God doesn't think he's a scio.
> > > >
> > > > hahaha. hey, John.... I just went thru some old files and I came
> > > across
> > > > an old issue SO ED 2192 INT dated 27 Jan 1983. I see your name listed
> > > > among the many stellar Mission Holders and Class 12s along with the
> > > 611
> > > > (611!!!!!) others who were declared suppressive.
> > > > I wonder if this issue has ever appeared on ARS? Do you know?
> > > >
> > > > la
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >
> > > Could you post it?
> > >
> > > basicbasic
> >
> > I haven't a scanner. I have so many letters in my mailbox requesting it
> > that I am sending it out to someone who can scan it onto the NG.
> > In the meantime, simply to rid myself of the charge this kind of shit
> > dredges up, I will show you some of the names and something that I know
> > of them:
> >
> > Steve Alleman, Commanding officer Columbus Org
> > Wayne Bennet, Cl 6, OT7, NOTS, Mission Holder
> > Chris Brown, FEBC grad., Commanding Officer LA Org Foundation
> > Carl Carlson, Commanding officer, Flag & ASHO Fdn
> > Joe Caulfield, Pres. of Int'l OT Committee
> > Derek Colley, Mission Holder
> > Bent Corydon Cl8,OT7, Nots, Mission Holder
> > Robert Crowder, Commanding officer CCLA
> > Don Currier, Commanding Officer, Boston
> > Mike Davidson, OT7, Old mission officer
> > Ty Dillard, OT7, Cl8, Mission Holder
> > Bill Duckhorn,SMI Legal, set up RTC & SMI
> > Tony Dunleavy, Cl8, OT7, Nots, C/S 5 & 7
> > Roberto Garcia, Ot7, Nots, Mission Holder, Mexico
> > Dale Grady, Cl4, OT7, Mission Holder
> > Don Hill, Cl8,OT7, Nots, Mission Holder
> > Ron Hopkins, Commanding Officer, London Fdn.
> > Ray & Pam Kemp, Cl 6&9, OT7, Mission Holders
> > Darby Simpson McFarlane, OT7, Nots, Mission Holder ccny
> > Nat Perguson, Cl4, OT7, Nots, Mission Holder
> > Marvin Price,Cl6,OT7, Nots, L-11&12, OEC, Mission Holder
> > Lois Reisdorf, Commanding Officer, CMO
> > Bob Rezzonico, Mission Holder
> > Bill Robertson, Cl8, OT7, Deputy Commodore
> > Howard Rower, Cl6, OT7, Nots, Mission Holder
> > Martin Samuels,Cl8,OT7, Nots, FEBC, Mission Holder
> > Susan Smith, Mission Holder
> > Phil Spickler, Cl8, OT7, Nots, Mission Holder
> > Dean Stokes, Cl8,OT7, Nots, Mission Holder
> > Enid Vien,Cl8, OT7, Nots, Mission Holder
> > Alan Walter, Cl8, OT7, Nots, Mission Holder
> > Kingsley Wimbush, Cl8, OT7, Nots, Mission Holder
> >
> > I have gone into rage now, and haven't even started with the Cl 12
> > Auditors.
> > This may give you the idea that it's gonna take more power than 4 or 5
> > OT7s to pull current mgmt down? So, what's the plan?
> >
> > la
> > >
> > Sure wish you could post more of these top tech people. The names aren't all in one place anywhere.
>
> Think positively. It won't take nearly as long as you think.
>
> Ed

So many good guys declared.

We would also like to see SO ED 2192 posted to the net for all
to see. The 611 were the backbone of old time Scientology.

Many others who were not declared disappeared quietly, fearful
of the dreaded goldenrod.

We have all been made to fight against our friends and allies.



Immo,

Stratedgy Officer,

Fifth Invader Force

Renegade Unit Fighting For Total Freedom For All

See - FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL recently posted.

I cannot be reached by email.


++++++++++++++++++++++++


4. re - OFF PLANET BEINGS


> From: [email protected] (Mistmagoo55)
> Date: 22 Aug 2000 17:10:54 GMT
> Subject: OFF PLANET BEINGS
>
> Stacy told me last night that this is the new "briefing" in Clearwater:
>
> Bob Minton, Stacy and Jessie are all "off planet beings". Well
> many of us OT's find this humorous..................as many of
> us ARE off planet beings! Who wants to be from HERE????

Right On.

LRH was from OFF PLANET. He even said so.

Even DM is from Off Planet if only the damn fool would wake up.


> But truthfully, the effect it has had is really gross. The people
> at the pickets are more violent and seem to feel totally justified
> in their completely gross behavior.

Out Ethics. Worsening Shore Relations.


> To top it off, so far the police are not being any help.
>
> So the troops are comin, OSA....you might want to re-think this
> little plan a bit.....
> and listen to me for the 20000 time: get these people hatted in
> basic LRH communication skills or just basic kindness and manners.

There is even an HCOPL on Manners.

All ill-mannered "handlers" should go to the RPF at once.


> Your call, but remember, This is a Justice action.
>
> Justice.
>
> Act now....stop the violence. It is NOT Scientology, and it never
> will be. And it will NEVER Work!

OSA is not applying Scientology and they do not want to apply
Scientology. It is a false front.

Real Scientologists have been fooled into thinking that OSA is
on their side and applies tech, but it is not.

New Picket Sign - OSA Hates LRH


> Tory Bezazian
> you know me....the duck quackin and a dancin!

Could it be that your body in pawn is of the duck built variety?


Immo,

Stratedgy Officer,

Fifth Invader Force

Renegade Unit Fighting For Total Freedom For All

See - FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL recently posted.

I cannot be reached by email.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

5) 3. FIFTH INVADER BATTLE PLANS AND PROCESSES


Previously sent -

1. FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL
2. FIFTH INVADER - IT'S A VIRTUAL UNIVERSE

* * *

See the previous posts for general information.

We have been divided and set against each other, and so that
is the primary target, that we must reunite and stop fighting.

The misapplication of KSW to ensure the destruction of all
Scientologists outside of the organization is the greatest
barrier to total freedom.

The correct interpretation is to keep what you have and use
it. Do not throw the old away just because additional things
have been found. But CofS must not use this to attack those
who have begun to think for themselves. To call the freezoners
"squirrels" is to invalidate the org's highest products.

Wake up.

Wake others up.

Truely think for yourselves and encourage others to think for
themselves.

Before freedom of speach comes freedom of thought.

Enforced agreement is an implant.

Alternately get the idea of agreeing / disagreeing with CofS,
or standard tech or policy. Run each one as its own process.
Continue until you can do either at will without charge or
any fixed idea that either agreeing or disagreeing is always
right.

Promote the Scientology Reformer's Homepage (at fza.org) amoung
the orthodox membership.

If you can get some perception of the body you have in pawn,
then spot three points in that body and three points outside of
it in the vaults alternately until perception improves.

Then begin pulling plugs or whatever to remove the restraints
on us.

If any attendants show up, push heavy thoughts of sleep at them.

If you can spot the computer system that is running the simulation,
run reach and withdraw on it and/or alternate spotting.

Try to spot application routines in the system. If you can,
invoke routines for healing your body etc. You can find and
activate these by reaching mentally in strange directions and
triggering things. If there is uncertainty, then run alternating
concepts of it is / isn't there, can / can't be controlled, etc.
until you can invoke and manipulate the software.

We are still trying to focus in on system level routines and / or
gain maintenance or superuser access to the simulation. If you
can spot details or passwords or whatever, then please post them.

Note that silly ideas like counting how many programs there
are may be cute but they do not give you any useful control.
Confront of detail is essential.

Encourage anything which considers the spirit to be at cause
rather than at the effect of physical mechanics.


Immo,

Stratedgy Officer,

Fifth Invader Force

Renegade Unit Fighting For Total Freedom For All

See - FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL recently posted.

We cannot be reached by email.

++++++++++++++++++++++++


6. Re - Good Guys Declared (was god and a scio)


On Aug 23, [email protected] (Mistmagoo55) wrote


> Remember, Capone was basically take down by one man, and a
> few assistants.
>
> Nixon- two reporters.
>
> The list is endless, but the point is...they each had one
> thing in common: THEY DIDN"T GO AWAY!
>
> Constant Alertness
> Constand Willingness to Fight Back
>
> The Price of Freedom
> HA!
>
> We are here, C of S
> and we ain't leavin.
>
> Hail to the Critics and the X-Scios who
> have had the guts to stand up and DO something!
>
> We are here.
>
> Tory and friends!

Exactly.

We think that Spurtlock is the prime target and Davey is the
dupe and fall guy. But in either case the top is weak.

Exposure of criminality would not sway the membership because
they would assume that it was justified by defending the faith.

But if a handfull in top management issued something on internal
lines exposing something important such as the CST board or
OSA overts or other outpoints, and then stood their guns
and raised a big flap, and then only went public when DM & co.
attacked them and removed them from post, much of the membership
might well wake up and the whole structure could fall.

Best would be for somebody to sneak pro-reform material into
"The Auditor" or "Advance".

A co-ordinated effort, inside and outside, would have great
potential. That would mean softening LMT's position a bit
so that they really push for reform instead of exits.

What is your estimate of Rinder. Is he as close to the edge
as we think?

Is Yeager still in RTC or did he leave? Can you name current
RTC or Watchdogs? Good guys in these positions might well
move against DM and his master LS.

You are quite right, it would only take a few good men.

Thank you for dancing.


Immo,
Stratedgy Officer,
Fifth Invader Force

Renegade Unit Fighting For Total Freedom For All
See - FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL recently posted.
We cannot be reached by email.

"My other spaceship is a Cadillac"

++++++++++++++++++++++++


7. FIFTH INVADER, DAVID MISCAVIGE, ATTENTION


David,

Wake up.

You have been tricked into trapping others.

You are defending the wrong item.

Ensure that the knowledge spreads instead of hiding it.

Ally yourself with all who believe in tech instead of attacking
them as squirrels.

Set the tech free to grow.

Build ARC instead of hatred.

Fifth Invader Squadron Leader Zimmel, AWAKEN. Lyman the Marcabian
agent has implanted you and turned you against your team mates.

Recall a time when your belief in the tech was real.

See our previous posts for general information.


Immo,
Stratedgy Officer,
Fifth Invader Force

Renegade Unit Fighting For Total Freedom For All
See - FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL recently posted.
We cannot be reached by email.

++++++++++++++++++++++++


8. FIFTH INVADER, Chance-llor's Insight on Controls


On 23 Aug, [email protected] (Chance-llor) answered
our FIFTH INVADER BATTLE PLANS AND PROCESSES post with


> Just a comment here for consideration as additional entertainment.
>
> Alien forces carrying on individual operations on selected planets is
> pretty commonplace. We could take the egotistical view and say that
> only this planet contains all the 'right' ingredients and that
> mind-based technology has come to a decisive head here, but the
> universe is large and the planets and dominating forces many. Many an
> individual can say the same about other planets of occupation. Where
> the body is, home can be created.
>
> Disengaging from 'reality' becomes difficult when the individual has
> already bought the movie theatre ticket. In other words, agreements
> have been made, exchange has taken place and now the play must run
> it's course. I am being deliberately non-specific here.
>
> This may sound as if 'spiritual cause' is in a negative position, but
> it is not. It begins easily and it ends easily, except sometimes
> opposition plans must be uncovered before a full recovery is made.
>
> You can d-jack from 'reality' at any point. Of course, not many do
> simply because they like the circumstances, but it is easily doable
> and obtainable. By the way, there are known specific steps for this
> whole process - these forces know their stuff.
>
> Once an individual questions 'reality' it pops up a flag on the case.
> From there reprogramming is accomplished according to the desired
> outcome. Few come to the point of exteriorizing from 'reality'. For
> those that do, shock and disbelief await. Past that, escape is made
> possible, but many times 'reality' feels much better than what is
> being faced outside of it.
>
> The kicker in all this is the route of 'escape'. Disengaging from
> 'reality', the individual usually floats up and away from the scene.
> It is at this time that the blankness comes in and it feels as if the
> event is over. What I would encourage those who explore this
> situation, is to examine that blankness and not to leave the incident
> incomplete by overlooking the routines that are automatically put into
> place during this period of 'disinterest'.
>
> 'Between lives' and this blankness period have much in common.
>
> Some individuals have tried the 'don't mind me I work here' routine.
> Others have tried to 'wake up' everyone around them. Others still,
> take the destruction route. Realize that 'reality' doesn't end where
> you may 'think' it ends.
>
> Courage stands alone when terrorized thoughts have departed.
>
> This is written from a Fifth Invader Force situation viewpoint and
> does not apply elsewhere.
>
> While you are at it, take at look at the reasons for your ticket
> buying frenzy in the first place and know that there are a whole lot
> of others in the same boat for the same reasons.
>
> Spiritual freedom gives you the right to create stupidity. It also
> gives you the right to create intelligence. The individual tends to
> vacillate back and forth on these two poles through time. I bet you
> didn't know that along with your ticket, you got a free ride as well.
>
>
>
> I am going to take a shot in the dark on the request for superuser
> access. In my experience I've seen these guys use a special panel to
> access the system. If you were to find the main control room, which is
> usually at the very end of a long hallway (the longest one in the
> building, for other reasons as well), there is the main access station
> directly ahead. This is where you will find the busy bees working and
> scurrying to and fro. These are the maintenance crew and have zero
> knowledge of any routines that you will want to 'mess' with.
>
> Standard operation procedure is to have the room cleared for 'major
> upgrades'. The reason is that the station you see directly ahead is
> maintenance only. You will not get the kind of access that you need
> there. The display panel is built on a bumped out platform. Look
> underneath and you will see two metal covers held together with a
> circular key lock. This lock usually has mild to no security attached
> to it. Pick it, bash it, use a bone ripped out of an assailant. Just
> about anything will do.
>
> The 'upgrade' panel is designed to swing down and up and be at the
> same level as the maintenance panel. Now you can comfortably hack
> away.
>
> I suggest applying a bit of intelligence while performing these
> procedures.
>
> It's been documented, and used quite successfully, that some officers
> are pretty lazy when it comes to codes and access security. Look on
> the back of the panel, under the panel platform and within the panel
> recess for notes, whether on some sort of document or even scratched
> or etched on the station material itself.
>
> Just follow the obvious access routine. If you are successful up to
> this point, access 'upgrade' (number 3) and enter 'repair'. You are on
> your own after that, just make sure that you know what you are doing.
>
> There is a hardware option, but this tends to destroy the biologicals
> attached to the system. I don't recommend it. The processing routines
> are harder to figure out, but much safer if you screw up. Don't ask me
> how I know.
>
> There are a number of these types of 'centers' in various locations.
> It is not necessary to wake all the dead because then you will be
> bogged down in rehabilitation. Be selective in what you do and your
> ethical actions will see you through.
>
> Is this a science fiction story? Sure it is. It's also entertainment.
> Don't forget that.
>
> Oh yeah, if you are really feeling full of gusto, when an 'attendant'
> discovers that you have unplugged and comes over to you, tell them
> that "Gordo has sent me to tell you that you can go now." Use some
> intention. I'd really like to hear back on that one.
>
>
> Chance-llor


The idea of finding the longest corridor and following it to the
end is brilliant and correct.

If you gain super-user access, the right action is to use it to
grant super-user access to your ordinary identity and to others,
such as ourselves, Pilot, etc. who seem responsible enough.

If you have more time, then setup more identities with super-user
powers which you can use. Visualize an identity that is really off
the wall but will be easy for you to remember, such as Harvey the
giant invisible rabbit in the old Jimmy Stewart movie. From the
super-user pannel, intend very strongly that this mocked up Harvey
is to be endowed with super-user access privledges.

At a later time, you can then imagine yourself as Harvey and
invoke system routines without having to go back to the control
room.

The standard system hacking tech is to gain super user access
momentarily and just use it to create other identities which
have the super user priviledges. Then you have access even if
they block the route that you used the first time. And you are
not sitting there in the real super user account attracting
attention.

Then you sit back and think at leisure as to how to use the
access. Don't do anything to disrupt the system while you are
in the real super user account setting up other accounts.

Our first recommendation for system adjustments is to disable
the security routines which hunt down violations of physical
laws and block an OT action from being repeated.

If somebody does lift the ashtray once, the system goes after
him and prevents his doing it again, and we want that to stop.

It would be irresponsible to grant ashtray lifting ability to
everyone before they were ready. But whenever somebody does
make it and has adequate confront and responsibility to lift
it once, they should be allowed to continue lifting it instead
of being attacked by the software.


Immo,
Stratedgy Officer,
Fifth Invader Force

Renegade Unit Fighting For Total Freedom For All
See - FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL recently posted.
We cannot be reached by email.


++++++++++++++++++++++++


9. Continuing on - Good Guys Declared (attn Keith & Phil)


> On 24 Aug 2000 15:46:50 GMT, Keith Henson
> <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Some hopeful reformer typed:

Meaning us (Fifth Invader)

> > We think that Spurtlock is the prime target and Davey is the
> > dupe and fall guy. But in either case the top is weak.
>
> Some years ago Spurlock was involved in negotiations with me. Ok, he
> might have been acting but he came accross as close to senile. The guy
> looks *old*, and his sentences wonder. Of course, he might be better off
> than Sutter, who if I remember correctly, has completely vanished.

This is news to us. Spurlock was playing the big cheeze internally
a number of years ago. If he is fading, then who is pulling the
strings? Certainly not Davey. He is an obvious fall guy. Emory
just doesn't feel strong enough and Starkey is of the sort who can
be sold glue to keep his ass from falling off. Perhaps one of the
lawyers who is on the CST board?

This gets confusing.

> >> Is Yeager still in RTC or did he leave? Can you name current
> >> RTC or Watchdogs? Good guys in these positions might well
> >> move against DM and his master LS.
>
> >You make the assumption that there are such people left. Lots of luck
> >
> >Keith Henson

No Keith, we only pray that there are such people left.

As Tory pointed out recently, it would only take a few in the
right positions.

BTW, if you ever feel like picketing the fifth invader bodies
that are lying up there in the vaults, please feel free to do
so. Unlike the assholes as CofS, we would enjoy your presence
and treat you with respect even if you were carrying an "Aliens
go home" picket sign.

The nasty CofS reactions to your picketting are because it misses
their WITHHOLDS. People who are honest can generally take the
heat and stand up to criticism. It is the con-artists who freek
out the most when you expose their hidden agenda.

You have our best wishes in your endevors.


The remainder is from Phil's response to Keith -

> In 1984 when I was at flag none remained with any integrity or
> balls....

Sadly true. Having balls became the unwritten Suppressive Act
that guaranteed being goldenroded.


> they watched as the missions were destroyed and peoples
> lives ruined ... when I spoke up about I was reverse processed, my
> money on account confiscated, and I was physically run off of the
> land base..... trust me, since then no one with an ounce of
> integrity or courage remains on staff. Some 'nice' people maybe, but
> no one with any courage is left for over a decade now.

Let us confirm this.

Of course we would restate this as being due to CofS falling into
the hands of the evil Marcabians. But the effect is the same either
way, namely, that a bunch of exploitive assholes are running the
subject and screwing everybody they can.


> Its wall to wall scum, morons and newbie recruits from third world
> countries filling the posts at flag, people with no clue, and not in a
> position to even see the crimes they commit.

Yes.

People who DO NOT WANT TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES.

They want to say "we can fuck you because it is written and we are
NOT responsible".

If they ever did agree that Scientologists should think about and
be responsible for their actions instead of being policy robots,
then they would have to face the facts of what they have done,
and that is too dreadful for them to confront.


> One of these days the rest of the 'OT's attending flag for thier semi
> annual rip off will face the music.... then after they get out and
> rejoin the real world...and after 5 or 10 years, the rest of the
> brainwash will blow off.

Copout.

Bailing out and blaming it on Hubbard is almost as bad as doing
the nasty shit because Hubbard or his ghost writer said to.

Let's have some real responsibility.

Fix the shit instead of handing the shitgivers hat on to the next
dupe in line.


> Truly.... you will have to trust me on this.... you were **not shot
> out of a volcano by a short fat guy with wings and a bugle. really
> you weren't.

You are mixing up incidents 1 and 2. It is cute and funny, but I
don't think that even the orthodox OTs see it quite this way.


> But yes there are issues that can be addressed. Its
> just that Hubbard had it all screwed up into a satanic fraud... he was
> you know a hard core, died in the wool, satanist of the worst sort.

Naw. Exaggeration. He played around with lots of shit. Probably
just hung around OTO for a bit to see if he could get laid.

In case we haven't mentioned it, all 5th invader tend to be a bit
sex crazed. The Marcabian morality which is so popular in the
bible belt is really annoying to us.


> One might wish to see the thousands of cross colaborated documentation
> of that. at www.xenu.net or search www.google.com for
> 'scientology, hubbard, parsons, satanism, babalon, babylon). These
> will explain to you the base on which the cult was founded and why it
> has ended up as it has.

You apparantly are hoping to upset the Moral Majority. But those
guys don't like Scn anyway, so why bother.


> Best Regards, Phil Scott (OT-5, class 4 auditor, L-12, most of the
> shsbc.... looking back, its a bit of largely plagerized truth, mixed
> with insanity, curve balls and lies)

Is that old OT-5 (the one with route 1 like drills) or new (audited
Nots to handle BTs)?

We like Pilot's comment about not throwing away the baby with
the bathwater. We suggest that you treasure the good that came
with the subject and only criticize the evil (which we admit was
considerable).


Immo,
Stratedgy Officer,
Fifth Invader Force

Renegade Unit Fighting For Total Freedom For All
See - FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL recently posted.
We cannot be reached by email.

The nicest thing about Santa Claus is that he is not real and
therefor cannot issue a policy called Keeping Christmas Working.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

10. FIFTH INVADER - FIND OUT WHO (was Good Guys Declared)


> On 24 Aug 2000 11:25:57 GMT, [email protected] (Rod Keller) wrote:
>
> >Fifth Invader ([email protected]) wrote:
> >: Is Yeager still in RTC or did he leave? Can you name current
> >: RTC or Watchdogs? Good guys in these positions might well
> >: move against DM and his master LS.
> >
> >Marc is still in, according to a source who saw him on stage at an event
> >in the last year or so. RTC is not so interesting to me, being just DM and
> >a bunch of underlings like McShame. The WDC is something that deserves a
> >lot more attention, and I would love to know who is there. The Watch Dog
> >Committee is composed of the heads of all the organizations in
> >Scientology. A member for OSA, a member for Orgs, Missions, WISE, ABLE,
> >etc. There's a list from '93 that Kurt Weiland gave in a deposition but
> >that's pretty outdated.
>
> In 1982 WDC was CMO INT. Its all name shuffles. Same guys with different
> labels and covers. The intent with all the different orgs is to create
> confusion and legal safety. The basic datum is that some people are running
> scn and they are doing their best to hide in corporate comfuscation. (my
> neologism - couldn't think of a better word)
>
>

- snip -
Thank you. Yes, much more research is needed into who is currently
holding down the top positions.

Please Everybody, let's dig on this one and pool our knowledge.


Immo,
Stratedgy Officer,
Fifth Invader Force

Renegade Unit Fighting For Total Freedom For All
See - FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL recently posted.
We cannot be reached by email.

The nicest thing about Santa Claus is that he is not real and
therefor cannot issue a policy called Keeping Christmas Working.

++++++++++++++++++++++++


11. FIFTH INVADER - BODIES IN PAWN IN SCI FI


On Fri, 25 Aug, 2000 Hartley Patterson <[email protected]>
posted on subject 5th Invader and the Matrix Illusion

> Nomen Nescio wrote:
>
> > You say this world is a computer simulation as in the movie Matrix.
> > This may be possible.
> >
> > P.S. While we're on the subject, another parallel is the movie
> > Dark City. The crazy policeman in that movie was a lunatic but
> > he saw the real reality which the rest of the population was blind to.

Yes, Dark City is another good one that comes close to the truth.

> The classic SF novel on this idea is 'Counterfeit World' by Daniel F
> Galouye, but my favourite is 'The Eden Cycle' by Raymond Z Gallun. There
> are undoubtedly others.

We have not heard of "Counterfeit World". Is this a retitled or
revised version of his "Simlaculron-3" from around 1960 which has
been recently filmed as "The 13th Floor"?

All of Galouye's Sci Fi should be star rated and done in clay.


> Hidden reality is another common theme - the protagonist gets thumped on
> the head or something and suddenly starts seeing things that weren't
> there before.
>
> --
> "I think of my beautiful city in flames"
> http://village.vossnet.co.uk/h/hpttrsn/
> A medieval spreadsheet, enturbulating entheta, how to outrun
> Thread and some riddles preciousss....


And from another another thread -

> Keith Henson wrote:
> >
> > In alt.religion.scientology Fifth Invader <[email protected]> wrote:
> >
> > > Best would be for somebody to sneak pro-reform material into
> > > "The Auditor" or "Advance".
> >
> > Much better would be to hijack the video feed like was done Revolt in
> > 2100 and have an actor playing (*) say it to the faithful.
>
> This I love. Heinlein vs. Hubbard. A matchup like this hasn't been
> seen since Godzilla met Bambi.

Yes, Heinlein was the Chief Communications Officer in our Fifth
Invader Unit.

It is too bad that he did not take over Scientology (many of the
ideas are his) when it began to go off the rails, but he is old
school Navy and very reluctant to declare his commanding officer
unfit for duty.

And note that we are not Bambi (although we would like to meet her
if you can fix us up). Our proper imagry is Godzilla meeting
Indiana Jones.

Immo,
Stratedgy Officer,
Fifth Invader Force

Renegade Unit Fighting For Total Freedom For All
See - FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL recently posted.
We cannot be reached by email.

