Suppressed Memories

Discussion in 'Stories From Inside Scientology' started by Sharone Stainforth, Jun 15, 2007.

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  1. Markus

    Markus Silver Meritorious Patron

    Yes in my opinion it is very interesting to compare the totalitarian systems Scientology and Nazi Germany - but please watch part one and two of the following reportage and you will see what I mean....

  2. Sharone Stainforth

    Sharone Stainforth Silver Meritorious Patron


    When I saw these videos you presented here and I watched far more, it was like watching echos of the past.Perhaps not on the scale of Hitler, but if LRH had had his way, it definetly would have been.

    The culture he laid out for his followers was that of a blind following, many saw the light early on, many did't and even those that could see didn't want to, because that would mean having to admit to being wrong. It's a hard thing to admit you've been wrong, that you've thrown your life away to follow someone who talks bullshit

    Bullshit comes in many forms and none more so than that talked by L. Ron Hubbard, it comes in policy letters, taped lectures,books and videos and it's all a load of bullshit.

    The best use of bullshit I know is to let it mature, dig it into the earth and grow plants out of it. You can learn more about the habbits of tomatoe plants like that than any philosophy LRH planted in the followers of scientology.

    When LRH saw fit to teach people like the likes of my Father how to be a Father, how to be a man, he destroyed all common decency in a man who previously had known what compassion was.

    Apolagize for critisizing scientology, for critisizing what ruined my faith in human nature, what ruined my childhood, what ruined my belief that most of mankind is good, apologize to an unknown entity for playing at being God. Not on your life.

    If my Father cannot apolagize for being 007, a science fiction creation, created by following the tech of scientology, then I cannot and will not apolagize for believing the tech in or out of scientology to be a harmful and destructive technology that turns normal rational thinking human beings into complete idiots, even if they no not what they do.

    And I do believe some of them at least, do know exactly what they do.
  3. degraded being

    degraded being Sponsor

    That blind allegiance to Hitler is like the blind allegiance the Martyites have to Hubbard.
  4. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    It took me a few days to get through your story. I could only deal with reading a few pages at a time, it's that intense.

    Regarding your father, I think they may have done things to him before finally letting him go, things that might explain the way he currently is. Intensive questioning has a long history in Communist brainwashing techniques, as a way to not just EXTRACT information, but as a way to IMPLANT ideas, thoughts, attitudes, and false memories. After a long enough set of "gang bang sec check" sessions, done under conditions of sleep deprivation (the usual state of a Sea Org member), where you have multiple people screaming at you
    day after day, the questioning causes implanted memories. See for example this research. Or just google for "implanted memories" interrogation.

    I'm suggesting that people in the Sea Org may have had the ability, opportunity and motive to seriously screw up your dad's head before they let him go.
  5. blownstaffmember

    blownstaffmember Patron with Honors

    Wow, I just read this thread all the way through for the first time. I'm sure glad those of you who were so fully immersed for so long have the chutzpah to lay it all out for those who never realized how deep the rabbit hole really goes.

    Sharone... It is hard to find words after reading your tale. It angers me just to think of the harm so callously and thoughtlessly ladled on you. I can't imagine the hell it must have been to go through. So glad you were able to assemble a life from the broken pieces of childhood you had to endure. The resiliency of the human spirit is astonishing. Thank you so much for standing up and exposing all of this.
  6. parrotnutz

    parrotnutz Patron

    tech? what tech?
  7. Sharone Stainforth

    Sharone Stainforth Silver Meritorious Patron

    Enthetan wrote;

    I firmly believe this is exactly what happenened to him.

    I will end with this quote for it explains what I think, feel and know, far better than I could express it myself.

    Scientology is both immoral and socially obnoxious...It is corrupt, sinister and dangerous. It is based on lies and deceit and has its real objectives being money and power for Mr. Hubbard...It is sinister because it indulges in infamous practices both to its adherents who do not toe the line unquestionably and to those who criticise it or oppose it. It is dangerous because it is out to capture people to indoctrinate and brainwash them so they become the unquestioning captives and tools of the cult, withdrawn from ordinary thought, living and relationships with others.

    This was said by Justice Latey, ruling in the London High Court, Family Division on July 23, 1984.

