Stupid " ATTESTS " & " SUCCESS " stories that made you roll your eyes !

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by Gizmo, Jul 31, 2017.

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  1. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    OK, all of 'em are stupid., but there were some doozies !

    " Perfection as a being on all 8 dynamics "

    I was at AOLA when I heard she was going to give a success story in the lobby. I had to run out in the street as I didn't want to get shot for laughing.
    Yeah, was later determined all she ever ran was ruds.
    Tell me Cs's don't have a sense of humor !

    " I want a Clear Cert for my Horse " !

    Yep. Gal audited her horse & " KNEW " it went clear. She threw a big yelling screaming fit at AOLA when the CS said " NO " !

    One that didn't get by at CC was the guy who insisted " I blew my whole case by inspection ! I am clear " ! Well, he got no where but it was fun to hear him rant in the HGC & academy course room & anywhere anybody would listen to him.
    Blowing ones whole case by inspection while doing TR 0 didn't catch on.

    Success stories run to long, but, dang some were funny. Anybody remember the gal early on 7 who wrote a success story from a session & got declared for revealing too much in her story ?

    Ever heard a CS come into the internship room & in full view of all scream at an auditor over a session error ?

    There were laughs along the way, too.
  2. Irayam

    Irayam Patron with Honors

    My God... Are these real? Too funny!

    It's a pity I don't have anymore some of mine...
    I should remember them (l'm clear after all!). But no, no memories of specific success story.

  3. WildKat

    WildKat Gold Meritorious Patron

    I seem to recall a pc thinking they had gone exterior in a session, later turned out to have been a stroke. So a medical condition turned into "win" due to expectation that there will be wins with auditing.
  4. arcxcauseblows

    arcxcauseblows Patron Meritorious

    How to create a cult full of fake liars?

    Force them to write a success story after every stupid thing they do

    Imagine authentic stories?

    I just finished ot7... Omfg I hope 8 is better... Wouldn't wish this level on my worst enemies! Total waste on time

    That crap took ten years! $200k and they badgered me every 6 months! I'm ethical! But you have to give them something so I masterbated or didn't clear my words cause I knew I had to give them some overts to guilt trip me or they wouldn't be happy!

    I audited millions of pretend body thetans, at first I couldn't find any but I just imagined a little then I learned to talk to myself, felt like I was inducing split personality disorder really.. gave me headaches but those were good cause then I had something to audit... Don't really feel better but now I can do 8! I'm so happy actually but only because I don't have to audit those silly body thetans maybe now I can get back to having only one voice in my head...

    Actually we get to hear the real success stories, after people leave then you can get a real authentic story not a gagged one, and the world see that, trs don't make you authentic they make you fake

    Maybe they can become actors I guess, looking for a silver lining for them..

    So sad
  5. WildKat

    WildKat Gold Meritorious Patron

    Yep, it amounts to "act happy or get punished" whether ethics or re-do or go back three squares and start over, all at your own time and expense. So you get pretended success stories. And people who have perfected the Art of Lying To Themselves and the World about how great Scn is.
  6. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Nice post!

    We are pleased to inform you that your post is now on permanent display over at the Scientology Museum of Stupid!



    Don't worry about the out-exchange of quoting you without any financial consideration, because Don Hubbard stated: "We will right this injustice by flowing power to arcxcauseblows--in addition to making up the damage by an additional payment of 100 admiration particles."
  7. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    WHAT??? I only got 50 admiration particles. I want a refund now! You can have your damn particles back. I don't need them anyways. :grouch:
  8. arcxcauseblows

    arcxcauseblows Patron Meritorious

    don't worry after i piss them off they'll scratch my name off the cornerstone and put yours there
  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Ron states that the most valuable particle in the universe is the admiration particle.

    I don't expect you to just believe that because Ron said it.

    Because he didn't just say it. Or think it. Or have an opinion about it. He STATED it!

    Work it out people--use your cocksucking clay! That's how Scientology rhetorically rolls up in here. . .

    ps: Because of your entheta backflash, you have been assigned a lower condition and amends. You can make up the damage (quite coincidentally!) by a donation of 50 admiration particles. So be sure to return those 50 admiration units immediately, before this degrades further and we are forced to issue a Non Enturbulation Order!
  10. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    I knew one of the original OTVIIIs. After attesting to it he said he was going to challenge the Mest universe and win!

    About a year later he was bankrupt and owed the banks and other scientologists about half a million dollars.
  11. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    I'd laugh, but it isn't really funny . . .:nervous:
  12. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Among my wog friends over my life I've known ONE person who went BK. Among the people I knew in scn ? I can't count how many maxed out CC's & told massive mortgages on their home to pay for SOME of their " bridge " only to declare BK over it - and "the most ethical beings on the planet" turned a blind eye to it.

    Let me help you borrow money to give to us & it's more than you can ever repay, but, no worry. Go BK - the banks are run by SPs anyway.
  13. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    None of those actions will work on me because I have no ethics - at least not the scientology kind. And since I am at the highest level of Operating DB VIII I can't degrade any further since I'm at rock bottom (and I love it!). The admiration particles are in the mail *cough cough* and you should be receiving them shortly *cough cough*.
  14. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    I knew a registrar in the Sea Org - "the most ethical group on the planet" - who was OTV and had received False Purpose Rundown auditing on all 8 dynamics. The last I heard of him he had just been Declared for the THIRD time - this time for taking money from dead people's accounts!
  15. George Layton

    George Layton Silver Meritorious Patron

    "He turns his fail into a win or he goes back to Ethics again."
  16. ThetaLater

    ThetaLater New Member

    I have a success story I'd like to share with you.
    I left Scientology, and it feels good.
    Round of applause?
  17. ThetaLater

    ThetaLater New Member

    He probably spent his hard earned cash on a new e-meter and a bunch of new levels!
  18. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    So many times " BASICS " showed up on my doorstep that I NEVER ordered - each time they went back.

    So many times I found out my account had been stolen from to donate " BASICS " to libraries, people who really needed them, etc, etc = each time after a very time consuming call after call write up after write up EACH got put back on my account.

    Advance payment just that : an advance payment on something never asked for, never ordered or every gave away. Some people call that grand theft of call misappropriation of funds.

    Their counter ? Nothing illegal, those funds were DONATED so they are ours, period. No shit, I heard that more than a few timed trying to get money back on my account.
  19. Dulloldfart

    Dulloldfart Squirrel Extraordinaire

    Well, I had a stroke in 2001, years after I was last in any org or had any auditing. While it was happening my view of my body and the room (elongated body, weird colours) was very similar to that while "exterior" or during a strong LSD trip. I assume the mechanics were similar, whatever explanations one wishes to make about it. Not a particularly replicatable experience though.

  20. He should have left a will for his new bodies before he dropped to old ones.

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