Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    I'm not sure about donating to those charitable organizations. I mean, I would much rather donate my money to a religion (like Scn) where they are religious and thus can be trusted to use the money for rescuing hurricane victims.

    Right now, the COS is offering quite a deal for humanitarians donating to the IAS!

    * 100% of the funds donated will be used for the greatest good for the dynamics of hurricane victims.

    * Donors will receive a substantial discount (10%) on their purchase of WTH booklets!

    * Best of all, the new WTH "HURRICANE EDITION" has been printed on waterproof paper with waterproof ink! That way as our yellow VM rescue boat zooms by people treading water, we can simply toss the WTH booklets overboard so they can read them even before one of the rescue boats finds them and picks them up. We can't possibly fit all those treading victims into our boat because a) They don't have yellow VM t-shirts; b) they look really wet, exhausted and downstat--totally unqualified to be in our church's uptone photo ops!; c) We just don't want to hear the constant natter. They are all complaining with entheta like "I'm freezing!" and "I am starving and dehydrated, give me something before I pass out and die!!!". Per the Code Of Honor, Ron states that we don't have to compromise our reality and listen to all that shit!​

    SEND YOUR DONATIONS TO THE IAS TODAY! Anyone who buys at least 10,000 waterproof WTH booklets will get a free lapel pin depicting VM's leaning out of our boat and giving touch assists to drawing people!
     
  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    ..

    Scientology is ever-so-proud of their Volunteer Ministers.

    They are 1.5M members strong, ya know!!!

    Here's proof of their stats.

    It's written on their website.

    So it must be true!

    Here's the exact headline from their Scientology's website.





    1,500,000!!! Pretty impressive, right?

    And they're not just some amateur doctors. They are highly skilled, having trained extensively!! Don't take my word for it, here's the cut/paste right from their website!



    Now, we must emphasize (again!) that these are not just amateurs and charlatans and quacks pretending to be doctors. Because these are real trauma victims who have been seriously injured! These victims need immediate professional medical care!

    Knowing the urgency of their patient's dire needs, Scientology doesn't use mere doctors, because they have something far greater!

    Professional Touch Assist Specialists--who have done a clay demo of a finger and drilled touching people on a doll!


    TORNADO VICTIM WINS!!!


    [​IMG]



    The patient is unconscious, but that is not a problem.
    The Touch Assist guy continues touching his body
    with a finger and saying "FEEL MY FINGER"....
    One can hardly doubt his medical expertise
    when the evidence is right there--a yellow
    t-shirt and the earnest expression on
    his face that proves his faith
    that touching the victim's
    broken clavicle is
    somehow
    magically
    helping
    him
    !








    (tornado shaped copy-formatting provided at no extra cost!)
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2017
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Top 100 Stupid CENTRAL FILES Moments in Scientology

    .


    :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical:


    That post is so richly embedded with the cult's chaotically corrupt and cretinous counterfactual concept & calculation of causatively creating customers!

    Imagine if Ford Motor Company operated on Hubbard's CF policy!!

    -----






     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2017
  4. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Did you not mention they must buy before 2 PM Thursday ?

    Sheesh.
     
  5. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Top 100 Stupid things Scientologists do during disasters....

    https://www.facebook.com/elena.lyons.9/videos/10212311980967417/

    27,000 items on the plane?

    My bet - diapers and Way to Happiness Booklets...:whistling:

    Grant Cardone and his TWO-DEE, Elena, probably need to get up that Bridge. The cult members are forced to put on a smoke and mirrors performance to get accepted onto their Oat Tea levels of auditing off clusters of Body Thetans whilst donating tons of money to Scientology.

    Gold and SMP videos are being produced right now - to show at the upcoming Scientology events....these will keep the "sheeple" guzzling that kool aid....and it will Keep Scientology Working....for a while....

    Then there is the weekly tropical storm that won't quit - It hits each Tuesday!

    HURRICANE LEAH!

