Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    ANSWER: One must assume that if Scientology is booming on other planets, they must certainly be Ideal Planets! This exactly parallels other known-and-proven stable datums in Scientology, such as the wonderfully theta notion of "uplines".

    uplines - noun: 1. Higher on the org board. 2. The location in the MEST universe where senior management Operating Thetans effortlessly apply standard ethics, tech and admin with stunning success, soaring power-trending graphs and unprecedented expansion on this planet. Uplines is the happiest place imaginable where the most uptone & ethical beings in the universe live, work and consistently make it go right in a blissfully Ideal environment that has no devT, counter-intention, other-intention, HE&R, entheta, insanity, war or criminality.

    The key concept in all of this is "elsewhere".

    -- Planets are flourishing & prospering, it's all happening--just not on this planet.

    -- Ideal Orgs are booming, just not the Ideal Org you are in.

    -- Beings are attaining spectacularly OT states--with supernatural powers of exteriorization, levitation and far more--just not you the being, or the beings in your area. ​

    Notably, on Hubbard's TONE SCALE, each tone level has an "awareness characteristic" assigned to it; and "elsewhere" happens to be the one designated for the tone level known as covert hostility ("1.1").

    SCIENTIFIC CONCLUSION: Scientology and Scientologists everywhere are experiencing miracles beyond your wildest dreams! Just not where you are.
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2017
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  2. anonomog

    anonomog Gold Meritorious Patron

    Thank xenu it is on another planet, imagine being surrounded by pretentious vanilla-perfect robots for an entire lifetime. The description of uplines made me want to down a bottle of whisky. No joke. I'm a teetotaller. Not sure how anyone could handle it sober.
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    When I was IDC*, I ran into an old friend of mine who had been steadily moving up the Sea Org ranks for a couple decades. Being as they were mightily uniformed (I was public) and was hurriedly shouldering the entire burden of saving the planet, we were not able to speak more than just a few kind words of warm greeting. As those seconds ticked by, I realized that I was perhaps creating DevT on the deadly serious mandate to salvage this sector, thus I resigned myself to the reality that I only really had time for just one (1) question.

    So, as I noticed that "STFU I've got to go save mankind!" look in their eyes crescendo, I quickly asked: "So, I haven't seen you in years! Where are you posted these days?"

    My friend studied me a cautious second--to assess if I could "have" the real answer--and then very calmly stated: "Over The Rainbow".

    Yes, that was the answer. LOL

    I had never heard that term before. But, I surmised that it must be way more upstat, confidential and miraculously OT than just being merely posted "uplines" (at Gold/Int. Mgt).
    I checked around after conversation and discovered that it described a super-elite posting directly on Ron's personal lines (where he lived at his super-secret location and performed his super-miraculous OT feats).

    In Scientology, there is always something exponentially better than wherever you are, whatever you are doing and whatever spiritually advanced state you have achieved. Once upon a time the most amazing place a scientologist could be was:

    --seated in a folding chair in some rented hall where Hubbard was promoting his new science. Then, later--

    --enrolled in a seminar that Hubbard was personally delivering. Then, later--

    --at the prestigious St. Hill Manor where only the elite did the SHSBC. Then, later--

    --at the mystique-filled "FLAGSHIP, the only location on this planet "safe enough" to deliver Flag-only rundowns. Then, later--

    --at the Advanced Org, because it was the only location on this planet "safe enough" to deliver the OT levels. Then later--

    --at the mysteriously unknowable location where INT MGT was, because that was the only place "safe enough" Then later--

    --at LRH's personal private ranch that not even INT MGT knew about, because that was the only place "safe enough" Then later--

    --inside a Bluebird Motorhome, because that was the only place that was "safe enough". Then later--

    --at TARGET II, because that was the only place "safe enough" for OT levels above VIII, requiring that you kill yourself to get there.

    * IDC: In-da-cult. A face-saving euphemism that allows one to momentarily avoid stating/writing a certain word (beginning with the letter "S" and ending in the letter "Y did I do that?!") and the cringeful disgrace of admitting (to oneself) that one ever seriously enrolled in science classes--authored by a science-fiction writer.
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2017
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  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Talking about "TARGET II" and there always being a "better" place than the one you are in, one thing has been proven true about true-believing Scientologists.

    They always believe that if you simply do what Ron or Dave (or their representatives/communicators) tell you to do, amazing things will happen!

    It's true that "amazing things will happen", just not the definition of "amazing" that Scientologists imagine it is.

    You have been selected amongst all being on this planet
    to go uplines, after which you will go uplines from uplines
    to Int. Management. After that you will be routed above that
    to "Over The Rainbow". But that's not all. You, yes you, will then
    be allowed to go further uplines above "over the rainbow" to a location
    that is so secret, nobody on this planet, except Ron, has ever been there!

    Wow! Amazing! Well, this sounds mindblowingly theta!
    Can I get a brochure or something to read more about it?
    It's pretty big decision, don't you think?

