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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

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Knows

Gold Meritorious Patron
....

<PART ONE of this thread can be found here: http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21633-Top-100-Stupid-Moments-in-Scientology. M3375>



(REDUX): "Clears do not get colds" -L. Ron Hubbard


REGISTRAR
So, let me just add all that up and
deducts your IAS discount and also
give you the Sliding Scale discount
and if you pay today, I can also
deduct the very special Advanced
Payment discount. You do want all
those discounts, so let's get this paid
into your account today. Just give
me your charge cards now and
we'll get your eternity secured for you.


PRECLEAR
But you didn't tell me how much the
Golden Age of Tech Clear Special
Intensive was.

REGISTRAR
Oh, well, let's see, with the set-up auditing
you'll need two intensives. Your security check
is one intensive. We need a pledge of one intensive
in case you run out of hours. And then there's another
2 intensives for your Stability Rundown. And you have
been assigned Biff Bloughdown, our top auditor--so
the rate on his super standard Flag Only quality
auditing is 20% more than normal auditors. He
just returned from Flag, you know, and he's the top
auditor in the entire Ideal Org!

PRECLEAR
Well yeah, he's the top auditor in the org
because isn't he the only auditor in the org?

REGISTRAR
I'm going to ignore that Q & A and get right
to the heart of the matter. Do you want your
eternity or not? There a ton of other people
who are waiting for Mr. Bloughdown to
be their auditor and--

PRECLEAR
Okay, okay, okay--but you still didn't tell
me how much this Clear intensive is going
to cost. And why is it called the Clear "intensive"
anyways when have to buy all those other "intensives"?

REGISTRAR
The total is going to be 29,999 dollars.
I'll need those charge cards now.

PRECLEAR
Jeez! Thirty grand?! But I already
spent $ 159,000 to go Clear. Now
I have to spend another $29,999 to
find out if I really went Clear?

REGISTRAR
(coughs, sniffs, sneezes)
Well yes. And remember, the Stability
Rundown is in your special package too.

PRECLEAR
Yeah, I meant to ask you about that.
WTF is a Stability Rundown?

REGISTRAR
Well it is the newest breakthrough on why
a being loses their gain and rollercoasters. Everyone
who has ever been sick gets that so that they never
ever get sick again for the rest of eternity.

PRECLEAR
Isn't that just the PTS Rundown with a new name?

REGISTRAR
(sneezes, sniffles)
Let's not get into self-auditing
and self-CS-ing here. Ron states
that a being should not try to handle
their own case.

PRECLEAR
Isn't that like when Ron said in DMSMH that
"...a Clear does not get colds"?

REGISTRAR
Yes, exactly.

PRECLEAR
Aren't you Clear?

REGISTRAR
Certainly!

PRECLEAR
You have been sniffing and coughing
and sneezing for the past hour. Don't
you have a cold?

REGISTRAR
Um.....yes. But that's because I did
not have my Stability Rundown yet.

PRECLEAR
But how can a Clear get a cold if
Ron said Clears never get a cold?

REGISTRAR
Well, the Clear is clear on the first dynamic. The body
is composed of MEST, therefore it is on the 6th dynamic.

PRECLEAR
LOL. That sounds like bullshit! If you are
Clear why do you have a cold?

REGISTRAR
Um....well, I am PTS. Ron states that
a Clear is still a Clear even when they are
PTS and acting sick, reactive and abberated. So,
let's secure your Clear and Eternity now before
you get sick, reactive and abberated.

PRECLEAR
Wuttttt?

REGISTRAR
Listen, Scientology works. You'll understand
it much better when you are a Clear.


REGISTRAR
(sneezes, sniffles)
Let's not get into self-auditing
and self-CS-ing here. Ron states
that a being should not try to handle
their own case.
:lol::roflmao::hysterical::headspin:


The entire things was hysterical - OMG!! Love Hoaxie!
 

Knows

Gold Meritorious Patron
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

I used to reproach myself for every single physical failing, felt I wasn't making the grade.

An OT will be at knowing and willing cause over MEST.

That won't say that an OT won't go effect if he can't move up in Status.

LRH
 

Irayam

Patron with Honors
Please, PLEASE! HelluvaHoax! Grab a camera, hire two actors (preferably some who have already played in $cientology films:)) and start a wonderful Youtube channel with these little gems!!