    It stands as true today as it did then, in fact it was true long before Justice Latey said it.The only difference today is Hubbard is dead, the money and power are for David Miscavige now,and the free zoners who keep the name of L. Ron Hubbard alive. L. Ron Hubbard, The great humaniterean who destroyed so many lives.One destroyed life is one too many, in the wake of scientologys crusade, just how many destroyed lives are there?

    By keeping L.Ron Hubbards name alive, you are aiding the church of scientology, making him acceptable. He IS not,he was not, his practises and policies are not, there IS nothing acceptable about what L. Ron Hubbard created. Nothing at all!
  8. Arthur Dent

    Arthur Dent Silver Meritorious Patron

    Excellent videos, Marcus.
    These should be shown back to back with the sea org recruitment video.
    Or perhaps as the new Orientation film for new people.
    Youth is the main target and education is key.
  9. Markus

    Markus Silver Meritorious Patron

    This is so very powerful!

    This is why this cult must be destroyed as soon as possible

    I'm reading your story the second time right now Sharone. It is so heartbreaking for me because I understand, understand completely what it means to have your family destroyed by this criminal cult. I only can try to imagine how horrible it must have been to be neglected like this as a child - we were neglected too but we had our mother back soon because she went back to her old christian believe and this saved us from getting totally neglected.
    Maybe one day you will be able to meet your "ray of Sunshine'officer" again - I hope this will be very soon ;-)

  10. Markus

    Markus Silver Meritorious Patron

    I could use some bullshit for my tomatoes ;-)

    But I'm quite sure that Hubbards bullshit would not help them growing :no:

    You are so very right - you don't have to apologize - you have every right to attack this organization for what it is - a crazy, criminal abusive and money hungry cult which has destroyed thousands of families.

    Best wishes
  11. Sharone Stainforth

    Sharone Stainforth Silver Meritorious Patron

    I had made up my mind I would not post here again,do not misunderstand me, not because I don't want the world to know what scientology really is all about, not because I'm a chicken, but because the most important thing in my life is my girls. I love my children, more than words can ever express. I love them deeply and unconditionally and they hate what I do. Both of them hate that I go protesting against scientology, both of them have begun to feel that I am some sort of freak for protesting against scientology, that there is something wrong with me. ME! Their Mother, the one who has cherished them and loved them so very, very much their whole lives. I have always said to them both, there is nothing they could do in this world that would ever stop my love of them, barring maybe committing murder and even then I would try to find just cause. I love them both, that much.

    I am torn, torn in two. My love of my children, who have given me the best years of my life. They made me feel whole, a real person, someone who had something to give. Don't get me wrong, there were many trials and tribulations being a Mother and I have never been perfect, far from it, but I gave it my all and both of my daughters have turned out to be lovely, wonderful human beings and I am so proud of both of them. They have both achieved far more than I have in life.

    When I first became a Mother, I did it for such selfish reasons, I needed to prove that , to myself more than anything else, that chilhood didn't have to be the one I knew. I needed someone to love, someone that would love me back, unconditionally. When I first became pregnant I was just 17 years old, and so many people tried to convince me that I was ruining my life and that I should have an abortion.

    Having an abortion in my eyes, was not an option. I wanted a baby so much. I grew up, raising babies, how could anyone think I could destroy one.Pregnancy for me, was one of lifes miracles and against all the odds, and believe me there were many, the life that grew inside of me was to be the making of me. After the sea org and until that point in time, I was on self destruct.Even after my first baby, i was still sort of on self destruct, but that baby pulled me through. I knew I had to get my act together, it wasn't always easy and because of the bad relationship I was in, at times, it was really hard, but pulled through I did and young as I was at the time, I have never regretted it. I had no outside help, I had no family, scientology took care of that. I was on my own.

    My support, my network were my friends, and to this day those same people are my friends, unfortunately due to what I have chosen to do in the last couple of years, I really fear for my friends having anything to do with me.These people, whom I love as much as my children, don't deserve to be associated with me because of what I speak out about.