    You have to rise above think-think. Instead of that homo-sap crap, you need
    to be all you can be! Do all you can do! Have all you can have! We need you
    to sign this contract, here's a pen.

    Is some kind of billion year deal or something?

    No, certainly not! This is Ron's personal lines we are talking about. So,
    naturally it way better than a billion year contract. It's an "eternity contract".

    Wow, that sounds so amazing! Eternity! Jeez, but would I ever get any time
    off. I mean even like only a half-day, for the rest of eternity?

    When you are on Ron's lines you will achieve total OT. An OT can postulate
    that one minute is equal to a year or 100 years or even a million years. So, you
    can take as much time as you want off post, simply by postulating it!

    Amazing! So you are saying this is the most upstat and
    upper-OT and elite status place on this planet?

    No only on this planet, but in the entire universe!

    Amazing! It sounds too good to be true. But I don't see anything
    in the contract about salary. How much would I make on this job?

    That's totally up to you. When you are operating in a totally OT space,
    you can mock up as much money as you want! And best of all, you will
    have a status and rank above everyone else in existence. Your post title
    will be "Senior Loyal-Commander for LRH Interplanetary Operations".

    Oh my God! What's this second page of the contract.
    I don't get what that's all about.

    Well, that's a power-of-attorney so that while you are off with LRH
    saving the universe, certain of your MEST affairs on this planet will
    be handled for you. We do that for elite executives, you know, you
    don't have to get bogged down with low-level MEST DevT.

    Thank you so much for thinking of me! I still don't get the part
    about my inheritance. How did you even know that I got full
    control of the trust yesterday?!

    We operate at knowingness! We also had knowingness that you
    would want your 16 million dollar inheritance to be managed
    for the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics. We
    will do all that for you and not even charge you you a mgt fee!
    Naturally, if you are off MEST lines we will take care of that
    money for you for eternity!

    You people are so amazing! I can't believe you are doing
    all this for me! Okay I'll sign it.
    (signs it)

    Very well done! Now the next thing we need to do is to get you
    right onto that special auditing we promised--the LRH-only rundown!

    Amazing! You mean the one that only Ron has ever received?!

    Yes you will be the only being on this planet to receive
    that rundown. You know, it has to be run on a very advanced
    and very powerful e-meter that Ron had designed and
    built just for him in his last days on this planet!

    Amazing! I am speechless how much you people love me
    and attend to all my survival needs!

    Yes, and your future will be even be
    far more "amazing" than you can believe!

    Last edited: Sep 20, 2017
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  5. anonomog

    anonomog Gold Meritorious Patron

    Today Tony Ortega published a short thank you note from David Miscavige to Leah Remini. He told her: What you are taking responsibility for is damned heroic.

    Unexpected wording from a High Priest.

    Damned heroic.
    "Through me the way to the suffering city; through me the everlasting pain."
  6. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    I saw that while watching a aftermath episode tonight.
    Isn't it funny ????

    How can David Miscavige misconceive such an unprecedented Espees clusters as being super theta beings ????
    I wonder how come he lost his super Oatee powers ?????
    How come the Scientology tech and e-meter never detected all those 1,1 entheta perverts through decades of auditing, sec checks and ethics ????

    Last edited: Sep 21, 2017
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  7. anonomog

    anonomog Gold Meritorious Patron

    Yes, strange that highest level of technical perfection has a breed and release program for the biggest SP's on this planet.
  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    For your consideration as one of the Top 100 Stupid Moments In Scientology. . .

    The moment Scientologists decided to resolve customer complaints be setting up HATE WEBSITES viciously attacking the person with toxic innuendo, scurrilous accusations & blatant lies.

    Typically the COS (Crimewave of Scientology) first secures dozens (or hundreds) of domains that attempt to hijack any internet
    searcher wanting more information about courageous Scientology whistleblowers like Leah Remini, Mike Rinder, Jeff Hawkins, Amy Scobee and others. Cult cyber-thugs register every variation on the person's name imaginable, attempting to block anyone looking for true information on the person's actual (personal) website/blog.

    Then the vengeful cult employs graphic artists, designers and copywriters to turn out pages of lurid lies, headlines and articles bashing the person with "dead agent" and "fair game" treachery that Hubbard trained them to deploy in order to "utterly destroy" their enemies.

    EXAMPLE: Former COS International Spokesperson MIke Rinder has recently risen to near the top of Scientology's enemies list, for the "High Crime" of revealing the "church's" criminal activities and outrageous
    human rights abuses (e.g. covering up pedophilia, rape, kidnapping, imprisonment, torture, physical assaults, terrorizing, stalking, et al).

    Instead of taking responsibility for such disgraceful behavior and seeking to correct itself, Scientology then unleashes these fanatical hate-websites across the internet with headlines like: "MIKE RINDER: VICIOUS WIFEBEATER WHO PEDDLES HATE ON A&E". Of course this lie is directly out of the L. Ron Hubbard sociopath's playbook where he mandates that Scientologists must "find or manufacture" incriminating evidence against their enemies.