Irayam
(already :drama:
....

<PART ONE of this thread can be found here: http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21633-Top-100-Stupid-Moments-in-Scientology. M3375>



(REDUX): "Clears do not get colds" -L. Ron Hubbard


REGISTRAR
So, let me just add all that up and
deducts your IAS discount and also
give you the Sliding Scale discount
and if you pay today, I can also
deduct the very special Advanced
Payment discount. You do want all
those discounts, so let's get this paid
into your account today. Just give
me your charge cards now and
we'll get your eternity secured for you.


PRECLEAR
But you didn't tell me how much the
Golden Age of Tech Clear Special
Intensive was.

REGISTRAR
Oh, well, let's see, with the set-up auditing
you'll need two intensives. Your security check
is one intensive. We need a pledge of one intensive
in case you run out of hours. And then there's another
2 intensives for your Stability Rundown. And you have
been assigned Biff Bloughdown, our top auditor--so
the rate on his super standard Flag Only quality
auditing is 20% more than normal auditors. He
just returned from Flag, you know, and he's the top
auditor in the entire Ideal Org!

PRECLEAR
Well yeah, he's the top auditor in the org
because isn't he the only auditor in the org?

REGISTRAR
I'm going to ignore that Q & A and get right
to the heart of the matter. Do you want your
eternity or not? There a ton of other people
who are waiting for Mr. Bloughdown to
be their auditor and--

PRECLEAR
Okay, okay, okay--but you still didn't tell
me how much this Clear intensive is going
to cost. And why is it called the Clear "intensive"
anyways when have to buy all those other "intensives"?

REGISTRAR
The total is going to be 29,999 dollars.
I'll need those charge cards now.

PRECLEAR
Jeez! Thirty grand?! But I already
spent $ 159,000 to go Clear. Now
I have to spend another $29,999 to
find out if I really went Clear?

REGISTRAR
(coughs, sniffs, sneezes)
Well yes. And remember, the Stability
Rundown is in your special package too.

PRECLEAR
Yeah, I meant to ask you about that.
WTF is a Stability Rundown?

REGISTRAR
Well it is the newest breakthrough on why
a being loses their gain and rollercoasters. Everyone
who has ever been sick gets that so that they never
ever get sick again for the rest of eternity.

PRECLEAR
Isn't that just the PTS Rundown with a new name?

REGISTRAR
(sneezes, sniffles)
Let's not get into self-auditing
and self-CS-ing here. Ron states
that a being should not try to handle
their own case.

PRECLEAR
Isn't that like when Ron said in DMSMH that
"...a Clear does not get colds"?

REGISTRAR
Yes, exactly.

PRECLEAR
Aren't you Clear?

REGISTRAR
Certainly!

PRECLEAR
You have been sniffing and coughing
and sneezing for the past hour. Don't
you have a cold?

REGISTRAR
Um.....yes. But that's because I did
not have my Stability Rundown yet.

PRECLEAR
But how can a Clear get a cold if
Ron said Clears never get a cold?

REGISTRAR
Well, the Clear is clear on the first dynamic. The body
is composed of MEST, therefore it is on the 6th dynamic.

PRECLEAR
LOL. That sounds like bullshit! If you are
Clear why do you have a cold?

REGISTRAR
Um....well, I am PTS. Ron states that
a Clear is still a Clear even when they are
PTS and acting sick, reactive and abberated. So,
let's secure your Clear and Eternity now before
you get sick, reactive and abberated.

PRECLEAR
Wuttttt?

REGISTRAR
Listen, Scientology works. You'll understand
it much better when you are a Clear.

 

HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
..

Please, PLEASE! HelluvaHoax! Grab a camera, hire two actors (preferably some who have already played in $cientology films:)) and start a wonderful Youtube channel with these little gems!!

Irayam
(already :drama:



LOLOLOLOLOL

That is sooooooo temping! You have nooooooo idea. :hysterical:


Well, i know at least one actor that played in Scn films. Oh, Larrrrrrrrrry?

Here's a video that is an absolutely creepy cringefest of hideously bad acting. I dare anyone to watch from 0:50 to 1:05 and listen to that synthesized chuckling and then explain why a billion dollar organization with advanced technology and supernaturally knowing beings could not detect pathetically fake laughter.