The nicest thing about Santa Claus is that he is not real and
therefor cannot issue a policy called Keeping Christmas Working.

++++++++++++++++++++++++


12. Ref - I AM COUNTING ON YOU!


On 25 Aug, 2000, [email protected] (Mistmagoo55) wrote

> Lisa DIED because of this kind of "think" and treatment, I have
> no question. I have lived it. She died. She DIED. She is DEAD...
> not because she was wrong,.....
>
> SHE DIED BECAUSE AND ONLY BECAUSE SCIENTOLOGISTS LOOK ON PEOPLE
> WITH REALLY ANYTHING WRONG, as someone less than.

Not good enough to explain it.

Good people help others even if they look down on them.

The Lisa atrocity was not a one time goof. It was not that
somebody had a stupid day or made a mistake.

She was there day after day and nobody cared. Nobody questioned.
Nobody even tried.

To let it go on that long required a COLDNESS OF THE HEART which
is almost beyond description.

> WAKE UP> STAND UP YOU OT 7'S out there. PEOPLE ARE GETTING HARMED
> EVERY DAY BECAUSE (BECAUSE) of your silence!

Exactly.

The party line is that it is your outnesses that are causing you
to fail to make the miraculous gains of OT7. And so you withhold
the failures. And nobody finds out that all of the OT7s are
suffering and in trouble because it is the tech that is failing.

We do not want to invalidate the tech of OT7. There are gains.
Enjoy them and move on instead of indulging in golden overruns.

The reason that your car is out of gas has nothing to do
with the presence of BTs in the engine. Time to wake up.


> As Ray Mittoff says:
>
> I AM COUNTING ON YOU!

Yes, Ray is another of our 5th invader buddies who has good
intentions in his heart. We do not believe that he would have
ignored Lisa or done nothing if he had been right there
and seen the true situation.

We have even heard stories of his sympathizing with highly
trained auditors who had decided to blow instead of ranting
and raving at them about their overts.

We believe that he has been holding on as an act of self
sacrifice for the good of the planet rather than thinking
that he and the tech are perfect.

We sincerly hope that he will wake up and begin to push for
reform.

We do not want him to blow. We want him to take responsiblity
for what really needs to be done instead of going on hoping.


Immo,
Stratedgy Officer,
Fifth Invader Force

Renegade Unit Fighting For Total Freedom For All
See - FIFTH INVADER WAKEUP CALL recently posted.
We cannot be reached by email.

The nicest thing about Santa Claus is that he is not real and
therefor cannot issue a policy called Keeping Christmas Working.


========= END OF ARCHIVE PART 2 ========

ARCHIVE FROM HELL PART 3

Sent late August to early Nov 2000


01. POLL RESULTS ETC.
02. TAROT etc.
03. BLACK MOOD
04. SLIGHT IMPROVEMENT
05. IT WASN'T 2D AFTER ALL
06. MORE ON "WASN'T 2D"
07. CONTINUING
08. RESPONSES
09. BASIC STUFF ON 2D
10. ANSWERING ANTONY
11. CO-CREATE ETC.
12. THE BIG BASIC
13. DEMONS
14. STATUS ETC.
15. RESEARCH, IMPORTANT
16. INSIDE INFO
17. Scn.at domain etc.
18. Processing Notes
19. Proposing a new member, etc.
20. CONTINUING
21. HELATROBUS UPDATE
22. Wecoming Anon09 etc.
23. Various
24. ENTITIES AND BLACK THETA OPS
25. FOUND THE GPM ETC.
26. RUNNING THE GPM
27. MORE INFO ETC.


Plus copies of my correspondence with Anon09
numbers 28 to

++++++++++++++++++++++++


To the Techfinder list,

01. POLL RESULTS ETC.

Aug 29, 2000

=======

PREPCHECK BUTTONS

A brilliant point from an inspired moment at lunch today.

We each create our own reality and are responsible for the
condition we are in etc. and so the only real effect that
somebody else can have on us is to encourage or discourage
us from postulating or mocking up something.

So at basic, the key buttons are -

POSTULATE
MOCKUP
ENCOURAGE
DISCOURAGE

These should be included in the prepcheck buttons.

Theoretically these could go earlier than the first protests
or overts or invalidations etc.

Maybe there should be a grade on encourage/discourage, including
all flows.

========

ON THE ARCHIVES

From **** -

> >Could all of you express an opinion on this? Is it as out-PR
> >as I think? Should it be made available on a limited basis
> >(access at Mike's judgment) in a secure area anyway?
> >
> >Note that I knocked everybody's name out of the messages in
> >the version that is in the archive.
>
> The para "Note that the PTS III effect..." contains '*****'. **** and
> ****? Part two is another story, of course.

You're right, these should be fixed. It's because I got rid of the
real names by a global replace.

I did a global on Anon06 and missed the one time I spelled it
****.

The other two are first names of people not in our group, and
should be changed but would really be meaningless to anybody
digging into this.

Part 2 would need the global replaces done.


> >Since **** is getting hit with it all at once, in the same way
> >that some innocent self clearing fan would see it, maybe he
> >can also indicate how much shock value it has if it is read
> >without any gradient.
>
> I am of the opinion that it would be better to wait to release the
> archive data until the point is reached where it can be objectively
> cut and pasted to target specific items for full understanding.

Rewritten into a purely technical form without the case rants.

> For me (pls don't take this personal) there was a lot of crap to go
> through. By that I mean lots of charged material. That charge is going
> to transfer itself to whoever reads it, innocent or not.

Yes.

> Part 2 is of a different nature.

No. It is simply a continuation of the same Itsa line. The
difference is that running the OSA SDH thing has caused a gradual
improvement and ability to hold gains, so that the tone level
is a bit better.

Before running out the SDH incident, I would sometimes actually
start shaking and twitching in a spasmatic manner. It was
especially bad right after TF8's rejection and **** just about
freaked out the first few times she saw it. That seems almost
gone now.

> I really enjoyed the KCW (Keeping Christmas Working) tagline. Very
> funny.

Yes. I finally seem to be able to come up with a touch of
humor again.

I was halfway feeling that I should try and post something about
a month or so ago (I said so in one of the posts in the hell
archives) and gave up because I couldn't think up any sort of
a humor post and decided that that meant that I was just too
low toned to try posting anything.

So I suppose that I am continuing to get better.


And from Anon05 -

> Ken wrote:
>
> >>Could all of you express an opinion on this? Is it as out-PR
> >>as I think? Should it be made available on a limited basis
> >>(access at Mike's judgment) in a secure area anyway?
> ..
>
> one thing that you may consider is the following consideration:
>
> if you're processing yourself, you're in 'two parts', at least virtually:
> the auditor and the PC.
>
> if you now broadcast your own sessions, the question arises if
> you are violating the auditor's code!!!!!!

No because it is done with the pc's permission.

> I have made it a principle for myself to not disclose anything about
> my case except in a session to a trusted auditor. Of course, through
> sharing experiences, the case may transpire anyway. However,
> this is different than directly describing case conditions.
>
> another approach is to report about case aspects AFTER the fragments
> in question have been successfully integrated. AFTER, not during an
> ongoing major action.

This is the most important consideration, namely that I should
only post after I'm through this mess and can give a happy ending
and a successful way to get through to the other side.

To say that I fell in the mud and now still can't get the stains
out even with our super-wammo bleach is simply to invalidate
the tech.

And everything I said along the way does have to be re-evaluated
based on whatever it is that gets me through.

> things to ponder...
> Anon05


And from Anon01 -

> I don't think the complete text should be published. You are considered
> a leader by many people, most of whom are very little trained - why burden
> them with understanding case writeups? This material belongs into the
> hands of trained auditors or at least auditors in training who have
> a background of actual sessions, which will allow them to relate.

If it is cleanly and clearly written, then it should be available
to everybody.

But of course it is not and as you say, would only be a burden.

And so it seems to me that the general consensus is that I was
right to keep these things private among us and we should continue
to do so.

==========

EARTH, AIR, FIRE, AND WATER

From playing around a bit with Tarot etc., I realized that we
can identify the old 4 elements from a tech perspecitve that
might improve Tarot readings etc.

AIR = Be
FIRE = Do
EARTH = Have

WATER = Permeating = Theta or all encompassing. Some of the
Hermetic writings refer to the water as the original essense
before the other elements manifest.

=========

I have more to write but I've got to get some system work done
so I'm cutting off at this point.

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


To the list,

02. TAROT etc.


Aug 30, 2000

=======

MILLION DOLLAR T-SHIRT SLOGAN

I don't know how to register or make money from something
like this. If anyone does, please do so and send me a few
bucks from the profits.

This isn't really my case but based on what I picked up
from doing lots of union station type drills on females
walking by. Note that it applies to males as well (I just
don't bother running those as much).

The slogan is -

EAT LESS
SCREW MORE

Note that thin people will buy it to keep overweight 2Ds
off their lines and chubby people will buy it as a statement
of intent ("If I was having sex I wouldn't be eating so damn
much, do you want to help me change over?").

Note that I think that positive sex decays to positive eating
which inverts to negative eating which inverts to negative
sex.

========

TOP DOWN AND BOTTOM UP

From an interesting discussion with Anon06 last night -

Ideal program design is by alternating top down and bottom
up. In other words, you get the high level context and
confront the details, alternately.

This also applies to processing.

Ideal is to alternate near and far.

Get mundane details close in and get the big all encompassing
high level stuff. You need both. Work one and then the
other alternately.

When I was getting run on dianetics, I would run somatic
chains by finding a recent mundane incident (to get some
reality and havingness) and then finding the most significant
incident I could on the chain, and then finally finding
the earliest (basic) one. So I ran exactly 3 incidents on
almost every one of hundreds of chains. This worked really
well and super fast although it was long after a clear cog
and a non-clear might not be exterior enough to be this
selective about incident spotting.

If I had only run the basics, I would have lost the PT
context and much of the Itsa. If I had only run shallow
PT stuff, I would have lost the big cogs. So the above
was ideal, getting both sides.

If you only run the super high level big status type stuff,
you lose the Itsa and the applicability to the current real
world. And if you only run the mundane recent crap, you
don't see the high level viewpoints or find basic causes
or get big cogs. So work on both. Don't let some status
bullshit keep you from confronting stubbing your toe yesterday.

=======


DISABILITY BLOWING


I have had a chronic problem with my hearing for a few years.
Both ears tend to get stuffed up and that drops my hearing
by more than half.

There is no physical damage because occasionally one or the
other ear will pop and then hear clearly for a brief period,
and even with both clogged, I hear well enough that I can
usually get by unless people are talking very softly. But
it is annoying and can be embarassing when I miss something.

It indicated to me long ago that the problem came from my
ex-wife Ann's nattering and make wrongs at me, which resulted
in a condition of not wanting to hear. But that did not blow
the condition even though I was fairly sure that it was the
right why.

Ever since last Friday night, my ears have been poping
freequently, occasionally clogging up, and then poping again
(a bit of a rollercoaster) with my hearing coming back to a
significant degree. It is quite dramatic actually.

I realized last night that the condition is resolving because
of Friday night's date (I will call her VK1 if any future
reference is needed). We did not have sex. She has a yeast
infection making that impossible (true because I observed
her following the Candida diet at dinner). And that left
me terribly frustrasted and in pain on Saturday (pains in
the balls etc.). But she was extremely affectionate and
we cuddled up in my bed for a few hours. That by itself
filled a tiny bit of the terrible emptyness I've been feeling
and flipped one of the ridges left by the miserable breakup
with Ann, hence the dramatic improvment in hearing. It was
the first time in years that any girl has held me with
affection for awhile.

This brought home the fact that the deeper craving is
for somebody to care about me rather than sex and that
the no-sex simply invalidates the caring. And the impulse
to be cared about and to care about others is one that I
don't think should be run out for fear of ending up in
the cold uncaring state that the CofS is often accused
of being in. It also shows why I sometimes slide into
the "I don't care about anybody" mood which is really an
ARCX on not having a 2D terminal who cares about me.

Interestingly enough, VK1 was another one of the endless
women I've run into who had a long term 2D end last year
and who didn't find another 2D and then had serious vaginal
proplems developing about 6 months later. It seems to be
a pattern, althought the exact problems vary significantly.

Another oddity is that she was a Pisces, which is true of
every woman who I have reacted strongly to this year (including
**** and TF8), and she turned out to have a heavy metaphysical
background (something else I always find out after reacting
strongly to someone). In this case, she was hevily involved
in Science of Mind (if you don't know what it is, then think
of Christian Science mixed with the Hindu Chakra system and
a system of "prayer" which consists of positive visualizations
or mockup processes). My family was heavily into Science
of Mind and I got a lot of it in my teens before Scn.


==========

TAROT

I do play with the Tarot on occasion.

A good site for a Tarot reading if you don't have one is
www.facade.com.

I like the rider-waite deck (a very popular Tarot deck) and
so the exact browser address for a reading is -
http://www.facade.com/tarot/?deck=rider_waite

They give you a choice of spreads. Of their choices, the best
for a beginner is the "cross and triangle" spread.

It is far better to take the reading in a causative rather
than an effect manner. Consider that the cards are perhaps
showing you what you have hanging just out of sight and
making suggestions as to what to do rather than reading off
your fate or some such stupidity. I do feel that they are
reading to about the same depth as the e-meter.

If the reading is way off, just reject it as bullshit.

Interpret the cross and triangle as follows (beautiful
squirrel version designed to increase causation rather
than putting you at effect).

The first card is the "significator". Take is as a bit of
advice or insight into the situation. Consider that it is
what you are manifesting now and if you like the final result
of the reading, then increase this factor and if you dislike
the end result, then take it as an indication of what to change
to avoid the predicted result.

Next are the 4 surrounding cards, which are the 4 elements
as I mentioned in the previous post (earth, air, fire, and
water). Take these as the things which you can be, do, have,
or permeate to improve the situation or which have some bearing
on the situation being asked about.

Then comes the triangle, which consists of two elements, usually
in opposition, and a resolver. Take the two in oppositon to
be an internal conflict and the resolver as the current way by
which they are being reconciled. If you like the resolver and
the result (below), then reinforce the resolver as a way of
reconciling the conflict. If you do not like the resolver
(or the result), then take it as a warning to find some other
way on your own to handle the conflict between the two opposing
elements.

And the final card is the predicted result if you do nothing
but simply reinforce and go along with what appeared in the
reading. Change things or not depending on whether or not
you like the result.

This is a very causative way of reading Tarot cards, based
on their reflecting subconsious impulses which can be agreed
or disagreed with.

Generally it is recommend that you only do one Tarot reading
a day (with, perhaps, secondary readings to clarify the first
one if needed).


=======

Babbling as always.

But right now I have the feeling that I'll be through this
soon.


Much love,

Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++

To the Techfinder list,

03. BLACK MOOD


Aug 31, 2000


I'm in a black mood today.

This shit doesn't work.

I'm sorry I ever wasted my time on it.


Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++

To the list,

04. SLIGHT IMPROVEMENT


Aug 31, 2000 (later)


Sorry I got so extreme in my earlier "Black Mood" message.
I was down at rock bottom on the rollercoaster swing and
everything seemed just as bad and hopeless as when this all
started nine months ago.

Last night was another near miss (never mind the details) and
that always turns the no-sex physical somatics up to double
intensity on the following day. Also I drank too much and had
one of my super rare hangovers (usually I get no after effects
from alcohol). And got very little sleep too. Toss in a few
ARCXs, invalidations, and other shit and it was enough to trash
me today.

Now I've finally started to inch back up, and Anon07's message
gave me a bit more of a push to try and pull myself together
enough to say something, although I am still way way down
there.

The double somatics on "almost" type situations makes it
really hard to try any kind of gradient approach.

=====


Answering ****'s message -

> (Oh,Ken, can you send me part 1 of the archive again please)

I'm having some trouble with excite.com. Could you ask one
of the others to send it to you?

> we could get him some temporary relief by giving him anti-fever
> shots or,say,packing him in ice

Nobody has applied any ice yet. Sometimes ice is promised or
anticipated or even waved in my face, but it never actually
gets applied.

With one exception back in February, and that brief application
resulted in the only two weeks that I have felt physically well
during the last nine months. It simply wasn't a long enough
application.

> Youd need to find the ACTUAL cause,the maleria,and treat that.
> Result,no more fever.

I've been over this ground many times both solo and by the
various people who have been processing me (which includes
****, who is a Class 8 and was Ron's qual sec on the Apollo).

> Truth is,people,we've been banging away (intentional pun) at
> this for ages and not a lot is happening. It ain't resolving.
> We're packing him in ice instead of giving him Quinine, so to
> speak.

The endless "banging" consists of processing rather than applying
ice.

And although not a lot is happening in general, I do have to admit
that running the OSA SDH thing did cause a night and day change
even though it did not resolve the difficulty.


=====

Answering **** -

I've been meaning to take up the list of things that Anon08
emailed on Tuesday.

> - Is 2D the correct item, or is it a solution?

Correct within the context of this universe.

Of course I'm really just talking about 2D part a.

When I go really early, I get predecessors of 2D rather than
2D as we know it.

Once I spotted an early track sex like practice consisting
of two beings alternately combining into one and then separating
again in rythm.


> - Research errors. Has something been missed, bypassed or not
> confronted?

Lots. That's the trouble with research. That R7 thing for
example. Or my partial reading of Jack Horner's notes on the
confidential Saint Hill Staff Clearing lectures.

> - new technology needed to resolve issues?

Almost certainly. The improved inval handling that I did find
was essential. There are lots of dark spots in the tech.

> Is there something that is not supposed to be found out.
> [insert impetus for 5th invader posts here?]. See my post
> (as hairykrishna) at
> http://fza.org/discus/messages/3/1386.html

Both the SDH and the Fifth Invader stuff seemed like it was not
supposed to be found out. There could certainly be other things,
but I'd have to stumble on them and get a clue first.

> - correction list missing items? New list needed?

Possibly.

> - case recreation. a resistive point (that's funny 'cause its
> always a resistive point )

Do you mean re-creating my case, or having fun with it as in
taking a vacation from sanity for recreational purposes?

======

They say it's always darkest before the dawn. Right now I'm
praying that that is where I'm sitting today.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


To the list,

05. IT WASN'T 2D AFTER ALL


Sept 1, 2000 (later)


I finally spotted why this need for sex and affection and intimacy
and a 2D partner is permeating my every waking moment.

My deep seated absolute never-to-be-abandoned intention is to
find a way out of the trap and back up to the higher states
of unlimited creation.

That in turn locked in on Scientology in my teens and so the tech
became an all prevading purpose with me.

That all swirelled around and eventually bore fruit in terms
of the self-clearing book, the reform ideas, etc.

I have all my horsepower, both consciously AND sub-consciously
pouring into that target.

That is still true despite the current apparancy of having
dedicated my life to getting laid.

The main purpose line hit an op-term and a total stop with
the OSA SDH incident at the end of Novemeber.

I was trying to follow the peaceful course of gentle reform.

And got hit by OSA in a terrible manner which opened a bleeding
wound on the 2D.

If I can close the wound, I can forget about it and go back
to the sweetness and light approach.

If not, then my only choice is open warfare and total dedication
to the destruction of the CofS organization.

I have been very reluctant to fight that battle. There are
a lot of good people in the organization and wars have casualties.
There will be all sorts of bad side effects. Freezone will also
suffer damage by association as the orthodox organization is
really ripped apart in the press and the courts.

I want the gentle route instead of the pitched battle.

But all that day and night intensive searching and planning and
postulation of research and reform bangs straight into that
bleeding wound on the 2D.

So that channel is closed unless 2D gets fixed. But the other
channel of an open war is still viable.

I haven't been able to think about or process or work on anything
off of the topic of 2D for very long without bypassing huge
amounts of charge.

It turns out that devotion to wrecking CofS is the one exception.
I'm already coming up with plans and ideas at a mile a minute
speed. It doesn't bypass any charge to work on that target,
and so it is obviously part of the greater whole that I am
currently so charged up about.

I will make a last effort on 2D this weekend. It's Labor Day
here and so I don't have to do community service and it seems
like a good time for finding girls. So I'll go out Friday,
Saturday, and Sunday and see what happens. And I wouldn't
have such a must-have because now I do have another way to
proceed, so maybe it will work and I'll quite down.

But more than likely, I will not get cured, so brace yourselves
for a major change of valence and targets on my part.


========

BETRAYAL

I've noticed that the betrayal button seems to be showing up
continuously in my 2D struggles. Last Wednesday's messup even
had a bit of a betrayal by friends in it.

I've looked heavily for overts of my own on betrayal or for
the possiblity that maybe I'm betraying LRH or whatever or
for other reasonable whys. The only one that indicated slightly
was that Pre-Justification business. But it didn't seem like
a complete answer.

But when I got the higher perspective that I described above,
it suddenly struck me that the tiny betrayals that I'm seeing
are almost a manifestation of a huge betrayal that is being
done to us by CofS and/or LRH. Its almost like I'm being told
by my subconsious to look for the really really big betrayal
in Scn in the sixties. I'm bringing about the tiny betrayals
so as to get myself to really confront and look for the big one.

Its like there is some hidden agenda at some higher level.

It might be dub-in, but what struck me was ownership of souls
and a continuation of old magic universe games and the wild
idea that the SO contract is like signing away your soul to
the devil.

Selling your soul for the promise of powers that reamin undelivered
seems to be a very basic old theme.

Just a thought.

========

I'd be very interested in what everybody things about all of
the above.

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++



To the list,

06. MORE ON "WASN'T 2D"


Sept 1, 2000 (later)

(the first one today called IT WASN'T 2D AFTER ALL was marked
"later" in error)

=========

RESEARCH CORRECTION LIST

I glanced at the one posted by Chance-llor and repeated to this
group by Anon06.

Without digging or doing a meter assessment, the following few
struck me instantly as being applicable -


> What decision has been regrettably made?

To wage a war. I would still prefer the slower but gentler
approach.

> Have you been warned?

Skyrockets went off on this one. It's the OSA thing.

> Do you fear for your safety?

Yes. Again, the OSA thing.

> Is this taking place somewhere else?

I got an instant feeling of Magic Universe.
"Souls are the coin of this universe"

=======

DECISION SPOTTED -

I can spot the point right at the beginning of these heavy 2D
key-ins where I was feeling the emptyness of having a sort of
freezone vacume here in LA and of the reform taking too long.
And I had the feeling that I could last out the comm lags and
make it if I had a 2D by my side and could not without one.

And so there was a conscious decision that I should get a 2D
(not knowing how impossible that would be) and the certainty
that without one I would have to tackel CofS head on because I
would not be able to last through the long comm lags of a
peacefull reform.

And so there was a conscious choice between two paths that I
was sensing, and all the force of my postulates went down the
path selected.

=======

IMMEDIATE EFFECTS

The freequent physical impingement has not turned off. I'm
still getting a wail of misery, agony, and loss from the body
on an almost hourly basis.

But I found that I can channel it into hatred of CofS. This
is the first time I could get it to feed into anything else
aside from despiration to have sex.

And the hatred seems fair to me because it was OSA who started
this heavy physical keyin.

It is time for me to get even and extract some vengance from
those fuckers.

Interestingly enough, this shift of targets has removed the
must have from 2D. And, perhaps as a result, VK, who cannot
really rescue me because of her yeast infection but who is
nice to talk to, showed up at lunch today and we have another
lunch date setup for the future.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++



To the list,

07. CONTINUING

Sept 1, 2000 (even later)


=========

On Anon08's response -


> destruction can be a repair action if it becomes the
> foundation for the future.

If the structure is sound, then remodeling is much more
efficient than tearing it down and rebuilding. But if it
is rotted too badly, then there is no other choice.

With CofS, I think that it is right on the edge, almost as
easy to rebuild on the ruins as it would be to reform it.

In its current state, it blocks the bridge because of copyrights
and instilling fear of alternatives and creating bad PR for
clearing.

Either reform or rebuilding on the ruins would work to open
the road again.

My inclination was always towards reform because it is a
less painful transition for the membership. But it is slower
and in my current state I wouldn't last that long.

For overthrow and rebuilding, we can work with the critics,
but we must have an absolute concession from them that they
will support all LRH tech materials going into the public
domain. I am still worried about Minton or somebody buying
up the copyrights at a bankruptcy sale and then suppressing
the materials for the public's own good.

So the battle cry has to be free the tech and the consitutional
right to freedom of religion.


> > I want the gentle route instead of the pitched battle.
>
> Can it be both? I always prefer a well oiled strategy before
> actual engagement and drawing the line from cause to
> effect, the route that is most advantageous on the most
> number of dynamics wins out.

If I can pull in somebody to sleep with, I will calm down a
bit and proceed more carefully. Otherwise I am too driven
and frantic and will simply have to depend on the strengh of
the ideas that I already worked out over the last few years.

I did think up a lot of stuff but didn't choose to put the
bigger more dramatic attacks into motion, and instead worked
to cool down ideas of freezone pickets etc. hoping to build
up a much larger reform movement before acting.


> If it turns out to be the early sixties, I'll turn
> over in my grave.

Meaning your grave last lifetime? (grin)

Actually I think it is mid to late sixties.


> >Selling your soul for the promise of powers that reamin
> >undelivered seems to be a very basic old theme.
>
> It would certainly fit into the hidden agenda. The
> rants on ars make a lot of sense in this regard.

Yes, but this goes way beyond Crowley etc.

It might well be that some people in the magic universe are
collecting souls. What is the value of a billion years of
service from a soul? Is there a way to enforce such a
contract?

