Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    LOL, nice!

    It appears that the above 2500 year old Zen koan has recently been updated:

    "If you meet the Buddha on the road, floor it!
    Because that fair-gaming Bluebird motorhome
    gaining on you in your rearview mirror
    can majorly fuck you up!"

    Koan quote provided courtesy of the rap group MWA (Messiahs With Attitude) from their chart-topping new album: "Mettreya Dun Did Betrayah".

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  2. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    3 months ago, here in Hollywood at Celebrity Center ~~ did it again.
    For years and years the Scientology Cult has held people against their will, especially STAFF. It can act as a kind of KIDNAP but Scientology thumbs its nose at local laws and laws of the land as they only follow L Ron Hubbard.

    This incident happened to a public in a Counseling *session*
    Crime Report ~~ Celebrity Center International, Hollywood.
    There is also a policy where everyone is empowered to jump on and immobilize a protester or dissident by yelling "HCO Bring Order!"

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  3. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    This really is stupid.

  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    oops---double posted.​
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2017
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Whoa, that's a classic! Thanks for posting that horrific but supremely stupid episode in Scientology's quest to create "a world without criminality and insanity". LOL.

    One of these days we're going to compile a list of the "TOP 100 STUPIDEST SCIENTOLOGY SECRETS" and that one (False Imprisonment1) makes the list with screaming honors!

    People who haven't been in the cult will find it very hard to believe that Scientologists are actually trained to commit crimes. Stranger yet, while being auditor trained, it seems quite normal to drill on "preventing a pc from blowing session". The auditor is trained to set up the auditing room with the PC furthest from the door, specifically so they can't escape without being first physically assaulted, restrained and falsely imprisoned by their spiritual "minister".

    All this calls to mind other things that Scientologists are trained to do, like lying effortlessly and convincingly, with the Training Routine (drill) named TR-L ("L" for lie). That'll assuredly make the TOSSS list as well (Top One-hundred Stupid Scientology Secrets).

    We can hardly complete this post without noting that the justification Hubbard provides for falsely imprisoning a PC in an auditing session is the same deranged reasoning behind keeping Sea Org members at the international headquarters under 24/7 guarded surveillance with inward-facing barbed wire fencing; Because trying to "blow" (escape) is declared to be a "reactive" impulse that the person is unable to control. Being "reactive" is originates from their unfathomably dark, evil and destructive trillions-year-old "bank" of engrams, implants and worse. Because their "bank" is trying to destroy the individual, the desire to leave Scientology must be stopped at any cost, felony or not. All this forced incarceration/kidnapping is therefore deemed to be a humanitarian and loving act, so that the person doesn't destroy themselves and "lose their eternity".

    So, really then, it's not kidnapping at all. . .

    Loving, saint-like behavior, isn't it?! LOL


    1 False imprisonment occurs when a person is restricted in their personal movement within any area without justification or consent. ... False imprisonment is a common-law felony and a tort. It applies to private as well as governmental detention.

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  6. JackStraw

    JackStraw Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hoaxy, Great idea! TOSSS is great. Anyone who appears on the list can be referred to as a TOSSSER! :champagne:

    Too perfect! :cheerleader:

  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor



    HolyHell! Scientologists celebrating Christmas!

    Just because Hubbard said "Christ---there was no man on the cross" (and further denounced Jesus as the trillions-year-old evil content of an implant) that is no reason to blow a PR gimmick that tricks wogs into thinking Scientologists love implant messiahs just as much as the next DB.

    I have oft witnessed the pathos of the lowly, lonely, lugubrious planet clearers who are left stranded at the org on Christmas Eve. There they sit in the abandoned vessel that forms the only egress portal for spiritual beings to exit the cruel indignities of an OT with godlike powers living on a "slave planet" and being trapped within the horrors of the MEST universe itself!

    Alone, terribly alone, in that empty org that houses all the vast wisdom in the universe. It is there they honor Ron and the tech by vigilantly standing guard in case any soul in need of saving wanders in---to "make up the time they missed" when they didn't show up for a course period due to a MEST typhoon destroying their MEST vehicle, MEST home and killing most of their MEST family.

    Well trained staff members know better than to accept any reasons why a Scientologist missed course. The time lost, in fact, was not theirs to waste! Time belongs to Scientology senior management, quite obviously, because Ron discovered Time as part of his spiritual revelations and scripture on the MEST universe.

    Let us close this sermon with a quote from Hubbard:

    "Scientologists must never be reasonable about people failing to be on course or
    making it go right to secure their eternity. Scientologists must maintain zero
    interest in excuses or reasons. Rather, Scientologists must focus all their
    attention on cash, or minimally increasing peoples' credit cart limits."

