....
<PART ONE of this thread can be found here: http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21633-Top-100-Stupid-Moments-in-Scientology. M3375>
(REDUX): "Clears do not get colds" -L. Ron Hubbard
REGISTRAR
So, let me just add all that up and
deducts your IAS discount and also
give you the Sliding Scale discount
and if you pay today, I can also
deduct the very special Advanced
Payment discount. You do want all
those discounts, so let's get this paid
into your account today. Just give
me your charge cards now and
we'll get your eternity secured for you.
PRECLEAR
But you didn't tell me how much the
Golden Age of Tech Clear Special
Intensive was.
REGISTRAR
Oh, well, let's see, with the set-up auditing
you'll need two intensives. Your security check
is one intensive. We need a pledge of one intensive
in case you run out of hours. And then there's another
2 intensives for your Stability Rundown. And you have
been assigned Biff Bloughdown, our top auditor--so
the rate on his super standard Flag Only quality
auditing is 20% more than normal auditors. He
just returned from Flag, you know, and he's the top
auditor in the entire Ideal Org!
PRECLEAR
Well yeah, he's the top auditor in the org
because isn't he the only auditor in the org?
REGISTRAR
I'm going to ignore that Q & A and get right
to the heart of the matter. Do you want your
eternity or not? There a ton of other people
who are waiting for Mr. Bloughdown to
be their auditor and--
PRECLEAR
Okay, okay, okay--but you still didn't tell
me how much this Clear intensive is going
to cost. And why is it called the Clear "intensive"
anyways when have to buy all those other "intensives"?
REGISTRAR
The total is going to be 29,999 dollars.
I'll need those charge cards now.
PRECLEAR
Jeez! Thirty grand?! But I already
spent $ 159,000 to go Clear. Now
I have to spend another $29,999 to
find out if I really went Clear?
REGISTRAR
(coughs, sniffs, sneezes)
Well yes. And remember, the Stability
Rundown is in your special package too.
PRECLEAR
Yeah, I meant to ask you about that.
WTF is a Stability Rundown?
REGISTRAR
Well it is the newest breakthrough on why
a being loses their gain and rollercoasters. Everyone
who has ever been sick gets that so that they never
ever get sick again for the rest of eternity.
PRECLEAR
Isn't that just the PTS Rundown with a new name?
REGISTRAR
(sneezes, sniffles)
Let's not get into self-auditing
and self-CS-ing here. Ron states
that a being should not try to handle
their own case.
PRECLEAR
Isn't that like when Ron said in DMSMH that
"...a Clear does not get colds"?
REGISTRAR
Yes, exactly.
PRECLEAR
Aren't you Clear?
REGISTRAR
Certainly!
PRECLEAR
You have been sniffing and coughing
and sneezing for the past hour. Don't
you have a cold?
REGISTRAR
Um.....yes. But that's because I did
not have my Stability Rundown yet.
PRECLEAR
But how can a Clear get a cold if
Ron said Clears never get a cold?
REGISTRAR
Well, the Clear is clear on the first dynamic. The body
is composed of MEST, therefore it is on the 6th dynamic.
PRECLEAR
LOL. That sounds like bullshit! If you are
Clear why do you have a cold?
REGISTRAR
Um....well, I am PTS. Ron states that
a Clear is still a Clear even when they are
PTS and acting sick, reactive and abberated. So,
let's secure your Clear and Eternity now before
you get sick, reactive and abberated.
PRECLEAR
Wuttttt?
REGISTRAR
Listen, Scientology works. You'll understand
it much better when you are a Clear.
I used to reproach myself for every single physical failing, felt I wasn't making the grade.
....
<PART ONE of this thread can be found here: http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21633-Top-100-Stupid-Moments-in-Scientology. M3375>
(REDUX): "Clears do not get colds" -L. Ron Hubbard
REGISTRAR
So, let me just add all that up and
deducts your IAS discount and also
give you the Sliding Scale discount
and if you pay today, I can also
deduct the very special Advanced
Payment discount. You do want all
those discounts, so let's get this paid
into your account today. Just give
me your charge cards now and
we'll get your eternity secured for you.
PRECLEAR
But you didn't tell me how much the
Golden Age of Tech Clear Special
Intensive was.
REGISTRAR
Oh, well, let's see, with the set-up auditing
you'll need two intensives. Your security check
is one intensive. We need a pledge of one intensive
in case you run out of hours. And then there's another
2 intensives for your Stability Rundown. And you have
been assigned Biff Bloughdown, our top auditor--so
the rate on his super standard Flag Only quality
auditing is 20% more than normal auditors. He
just returned from Flag, you know, and he's the top
auditor in the entire Ideal Org!
PRECLEAR
Well yeah, he's the top auditor in the org
because isn't he the only auditor in the org?
REGISTRAR
I'm going to ignore that Q & A and get right
to the heart of the matter. Do you want your
eternity or not? There a ton of other people
who are waiting for Mr. Bloughdown to
be their auditor and--
PRECLEAR
Okay, okay, okay--but you still didn't tell
me how much this Clear intensive is going
to cost. And why is it called the Clear "intensive"
anyways when have to buy all those other "intensives"?