    I hate to use this phrase, but I must," its for the greatest good", the reason I took this lonely path, and it IS lonely ,is because as much as I love my daughters and my friends and that includes very old friends on the Apollo, I have spoken to too many people in the course of protesting that have either had their lives ruined, that of their friends or family and are too scared to make a stand. Someone, anyone has to stand up and say something. I have not done all that I probably could and on a daily basis, I know there IS more that I can do and will do, but it is not always easy and along the way, it is frought with misunderstandings, paranoia and a never ending battle to stay anonymous.

    Anonymous as a collective, have done amazing things and I personally cannot thank them enough, however this same culture causes a lot of misunderstandings, possably because of the lack of misunderstood words.

    One of my biggest bug bears is the freezone. I see this community as a false religion just like that of scientology because these people promote the so called tech of L. Ron Hubbard and I don't care how many different people added their bit to make it so, I don't care whether bits of Budhism were added or any other bits of religion for that matter. What I do know IS that whatever scientology is and has to offer has a detrimental affect on human beings to such a degree that all else in life is secondry to what real life should be about.

    You will have to excuse my seeming lack of empathy, I happen to have it in bucket loads, unfortunately I was stupid enough to put far too much trust in someone and as will happen in life, they let me down,Human beings have a habit of doing that. It seems they also lead a lonely life, but in reality, they were stringing me along. Nothing quite like swapping one messiah for another, just don't be fooled again.

    Markus, I really feel for you and your family and yes, I too hope I will be able to find my ray of sunshine.......soon.
  12. me myself & i

    me myself & i Patron Meritorious

    Powerful Love. Powerful Truth. Powerful Post.

    What a Beautiful Heart. What a Beautiful Mind. What a Beautiful Soul.

    Thanks Sharone,


    (in me)

  13. Markus

    Markus Silver Meritorious Patron

    Your daughters...

    I know what you mean - I have two lovely daughters too 19 and 17 years young. And all my family members who were never in this cult could not understand in the beginning why I spend so much time finding out the truth about Uwe and fighting against this crazy "church" - especially my wife could not understand it until she went with me to the Hamburg Symposium where she met all these wonderful Ex-Scientologist people. But what helped her most to understand me was Hanas speech in Hamburg - after this speech she understood why and how Hubbard was able to trap people. And maybe my speech there helped her to understand why I have to do this fight against Scientology. Take all the time you need for your family - make a break as long as you need it but please do not forget that your battle against Scientology is important for you and of course for the freedom of your girls and all children in the future too. I don't want them to live in a world like in Orwells 1984 - this is why I fight this Mafia organization - and if you manage to explain this to your girls I'm sure they will understand and will be at your side.

    much love

    P.S. I have sent you a PM too...
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2010
  14. AnonyMary

    AnonyMary Formerly Fooled - Finally Free

    Dear Sharone,

    :thumbsup: You have done much to help expose scientology. Enjoy your family and your life; and continue to make peace with the past while you make your present. Please do stop by now and again to let us know how you are doing.((huggs))

    Last edited: Jul 11, 2010
  15. Babycakes

    Babycakes Patron

    Well said. Take care of yourself and your family. And as Mary said, let us know from time to time how it's going.

    You are powerful in your love.
  16. Good twin

    Good twin Floater


    :love8::love8::love8::grouphug::love8::love8: :love8:
  17. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Sharone I understand what you are saying.
    From time to time you will see the advice "move on ... get a/enjoy life". For some of us old timers it is not so simple. After decades of coping within the scio structure, the freedom to speak of the evils then opens the floodgates. Once that first deluge is done, then we need to find the balance. The loved ones in our lives often cannot begin to comprehend what it all meant to us, not really, no matter how we try and explain it. Yet the way we were raised shaped us, and if we need to protest that and protest it happening to other people, then we need to do that as well. Yes, finding the balance is hard sometimes and I don't think it can be an either/or thing because to be quiet now will also do harm to ourselves.
    So follow your heart.

  18. Markus

    Markus Silver Meritorious Patron

    You are so very right here Sharone.
  19. Sharone Stainforth

    Sharone Stainforth Silver Meritorious Patron

    Right now, I am very confused, extremely confused.

    I read something, and it says one thing and yet you can read it again and it can say something completely different. Depending on how you interpret it.