    --Don Hubbard -- (estranged & blown twin brother of Ron Hubbard; see avatar)

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  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    I wonder what happened to the "sig lines" that used to appear with each posters message?

    I just looked at my profile and the four quotations by Don Hubbard were still there, but it said they were "too many characters" or "too many lines". I kept cutting out quotes until i was down to just one. Then the errors messages disappeared but there is still no sig line appearing. Mmmmmmm. Anybody know what's up with that?

    Well, maybe this is a good time to do something I thought of a while ago---to create a DON HUBBARD PAGE of quotes, lol. One that can be occasionally updated and (most importantly) reveal awesome personal stories about the "Mankind's Greatest OH" (Operating Hobo).

    So, next post I'll start such a glowingly glorious hagiographic tribute page!
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  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    updated November 26, 2017

    Rare archive photo of L. Don Hubbard solo auditing!
    provided courtesy of the notoriously brilliant underground artist ILove2Lurk


    Depicted above, Don gets a meter read indicating that in spite of
    Scientology costing over $500,000 and utilizing advanced
    wholetrack technology (soup cans), something
    was very wrong. Don then was startled when
    his needle floated on the cognition
    that Scientology doesn't work.


    - courtesy of IL2L archives -
    Don Hubbard writing a standard KR on his brother Ron,
    for defrauding mankind, on this planet--and thereby
    committing the High Crime of irreparably harming

    the repute of Scientology and its Founder.

    - courtesy of IL2L archives --
    Don, moments after a major session EP while running
    Gorilla Goals implants from 819 trillion years ago.
    Don suddenly looked up and cognited, "Jesus,
    gorillas?! This is sooooooo stupid!", whereupon he
    began laughing uncontrollably and ended the session.
    After two years of solo sessions in which every session
    end cognition contained the words "this is sooooo stupid",
    Don turned his research notes and discoveries into his
    brother Ron with the notation: "Hey Ron, I discovered

    that I blow fantastically more charge on how stupid
    your processes are than by running the actual process.
    I think I'm on to something here that can really bring
    PCs way uptone, because I've been laughing
    my ass off. Gorillas? Really? Come on man

    you're better than that. LOL!"


    -- courtesy of IL2L archives --
    "Scientology actually saved my life! Had it not been
    for LRH books, I would have literally frozen to death!"


    "Scientology in one word? HelluvaHoax!"


    "I never felt as free as the time I blew and
    freed myself from Total Freedom."


    "I apologize for speaking to you so truthfully, instead of
    lathering you with flowy Scientology goo-goo-theta-talk.
    I know with all this "out-reality" information being given
    to you, you are feeling kind of ARC broken. I know
    that means you don't have a floating needle
    right now. . .you're not supposed to."


    The Church of Hoaxology (COH) is currently recruiting for many new and exciting employment positions. We are expanding like crazy! APPLY NOW!

    Graphic Artists! No experience necessary, will train to erase and vanish untidy & unsavory bits of Don's and the COH's history.

    Don Hubbard Biographer! High OCA test not a requirement. In fact, persons who are obsessed with "honesty" need not apply. We are instead seeking "creative" type individuals who can weave a mythological tapestry around Don, positioning him as the spiritual senior to such losers as Buddha (Ron), who never even opened up a single Ideal Org in the last 5000 years.

    Copywriters! Applicants must own at least one thesaurus and evidence the ability to form inordinately long, florid and absurdly overwrought similes that obsessively utilize the word "like". In this exciting position you will be tasked each month with writing fictitious "Success Stories" for the Church of Hoaxology's RETREAT! magazine. The purpose is to negate & nullify the fictitious OT wins in ADVANCE! magazine. Each Hoaxologist's win must be minimally 5.4x times more amazing than the Scientologist's win. For example, if a Scientologist went exterior to their body and visited another planet in our solar system, then the Hoaxologist must claim to have gone exterior to the physical universe itself! Applicants must first turn in sample success stories that make liberal use of the word "like". [Example: "I was reading an entheta book about Scientology and it was like, BOOM! WOW! WHOA! I mean, the charge started blowing so fast it was like a Venusian locomotive explosively going off the rails after it collided with a fat red haired drunk, stupidly stalled on the track in a Bluebird motorhome!" ]

    END OF PART I: to be continued. . .
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2017
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  10. Teanntás

    Teanntás Silver Meritorious Patron

    What you need to do is create a book like The Way to Happiness to be distributed along Hollywood Blvd . What would you call it? The Way to ?
  11. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Good idea! And, we can even reduce the book down to one page with just three precepts--so wogs know what they're getting into when they make the most unfortunate decision to join the cult of Scientology.

