Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

[HelluvaHoax!]

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Whoa, wait, one more thing. . .

I love that "booming" graph more than you can possibly imagine! LOL

Because that graphic has virtually EVERYTHING you could ever possibly dream of to depict Scientology!

-- it's got yer "Straight Up and Vertical"!​

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-- it's got yer intergalactic wholetrack rocket ship! ​

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-- it's got yer three-dimensional ARC/KRC nose cone!​

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-- it's got yer smoke! (now all it needs is some mirrors!)​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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Yeah, okay, I'm still obsessed with that graph. . .

There is yet another reason I love that graph.

REASON: Because it is not a graph.

IT'S A POSTULATE!

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The cult's actual graphs (disgracefully downtone & downstat) are never shown, because Ron stated in scripture that high-toned Clears & OTs should always "cut an entheta line". Ergo, if you ask a Scientologist about their stats or membership, they will always refer you to their postulate graphs which are super uptone and winning. That's why they can look at you in the eyes, without blinking, and enthusiastically tell you about their 15 million members.

Scientology---it's kind of like a stimulus-response experiment. Think conditioning. Think Pavlov's Dogs. . .

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From forbidden PSYCHOLOGY LINK:
"In his experiment, Pavlov used a bell as his neutral stimulus.
Whenever he gave food to his dogs, he also rang a bell.
After a number of repeats of this procedure, he tried
the bell on its own. As you might expect, the bell on
its own now caused an increase in salivation."

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Hang on, we're almost there (LOL). . .

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PAVLOV'S PC's
The always winning, always cogniting & always F/Ning Ideal Scientologist, Billy Blowdown

"In his experiment, Hubbard used a Floating Needle
as his neutral stimulus. Whenever he promised
delusional supernatural powers to his PCs, he
also indicated an F/N. After a number of repeats
of this procedure, he let PCs say to themselves
(in solo auditing and life) "My needle is floating"
on their own. As you might expect, the F/N
indication on its own (without anything actually
happening in reality) caused an increase in donations."​

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All the exciting details of this groundbreaking scientific research will soon be published in the Church of Hoaxology's brand new book, SOSS (Science of Salvation & Salivation).

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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Originally posted by RSS feed
There is a new post up at the Mike Rinder's Blog

“It works every time because it was written by LRH”

This is an amazing piece from Jeanie Franks/Bogvad’s current husband. It is a distillation of how fundamentalist scientologists view the world and their role in it. First off for every good scientologist, an “LRH quote” must set the stage and prove to everyone how “On-Source” you are. It is proudly proffered, without irony, to demonstrate[.......]

Continue reading...

Thanks! That was a thought-provoking & outstanding essay over at Rinder's blog!

What an epically romantic and desperately hapless crusade Scientologists are on to save the universe! Meanwhile, back on earth. . .

A lone Hubbardite and his trusty e-meter is valiantly trying to singlehandedly save the planet, one being at a time--by doing an "assessment" to find "the why" they are stalled, bogged and otherwise the total effect of their total-cause Bridge.

Keep in mind that the person being "handled" is already on the Bridge, where the standard tech works 100% of the time. Yet, nobody is questioning this KSW KOAN:

IF THE PERSON WAS ABLE ENOUGH TO GET ON THE BRIDGE...
AND THE PERSON WAS ABLE ENOUGH TO PAY FOR BRIDGE ACTIONS...
WHY, AFTER COMPLETING THOSE BRIDGE ACTIONS, ARE THEY LESS ABLE
THAN THEY WERE BEFORE--AND SUDDENLY UNABLE TO CONTINUE?
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SPOILER ALERT (confidential answer to Zen Zenu Koan): The clue is right there, in what the sector-salvager himself stated:

"I use an LRH prepared assessment that has everything on it that could possibly be wrong with a person's mind. It works every time because it was written by LRH."

Yes, "everything" that could possibly be wrong with a person's mind.

Everything except Scientology.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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cross-posted from another thread
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Originally posted by Bill
I hope you are aware that Scientology's Purification Rundown has been scientifically proven NOT to do anything that Hubbard claimed. It is a waste of time. Of course, it's your time, so waste it if you will.

Well, my friend, I hate to criticize anything you just wrote. But I feel I owe it to our readers to correct the record.

