Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Re: Top 100 Stupid OT Moments in Scientology

    .


    :hysterical:

    I don't know who wouldn't want one of those trendy Trail-Blazer white faux leather jackets--because they make such a confident fashion statement, proudly signaling to everyone: "Hey, bitch, I just drove up here in a damn 1975 candy apple, metal-flake red Firebird Trans Am--the same bad boy that I used to drive to all those Trail-er-Trash carnivals where Evil Kenevil might show up and sign autographs!"

    However, I find those white pleather jackets very restimulative!

    I think I am experiencing wholetrack deja vu. . .


    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2017
  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Top 100 MILITARY MESSIAHS in Scientology

    ..

    When will the cult finally cognite?!

    Why are the masters of knowing-how-to-know always the last-to-know?


    un-retouched original photo from Tony Ortega's always entertaining & enlightening site: THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER

    [​IMG]


    When will they figure out that:

    * fanatic freaks in naval costumes, staring-and glaring-you-down, is not something anyone needed/wanted "on this planet". Hey guys, go back and re-do your "new non-existence formula", you're creeping people out "on this planet".

    * talking about the word "planet" (which obsessively punctuates every Scientologist's totally certain and altitudinous pronouncements) why are you people always depicting yourselves imperiously looming & lurking over a nearby globe? (EXAMPLE) Yes, we know that you believe you are "handling" the planet, but have you noticed at all that the planet is actually and quite devastatingly handling you?

    * we have talked to you so many times about that "Galactic" icon that adorns your fake military costumes--yet you keep flashing it publicly as though you are not already the most mercilessly reviled & ridiculed "religion" on this planet. Sure, we understand, you can't refuse to follow The Commodore's special briefing to Sea Org members where he carefully explained how proud you should be to wear the 75 million year old Xenu confederacy icon. You're expecting so much from that, we know--because Ron guaranteed you that if humans saw that double-wreath and star, they would automatically be restimulated into a wholetrack engram, whereupon they would immediately "OBEY!" you and your commands. Yes, Ron was very certain that everyone would obey you, and now you are very certain they are obeying you, right? (HELPFUL TIP FOR SO MEMBERS: Do a clay demo of why everywhere you go, wogs who see you begin line charging--and how your ethics presence is causing them to key out so heavily).





    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2017
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    ...


    The essential methodology by which Scientologists quickly spread stupid cult think (and avoids the "high crime" of verbal data) is by the clever device known as an "R-Factor" (reality factor). That's not a suppressive act because (um) it uses "reality"--which scientifically comprises 33.33% of the ARC Triangle. The ubiquitous "R-Factor" (aka a "Briefing") has two components:

    1) The BRIEFER who delivers the r-factor.

    2) The BRIEFEE who receives, duplicates and thereafter complies with the briefing "data".

    We have in the previous post a prime example of Hubbard "r-factoring" Scientologists that the Sea Org "Galactic" icon has talismanic power within it, which is very useful as a tool to conquer and enslave mankind on this planet. If you recall, just the mere sight of this icon immediately shatters any resistance to "command intention" by a Sea Org member!



    [​IMG]



    There are a near-infinite number of "Briefings" in Scientology. You can "brief" anyone on anything, as long as they are below you on the org board. By universal laws, the Briefer is empowered to trick anyone to do anything, by simply making up a WHOLETRACK PARABLE whose lesson must be followed if the planet is to be saved.

    OT III, iteself, is nothing more than a Briefing, albeit one that costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to attend.

    Remember the "Briefing" a few years ago where COB "briefed" Tom Cruise, who later angrily lectured ex-wife #3 that (holding hand above head), "LRH IS UP HERE!" Then lowering his hand to scalp level: "COB IS HERE!" Then lowering his hand slightly to eye-level: "AND I AM HERE!" Tom had huge wins on that briefing that he wanted so badly to share with others, lol

    People often wonder how a billionaire movie star like Tom Cruise can be so easily manipulated. The answer is "Briefings" Okay, here's how COB could make Cruise believe/do virtually ANYTHING, as long as the briefing was on proper trajectory.


    COB
    Hey Tom, I need to give you an urgent, very special VIP Briefing!

    MR. CRUISE
    Really? I'll be right over!

    CUT TO: Somewhere in a super-secret underground briefing vault.

    COB
    Tom, remember when I gave you a gold medallion for being the
    world's most dedicated Scientologist?