    The booklet would be called: THE WAY TO HAPLESSNESS

    PRECEPT 1: Give us all your money!

    PRECEPT 2: Do exactly what we tell you to do!

    PRECEPT 3: If you are still not happy, blame yourself, redo steps 1 & 2 and this time do it the right way!


  12. Teanntás

    Teanntás Silver Meritorious Patron

  13. one of the stupidest moments I have seen is staff or SO members who have been on for 50+ years...and they write on facebook that they disconnect from a critic(all the SP did was leave and say they were not returning or continuing services, thats negativity expressed) because they are not going to have their "going up the Bridge" at risk. uhmmm.....its been 50 years or more!.....are you even clear? no, probably not even, and they dont even question that? If your rich$$ and have a quarter mil$$ or more on hand it will only take you a few years..I dont see how they dont get it!

    Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmm?
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2017
  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Fascinating that Scientologists, who have spent their entire lives and fortune perfecting saint-like spiritual attributes, supernatural powers & total freedom, in order to become "more able":

    -- are not able to "have" another person exercise their own "total freedom" to not be a Scientologist.

    -- are not able to "freely communicate" with former Scientologist (grade 0 fail).

    -- are not able to solve their problem without running away & disconnecting (grade I fail).

    -- are not able to free themselves from the "sufferings and hostilities of the past" and are, in fact, actively creating new sufferings/hostilities in the present and the future with Scn. apostates (grade II fail).

    -- are not able to experience the change of a person leaving Scientology without attacking them (grade III fail).

    -- are not able to resist "dramatizing" making another wrong by publicly disconnecting from them for wanting to live their lives outside of Scientology's fanatical control & punishment schemes (grade IV fail).

    Beyond the above madness, and even more fundamental to Scientologists' bizarre behavior, the average Clear/OT lives in mortal fear of anyone ever disagreeing with them or L. Ron Hubbard. Picture, if you will, the final "I'm Melting!" scene from the Wizard of Oz. Now update that movie script with the infallible "religious scripture" of L. Ron Hubbard and you get. . .

    "I'm Unmocking!" This is the terrified cry of Scientologists whose delicately balanced "universe" is thrown into a full-blown PTS incident, when an "SP" begins throwing disagreement at them.

    Because..."reality is agreement".

    Ron said it, right? And Scientologists rabidly agree with it, right?

    Just a simple disagreement. That's all it takes to shatter a full blown OT that has spent millions of dollars and 40 or more years achieving unshakeable stability and certainty.

    Yes, Scientology watchers, that is precisely how frightfully UNSTABLE Scientologists are.

    Try it some time. Disagree with a Scientologist. And watch them spin in and begin sputtering & jabbering absolute nonsense. Disagree, and you too will get an SP Declare, the instant Disconnection of all Scientologists worldwide and a personal visit at your home from moronic stalking ministers with headcams.

    Last edited: Nov 27, 2017
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  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Cross-posted from another excellent thread: "Church of Scientology compares actress Leah Remini to KKK".

    In its epic Sisyphean battle to put a dead-agent thumb in the gushing data dike known as the Internet, the cult of Scientology sends forth its fearless "spokesperson" Karen Pouw, who can only muster enough courage to send out an occasional "comment" on one of the THOUSANDS of websites exposing their coverups of rape, pedophilia and sexual abuse.

    Following in the tradition of the "founder" (L. Ron Hubbard) who regularly spewed paranoid accusations at others as "COMMUNISTS" and later "NAZIS" and yet later "PSYCHS", Karen Pouw offered up a stunningly stupid response to the victims of rape by cult celebrity Danny Masterson. Pouw attacks the victim for coming forward. Even more insanely, Pouw viciously attacks Leah Remini--because Leah's hit show "Scientology: The Aftermath" allowed Scientology rape and pedophilia victims to tell their horrific stories.

    It is virtually impossible to imagine a worst public relations response to rape/pedophilia victims than saying this:

    First, let's get one thing out of the say. The "spokesperson" Karen Pouw is too terrified to speak. She has all the advanced wholetrack and intergalactic technology of communication, yet she is too afraid to communicate in person to any reporter, journalist, victim, or fact finder. Pous, like cult leaders Hubbbard/Miscavige, hides behind a keyboard, spewing vicious fair game lies in an effort to muddy the public record.

    Even more revealing is that the cult creates HATE WEBSITES against anyone who reveals their dark criminal secrets.

    And then, as if triumphantly prancing around their bleeding victims--like the sadistic matador lining up the dagger of death for its final thrust into the beasts spine--the delusional cult imagines that they are killing the Internet beast by accusing TV show hosts (i.e. Remini) as being the Ku Klux Klan.