    Anyone familiar with the facts behind Scientology's hate campaign quickly discovers that Rinder's ex wife and a posse of Sea Org goons flew all the way across North American to ambush him in a feeding frenzy of screaming accusations. In public! When Mike attempted to leave, they grabbed his car keys and in the momentary scuffle to hold onto his own keys, Rinder's attacking wife received a very minor scrape on her arm. She is the aggressor, she is the one assaulting Mike, she is the one that could/should have be arrested for domestic violence. However, most of the Scientology terror goons ran away before the police arrived. This is what Scientology then perverts into a worldwide campaign against a " vicious wifebeater". Classic sociopath's ploy--blaming and further victimizing the victim.

    So, now it has become Scientology's "standard response" to set up hate websites on anyone that disagrees with them or reveals their true criminal activities.

    Scientology performs all these anti-social acts whilst claiming to be a religion with sacredly held beliefs in human rights.

    It is currently estimated that there are over 4,200 different religions in the world. Wikipedia lists out over 100 of these major religious belief systems at this LINK.

    Upon reviewing such links
    listing the vast number of religions in the world, one startling fact quickly emerges:

    OVER 4,200 RELIGIONS. . .

    Last edited: Sep 21, 2017
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  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Having just mentioned the incredibly stupid "Hate Websites" that Scientology sneeringly exports with abandon, perhaps I should mention that in addition to hate-filled smear sites, they are also very prodigious in the production of HATE VIDEOS by (former) family, loved ones & friends of the person they are madly trying to destroy.

    Paul Haggis comes to mind as he just appeared on a segment of "THE AFTERMATH" to recount his personal, up-close encounters with the special kind of terrorism that the Church Of Scientology proudly launched against him.

    Recall that Paul was one the golden child of Scientology and Hollywood Celebrity Centre--after creating a blockbuster tv series followed by his
    meteoric rise as a feature film writer/director who garnered multiple Academy Award nominations/awards! Then there's this, cover of Celebrity honor exclusively bestowed on only the most ethical OT artists.


    Scientology loved Paul's spectacular commercial and critical success because it allowed them to use him as a shill to sell lavishly expensive auditing, OT levels and courses to movie-maker wannabes. The halls of registration still echo with--

    "Hey, Paul was only able to reach the top of the movie industry
    because Scientology makes the able more able!"

    "Paul only made it big in Hollywood because he was a Clear!"

    "You're failing in the entertainment world because you
    need to buy your training package. Paul Haggis only became the
    worlds top movie director because he did the training
    side of the grade chart, which pushes your cause level
    up so high you can effortlessly handle other beings!"

    "Hey we know you're Clear and still failing in the movie
    business, but Paul Haggis was an OT, which is why
    he was able to get rich and win Oscars....
    Because OTs are Total Cause Over Life!"

    But wait! What's that you say? Paul Haggis has resigned from the Church of Scientology?! Oh my, never mind all those things I just told you about why Paul Haggis was a screaming success!

    This is when Scientology media thugs go to work to identify and coerce Paul's closest family, friends and professional associates to trash him on video. Oh, no! Paul's loving wife refuses to spew hatred and lies about Paul on video? Okay, let's think, how can we make this go right. Wait, let's order Paul's beloved sister into the org right this minute. She'll do whatever's necessary to save this planet!.

    And so they did, turning sister against brother, in a lame, desperate effort to deflect & redirect the public's hatred of Scientology at Paul instead.

    If you can't bear to slog your way through 55 shades of hate, you can go directly to one particularly illuminating cult "tell" at 02:59 of the video:


    "Paul's career was starting on the downslide.
    Paul had 2 movies that did well back to back--accidentally."

    There it is. A cult that is quite happy to lie about its own tenets and sacred beliefs, in order to frantically flee any responsibility, and social, civil and criminal consequences for its destructive actions. For 30 years the cult had gleefully collected millions of dollars from the Haggis family as well as securing untold tens of millions of dollars of others' donations using Paul's phenomenal success due to Scientology.

    But now that Paul has a disagreement with the violent thuggery atop his church, Paul didn't really win the Oscar nominations and awards. He didn't really use his training and Clear and OT powers to achieve that stunning level of writing/directing mastery.

    No. It was all just an accident. Never mind that Scientology's most fundamental "religious" scripture teaches, in fact DEMANDS, that you take "total responsibility" for everything that happens around you.

    But now, suddenly, scripture be damned! People just win Academy Awards accidentally! LOL.


    -- If you didn't do Scientology and failed,
    it's because you didn't do Scientology

    -- if you did do Scientology and failed,
    it's because you didn't do it correctly--
    and you need to buy more Scientology.

    -- if you did Scientology and succeeded,

    it's because you did Scientology.