    MR. CRUISE
    Yes, sir, I do. I still regard my $25 million dollar donation that prevented
    a nuclear war in the Middle East when we air-dropped over 1 billion
    Arabic Way To Happiness pamphlets on terrorist training camps,
    with yellow highlighter on the precept:
    "Do Not Murder People Who Don't Deserve It!"

    COB
    That's right, Tom. But now we have something bigger
    that I need your help to handle. Much bigger.

    MR. CRUISE
    If's its ripping other celebrities a new asshole, like I did with Brooke
    Shields and Matt Lauer, I am locked-and-loaded sir, ready to roll!

    COB
    No, Tom,it's even bigger than that! It's something in a totally
    confidential briefing that LRH gave me before he departed
    for Target II back in 1986.....he saw the future and predicted
    everything that would happen!! I swear to God, Tom, when
    you and Scientology's only other parishioner that is qualified
    get this briefing, your mind willl be blown beyond imagination
    and planetary clearing will be come a reality!

    MR. CRUISE
    Wow!


    [AFTER THE VIP BRIEFING ]



    [​IMG]

    !!! SUCCESS STORY !!!

    I can't reveal too much about the Super-OT Briefing, but I can say this.
    Only two people in the world had the necessary quals to attend it.
    It has to do with level of havingness--and only myself and
    Bob Duggan were allowed to hear the briefing, which was
    personally delivered by COB himself! Well, back in 1986 LRH
    predicted that the world would fall apart and destroy
    itself. And before that all the countries in the world would
    attack and sue and criminally prosecute leading Scientologists
    like COB and myself. LRH stated that the only handling to
    guarantee mankind's eternity was if we bought an Ideal Island
    where we would secure our own sovereign country! Naturally
    this plan had to be kept 110% confidential until we had "pulled it
    off". Well, now we have pulled it off. Both Bob Dugan and I
    donated a half-billion dollars each and that was the downpayment
    needed to buy the island. The deal is now closed and Scientology
    owns its own country!!! We are going to join the fucking United
    Nation and get our own fucking army and eventually our
    own nuclear fucking
    weapons!! THE WAR IS OVER! THE WAR
    IS OVER! THE WAR IS OVER! THE WAR IS OVER!!!!!!!!
    So anyways, I didn't believe it at first, but then COB showed me
    the Sea Org galactic, double wreath icon and read me
    LRH's own words explaining what it means. You see this wreath
    on the left? That is LRH himself! And the reciprocal right left?
    Why, that is COB himself! And do you see what is in the middle?
    A star, right? Well, LRH said that star is me. A movie star! The
    world's biggest movie star! I can't tell you how overjoyed I
    am to find out my true destiny. This is reality people! That's
    why they call it a reality factor, can you fucking DB
    small beings even duplicate this shit?!!! God damn, keep
    going on your bridge, people, so you can eventually get your
    screwed up havingness level up enough to save entire planets!

    ML,

    Tom ("Mr.") Cruise

     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2017
  4. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased


    Shouldn't Tom as an OT and a Super Power completion know about spatial references and, more importantly, correct spatial references? To be correct Tom would have to lower his hand to about waist high and say, "COB IS HERE!"
     
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    ..

    This ain't no shoop.

    This ain't no Poe's Law.

    This ain't no spoof.

    This ain't no (dianetic) disco.

    The shit just got real. . .



    [​IMG]


    See Sally Sea Org!

    Obnose Sally Sea Org handling the planet!

    Spot Sally Sea Org's high-toned, super VVGIs! (very vicious glaring indicators)

    Sally Sea Org is warning us her fanatical fatwa is determined to CREATE A SANE PLANET!

    Sally Sea Org's Jihad makes her willing TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!

    Sally Sea Org has the resources & tone 40 intention to pull it off!

    Sally Sea Org is locked & loaded, ready to clear this mud ball!



    What then is inside Sally Sea Org's briefcase that
    will allow her to achieve her cosmic clearing mission?





    THIS IS A CONTEST--FEEL FREE TO SEND IN YOUR ANSWERS!


    The Grand Prize Winner will be awarded a lapel pin featuring

    Sally Sea Org's resting [STRIKE]bitch[/STRIKE] ethics-presence face.
    Wear it around other Scientologists and notice your compliance
    stats soaring to unprecedented highest-evers!


     
  6. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    My guess is that it's a loaded Vistaril syringe just waiting and ready for Ron's lard ass!












    It's time for another shot of...

    VISTARIL PUPPY!!


    [​IMG]
    SCIENTOLOGY: STICK A SYRINGE OF VISTARIL IN IT

    …Ron, it's time for your booster...​
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2017
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    ..

    . .