    Sorry Grant Cardone and Elena - There is NO relief for that one!
     
  6. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    HISSSSSSSSS TERICAL! :hysterical::roflmao::lol::giggle::giggle::giggle::giggle::giggle::goodposting:
     
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    .

    Outstanding post. You have illuminated one of Scientology's darkest & dirtiest little secrets!

    This one. . .



    and this one. . .


    Many ex-scientologists never quite get a clear-headed handle on this diabolical little mind-control trick. They just "write off" the vast sums they wasted on "donations"--as a fated consequence of their naivety, gullibility or stupidity. Well, it is all those things, but so much more!

    Deeply and pervasively embedded within Hubbard's "policy" is the fanatical mandate that Scientology already owns this planet and everything on it. And of course by "Scientology" we really mean senior management.

    And naturally, "Senior Management" really means just the cult's c-suite messiah du jour (Commodore and/or COB). Here is but one exemplar quote (1) from Hubbard's sacred "scripture":


    "You are the people the planet obeys!
    You are the people who own the planet!"
    L. Ron Hubbard


    Quite surprisingly, recently published scientific research has revealed that Hubbard's disconcerting idea may in fact have historical resonance. To wit, a panel of world renowned psychologists, sociologists & anthropologists discovered that this ostensibly anomalous attitude has been found in homo sapiens in more than just this modern era.

    They were even miraculously able to restore and translate a scrap of ancient lost-language papyri--that contained a special word that identified persons who believed themselves to have a certain entitlement to the planet and its contents.

    Thieves.
     
  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Top 100 Stupid ON THIS PLANET Moments in Scientology

    ..

    A very huge win for Billy Blowdown!

    He is featured in this month's Advance! magazine, promoting OT VIII !!!


    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2017
  9. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Yikes ! Is Billy holding hand grenades ?
     
  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    LOL

    In truth, Billy Blowdown will pretty much hold anything that even looks like auditing cans.

    One time, after a mindblowingly miraculous Solo Nots session, Billy turned in his worksheets that were overflowing with causative cognitions, wondrous wins, breathtaking blowdowns and fabulous F/Ns!

    And all that while mistakenly holding diet Pepsi cans!

    Yes, kind of thing happened often to Billy because he was chronically so blown out that he often had few or no attention units in the MEST universe! It's an OT thing.

    Making it more absurd, it turns out that the full Pepsi cans were not even plugged in! When he was sent to cramming, Billy stated: "Hey, I live in the theta universe so I don't let myself get derailed with facts and other reality-based DevT." When the Cramming Officer kept insisting he do a clay demo of why a meter won't have any reads if the cans are not plugged in---Billy just laughed and promptly wrote yet another Success Story about how he was able to endow some of his theta-endowment to the meter so that it too had knowingness!
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2017
  11. Churchill

    Churchill Gold Meritorious Patron

    Volunteer Ministers risk life and limb getting photos of other VM's appearing to be doing something really important, on this planet. IMG_1230.JPG
     
  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .


    LOL

    With the shocking attrition of active Scientologists--and the even more minuscule percentage of those remaining being interested at all in paying $500,000 for magical OT levels that don't work--the few stragglers that still hang around are only interested in procuring quick, easy and cheap Commendation Reports, Certificates and Statuses!


    VOLUNTEER MINISTERS - IDEAL SCENE
    [​IMG]

    NOBODY IS DOING ANYTHING, SO THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO DO--
    EXCEPT GET IN YOUR "FLOW THREE" ON THIS PLANET
    (Others Taking Photos of Others Taking Photos of Photo Ops)
     
  13. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    Trying to see if I understand how to post.

    Special message from Maggie. They only need a little more.

    • (211)

    • View this email in your browser

      Church of Scientology Kansas City
      2 East 39th Street
      Kansas City, Missouri 64111

      Hello!