[video=youtube;sgRoEPMmmvo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgRoEPMmmvo[/video]



And who can forget that monumental moment of macabre moronics at 6:58 (below):


[video=youtube;TgDFLraHpDk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgDFLraHpDk[/video]

"You can also dive off a bridge
and blow your brains out!"


 
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HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
...

I have Larry's mobile phone number, in case you want it!



The telephone rings in Larry's house. He picks it up. . .


LARRY
Helloooo?

HH
Hello Larry. I have an acting offer
you can't refuse.

LARRY
Who is this?

HH
It's HelluvaHoax! Just pay attention
to what I am telling you. This offer
comes along once in a lifetime.
Have I got your attention?

LARRY
I'm listening.

HH
Okay, I am producing an anti-Scientology film. It will have so
many overwhelmingly cringey and hilariously creepy moments
about Scientology that nobody who sees it will ever
want to do any Scientology auditing or training
for the rest of eternity.

LARRY
I already did a film like that.
 
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guanoloco

As-Wased
..





LOLOLOLOLOL

That is sooooooo temping! You have nooooooo idea. :hysterical:


Well, i know at least one actor that played in Scn films. Oh, Larrrrrrrrrry?

Here's a video that is an absolutely creepy cringefest of hideously bad acting. I dare anyone to watch from 0:50 to 1:05 and listen to that synthesized chuckling and then explain why a billion dollar organization with advanced technology and supernaturally knowing beings could not detect pathetically fake laughter.


[video=youtube;sgRoEPMmmvo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgRoEPMmmvo[/video]



And who can forget that monumental moment of macabre moronics at 6:58 (below):


[video=youtube;TgDFLraHpDk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgDFLraHpDk[/video]

"You can also dive off a bridge
and blow your brains out!"



This has Mistupid written all over it...kinda like Battlefield Teegeeack where I read how he was all over that abortion with editing and cut scenes. Is it a good idea to have someone who never went to highschool running an international billion dollar company? Someone with no world exposure except through the lens of vistaril butt? Can it really get any stupider? (...background music of The Galactic Marching Song lilts away...)
 
Last edited:

Operating DB

Truman Show Dropout
...





The telephone rings in Larry's house. He picks it up. . .


LARRY
Helloooo?

HH
Hello Larry. I have an acting offer
you can't refuse.

LARRY
Who is this?

HH
It's HelluvaHoax! Just pay attention
to what I am telling you. This offer
comes along once in a lifetime.
Have I got your attention?

LARRY
I'm listening.

HH
Okay, I am producing a film. It will have so
many overwhelmingly cringey and hilariously creepy moments
about Scientology that nobody who sees it will ever
want to do any Scientology auditing or training
for the rest of eternity.

LARRY
I already did a film like that.

Classic punch line! I kept hitting the "LOL" button in a fit of laughter but alas only one "LOL" can register.
 

guanoloco

As-Wased
I remember when the blow your brains out orientation film came out. What an embarassment! Every staff terminal running around all False 4 over it and, of course, one is forced into a mandatory viewing. I couldn't believe how boneheaded stupid it was. Blow your brains out??? On an "introductory" film????

It was so fucking stupid! Why not a 15 minute infomercial on the grades and the purif? THAT would've created reach. Instead, the ultra serious actor step forward with a simultaneous focus zoom and a heavy dram impinge of blow your brains out...classic Mistupid.

It's just like their commercials nowadays. Some airy-fairy feel good introspection instead of a simple infomercial on the supposedly VFPs and EPs of the purif and grades.

Is it stupid that with Mistupid in charge of RTC and the secret trademarks of Stupidology that absolutely no wog anywhere has a single iota of a clue what the BPI part of the Bridge is...you know...the very stuff Scientology is SUPPOSED to market...problems, goals, comm, control, ARC...like the grades and the purif...and instead any wog anywhere who has ever even heard of Stupidology will immediately mention all the stupid secret OT history that is supposed to be under lock and key and is instead all over the internet and South Park...you know...Xenu, eternal batteries, BTs, DC8s, volcanoes and H bombs. Can there be a bigger fail than this?

And people actually applaud this guy.
 

Dave B.