Yes, you are correct---people have said that the Purif is not scientifically proven. However, LRH didn't just say something. He stated that the Purif is scientifically proven!

In a game of certainties, affirmative stating always trumps (just) saying. That's why goldenrods don't say "..in our opinion you are suppressive"; instead, they declare you suppressive.

Hey, let's not get into a big Q&A derail here. DO YOUR PURIF PEOPLE!!!

After you attest you can run around a pole, just like Ron stated he did 329 trillion years ago.

Have I mentioned recently that Scientology is helping create a world without insanity?
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[ThetanExterior]

LRH died a recluse, living in a bluebird motorhome, hiding from the law, physically ill, on psych drugs and raving about BTs being everywhere.

Maybe someone should have given him a correction list?

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

LRH died a recluse, living in a bluebird motorhome, hiding from the law, physically ill, on psych drugs and raving about BTs being everywhere.

Maybe someone should have given him a correction list?

LOL

Both tragic and hilarious. Scientology is, if nothing else, ludicrous!

Imagine for a moment if there was something called a "LIFE TEST" given to everyone in the world, asking very basic questions and PRACTICAL KNOWLEDGE a person would have to empty if they wanted to survive in this world. Like any other test, there would be a grading system from (lowest) "F" for Fail to the highest possible score "A" (for, um...Awesome! LOL)

QUESTION: How would Scientologists score on this test?

ANSWER: Very poorly, they'd average a "D". Because much of their "practical wisdom" is actually mythology & magical mumbo-jumbo received by them from the degenerate liar L. Ron Hubbard.

Okay, so maybe the knowing-how-to-know people don't know much about what happens in the MEST universe. But, surely they would do magnificently well on the test section regarding the THETA universe, right?

I mean, wouldn't they?! The section that only asks questions about Scientology. They'd fer sure get an "A" on that, right?

ANSWER: No. They would score an "F". Even though it's their own religion and specialized focus of academic study for decades! Sample question: Write an 3-5 page essay on what happened to the world's greatest Operating Thetan, L. Ron Hubbard, in the last days of his total cause life.

Can anyone even imagine the bizarre mindwarp cognitive dissonance that would show up in their answer?

PARADOX: Scientologists, the world's leading knowing-how-to-know experts, would score worse than any other human being (on this planet) on a test about Scientology.

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[guanoloco]

Oh, Billy! Isn't Dr. Hubbard's thesis just wonderful!!!

Everyone say hello to Idi the OT!

Otherwise known as IdiOT.​

 

[guanoloco]

Oh, Billy! I just LOVE twinning with you!
Isn't Ron's book just dreamy?
Why - who would've thought that all those people smoking were dramming volcanos!?

- IdiOT​

 

[JackStraw]

Is this the name of the next great level?

Intrepid
Dauntless
Infinite
Operating
Thetan

Jack

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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From another thread discussing the two-cult-messiah,
Nation of Islam guru & power Scientology FSM, Louis Farrakhan.
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Originally Posted by FoTi
What will happen when Farrakhan finds out he's been ripped off and duped when he gets to OT8?

Excellent question!

ANSWER: The same thing that happened to all the other Scientologists who did OT 8. To wit, he would write a glowing success story attesting that:

-- OT 8 was the greatest level he has ever done!​

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-- he had more case gain on OT 8 than all of the other levels combined!​

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-- it handled the ruin he has been failing to handle since he first got into Scientology!​

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-- OT 8 addresses you the being!​

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-- OT 8 is the first actual OT level that results in total cause over matter, energy, space and time! ​

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-- planetary clearing has now become a reality!​

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-- he has total certainty that he has secured his eternity!​

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-- he cannot wait to do OT 9 which he has certainty will handle the ruin he has been failing to handle since he first got into Scientology, because OT 9 is the first actual OT level that results in total cause over matter, energy, space and time! ​

Have I mentioned recently that Scientology can handle any ruin on this planet----except the ruin where people are defrauded & deluded into believing that Scientology can handle any ruin on this planet?

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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Cross-posted from another thread where a leading Independent Scientologist
gives advice to aspiring OTs. Why he posts it on an "EX" Scientology message
board is unfathomable---probably one of those esoteric
mysteries of the universe, revealed on upper OT levels.
LINK: "After OT 8 the Tech is Free!"

