Stupid " ATTESTS " & " SUCCESS " stories that made you roll your eyes !

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by Gizmo, Jul 31, 2017.

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  1. F.Bullbait

    F.Bullbait Oh, a wise guy,eh?

    Scientology took all my money and now I am a slave to Ron's tech. This is the road to freedom. Thanks Ron!





    :eyeroll:
     
  2. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Anyone else remember when Sterling Mgt gave an ot 8 her own office ?

    It was a PR kind of deal - she just sat at a desk & CRIED ALL DAY LONG.

    No kidding.
     
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor



    Whuuuuuuttttt????

    She was so blown out from OT VIII that she was still blowing wholetrack grief charge?1

    I don't get it. I really don't, lol.

    (assuming that there may actually be some way to make sense of that anecdote)




    1 No inval of the OT VIII intended. Because Ron states that when the being is coming uptone, in a wholetrack sense, they may exhibit irrational, psychotic appearing behavior. But this is just a MEST illusion, because when they sit in an office and cry all day, they are actually in exhilaration, as a being. The key thing to
    understand here is the term "as a being". That way, when Scientologists behave identically & insanely like the fiercely aberrated wogs and SPs they are Clearing, people will realize that it's quite ideal, actually. It's kind of like when people attack Scientology, it's a win really, because that proves Scientology is flourishing & prospering. To the degraded who don't immediately get how all this works, get some clay and STFU!
     
  4. Demented Hubbatd

    Demented Hubbatd Patron with Honors

    My friend, who was a public Scientologist, wrote a success story which goes something like this, "I had a very revealing past life recall. I am delighted to tell everyone that in my past life I was Marilyn Monroe."
     
  5. WildKat

    WildKat Gold Meritorious Patron

    Am I the only one who envisioned this line ala "Silence of the Lambs"? Couldn't stop laughing



    ("It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!")
     
  6. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    I had a PC would ran around telling anyone that would listen to her that last life time she was this very well known &, of course, famous Hollywood actress.

    Another PC I audited to be that same exact person & after she moved on, she was an ot 8 & still claiming this particular very famous last life Hollywood actress !
    Now, if that doesn't jam up & fuck up what you think is supposed to happen 8, uh, go re-read that course pack !

    But, alas, so help me God yet another PC who claimed to have been the same Hollywood Star.

    OK, THREE gals certain beyond any shadow of a doubt to them about who they were last life time - The same Famous Hollywood Star.

    Whut ?

    I can NOT answer how come I stayed as long as I did.

    Can I just plead stupid ?

    OK, real fucking stupid.

    But, hey, I watched unbelievable shit & just kept plowing on. Damn.
     
  7. pineapple

    pineapple Patron with Honors

    I was always under the impression that getting that specific wasn't cool -- that it was like "talking about case out of session." You could say "I found out I have a lot of track in ancient Rome," but you didn't say "I found out I was Julius Caesar." But I never really hit the big time in scientology. My experience was limited to 2 missions and one Cl IV org. It seems it got crazier the higher up you went.

    The closest thing to that I remember was somebody mentioning Queen Elizabeth I and this OT III who I respected a lot said, "Her? God, what a bitch!" and we all laughed and that was the end of it.
     
  8. programmer_guy

    programmer_guy True Ex-Scientologist


    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_memory_syndrome

    I also believe that using the e-meter can cause this to happen.
    Subconscious brain activity affects skin resistance to electric current.
    The prefrontal cortex then "interprets" this subconscious brain activity as a "memory" that can sometimes be true and sometimes be false.
    This is my hypothesis.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2017
  9. WildKat

    WildKat Gold Meritorious Patron

    Numerous pcs recalled being Jesus. Hey, if you're going to stoke the ego, why not be Jesus?
     
  10. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    I had a pc who explained in detail how he created this planet.

    I'd asked him a simple auditing question and he went into this long story about the beginning of time and he went on and on and on. I kept trying to get him back to the question but he just insisted he was answering it and he continued with the story.

    Eventually he wrapped it up and lo and behold it DID answer the question. I was totally amazed and felt like giving him a round of applause.:clap:
     
  11. I was Frank Sinatra.
     
  12. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    Ben Kugler, whale Scientologist - Apologist claimed (still claims?) to be Buddha.

    He did a real dick move last year shooting a video for the hate site against a guest on Leah's show.

    What a tool.

    Would Buddha have done such a thing?:confused2:
     
  13. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    I once got into sort of a shit load of trouble with the CS ( video taped session, ya know ) over my handling of a pc who had a reputation for rambling off topic.
    He, as expected, went rambling off when I asked a question & I let him go for awhile - then I asked him what was the question that I had asked him. He said he didn't know! So, I repeated the auditing command & NEVER had any more trouble with that pc.

    But, I pissed OFF the CS :angry: then the CS pissed ON me :ohmy: LOL

    It wasn't like I hadn't been crammed a few time before :hysterical:
     
  14. F.Bullbait

    F.Bullbait Oh, a wise guy,eh?

    I was God, ya know...

    It was a pretty slick deal...