    ANSWER: Sea Org Sally has the solution to planetary clearing right there, inside her briefcase! It's a tiny Kingston 2 terabyte flash drive!



    [​IMG]




    SEA ORG SALLY'S SUCCESS STORY

    Using the most recent technical advances, we now have
    reached the point where planetary Clearing has become
    a reality! The key to this is inside my briefcase in the form
    of a small memory stick that can has neutralized all of the
    counter-intention against Ron's goal of a Clear planet that
    is coming from bitter apostates, former celebrities, former
    Clears and former OTs that have blown and then squirreled
    Ron's tech by suppressively using their Grade 0 powers to
    communicate freely to others on any subject, especially
    when they told others our sacred secrets!! But now we
    have shuddered those SPs into silence with this tiny
    memory stick--that contains scans of 100 million pages
    of the SPs' worksheets and 100 hours of session
    surveillance videos where they confess to masturbating!
    If they even say one more word about "the hole" or COB
    beating staff or our fair game black ops stalking and
    terror campaigns against former members, we simply
    upload all those docs and video footage to
    Freedom Magazine, right?! With all their CI
    removed, our enemies have been eliminated
    and we can now move in and immediately
    achieve planetary Clearing, on this planet.
     
  8. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    Get them while they are young.

    [​IMG]
     
  9. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased


    Shit! I wanted that lapel pin...
     
  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Top 100 Stupid TONE 40 APPLAUSE Moments in Scientology

    .

    A cringey video from another thread reminded me of something that was intolerably stupid even when I was in the cult! The virtue-signaling, faux-win-celebrating, euphoric tone 40 clapping!

    -----





    Remember when Tom Cruise, the "World's Most Dedicated Scientologist," R-factored (Rage-factored) Katie Holmes about his big being altitude and rank, on this planet?

    With blinkless fire in his eyes he brought his hand up above his head and announced: "LRH IS HERE!"

    Then, with sinister stealth, he lowered his hand to scalp level: "COB IS HERE!"

    And with fanatic finality, lowering his hand to eye level, he hissed: "AND I AM HERE!"

    Mr. Cruise's chest heaved with adrenaline-fueled ferocity as he proudly contemplated his sacred role-- as one of only 3 astonishingly able "Big Beings" upon whose shoulders rested the daunting task of saving mankind on this planet!

    But that's not all you get if you join the cult today, we proudly announce--



    A Cult Clapping Curiosity!
    "Just like the Tone Scale--but wayyyy more scientific!"



    THE E-SCALE

    [​IMG]


    Elbow Elevation Evaluation
    SCALE


    "A precision methodology for instantly
    determining a comrade's Degree of Dedication!"




    Mr. Cruise furiously claps at nose/knows level: "MY APPLAUDING ELBOW ELEVATION IS WAY UP HERE!"

    Then Cruise disdainfully glances at his entourage: "WHOEVER THAT GEEK IN THE BLACK DRESS IS, HER ELBOWS ARE NOT LIKE TOTALLY ELEVATED OR DEDICATED OR WHATEVER!"

    He then dramatically accelerates his clapping rapidity of particle flow, while r-factorings everyone within listening distance: "I MEAN, LIKE, JUST LOOK AT DB DAN SHERMAN'S ELBOWS. HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE LRH BIOGRAPHER BUT HIS ELBOW ALTITUDE IS SO IMPOTENT HE CAN'T EVEN GET IT UP!"

    Suddenly, the moviestar messiah notices Katie and shoots her a horrified look: "WTF?! I JUST OBNOSED THAT KATIE HAS LIKE TOTALLY DOWNWARD SPIRALING ELBOWS! SHE CAN NEVER BECOME A SECTOR-SALVAGING CULT CLAPPER OF MY UNPRECEDENTED MAGNITUDE! NOTE TO SELF--HAVE COB START TAPPING HER PHONES AND BEGIN FAIR GAME BLACK OPS. THEN FACE RIP AND KR COB FOR SABOTAGING ME BY RECRUITING A 2D TERMINAL THAT IS ACTUALLY A WRONG ITEM!"
     
  11. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    OK, I can forgive a lot of stupidity, but, this *Thursday by 2 PM* shit just has GOT TO END !

    25 years out & even if in all innocence someone wants something done BY Thursday ? OSOD.

    Your birthday is on Thursday ? Forgetaboutit, I'll see you Friday.
    When my birthday falls on a Thursday ? Friday we'll talk.

    You need a ride home from the hospital on Thursday ? Call Uber.

    I don't do nothing on Thursday all frickin day long !

    WTF is this Thursday @ 2 insanity ? Doesn't THAT say it all ?