    -- if you did Scientology and succeeded
    (but then you later left Scientology) your
    success was an accident--because you
    never did Scientology-- because you were never
    really a Scientologist. Otherwise you wouldn't have left.

    And that is precisely what the cult of Scientology is claiming at this time. That Paul Haggis was "never really a Scientologist".

    ps: After writing the above post, I saw that there is an outstanding essay by Mike Rinder covering some of the very same ground, but also making observations of stunning clarity on many of the underlying and peripheral events swirling around the cult's obscene attempts to destroy Paul Haggis.
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2017
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  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    PART I: Scientologists controlled by SUPERSTITION & TALISMANS

    It has often been observed that the COS has a generated a vast number of FRONT GROUPS to misdirect both victims and authorities away from its core hoax of selling miraculous superpowers.

    A more accurate look behind the wizard's curtain reveals that the COS, itself, is a FRONT GROUP.

    No tinfoil, just do the math.

    Like any respectable organized crime syndicate or mafia, the lion's share of the money always "gets kicked upstairs" to the boss. It is no different in the case of the COS (Crimewave of Scientology) where the liar's share of the money always "flows uplines" to the liar in chief (the "Commodore" or "COB").

    What is most fascinating is exactly how the 21st Century's Greatest Hoax has been able to keep its parishioners, victims & slaves from doing what they have been taught--observing the obvious ("obnosis") that the cult's top guru-du-jour is a black hole in space, sucking every single dollar and man-hour of labor away from every human being that mistakenly strays too close to its inexorably dark gravitational forces. Well, sure, Scientology uses fear as one of its tools (e.g. declare/disconnection) to dissuade deserters--but that wouldn't work unless there was a powerful underlying faith in the core mythology sold to believers.

    In fact, Scientology's main power over its unblinking loyal officers is the compelling psychological power of SUPERSTITION & TALISMANS. Consider this--what happens when a long-standing Scientologist begins to have (gasp!) doubts? Recall that one of the religious rites within the cult that is practiced daily is to put the interogee on a lie detector and ask them if they have any "doubts or reservations" about attesting to their new miraculous state/powers.

    When a Hubbardite begins to (double-gasp!) "Think For Themselves" (despite the ad campaign promoting it), the abomination of "defecting" arises, which if left unhandled leads into the grim nether regions of "blows", "bitter defrocked apostasy" and "declare" as an "enemy of mankind". These are the exit gates within ScientologyWorld's Theme Park that Scientologists are indoctrinated to avoid at all costs.

    Long preamble, but necessary. Now we can tale a direct look at how Scientology employs its cult-craft to reboot the minds of those who are beginning to question the faith. Literally! When a parishioner has a question, it means they have a doubt. And that is never good for cult registrars attempting to extract upwards of a half-million dollars per PC.

    Scientology, as conceived by Hubbard, is very big on "REMEDIES" to fix any condition that arises in a Scientologist. In fact there is an entire "Book Of Case Remedies" as well as a dozen "red volumes" that are the essential REPAIR MANUAL for mankind, the members of which have been discovered to perpetually exist in a state of broken, according a cult scripture.


    Hubbard taught his flock that "man's deadliest disease" is "Q&A". Question and Answer. It, along with everything else, has two (2) meanings in Scientology. It can mean that one is unreasonably (due to "aberration") delaying on executing or completing a cycle of action. It can also mean, simply, asking questions when one should "going into action" to carry out those orders. Remember, the basic misconception about Scientology's "Applied Philosophy" is that it's not something to be applied--it's something to be obeyed.

    So then, here is the "remedy" Scientology uses to resolve questions. And, hint, it's not what Scientology says in its "Senior Policy" that mandates: "ALWAYS ANSWER PEOPLE'S QUESTIONS". It's something else entirely. It's to distract and misdirect the inquisitor's efforts to discover the truth about Scientology. The "tech"(nique) is alarmingly simple and it works, to wit:


    All those thousand of hours of word clearing. All those hundreds of clay demos. All the countless drills. They come in very handy at this point. The Scientologist has been learning all of Hubbard's mythology in order to "make it their own". Remember that? That's what Scientology teaches, to "make it your own", as far back as the first communication course when doing TRs and training themselves how to fully absorb Hubbard's thinking and "universal laws" into their own minds and lives.

    All that indoctrination now comes into play in a way that Scientology quite expertly knows how to leverage and exploit!

    EXAMPLE: Scientologist is beginning to have "doubts" about how their hundreds of thousands of dollars of "donations" is really being used by the (IAS, SuperPower Building, Ideal Org, et al). They are in deep debt. They were told that all that was needed to save the planet was just one more little "MEST flow" (a flow is so much more spiritual than a debt collector slamming your phones with legal threats, isn't it? ) of $250,000 to install the Italian marble in the org's rest room, because the tech wouldn't work on wood or linoleum, apparently. So the parishioner takes a 3rd mortgage and hands over another quarter million for which they receive a statusy lapel pin and the promise to Clear their city. Quite surprisingly, to the duped donor, none of that happens, except the lapel pin. So, this is where the horrific specter of ASKING A QUESTION arises.