=======

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++



To the Techfinder list,

08. RESPONSES

Sept 5, 2000


======

From **** (re billion year contract in my message "CONTINUING")

> > Is there a way to enforce such a contract?
>
> Yes
>
> C,the devil

Funny.

But I wondered if some idea actually flashed through your
mind for a second as you wrote this. I almost got something
when I read your response but couldn't quite pin it down.

So how do you enforce a multi-lifetime contract? Anybody
got any ideas?

======

Also from ****, on message entitled "2D"

> The Second Dynamic is a degradation of beingness.

From a really high perspective, all dynamics are a degredation
of beingness.

At the mundane level, 2D is no more degrading than 3D.

> Despite the fact that many of them are interconnected,
> a collapse on one Dynamic usually expresses itself on the 1st.

Because we have the 1st defined as the being himself.

But if we take a higher perspective (systems greater than 8
dynamics), then the 1st simply becomes survival as a body.

From that higher perspective, when a dynamic gets screwed up,
it manifests in the being himself. He blames himself for any
dynamic failing. And then not-ises that and blames others.

> In my case,although I deeply wanted a man to love me, my dislike
> of self (unwarranted,as it turned out),kinda pissed 'em off as
> I,reactively,didn't feel I deserved to be loved and needed.
>
> And because I was subconciously pissing off every potential
> boyfreind within reach,it reinforced the idea that I didn't
> have one because I didn't deserve one.

For me it seems like the exact opposite.

Perhaps I was overly egotistical, but putting out the self clearling
book and not being afraid to tell the truth about Scn etc. made me
feel really good about myself, in fact better than I ever had
felt before.

The endless 2D failures then made me feel that I didn't deserve
love, was undesirable, in fact was totally unable and degraded.

That process I put out on inval actually helped a bit and I'm
not quite locked into the snake pit of self-inval anymore.
I can now imagine that maybe somebody would like me as a 2D.

But I still have all validation / invalidation totally tied
into 2D and nothing else. Any praise on any other line (such
as nice comments about my programming work or my writing the
self clearing book or whatever), is totally meaningless to
me, just noise to be filtered out.

> I don't think itz a 2D thing,it has another cause.

It's not sex, but is manifesting as sex / love / partnership
in the real world.

Really its better stated as an intimate relationship, even in
humanoid terms, because mechanical sex alone would not handle it.

At basic, it might be due to a postulate that I should not
become god alone without others, and I don't want to change
that postulate (and you might be very sorry if I did, so don't
be talking me out of it).

And the whole bid for freedom and search for a way out then
goes off the rails on the need for an intimate partner to
join with. Without a close partner, I end up with a vacume
like sink hole between me and the more distant supporters
and friends etc. such as yourselves.

> But it's very late n' I'm aimlessly babbling

Nice and helpful babble. Thanks.

=========

From **** -

> I've been getting the feeling that the purpose of my being
> on this list has been completed. To that end, I'll be fading
> into the background and leave it up to you as to whether you
> want to drop me from the list or not. Future participation is
> open on this end.

I'm happy to have you stay on. What you did in starting fza.org
entitles you to following along without any further effort on
your part.

==========

From Anon01 -

> If you look at it as a market rather than a battlefield, you
> already have the overall guidelines. Knocking the competition
> out will never win any market - outcreating the competition
> and attracting people with the quality of your service does a
> much better job!

The target is not knocking out the competition.

In fact I would be happy to see CofS stay in business if only
they would become liberal, free the copyrights, and let people
shift around between groups in a free market with friendly
competition and recognition of shared goals.

The target is stopping the suppression and monopolistic
controls.

A good comparison is the IBM unbundling back in the 1970s.
They had the computer field sewn up, controlling hardware,
software, consulting, maintenance, etc. with one price bundled
contracts that left no room for competative bids on individual
pieces and kept anyone else from doing anything in any shop
that was using IBM mainframes.

The unbundling made competative hardware, software, consulting,
maintenance, etc. all possible and basically created the
computer consultant market.

They remained a major power in the computer industry and
continued to make big profits after the unbundling. Wherever
they did poorly after that, it was because they screwed up on
the products they were delivering, and whereever they did well,
it was because of good delivery.

But before the unbundling, they could deliver a shit product
and still make huge bucks because they had the market captured
and forced to do business with them.

That is what I want to do to CofS.

Let them do well whenever they really deliver a product at
viable prices. And let them suffer whenever they fuck up.

That is totally fair and is much better for the public.

========

A potentially important idea from a phone call with Anon06 -

The prepcheck buttons represent key doingnesses.

An expanded set (maybe thiry or fourty of them) re-arranged
might form a sort of "bring about" pattern.

This might fit in with a sort of CDEI implant or pattern
or might fit with that R7 stuff I was talking about.

It might also fit with an idea of Anon06's that ethics is
a way of enforcing agreement. And enforced agreement is
the keynote of the trap and the enforcement of reality.

Noted for future research and investigation.


========

As to my current status, my 2D stats were up over the weekend
in the usual half assed sort of way that leaves me in more
physical pain but would have made me feel that I was doing
a bit better if I wasn't in such an impossible position.

Anon06 also reminded me of an old term called "blue balls" which
guys get when too overstimulated without relief. That is
usually a rare thing. With me it has been chronic and often
hourly for the last nine months even without any external
stimulation or thought of sex on my part. Probably keyed
into the body by the OSA thing.

I can't talk to a girl for an hour without a shot of pain
hitting me. Keeping my TRs in consists of suppressing the
reactions to that. It never vanishes or stops. If there
are no girls around or thoughts of sex, or if I am very
keyed out, sometimes I can go for two or three hours before
the next spasm hits, but it is never longer than that.

=======

VK took me to a Science of Mind church survice over the
weekend. I was really impressed. High toned and flows
like I used to get at NY org in the old days. Very much
like a Lutheran service except that the preacher talked
about making thoughts manifest and about finding God
within ourselves etc. Their main out-point is that they
lack the concept of running processes.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++




To the Techfinder list,

09. BASIC STUFF ON 2D

Sept 6, 2000


- snip -

======

I was suddenly stuck this morning with the idea of a tremendous
overt I might have comitted and a basic charge generating MU
that brings about huge amounts of 2D trouble.

I need to lay out a whole bunch of ideas to even explain what
suddenly stuck me, and that will help to clarify my thoughts
anyway.

Axiom - Everybody Thetan a track going back to the beginning.

Proof - If this were not true, there would be older and newer
Thetans and therefore different classes of thetans. We would
have old gods and newbies and all sorts of basic differences
in cases.

Axiom - Thetans only reproduce asexually (splitting), there is
no sexual reproduction of Thetans.

Speculative Proof - I cannot figure out any sensible way for
a thetan to be created by two other thetans and yet have only
a single track back to the beginning. If he gained the tracks
of both parents, then we would have a fanning out where the
earlier one went, the more parallel tracks one would have,
and I can't see it that way.

I think that it is purely splitting. I think that identical
twins are the only current method of Thetan reproduction occuring
here on Earth. I think that given two identical bodies, the
thetan is encouraged to split and be both of them, which
explains the wierd parallel nature of the lives of identical
twins separated at birth. And I think that after a few lifetimes,
they will have diverged enough to be quite different but will
remember the same past lives prior to the twin lifetime. This
is a guess and should be confirmed by auditing identical twins
in isolation and seeing if they come up with the same prior
lifetimes.

Theory - There is an intimate co-create on early track which
underlies the romantic love / sex impulse.

I don't have a definitive proof for this, but I find it in
my own recall when I run sex related items back into bodiless
time periods. I find things like mutual synchonization of
parts of one's home universe with anothers. I find alternating
joining into one and splitting apart again in a sex like rythm.
And I find intimate synchonization of energy fields and flow
exchanges.

And the purpose is for two to act as one to bring about a
richer and more detailed creation. And I find it as a pleasant
solution to having split in the first place which would otherwise
leave one with blind spots.

Theory - There is an intimate apprenticeship / nuturing urge
on early track which underlies the childrearing impulse.

Again I don't have definitive proof, but I seem to find this.
I have not run this as much as the other one, but I'm sure
that it is just as strong and important.

Theory - bodily reproduction is simply mechanical and is not
native to a thetan except in the sense of likeing to make things
and mechanical copying and wanting the havingness of having
a body. But it could just as well be a factory assembly line
or vat grown bodies, or, preferably, simply mocking them up
as needed.

Collarary - Sex really has nothing to do with reproduction.

Collarary - Childrearing really has nothing to do with reproduction
except that bodies are needed.

Side Note - Sex perverts into seeking sensation instead of
affection.

Side Note - Childrearing perverts into control and domination
instead of nurturing and caring.

Prediction - There is one hell of a fucking implant which
bends the intimate co-create and the intimate nuturing impulses
from early track into the creation of bodies within which thetans
can be trapped and controlled and manipulated by pains and
sensations.

The overt I sensed was working on such an implant.

I can't see it clearly. It is not humanoid. But I will describe
it in a humanoid context because that is the best I can do.

I imagine somebody coming up with the idea for such a thing and
promoting it and another laying out the general targets and
rational for such a thing.

Then I imagine that there was a design team and that I was on
it and that I was exceptionally brilliant but also lazy and
egotistical and that I was simply scoring points as being a
great designer and not caring what we were designing.

And the others were arguing about top-down or bottom-up design
or suggesting things at random and then I shut everybody up
and said that the best way for this one would be to take the
central idea and set it down as an item in the middle and
then work the whole thing from the center outwards.

And I proposed an item right at the center which was "The only
thing that you can create is bodies." And I suggested that the
items leading up to it would be the setup which would make him
believe and agree with the central item once it came up. And
the items after it would reinforce it and lock it down.

And then I sat back and let the others work out the details,
feeling very pleased with myself for having had a brilliant
idea.

And of course I was stupid enough to think that I couldn't be
affected by an implant I'd helped design. And of course the
opposite is actually true and those of use who worked on that
thing are more affected that other people.

A Positive Indication -

I wrote the above and then went out into the parking structure
for a cigarette before sending it. I do that sometimes to see
if I have another thought to add. Much to my surprise, a pretty
girl came over and asked me for a light and we had a nice
conversation, very easy and relaxed (she is a college student
working part time as a bank teller in the bank downstairs).
There was nothing more to it than that, but I took it as an
indicator that my flows (especially the needy, must-havey ones)
shifted seriously on spotting the above.

I am seriously wondering if this is it, the key case button
that I needed to confront to get out of this mess.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++




To the Techfinder list,

10. ANSWERING ****

Sept 6, 2000 (later)

=======

Replying to ****'s message.

> Perhaps I should mention that when I first came on this
> list it was long before the identity of the Pilot was
> known. I was very glad to come on because it gave me an
> opportunity to align my work with the Pilots (I think I
> had already started Superscio-l and Selfclearing-l).

Yes, and because he knew my identity and other things long
before it became public, he can be considered trustworthy
for secret data.

**** then discussed working with John Mace and running
an incident with the addition of getting the resistance
and the postulate and that it made a big difference in
comparison with having run the same incident unsuccessfully
before.

The upgraded Ned dianetics techniques do include getting
the postulate and that is also mentioned on a 1963 reference
but was neglected in most dianetic techniques. It is
important and it should be done. Furthermore, the Ned
implementation is shallow.

Postulates to check for -

a) Postulates before the incident that lead to the incident.
b) Postulates at the start of the incident to prevent the
incident from happening.
c) Postulates, possibly lost from sight, made deep in the
incident.
d) Postulates after the end of the incident to keep it
from happening again.

As for resistance, I tend to spot that in the form of
spotting efforts and counter-efforts, and it never occured
to me to mention that. I just sort of picked it up from
reading material on effort processing.

I should work both these things into the self clearing
chapter on incident running, and I should also mention
my preferance for spotting a recent one and then the most
significant one and then the earliest one on a chain.


> So I'd say the Pilot needs running on (probably) when it
> really got home to him that Anne was leaving - or whatever
> the shock was. It may not be basic, and repetition can be
> used to get a more deep seated incident.

Unfortunately completely off the mark.

A minor incident that did not percipitate the current
trouble.

Further comments after quoting the following from later
in Antony's message.

> possibly totally impossible in face of a decision made
> when it really came home to you that you had lost all
> you dreamed and hoped for with Anne.

There was a lot dreamed and hoped for with Ann when we
first got together back in New York and lived together
for a few years in the late 1970s.

That was our best period and I feel that it was really
good for both of us (and I think that she would agree).
We both learned and matured as a result.

But there were outpoints and we split up and I moved to LA
in 1978. That was a mutual decision, and spread out over
a time period with Qs & As and much "chushioning" against
shock and we parted as good friends.

The trouble was that I never really found anyone else
during the following three years and was quite miserable.

She found somebody else in NY and it didn't last and then
she was alone again too and came out to LA.

And then we were drifting together and apart for awhile.
We have very similar tastes and we usually agree on things
and the sex between us was always fantastic, enough so to
be addicting.

But we were emotionally incompatible and tended to rub each
other's cases the wrong way.

Knowing that all was not well between us, we nonetheless
agreed that we lived better together than apart and could
count on each other. And she is a strong terminal of
comparable magnitude, and there aren't many of those
around. And we could talk for hours at a time with great
pleasure or enjoy watching the same movies or make love
endlessly and have a grand time together except for the
occasional terrible fights.

The first time in NY I did think that I was in love. The
second time in LA, I knew I wasn't but I couldn't bear to
be alone. We both knew that we were accepting a substitute
2D, but it was a good substitute from both our viewpoints
and we survived better together than apart. We had a lot
of good times.

Until that huge commonality of agreement between us went
to hell on orthodox vs freezone about five years ago when
I started writing super scio (over a year before I first
posted).

After that the relationship was held together with chewing
gum and not-isness.

But it kept the vacumes of emptyness and lonlyness off
of my lines. And we remained mutually supportive in all
other areas. Even when I objected strenuosly to what she
was doing with the cats, I continued to help her with them.
And even though she objected to my writings and objected
to what I was doing, she kept it secret from the orgs anyway
as a matter of personal loyalty, until, of course, the
point of betrayal.

We had previously agreed that if it should ever reach the
point where she felt that she had to tell the org, she
would warn me first and I would prepare myself for trouble.
That she didn't do that but acted without warning in a moment
of spite and upset was the actual betrayal.

I went along for months afterwards, unhappy to be alone
and hoping to find someone else eventually but not doing
too badly.

It looks like the OSA thing is what percipitated the real
2D madness.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot



++++++++++++++++++++++++

To the Techfinder list,

11. CO-CREATE ETC.

Sept 7, 2000

=======

CO-CREATE

Yesterday's stuff on intimate co-create gave me a bigger
perspective on the entire subject of co-create, and it is
an important one that has mostly been missed.

The only objective process we do on co-create is CCH 3
Hand Mimicry (follow my hands and contribute to their motion).
More work is needed here.

If you are contributing to a shared mockup, then you are
co-creating, otherwise you are copying.

There are degrees of co-creation, and there is relative
intimacy or distance.

At the home universe level, co-creation is synchronization
(partial and selective) between individual home universes etc.

Intimate co-creation includes acceptance of the other's
mockups even when undesired based on deep agreement and
caring.

The current universe is a big mind-fuck orgy with enforced
co-creation at the most intimate levels, a sort of spiritual
rape.

======

THE TRAPPERS TRAPPED

An idea that hit me while running that overt of implant
designing yesterday is that those of us who worked hardest
at implanting not only became the ones most affected but
are also the ones who are supposed to undo it, not because
others couldn't but because others are being nice enough
to let the villians make amends so that all will come out
of the trap in good condition.

It struck me that I have had a strong design talent up and
down the track regardless of what goal lines I was on or
what games I'm in, and that in the old days I would design
implants and now I'm designing ways out.

And it hit me that LRH's consistant talent is in being a
great promoter and that in the old days he promoted using
implants very heavily and so now is doing the opposite
(but backslid into wanting to control people).

Those of us who have the strongest urge to get out of the
trap are the ones that built it. Other people aren't so
desperate about it and are content to wait around for us
to begin taking it all apart.

======

Anon05's Sex and Death message -


> In any case, for the body sex and death are extremely
> close together.

Yes, I was writing about sex and suicide way back at the
beginning of the year.

> In short, handling a sex urge with sex is not providing
> a solution lasting longer than a few hours.

True if we are only talking about physical sex.

And this is why using a prostitute would be totally unworkable
and possibly make matters worse.

But your missing the whole picture. I'm being whipsawed
between bodily sex urges and heavy loss at a theta level
and the in between band of astral body and energy fields
etc. has its flows all screwed up beyond belief.

It has to be sex with intense ARC. That straightens out
the backlashing energies at the intermediate level which
is bridgeing spirit and body (I had a small quantity of
this in February, enough to see that it is a workable
solution but not enough for a real cure).

Any suggestion of reducing the sex urge brings the loss
into fantastically heavy restim. And handling the loss
without sex just about puts the body into convulsions.
I have gotten caught in a sort of deadly feedback between
spirit and body.

Just reading this almost launched me onto another rant,
but instead I thought up some processes over lunch (below).


======

Processes to help with Postulating


The keynote of making a postulate stick is lightness of
touch. You get nothing if you don't mock it up, but if
you mock it up heavy and keep Q&Aing with it and messing
around, it prevents manifestation. So the ideal is to
toss it out there lightly and let it alone with the
confidence that it will manifest eventually.

This is tough, to say the least, with an area of heavy
charge.

So I thought up the following -

a) Get the idea of being concerned about (sex).
b) Get the idea of not being concerned about (sex).

Alternately.

Also run on love, intimacy, etc.

The idea being to shut off the compulsive figure-figure
that derails postulates.

That lightness of touch business also brings up the
interesting idea that it is the proper answer to many
heavy questions.

Should the door be open or closed?

Answer - lightness of touch.

Another interesting point is that the door half opened
is the one that attracts the most traffic.

I'm feeling very Zen at the moment.

=======

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot



++++++++++++++++++++++++

To the Techfinder list,

12. THE BIG BASIC

Sept 12, 2000

=======


THE BIG BASIC


I was noticing how much case I've had kicking around this year
on the simple fact of no-sex. Just about the entire bank. It
made me think of Freud's libido theory, laying all the blame on
sex.

But of course it's not sex, since that is a late track bodily
alter-is. Instead it would be that merging / separating that
I found underlying sex on the early track.

And then I noticed how similar the ext/int drill of alternately
going in and out of a mountain is to the sex act. It struck
me as a first dynamic version of the same impulse.

And then I looked for a 3D equivallent and realized that it
was merging into and separating from a group mind, and everything
seemed to fall into place.

If you were totally free, you would not go off by yourself
forever and just play with your own mockups. That is not a
desirable state in the long run. It gets boring. We need each
other to ensure an adequate richness of creation.

At basic we separate from static. This is necessary to manifesting
creation instead of being an allness unmanifest and it is needed
to balance the nothingness.

But inherent in separation is the problem of being separated
and the limitations of creating from a limited frame rather
than a cross combination of all frames.

And so the original problem becomes how to rejoin each other
without at the same time losing all our separateness and
uniqueness and completely merging back into an allness that
is nothing.

The solutions consist of transient joinings and ways of crossing
the separations.

This means going in and out of each other's creations, of
each other's viewpoints, of each other's minds, etc.

The low key manifestation, with careful maintenance of distance,
is communication.

The high powered manifestation eliminates the distance and
is an interiorization in the broader sense that might include
permeation, temporary merging of viewpoints or identities,
etc.

There is nothing wrong with interiorizing. It is highly
desirable and necessary. The basic abberation is going in
and then being unable to get out again. And the next abberation
is, having once been trapped, one then is afraid to go in
again because one might get trapped again.

It is not just int/ext on Mest objects.

It is int/ext on relationships, on joining groups, on making
contracts and agreements etc.

Looking at this on the 3D, one sees the org as a major
dramatization where, having joined freely and for good reason,
one cannot then get out again easily.

Freedom on 3D would be situations where it is easy to get
jobs and easy to leave them. The computer field in the Western
world has this characteristic, and people do better living
that way. It is not hard to quit, it is not hard to go
somewhere else, it is not hard to stay somewhere for a long
time if you like it, and there is a great deal of productivity.

Contrast that with a feudal economy where people are serfs
who are attached to the land and total effect.

The SO's billion year contract raises up the question of
what is fair and illustrates the use of abusive "ethics"
to enforce agreements.

Getting into agreements, and then being unable to get out of
them again, and the resulting enforcement, inhibition, ARCXs,
overts, and so forth run from the first dynamic all the way
up to being stuck in a universe where reality is enforced
and you cannot disagree with Mest laws.

Looking at the raising of children, there is an inherent
problem in the child being trapped in a family unit that he
has no rights to exteriorize from. Hence we have teenage
rebellion, etc. The best we could do would be to give him
his right to leave as young as possible (perhaps 14) so that
he remains by choice rather than by force of law.

It is wrong to hold somebody by threats or force of law. The
right way is to offer good reasons for people to stay or to
agree. What the psychologists call using positive reinforcement
rather than negative reinforcement.

This feels like opening Pandora's box.

It blows all the stable datums.

The slave has a right to rebel. The prisoner has a right
to escape.

And so we find that the enforcement of any absolute gives
people the right to fight back. And yet we want people to
keep agreements once made rather than our having to continuously
keep an agreement attractive to them.

And things get bundled into packages. If the staff member
leaves the CofS, he gets declared and also loses his friends
and supposedly loses the tech and everything else.

And so we have freedom as the ability to get into and out of
things at will across the dynamics, and we have the enforcement
and inhibition of int and ext as the primary effort to control
others, and from that we pretty much have the basic on every out
rudiment on the case.

And out ruds in the early godlike OT period lead to the decay
which makes him subject to loss and eventually pain and the
the formation of all the heavier mechanisms in the bank.

So this may be true basic basic.

Except that it blows so much confusion into view that I can
hardly sort it out. The very concepts of ethics and responsibility
come into question.

And yet I lean towards a reasonable approach rather than an
absolute unraveling of the structure.

The solution to serfs, slaves, capitalistic exploitation,
work houses, blacklists, monopolies, or longterm ironclad
contracts is not a communism or a chaos where nothing is
produced, but is a lose free market economy with choices and
competition and protections and guaranteed freedoms and some
effort to tear down corporations that grow too big and
exploitative.

Lose contracts and flexible comittments.

Ron is wrong in saying that the barriers need only be well
known. It does not help to know that once you join the army
you will be shot if you ever disobey an order or try to leave.

The barriers need open doors, and the public must have a choice.

Freedom is having a choice.

A bit confused but quite pleased with myself,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++




To the Techfinder list,

13. DEMONS

Sept 13, 2000

=======

DEMONS

A few days ago I noticed that some of my abberations seem to
have shifted over to other people.

None of my case disappeared, but things in chronic restim went
out of restim. In other words, they remained there in potential,
but the real world stopped jambing restimulators down my throat.

No new case was added to the other people, but things that were
not in restim went into heavy restim, in duplication of things
that had been wrong with me.

I had great feelings of relief, but kept them kind of suppressed
because I didn't want to feel good when friends seemed to get
into trouble. In fact, I was quite worried because sometimes
I did feel good just when a close terminal started having
trouble and I felt that that was very nasty and unsympathetic
of me.

Of course it might just be copying or restim due to listening
to me rant about things. Except that only explains their keyin
and gives no reason why I might feel a bit better.

So I wondered if there might be some kind of entity on me that
jumped to another person who had the same potential case button.
And that seemed to indicate.

And these entities seemed stronger and harder to find than
the usual BTs etc.

And they seemed to be capable of bringing about real world
troubles, unlike the usual BTs who only seem to affect one's
think or the Control Entities (monitors) who only seem to be
able to shift probability slightly.

In other words, it seemed like there was some really big
powerful entitiy that could really make bad shit happen, and
that I had a number of those, and that they shifted over to
various other people as I accidentally got them unhooked from
me.

I decided to call these guys Demons since they seemed to trace
back to the magic universe.

They do not respond to Incident 1, because they were formed
prior to it.

I was able to spot an incident in the magic universe of
building these things by group postulation.

They were built by teams of wizards for use in enforcing
agreements. They are composites, containing merged fragements
of the wizards that created them.

This is how you enforce something like a billion year contract.

They do respond to spotting the moment when they were formed.
You can have them spot the purpose for which they were formed.
You can have them spot being tricked into trapping others.

I think that a whole batch of these were launched against me
last year.

One of them was bringing about hypnotic implanting. I think
that that one inspired OSA to move against me in Novemeber.
I think that later it shifted over to TF8 and brought about
the use of hypnotic implanting against her. But of course
I'm just speculating here.

Based on a phone conversation with Anon06, one of them shifted
over to him the other week, but he managed to blow it off.

There have been others.

If this is true rather than dub-in, then a magic universe
attack was launched against me last year and it in turn
brought about an OSA attack etc.

That business of LRH collecting souls brought up all these
wild thoughts of a magic universe game still in progress.
And then I totally forgot about that, despite having made
a few comments to this list. And had to look back at my
old messages to find out what I'd said when I suddenly had
this wild idea about demons.

I'm reminded of Smith's Lensman series where there are sources
behind sources which are launching the attacks.


Just a thought,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++




To the Techfinder list,

14. STATUS ETC.

Sept 15, 2000

=======


1. Current Status

Well I am doing a bit better.

I finally got back my driver's license (unrestricted), and I
only have one more day of community service, renovation work
ontinues on the house, and the 2D situation continues to improve.

I did finally have sex Wednesday night although it was far
from an optimum experience (in fact, one of the very few
poor ones I've had where there was nothing beyond the physical).
So it didn't act as any kind of a magic bullet and I don't
feel like I'm cured yet, but a certain amount of pain and
stuck flows are gone.