    Then all these bastids kept ringing me up and complaining...

    Things are much better now...


    [​IMG]
     
  15. WildKat

    WildKat Gold Meritorious Patron

    Another pc went into a rambling dissertation ...space opera stuff.... about how he "held planets at bay". Whatever that means. He was really proud of that whole track ability, before the SPs took away his power, LOL!
     
  16. Dulloldfart

    Dulloldfart Squirrel Extraordinaire

    Something about glass houses and throwing planets comes to mind....

    Paul
     
  17. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    I remember a group of OTs in Clearwater sitting at the Sandcastle gloating over how they had gotten together with their OT Powers and diverted a Hurricane away from Flag.
    They were so proud ! That Hurricane was, if I remember right, called Andrew.

    Oh, I used to take bread from the meal I paid for & toss it to the seagulls in the wind eddy at the corner nearest the canal. It was great fun !

    Well, I got KR'd by a table server for "Aiding Freeloaders" for feeding seagulls with bread I had taken off MY plate ONLY. Back in those days, the MAA was in the FH. Near arrivals were top priority, so, those of us on 7 ? We waited 3 or 4 days to see an MMA !

    I refused to do conditions for disposing of something I had paid for. Flat assed said OH HELL NO. I had bought & paid for that bread & would not back down from I could do whatever I wanted with it. I guess I loved a little flap !

    Looking back . . . there I was IN the insanity of being a scn'gist.
     
  18. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Dr Hubbard did acknowledge that SPs were the most powerful being ever & that no scientologist could hope to survive in their presence !

    One SP can send all of big blue into full hide & cover the windows mode for hours with a small placard or sign !
     
  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    LOL!

    I remember hearing about that. What struck me was how those OTs' purported miracle would actually play out in real life. . .


    JANET THE OT
    Wow, we diverted the hurricane, using presser
    beams to push it a half mile away from Flag!

    RICKY THE OT
    Wowwwwwww! We did it! We saved the Flag Land Base
    from utter destruction, we made it go right!

    GREG THE GRADE 0
    Wait...didn't you hear? The hurricane moved a half mile
    right into the low-income housing area of poor blacks. Their
    whole neighborhood was wiped off the map. Now they are
    all homeless and lost all their earthly possessions. This
    is really tragic, isn't it? Why are you all laughing and happy?

    JANET THE OT
    Oh, just lighten up. You're so serious! You
    know what Ron says about seriousness.
    It's mass. And when you have mass
    you can't win at the game of life.
    You really need to get up the
    Bridge asap so you can be
    insouciant like us!

    GREG THE GRADE 0
    But, didn't you read that 17 people were
    killed by the hurricane. If you really did
    postulate this typhoon away from Flag
    and you sent it into the poor people's
    trailer park, then didn't you murder them?

    RICKY THE OT
    Hey, what are you even nattering about?!
    Those wogs were totally downtone downstats!
    I mean, they had all the opportunity in
    the world to get on the Bridge like us
    and get up to OT so they could postulate
    the hurricane would kill us instead.

    JANET THE OT
    Yeah! That hurricane was coming directly
    at Flag, so for all we know they postulated
    steering it into Flag, murdering all of us
    upstat OTs! So what we did
    was just self defense! We're
    super happy those DBs died!

    RICKY THE OT
    Amen to that! Hey, we gotta get going,
    Greg, you should really come with us.
    There's a huge Volunteer Minister campaign
    called "Mission of Mercy" where dozens of us
    wearing yellow raincoats go over to the ghetto
    trailer park that was destroyed--and we hand out
    "The Way To Happiness" booklets, and give touch
    assists to the injured and survivors still in shock.


    GREG THE GRADE 0
    Whuuuuuttt? Now you're going to help the same
    families you destroyed and murdered with your
    hurricane death postulates?

    JANET THE OT
    Well, something like that, yeah. We're going
    to help them---to help us! You know, help us to get
    some good photos of how much the religion of
    Scientology loves and helps mankind!





    :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

    I thought that was 100% a joke. Then I started to think it might be real. Poe's Law!!!

    That story is so insane and hilarious, it feels like someone just threw a J&D stun grenades inside my head and I am so disoriented I don't know whether to laugh or scream: "WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!?!!!!"

    That story is way too crazy to be true!

    However, Scientologists are way to crazy to be true.

    So, two negatives cancel each other out--thus I now believe it really happened (on this planet!). LOL
     
  20. phenomanon

    phenomanon Gold Meritorious Patron

    :cheers:
    Here's to us.

    There are some people who are just stubborn as old Mules, and will not look at anything that makes them wrong.
    They are right to turn their back, even disconnect from you, if you 'dis' their Religion. (spit)
    They are right to join a Church ( spit) whose purpose is a truly glorious one.
    They are right to Be Scientologists ( spit) because Scientology ( spit) is the Hope of Mankind.
    They are right to idolize L Ron Hubbard (spit) because He was Source of their Scriptures. (spit)

    Sometimes I just get mad as Hell. (spit)
    It's been a helluva day so far today. Forgive me my rant.
     

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