    So, when I took another loan and donated $250,000 to our Ideal Org, you
    promised me that the building would be finished and the org booming
    at unprecedented orders of magnitude! But that was 7 years ago and
    now the building is still not remodeled and the city is levying huge
    fines every day and it's an eyesore and the whole downtown business
    district and chamber of commerce wants us kicked out. What happened
    to my $250,000?! I'm thinking I should get that money back so I can use
    it on my Bridge or maybe to pay off some of these overwhelming loans!

    Okay, okay, okay, let's just calm down. Let me give
    you an r-factor here so you can see the extraordinary
    results we have been able to achieve with your donation.
    As of yesterday at 2pm, our Ideal Org has broken all records
    for production towards our goal of clearing this city. We have
    now posted 123,739 man hours of labor, laid 32,291 square feet
    of flooring, erected 53,284 square feet of drywall, hammered 143,325
    nails and installed enough electrical wiring which, if stretched end-to-end
    would reach the moon and back! In order to make it go right to pull of this
    monumental achievement, our construction teams and management utilized
    phone lines, email, instant messenger, telexes, dispatches and verbal briefings
    totalling more than three million, two-hundred and eight-three thousand, four hundred
    and thirty-eight communication particles! All made possible by your humanitarian donation!

    Wow! I can't thank you enough.​

    The tech, above, is INCANTATION. Magical words which, if said properly, create a miraculous outcome The words in this example are numerical in nature, sacred "stats". The reaction to the recitation of holy numbers is much the same as ringing a bell for Pavlov's salivating dogs as it is for Hubbard's salvation-ing donor-dogs. Scientologists are programmed to react to the survival-symbology of stats and they quickly and obediently do so. When that happens they stop the Q&A, and drop their original question. TR III be dammed when the trance is rehabbed!

    Last edited: Sep 23, 2017
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  11. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    PART II: Scientologists controlled by SUPERSTITION & TALISMANS

    The other, very closely aligned, trick that Scientology uses to DISTRACT & MISDIRECT is the rhetorical talisman. Sometimes it has numbers, other times it has iconic VGI-inducing power.

    Example: Hubbard unexpectedly drops dead. Time to trot out the "OT" talisman along with its derivatives like "exteriorization" and "research" and the mythology of other plants by invoking "Target II" as a magically mystical destination where everyone blissfully lives forever. Scientolgists actually sat in auditoriums around the world and rose to their feet in applause at how OT Ron was by sacrificing (in Jesus-like fashion) his body in order to save mankind.

    Example: Same "Ron is Dead, So-What?" event. Scientologists really needed some big league distraction and misdirection this time, so COB trotted out the biggest talisman of them all--TRUTH! Scientologists wouldn't know "truth" if it slammed them in the face like a Venusian freight locomotive, but they do instantly recognize the iconography of truth. To wit, "exact time, place, form and event", which the "Source" of all truth (Dr. Hubbard) stated would BLOW ALL UNWANTED CONDITIONS. This is erasure! This is as-ising charge! This is the dynamic vanquishing event which, repeated enough times, will entirely remove a being's case and render them full Operating Thetan--a god with powers to match!

    Let's take a peek at how this actually plays out in a real event with real Scientologists and a real major PR flap (the total cause guru is total effect). Every possible buzzword, trigger phrase and numerical talisman was employed in a cultic, trance-enduring tour de force. . .

    See how Ron's death can be re-postitioned into a statistical happy face, by simply ANNOUNCING the exact number of years, months and days that Hubbard was "on this planet"? Hey, Scientologists, it's just like a date/locate drill in session where you blow lots of charge and laugh, what's not to like!?

    It did its job well, all dues-paying members of the IAS dutifully went right back to sleep.

    IAS: International Association of Somnambulists.

    Last edited: Sep 23, 2017
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  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    PART III: Scientologists controlled by SUPERSTITION & TALISMANS

    In the previous 2 parts, some examples were given of how church management avoids answering questions by distraction & misdirection. Not just randomly talking about other subjects, either.

    There is a very specific way the misdirection is done--via Superstitions that Scientologists already have and Talismans that they already believe have magical "causative" powers.

    Rattling off impressive numbers and stats is in fact a rhetorical talisman--an object that Scientologists believe has powerful theta magic. When Scientologists hear such (e.g. "...and today we have broken all records in our church's history with one-million, seven-hundred fifty-four thousand, two-hundred and ninety-one finishing nails used to install wood trim on the walls of each of our unprecedented 12 floors or our Ideal Org, on this planet!") , they are mesmerized and easily controlled. Because they already believe in the voodoo magic of Scientology talismans.