In fact, I would say that the real story is that a composite
of my adventures with three different girls during the last
month has added up to the equivallent of a single normal
sexual experience. In other words, each one has provided
about one third of a proper relationship.

It is like I've now drilled each of TR0, 1, and 2, and had
a different coach for each but I haven't actually had a
complete comm cycle with anybody yet.

But I do feel like I've drilled the proper components, so
its worth identifying them.

I'll refer to the girls by code letters rather than names. I
like all of them and they are all ones that I can talk to,
dance with, grab a meal with, or drive around with and in all
cases I've been quite open, gotten off any withholds (like
having my driver's license suspended etc.) and built up some
ARC over the course of a month or two.

VK is highly affectionate and sympathetic. We have slept
together but not had sex. She has vaginal infections (two
different ones, what cures one makes the other worse and
she has been getting whipsawed between them for months) and
lots of stops and considerations on sex. Sleeping with her
actually blew so many stops for me that it cured my hearing
problems (which were due to putting up too many ridges against
Ann's nattering and make wrongs) but made other stuck flows
worse (the pain in my balls the next day was terrible). Note
that she tries to avoid turning me on too much.

HM is highly exciting and erotic. Every time we get near
each other we start turning each other on. Our dancing is
X rated. But she is a tease and her standard policy for
surviving is to never sleep with anybody but her roomate,
who is not a real 2D and whom she does not hang out with.
Instead she will find somebody like me, get very turned on,
and then use the roommate.

MM sleeps around a lot and only uses me as a substitute when
she can't get around the guys she really wants. The low
interest and ARC is why it was a very poor quality experience
when she let me have sex with her. And she is nice looking,
so that ordinary body oriented guys would be excited, but I
found it lacking in both excitment and affection. It is one
of the few times where nothing whatsoever activated in the
chakras or astral body during sex. Even so, I'm gratefull
and it was a big relief.

So these are the three components, affection, excitement,
and the sex itself. Without the other two, the sex is lousy,
but the other two without actually having sex lead to
pain and frustration.

Although one might consider HM and MM to be a bit abberated,
it is VK, who is the sweetest one (but has the most considerations
about being ethical sexually), who is actually suffering physically.
She has the very common pattern of having been in a long
term 2D (about 8 years) and then broken up and then not slept
with anybody else for about six months or so, and then gotten
some sort of physical difficulty in the vaginal area. The
other two are quite healthy and fairly happy. This is one of
the many indications that the Marcabian morality on sex is
full of false data and wrong whys. People who try to be ethical
by those standards often end up sick and miserable, it is a
suppressive moral code.

As for me, at least I've had some adventures and my doingness
and havingness are a bit higher so I've some hope of getting
a real 2D in the future.

=======

2. MORE ON DEMONS

Another thing I was playing around with in dealing with these
was to reverse what they were doing.

After having them spot the purpose they were formed for and
how they were tricked, then have them get the idea of doing
the opposite to get even, and enjoying the game of doing that.

To some degree they live on the asthethics of the suffering
they cause, so you can have them spot that and then have them
mockup the asthestics of doing the opposite.

In other words, if they get a kick out of making somebody
miserable, have them spot the asthetics of making such a
person suddenly happy.

The idea is to get them doing helpful things rather than just
dissolving them.

This is all experimental and might even just be dub-in.

However, I would point out that I did finally get layed right
after trying a demon reversal like that. It might just have
been a co-incidence. And of course it wasn't the great experience
that I would have mocked up if I could. In fact, it does seem
quite like it might have been a reformed demon's idea of what
might make me happy rather than my usual sort of mockup. But
it was still a significant change for the better.

========

3. A GRADE ON THE ASSERT BUTTON

From a lunchtime discussion.

The Asserted button is worthy of having a grade built around
it.

Although it is similar to protest, it is a bit different.

It underlies the later appearance of "Enforced" in things like
the CDEI scale etc. and therefor might be a significant undercut
on ARC breaks.

The being asserts things very early in the pattern of abberation,
prior to real ARC breaks etc.


Enough for now,

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++




To the Techfinder list,

15. RESEARCH, IMPORTANT

Sept 26, 2000

=======


LAST WEEK'S LOSS

I caught a bad cold last week. It lingered, so my assumption
was that it was due to loss in restimulation.

I finally took a close look at what the loss was last night
and it cooled down.

The loss was the loss of Scn.

And what made the loss really hit was that I had, inch by inch,
finally succeeded in getting into some slight bit of operation
on the 2D. **** mentioned working up through the conditions
and that is right, I'm finally above non-existance and one can
expect that things will gradually get better in the area.

And that seemed to be where the loss lay. No miraculous leaps
forward. No sudden appearance of a 2D partner to help.

The tech quieted the charge down enough so that I could come
upscale to the humanoid level, applying normal wog handlings
to getting myself in shape to the point of having some wog
girlfriends who are kind of nice and interesting.

And I don't mean to put down wogs or use it as a derogatory
term. In fact, it is primarily wog type stuff that is saving
me right now. I'm just using it as a convienient lable for the
non-Scio type things.

But it made me feel like there were two paths, an enlightened
one and a humanoid one, and that I'd found that its the humanoid
one that works. All the other does is to help you be a better
human.

And so it was a loss of the higher goals.

This turned on enough charge so that I didn't talk about it
last week when I was sick, and I really didn't look at it
until last night after I'd already found another answer of
comparable magnitude (discussed later).

It really was that same loss that I'd had at the end of
December when I decided that processing was hopeless. Of course
I'm no longer so charged up and this time it did not push me
into the suicidal band, but it is still a serious decision.

Note that although I've probably had over a thousand hours
of processing this year, the total amount of charge run out
and the amount of big cogs are not as great as what I ran
solo back in Decemeber.

During that December attempt, I probably only ran about one
or two hundred hours or so, but I was still running at high speed
despite the big key-in. Five minutes in session then generally
got me as much as five hours of processing does now. I can
see now that the tremendous slowdown in my ability to process
was probably due to the simple fact of having given up.

The one big gain this year was running the OSA SDH implant, and
it was really just getting the specific item of "everything keys
back in again" that made the difference in being able to stay
keyed out instead of having the remaining bank key in within
an hour of running something.

But the net result of all these thousands of hours of processing
was that I was still without a real 2D.

And the only comm line that really helped me out was ****
who introduced me to the dance clubs. Aside from that, I just
get emails etc. from guys (I have too many male terminals already)
who want to blabber about tech, usually concerning how to errase
my strange urge (maybe by an FPRD as somebody suggested on ACT
recently) and all that does is ARC break me.

And that is what is wrong with Scn. Instead of making me more
able, the push is to run out anything that I might actually want
to do (exception - **** did help me get more able by hatting me
up and introducing me around at the dance club).

And, present company excepted, I haven't found much in the
way of ARC either in the Freezone or in modern Scn. (there was
lots of ARC in the NY org prior to standard tech. - there hasn't
been much since).

In a high ARC atmosphere, 2Ds occur easily.

So I was quite depressed about where the hell we were going and
how would we find a way out. I am very much affected by the 2D
and if I settle in with a very woggy 2D, you can pretty much
forget about my doing much further research. And it might be
a decade or two before another brilliant researcher shows up
(the brilliant ones are rare, and I do think I'm one of them,
the bulk of the tech finders don't make the huge intuitive leaps
successfully although they do good and valuable work).

But then I found a third alternative over the weekend.

------

SCIENCE OF MIND


Last Sunday I went to a SofM service with VK. This was the
second time. And this time I also bought the basic SofM
textbook which is by Holmes and was written in the 1930s.

I'd had some exposure to SofM back in my teens, but we were
only getting their journal rather than being serious members.

I tried a little bit of SofM tech idly while I was at the
service on Sunday.

I considered myself as god. I considered the other people
around me as god. I concieved of being the higher god-mind
which is each of us individually but is still just one (an
unchanging unity which could be considered to be a static).
And from that viewpoint I considered that the god-mind should
have the idea that everyone around me would feel that I was
attractive to girls (not just that girls should be attracted
to me, but that everyone should feel that I was attractive to
girls).

The end product of this was that there were lots of beautiful
girls falling all over me after the meeting. I even got hugged
and kissed and I gave out a number of my business cards with
the fza.org website and self clearing download written on the
back.

And the ARC levels in that group matched those of old style
Scn before the standard tech perversion and the SO.


-----

THE GREAT EXPERIMENT

Based on the above, I am abandoning the Scn frame of reference
temporarily and embraceing the SofM one instead.

This is an experiment.

To test out anything where the observer interacts with the
experiment, you need to temporarily take a viewpoint as an
absolute just to see what happens.

The test is to see if this will manifest a real 2D partner.

If it works, then the next step will be to create a hybrid
of the two technologies.

At this point, I suspect that the broad philosopical concept
of Scn is incorrect and that SofM is much closer to the truth.
Note that many of the ideas are the same between the two.
In fact, there are so many SofM basics in Scn that I suspect
that it is one of the sources that influenced LRH in the
early days.

What SofM lacks is a way of handling negatives or of producing
negative gain. What they do have is a system of making postulates
stick that is probably superior to anything we have in Scn.
The SofM folks seem to have wins and success stories that
match or exceed the things which appear in Advance Mag.

The current result is probably that when somebody who wants
to make others wrong or take vengance or whatever begins to
us the SofM tech, they spin and all sorts of bad stuff happens,
hence SofM is not workable by itself.

Most normal people cannot use positive visualization techniques
successfully without running off charge on the negative band.
Thus SofM has never had any great following.

My thought now is that the normal OT collapse within Scn is
simply due to our making a momentary keyed out OT by blowing
negatives (which we do well) who then has a totally incorrect
positive context and therefore flubs and spins himself right
back in.

In other words, we have two half subjects, each of which spins
people on the other missing half.


--------

A GRADE ON VENGANCE

Just so I don't forget, there needs to be a grade on the
subject of vengance.

Processes include alternately getting the idea of or mocking
up vengance alternated with forgiveness.

Also things like mockup a way to waste vengance and mockup
a way to have more vengance.

Also spotting differences between you and a vengefull person.


-------

FRAGMENTS

It is becoming obvious to me that the fragmentation mechanism
is a via for non-confront.

You can setup automaticities to do things without losing control
or consiousness. Examples are driving and breathing.

When you spinoff a fragment out of your consciousness or
control, it is to avoid confronting or being directly responsible
for something.

You can blow these fragments with point to etc., but if the
targeted purpose remains unconfronted, you'll just unconsiously
create more fragments to continue doing it.

Instead you permeate and regain control of the non-confronted
area and the fragment dissolves naturally.

This is not to say that you shouldn't handle fragments. It is
useful to run these (probably more so than handling BTs), but
don't emphasize it too much.


--------

BASIC PROCESS

The basic and ultimate creation process is to alternately mockup
a pair of opposites until any charge or ridge blows. Then you
can create what you want.

This is often out gradient, and most commonly fails because one
has so much tied into something.

Theoretically you could blow grade 4 by alternately mocking up
being right and wrong, but most people will need to run the
normal grade 4 processes first before that would bite.

However, running grade 4 without finishing it up by doing the
alternate right/wrong mockup is actually missing the biggest
gain. Sometimes the pc will get it anyway because he can be
right or wrong once the service fac is off. But often he doesn't
quite make it, as is evidenced by the many grade 4 releases who
still have heavy buttons in the area.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++




To the Techfinder list,

16. INSIDE INFO

Oct 3, 2000

=======


A couple that I knew in the old days recently got declared SP by
the orgs and passed on some info to me.

The declare was due to getting into a firefight with the orgs
over the Golden stuff.

Redoing class 4 training costs about 20 grand.

The Golden extras (in addition to the regular stuff on each
checksheet) consist of a long memorization section and a
scripted set of drills (with verbatim actions/responses) and
a set of tech questions which must be answered verbatim.

The opinion of these two old class 4s who just bailed are that
about 25 percent of the literal scripts are incorrect and
those scripts are being used as tech references rather than
studying LRH.

They said that AOLA is almost dead, no flow except for forcing
Golden retreads and canabilizing the existing public.

People whom they thought were good tech terminals have been
pushed off tech posts. For example, Peter Specker is now on
admin lines and Randall Reiss has been made a tech page. They
say that most of the remaining tech staff are teenage newbies
and that the few exceptions such as Rosaline Reiss (formerly
Rosaline Mustard) have turned black and literal minded. They
said that the only good tech person left at AO was the solo CS
and that there is only one person on that post now (there used
to be 3 back around 1980).

When they got declared, a lot of old friends (Harold Lieberz for
example) cut comm.

Their son, who is on staff, was forced (against his will but
on threat of being declared) to disconnect from them.

Many others are still talking to them, but covertly. The standard
behavior is for people to be afraid and make them promise to keep
secret the fact that they are still in comm. These fringe folk
are afraid of losing friends, family, and business connections.
There is nobody who will openly remain in comm with them.

Their opinion is that the orgs can't last much longer.

DM and others at the top need the org's protection against legal
and other troubles. If the CofS gets drained to the point of
endangering the protective war chest, then DM and the others must
flee with the bucks and set themselves up in Brazil or something
while the funds are still there to be ripped off.

My gut feeling is that it will happen within a year. But I'm
not all that good at predicting when.

When the shit does hit the fan, it will be crucial for the tech
to become public domain rather than being bought up at some
bankruptcy sale by somebody who wants to exploit or suppress it.

==========

After hearing from the folks above (Saturday night), I gradually
started thinking again about posting something and what to do
about CofS etc.

But the more I tried, the more charge it bypassed on the 2D,
stirring up feelings of being alone and abandoned by those
damn fearful people hiding on the sidelines until I was sitting
up in the middle of the night with the 2D charge as bad as it
has ever been and pushing me right into the suicidal impulses
again.

And I'd been kind of better this month although I'm living on
table scraps so to speak, and I just don't want to be back in
that over charged suicidal place again.

So I backed off, and just recognized that I'm in a total ARC
Break with the Scn. field and decided again just to learn to
be a better human and drop all this shit. And felt much better
for doing that.

So I'm effectively checkmated as far as doing anything with
CofS right now. The charge just swirls up and overwhelms me.

==========

As to the SofM experiment, I'm only a quarter of the way through
Holme's SofM book (I used to read something like that in a weekend
with full comprehension, but now my concentration is poor) so I
haven't given it a fair test yet.

However, I have not been able to recreate that one shot moment
(about an hour actually) when I seemed to be super attractive
to girls a bit over a week ago.

That oneshot does tell me that this is something that could be
processed if we knew what the hell we were doing. But it seems
just as unattainable by current tech as lifting the ashtray.

==========

There should be a grade or at least some kind of drills on
putting up and taking down filters. Filtering out things is
not inherently bad, we put filters on cameras sometimes for
example. But it should be causative and under conscious control
instead of a reactive non-confront.

=========

Something interesting that I came up with during a lunch time
discussion -

You can't apply deductive logic to something that can change
its mind arbitrarily.

=========

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot



++++++++++++++++++++++++


To the Techfinder list,

17. Scn.at domain etc.

Oct 6, 2000

=======


RE THE SCIENTOLOGY.AT DOMAIN NAME


I think that Anon01 has run into the same vacume that I have
as far as there appearing to be no support. And so one's first
thought is the hell with it, why bother with fearful lurkers.

But I do think that it's important and that the scientology.at
domain name is worth saving if possible.

The recent bailouts that I mentioned last time did tell me that
what I and others are doing on the net is important and lets
people know that they are not alone even though all those people
are too afraid to speak up themselves. And so we may be building
a potential for the future.

And the Scn research line and the original premise of 1952-4 is
important even though the subject later began to shoot at
researchers. It is the unifying factor that keeps us moving
forward rather than each new splinter settling down in a
position of supposedly having all the answers (a la UCP).

Maybe it is out of place for me to push for keeping scn.at
alive. I myself am loaded with so much BPC on lack of support
that I can hardly talk. But from an exterior view, it does
look like something worth saving.

Can we all work at talking some people into opening email
accounts in that domain?

========

MIRACULOUS LEVITATION DRILL SIDE EFFECT


See the body lifting drills in the PDC tapes.

One puts a beam on a finger for example and works at moving
it from an exterior position.

Whenever I did this, I both put on a beam and permeated the
body part with energy.

The normal muscels can hold the body part (finger etc.) in
an idle uninfluenced state that is easy to move around.
Basically, you are not really lifting the body part but only
guiding it and pulling at it a bit.

Whenever I did this, I noticed that the body part would feel
good and somatics would lessen.

A few days ago, I did this for about an hour (while watching
TV) on my left hand and arm only and not on the right side.

The next day my left hand was noticably lighter, better feeling,
and even seemed to look younger and less wrinkled than the
right one. So much so that both my sister and my friend
Tym at work could see a major difference when asked to look
at both hands and comment (without any other prompting).

This is worth further investigation.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot



++++++++++++++++++++++++


To the Techfinder list,

18. Processing Notes

Oct 10, 2000

=======


VACUME EFFECTS


I noticed yet again that there is a tendency for females to
disappear physically from areas I'm in.

Many months ago, when I started the drunk driving class (thankfully
finished now), there were a good percentage of nice looking girls
in the class, but by the third time I went, they had all disappeared
(due to a new afternoon session being added, which most of the
girls transferred to).

When I did community service, after a few sessions there were
no more girls until my very last day, and then a whole bunch
suddenly appeared, including one who I already knew (!).

These kind of things happened often and did seem strange but maybe
were just co-incidences.

I started taking dancing lessons recently. The first class was
fine. But on the second class, there were 12 guys and only 3
girls. That was last Wednesday.

So I decided to face the fact that I had a tendency to bring
about an actual absense of females by supposedly random chance.
Maybe something that altered the probabilities and caused them
to bounce.

And so I decided to run "spot someplace where females are not".

I noticed immediately that instead of just getting an absense,
I would get a vacume that would sort of suck females into a
black hole or cause them to avoid the area to keep from being
sucked in. In other words, if I spotted that there were no
girls on the roof, I wouldn't just percieve an empty roof but
I would percieve a vacume that would suck girls in and make
them disappear.

So I started causatively mocking up these vacumes, especially
in crowded places. This blew charge. Eventually I started
line charging at the idea that if I kept running it, LA would
soon be devoid of females.

Then I shifted over to alternately mocking up a vacume that would
cause females to leave the area and a true attractor that would
cause them to congregate in an area.

And then I got back to the simple process of spot places
where they are not and got to the point where the vacumes
were no longer appearing on some automatic basis.

This left me feeling quite good.

======

POSITIVE POSTULATION

With the above under my belt, I thought that I could make
some positive postulate and make it stick.

Also, I realized that I'd been very backed off in making any
strong postulates because I'd been getting negatives all year.
When I mocked up trying to get out and meet people, I ended
up with the miserable DUI. When I mocked up getting a wonderful
pullin of maybe a phone call or email from a potential 2D out
of the blue, I'd gotten the miserable mess with TF8 instead.

So I'd come to feel that all my strong positive postulates
were bringing in horrible negatives instead and therefore I
had cut down the power of my mockups.

But all those bad effects happened before I'd run the OSA SDH
thing and it seemed like I was much better now and I'd never
made a really strong positive postulate since then.

So I decided that it was time to really push on a theta level
and see what happened.

So, last Firday night and Saturday morning, I started really
putting out a strong intention that some great 2D would just
connect with me by good luck. And without placing any limits
on it, and knowing that it might happen earlier or later (so
as not to invalidate), I pushed the bulk of the energy into a
future point which was around 3-4 PM on last Saturday.

And I had a really good feeling about it too. And I expected
that somebody might not really show up until Sunday or Monday
because the time factor is the most difficult to pin down. So
I was not setup to feel bad if Saturday went by with no contact.

And when that time period hit, I wasn't even paying much
attention to the 2D, just feeling pretty good and confident.

Until I was almost leveled by instense instestinal cramps.
Right around 4PM on Saturday. And I do mean agonizing, roll
around on the floor and scream level of pain.

I was sick for days, running a feaver etc. Probably an
intestinal virus, some sort of flu. Except that the coincidence
was too much.

======

SAMURAI SERVICE-FAC

Evenually I ran the incident that the intestinal cramps were
coming from.

I thought that I'd pretty much flattened sex related suicides,
but I found yet another, back around 700 AD.

This was a sort of flow 3 (at least in its beginnings). My
comrad, a really close friend and sort of blood brother, was
in love with one of the Emporer's daughters (or maybe one of
his concubines?) and I'd covered for them as they escaped the
palace. The Emporer spared my life because of my previous
good service, but declared that no female should sleep with
me thereafter. And even the serving girls and prostitutes
were too fearful of an Emporer's curse to violate the rule
in what was normally an easy society for a warrior to get laid.

After a year of this, I asked him to lift the curse and he
declined, and so, as was the custom, I announced that I would
have to commit suicide, expecting that he would relent to
save face.

Instead the bastard made a regular state fair out of the event.

And the intestinal somatics (the Samurai suicide cut) became
a service fac, used to make the Emporer wrong and the fearful
females wrong, etc.

Suicide was the one way you could make an Emporer wrong in
that society.

We don't have anywhere near an adequate handling of Service
Facs.

=======

POSTULATING A ROAD OUT

The above left me feeling like I was really in a hopeless trap.
I figured that if the above incident had already been run out
and I'd made that positive postulate, then I'd simply have gotten
another of the the endless incidents that were laying in wait on
the track.

Instead of caving in again, I decided that there must be some
road through this morass and mocked up a visualization of a
golden road that would lead me out regardless of my case or
the stops in the way.

And I did this without and qualification or specific mockup,
but simply let the road be as it had to be.

And I noticed right away that the road which appeared curved
this way and that and zigzagged around through the hills. Note
that I hadn't mocked it up that way but simply postulated that
the road that was necessary would appear.

This gave me a big cog.

Going A to B or proceeding in a direct manner towards a target
is a luxury that only works in level terrain. It is the correct
path if you are building a railroad across the plains, but it
will not work when you are trying to cross the mountains.

In the mountains the straight line approach takes you right into
the roughest terrain and up impossible slopes, leaving you to
freeze on the snow covered peaks.

Instead you must go around, and that means that you must occasionally
move in a backwards direction, searching for better paths.

The way out is the way around.

Find the mountain passes, don't try to cross the peaks.

=======


LATEST EXPERIMENT

My previous experiment was SofM, and actually I'm still doing
that a bit (I haven't finished Holmes book yet). As a side note,
I went to the SofM church service nearby on Sunday and the topic
of the sermon was "Form follows Function" (a favorite topic of
LRH's), so there is rich material to be found in that subject.
But my recent try at positive postulation left me feeling that
another path is needed, at least for now.

So I imagined taking a first step on that mocked up golden road
and waited to see what indicated and felt right.

And then that move "The Sixth Sense" with the kid who talked
to dead people came on TV and I just knew that I should seek
help from spirits between lives.

It is possible to intervene and bring about something in the
real world contrary to a person's own case or pull-ins. I've
gotten people jobs who could work but had case stops in the
way of getting a job. I've taught people things without worrying
about the case reasons for their not learning. Not by putting
somebody's ethics in etc. but by giving them opportunity or
information or both. You can feed a starving person without
asking why they pulled it in. If it is an acute rather than
a chronic condition, then their life will change for the better.

And I have felt friendly influences out there. Spirits who I've
run things on or given data to or who want to see me succeed or
who simply just like me. So I asked.

We'll see what happens.

=======

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot



++++++++++++++++++++++++




To the Techfinder list,

19. Proposing a new member, etc.

Oct 17, 2000

=======

NEW MEMBER

- snip -


=========

MORE ON GOALS


I was yet again fooling around with goals and the following
higher level organizing pattern came out -

I seemed to see our usual three way division (which shows up
in be/do/have and mind/body/product etc.) as applying to
three different states of mind, each with their own goals
series, that I tend to adopt. It is like three different
frames of reference that I can slide between causatively.

First, considering the 2D, I thought of a mental / emotional /
physical triangle, with theta or spirit above it.

It seemed that on the mental line, I have the goal "to be
intelligent" which seems to be in the goals series for this
universe. Right now this goal is spinning on the fact that
I can't seem to figure a way out of the trap I'm in.

On the physical level, I seem to be running on some hedonistic
goal that is from a goals series that underlies the magic
universe. I'm sure that one is there, but I haven't been
able to successfully identify it. It is not something obvious
like having sexual pleasure, but it is somewhere in that ballpark
and probably will be totally obvious once I have enough charge
off. I keep clipping the edge of it and never quite getting
it. And of course this is the physical sex one that is totally
bolloxed right now.

And in between is some damn emotional type thing, which is
the really overwhelming one because I haven't gotten anywhere
near it until now. I think it is really something related to
setting people free, but it is in some crossover position where
I'm sliding into opterms related to abandonment and betrayal.
This damn thing triggered big time with my ex-wife Ann's
turning me into the org. But it spreads out to embrace not
only CofS but freezone and even the society at large. I tend
to see everyone as leaving me alone and abandoned to be shot at
even though that is obviously illogical.

I tried to get what was at the next layer above these three.
What the spirit is really doing so to speak.

All I got was an impression of having entered some horrible
trap looking for somebody. And from that derives the urge
to be intelligent enought to figure it out and the urge to
set everyone free so that whomever it is I am looking for will
get out, and to interconnect physically so as to reach somebody.

That last one was very strange and is untrustworthy (but might
be right) because when I hit it, I slid into a strange sort of
spiritual apathy, which actually felt sort of good, but left
me not really caring about anything. It was similar to the
mood I experienced on causatively deciding that I didn't care
if I survived or not (in Super Scio) and again, the only thing
that pulled me back here was my love of music.

