Scientology TV goes live tomorrow at 8 pm Eastern on app, DirecTV

Discussion in 'Tony Ortega' started by RSS Feed, Mar 11, 2018.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Perfect idea! So good that we can be perfectly assured that the COS will never, ever, ever have zero-proselytizing programming.

    If I was hired as the cult's programming director, my first show in production would be named:


    HEY! WE'RE SCIENTOLOGISTS
    AND WE'RE TOTALLY NORMAL!


    It would have a set just like THE TONIGHT SHOW with a big band that plays an uptone fanfare as the host MC (JEFF POMERANTZ) comes running in, laughing and booming his bouncy, smarmy, markabian-game-show-host-voice, as he announces:
    MC
    Hey! We're Scientologists! And we're totally normal!
    And you can see how normal we are because we
    talk and act just like normal people.
    The applause signs in the studio begin strobing and the entire audience (Scientologists in good standing, with above-center OCAs and ethics clearance) erupts into a standing ovation. They just keep standing and cheering a creepily extended time.​

    MC
    So, hey! Our first guest today is a totally normal person.
    And they are a Scientologist. But you'll notice by the way they
    talk and act when I bring them out, how normal they are! Really
    really normal, like--normal people. So, let's all give a big round of
    welcoming applause to the totally normal, normal-acting normal
    person who is a Scientologist, Michael Roberts!
    Roberts bounds out with a crazy fixed grin and zombie eyes, takes a seat.​

    ROBERTS
    Wow, thanks for having me on the show!

    MC
    Hey Michael, you look so....normal.
    What have you been up to lately?

    ROBERTS
    Well, that's a great question, Jeff. And my goodness
    you are sure are looking really normal yourself.

    MC
    Wow, thanks, I feel really normal!

    ROBERTS
    That's amazing, because I was just going to say that
    I have been feeling totally normal myself! And now
    that I am here on your show, I feel----super normal!

    MC
    I mean even though you are an upper level Scientologist
    i think our audience will agree that you really act and
    speak just like a normal person!​

    AUDIENCE LEAPS TO THEIR FEET FOR ANOTHER EXTENDED STANDING OVATION




     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2018
  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

    Yeah, LRH struggled with the same moral dilemma when authorizing the first Scientologists to read Section III OT.

    I think it has been clearly and scientifically established that both subject are highly restimulative.
     
  3. Bill

    Bill Silver Meritorious Patron

    This would be fantastic. But you need to remember that no Scientologists can ever be used in Scientology films, because they will inevitably leave and be declared. Going by the current standard, only non-Scientologists would be used for this.

    So, you will have non-Scientologists declaring "We're Scientologists". Can't wait.
     
  4. George Layton

    George Layton Silver Meritorious Patron

    That must also mean that no actor in a scientology film can ever become a scientologist because they will inevitably leave and be declared.
     
  5. Bill

    Bill Silver Meritorious Patron

    Let me think about that: Scientology recruitment films, exclusively using non-Scientologists, who will be contractually required to never become Scientologists ...

    Yeah, that should work really well.
     
  6. tesseract

    tesseract Patron with Horrors

    :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::biggrin::hysterical:

    [​IMG]
     

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  7. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher

    That's not a footbullet, it's a headshotbullet
     
  8. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    . . .
    Just turned on DIRECTV to check it out with my coffee and true dat,
    one of my channels is now SCNTV 24/7 with programming listed
    going forward forever. Many of the programs repeat, of course, but
    it's a whole smörgåsbord of everything under the sun.

    It's real folks. Sends a shiver down my spine as some people will be
    drawn in like I was when I was younger and very naive.

    PS: I'll be watching the Shelly expose at 5 pm, not this. Don't ring
    or PM me. :coolwink:

    PPS: Some info on what this might be costing them.

    For example, Newsmax, the conservative news channel, has openly admitted that it pays DIRECTV for its channel slot. The network is happy to pay to be in DIRECTV’s 21 million homes, an audience it otherwise would never be able to reach.
    Newsmax isn’t the only pay-to-play channel in DIRECTV’s lineup. While it hasn’t been publicly confirmed, Russia Today is another one. How else would the network that’s considered an arm of the Russian government find a spot in the lineup of America’s largest satellite TV service?
    Neither Scientology or AT&T have commented on the DIRECTV launch (other than to confirm it will happen), but the odds are overwhelming that the well-heeled religious group is paying a pretty penny to be in the satcaster’s lineup.
    If it is in HD, more than NewsMax.
    Source: TV Answer Man

    More speculation:

    But it also appears that they have reserved DirecTV infomercial channel 320 starting at 6 am on Monday, and are referring to it and a "launch" at 8 pm EST, on advertising and social media. I hope you'll be prepared to give an estimate of what it's costing them, whether they just do infomercial slots or take over a whole channel; I found figures suggesting a cost of about $12,500 per half hour, which theoretically translates to $600,000 per day, but I don't know whether that's really on the mark (it looked like DirectTV's overall advertising revenue per channel was about $300,000 per day, but of course that's including a lot of premium slots), or if leasing of a whole channel would be significantly discounted.