    The show's host is the KKK! This is what the cult calls "the modern science of mental health". This is what the cult calls "a world without insanity!"

    The host, simply by asking a victim "What happened?" is suddenly the same ("A=A=A") as a KKK sociopath murdering innocent black people.

    And the cult members honestly believe that this will put an end to the victim's exposure of their crimes.

    Name calling. That's the "advanced technology" that Hubbard was gushing over and charging people a half million dollars for. Just simply lying and calling people the worst name you can think of.

    That's how the cult "takes total responsibility" for their actions.

    By harming & destroying as many innocent people as they can, in order to cover up the fact that they harmed and destroyed an innocent person.

    Any other questions on why it is probably not a good idea to pay Scientology cultists a half-million dollars for "modern mental health"?

    Last edited: Nov 30, 2017
  16. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    The Cult craves celebrities.
    The Cult craves endorsement from Celebrites for endorsements to lure in more public for more $$$$.
    But now, increasingly, it backfires....
    Daily Mail today
    She has told how celebrities are called 'raw meat,' and lists of desirable 'quarry' are compiled.
    She has detailed leader David Miscavige's friendship with his 'biggest trophy' Tom Cruise, and the abuses that saw the leader's own father brand him 'a monster.'
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  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Announcing an all new feature on the Stupid Thread, named:

    Scientology: Fast Forward Five Years!

    scientology's promise. . .


    what really happens. . .


    Dreamt of being posted at Target 2. . .
    now posted at Target register #2


    yeah, okay technically that's actually Walmart--not Target.
    so, like whatever, write a KR or some junk, LOL

    Last edited: Dec 1, 2017
  18. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Cross-posted from another thread discussing the toxic gravity of a non-Scientologist attempting to have a personal relationship with a Scientologist.

    If I had to summarize it:

    -- Scientologists constantly lie to wogs.

    -- Scientologists constantly lie to each other.

    -- Scientologists constantly lie to themselves.

    Like Ron, they don't feel bad about lying. In fact, they regard lying as an advanced spiritual ability, to wit "creating" or "postulating" a "new reality".

    Lying has many names within Scientology, including but not limited to: "making it go right", doing the "greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics", "PR" (i.e. "controlling human emotion and reaction"), "acceptable truths", "reporter TRs", "postulating", "consideration", "what's true for you is true", "what's real for you is real", "holding one's position in space", refusing to "Q & A", "rising above an avid craving for human agreement", et al.

    It is no coincidence that Scientology is dominated at the top by consummate fibologists, such as con men, sci-fiction writers, charlatans, liars and even professional actors --who are experts at convincingly finessing others to "suspend disbelief". That's a nice way of saying that their dramatic craft depends on the skills necessary to sell the reality of something that was just dreamed up out of pure imagination.

    Regarding professional liars, one might consider the idea that the greatest (lying) salesmen who ever walked the earth are sociopaths & actors--- which exactly corresponds to the hard-sell Scientology ecosystem.

    Hubbardites must become professional liars if they are to remain upstat Scientologists in good standing--for no other reason than they must profoundly deceive themselves about their supernatural states and powers. This explains in great part how it is possible for a dreadfully learning-impaired guy like Tom Cruise to believe with absolute certainty that he is a messianic moviestar saving mankind.

    No person who has not been inside Scientology could easily believe the sheer tsunamic volume of lying that goes on within every scientology organization, each and every day.

    Scientology: The big secret is just this--it's a lie factory. That's what they manufacture. That's what they sell. If you ask them to tell you the truth about their lie factory, they will very generously and happily provide you with some free samples of their product. LOL

    Last edited: Dec 4, 2017
  19. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    That's hilarious because a Dianetic Lie Factory was 1.1...if I remember correctly.
  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    OMG, I think you just reminded me of something I had totally forgotten about decades ago. LOL.

    Just Googled "LIE FACTORY, DIANETICS" and came up with this:

    Right you are, sir!

    And consistent with my previous post on asking a Scientologist about the "lie factory" known as Scientology. (they will happily answer that accusation by generously providing you with free sample products from Scientology's "lie factor", LOL)

    And exactly to your insightful point, Hubbard says it quite transparently: "Don't tell him it's imaginary, you'll drive the Lie Factory into higher effort". And that is precisely what happens if you tell a Scientology OT VIII that his OT abilities are imaginary. He will immediately begin to lie.

    Thanks for reminding one and all about that arcane reference! I thought I was just randomly using the term "lie factory" never suspecting that I read it 40 years ago in that morbid object of curiosity (DMSMH) that begat the entire unholy hoax! LOL

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