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Originally Posted by Ralph Hilton --snipped--

After OT8 all you need to do is study and apply existing materials.

Exactly, that's all you need to do to qualify as an OT 8.

You don't have to be able to exteriorize, levitate, postulate or demonstrate that you are "total cause over life"!

You don't have to be subjective/objective cause over matter, energy, space and time either!

You don't even have to do anything else requiring supernatural OT powers!

"All you need to do is study and apply existing materials". Those materials will describe to you in glorious detail all about the miraculous OTs that nobody ever met. In that sense, Scientology is not a religion. It's the study of 20th century mythology.

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[programmer_guy]

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Cross-posted from another thread where a leading Independent Scientologist
gives advice to aspiring OTs. Why he posts it on an "EX" Scientology message
board is unfathomable---probably one of those esoteric
mysteries of the universe, revealed on upper OT levels.
LINK: "After OT 8 the Tech is Free!"

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<snip>

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He may not yet understand the huge difference between "ex-Scientologist" and "protestant Scientologist".

 

[guanoloco]

Well...you know...if he just would've read his Ron...
And word cleared it, of course!
He wouldn't look like a steaming pile of entheta shat out the Obscene Dog!​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

View attachment 13925
Oh, Billy! Isn't Dr. Hubbard's thesis just wonderful!!!

Everyone say hello to Idi the OT!

Otherwise known as IdiOT.​

I just love those 50's graphics you post where she dreamily holds different crazy books by crazy Ron.

Dude, did you shoop those?? OMG. they are so freakin' cool!

While we are on that subject, I am lost on how the final graphic for Billy Blowdown was found and/or created (the one where he is holding the cans, a few posts above). Is that one also yours? LOL


ps: That 50's babe....is that the same one that later went on to become Billy's 2nd Dynamic Terminal, Betty Blowdown? lol

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[guanoloco]

Not Betty but Idi Blowdown. She's Billy's 2D terminal.

People know her as Idi the OT and that often gets shortened to IdiOT...

Yes. I found Billy's image but you shooped it as he was holding beer bottles.

As for Idi's shoops...well, I outsourced and had a certain shooper here as a colluding terminal. Someone who Loves to Lurk.

Now Idi needs some good old HH dialogue so feel free to post her and let us know what she has to say!

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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Guanoloco, our relentless petitions to the brilliant underground artist ILove2Lurk have come back downlines approved! As such, we gratefully thank IL2L for the new GRAPHIC (below) which has been hopelessly corrupted by the luridly carnal copywriting of Don Hubbard. I keep writing KRs on that guy but nothing happens and he never gets handled by Ethics!

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I don't know why, but Standard Handcreme appears to be giving Billy Blowdown quite a boner in the theta universe!

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[guanoloco]

Oh, Billy...whenever you squeeze my cans
And talk about all that TA action,
Why, I just know to get ready for a serious Blowdown!​

 

[lotus]

^^^^^^^^^
This one is funny!

 

[guanoloco]

Ron says Hello to the Stupid Thread!!

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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Cross-posted from another thread. . .

Originally posted by Out-Ethics
Hi everyone. I am new to the board but not new to Scientology. I was born in and my parents are ex Sea Org. They left to have a family. This was before the enforced abortions - which break my heart to hear about. I am hiding under the radar. I have to be careful because I still have family in and they are not leaving anytime soon. My parents are really drinking the kool-aide. I am learning the truth about Scientology now, thanks to Leah Remini and Mike Rinder. I am watching every episode of A&E - Scientology; The Aftermath or whatever it is called. OMG! So unbelievable I was part of this evil group for so long. I found this board and am blown away. Thanks for speaking out about what happened to you. I don't feel so alone now after reading other horror stories. Our Org has been dead for many years. We have been lied to about expansion and all of us staffers thought it was us - it was our fault. Now I know the truth.I am reading about David Misavige now and am really freaked out. What an evil man. I am also reading about LRH - wow, we were completely duped.

Ain't dat da truth!

On the positive side of things,
at least Dr. Hubbard was totally truthful
when he said going OT would result in "Total Dupe-lication".

Free bonus Buddhist brush art was added at no additional cost to you,
the being, in order to add spiritual credibility & gravitas to this post.
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