    *Thursday by 2 PM* : Why did I finish every course, every internship& every level before *Thursday by 2 PM* ?
     
  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .


    photo from Mike Rinder's blog, that has been doing an outstanding job of covering the cult's "Volunteer Minister" hoax.


    [​IMG]


    Hey, planet clearers!

    Something
    WAS done about it!

    That's why your ideal orgs and "disaster relief" booth are empty.

    Guess you'll just have to handle your disaster by yourself.



    ( ps: kindly send Commendation Reports
    to all defrocked apostates, critics & SPs!)
     
  13. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Too funny !The little cult got an EZ UP complete with banners BUT the public has long since gotten wise to their scam so no more money for the cult !
     
  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    .

    GYPSIES & GYP-Ts (Gyp Thetans): Part I

    From time to time I have posted the eerie parallels and striking similarities between gypsy PSYCHIC THERAPISTS ("advisors") and SCIENTOLOGY THERAPISTS ("auditors").

    Like this post back in 2009:



     
  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    .


    GYPSIES & GYP-Ts
    (Gyp Thetans): Part II


    From today's newspaper. . . See what I mean? LOL





    The hilarious part of all this is that if a Scientology OT read this post, they would be both confused and aghast. Probably because they were unable to obnose any similarities at all between PSYCHICS and SCIENTOLOGISTS. LOL

    Seriously how is the "PSYCHIC ADVISOR" scam different in any way?! (besides being less expensive for the same OT results/abilities)
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2017
  16. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    If you really want to help. How much of that money will go for blankets. LOL


    [TABLE="width: 552"]
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    [TD]VM DISASTER RELIEF IN THE WAKE OF HURRICANE HARVEY
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    [TD]Hurricane Harvey made landfall in Texas on 25 August at 11pm. As a category 4 hurricane with 130 miles per hour winds (209 kilometers per hour), this is the strongest storm to hit Texas in over 50 years.

    An IAS emergency grant was immediately provided to deploy hundreds of Volunteer Ministers to assist in the disaster response.

    Hurricane Harvey has already caused record rainfall, damaging neighborhoods and causing life-threatening flooding.

    The storm has also flooded parts of Houston, the largest city in Texas. Torrential rains are expected to continue for several more days.

    In immediate response, a cavalcade of 14 VM vans and trucks are bringing in vitally needed supplies for emergency shelters. This includes three larger trucks able to navigate the heavier flood zones due to their size.

    VM headquarters have been set up in Austin, Texas, with 130 volunteers on the ground providing help. VMs have come from all over the USA including as far as Los Angeles, New York and Tampa. Also on location is the world-renowned search and rescue team Los Topos who deployed to Rockport, Texas, where the hurricane made landfall.
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    [TD]Volunteer Ministers arrive to an emergency shelter set up in the Houston Convention Center and begin distributing supplies
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    [TD="bgcolor: #d71920"]DONATE NOW[/TD]
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    [TD]The VMs further deployed to shelters including the largest one in Houston with nine-thousand men, women and children who have been forced from their homes. One VM on site reported the shelter he was at received 2,000 more arrivals overnight.

    Among the requested items the VMs are providing are hygiene kits, towels and bedding, as well as cribs, baby formula and supplies.

    VMs are additionally bringing one-on-one assistance to those in need.

    Calls have been flooding in to the VM International Hotline from Scientologists and non-Scientologists alike, offering help and asking to volunteer.

    With continued IAS support, the next 100 VMs are already enroute, with more vehicles being scheduled and loaded to bring further supplies and volunteers to help in this disaster.

    If you would like to help as a Volunteer Minister, please contact the International Scientology Headquarters in Los Angeles at:

    1-800 HELP-4-YU or +1(323) 960 1949.

    Everyone else can help by making a donation to the IAS today.
    [/TD]
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    [TD]Donate today. Volunteer Minister disaster response is made possible only through your support of the IAS. It is one of the vital programs funded by IAS grants. Make a donation today.[/TD]
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    [TD]Data provided by the Church of Scientology International.[/TD]
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    [TD]© 20‌17 IASA. All Rights Reserved. Scientology, the Scientology cross (rounded) and the Scientology Volunteer Ministers symbol are trademarks and service marks owned by Religious Technology Center. "Scientologist" is a collective membership mark designating members of the affiliated churches and missions of Scientology. IAS Administrations is a nonprofit organization contracted to provide services to the members of the IAS. #4073-5

    Mailed from 6331 Hollywood Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90028
    If you wish to be taken off this mailing list, please write to the address below:

    IAS Administrations
    1311 N. New Hampshire Ave
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  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .




    IAS, the International Association of Scammers are hard at work!

    Gratuitous natter to follow:

    Here is a quote from their generality-laden, chest-thumping, self-congratulatory PR caper: "One VM on site reported the shelter he was at received 2,000 more arrivals overnight." This is entirely meaningless. Let me help the COS (Crimewave of Scientology) write the copy for their next humanitarian crusade. They don't even have to travel anywhere to achieve greatness!

    "One VM on site reported that the medical clinic he was at treated 2000 homeless patients!" This could be "achieved" when a VM living in Los Angeles took a bus downtown and sat for a bit in the waiting room of a free clinic that treats homeless people. Nothing to do with him/her or the IAS. But they were "at" the clinic (for 5 minutes) and the clinic did see 2000 patients that month.

    The slick promo contains countless other bits of dark rhetorical legerdemain, this next one being a fine example:

    "Everyone else can help by making a donation to the IAS today."

    Really? How entirely stupid is that? A hurricane devastates wogs in Texas. So Scientologists should donate more money to the IAS.

    The IAS!?!

    That's the International Association of Scientologists! Why in the world would anyone wanting to help wogs in Texas donate money to Scientologists! That makes no sense whatsoever, considering that the Int'l Association of SCIENTOLOGISTS uses its money to benefit---SCIENTOLOGY!

    When in the 67 year history of Scientology has it ever donated its cash to wogs? Never.

    So, recapping: Wogs are in desperate need. So, give a lying, treacherous cult money, even though it has BILLIONS of dollars of unused cash in its bank accounts.

    How completely insane is it for people to donate money to SCIENTOLOGISTS in order to help WOGS?

    Scientologists get the money?! And then what? ("Just trust us, we know what to do with the money")

    There is not even any slightest connection between the two concepts. In Scientology (like orders, Com Evs, Declares and responsibility) never flow UP the command channel, only down. Same with money. It never flows from upstat IAS Scientologists down to downstat DB wogs.

    Never.

    Only a Scientologist could clay demo this demented, delusory "Big Lie" deception!
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2017
  18. Anonycat

    Anonycat Crusader

    That would be "out-exchange", which is "off-source". In English rather than cultspeak, donating money, goods or services, is in direct violation of Hubbard's strict "Scripture"!

    The IAS is an out-exchange machine! They pressure scientology clients to give them millions! Tax exempt religions are REQUIRED by law, to engage in charitable work. They NEVER have!

    https://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?keyword_list=scientology&bay=search.results
     
  19. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    This was really the wrong place for this, it isn't in the least funny.

    People are in real need and even the tapped out public Scn care . The cult is taking much needed resources from people in desperate need. Talk about lack of compassion.
     
  20. Anonycat

    Anonycat Crusader

    Donations:



    City and County Officials Urge People to Donate to Hurricane Relief Fund

    August 29, 2017


    HOUSTON – In the wake of the devastating effects of Hurricane Harvey, individuals may want to donate to help affected residents. Houston Mayor Sylvester Turner and Harris County Judge Ed Emmett are urging people who wish help affected residents to donate money to recognized charities that are currently engaged in the response and recovery.


    After receiving an overwhelming number of inquiries from citizens and companies who want to help, Mayor Sylvester Turner and County Judge Ed Emmett have established the Hurricane Harvey Relief Fund that will accept tax deductible flood relief donations for victims that have been affected by the recent floods.


    To donate, vist:
    ghcf.org/hurricane-relief The fund will be housed at the Greater Houston Community Foundation, a 501(c)(3) public charity.

    While some may feel compelled to donate specific household items to disaster survivors, please remember that this may create a burden on responding agencies, as they must collect, sort, clean, and distribute items.

    The City and County have activated a joint donations management program with various non-profit agencies to manage requests. A phone line has been established by the Houston Food Bank to handle questions about donations.


    Residents, organizations, companies and groups may call:
    (800) 924-5985 between the hours of 9:00am to 5:00pm Monday through Friday to ask questions about making donations.

    ___________________________________________________________________

    Sylvester Turner, Mayor of Houston is celebrating Houston's Birthday.



    HAPPY 181st BIRTHDAY, HOUSTON! Give Houston the best birthday gift: DONATE to our #Harvey relief and recovery efforts!
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
    To donate, visit: ghcf.org/hurricane-relief
    Residents, organizations, companies and groups may call: (800) 924-5985
    More info here:
    http://www.houstonemergency.org/city-and-county-officials-…/
     

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