    The superstitioun angle is dominant in Scientology too. Normally saying that the all-powerful cult leader has suddenly died--would bring about sad or disaffected members. But by loading up conversation with dozens of Scientology buzzwords (each embedded with concepts that the Scientologist believes will make him/her "VGIs", "Causative" and "Winning") the sad death of an "at-effect" OT can be instantly turned into joyful celebration of OT cause.

    Scientology literally bombards Scientologists with these superstitious buzzwords at such velocity and volume that the Scientologists critical thinking skills are effectively neutralized.

    Hubbard, Miscavige and Scn Management have found that it is infinitely easier to control a Scientologist by playing into their superstitious beliefs rather than by trying to use logic, reason and rationality. I would suggest that at least 80% of Scientology is simply buzzwords, superstition and talismans. Once those are in place, the Scientologist pretty much enslaves himself from that point evermore.

    And any staff member wishing to control the Scientologist simply has to use sufficient number of those primitive mechanisms (superstition, talismans, triggering-buzzwords, et a.) until the Scientologist acquiesces. It may not seem like enough to put a person under zombie controls, but that's exactly how Scientology does it. And it works!

    Last edited: Sep 23, 2017
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  13. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    I think I have found a job for you HH. Please post your resume to see if you should be considered.

  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Cross-posted from another thread discussing who gets ON and OFF the endless list of declared SPs.


    Perhaps you may have missed this relevant passage in scripture. . .

    HUBBARD LAW OF SUPPRESSION: Only SPs higher on the command channel can declare SPs lower on the command channel.

  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    I honestly never thought I would ever consider re-joining Scientology and going back on staff! However, I have been suddenly thrown into a condition of Doubt, based on that very upstat and statusy ORANGE TIE!

    SCRIPTURE: "The purpose of the Ethics Officer is: To help Ron clear orgs and the public if need be of entheta and enturbulation so that Scientology can be done."

    TRANSLATION: "The purpose of the Ethics Officer is: To help Ron clear orgs and the public if need be of entheta and enturbulation so that money can be donated."

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  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor



    Once upon a time there was a mediocre science fiction writer turned hoax promoter extraordinaire--blinklessly pitching the most ludicrous hyperbole imaginable in order to sell tickets into his carnival tent. Like any respectable copycat of PT Barnum, Hubbard honed his own pathological lying skills in a way even Barnum never dreamed of.

    To wit, Barnum sold curious carnival customers "THE WONDERS OF THE WORLD", which he "captured" and brought back for civilization to marvel at. Minus mass media, telephones, television and the internet, 19th century marks were no match for the preposterous prevarications of the master showman. They would have no way of verifying or even researching the ludicrous claims of all those electrifying hoaxes.


    And---yes, it's a real book, written by P.T. Barnum about how to succeed. PDF LINK HERE. Think of it as an "earlier similar" version of Hubbard's WAY TO HAPPINESS, wherein both are highly moral guidelines to finding happiness through a clean-hands approach. Both were also absurd in the obvious sense that neither of these charlatans lived strictly by those precepts whilst sermonizing everyone else of the necessity to do so. Naturally, both short works have passages containing some isolated truth, but then, that is that not the very nature of a "front group" or "acceptable truth"?

    Here is where Hubbard brilliantly departed from Barnum's tent-filling hucksterism.

    -- Barnum "discovered" and brought the anomalous and miraculous (from around the outside world) back into the carnival tent and sold admission tickets to spectate.​

    -- Hubbard "discovered" the (already-existing) miraculous (from within the inside world of one's mind/spirit) and sold admission tickets to participate (directly experience) in it!​

    Hubbard's diabolical genius reduced the "cost of goods sold" to zero, by just making it all up and framing it within the rhetorical gravitas of "science", "philosophy" and authoritatively referenced "clinicals"--that purportedly confirmed 100% replicatible miracles for anyone holding a validly purchased ticket. This was a high-tech, highly leveraged profit engine compared to Barnum's old-school method of having his private props/special effects crew dummy up such wonders as a "half-gorilla, half-mermaid" specimen preserved inside a glass casket. Hubbard bypassed such clownish props, instead turning his efforts to stimulating the imaginations of his marks with tall tales about helping them recover their long-lost God-status and supernatural powers!

    By around 1901, after more than a half-century of PT Barnum's carnival flimflams (i.e. promising the miraculous) even the great magician Houdini had witnessed enough of the fakery that he wrote a book exposing exactly how the miracles were faked by Barnum.


    That one is also available on PDF (LINK HERE):

    This brings us back to Hubbard the "Miracle Monger" which is perhaps the best description ever offered for Hubbard's new-age transcendental freak show, aka "The Bridge to Total Freedom".

    "Buy a ticket and you too can exteriorize and tour the universe for free!
    Buy today and receive two free bonus gifts---
    powers of levitation AND immortality!"

    But there is something far more clever in Hubbard's pitch. There would have to be--in order to gain the dubious status as the TWENTIETH CENTURY'S GREATEST RELIGIOUS HOAX!