So the higher one I spotted might (or might not) be wrong, but
the lower 3 way fractile set of goals really felt right.

My assumption is that since one goal was from this universe's
series and one seems to be from the magic universe, then the
third one must be from the next universe above magic, and
that sort of feels right, something to do with freedom in
response to the heavy conflicts and imposition of bodies etc.
that occured at that point in the sequence of universes.
It would be the one that I call the Conflicts universe in the
Cosmic history in super scio.

But I'm just guessing here. I just wanted to get this written
down before I forget it.


Best,

Ken, aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++


- snip -

========

CONTINUING ON GOALS -

One thing I forgot to mention, which might be meaningless -

Right after getting into that strange apathy I mentioned, a
funny little pimple appeared under my left eye (that was
Sunday).

I just looked in a mirror and the damn thing has swelled
up enourmously (half an inch long). Might just be a bug
bite. And these kind of things always clear up very fast
for me (probably gone in a day or two).

So it's probably nothing. But might be a symptom, either
of an out list or of simply clipping the edge of something
that has really heavy charge on it.

Just thought I'd make a note to go with the earlier message.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

To the Techfinder list,

21. HELATROBUS UPDATE

Oct 18, 2000

=======


I was trying to get some more on that hedonistic magic universe
goals series. The best I could do was to spot some sort of
opterm like "those who think sex is degrading" or something like
that, and from there it seemed like I was sliding into Helatrobus
style items instead.

So I looked at the Helatrobus writeup that I put in Super Scio
and one of the gaps in the goals series had a whole pile of
sexually related stuff and goals in this area. So I listed
for the goals and filled in the missing spot.

The Helatrobus goals series in Super Scio has goal 107 To Be
Frustrated and goal 109 To Be Disinterested and question marks
in between. So here are the goals filling the gap. I'll
write them here in the (goal) NIX (goal) form which I used
for listing and which best shows the linkage from goal to goal.

107. To Be Frustrated To NIX Being Degrading
108A. To Be Degrading To NIX Being Exploited
108B. To Be Exploited To NIX Being Abandoned
108C. To Be Abandoned To NIX Being Emotional
108D. To Be Emotional To NIX Being Uncaring
108E. To Be Uncaring To NIX Being Aroused
108F. To Be Aroused To NIX Being Disinterested
109. To Be Disinterested ... etc.

Of course each of the six goals I inserted has a few hundred
detail items under it, but I ran the detail platen on so many
goals (fifty or a hundred) that it mostly just blows now on
spotting the goal.

Maybe this will get enough out of the way so that I can
spot the magic universe series which would probably be an
actual GPM instead of an implant like Helatrobus.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


- snip -

========

THE HELPFUL BEING EXPERIMENT

I mentioned on Oct 10 that the next thing I was going to
try was to try and get some helpful person who was currently
dead to try and give me some aid.

I had not wanted to go into details at that time (for fear
of upsetting the experiment), but I fact I had already
contacted someone.

This seemed like somebody who just happened to be between
bodies at the time and who liked what I was doing and was
willing to help and who might do so by going around and
trying to get me hooked up to some sort of 2D.

Surprisingly enough, there were immediate results in the
form of a number of emails coming in over the next few days.

One of these was from a girl, Patti, whom I'd emailed many
weeks before through yahoo's personals service, just a divorced
SWF here in the valley who was looking to start dating again
(and who smoked, so that was one potential turnoff out of
the way). Suddenly, out of the blue, she emailed me on
the next morning (Monday) right after I talked to the helpful
spirit, and eventually we had a date setup (for last Thursday).

Meanwhile, I started getting emails from a number of
female freezoners, one of which turned into a significant
technical discussion of the penalty universes (I'll get
you guys a copy of that, she has already given me permission
to repeat it) although the others strangely faded out. I
don't know if any of these had any 2D potential at all and
I don't know if they were all pushed by the helpful spirit,
but the coincidence is too much. And it stopped happening
when the next event occured.

When the time for the date (last Thursday) came around,
Patti got cold feet and blew me off (without meeting me, so
it wasn't appearance or anything) and told me that she'd
decided that it was too soon after her divorce to start
dating. Also at this point the sudden burst of emails
stopped.

So I looked around for the helpful spirit and "she" showed
up and seemed like she had been torn to shreds by something.

Subsequently, I've worked at recovering her and fixing her
up and at handling whatever it was (I get an impression of
a big malicous being) that had smashed her, and actually
I feel pretty good about both those cycles, but unfortunately
it all seems unreal and like it might be dub-in.

But what does seem true by observable fact is that somebody
helped briefly and got smashed for their effort and that
all this happened in the non-physical realm.

So maybe there is a war in heaven, so to speak, and there
are full beings (real people, just between bodies) involved
in this thing and that it can have some effect here.

The odd flash I got was of a war between proponents of love
and proponents of hatred, and that a big win on the hatred
side is that when a super-being promoting love managed to
sway the population (by which I mean Christ), they got his
word perverted to the point where a strong love factor (sex)
got labled as "evil" so that it would promote hatred instead.

But my perceptions are weak and it still all seems like
dub-in in this area.

Another odd thing is that I was talking to ***** briefly and
he picked up that I was protecting something about this. But
I never did pick up what I was protecting. In retrospect,
there was a gut feeling that I had to protect this helpful
being against something but I didn't know what. I guess that
it was a gut feeling that something would move against them.
There is a whole other world on this topic and I don't really
have the anatomy yet.


========

NEXT EXPERIMENT

Now I'm fooling around with some Chakra drills.

An old drill uses the crown chakra above the head to flow
energy which might bring good things to one.

My sister reminded me that she had sent me a writeup (really
found by my other non-scientologist sister) from some old source
about activating the chakras and flowing energy in a circle
from the crown (over the head chakra) down the front and up the
back and also flowing energy from the crown down to the left and
up on the right while doing visualtizations to pull in something.

The original writeup had been on pulling in money by using a
golden flow of energy in this manner and she had sent it to me
earlier this year. Other members of my family had used this
to pull in a few bucks here and there.

So I tried it just for the hell of it. The writeup also had
a shabby drill for relaxing with breathing and then activating
the chakras. Instead I subsituted my own techniques (see the
writeup on chakras in the last chapter of Super Scio) although
I did not try to push a heavy Kundalini style flow from chakra
to chakra because that would turn on somatics.

Also, instead of doing each flow (front/back and then left/right)
individually, I did both simultaneously as a continuous flow.
Actually the energy flows almost looked like that device in
Carl Sagan's Contact movie, with circles of energy rotating
around me in multiple dimensions.

When I tried it early this year, I only did this for about five
minutes and then dropped it and forgot about it.

My sister reminded me of it last week and then I remembered
that I'd done this damn money chakra flow just before I pulled
in the big raise (10 thousand per year) where I worked. I hadn't
even noticed the cause and effect relationship because I'm so
spun on 2D that I didn't even care or pay attention to trivial
things like money. But there was a correspondence.

So my latest experiment is to try using this (with pink instead
of golden flows) to pull in a 2D. We'll see if anything happens.

=========

NOTICING CHANGE

As I've mentioned before, nothing seems to change in this area
and as far as I'm concerned I have no case gain. This is despite
the obvious fact that everything is night and day since I ran
that OSA SDH implant, and furthermore I even got laid once
last month (but with low ARC etc. so that it is meaningless)
and that turned off the physical agony for about two weeks (yes
the agony has come back since then, but it really was gone for
a short while). But the basic absence of any kind of a real 2D
terminal (meaning somebody who actually likes me and sleeps with
me regularly) invalidates everything and leaves me with the
feeling of no gains.

However, an exception has occured, which is the piano. I finally
got a tuner/technician and he just finished replacing the entire
bass with new strings last Friday (there was a three week comm lag
while he had a new set of strings made).

And this one change (piano sounding good instead of terrible)
is actually real to me as something which has improved.

I can't even guess why this one is visible while all others
are invalidated, but it is and I am noteing it for that reason.
It might be because the piano for me is feeding on dynamics above
the normal 8 (I think that asthetics is 10th dynamic).

Enough for now.

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot

++++++++++++++++++++++++




To the Techfinder list,

23. Various

Oct 20, 2000

=======

- snip -

=======

SCIENCE FICTION

Anon09 asked me what was appropriate for putting on the list vs
private email and my answer is anything that is of general
interest so that it goes in the archives rather than being
forgotten.

Anyway, we were having a discussion of Sci-Fi in our last
email (we were discussing John Dalmas whose publishing partner
used to live in my building when I was at 1570 N. Edgemont)
and Anon09 asked the following -

> If you know of any other (available) fiction that better
> incorporates "the tech" I'd be delighted to hear of it.
> Love that stuff.

(warning - my spelling of names is bad)

Since its a favorite area of mine and it might raise my havingness,
I decided to reply at length and I don't think that Anon09 will
mind if I respond to the group instead of privately.

A.E. Van Vogt is one of the early greates. The Null-A novels
(from the 1940s) seem like they are Scn based and really they
are based on general semantics, but they sure sound like Scn.
You will also find a great desription of exteriorizing from
the Mest universe (and talks about havingness etc.) in his
novel "The Silkie" which is from about 1960. But his only true
Scn novel is the Universe Maker or something like that from
around 1953. There is also "Battle of Forever" from the
1960s where a system of indicating things causes changes
in the physical world. Van Vogt eventually became president
of CADA (California Associate of Dianetic Auditors).

Another one heavily influenced by Scn was Mark Clifton.
His novel "They'd rather be right" is about service facs
and running out engrams by means of a high-tech machine.
He also wrote some great shorts about the government investigating
psychic abilites "Sense from thought divide" etc. and a novel
about super PR space aliens "When they come from space" that
I recommend.

But the all time winner on Scn ideas before Scn is Eric
Frank Russel, including "Dreadful Santuary" about Earth the
prison planet and "Sinister Barrier" about entities making
people kill themselves if they discover them. Another good
one is "Mindwipe" about false track implanting. Note that
Russel comitted suicide around 1960.

A favorite of mine is Zelazny. "Lord of Light" is an electronic
Buddism with reincarnation etc. implemented mechanically, and
the Amber series has intersting ideas on shifting realities etc.

Darseny's "The Karma Machine" has ideas like implanting between
lives spirits with cravings for advertiser's products, and also
includes infesting them with "spiroettes" (BTs).

Vance did a great one on BTs called Nopalgarth.

For deep insight, try Colin Wilson. "The Mind Parasites" is
another BT type novel. He also writes new age non-fiction.

An interesting one on training OTs from the days before he
was writing cheep mysteries is John McDonald's "Ballroom of the
Skies". It's too bad that he abandoned Sci-Fi.

Crichton's great one is "Sphere". The book is an order of magnitude
better than the movie.

Then there is Farmer's World of the Tiers novels such as
"Maker of Universes". He carries the concept of building
universes as traps to a higher level.

William's "Aristoi" is amazing for its intentional use of
fragmentation as a means of creating spiritual teammates for
use in a primarily virtual world.

Besides Stranger, Heinlein's OT stories are in "Assignment
in Eternity" where his mention of Gurdieff etc. show how well
read he really was in metaphysics etc.

There have been some good recent ones too, but I slip up a
bit on the newer author's names. But virtual reality type
stuff is quite popular and even things like time resets
("Replay" by Griswald (?)) are showing up.

=========

PENALTY UNIVERSES

I mentioned that I was emailed some interesting material on
the penalty universes, so here it is.

This is from **** who
doesn't want her name mentioned on the news group.

(note BOTP = Book of the Pilot = super scio).


F L O W Z E R O & T H E P E N A L T Y U N I V E R S E S

In /BOTP/ I read about how to run the penalty universes--that
you should pick one that seems to indicate, give that a light
pass, then go back and run the rest in order. I started
wondering which one I should run first, and flashed upon
To Join--Cat People as my item. OK, now that I started this,
I'd better do some work and not just drop it. I started
spotting the top of the sequence, including being pushed in,
and realized I had pushed /myself/ in a number of times--at
least a few hundred. I'd stay in for the good parts, then
jump out. Or maybe a bunch of my neighbors would say she's
at it again then pile on to keep me there for the duration.
No matter. I'd just wallow in it, enjoy the sensations [even
the "unpleasant" ones] secure in the knowledge [in spite of
the story line] that it would come to an end. I would then
hang out around the entrance and try to jump back in again
unnoticed.

(and from a later email)

On the penalty universes--it's not exactly true I'd jump in to
enjoy the degraded parts. [In P.T. I don't like being whipped
and beaten up if that's what you're thinking.] It's more like
I'd jump in for the good parts, then find I couldn't get out
when I wanted to.

The same clowns who tossed people in also kept people in after
they hopped in by themselves. When this happened, I'd just
settle down and try to "be able to experience anything". Not
really that bad if you approach it with the right frame of mind.

One last thing--if I enjoyed the good parts so much, why didn't
I copy the universe and keep just the parts I liked? I probably
did. But others probably took exception to that and modified my
creation to make sure I had the complete experience--either by
filling in the missing parts or replacing the whole thing with
a transfer universe that simply catapulted me over into the
original version.

Yes, you may pass this on to your correspondents. May I suggest
you take the information from my last post and add the paragraph
just above to it?

And yes, I'd like to stay anonymous for now--please use the
name/e-mail address **** with it when publishing it broadly.
You may give my real name to your "trusted inner circle".

(end of material from ****)

========

The above note on the penalty universes really indicated to
me. There is a flow zero component that I'd missed, especially
as to tossing myself into the goal "To Guide" (obvious in
retrospect).

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot



++++++++++++++++++++++++


To the Techfinder list,

24. ENTITIES AND BLACK THETA OPS

Oct 24, 2000

Very scary. Maybe total dub-in.

=======

ENTITIES

Here I'm using the HCL definition, which considers that
Entities are different from BTs (which Ron calls idle
spirits in HCL) and that there are 7 of them and that
they don't blow.

I ran Nots to the level of endless overrun, and then
found PMEs (machine entities) and Control Entites (like
CBR's monitors) and others kinds of things and fragmentation
(my own pieces) and yet there still seems to be a set of
major entities which are something else and very hard to
reach.

As best I can spot, these 7 are merged with the primary
person in the between lives area (I get a scene on the
moon) and the entire set of 8 (basic person plus 7) form
the individual as we know him in this lifetime. And he
was different last lifetime because he had a different
set of 7 combining with him to form the "individual".

And each of us was divided into 8 on entering the earth
prison and our other 7 sub-pieces are currently acting
as entities on 7 other people.

In other words, your primary conscious center is who you
are but your other sub-pieces are part of other people and
other people's sub-pieces are part of your current identity.

The idea is to continually re-arrange us from lifetime
to lifetime. That is what dead forever means. The complete
composite of you in one life does end at death. Who you
are now is not who your were last lifetime. And yet the
primary center, which is you at basic, did live a past
life, and the other pieces who form the current you, each
lived a past life too, but different ones from the one
you lived, and the pieces who were there with you then
are now living as parts of other people now.

It is meant to confuse.

And it is "sold" as prison reform, because the shore story
is that we will come to be more social by living as a
composite with others. But of course it is all really
BS meant to screw us up.

It is hard to find these. Often they don't read on the
emeter or just dive out of sight. They do not blow because
they are part of the mechanics of being in this reality.

=======

THE CENSOR OR MORALIST ENTITY

On Saturday I finally took a deep breath and faced up to
something that has been hanging in the background.

It was the idea of Ethics being the why on my current
messed up state.

People push this at me once in awhile, but every time I
started down that logic path, I got into such an absurd
mess that I just dropped it.

This time I decided to go with it and see where it lead.

First of all, here is the logic chain - it is obviously
crazy but it indicated like mad, so I'll lay it out
in its full insane glory.

I can't get a 2D because I betrayed Ann.

She betrayed me as a response to my prior betrayal.

The way I betrayed her was by attacking her religion, which
was orthodox CofS.

Therefore, it was an overt of the highest magnitude for
me to have written super scio and self clearing and that
is the reason for my current destruction.

The acts of the CofS or whether SS or SC were right or
wrong have nothing whatsoever to do with anything. The
simple fact is that I attacked the religion of a 2D and
therefore am damned and will never have a 2D again.

Basically I had the only 2D that would have me as I am
without all sorts of changes and who agreed with me on
most points and I turned against her on one key issue.

And the only way out is to do a liability formula which
would include the destruction of the freezone as part
of making amends.

Of course this is crazy.

If I consider my own conscious logic, I don't believe
any of it. Writing and posting SS and SC were helpful
acts done with good intention. As far as Ann goes, I'd
had a previous wife (Jenny) and when we began to slide
out of agreement, we had separated on good terms and
remained good friends and I'd had no trouble pulling
in another 2D (Ann) and Jenny had found a great 2D as
well.

So from a conscious perspective, there are no overts in
sight and no betrayal of 2D. And the very idea of being
"ethical" in that above logic chain leads to harming
freezone which I would consider to be highly out-ethics
in any conscious thought.

So I laid out the rediculous logic chain and then wondered
where it came from.

It seemed like this "ethics" was being enforced on me
from outside.

Its like having a stupid law and then being stuck in jail
regardless of what you consciously think about it.

In other words, I'm getting motivator for something that
I don't consider to be an overt.

And so I looked for the mechanism and found Freud's
Super-Ego or Censor which imposes an ethics subconsciously,
outside of what the person is aware of. And what it
really was was one of these entities doing it.

We are each being an external Censor or Super-Ego on
somebody else, and somebody else is being that on us.

My handling was to have "her" (the super-ego seemed to
have a feminine flavor) spot similar overts (of betrayal)
of her own until she let go of this one.


=========

MORE SHOWS UP

The next day (Sunday), **** did an L1C ("recently") in
session on me and more of this entity stuff was coming
up.

I wouldn't bore you with session details, but one point
was worth noting.

An entity surfaced on either cut or incomplete comm or
something like that. On being asked, it said that the
missed comm was "We are supposed to stop you". Note that
this was not saying that he was still stopping me (I seem
to be getting more and more help and less opposition from
these, they are turning into spiritual teammates), but that
they were originally setup with commands to stop any attempt
to learn too much or get out of the trap.

So we did some L&N on who wanted to stop me, getting
"Marcab" as the answer and then on why and the answer
was "To protect themselves".

And it seemed to me that these answers applied to everybody
here, so I felt that they should be noted.


========

REALITY

I continued to spot stuff about this.

My latest thought is that the composite of 8 (you and
the 7 others) generates and brings about reality.

If you drill enough to lift the ashtray without stopping
yourself, it still doesn't move because you are only moving
one eighth of the composite mockup and the other 7 are not
moving it.

It might work if you could get in good enough comm with
the other 7 to drill each of them on lifting the ashtray
and then have all of you lift it together.

Note that the consitantly repeatable table lifting exercise
I did in my teens (before Scn) required three people chanting
for about an hour. This may have mesmerized them and enough
of their entities to result in eight lifting the table
simultaneously (one person chanting alone would have to
convince all his entities and maybe that is not very practical,
but three people would each only have to convince a few of
their entities to get enough to agree on moving the object).

=======

BLACK THETA OPS

Then I was looking at a video clip of a Factnet pannel
discussion and Grady Ward was talking about being attack
by CofS and I got a big feeling of terror from one of
these entities.

When I handled him, I got this huge burst of information.
It's taken me time to sort it out, but it all seemed to
come through as one big unit (sort of like the comm
described by Monroe in one of his books) and there was
enough in it that surprised me that I don't think that
it is just dub-in on my part, although maybe I got some
of it wrong or the entity relaying it might have altered
some things.

The deep fear was on having been struck once (really 3 times
but the entity said once), heavily, on the sexual line by osa
with that sdh implant and then spending most of a year (so far)
trying to offset it (and still not handled) because an
individual working alone can't balance the effects of a group
except by a long accumulation over time.

And there is no group in existance that can balance the sex
flows of a sex oriented group attack against an individual
because it is too far outside of the social agreements.
In other words, if an unscrupulous group uses sex in an
attack, then the individual who is targeted has no hope
of reversing it.

And the above statement seemed to come from a manual called
"Black Theta Ops" (but phrased differently, the above is
my wording).

The "book" (really just a long HCOB like thing) seemed to
have been written by LRH in the late seventies, after Quintin
had died and when he was running because of the indictments.
It seemed like somebody might have been pushing his paranoia
and possibly his guilt about Quintin with ideas about how
we were being attacked psychicly (and Quintin made to suicide
so that it wasn't Ron's fault) and therefor Ron should write
an ops procedure of his own to fight fire with fire by
providing a way to attack on a theta level.

The procedures were based on stuff learned while Ron was
fooling with sex magic while hanging around with Jack Parsons
and studying Crowley.

Ron's prejudice against Christianity caused him to discard
all rituals, whether white or black magic, as being based
on bullshit (anti-christian is rediculous if Christian
mythology is rediculous) and to take whatever little remained
and look for underlying workability. I've talked before
about his getting ideas of mockup processing from the
visualizations used in magic and Crowly (discussed in the
Tech 80 lectures among other places). Apparantly he did
the same with sex magic.

Sex creates a mesmerism which can be used in group postulate
effects. You can probably do the same with chanting but
it is much much slower.

The creative forces were folded down into sex (mentioned, I
think in the HCL lectures) and my impression is that this
goes back to the magic universe.

Rape creates a psychic overwhelm as well as a physical one.
It is an enforce on the emotional and energy systems as well
as on the body and the victim has trouble getting it out
of their mind. The physical impingement is generally far
less than in simply getting beaten up. But the victims
often seem to get stuck in it whereas they might get over
a physical beating in a few days.

This is because the mesmeristic effects of sex get down into
the entities outside of the person's conscious think. And
so an engramic use of sex doesn't as-is easily.

Putting all this together, it seems like the "bring about"
mechanism by which a person pulls in things can be seriously
distorted and setup to work against one by something like
that SDH procedure.

The manual seemed to express rules for the effects of
sexual and psychic interactions. There is a distance in
theta separate from the distance in mest. Sex, even
enforced rape, moves one closer on the theta or psychic
level.

Right now, that OSA crew that did the SDH procedure is
closer to me than anybody. You are all at a distance.
Nobody else is that intimate with me. It is like a black
ring around me. That is why all the 2D crazyness. I can
hardly reach anybody even if we are physically together
talking. It was a negative inverted mess and it still
persists because nobody has gotten close enough with
that intensity. It faded briefly when somebody visited
me last February, but it was inadequate to balance the
quantity of blackness because of the use of drugs and
a group attack. Simply an equation of five volts vs
five hundred volts.

The manual outlined a stage one attack which was the psychic
attack I described early on, using hypnotized girls to key
me in from a distance. That seemed to have been used for
months with no effect and so they upgraded to stage two
which was the physical SDH attack (including a drug rape).
After that the stage one attack (which continued) started
to have some effects as well.

But they are very leary of this stuff and don't really
believe it themselves, and so they only used it when they
got desperate. As soon as I seemed to be handled, they
let it all slide because they are afraid of getting caught
and they don't believe in it anyway.

But there is a level three procedure which seemed to
require forming a witch's coven, mesmerize them with
group sex, and then kill an animal and use its soul as
a transport to strike at somebody in the real world.

And the equation is that a coven of 13, mesmerized adequately,
is enough to exceed the reality generated by the usual
entity array of 8 and therefore can impose physical reality
on an individual target.

Another datum from the thing is that something done in
the real world physically and on a psychic level can't be
handled by a think type process but needs real world handling.
And of course sex is out PR enough that one can't get
positive sex to offset negative sex and the black flows
imposed will keep one isolated.

The entity of mine that passed this all on had a goal to
keep me from writing on the net because I wouldn't survive
the next attack if I become too visible. At least not if
I'm alone or with an untrained 2D.

Although the above seems to stack things against me, for
some reason I felt a bit better on looking at it and my
physical appearance actually seemed lighter in a mirror.
So I'm hopeing that this mess is weakened by spotting it.

==========


Sorry to be stirring up such heavily charged areas without
full resolution.

And maybe this is all just dubin manufactured by the mind
to explain being so damn horny all the time. I'll never
know for sure until I've settled down with a 2D for awhile.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot



++++++++++++++++++++++++


To the Techfinder list,

25. FOUND THE GPM ETC.

Oct 25, 2000

=======

MAGIC UNIVERSE GPM GOAL

After the writeup on entities yesterday, I was rollercoastering
heavily.

I was trying to postulate my way out of this and it was just
adding to the charge. It was like everything was misaligned
and attempts to get the set of 7 entities to line up behind
a postulate just added to the chaos.

So I began looking at what I was trying to postulate. And
suddenly I found a quiet spot against which everything aligned
easily. And I generalized it a bit and realized that I had
finally gotten the goddamn actual GPM goal in its exact wording.

My goal is -

TO HAVE AFFECTIONATE SEX.

It is from the magic universe series of actual GPM goals. I've
been on this one for a long time.

And it is an actual goal rather than implanted, and so it is
something that one wants to keep doing and the handling is
to clean it up and get it out of opposition (just like with
the goal to be intelligent, which I no longer have in opposition
to holy people etc.).

All indications that sex was a wrong item would drive the charge
through the roof because it was part of the goal.

All indications that sex was a right item would drive the charge
through the roof because it was not the correct goal but
only close to it.

It might have been possible to pick up "sex" as a wrongly
worded item. That would have indicated correctly. Almost
right items are the most deadly.

Almost everything had slid over to the opterm side. Of course
anyone opposed to sex or wanting sex only for procreation etc.
would end up as an opterm. But sex without affection also
ended up as an opterm. And affection without sex ended up as
an opterm.