      Our future Ideal Org building is in the Crossroads District of Kansas City which is the Art District.
      It has been undergoing a lot of restoration. All the empty buildings surrounding our future building are under construction and being rehabbed. A new trolley line was put in a block east of our building, which spans Crown Center through downtown to the City Market. There are hundreds of small clubs and art galleries in this district. It is a busy, upbeat and very cool neighborhood.

      We held an event last night in our future Ideal Org Building. We had about 25-30 public and some staff. We all went out and passed out promo, in less than 15 minutes we passed out 500 pieces of promo with LRH quotes about art. I then gave a tour of our future Ideal Org building and some history of the building. I think that was the first event where we passed out promo!

      Everyone got a chance to experience "First Friday". It is a monthly event on the first Friday of every month where all the galleries are open, the food trucks come out, there are concerts and street musicians and fun everywhere. The crowd is upstat, uptone and very friendly.

      I wanted everyone to get a reality on what it will be like on the Div 6 public lines. It was crazy. It was like times square on New Years eve. There were wall to wall people all around our building as well as in the streets and around the neighborhood. I think everyone was blown away. Until you actually see it, its a bit unbelievable.

      Without any body routing or solicitation in about 30 minutes 30 people walked into our future Ideal Org building wondering what was happening and what we were doing. I toured them and answered their questions about Scientology. It was so much fun. Its really exciting. If our building was open we would have had over a thousand people in the lobby viewing the displays without any effort. This is a dream come true. Image the possibilities.

      If you want to be part of the biggest Scientology expansion in the United States and the Midwest, create big effects and help get thousands on the Bridge please help us pull off this target. We need to raise another 2.4 million to start our construction. And we want to start next month.

      We have all worked very hard for the last 10 years on this project. Its time to get it done and get down to the business of clearing the Midwest. Please help us make this target we only have a few weeks. Move up in status and create the largest Ideal Org here in the Midwest with the biggest Division 6 in the Untied States. You can be a hero and create a beautiful, creative future for millions of people!

      Love Maggie
      Executive Director
      Kansas City
     
  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    LOL.

    I knew it was only a matter of time before Scientologists would discover derivitives for the all-purpose, confidence-boosting, altitude-altering, gravitas-inducing trope "on this planet".

    Without further delay, we proudly present you with the newest entry into the lexicon of:

    RIDICULOUS RON RHETORIC
    & OTHER CURIOUS CULT CLICHES

    ON THIS PLANET & IN OUR BUILDING


    Church of Scientology Kansas City
    2 East 39th Street

    Kansas City, Missouri 64111

    Hello!

    Our future Ideal Org building is in the Crossroads District of Kansas City which is the Art District.

    It has been undergoing a lot of restoration. All the empty buildings surrounding our future building are under construction and being rehabbed. A new trolley line was put in a block east of our building, which spans Crown Center through downtown to the City Market. There are hundreds of small clubs and art galleries in this district. It is a busy, upbeat and very cool neighborhood.

    We held an event last night in our future Ideal Org Building. We had about 25-30 public and some staff. We all went out and passed out promo, in less than 15 minutes we passed out 500 pieces of promo with LRH quotes about art. I then gave a tour of our future Ideal Org building and some history of the building. I think that was the first event where we passed out promo!

    Everyone got a chance to experience "First Friday". It is a monthly event on the first Friday of every month where all the galleries are open, the food trucks come out, there are concerts and street musicians and fun everywhere. The crowd is upstat, uptone and very friendly.

    I wanted everyone to get a reality on what it will be like on the Div 6 public lines. It was crazy. It was like times square on New Years eve. There were wall to wall people all around our building as well as in the streets and around the neighborhood. I think everyone was blown away. Until you actually see it, its a bit unbelievable.

    Without any body routing or solicitation in about 30 minutes 30 people walked into our future Ideal Org building wondering what was happening and what we were doing. I toured them and answered their questions about Scientology. It was so much fun. Its really exciting. If our building was open we would have had over a thousand people in the lobby viewing the displays without any effort. This is a dream come true. Image the possibilities.