    The miracle mongering Messiah & Mettreiya sold a magic lamp called POSTULATES. And you didn't only get 3 wishes, you were entitled to a never ending supply of miracles, for "eternity"! All you had to do was wish for it POSTULATE IT!

    Scientology "postulating" is a concept that straddles both the real world and delusion. At one level (called "reality") one actually must decide what one wants to accomplish before it becomes possible to accomplish it. In that sense, a postulate is an exercise in common sense. However, in the magical thinking world (of those uncomfortable living in reality) the postulate becomes a wizard's "Incantation!", a witches "Spell!" and a new-age guru's "Manifesting!"

    The core concept embedded in "postulates" is simply this: "If you don't like something the way it is, just decide it is not that way--that it's really some other way!"

    PRACTICAL EXAMPLE #1: Scientology wants to raise billions of dollars and do nothing for it. So it creates a global scam called "Ideal Orgs". Parishioners are driven into desperate financial straits, bankruptcy and worse in order to buy new lavishly remodeled buildings that are not needed. This solves (according to cult hucksters) the problem of creating "...a world without insanity, war & criminality"--by "making planetary clearing a reality!" Thus, the insolvent local org can at once become a "flourishing & prospering" "mecca" and "beacon of sanity"--simply by calling it an "IDEAL ORG"! Calling it IDEAL is the incantation (postulate) that instantly makes it ideal, according to Hubbard scripture.​

    PRACTICAL EXAMPLE #2: A 30-year-long parishioner (OT VIII high ranking executive) blows from the cult, thereafter revealing very embarrassing cult secrets and crimes. This is not ideal, especially when they make public many incriminating evidentiary documents. Hmmmm, what to do? Well, let's try postulates! All that's needed is to postulate (state) that the exec was NEVER an exec and that they were NEVER an OT. Perhaps even that they were NEVER really a Scientologist at all! Instantly, the problem is solved. No apologies needed to the victims. No self-reflecton by the cult to look into and correct human rights abuses. Because it never happened, right? How do we know it never happened? Because Scientologists "postulated" that Scientology itself was IDEAL! If Scientology is infallible, there is nothing to admit, apologize about, correct or make amends for. And because Scientology is IDEAL, then the blown exec didn't really spend three decades becoming an ethical Operating Thetan, so the magical thinking goes. Because something IDEAL always works--and if someone is complaining or whistleblowing, it hints that something didn't really work. Easy to fix that too, if Scientology is IDEAL then the blown exec didn't really go OT or they would not be complaining.​

    CONCLUSION: Scientology rebrands "wishful thinking" as advanced science and sells marks the power to create their own miracles for only $500,000. The technology is simple for all mankind to understand and apply, as follows:

    1. Think of something....anything--you really wish for ("A").

    2. Then, think the thought: I POSTULATE "A".

    3. If "A" happens, write a success story.

    4. If "A" doesn't happen, change your wish and instead wish that you
    had the ability to postulate.

    5. If you still cannot postulate, buy more auditing until you can.

    6. Having done the auditing, now postulate "A" and it will immediately happen.

    7. If your postulates are com laggy and never appear, repeat steps 5 & 6 as required.

    Last edited: Sep 27, 2017
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  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Slight footnote on the previous post about Hubbard the Miracle Monger selling postulating powers.

    There is a reason why the religion of Scientology is way better than other religions.

    All religions other than Scientology use an antiquated, DevT riddled tech called PRAYER.

    Prayer has to go uplines as a sort of CSW to God.

    In Scientology, you save enormous amounts of time and paper--because you are God.

    In fact, EVERYBODY is God!

    But, oddly, even though they are Gods, they can't perform miracles like a God.

    Because they lost their God powers due to Degraded Beings with implant machines.

    Apparently God never expected that the machines he created would be used to wreck his shit.

    Hmmmmm, this is getting weird. I'll be back later, I gotta go get some more clay.

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  18. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    One thing is true, they will be calling soon.
    Just one a week, try one a life.

    Dear FSM,
    The --------Org is thriving. We are turning out Purif completions. SRD completions and moving people up the Bridge to Clear. Additionally, we have some stellar wins from brand new people after completing Life Improvement courses. We have one gentleman whose graph changed dramatically after just ONE life improvement course. With the world situation as it is who would not benefit from the, "Overcoming Ups & Downs in Life" course?
    I will be contacting you in the next few days and weeks to find out who you will be sending in.
    Just think how the Org would be doing if each of our FSMs sent in one selectee a week! We're ready...go for it!
    You may call me at any time until 8:30 P.M (I do go to bed early to be sessionable every day) let me know who you'll be sending in.
    I'll be calling you soon.
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  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    It's a funny paradox that the orgs' OT staff members are not able enough to directly mock up or create money for Scientology--so they are forced to send their public out to work in "wog jobs" and bring the money back to the org.