    Part of me regrets the day I ever decided this was the right thing to do, speaking out about what happened to me as a child. My conscience says it was exactly the right thing to do. So I am torn between a rock and a hard place.

    I don't care what happens to me, but I do care about some people in this world, some of which I have never even met. I cannot quantify this, it is just something that I feel, deep inside of me, like a Mothers love, only it isn't that. I can't put it into words. It's just there, it's probably not justified, its possibly not even wanted, but it is there just the same, whether I like it or not.Whether YOU like it or not, it is there, here in my heart.

    When I first embarked on this journey into the past, it nearly killed me, you have no idea how ill it made me. My head kept saying leave it alone, it will destroy you, it nearly did all those years ago, why dredge it up again. My heart, after reading some of the most depressing, sad and horrifying tales from ex scientologists nearly tore me in two. There were so many of them, heart breaking accounts of destroyed lives, they matched my own, or were even worse than my own.

    When I started protesting and getting out amongst people, it was even worse than I had thought, so many people and I am sure this just a tip of the ice burg, had gone through similar or worse strife than me. How can this be? How can, when you read all the media coverage of the broken people of this cult, this still all these years on still be happening? How can it? Why Is it?

    When I read your story Markus, I thought, even knowing what I know, this has to be some kind of joke, in the most morbid sence of the word joke.

    I wondered if it was scientology playing some kind of trick on the mind.They are good at this, and I know this only too well.

    If Goran Robertson hanged himself, I want to know why? The first name is correct, I'm not sure about his surname, but I knew him and I was, to use scientology language, handled by him, to make sure I never ever spoke out about what happened on the Apollo.As a naive kid, who was terrified out of her wits I did not even realise at the time that LRH had sent him. Of course LRH sent him. My Father was supposed to go to court and falsely testify for scientology. He never did, because he was supposedfly at sea, destination unknown. My Father swears he knows nothing of this, maybe he does, maybe he really dosen't, I don't know. What I do know is, my Father IS a raving lunatic, and may God if there is one, forgive me for saying this. Part of me thinks he did not know what he was doing, the other part of me thinks he did.

    As I said, total confusion.

    To top it off the one person in the world, I put total trust in won't even talk to me, not properly at any rate, is this fear? or is this something else?

    Is this me still being naive? a fucking idiot, to put so much trust in someone?

    There is a tendancy for some on this board to think that being too serious is a god damned crime, scientology, strangely enough IS a serious business, because like it or not, it messes with peoples heads to such an extent that they end up being complete fruit loops. My Dad is one of them.

    Some even go as far as to comitt suicide, Quentin Hubbard was my friend, LRHs own son, again you have no idea how upset I was when I learned of this and yet some fucking nut on this board says " I was Quentin Hubbard, in a past life", Have you any idea what this did to me, how it affected me, how it may have affected others, his sisters, his brother,his friends, if they read here?

    Have you really any idea of what this batshit crazy cult has done to people?

    I am not aiming any of this at YOU Markus, I have read YOUR story and it is heartbreaking and whether or not you believe me, I feel a great deal of love and compassion towards YOU and your family.

    I have said things on this board that maybe I should never have said, and I do apolagise especially to Janis and her family, but at the end of the day, LRH used and abused YOUR family probably more than most and I find that really hard to forgive, even if you do. I really looked up to you Janis then, and still do now, know that, feel it, it is heartfelt.

    I don't want to let my children down, and I know you don't want to let yours down either, having come thus far, we owe it to everybody to make a stand, for the future of the children on 'Gods' earth. It never belonged to L. Ron Hubbard. He was a liar, a cheat, a fraud, but worse than all of that, he stole YOUR lives, ALL of YOUR lives and David Miscavige took what was left.

    I'm sick of reading about Marty Rathbun and Mike Rinder, WHAT HAVE THEY REALLY DONE TO HELP MANKIND? They have found out the hard way, that Scientology IS just as bad as they helped make it. If they really want to make a difference, they'll get the hell out there and DO something about it.

    I am but a little speck of dust, they are the full blown big bits of dirt.
  20. looker

    looker Patron Meritorious

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your story. I have learned so so much.

    I have read many blogs so I think I know what you are saying between the lines.

    Love and admiration....