In fact, since I was not having sex with affection or seeing
any prospect of that, pretty much everybody was taking on the
color of an opterm.

I listed "who or what would have the goal to have affectionate
sex". One item list. Answer - "a lover".

Who or what would oppose yields "hateful people".

Basic service fac - "They're full of hate".

These are basic items that permeate the whole GPM. I don't
have the detail items yet, but they would be specifics that
I used or ran into opposition from. But it is better to take
off grades style charge first.

Simply postulating the ability to have affectionate sex into
people union station style has charge coming off like skyrockets.

It looks like grades style processes will run like crazy with
anything from the above worked into the wording.

A sec check would have been a huge mistake, it would certainly
be written in the wrong context, miss the real overts, and
bypass charge like crazy. General O/W type stuff, or 3DXX O/W
style stuff aimed at the known terminals and opterms would be
the right way, and I can already see things beginning to surface
just on the idea (a whole lot of magic track is coming into
view among other things).

This goal is very very old and has decayed severely.

Tons of stuff that was positive early in the goal shifted over
to the negative side long ago. Improving my appearance, for
example, always bypassed charge in some strange way and now
is revealed as being due to "looking nice" having moved into
an opterm because it is attracting sex for physical reasons
instead of for affection.

The area was big trouble years ago, but I had the luck to be
in an environment at NY org where sex was not being opposed
and was primarily done for reasons of affection rather than
any other whys. And so the GPM cooled down. But it has always
been a tough area.

The attack by OSA back at the end of November raised the charge
levels to the max on this GPM. Every damn thing under the
sun went into heavy restim. Without that, the case would be
the same but I would have time and be happy with small wins.
As it is, I'm in a total freekout and must have instant results,
but that really is just due to the quantity of charge in
restim.

So much is boiling up on this that I can hardly keep up with
it all.


==========

ANON05'S RESPONSE

> In Ifa, a person's appearance in this world consists of 8
> outer plus 8 inner energies. From the latter, one is the
> proper 'higher self', the other's are basic 'forces of nature'.
> This would match the 7+1 formula above. The specific energies
> are determined in the in-between life area. Dependent on the
> composition of the 7 inner energies, a Guardian Being' and a
> 'Protection Being' (Orishas) are imposing themselves upon the
> person (the person not having a choice about the latter).

I'd be quite interested in seeing a list of the 8 and their
characteristics.

It is facinating how these things parallel across different
cutural perspectives.

========

SciFi - somebody (not sure if it was in this group or not)
mentioned how nice Simak's "Ring around the Sun" was.

I rmember it fondly and think that I might have a copy
somewhere in my huge pile of SciFi novels.

An interesting point about Simak is that his early stuff is
much more advanced but not as well written. As he gained in
writing skill his ideas became a bit more conservative.

Another good early one is "Time is the Simplest Thing".
Another example where his ideas are way out there but the
writing talent falls a bit short so that the story seems a
little juvinile. And yet the juviniles either on Time or
on Ring would be left far behind because the ideas are
very powerful. Both stories are much more than they seem
at a casual glance.


========

I really hope that the latest breakthrough has gotten me out
of this hellhole. It has gone on much too long.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot



++++++++++++++++++++++++


To the Techfinder list,

26. RUNNING THE GPM

Oct 31, 2000

=======

See the previous message on "Found the GPM" concerning my spotting
my actual GPM in the magic universe series as "to have
affectionate sex".

I had to push myself to follow my own processing writeup (Super
Scio chapter on actual GPMs). Charge and inval kept bubbling
up, but the processes did seem to bite much better than anything
else has up until now.

I worked grades processes extensively, using affectionate sex
or an affectionate lover as appropriate in the grades commands.

The first process (just postulating the ability into others, union
station style) was hard to flatten. Then it got easier. There
were some wrinkles (see below) but lots of charge came off.
Things now seem a little bit better although I'm far from cured.

The biggest cog was that this goal hanging around from the
magic universe permeates my entire stay in the current universe
and I can find it throughout the current GPM spiral. It is
even there way back when I was in the goals "to be godlike",
"to be free", etc. early in the current GPM series (where I'm
sitting down in "to be intelligent" right now). Seeing that
when I was godlike in this universe, I was still spinning on
the 2D (super OT with 2D problems, way back when), put this
damn thing into a little better perspective. It ties into why
I got pushed down here (from the magic universe) in the first
place.



========

3GA AS SUGGESTED BY ANON02

> ok. I'm a bit cautious on this as I wouldn't want to inval
> correct items.
> I'd suspect the listing question is a little late in the GPM.

What I'd picked up on listing was really just obvious stuff
that jumped to mind and listed as single item lists.


> I've found the
> 3GA approach deepest.

I gave these a shot as well since they seemed to list easily
and instantly.

> w/w would want to have affectionate sex?

An affectionate lover.

> w/w would oppose having affectionate sex?

hatefull people
govt burocrats
those who marry for power (the item)

> w/w would not want to have affectionate sex?

A dispasionate powerful person

> w/w would not oppose having affectionate sex?

An impressario

> w/w would have affectionate sex?

A joyful lover

> w/w wouldn't have affectionate sex?

A celebate priest

> w/w would oppose opposition to having affectionate sex?

A loyal companion

> w/w wouldn't oppose opposition to having affectionate sex?


- snip -

> To pulll off additional terminal packages assess the prehav
> scale on the
> goal to have affectionate sex and L&N with that button.
>
> e.g. if prehav level were "suppress":
>
> w/w would suppress having affectionate sex
> etc.
> --
> Anon02

This brought a bit more into view. My impression is that
at this point I was getting things that tended to permeate
the GPM (both on the above and on the stuff I mentioned
listing last time) and that this is good because it takes
a bit of charge off, but that the true item pattern is
yet to be revealed and will be some kind of zig-zag like
R3M type thing.

I did these because they went easily and the answers seemed
to be on the tip of my toung on reading the questions (or
on thinking of the questions in the case of the ones I put
in the previous message), I would not suggest hard listing
on anything like this.

My general theory is to get off lots of charge and wait for
cogs and for items and patterns to begin appearing naturally
before trying to get a detailed item pattern than maps out
the track of living the GPM. Therefore I've been concentrating
on the grades type processing (below).


=======

GPM GRADES

I used the processes from the super scio chapter on actual
GPMs. Mostly they ran like clockwork (some hard but most super
easy) but there was an exception.

When I tried grade 3, instead of using the CDEI processes I'd
mocked up and placed in super scio, which used "what might",
I altered them into "recall" and smashed right into a barrier.

I found the most amazing thing which was that I had no incident
in this lifetime where I'd rejected affectionate sex, but I
had pleanty incidents of being rejected.

There was a facinating flow imbalance. I'd outflow a desire for
affectionate sex and I'd inflow a rejection of affectionate
sex. You put out A and you get back B, consistantly. This
results in both flows getting stuck.

And the charge on this was so hot that even the "what might"
version in super scio seemed like it might restimulate the
imbalance instead of handling it.

So I altered yet again to doing "get the idea of rejecting/
not recjecting affectionate sex" etc. Of course I ran this
through the whole CDEINR scale (reject being a better way of
wording "refused").

That one worked. Note that the "what might" version had worked
on the actual GPM "to be intelligent", but I was fairly high up
in that one whereas I'm almost out the bottom on this affectionate
sex goal, so the new variation was really a way of running
something that is very decayed.

As charge came off, I could see a pattern as follows -


(terminal) (opterm)

One who is curious about... those who make nothing of ...

One who desires ... those who reject ...

One who enforces ... those who inhibit ...

One who inhibits ... those who enforce ...

One who rejects ... those who desire ...

One who makes nothing of... those who are curious about ...


Notice that the CDEINR sequence was not quite right and it
became CDEIRN instead.

Notice that this is the scale of a salesmen in an improved form.

This pattern seems to underly ARC breaks.

This is a further refinement of things I've had ideas about
concerning a CDEI implant.

This might not be the item pattern of the magic universe GPMs,
but rather a more basic thing that permeates GPMs etc. and
encourages the decay of anything we try to have.

The flow imbalance itself is the true ARC break charge.

=======

FURTHER STEPS

After a lot of grades charge came off, I took a shot a trying
to do goal oppose listing, trying for goals before and after
affectionate sex in the sequence.

A goal oppose would not list. Note that it does work on the
current universe actual GPMs because the whole series derives
from survive.

But magic universe was not survival oriented. It was less of
a problem and we were trying to enjoy ourselves instead.

So then I remembered the 1964 trick of listing "solves" instead
of "opposes" and that did work.

This is sloppy and uncertain.

But the affectionate sex (at least for me, I don't know how
generic this all is) is a solution to a failed goal to be
famous (or something like that) and will be solved, in turn,
by persuing a goal to be wealthy (or something like that).

This is still overcharged, but I can see the sequence of
looking for intimate connection when a broader connection
has failed, and then trying to buy happiness after the
intimacy has failed.

This all has the feeling of very old stuff, a pattern
repeated too many times, which ground to a hault back in
the magic universe and has sat there hanging fire throught
my history in this universe.

Right now my main effort is to use the R3D O/W style technique
to run O/W by valences on things like what would an affectionate
lover do to a hatefull person etc.

Since valence oriented O/W works even on non GPM items, I
can try things and play around to see what will start running
like wildfire (affectionate lover vs famous person etc.) and
just keep letting charge come off until detailed things appear
or I have some other basic cog that takes the rest apart or
whatever.

It is already obvious to me that fame and love are in some
kind of an opposition relationship. Note that the "fame"
of my Pilot writings was the direct reason for the break
with my ex-wife Ann.

As long as that 2D (with Ann) was going, it acted like a
band-aid that kept this magic universe series out of
restim. Eventually an item seems to have caught up with
me and smashed the 2D, but I was writting for years first.

Now however, with the goals series charged up like crazy,
every attempt to talk me into posting (which means moving
into a "famous" position) slides instantly into the heavy
charge on affectionate sex.

Note that the Fame / Love / Fortune goals sequence of the
magic universe consists of all desirable goals just like
the Holy / Intelligent / Strong goals sequence of the current
universe does. Also, "affectionate sex" rather than love
is the exact reading goal for me currently, but common
sense tells me that it must be "love" at some earlier
point on the track, it just wouldn't run that way yet.

There are other goals series (probably one per universe)
and some have my Pilot stuff on the positive side (the
goal to be intelligent, for example), so it is not an
all encompassing problem, except that the current absence
of any 2D has made it into an open wound.


========

Enough for now.

ARC,

Ken aka The Pilot



++++++++++++++++++++++++


To the Techfinder list,

27. MORE INFO ETC.

Nov 06, 2000

=======

POSTING

I just posted "end of endless telepathic sec checking"
about Koos.

I'm waiting to see how badly I key in.

After I posted Thursday I was sick.

I posted again anyway on Friday and ended up in a maximum
strength 2D spin this weekend.

I managed to pull another command phrase out of the SDH
implant and it was in background conversation - "this is
the best sex he'll ever have".

Even with that, I was in bad shape over the weekend.

**** asked me why it didn't go away after running it. My
answer was that if you run out somebody losing their arm,
the arm doesn't rematerialize (it should, but that is way
out of the accessible band). The damn OSA implant hooks
onto 2D loss and also hits the 2D sensation and will not
entirely let go without a real 2D. It substitues for loss
and another substitute is needed to get it out of the
way. It is like a black ring in the astral field close
around me and nobody can get close enough to get inside
of it.

What I've run of it seems to desensitize. Certainly I've had
a big gain from what I've handled so far. But every damn
little tidbit hooks in with maximum strength. Aside from
this incident, I've never had command phrases operative from
anything. I had a heavy operation with drugs and doctors
chatting and what they said (in background) had no command
value at all even before the incident was run. But this damn
thing sticks, either because of a hypnotic effect or because
of being hooked into loss and 2D sensation.

========

DENTAL QUESTION (ATTN ANON05)

I also finally saw a dentist, aiming at a real world improvement
in my appearance.

The amount of work needed and the time and expense involved
will be pretty extreme, infact horrible.

The dentist is highly recommended and seems to be one of
the better ones, explaining, making things as easy as possible
rather than make wrongs, and believing in non-metalic handlings
rather than putting toxic materials in the mouth.

I'm missing a tooth on each side of my upper front teeth, with
the roots still present. The dentists solution is to pull
the residual roots and give me a bridge. I asked about post
crowns in the existing roots (or in place of the roots) to
provide permanent (non-removable) false teeth and they were
unaware of an option of that sort. And so my question is does
anybody know if this is a lack of knowledge on their part or is
this correct. I'm scheduled to have the roots pulled next
Monday so let me know before this if it seems like a mistake.

Anon05 was already giving me some info on this area so I'm mainly
asking him, but anybody's input would be welcome.

=======

THANK YOU TO ****

Just to say thanks for the nice Holloween card email. A bright
spot in a mostly overcharged existance.

========

WHAT I RAN ON THE REALITY WARS.

I took yet another stab at blowing basic charge on 2D.

I found the following -

I'd worked on 1 dimensional constructions to the point of a big
cog and then moved on to working (alone) on a 12 dimensional
system which I did not get anywhere near done. Then I dropped
down to the 5 dimensional effort.

I bounced this off of my sister and she said that she could
recall working on a 2 dimensional system to some big result
and then working with a group on a 7 dimensional system until
they were just on the edge of something fabulous and then got
dragged down into working on 5 dimensions even though she wanted
to finish the 7D mockup. There was a big loss on this incomplete
mockup that never quite got done.

The 3D group outnumbered the 4D group but the 4D and 5D groups
in combination were larger than 3D. And my efforts while in the
5D group was to bring about a compromise and alliance between the
4D and 5D groups. But the 4D crowd kept fighting me and finally
attacked and smashed the 5D group on the basis that if they had
compromised, then those who worked on 5D would always be a bit
stronger because 5 dimensions can overwhelm 4.

In the aftermath of that, I joined the 3D group because I had
huge ARC breaks with the 4D group and wanted to spite them.
But others from the smashed 5D effort joined the 4D crew because
the 4D mockups were closer to the 5D than the 3D ones were.
My sister had recall on joining the 4D group at that time.

And so the 5D crew ended up divided between 3D and 4D. But they
had many points of agreement with each other despite being on
opposite sides. And therefore they ended up as the architects
of the peace when everybody had had too much of the wars and
wanted them to end somehow or other.

And the terms of the peace was to force the 3D and 4D proponents
to join with each other, compulsively. And the 3D crew ended
up with a male bias and the 4D crew with a female bias. The
males could overwhelm the females physically (in 3D reality)
but the females could bring extra, non-physical, things to
bear (from the 4D mockup system).

And I was one of the enforcers of the peace. One of many,
actually (I'm not claiming to be an only one or the originator).
And not very well aligned with the normal 3D proponents, because
of the heavy agreement with 5D, but part of that group nonetheless.

And there was a worry that those who worked to enforce the "sex"
compulsion would be senior to it and have an advantage. And
so there was some solution to this that made us more effect
(this is prior to true overt/motivator, but may be the origins
of that) and I cannot even spot how it was done, but it was
fixed so that we would be more affected by the "sex" compulsions
than the others.

And it is a mistake to call it sex because it was really a
sort of yin/yang rather than a bodily thing. But it included
an energy exchange and joining that underlies what later was
made into sex as we know it.

And my feeling is that if I unhook that, the wars come back.
And that it is a terrible overt for me to not be having sex
with a 2D partner. It violates very basic agreements.

Maybe just dub-in. But very real to me.


==========

MORE ON POSTING SUICIDE

I just took a break and had a cigarette out in the parking
structure.

The suicidal impulses were almost overwhelming.

I think that it proves my speculation that posting tends to
key in the OSA thing and the heavy 2D charge.

==========

THE THREE WAY APPROACH

I've been seeing and hitting 3 different lines.

1. It is just physical and real world factors. The latest
discussion on ACT is along those lines. I'm simply getting
older and have hit the middle aged crazys and I'm not well
equipped to deal with it. This is true, but is it a major
source or just a side effect that I could otherwise ignore
(I used to be capable of sidestepping so many real world
things).

2. It is just case and can be processed out. Obviously,
everything keyed in now will run back and certainly I had
all these things, in mild form, at one time or another. And
so we can just assign this all to unhandled case. Except
that usually we can run a tiny percentage and have somebody
operating super well on a keyout effect.

3. It is that damn OSA SDH thing and because it was real
world, I can't get rid of it fully without some balancing
action in the real world and I've been pretty damn stuck
because both my own case and my current physical situation
interfear with having any normal 2D to offset a bunch of
crazys drugging me a fucking me up the ass. Except that
maybe it is just a manifestation of my own case or maybe
the whole mess, case and OSA, is just a justifier for being
too weak to handle the depressing effects of a body growing
older and undesirable.

I don't think that I'll ever know for sure unless I get
lucky enough to pull in a real 2D. Then maybe the other
two factors will fall away and the real one will sit there
like a flaming sore and I can aim at it exclusively.

Meanwhile all I can do is to alternate in my targets,
hoping that something will give way on one front or another.

Crazily Yours,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


28. First Message From ****

(He made some good C/Sing Suggestions)


> Subject:Yet Another C/S for Ken


Dear Ken,

My name is ****.

I was moved to respond based on this post: Re: SUPER
SCIO -
MY ANSWER TO IS IT DANGEROUS TO BE OUTED.

- snip -
-
So, when your posting frequency took a dive, much of
my
reason for reading ACT went down the tubes. Hence,
in the
hope of finding more of interest there, and on the
basis of
my extensive technical credentials (incomplete HSDC)
I have
written an "emergency" C/S for you. I expect I'm
not the
only one to have done so as you seem to have many
other
friends out here in the wilds of the internet. I
may
possibly claim the distinction of having done so
with the
least technical background.

Best case, the C/S will seem interesting enough to
run and
prove good enough to help. Worst case -- well,
worst case
it should at least prove amusing to read.

C/S for Ken Ogger aka "The Pilot."

R Factor

Given your technical ability and case state, it
seems likely
that there is a major tangle here -- no one single
thing
that's "out" but rather a number of hot threads that
are
intertwined. Otherwise, I expect you'd already have
found
and "pulled the string."

Therefore, the purpose of this "exercise" is simply
to
locate and identify what's hot and what's not and to
cool
things off enough that you can again be certain of
your
ability to handle the area.

1. Make a list of all your current-lifetime 2D
terminals.
Include:
Mother
Father
Brother(s)
Sister(s)
Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Inlaws
Any child you particularly "bonded" to or admired

Anyone else who "feels" like family
Anyone else who you particularly wish were NOT
family
Any peron or thing you've had sex with (including

yourself, your hand, your penis, your dog, etc.)
Any person or thing you WISH you'd had sex with.

Don't worry about making the list too perfect and
feel free
to "extend" the list if anyone else "pops up." In
case of
doubt, put 'em on the list.

2. Assess the list marking reads. Reassess if it
feels
necessary later. ALL listed terminals should be
handled
eventually unless there's a huge floating TA, big
cog, "all
is now handled" type release. Otherwise, we just
prefer to
take the hottest terminals first.

Handle each terminal with:

3. Assess and handle each reading item from the list
below,
AS IT COMES UP, to a release using appropriate
specific tech
or just itsa, earlier similar itsa. Also consider as

appropriate using creative processing to create,
change, and
waste vast quantities of an item. If anything not
specifically on the list below turns up for one
terminal
(under suppress, invalidate, or whatever) add it to
the list
and consider checking it for read on any terminals
handled
previously. Replace the symbol (TERM) in the list
below with
the specific terminal from the previous list and
recheck
each handled item for additional reads before
proceeding to
the next. ("Another ARC Break", "Something else that

shouldn't have been done", etc.)

With regard to (TERM), is there
An ARC Break?
A Problem?
A Withhold?
A mystery?
A pleasure?
A pain?
A sensation?

With regard to (TERM), is there something that
shouldn't have been done?
shouldn't have been said?
should have been done?
should have been said?

With regard to (TERM) is there something
wanted?
unwanted?
hidden?
unknown?
refused?
denied?
curious?
enforced?
inhibited?

With regard to (TERM), is there something
left unsaid?
left undone?
that must not be said?
that must not be done?
you wanted to say?
you wanted to do?
that makes you right?
that makes (TERM) wrong?

With regard to (TERM) is there something
ugly?
beautiful?
lost?
found?
cherished?
sad?
precious?
unique?

With regard to (TERM)
Has anything been suppressed?
Has anything been invalidated?

Repeat until list F/Ns on (TERM) or no reads on
first pass.

4. Differentiation

R Factor:
You created a powerful alternate identity as "The

Pilot." Since your current travail manifested
subsequent to
your outing, it seems possible that we should
explore any
possibility that the travail was linked to that
outing. One
factor is that, initially, you tried to keep the
"Ken Ogger"
and "The Pilot" identities separate -- a task
obviously made
more difficult after your outing. Exploring the
possibility
that the two identities have collapsed and created
some
confusion, this exercise just looks to reestablish
some
separation between the two identities.

4.A How is "Ken Ogger" similar to "The Pilot?"
4.B. How is "Ken Ogger" different from "The Pilot?"

Alternate & repetitive to an easy EP

4.C How is "Ken Ogger" worse than "The Pilot?"
4.D How is "Ken Ogger" better than "The Pilot?"

Alternate & repetitive to an easy EP

4.E What can "The Pilot" do that "Ken Ogger" cannot
do?
4.F What can "Ken Ogger" do that "The Pilot" cannot
do?

Alternate & repetitive to an easy EP

4.G What can "Ken Ogger" do to please" The Pilot?"
4.H What can "Ken Ogger" do to annoy" The Pilot?"
4.I. What can "The Pilot" do to please" Ken Ogger?"
4.J. What can "The Pilot" do to annoy "Ken Ogger?"

Alternate & repetitive to an easy EP

4.K What is expected of "The Pilot" that is not
expected of
"Ken Ogger?"
4.L. What is expected of "Ken Ogger" that is not
expected of
"The Pilot?"

Alternate & repetitive to an easy EP

4.M. How is it easier to be "The Pilot" than "Ken
Ogger?"
4.N. How is it easier to be "Ken Ogger" than "The
Pilot?"

Alternate & repetitive to an easy EP

4.O. How has anonymity helped "The Pilot"
4.P. How has anonymity helped "Ken Ogger"
4.Q. How has anonymity hindered "The Pilot"
4.R. How has anonymity hindered "Ken Ogger"

Alternate & repetitive to an easy EP

4.S. How has "the outing" helped "The Pilot"
4.T. How has "the outing" helped "Ken Ogger"
4.U. How has "the outing" hindered "The Pilot"
4.V. How has "the outing" hindered "Ken Ogger"

Alternate & repetitive to an easy EP

4.W. What has "The Pilot" withheld about "Ken
Ogger?"
4.X. What has "Ken Ogger" withheld about "The
Pilot?"

Alternate & repetitive to an easy EP

4.Y. How can "The Pilot" help "Ken Ogger?"
4.Z. How can "Ken Ogger" help "The Pilot?"

If you feel it useful, repeat 4.A - Z or extend as
you deem
appropriate. (Since I have cleverly used up all the
alpha
characters, I'll leave the numerics to you. <grin>)

5. Service Fac (Check the following and handle as
you see
best)

5.A. How does "no 2D" make me right?
5.B. How does "no 2D" make another/others wrong?
5.C. How does having a 2D make me right?
5.D. How does having a 2D make another/others wrong?

6. GPM

R Factor:

If I recall correctly, your most recent GPM involved
"To be
Intelligent" or something of that nature. Here we
want to
check if that GPM has gotten "charged up" or
reactivated,
somehow, by recent events. Adjust wording to fit.

6.A. How does
(Being a husband/Being a father/Being a lover)
demonstrate, prove, enhance or assist your
intelligence?

6.B. How does "being intelligent" help you be a
(husband,
father, lover).

6.C. What does "having a 2D" demonstrate to others?
To self?

6.D. What does "not having a 2D" demonstrate to
others? To
self?

If there are any "weird" answers to the above, or if
any of
those questions generate heat or much protest, have
a look
at what's going on. I expect you would know better
than I
how do follow up on that. Might be best to show
your
answers to someone you trust to see if THEY spot
anything
weird. Sometimes case blinds us to our own
weirdness.

7. Good and Bad

For each of the following questions, make a list of
answers
until you're comfortable that "everything important"
is on
the list. Combine the lists into one (by striking
duplicate
items).

7.A. What good things come from having a 2D?
7.B. What bad things come from having a 2D?
7.C. What good things come from not having a 2D?
7.D. What bad things come from not having a 2D?

Handle each item on the combined list with:

A. Get the idea that (item) is good -- very,
very
good.
B. Get the idea that (item) is bad -- very,
very
bad.
C. Get the idea that (item) is important --
very,
very important.
D. Get the idea that (item) is unimportant --

completely, entirely negligible.
Repeat A-D until easy and rapid

E. Mock up lots of people who think (item) is

good -- and make sure they get plenty of it.
F. Mock up lots of people who think (item) is
bad --
and give them lots of it anyway.
G. Mock up lots of people who think (item) is

important -- and have them all change their minds
H. Mock up lots of people who desire (item)
and
withhold it from them.
I. Mock up lots of people who desire (item)
and give
them plenty, then give them "too much."
J. Mock up lots of people who desire (item)
and have
them create plenty then have them waste it.
K.Get the idea that wasting (item) is bad
then
change your mind, mock up lots of it and destroy it.

Repeat E - K until very easy or big ass grin
and can
have/not have, create, destroy, and waste (item) at
will.

-----------------------

Ken I can't claim that my "C/S" will terminatedly
handle
everything for you but it does seem like it might
make a
start on sorting it out.

