.... <PART ONE of this thread can be found here: http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21633-Top-100-Stupid-Moments-in-Scientology. M3375> (REDUX): "Clears do not get colds" -L. Ron Hubbard REGISTRAR So, let me just add all that up and deducts your IAS discount and also give you the Sliding Scale discount and if you pay today, I can also deduct the very special Advanced Payment discount. You do want all those discounts, so let's get this paid into your account today. Just give me your charge cards now and we'll get your eternity secured for you. PRECLEAR But you didn't tell me how much the Golden Age of Tech Clear Special Intensive was. REGISTRAR Oh, well, let's see, with the set-up auditing you'll need two intensives. Your security check is one intensive. We need a pledge of one intensive in case you run out of hours. And then there's another 2 intensives for your Stability Rundown. And you have been assigned Biff Bloughdown, our top auditor--so the rate on his super standard Flag Only quality auditing is 20% more than normal auditors. He just returned from Flag, you know, and he's the top auditor in the entire Ideal Org! PRECLEAR Well yeah, he's the top auditor in the org because isn't he the only auditor in the org? REGISTRAR I'm going to ignore that Q & A and get right to the heart of the matter. Do you want your eternity or not? There a ton of other people who are waiting for Mr. Bloughdown to be their auditor and-- PRECLEAR Okay, okay, okay--but you still didn't tell me how much this Clear intensive is going to cost. And why is it called the Clear "intensive" anyways when have to buy all those other "intensives"? REGISTRAR The total is going to be 29,999 dollars. I'll need those charge cards now. PRECLEAR Jeez! Thirty grand?! But I already spent $ 159,000 to go Clear. Now I have to spend another $29,999 to find out if I really went Clear? REGISTRAR (coughs, sniffs, sneezes) Well yes. And remember, the Stability Rundown is in your special package too. PRECLEAR Yeah, I meant to ask you about that. WTF is a Stability Rundown? REGISTRAR Well it is the newest breakthrough on why a being loses their gain and rollercoasters. Everyone who has ever been sick gets that so that they never ever get sick again for the rest of eternity. PRECLEAR Isn't that just the PTS Rundown with a new name? REGISTRAR (sneezes, sniffles) Let's not get into self-auditing and self-CS-ing here. Ron states that a being should not try to handle their own case. PRECLEAR Isn't that like when Ron said in DMSMH that "...a Clear does not get colds"? REGISTRAR Yes, exactly. PRECLEAR Aren't you Clear? REGISTRAR Certainly! PRECLEAR You have been sniffing and coughing and sneezing for the past hour. Don't you have a cold? REGISTRAR Um.....yes. But that's because I did not have my Stability Rundown yet. PRECLEAR But how can a Clear get a cold if Ron said Clears never get a cold? REGISTRAR Well, the Clear is clear on the first dynamic. The body is composed of MEST, therefore it is on the 6th dynamic. PRECLEAR LOL. That sounds like bullshit! If you are Clear why do you have a cold? REGISTRAR Um....well, I am PTS. Ron states that a Clear is still a Clear even when they are PTS and acting sick, reactive and abberated. So, let's secure your Clear and Eternity now before you get sick, reactive and abberated. PRECLEAR Wuttttt? REGISTRAR Listen, Scientology works. You'll understand it much better when you are a Clear.