REGISTRAR
The total is going to be 29,999 dollars.
I'll need those charge cards now.
PRECLEAR
Jeez! Thirty grand?! But I already
spent $ 159,000 to go Clear. Now
I have to spend another $29,999 to
find out if I really went Clear?
REGISTRAR
(coughs, sniffs, sneezes)
Well yes. And remember, the Stability
Rundown is in your special package too.
PRECLEAR
Yeah, I meant to ask you about that.
WTF is a Stability Rundown?
REGISTRAR
Well it is the newest breakthrough on why
a being loses their gain and rollercoasters. Everyone
who has ever been sick gets that so that they never
ever get sick again for the rest of eternity.
PRECLEAR
Isn't that just the PTS Rundown with a new name?
REGISTRAR
(sneezes, sniffles)
Let's not get into self-auditing
and self-CS-ing here. Ron states
that a being should not try to handle
their own case.
PRECLEAR
Isn't that like when Ron said in DMSMH that
"...a Clear does not get colds"?
REGISTRAR
Yes, exactly.
PRECLEAR
Aren't you Clear?
REGISTRAR
Certainly!
PRECLEAR
You have been sniffing and coughing
and sneezing for the past hour. Don't
you have a cold?
REGISTRAR
Um.....yes. But that's because I did
not have my Stability Rundown yet.
PRECLEAR
But how can a Clear get a cold if
Ron said Clears never get a cold?
REGISTRAR
Well, the Clear is clear on the first dynamic. The body
is composed of MEST, therefore it is on the 6th dynamic.
PRECLEAR
LOL. That sounds like bullshit! If you are
Clear why do you have a cold?
REGISTRAR
Um....well, I am PTS. Ron states that
a Clear is still a Clear even when they are
PTS and acting sick, reactive and abberated. So,
let's secure your Clear and Eternity now before
you get sick, reactive and abberated.
PRECLEAR
Wuttttt?
REGISTRAR
Listen, Scientology works. You'll understand
it much better when you are a Clear.
Please, PLEASE! HelluvaHoax! Grab a camera, hire two actors (preferably some who have already played in $cientology films) and start a wonderful Youtube channel with these little gems!!
Irayam
(already
I have Larry's mobile phone number, in case you want it!
..
LOLOLOLOLOL
That is sooooooo temping! You have nooooooo idea.
Well, i know at least one actor that played in Scn films. Oh, Larrrrrrrrrry?
Here's a video that is an absolutely creepy cringefest of hideously bad acting. I dare anyone to watch from 0:50 to 1:05 and listen to that synthesized chuckling and then explain why a billion dollar organization with advanced technology and supernaturally knowing beings could not detect pathetically fake laughter.
[video=youtube;sgRoEPMmmvo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgRoEPMmmvo[/video]
And who can forget that monumental moment of macabre moronics at 6:58 (below):
[video=youtube;TgDFLraHpDk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgDFLraHpDk[/video]
"You can also dive off a bridge
and blow your brains out!"
...
The telephone rings in Larry's house. He picks it up. . .
LARRY
Helloooo?
HH
Hello Larry. I have an acting offer
you can't refuse.
LARRY
Who is this?
HH
It's HelluvaHoax! Just pay attention
to what I am telling you. This offer
comes along once in a lifetime.
Have I got your attention?
LARRY
I'm listening.
HH
Okay, I am producing a film. It will have so
many overwhelmingly cringey and hilariously creepy moments
about Scientology that nobody who sees it will ever
want to do any Scientology auditing or training
for the rest of eternity.
LARRY
I already did a film like that.
This has Mistupid written all over it...kinda like Battlefield Teegeeack where I read how he was all over that abortion with editing and cut scenes. Is it a good idea to have someone who never went to highschool running an international billion dollar company? Someone with no world exposure except through the lens of vistaril butt? Can it really get any stupider? (...background music of The Galactic Marching Song lilts away...)
Well, he did operate a movie camera once in the 1970's so he should be able to do all that.
Well, he did operate a movie camera once in the 1970's so he should be able to do all that.
Originally Posted by HelluvaHoax!
Well, now that you've opened that door. . .we must conclude that:
Pat Broeker is the patron saint of disgraced, exiled and surveilled loyal officers.
Originally Posted By ILove2Lurk
...
tl;dr
(too ludicrous; did repost)
From the thread on Scientology Saints...
[/B]
...
Patron Saint Of
Preposterously Bombastic Bullshit
Dan Sherman is the "LRH Biographer"--
Meaning......he goes to work every day with
his mullet and his thesaurus and sits at a desk
endlessly fabricating grandiloquent lies, carefully shrouding
them in nonsensical rhetorical flourishes and applause cues.
On Sunset Boulevard, 24/7/365, the Scientology Inc Billboard flashes these figures ~in order to lure the public in.