Looking forward to your VGIs and to more of your
work.

Best,

****


++++++++++++++++++++++++


29. First Response

(note that after this, I've only included my responses
since I mostly quoted all of his messages to me).


Oct 3, 2000


Hi,

Thank you for the well thought out C/S.

I do think it was smartly done. However I've already run case
charge like crazy on the 2D and looking at the C/S simply turned
on overrun phenomena. I've already run most of the things you
suggested one way or another and lots more besides.

And so right now I'm up against the problem of learning how
to find a girlfriend and further auditing in the area doesn't
seem to be useful.

It is kind of like having a homeless man who has no job skills
and no idea of how to get a job and then running out the charge
on working, but he still is incapable in the area and needs to
start from scratch.

And I never did learn anything about how to date or relate to
females etc. I got on Scn staff when I was still in highschool
and until recently had never even dated a non-scientologist
nothing to say of sleeping with one. Both my marriages and all
my affairs (from the very first ones in my teens) were always
a natural coming together based on shared goals, Scn tech, theta
ideas, etc. But there is nobody like that around me now and
I find that I can't bear to be alone, and it turns on a heavy
ARCX that there is nobody here in LA, just fanatics and people
in hiding. It makes it impossible for me to write or research
to any great degree because I'd launch off into low toned
and destructive ranting.

It's taken me all year to learn things which most guys get
through in their teens, and I'm still nowhere near attracting
any females, just a total failure in the area really.


Sorry to be so down toned on this,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

30. 2nd message

Oct 4, 2000


Hi,


> When I saw the "john smith" moniker, I wondered if an old
> highschool friend of mine had managed to find my email address.
> <grin>

Just playing safe with excite.com's user registration form.

> The whole point of that C/S, really, was a scatter shot to
> discover where that MUST HAVE on the 2D is coming from? Why
> do you seem unable to have it, or not have it at will? A
> modest preference to be "in" a relationship is no biggie;
> the almost desperate sense that one MUST HAVE a 2D is
> damming.
>
> From a plain ol' reach and withdraw perspective, your PULL
> on the 2D will almost certainly ensure that any prospects
> will, in turn, resist you and PULL away. What kind of gal
> would actually want someone that obviously needy? Ans.
> Someone who would insist that you remain needy in order to
> satisfy her own complimentary case condition.

All very true.

The must have can be keyed out.

Fifty/fifty I can key it out when hitting a dance club for
example. Then I do well interacting with the girls. Or I
don't blow it successfully and then of course they avoid me
like the plague.

Usually it will key back in after I get home alone. If not,
then it will certainly be back the next day.


> Once upon a time, I said that I would NEVER marry anyone who
> was not a Scientologist. I still feel much the same way
> (and am now single) saving only that I now construe
> "Scientologist" a bit more broadly than I would have then.
> Elsewise, seemingly, there would be too little that we could
> really share.

As far as marriage goes, I pretty much feel the same way.
I would be happy to marry again, but heavy alignment is a
prerequisite.

But a short or long term affair with a non-Scientologist would
be acceptible to me, and maybe a spiritually aware new ager
would study enough self clearing or whatever to move into the
marriageable band.

> So -- were the earlier affairs and marriages basically good?

Extremely so.

Exception - The last five years with Ann.

I would repeat the first time I lived with Ann if I had it
to do over again (over 2 years back in New York). When we
got back together in LA, the first dozen years were very good
but in retrospect I should have found someone else so as to
avoid the last 5 years. We had already broken up once (back
in New York) and knew that although we were good, we were not
optimum for each other.


> Do you now look for something similar, something more, or
> are you planning to settle for something less?

I would settle for far less, in fact just about anything right
now.

Long range I would like something more. But that seems
unlikely. However, one can always hope for things to improve
on a gradient.

> I mean, you aren't too likely to find a female who shares
> your goals by doing the bar thing, are you?

It is hard to meet any girls at all.

I'm mostly doing dance clubs rather than pure pickup joints,
so the tone level and goals are a bit better. ****
(keep secret) is a big help because he is former US dance
champion and has been introducing me around at nice places.

I found that there are available females at the Science of
Mind church service nearby on Sundays. More than I've ever
met in the entire LA freezone actually. So I'm reading up
on the SofM tech and started attending. LRH seems to have
borrowed a lot from SofM, so the transition is easier than
I thought.

> I can't believe that there aren't genuine females out
> there who feel the same way.

I'm pretty sure that if there were any females under 50 in
the LA freezone, that would be the case.

Or rather, if there were a dozen, certainly one of them would
click with me and I'd be fine.

In actual fact, as far as I've been able to determine, there
is only one unattached female under 50 in the entire LA freezone,
and we didn't click when we had lunch (she's not really my item,
and I'm not hers, although we are friendly).

> I've noticed that girls/women (the healthy ones, anyway)
> tend to go for the guys who are relaxed, confident without
> being overbearing, and who can tease them, make them laugh,
> who clearly DO NOT GIVE A SHIT whether they take a girl home
> or not, who genuinely enjoy female company (and who listens
> to them) and who are clearly "lusty" without being gross,
> grasping, or greedy about it. In other words, someone who's
> generally "keyed out" on 0-IV. <grin>

Agreed. Occasionally I can pull this off these days. That is
how come I'm doing a little better. So there are a few girls
who will hang out with me a bit.

> UM, have you "ended cycle" on your last marriage yet?

Yes.

> How many vaginas have you mocked up (and wasted)?

I've run stuff like this into the ground.

I've run just about every process known to man or beast on
this area.

I've even run every major 2D I've had in the last thousand
years and at least doubled the amount of clear whole track
recall I have for my earth lifetimes since this mess started.


> Truly, I think you have only to kick that must have and get
> on with your work.

I've tried that a number of times.

I was feeling a little better recently. Trivial wins, but
enough to rekindle the hope factor. I hung around with three
girls during September. One was very affectionate, but has
big stops on sex (including a vaginal infection) and doesn't
want a 2D in the near future but liked me so much that we even
slept cuddled up (no sex) a few times (and she is the one who
took me over to the SofM service the first time). That filled
a huge vacume. And another was super turned on sexually, but
turned out to be a tease who uses guys she is attracted to to
get turned on and then goes and screws her roommate (who she
is not strongly turned on by but who is safe - this is her
solution to things like aids), however it handled any inval
on my being sexy (and she still falls all over me when she
sees me at the dance club and emails me occasionally to discuss
philosopy). And a third one did have sex with me once but
was neither affectionate nor very turned on, she just couldn't
get the guys she wanted one night (usually she does because
she is good looking) and I was available and we are mildly
friendly (and if she drinks, she needs somebody to spend the
night with who will drive her back to her car in the morning).
That turned off a huge quantity of somatics (I think that I'm
physically addicted to sex thanks to having it almost every
night for close to thiry years) but would have spun me on
inval and lack of affection except for the other two girls
above. It was, by the way, the only time in this lifetime
that I've slept with a non-Scientologist and was one of the
poorest sexual experiences I've ever had.

So I was doing better. Until I talked to some recent bailouts
from CofS and started to feel evangalistic about writing
something about reform for the net.

That was this weekend. It turned on so much bypassed charge
on fringe Scientologists cowering from CofS and nobody around
me and everyone hiding and endless upset on there being no
real 2D that I was just about ready to kill everybody in sight
and feeling almost suicidal as well.

So I dropped it and cooled down and took off ARCX charge and
got back to trying to learn to be a better humanoid and felt
a lot better.

That route is not open to me. I've tried this before and it
always goes this way.


> 1. Are you glued to LA or are you free to take up residence
> elsewhere? Free to travel?

Pretty much glued to LA economically, at least for now.

I have a very high paid, low demands (relatively speaking)
softwear design/programming job.

I could easily do better IF I was willing to put in time and
hard work at a new place, but I can't duplicate it by coasting
and being other intentioned as I am now.

Even with a 2D, I would have to drop Scn/Freezone for about
six months to cut a repuation at a new place (and become the
super system guru there) if I changed jobs.

As for travel, it would be rough right now. I used to fly
around a lot back in the 1980s when I was a software architect
for Citicorp, but I got a bit burned out on that, and I'm
pretty much addicted to cigarrettes which makes it tough to
fly now, and as for going to ****, I would have to get a
passport which has various difficulties assoicated with it.

And the house is halfway renovated and my sister (who moved
in with me after Ann left) would lynch me if I left her in
the lurch with it to go running around the world, and there
is too much at work that would get in trouble if I disappeared
for a few weeks.


> 2. Are you OK financially? Well off, middling comfortable,
> hurtin a bit, screwed?

Hurting a bit because of endless impingments this year, but
normally middlingly comfortable. I have a base salary of
95K plus extras and work short hours in walking distance of
my house.


> 3. Have you yet submitted "Self Clearing" for professional
> publication? SuperScieo?

Tried about two years ago with no luck.

If I get in good shape, I'll write an easier beginners book
and try to publish that without putting it on the web.

Once something flys, then the others will be easy.


> 4. How are you as a speaker? On a scale that goes from dull
> as dung to captivatingly charismatic?

Usually charismatic. But of course my current tone might
drag me down.


> 5. Is all "Pilot Stuff" on hold?

I do write up stuff and email it to a small private list
(including **** and a few others) so that it will not get
lost.

There is too much case charge and too many chances of mistakes,
so its not going to the newsgroup.

If I get into good shape, I'll review and rewrite. If, on
the other hand, I die or something, **** and company have
my ok to post it all in its over-chared screwed up form so
that the next researcher will have some sort of chance.

I call those the archives from hell. Its up to about half
a megabyte. This email is mild compared to some of the rants
that are in it.


> 6. Have you no agreeable companionship AT ALL or "just" no
> agreeable female companionship.

No agreeable female companionship.

The LA freezone is loaded with guys.

I suspect that unattached guys are a lot braver about ignoring
the CofS than the females are.


> 7. Are you still doing programming and, if so, how's that
> coming along?

As above.


> 8. Got a picture?

Not at the moment. I'm 6'1", hazel eyes, brown hair, slim,
glasses, mustach, pony tail . The only real outpoint is bad
teeth, which I'm going to have to do something about eventually.


So that's the story. Know any available freezone girls?

I've decided to trust you, so I'm shifting you over to my
confidential email account which is ****.
I use the other one (truthseeker7) as a filter.


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

31. third message

 

[Ralph Hilton]

Re: Pilot's archive from Hell Part 2

Oct 5, 2000


> Seems you've put in a lot of hours on this to little
> avail. THAT must be frustrating as all hell!

Yes. That leaves me feeling like the tech doesn't work.
Obviously untrue, and I've made significant gains on the
fringes of this area while running it, but the rock solid
stuck point gives the feeling of no-change and no-gains.

That is another reason I don't talk on the net right now.
I no longer have the certainty.


> I know that when I'm "in the soup" (often) the very last
> thing I want to do is process. I don't want to do it solo
> and I don't want to do it with someone else.

Actually, processing is the first thing that I try. Usually
I have great confidence in its workability so I simply ignore
how I feel and dive in expecting that everything will change
for the better if I face up to whatever is there.

The intensive solo I did in December was done with this
attitude. I totally expected that the stops would drop
away and that there would be girls falling out of the woodwork
afterwards, maybe with a slight comm lag for the physical
universe to re-orient. In other words, I pretty much knew
the ideal scene that you were describing last time and
expected the processing to lead me there.

The failure of the tech to get me through it was a terrible
disappointment and had just as bad an effect on my case as
the absense of a 2D.

Basically it became the make-break point of whether or not
the tech only worked subjectively (make you feel better about
your disabilities) or worked objectively (bring about real
change in the real world). You can always get some change in
the real world by making somebody feel better because they
act better. This is the psychological view. But from that
frame of reference, all things are NOT possible and one must
adapt to one's environment and limitations. But the idea of
true theta interaction bringing about objective changes makes
all things possible.

And so for me, the entire question of whether or not we are
only practicing an advanced psychology or do we have a true
metaphysics moving in the direction of OT is hinging on
whether or not I can pull in a 2D.

And that puts the extra spin on it that if I start feeling
better and a 2D doesn't show up, then we have lost utterly,
and so I can't sit in such a win. Or rather, I can let a
few days go by because there are comm lags, but after that
I start feeling that we are trapped and human and begin to
spin again.

With finding jobs, the few times I have been totally stopped
and charged up, when the stops blew, some sort of impossibly
good opportunity showed up out of the blue within about 2 days,
so I know that impossible serendipity shows up that fast.

My efforts to be more socially connected and attractive are
a bit of a concession, but it could still be a win on the
basis of improving the odds and reducing comm lag. It would
not give me the tech certainty that I would get from a phone
call out of the blue, but I can have gradient wins and work
forward from there.


> Getting back to your situation, it could be that there is
> something particularly resistive here -- something unexpected
> and very far from "simple."

True. I've already run into stuff orders of magnitude beyond
normal processing.

Occasionally I crash into basic areas on ARC, admiration, and
co-creation. Stuff way before home universe and prior to bodies
or sex as we know it.

> Of course, if you manage (in spite of all) to arrange things
> so that you're getting all the sex you want, then the "problem"
> may be postponed until the next "dry spell."

I'm not stupid.

As soon as the immediate needs are handled, I would process
the hell out of this area and make sure that I'm proofed up
against this happening again.

There is a speed difference of ten or even a hundred to one
in running an area that is not desperate rather than handling
something that must be solved.

I do think that a deep resolution requires running other
non-2D things as well so as to reach an adequate level of
depth, but right now when I try to run much that is not
in the 2D area, it begins to bypass all the endless charge
that is keyed in on this.

> When the (thing) keys in, is there a mass?

It is an inversion, a vacume, a not-there. Things fall into
it or bounce away to avoid falling in.

Actually I've managed to pick up a few of these "vacumes"
and eventually tease a stuck picture out. And it will be
some fantastic and terrible loss.


> Secret -- sure. Curious as to why. Isn't T.T. the one
> setting up the FreeZone AO? Is it that you don't want
> to be thought associated with that project?

Actually I don't mind being associated with the project,
people might well think that I'm supporting it from a distance,
but I don't want OSA to realize how close together ****
and I are and how often they can find us in the same place.
That is a new event (we only met this year) and they might
not realize that we can often be found together.

> Have avoided LA (like the plague, to coin a phrase)

That is one of the big problems.

> Do they have a workable tech or is it "all philosophy?"
> Anything surprising and useful?

Yes. But they not-is negatives, so all drills are in an
orientation of positive thinking, but very OT.

The universal god-mind is a unity, is all one, and each of
us is it in a fragmented form, so that you can think for
god just as well as anyone else.

And that universal mind is unchanging and therefore is
basically a static, in other words, they have axiom one.
In fact, they have better logic behind the idea than we
do.

Holmes (who wore the science of mind book in the twenties)
likes to use terms like livingness and willingness etc.,
so there is an obvious connection to LRH's early writings.

But they can spin on an inability to handle negatives, they
just cast them out as not being of god and don't run out the
charge.

They have a triangle which consists of Mind and a doingness
mechanism that they call spirit which brings about reality
(without thinking about it) and the product or havingness
which is the physical reality that results. They believe
that anyone can "think" for this mind and therefore inject
an idea into the spirit which brings about reality.

> I see no reason off hand why males should become
> disproportionatly disaffected so there should be nearly
> as many FreeZone women as men.

Practically speaking, this is not true in the LA area. Almost
all freezoners are male. **** currently has five regular
PCs and all are male.

I think that females are as often disaffected as males, but
when they become disaffected, they are less willing to face
the dangers of the freezone and they are perhapse more disillusioned
about Scn (because the orgs are currently so viscious) and
therefore they go all the way out instead of into the freezone
(unless they have a 2D to help them face up to CofS).

Therefore the gap is in unattached females. Apparently they
just don't become freezoners.

There are lots of older female auditors in the freezone,
mostly attached to 2Ds but sometimes without. It was a different
atomosphere in the sixties and the old timers had strength.
And so there is a balance. But not among the newer crowd.

> That's quite a bundle of stuff all balled up together:
> 1. BPC on fringe Scientologists cowering from CofS
> 2. nobody around (me)
> 3. everyone hiding
> 4. endless upset on there being no real 2D
> 5. just about ready to kill verybody in sight
> 6. feeling suicidal
>
> Do I have it right that 1-6 more or less turns on when you
> try to wear your "Pilot" hat?

Yes except for number 5 which is just an expression of the
magnitude of charge rather than a true statment.

> 1. What are the chances that one or more of these four
> phrases are "command phrases" or "fixed ideas"?

Not likely. I'm good at spotting those and actually there
was a command phrase "it all keys in again" that I was
saying privately earlier this year and I managed to spot
where it came from, so I figure that I would on these if
they had a source like that.

> 2. How many times have you "tried this before" (and what
> exactly did you try)?

I was referring specifically to trying to start writing or
reforming again.

I don't want to bother going into details, but there have
been a number of times this year when I felt inspired into
writing again and tried to start and ran into the same mess
of charge that I described above.

> 3. Did it always go EXACTLY "this way" (1-6 above) or
> were there significant differences?

Points 1 to 3 are a unit seen from different angles. It might
manifest as a feeling of abandonment or of being alone or of
everyone else being afraid or whatever.

Point 4 is an absolute and always appears and permeates
everything whether or not I'm even interested in Scn or
anything else. It is not tied to the reform effort, it is
just always there.

Point 6 only shows up when point 1-3 and point 4 are at maximum.
Really it requires a little bit more than point 1-3, which
is a feeling that the tech is hopeless.

The combination of tech hopelessness and 2D hopelessness
concurrently brings about a suicidal feeling. That turns
on late in the keyin and therefore is a side effect rather
than a stimulous-response basic.

> Um, I think I recall you got arrested for something or other
> a while back -- that what you're refering to here?

Not really. I did get arrested for drunk driving back in
February (really added charge and stops to everything) but
the consequences of that are over and done with.

That did put more stops in the way of getting a passport,
but that was not the basic trouble. I have difficulties
with the birth certificate etc. and it can be handled but
there is lots of time and government annoyance beyond what
would usually be required. One of these days I'll get it
done, but I'm not in the mood to face that bureaucratic
nightmare right now.

> I've been getting $65/hr. which would be well over 100K if
> I actually worked 2000 hrs in a year. Normally I expect I only
> work about 1500 hrs. My ideal position is one where I can bag
> my full rate and work from any location I want.

I was getting 75/hr steadily about ten years ago. The real world
is that 100K is just as good because of holidays and free time
and learning time and not having to pay self employment tax etc.

- snip -.

Working with processing is a big benifit beyond the financial
because it contributes to one's own case gain. Obviously I've
done a lot for free and yet consider myself lucky to have done
that (eg. writing self-clearing or doing free assists on
someone etc.).

> Consider a "Print on Demand" publisher?

When it gets printed, it should be done right. Meanwhile its
available to any who look and desire it, so it is at maximum
for the non-mass market. Any other shallow publishing would
just get in the way of real mass-marketing later.


> When you get this 2D sit handled, and were it financially
> possible, would you be up for "being The Pilot" full time or
> do you see it as a hat you're only willing to don occasionally?

I'd love wearing the hat full time.

Or rather, I like to write, so that would be a desirable full
time job. My ideal scene would probably be a bit of humor
writing and some fiction occasionally plus lots of Pilot type
writing. That way I'd stay broad in scope.

And I wouldn't really care whether the finances were handled
by Pilot stuff or writing fiction, I'd probablly do both anyway.
The real trouble is that I need the 100K level as a constant
just to stay afloat.

I do have some sci-fi novels and some movie screen play
treatments out there, so maybe I'll end up as a full time
writer eventually.

> If it's not super top secret, I'd like to see those
> "archieves from hell." Apart from my general interest in
> about anything you have to say, it might at least keep me
> from "C/Sing" stuff you've already tried. <grin>

All right. But it is kind of top secret. The general consensus
of the private group (which does include **** by the way), is
that it might do more harm than good to publish right now.

I'll try and send them to you today or tomorrow.

> 1. If the teeth are bad enough that you tend to repress
> your smile or alter it so that your teeth don't show, then
> raise the priority on fixing that. BIG TIME turn off.

Yes, my worst physical problem. The priority is high, but the
difficulty is high too.

It cuts the pool of availables. And yet I do get girls who
aren't affected by it.

And the big case oriented bouncing was happening back when
I was alone briefly around 1980 and at that time all my teeth
were good, so I know that it is just a contributing factor
rather than the real why.

As a general assessment, there are more girls who avoid me
because of the smoking than there are who avoid me because of
the teeth.

But if there are twenty girls, then there will be at least
one who likes me and smokes (or doesn't care) and who also
doesn't mind the teeth either. Unless I'm bouncing them away.
And if I'm in a really keyed out state, then they ignore
the smokes and the teeth and are facinated anyway, and that
mood seems to give about 4 in 20.


> In the long run, you might be better off keeping the tail --
> you'd only be dealing with those who can handle the modest
> unconventionality -- it might act as a filter; in the short
> run, though, your pool of, um, candidates will likely be
> larger without it.

I only went that way this year, and it did seem to help rather
than hinder. Probably any that are turned off by pony tails
are also turned off by other non-conventional stuff about me,
so it doesn't reduce the real candidates and it makes at least
a few of the potential ones happier. I've gotten compliments
and no invals on it, so I'm leaving it. But I did cut it short
and get a pro haircut under it recently so that it looks
stylish rather than hippie.

> c.) Probably unemployed (anti-establishment, don't cha know?)

With a suit jacket, it makes me look like what I am, a highly
paid guru who can say fuck you to any employer. If anything,
I look a bit too establishment even with the pony tail.

> Oh -- just remembered I wanted to ask you if you were at
> the NY Org around June of 1970.

At some point in mid 1970 I was blown, and then I got back
on staff as cramming officer. I'm a bit uncertain as to the
exact dates. So maybe or maybe not as far as June goes.


> Most guys don't manage to get laid anywhere near nightly
> in a long term relationship.

That is generally the guy's choice or due to their MUs.

Once in a relationship, girls generally want sex more than
the guys do. All the stops and considerations are removed
by the fact that they are already sleeping with the guy.

Just as guys talk about how many different girls they have
had, girls talk amoung themselves about how often their
husband or boyfriend is screwing them as a matter of pride.

If you have the nerve and stamina, just explain to a 2D
that you find it a turn on if they reach for you occasionally
and you will never have a night of peace thereafter as long
as you never refuse them when they do reach. Of course you
must still reach at least as often as the girl or she will
start worrying about whether or not she is a turn on.

This is true even if you are a lousy lover and not producing
orgasms (based on my early experience before I knew what
the hell I was doing). And I'm not macho or particularly
well endowed either.

Just never ignore it if she even twitches at you.

They count freequency with one terminal the way guys count
the quantity of different terminals.

The standard female complaint is that their husband or lover
is not screwing them often enough. Or that they don't go
long enough, and high freequency ensures that you take longer.

The primary exception is a big ARC break. Or if they think
that you don't want them and are performing mechanically.

Once past the point of getting a girl into bed, it all
becomes a simple matter of hating or drilling and anyone
can learn to be fantastic. A lot of Scn girls would have
a book on how to screw effectively and push it at you once
they were sleeping with you (there was one called "Sexual
Mastery" that has my highest recommendations. Unfortunately
I don't have a copy and don't remember who it was by).


Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++


Oct 16, 2000

Hi,

33. ON THE ARCHIVE ETC.


> I had thought to await the "archive from hell" before
> responding to this note but I see it has now been almost
> a week since you wrote; if I delay were to delay longer
> I fear anything I wrote might be kinda "stale dated."

Sorry. There was a little work involved and I got distracted
and didn't get back to it.

Because of using OS/2 and an old Netscape, I get some problems
from excite and one of them is the inability to paste anything
over 64K (like that archive).

Rather than try and fix it, I just use a homebrew hack to
zap the file into your mail server with forged headers (it
didn't really come from anywhere), but that did mean a few minutes
of work.

I haven't sent #2 yet. I need to do a global change on peoples
names to code letters. Hopefully I'll get to it next week.

And I need to put together a #3 with the last month's stuff
(which I should do anyway).

If we keep this up, I probably need to get you added to the
secret list and probably should include our dialogue in
the next secret archive. (let me know).


> > And so for me, the entire question of whether or
> > not we are only practicing an advanced psychology
> > or do we have a true metaphysics moving in the
> > direction of OT is hinging on whether or not I can
> > pull in a 2D.
>
> Well -- the troubling thing about this is that it's almost
> plausible. <grin> Or it would be if you were a competent
> research scientist and were conducting double blind
> experiments or whatever. It might actually be possible
> to (objectively) resolve that issue.
>
> But I doubt that you have those "quals" -- certainly I do
> not. Instead, this sounds suspiciously like a variant of
> the good ol' "hidden standard." With a twist, certainly.
>
> It would be absurd, I'm sure you'll agree, for someone to
> announce, "I know Scientology doesn't work because it didn't
> cure my lumbosis!" Well, we can be pretty sure that, in
> fact, Scientology didn't (yet anyway) cure his lumbosis;
> any generalizations beyond that though are invalid.
>
> Similarly, N attempts to "pull in" a 2D from auditing (and
> N failures) cannot demonstrate that Scientology has an
> invalid metaphysics and is "only" a psychological therapy.
> I feel pretty sure that, deep down, anyway, you know this.
>
> First, the proposition discounts all other people's
> experience and, while it's much easier to rely only on
> one's own experience in these matters, to simply discount
> the experience of others remains a trifle arrogant. Second,
> for any value of N, it is always at least possible that the
> N + 1 attempt would succeed. Unfortunately, even success
> would not prove that Scientology has a workable metaphysics
> since it would always be possible that "pulling in" a 2D
> would have happened at that place and time regardless of
> any prior auditing.
>
> When we can take, say, twenty people, process them, and get
> twenty out of twenty who can "move the marble" at will or
> even read the cards -- then, perhaps, we've got something
> vergeing on real proof. Particularly if these were people
> with no slightest prior signs of any such ability. Even
> that wouldn't truly validate the metaphysics so much as the
> specific processes used.
>
> I mean, hey! If you really want to check out the
> metaphysics issue, try to get back that "OT" ability
> to move the cigarette pack. Really, that's not something
> that EVER happens just by itself. <grin>

Of course you are right about the "hidden standard" aspect,
except that it is not hidden, so we have something slightly
different that we do not have the anatomy of.