    EXAMPLE: Wilson Winner is the senior registrar for the IDEAL ORG PROJECT which desperately briefs Scientologists on daily basis how planetary clearing cannot possibly happen unless their local orgs is converted into an Ideal Org. So they call in a local Scientologist small business owner (Billy Blowdown) and "r-factor" him that unless he donates another $500,000 immediately the entire planet and fate of mankind will be lost for eternity! Billy, the owner of a carpet/linoleum installation business, has some doubts and questions about why the current org is not good enough, since it is usually mostly empty with plenty of room for twenty-times more PCs & Students.

    WILSON WINNER - REGISTRAR you see Billy, unless we make it go right to buy
    and lavishly remodel a 138,000 square foot building,
    our city isn't going to make it. And if our city doesn't
    make it, our state won't make it. And if each state
    doesn't make it, the country will fail. And if the country
    fails, the entire world will be engulfed in nuclear war and
    mankind and Ron's precious tech will be destroyed forever!

    Wow, that's terrible! But, why can't we Clear people in
    our current org? We've made clears here for the past 30 years.

    Oh no, no, no Billy! This org is not Ideal at all. Why
    just look at these floors! We'll never be able to make
    planetary clearing a reality with these awful floors!

    What's wrong with the floors? They're functional, what
    about them would prevent planetary clearing?

    Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy! Slow down there, partner,
    didn't you see the fly-thru video at our gala black-tie
    Ideal Org event last month?! Didn't you notice the Italian
    marble in reception and HGC auditing rooms?!

    Yeah, I saw that. But why can't someone go Clear
    with our current carpeted and linoleum floors?

    Really?! Seriously?!

    Yeah, really. Seriously! I'm in the flooring
    business and as a professional I can state
    with total certainty that our current floors
    are perfectly functional and can last for at
    least another 50 years!

    No Billy, that is just offline CI and OI!

    What???! You're asking me for $500,000
    for marble, but I'm telling you that for
    only $10,000 I can install brand new marble
    looking linoleum in all the auditing rooms!

    I need you to rewatch the DVD of the gala
    Ideal Org fundraising event again, right now.

    That's not going to happen, that video is 4 and
    a half hours long and I've got to go to work. I
    have an install scheduled to start in one hour from
    now at a customer's office!

    Billy, are you paying attention? We don't care here
    about your homo sap customers, we are making Homo Novi
    and trying to save mankind, on this planet!

    But, where do you think I make the $500,000 you want
    me to donate for the Ideal Org's Italian marble? This is
    how I earn money! From wogs who pay me to put in
    low-cost flooring!

    Billy, you are starting to enturbulate my space with all this
    offline, off-source stuff about so-called "upstat wogs". We
    are the upstats! We are the upstats clearing the planet! We are
    the upstats installing upstat marble in the upstat Ideal auditing rooms!

    Yeah, but my customer today is upstat.
    In fact, he's a billionaire!

    I don't think so Billy. Billionaires don't install linoleum that looks
    like marble! Real tech like Ron's requires real marble!

    You're right. My client today is Bill Gates and his new tech offices
    and he didn't order linoleum that looks like marble--he ordered
    linoleum that looks like wood.

    Billy, you really need to start flowing power to power.
    Ron states that "An OT works best with other OTs!" So, don't you see?
    An upstat tech (like Ron's) works best with upstat marble.
    You really need to r-factor your client to upgrade his MEST
    so he can flourish and prosper. And then you won't have
    to work on such narrow margins and will be able to
    flow power to our Ideal Org marble!

    There's already plenty of margin in this job.
    My company should clear a half million dollars
    from this install at Microsoft's new tech campus!

    Wow, really? You better get going then so you
    are not late to the job site. That linoleum
    is beginning to sound really Ideal! ​
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  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Cross-Posted from another thread inquiring into the whereabouts of long-standing Power Sea Org Exec Milt Wolfe, who has seemed to mysteriously disappear from his altitudinous rank as fabled captain of the upper-advanced OT VIII delivery vessel, The Freewinds.

    It's probably nothing to worry about, just some kind of OT as-isness thing. . .



    There are only a limited number of possibilities and standard answers to such an inquiry. . .
    • Off "handling a cycle" (blown)
    • "Uplines" (incarcerated in a 24/7 guarded double-wide cult trailer)
    • "Researching" Advanced OT Levels (CEAEF)*
    • "Over the Rainbow" (docent in the Bluebird Memorial Messianic Motorhome Museum)
    • On a "Very Special VIP Mission for Ron" (Blown, but Recaptured & Eternally Constrained in an Escape-Proof Mountain Prison with Xenu and/or Shelly)


    * CEAEF - adj. .
    1. Causatively Exterior And Encumbrance-Free .
    2. Demonstrating the supreme OT ability to hold one's position In space (e.g. perpetually making it go right to hold one's tone scale position at zero-point-zero)

    Last edited: Oct 3, 2017
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