Maximus Ultimus Mostimus
This has Mistupid written all over it...kinda like Battlefield Teegeeack where I read how he was all over that abortion with editing and cut scenes. Is it a good idea to have someone who never went to highschool running an international billion dollar company? Someone with no world exposure except through the lens of vistaril butt? Can it really get any stupider? (...background music of The Galactic Marching Song lilts away...)


Well, he did operate a movie camera once in the 1970's so he should be able to do all that. :p
 

HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
...

SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT
THIS SOCIOPATHIC LIAR & VIOLENT THUG
HOLDS THE ONLY KEY TO THEIR "ETERNITY"

scientology-leader-david-miscavige-spied-father-10k-week.jpg


OT'S PROUDLY CALL THIS EXTRAORDINARY
GULLIBILITY & DELUSION--"KNOWINGNESS".

THE THUG GIVES AWARDS & MEDALS
TO ANY SCIENTOLOGIST WHO BELIEVE HIM
ABOUT HIS MAGICAL KEYS TO "ETERNITY"

PEOPLE WHO THINK THIS IS STUPID
GET IMPRISONED, BEATEN, TERRORIZED
OR FAIR GAMED UNTIL THEY ARE DESTROYED.

RON CALLS THIS
"A WORLD WITHOUT INSANITY"
 

Jump

Operating teatime
Often the evil abuses of scientology are difficult to explain in a sound bite, or can be minimised and even excused as being like something else (while it is way more calculated and extreme than the something else).

Helluvahoax, you nailed that one to a tree.

I hope we get additions to this 'Ron calls this' meme :thumbsup:
 

guanoloco

As-Wased
Well, he did operate a movie camera once in the 1970's so he should be able to do all that. :p

There's some story somewhere of this SO hardcore tossing garbage at a can and stating that she immediately looks for the SP when she misses. Think of Larry Bird and countless other professionals who practice for thousands of hours honing some skill but retard Ron said we've already been this or that trillions of times so you're supposed to merely go out and be 100% knowingness. Scientology is a dismal failure at everything except crime and insanity.

If a being knows why the countless hours of drilling, studying, interning, pink sheeting and honing auditor skills?

If she wanted to find her SP someone should of had her spot and point out the bronze busts all around the morgue.

Who has bronze busts made of themselves? What "picture" would that "being" be looking at?

One glance at that bronze bust and this "being" should've known...instead I buried that nagging feeling.
 

Karen#1

Gold Meritorious Patron
On Sunset Boulevard, 24/7/365, the Scientology Inc Billboard flashes these figures ~in order to lure the public in.
SCNBillboard6-1_1.jpg

SCNBillboard7.jpg

SCNBillboard8_1.jpg

 
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HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
...

tl;dr

(too ludicrous; did repost)

From the thread on Scientology Saints...


Originally Posted by HelluvaHoax!

Well, now that you've opened that door. . .we must conclude that:


Pat Broeker is the patron saint of disgraced, exiled and surveilled loyal officers.




Originally Posted By ILove2Lurk


SaintPat_zpshomqjvsj.jpg





...

Patron Saint Of
Preposterously Bombastic Bullshit

Dan_Sherman-e1437425505595.jpg


Dan Sherman is the "LRH Biographer"--
Meaning......he goes to work every day with
his mullet and his thesaurus and sits at a desk
endlessly fabricating grandiloquent lies, carefully shrouding
them in nonsensical rhetorical flourishes and applause cues.

 
Last edited:

This is NOT OK !!!!

Gold Meritorious Patron
...

tl;dr

(too ludicrous; did repost)

From the thread on Scientology Saints...






[/B]
attachment.php







...

Patron Saint Of
Preposterously Bombastic Bullshit

Dan_Sherman-e1437425505595.jpg


Dan Sherman is the "LRH Biographer"--
Meaning......he goes to work every day with
his mullet and his thesaurus and sits at a desk
endlessly fabricating grandiloquent lies, carefully shrouding
them in nonsensical rhetorical flourishes and applause cues.


Wait!

There's a thread on Scientology Saints?

I have a pain in my zorch!

Could one of these saints help?

Do I pray to them?

Should I use my meter to locate them in the theta universe and 2WC a process between them and my zorch?

Shit, I have to stop C/Sing my own case - somebody help!
 
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