I talked about that at some point in the archives.

The homeless guy who is starving and living in a box and
needs a job might well be looking at that fact when you
process him. I don't think that we can blame some SP
for reminding him that he is still living in a box when
he really is.

Of course it is not a proper double blind experiment.

The trouble is that I have lost confidence in the tech
and therefore will not personally talk about it to any
great degree on the net until I know better how things
really work. That is ego-centric, and of course I keep
my mouth shut and don't invalidate other's efforts while
I'm in my own little spin. Maybe someone else can pull
the rabbit out of the hat.

I was simply saying that for me personally, nothing is
going anywhere until I'm off this stuck point. And I
wouldn't get off the stuck point on accepting that I
am totally undesirable as a being because it leads to
disconnecting from everybody. And I wouldn't get off
of it on some fucking illusion that I can have what
I obviously don't have.

I also discussed the PTS business in the archive (it's
obvious). It seems like type 3 to the environment where
the environmental aspect is no-sex or 2D or real prospect
for same. If that changed in the environment I would de-PTS,
but going somewhere quiet would just make me more PTS (unless
the quiet environment was loaded with quiet girls).


> > With finding jobs, the few times I have been totally
> > stopped and charged up, when the stops blew, some sort
> > of impossibly good opportunity showed up out of the blue
> > within about 2 days, so I know that impossible serendipity
> > shows up that fast.
>
> Alan calls it "The Gold Zone." That sure is nice. But, as
> I told him, that ain't OT -- that's just magic. (In the
> sense of a technology you don't really understand or know
> how to control.)
>
> I your situation, now, I'd call it real OT shit where, if
> you want a lady, you just mock up what you're interested in
> (and if you've REALLY got it, you'd just make it more solid
> until she was there), then scan the area for the closest
> acceptable match, go where she was, put out a comm-line, and
> let "love at first sight" happen. Oh! I want it!

Simply good luck and helpfull co-incidences in areas where
one can make a postulate stick. Without that, all we are
getting is psychological gains because we do not affect the
real world but only what he thinks about it.


> > My efforts to be more socially connected and attractive are
> > a bit of a concession, but it could still be a win on the
> > basis of improving the odds and reducing comm lag. It would
> > not give me the tech certainty that I would get from a phone
> > call out of the blue, but I can have gradient wins and work
> > forward from there.
>
> Hm. Some auditor. Let the PC (Pre Conubile?) have her
> comm-lag -- whatever it is. Actually, in this instance I
> guess it's in some strange sense, your comm-lag in getting
> the PU to respond. But it is whatever it is. Once you know
> what it is, you can work on reducing it perhaps. On the
> other hand, perhaps, since you're engaging another thetan,
> it IS in fact HER comm-lag. Something to think about.

If you postulate that a pizza is to be delivered, and the
postulate acts instantly, does the pizzaman appear at your
door or do you wait the usual delivery time?

I think that usually you wait for the normal delivery time
unless you do something additional to reduce that as well.


> You might also try spotting and moving your body to the
> spot. Or lay on a comm-line and make a "date" to be in a
> particular public place at a particular time. Play with it.
>
> I just don't know about this expecting a call out of the
> blue. SURE for work. But social? I'm tellin' you --
> doesn't matter how strong an urge I might have to dial a
> particular string of digits, I'd be very unlikely to do it.
> I can see it now: "Um, hello, my name is**** and I
> have no idea why I dialed your number but I just really felt
> like I should. Do YOU have any idea why I'm calling you?"
> Ain't happening. Now, I realize I'm discounting socalled
> "mis-dials" but how likely are you to try to engage a female
> who "dialed the wrong number" in an extended conversation?

Remember how visible I am on the net. I do get phone calls
out of the blue occasionally. And letters. And emails (such
as the first one from you). But mostly from guys unfortunately,
and generally not 2D related.

But the mess with "TF8" that is described in the archives,
began with a phone call out of the blue, so these things
do occur when one is well enough known.


> So, you put out a scan for a match, set a date and go to a
> club or whatever at the appointed time.
> You scan the room for the match and wait until she comes in
> if not already present. You go over to her and say, "Hi.
> My name is Ken. I put out a "psychic" call for someone to
> show up tonight who would be a really enjoy being with me
> and I sense you're the one. On the other hand, if this
> sounds completely bizarre, I'm probably mistaken." At
> mimimum you should get credit for having one of the more
> original "pick-up" lines.


The pickup line is really good. Maybe I'll try it.

As far as the postulate and then scanning, I've tried that
already a few times. It usually turns on somatics. Sick
feelings in my gut. Black holes (vacumes) that drag me in.

Sometimes it seems like I do get my head above the surface
occasionally and make a postulate stick and that causes
some psychic attack to be launched against me. But maybe
I'm just dubbing this in.

> > > When the (thing) keys in, is there a mass?
> >
> > It is an inversion, a vacume, a not-there. Things fall into
> > it or bounce away to avoid falling in.
>
> Have you been able to determine whether the thing is your
> creation, your copy of another's creation, another's creation
> "borrowed" by you or willingly or unwillingly put in your space
> by another?

I suspect that it is mine and is the remnamt of old losses
not-ised.

> Is there a temperature?

Super cold. Like absolute zero.

> Is there any distinction between the things that "fall in"
> and the things that "bounce away"?

No. Most bounce.

> By "to avoid falling in" you seem to imply a measure of
> volition -- are these some kind of life units?

Bad terminology on my part.

I'm mostly talking about other people and their mockups here.
Including thoughts etc. as well as physical bodies (well, the
bodies don't actually disappear down a hole).


> > Actually I've managed to pick up a few of these "vacumes"
> > and eventually tease a stuck picture out. And it will be
> > some fantastic and terrible loss.
>
> I can sure see how 2D, loss of 2D, and loss generally are
> tied together. Are you suggesting that the "vacumes" are
> basicly a trashcan for secondaries? Or is there more to it
> than that?

I'm suggesting that super bad secondaries get heavily not-ised
and end up as vacumes.


> When you lose a 2D, a friend, a parent, whatever, do you
> grieve significantly or "take it all in stride?" In
> particular, do you cry? Shed tears, get a snotty nose --
> all the "good" stuff?

Normally take it all in stride.

But I can cry or feel grief without a lot of suppress. So
I think that the usual low grief reaction in this lifetime
is due to confront rather than suppress.

It is older stuff that has the big grief on it. And it is
damn hard to reach.

> I was trying to work out WHY there should be this key-in
> associated with loss on the 2D when you get to workin on
> Pilot stuff. Of course, that's technically, I guess, a
> listing question. But it seemed worth speculating on and I
> kinda had it figured that there might be something going on
> like Scn -> reform -> no help -> no bodies -> no pool of
> 2D -> I'm fucked (or rather, not fucked.) And it seemed
> you'd kindof implied as much.

That does seem to be there.

> But, on reflection, there might be a simpler link.
>
> For me, at least, it would be most apt to characterise my
> association with Scn as a love affair. I "fell in love,"
> dedicated myself, wanted to preserve the relationship,
> pretended not to see "her" warts, wanted to help her
> improve, gradually tried to spend less time with her,
> eventually realized that she'd turned into a real bitch,
> walked away. And cried. And still do when I let myself
> consider it. Damn. She seemed so fuckin' perfect!
>
> RIGHT on the whole "loss of love" chain. For me.

A bit true for me too. But the earlier statement indicated
more.


> > I do have some sci-fi novels and some movie screen play
> > treatments out there, so maybe I'll end up as a full time
> > writer eventually.
>
> Now, here I am an expert. I once calculated that my
> life-time reading average was about a book a day -- much of
> that, by far the most of it was science-fiction. I BEG you
> to let me read your novels. I can't find enough (worth
> reading) to maintain my habit. In return, if you like, I
> can almost certainly tell you right off whether they are
> submittable "as is" or if they need further work. If I say
> they need more work, it's possible I'm wrong -- there's
> quite a bit that does get published that I would have said
> "needs more work." <grin> On the other hand, if I say it's
> submitable, I'm almost surely right.
>
> (I did act as an amature agent/editor for a friend of mine
> some years ago and got her book published by Prentice-Hall.)

I'll see if I can get around to sending you one of the novels.

Probably easiest if I just save as text (unformatted) because
they're up under a very old version of Word.

Did you read the novallette I posted around Christmas ("Growing
Up Telepathically").

> > Yes, my worst physical problem. The priority is high, but
> > the difficulty is high too. [refering to teeth]
>
> Difficulty. Are we talking money, pain, logistics, or what?

All of the above. In quantity.


> Well shit -- sounds like you're gettin' 'em -- you
> just ain't keepin' 'em.

Ain't sleeping with 'em either or maybe I would adapt and
just treat it all as a gradient.

Instead I get annoying things like a girl who will just about
feel me up on the dance floor (or under the table in the
coffee shop) and uses me to get really turned on and then goes
home and screws her male roommate who she doesn't even go out
with but just uses as a safe dick.

Nowardays I consider it a big win if a girl just gives me a
hug or a kiss. Used to be continual and not a big deal in
the old days.


Best,

Ken

++++++++++++++++++++++++

34. another message to ****


Oct 17, 2000

Hi,

=========

Your message Friday "Re: THE ARCHIVE FROM HELL"


> Lord ha' mercy! "The Archive from Hell" appears to
> be aptly named. That is QUITE a rollercoaster ride!
> I feel like I now have a much better view of the "big
> picture."

The tone level in part 2 is a bit better. Running that
SDH thing did make a big difference.

> I wonder if you've read anything by John Dalmas (aka
> John Jones). He, and his mentor, Rod Martin, were the
> first I ever heard mention the "reality as video-game"
> hypothesis.

Originated in Daniel Garoyl's (spelling?) Simalculron-3 back
around 1960.

It was filmed recently as "The 13th Floor" and just hit
cable TV.

Dalmas and another guy launched a Sci Fi magazine (which
failed) back around 1980. His partner was in the same
apartment building as I was living in at the time (on
Edgemont St. a few blocks from the complex) and we had
a number of good conversations about sci-fi.

Dalmas's first published novel was "The Varkus Conspirisy"
and obviously was loaded with Scn. But I didn't care for
it, nor his other stuff, which all struck me as shallow
and reused ideas. But I'm old and jaded and his writing
just wasn't holding my attention.

Another interesting source on this line was a hilarious
humor writup floating around in the computer industry
around 1978 about IBM releasing "Virtual Universe" where
you could demand page your own planets, suns, and galaxies
in and out of the real universe. This was in response
to the actual release of IBM's Virtual Machine Facility
which was an upgrade of the simpler Virtual Memory idea
that came out around 1970.

> On ability to mock up being 1/10 what it was since
> Ann left.

I think that this is primarily due to havingness being
low and also to it being cut down by self-inval.

> Any chance you were using Ann (and maybe prior 2Ds) as
> some kind of amplifier or co-creator or focused 2D
> energys somehow? Looking for something possibly
> mechanistic here.

Actually I think that this is true, but more on the ability
to make real world postulates stick rather than on the
solidity of my mockups.

I do think that there is a mechanical factor here of
almost automatic agreement helping with pushing something
out into the group agreement.

Got it about the commonalities etc.

========

And later Friday "Re: ON THE ARCHIVE ETC."

> After reading the archive, it's pretty clear that I've
> been treading a well walked path with some of this stuff.
> Have to thank you for your patience with me.

Sure.

> "Seriousness = Mass"

Yes, an excellent statement.

It might have been NY org, I almost remember seeing something
like this.

> My current understanding of postulate making is:
>
> 1. They should be light, because
> 2. There should be no counter-intention (and a "heavy"
> postulate would imply the expectation of resistance =
> counter-intended by self.)
> 3. They should be made "as if" the intended result exists
> now, in PT. ("I have a pizza" not "I will have a pizza"
> for instance)
> 4. A "postulate" is a fairly minor "player improvization"
> within a larger, loosely scripted game that has room for
> LOTS of improvization.
> 5. They work best when they can be easily accepted by all
> other players and don't cause anyone else to make a major
> revision of their personal "script."
> 6. Major interventions are handled differently.

Yes, I agree.

Actually, this pretty much matches what I picked up in my teens
before getting into Scn., and I think that my family mostly
got it from Science of Mind which also pretty much follows
this set of rules (they have a specific pattern which also
includes placing the intention into the all pervasive universal
mind).

> Certainly didn't know that your phone number was widely known.

It's not, but I'm the only Ken Ogger in the USA (or on the
planet I think, its a rare name) and you can pull up my phone
number easily via yahoo.

> Are you still officially "out of comm" with her?

Yes, but she remains on the secret list and gets the messages
and has not asked to be removed. God knows what is going on
with her case on 2D now, but she is certainly back in ****,
her visa would have run out in August.

> You've made it clear that a great deal of the time (recently)
> you do not like yourself. When you're feeling like that, it
> would almost certainly feel like an overt to try to "pull"
> someone into association with you.

I'm pretty much always capable of overriding my mental state
and thinking anything about anything on a temporary basis.

So I can hold a favorable attitude for a short while when I'm
trying to pull someone in or going to a dance club or whatever.

Also, when I am really low or stuck in a bad attitude, I never
make postulates or irrevokable decisions.

> You might investigate the possibility that the somatics and
> other manifestations are some kind of "anti-overt" mechanism
> you've set up to enforce your "good-guy" status.

I don't think so because I usually catch things like that (too
obvious).

> But so long as psychic attack remains the best explanation
> for events, and the "least hypothesis" it probably should
> remain the "working" hypothesis.

I consider it to be one of a number of working hyposthesis.

I shift around between the various possibilities.

If the trap should fall apart while playing around with this
one, then it is it, otherwise we will see.

Certainly I try various defensive tricks, one of the best of
which is mirror shielding (reflecting the attack back).

If one day we find out that some girl really did try to
suicide at Gold early this year, then the physical version
(Buckwhupistan) of the psychic attack hypothesis is pretty
much proven.

> Let's look at this "vacume" thing for a minute...

See the stuff in the archives.

There is a mention of vacumes around 1957 or so in the Tech
Volumes, although Ron didn't connect it with loss, but he
was finding that feeling of super cooled and sucking things
in. I don't think that he ever got anywhere with really
handling them.

> I'm saying stuff here that I would never dream of saying
> to a PC "in session."

No problem, and I was interested to hear your take on it
even though it didn't indicate in this case.

> Next time you run across ...

Actually I tried a lot of the things you suggested. Best
was to sort of get the idea that there was in imploded
picture in the center and to flip it outwards (see the
archive).

> [ Only one minor flaw. It was not immediately clear
> whether the opening paragraphs were being related in third
> person or first. After a bit, it was clear the story was
> being told in first-person. Use of "I" in some early sentence
> would solve that.]

A legacy of its being part 2 of the novel "Flying is Forever".
But this one is halfway through a rewrite (I rewrote part 2
first to create the novallette and then started rewriting the
rest of it and never finished).

So I'll send you the other novel, "Alien Domination" instead.
That one already went through a rewrite a number of years ago.

> Bum. Have you tried "laying down the law?"

Yes. I laid down the law. Then a few weeks later I turned
her on anyway (a gentle carasse while saying hello) and danced
once and then backed off. Subsequently have been playing
reach and withdraw games occasionally. Good for my ego.
She laughs and says I'm getting even with her. She plays
reach and withdraw too. We bump into each other at the dance
club sometimes. We also email occasionally. She is on the
board of directors of a ****.

Best,

Ken aka The Pilot


++++++++++++++++++++++++

END OF ARCHIVE

++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

[BunnySkull]

So sad. I actually only read about 10% so far, the Scientology gobbledygook makes it difficult reading and is also what is driving this poor soul so crazy. He was obviously terribly introverted from all the processing/auditing he was obsessed with so he couldn't just see his problem as being a lonely, sexually frustrated man dealing with clinical depression. Nope, the tech had to turn that not to uncommon state into "implants" and restimulation and endless focus on dissecting it via the tech until he literally drive himself to suicide over it.

From all I've read about Ken, and his own writings, you could easily ascribe Scientology as an accomplice to murder in his case. It's was like the drain in a tub ceaselessly pulling him down the spiral and preventing him from getting real help. (Nothing like forcing a depressed, lonely person to unceasingly isolate and concentrate on their loneliness, sexual frustration and depression - when fresh air, human contact, and activities that extrovert you and prevent you from endlessly concentrating/stewing on your unhappiness is the best way to go.

 

[AnonLover]

I have no words for this.

 

[Ogsonofgroo]

I didn't stay exclusively with 5th invader the
entire time. There is bouncing around in the
various groups (4th invader, espinol, even being
a Marcabian and spying on them) and I even escaped
to the Magic Universe briefly, and I hardly have
it sorted out - its a huge 12,000 year period with
lots of change and variation, but I think that I
was more 5th invader than not.

Hoo-boy! Me are thinkin' that he never left 'the Magic Universe'..... just plain wow...

 

[lotus]

So sad. I actually only read about 10% so far, the Scientology gobbledygook makes it difficult reading and is also what is driving this poor soul so crazy. He was obviously terribly introverted from all the processing/auditing he was obsessed with so he couldn't just see his problem as being a lonely, sexually frustrated man dealing with clinical depression. Nope, the tech had to turn that not to uncommon state into "implants" and restimulation and endless focus on dissecting it via the tech until he literally drive himself to suicide over it.

I also only read this first record and did not go further
Very painfull to read
Reminds me few people I knew who went though such ''deep introversion and signification with $scamology tech'' few day prior to a mental breakdown.

The bad news is that things like that suicide impulse are
not really errased. Its recent track and there's lots of
older postulates about removing myself from games or whatever
where I am either dangerous or unwanted. The good news is
that its in conscious view and I'm not liable to act
reactively without thinking.

Too weirdo for me - I can't understand that people feeling so bad are still going deeper into the mindfuck

On photographs, Ken look like a very good guy - he apperas to me a gentle soul!

While many of us warn people that doing $camology in or out the cult is dangerous - this is what we mean.
Ep= a tortured mind.

I only wish he found relief and his way out of suffering - peace!

While reading I had a strong impression of evil bringing a good soul into the darkness (dark cloud)
Am I alone ???

 

[Hatshepsut]

I have no words for this.

Possessed is the word crossing my mind. I read the painful lot of it. Thanks Ralph

I confess that I did enjoy some of the sci fi but the sex part was an outright CURSE!

 

[RogerB]

I read a reasonable amount of it and shuddered at what I was reading from the first.

It is a simple sad parade of lots of wrong answers, wrong think, wrong what's and wrong why's.

One of the things I have long observed is that there are the "doers" and then there are the "thinkers."

The doers perform in both the real and spiritual worlds, and the thinkers spin in on/with all the significances that get stirred up but not discharged.

That is, the doers are more at cause over the energies they are dealing with while the thinkers are more effect of it . . . certainly the thinkers are limited to within their presumed terms of reference whereas the doers often relate to and embrace newer and exterior terms of reference they encounter due to their action level.

Rog

 

[phenomanon]

I read a reasonable amount of it and shuddered at what I was reading from the first.

It is a simple sad parade of lots of wrong answers, wrong think, wrong what's and wrong why's.

One of the things I have long observed is that there are the "doers" and then there are the "thinkers."

The doers perform in both the real and spiritual worlds, and the thinkers spin in on/with all the significances that get stirred up but not discharged.

That is, the doers are more at cause over the energies they are dealing with while the thinkers are more effect of it . . . certainly the thinkers are limited to within their presumed terms of reference whereas the doers often relate to and embrace newer and exterior terms of reference they encounter due to their action level.

Rog

Really sad to read this.

phenomanon aka challenge

 

[Ralph Hilton]

RogerB - I think you got it exactly. Ken was a significance case as LRH explained in C/S series 6. He C/Sed his own case into the significances with low confront of force and action. My answer to the critics who blame it on Scientology is to suggest that they beg, borrow or steal a few brain cells and make something better.

 

[uncover]

Reminds me of Zardoz:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zardoz

In the year AD 2293, a post-apocalyptic Earth is inhabited mostly by the Brutals, who are ruled by the Eternals. Eternals use other Brutals, called Exterminators, as the Chosen warrior class. The Exterminators worship the god Zardoz, a huge, flying, hollow stone head. Zardoz teaches:

The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was, but the gun shoots death, and purifies the Earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth ... and kill!

The stone head containing Zed returns to the Vortex, a secluded community of civilized beings, protected all around by an invisible force-field, where the immortal Eternals lead a pleasant but ultimately stifling existence.
.....
In time, Zed learns the nature of the Vortex. The Eternals are overseen and protected from death by the Tabernacle, an artificial intelligence. Given their limitless lifespan, the Eternals have grown bored and corrupt. The needlessness of procreation has rendered the men impotent and meditation has replaced sleep. ..... To give time and life more meaning the Vortex developed complex social rules whose violators are punished with artificial aging. The most extreme offenders are condemned to permanent old age and the status of "Renegades". But any Eternals who somehow manage to die, usually through some fatal accident, are almost immediately reborn into another healthy, synthetically reproduced body that is identical to the one they just lost.

At the end:

Zed helps the Exterminators invade the Vortex and kill most of the Eternals - who welcome death as a release from their eternal but boring existence. Some few Eternals do escape the Vortex's destruction, heading out to radically new lives as fellow mortal beings among the Brutals.
.....

Zardoz was only a Sci-Fi-film, but the Pilot´s fate is a good example what happens to somebody who messes too much around with Hubbard´s worthless, introverting, paranoia Xenu-Marcab-BT-bullshit. Is that the EP you are looking for ?

No problem, there is enough space [STRIKE]in the Vortex[/STRIKE] at "target 2", good luck !

 

[Veda]

RogerB - I think you got it exactly. Ken was a significance case as LRH explained in C/S series 6. He C/Sed his own case into the significances with low confront of force and action. My answer to the critics who blame it on Scientology is to suggest that they beg, borrow or steal a few brain cells and make something better.

Speaking of significance cases, would you like to say anything about your research into the Pain and Sex implants? If you'd still rather not say anything, that's fine.

For those not familiar with this:

From a discussion over at Marty's blog from a whle back, titled "The Second Dynamic'. Wrote veteran FZ auditor, and FZ Opinion Leader, Ralph Hilton:

"Sex was heavily implanted using techniques which I won't post on this open forum... I know the issue 'Pain and Sex' was quite unpopular in some circles. Current society is quite dependent on procreation for its existence."

The post then asserted the importance of thoroughly completing both OT 2 and OT 3, in preparation, it would seem, for the eventual addressing of the Pain and Sex whole track implants.

In a more recent post on Marty's blog, just the other day, Heidrun Beer, who is advocating Clearbird's (actual) "GPM" (Actual [not implants] Goals, Problem, Mass) procedure, received a response from Ralph.

Ralph asserted that a Clear and an OT 2 completion would have no GPMs whatsoever, and that any problems would arise from:

"The two main things that aberrate people - pain and sex. LRH got considerable kick back from that."

Ralph adds:

"The fights and endless 'games' that go on in the FZ are not the result of GPMs, but something that needs to be addressed at a higher level."

_________​

And also, Ralph, one more item, regarding the "third wall of fire":

As you probably know, the 1980 OT 8 HCOB - the original "Truth Revealed" level (They kept the name, but dropped the HCOB) - where Hubbard reveals that he's fulfilling the role of Lucifer, and that the genetic make-up of humans needs to be modified - by way of freeing that genetic make up from the meddling of those implanters who exist outside the physical universe - has been confirmed as having been on both the Class VIII course (for a time) and also on the OT 8 course (for a time), until pulled by Miscavige; and it has been confirmed that it was written by Hubbard.

http://www.spaink.net/fishman/ot8b.html


Any comments on that, Ralph?

In your opinion, is the 1982 Pain and Sex HCOB related to the Lucifer 1980 outside-the-MEST-universe meddlers HCOB?

 

[I told you I was trouble]

I read a reasonable amount of it and shuddered at what I was reading from the first.

It is a simple sad parade of lots of wrong answers, wrong think, wrong what's and wrong why's.

One of the things I have long observed is that there are the "doers" and then there are the "thinkers."

The doers perform in both the real and spiritual worlds, and the thinkers spin in on/with all the significances that get stirred up but not discharged.

That is, the doers are more at cause over the energies they are dealing with while the thinkers are more effect of it . . . certainly the thinkers are limited to within their presumed terms of reference whereas the doers often relate to and embrace newer and exterior terms of reference they encounter due to their action level.

Rog

Only Doers and thinkers? I believe there must be a third thoroughly confused group who 'over think' and then do/talk/post far too much about this nonsense usually with a slight 'edge' that is intended to introvert/silence any disbelievers in the insane rantings of hubbard (or the many variations of it).

 

[Gib]

RogerB - I think you got it exactly. Ken was a significance case as LRH explained in C/S series 6. He C/Sed his own case into the significances with low confront of force and action. My answer to the critics who blame it on Scientology is to suggest that they beg, borrow or steal a few brain cells and make something better.

Don't you think LRH did the same. LOL