    If you want to be part of the biggest Scientology expansion in the United States and the Midwest, create big effects and help get thousands on the Bridge please help us pull off this target. We need to raise another 2.4 million to start our construction. And we want to start next month.

    We have all worked very hard for the last 10 years on this project. Its time to get it done and get down to the business of clearing the Midwest. Please help us make this target we only have a few weeks. Move up in status and create the largest Ideal Org here in the Midwest with the biggest Division 6 in the Untied States. You can be a hero and create a beautiful, creative future for millions of people!

    Love

    Maggie
    Executive Director
    Kansas City



    Holy Hell! Aside from that letter being a cringey cult cluster of creepy cliches ("Ideal", "upstat", "uptone", "biggest Scn expansion", "create big effects", "get thousands on the bridge", "clearing the midwest", "millions of people", "move up in status", et al) the organization's top executive (Maggie) openly admits that after 10 years of working on it, they are still at least $2.4 million short.

    Think of it! The most able and supernaturally powerful OTs on this planet want to sell you their TOTAL CAUSE TECHNOLOGY. To get it, you have to give them $500,000. Yet, their miraculous tech (that makes the able more able) is not able to create a single ideal auditing room so they can deliver their ideal tech in an ideal building. Ten years and they still can't deliver their miraculous clearing tech because they can't figure out how to rent a tiny 10x10 sq. foot room they can furnish with a desk and two chairs!

    What's that you say, Maggie? You say that Ron's intergalactic sector-salvaging tech won't work if the floor is wood or linoleum? What's that? It has to be imported ideal Italian marble?

    Yeah, that's what we thought--we'll just add that one to the list of our favorite planet clearers':

    "TOP FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND REASONS
    (
    BESIDES 'WE DON'T DO PARLOR TRICKS')
    WHY WE CAN'T CLEAR THE PLANET OR
    PROVE SCIENTOLOGY WORKS ON THIS PLANET"
     
  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .
    Footnote to the previous post, which celebrates the cliche "our (ideal) building" as the new "on this planet".

    They endlessly pitch and chant the meaningless expressions "our building" and "ideal org" at each other and themselves. It's a sort of self-induced hypno-euphoric "thumb" to stick in the dike--in order to prevent the unleash of an entheta tsunami (i.e. facts/reality) on themselves.

    R-FACTOR TO SCIENTOLOGISTS: It's not "our" building. It's not "your" building. It's not Scientologists' building. It's not the Church of Scientology's building. And, there is nothing even remotely "Ideal" about any of this. The building belongs to one person and they're a violently psychotic SP criminal. WHAT TO DO: Clay demo how looking at a complete disaster and thereafter compulsively chanting the mantra "Ideal" is not actually ideal.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2017
  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Really cool post by Anon1 that had some very refreshingly zen-simple observations. . .

    ------

    Great! I love the smell of clarity in the morning!

    [ "A Scientology 'church' is not at all called a church by Scientology......." ]:
    That is a remarkable insight. The subject (church vs. business) is often discussed amongst critics, but I don't ever remember anyone making that laser focused observation. It's very illuminating that Scientologists (behind closed doors) don't call it a church when talking to each other! Only people within the secret society know full well that it's an "organization" that measures its sacred soul-salvaging success by graphing fanatically micromanaged "GROSS INCOME" statistics.

    There may be one exception to the rule of Scientologists calling it an "org" rather than a church:


    NEW PRECLEAR
    I still don't see why it is so outrageously
    expensive to go up the Bridge.

    REGISTRAR
    Well, your donations have to support an entire org!

    NEW PRECLEAR
    Huh? What's an org?

    REGISTRAR
    An org! An organization! We have a gargantuan worldwide
    organization to run. Organizations require tons of money!

    NEW PRECLEAR
    Whuttt? An organization? I thought you said it was a church.