    Source: PeaceMaker comment on Tony's
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2018
  9. MacKenzie

    MacKenzie Patron with Honors

  10. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    Waiting to see how the Cult monetizes this.....

    I'm sure they'll ask for money somehow....
     
  11. MacKenzie

    MacKenzie Patron with Honors

  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Brilliant, LOL.

    I have given some thought about this inherent paradox---that Scientologists are the worst possible people to promote Scientology, because of the "NEPB" factor (ninety-eight percent blow factor).

    The daily programming I am pitching will therefore, based on your idea, use NON-SCIENTOLOGISTS.

    And, for added security, those wog actors will give their euphoric testimonials on camera---but with their face blocked out via pixelation.

    Wait, and their volce digitally altered so they sound like Barry White underwater while overdosed on Qualudes.

    In this way, the the actors will be able to work in Hollywood without being put on blacklists normally reserved for rapists, pedophiles and sociopathic cult members who quietly dispose of others without sorrow.

    Naturally, any wogs tuning in to ScientologyTV will be shocked and aghast why the winning "Clears" and "OTs" have their faces blocked. This will lead the public to further revile, reject & ridicule Ron's remorseless racket. But, it will not have any deleterious effect on Scientologists viewing the shows. . .

    Because, they are Scientologists and therefore unable to perceive/process outpoints, contradictions, hypocrisy & sanctimonious double-talk. Scientologists will not question or wonder why the OTs faces/identities are hidden, because they will be VGIs on the r-factor they were given, that "...naturally, it's being done that way for security reasons--to safeguard mankind's eternity".

    Have I mentioned recently that a Scientologist will believe any R-Factor they are given, as long as it contains either the word(s) "eternity" or "on this planet"?

    .
     
  13. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    LOL

    I started to think, "What the hell will Scientology do if the actor gets on the Bridge and becomes a Scientologist?"

    ANSWER: Declare, Dead-agent & Disconnect them. Same exact thing they (eventually) do to all the other Scientologists.

    .
     
  14. scooter

    scooter Gold Meritorious Patron

    Me? I'm awaiting to see if Alanzo gets a spot on it doing his blog.:coolwink:
     
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  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    I am hoping they will ask themselves "WHAT WOULD RON DO?"

    Then, in a brilliant flash of chain-cognitions, they will start raising the prices 10% per month. This will make very good sense to Scientologists who watch ScientologyTV's hit show: "RON'S DOOMSDAY DEADLINE".

    The show revives Ron's prediction that the planet "...has at most another 5 years"-- before all life forms are incinerated in a nuclear holocaust.

    Scientologists appearing on "RON'S DOOMSDAY DEADLINE" will nevertheless wax enthusiastic about the death of everyone on the planet, and they will smile and laugh with insouciance at the un-seriousness of thermo-nuclear genocide, per Ron's HCOB "The Joy of Creating".

    Viewers of the show are encouraged not to "get all serious" and "downtone" when contemplating that they and their families/friends will be murdered within the next 60 months. Instead, viewers will be told to avoid low-toned dramatizations by following Ron's tech to: "laugh and you will soon find something to laugh about". Then the MC and guests will begin telling really hilarious wholetrack stories where people got all keyed in for no reason when planets were blown up, not realizing that they can always mock up more bodies and planets any time they want!
     
  16. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    As far as I know....all Direct TV channels are subscription based.

    Sure they have "packages" of the popular channels....but I don't know how they put these together....

    So, is Cult TV going to be in some "basic package..." or is there going to be a special fee to get it?
     
  17. programmer_guy

    programmer_guy True Ex-Scientologist

    FYI, I heard an ad for Scientology TV on the radio today.
    The radio station was KLOS 95.5 FM (classic rock station in Southern California).
     
  18. Mimsey Borogrove

    Mimsey Borogrove Crusader

    Well, the wife turned on the Scino tv (Direct tv 320)and the conservative snake oil salesman, Mr.cob hissself was slathering it on sayin' that scientology isn't what you have heard, and you need to hear it from us. Oopsie. Has we had some entheta on our lines Mr.cob?

    Opinion - has he has plastic surgery? And what about a hair dye job? He dropped a bunch of coin on those threads - yeppers. Oh, and he learned from all the criticism - the opening shots are from the super power building lobby and he has peeps dashing back and forth in the background. Yep. No more empty lifeless ideal morgues. Extras no doubt.

    Screw it. I'm not going to waste more time watching this crap. I'm going to the gym.

    Mimsey
     
  19. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    First show on SCN TV with John Travolta will be airing at 3:00 a.m. each morning.

    JT will be hosting a Reality TV Show which involves him touring massage parlors around the country, and he'll be providing tips on how to maximize ones massage experience.
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2018
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  20. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader

    Hoaxie....I like your cartoon idea, for the Sci films, the best. :p


    On YouTube as of yesterday.....

     

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