    REGISTRAR
    Trust me, it's an organization. To clear the planet it takes
    massive lines and terminals and resources and an army
    of highly trained management executives. We're just
    like any other global organization that is kicking ass!

    NEW PRECLEAR
    So, let me get this straight. Scientology's not really a
    religious church it's a global organization that is
    kicking ass? Are you serious? WTF?

    REGISTRAR
    Yeah, totally serious. We're just like Amazon or Apple!
    We're just like any money making commercial business.
    For example, what business are you in?

    NEW PRECLEAR
    Me? I am an investigative journalist.

    REGISTRAR
    OMG! You were sent here to sabotage Ron's
    dream of clearing the planet!

    NEW PRECLEAR
    Hey calm down. You people came up to ME on the street
    and wouldn't take no for an answer unless I came inside
    your church, I mean your organization.

    REGISTRAR
    Organization?!!!
    How dare you try to try to spew your religious
    hate and bigotry here in our church!

    Scientology Rhetorical Schizophrenia
    : Virtually all of Scientology organizations operate at 1.1 on the tone scale. However, any time a Scientologist is enturbulated or feels threatened by entheta about their org's crimes, they descend 0.1 lower into the tone level of 1.0 (fear)--at which moment they cease going into the org for auditing and begin going into their church to worship.




    [ "If you say there's nothing wrong with you when you do the Personality Test..." ]:

    There is only one "standard" evaluation that a Scientology staff member is permitted give to a wog that has just taken the OCA Personality Test.

    If the Personality Test score is low, that's bad.

    If the Personality Test score is high, that's also bad--requiring a vastly larger test estimate--in order to first address and peel away all the "valences" and "BTs"--so that the being that paid for the auditing can finally be audited.

    We now (magician's code be damned!) reveal the secret behind how Scientology performs its magic trick:


    TEST EVALUATOR
    Well, I've just scored your OCA and we now have
    the conclusive scientific results!​

    WOG
    Wow! Really?

    TEST EVALUATOR
    Absolutely! We have now determined a precise
    analytical evaluation of your personality.

    WOG
    Wow! What did it say?

    TEST EVALUTOR
    You have a bad personality.​




    Scientology Personality Tests: The only game test in the universe where everyone wins fails.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2017
  17. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    Taking us to the cradle of US democracy now.

    A long one but need to keep you all up to date.

    Nothing about getting up the bridge just statuses being increased,

    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
  18. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

    This is correct. If you test low you need Scientology but if you test too high you also need Scientology because your results are distorted by your superficiality, your social veneer, your natural ability to intuit what will give you a high test score instead of revealing your true results. You might just be a very clever sociopath instead of a legitimate normal person.

    This test is given to public and staff routinely to provide the Church with a map of your case progress and for evaluating staff qualification for posting or Sea Org eligibility, etc. Each time you do the test you become more familiar with the questions and what answers to give to achieve a better result. To point this out would be to criticize LRH and the Tech so no one ever discusses the cumulative effect and they pretend all improvement is case gain due to Scientology. Even if your results go up and then back down they can say it went down because you are getting rid of your fake social mechanisms due to Scientology and becoming more real - keep on doing Scientology and the results will go back up. It's very clever but they sincerely believe this.
     
  19. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    This video is priceless - L Ron Hubbard blubbering like I have never heard before...




    Itsa...Itsa...Itsa - Itsa crock of Shit - that Scientology!!
     
  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Exactly!

    The OCA is one of the cult's top gimmicks to keep "parishioners" dumb & donating. It is a prime example of the "HUBBARD LAW OF COMMOTION", which states:

    In Scientology, for each and every policy and piece of tech--
    there is an equal and opposite policy and piece of tech"

    Ergo, if your OCA score is LOW, that's very bad and you need hundreds of thousands of dollars of Scientology auditing to bring your test score up. And, if your OCA score is HIGH, that's very bad and you need hundreds of thousands of dollars of Scientology auditing to bring your test score down.
     

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