Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    cross-posted from another thread discussing whether
    Hubbard's policies (like disconnection) should be criminalized.

    -----​


    Wouldn't it be a hilarious (and revealing) documentary to go around surveying Scientologists (on hidden cam) about things like:

    WHAT IS YOUR REALITY ON WHERE
    RON IS NOW, WHAT HE IS DOING. . .
    AND HOW HE IS DOING?

    There are rare occasions when the world gets to peek inside the UNFILTERED mind of a real Scientologist, to see what they are really thinking behind the glossy eyes and frozen grin. I think a typical answer might be found by asking Scientologist in good standing and NEW OT VIII, Billy Blowdown. Billy, recently achieved the status of IDEAL SCIENTOLOGIST for which he was awarded a jumbo Medal of Idealness, after which he gave a short speech and shared his policy: "Always F/Ning! Always Winning! Always Blowing Down!"

    Let's listen in on Billy being standardly surveyed. . .


    [​IMG]


    BILLY BLOWDOWN:
    "Well.... how is Ron doing? Fantastic!
    Totally Fantastic!!!!

    SURVEYOR
    But, isn't Ron dead?

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Dead? LOL. That's a total false data
    concept by the psychs. I am a fully trained
    False Data Stripper Specialist. Trust me---Ron
    is doing fantastic! By the way, did you get briefed
    that he's researching advanced levels for us?.

    SURVEYOR
    ...and you know this how?

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Oh, I was given an r-factor about it.

    SURVEYOR
    ...and r-factors are always true?

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Absolutely! That's why they are called
    reality factors. Because it's reality.
    You should really look up the
    word reality and use it in
    sentences until you
    feel good about it.



    .
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2018
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  2. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    This reminded me of an exchange I had here on ESMB the past couple days with Clay Pigeon: (edited for brevity)



    CLAY:
    It is my observation that most of the bad conduct (very little of it actually criminal; actual de jure crimes can be prosecuted) by Co$ is from bad application of policy. <snip>

    Rotten Co$ conduct is the product of rotten Co$ personnel and ignorant personnel obeying rotten personnel.

    Which is not to say I don't find flaws with Hubbard's work but even at that I find no flaws which cannot be remedied with other writings of Hubbard. Proper ideals are articulated often in the writings of LRH along with instructions for implementing them

    Type 4:
    The bad conduct is a result of the correct application of policy.


    The policies on Fair Game, Disconnection, treatment of children as if they're adults in little bodies, regges hard-selling customers to the point of bankruptcy, preventing Scientologists from reporting crimes directly to the police if the perpetrator was another Scientologist in good standing, were all authored by Hubbard!

    On top of those destructive policies he lied his ass off about the tech. The CoS cannot deliver what he promised it could for decades, so that amounts to fraudulent marketing. (Hubbard couldn't even fix his OWN mental and spiritual issues)

    As a Hubbard Apologist you try your best to relieve him of responsibility for all the bad stuff. Yet, Hubbard himself would acknowledge that HE is responsible for all the bad stuff. That is if he believed what he wrote on the subject of "Full Responsibility".

    CLAY:
    Hubbard's dead. He's no longer responsible for jack shit.

    TYPE 4:
    I'm not sure what you mean by "Hubbard's dead".

    I thought only the body he was occupying up until 1986 is dead.

    As per the Scientology Technical Dictionary: "full responsibility is not fault; it is recognition of being cause."

    Are you trying to claim that one of the greatest OT's in this sector of the universe is no longer responsible just because he dropped a body over 30 years ago?

    Are you acknowledging that his writings about OT were all bullshit?



    (Still waiting for an answer to this last post) :waiting:
     
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  3. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Here's a stupid.

    Ron's OEC set has THE tech to boom any enterprise.

    How come Scientology hasn't boomed?

    If that's not stupid enough then let us consider the largest volume of the set.

    Div 6...the Public Relations volume with THE tech on PR.

    This volume alone has the 100% workable PR tech minus all abberrations and arbitraries...plus we even know about Mis Us and the Study Tech to get it applied.

    The result?

    Scientology is so well thought of by the public at large that when Paul Haggis gets accused of rape and sexual predation in today's feminist rape culture political clime virtually all internet commentary is speculation that it is Scientology INC fraud.

    People aren't lambasting Haggis as a lecherous scumbag but instead wondering if Scientology has framed him.

    That's the public image all that PR tech has purchased.

    People suspect a "church" of framing a former whistleblower of fake rape charges.

    It just doesn't get much lower than this in the image department.

    And just like enantiodromia you wouldn't believe how much concern and devotion Scientology INC has on its "image"...that is all that it cares about. There are countless posts, divisions and orgs whose only function and reason to be is to pave the way for Scientology by securing its image.

    Scientology's public image...straight up.and vertical!!
     
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  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Cross-posted from another thread discussing:
    "Were we stupid to join Scientology?"

    .
    "Were we stupid to join Scientology?"

    ANSWER: I joined Scientology because of two reasons:

    1. My ARC Triangle crashed. Yes, I had a catastrophic "ARC Break". I mistakenly thought that it was "reality" that Scientology books & claims were based on scientific proof. I mistakenly had "affinity" for the lying, sociopathic con man L. Ron Hubbard. And, I mistakenly "communicated" to Scientologists that I had enough to pay for the $25 com course. ​

    2. My SNG Triangle also crashed. Yes, I had a catastrophic "SNG Break". (Stupid, Naive & Gullible)​

    .
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2018
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    ..

    It is always quite mind-numbing to simultaneously watch Scientology spectacularly FAIL while it breathlessly boasts of miraculous WINS.

    examples:
    • claims of unprecedented expansion (e.g. 15 million members vs. empty orgs)
    • claims of supernatural OT powers (e.g. cosmic exteriorization vs. simply admitting Ron is dead)
    • claims of "tech" working 100% of the time (e.g. "only game where everyone wins" vs. "only game where 99% of everyone blows")
    The abyss between those diametrically contradictory "facts" is something that would be impossible to miss, unless one is experiencing the "knowingness" that comes with having been treated by the "modern science of mental health".

    Let's pause here to note that a Scientologist-in-good-standing (super-able as they are!) would not be able to clay demo the above. Sacred church doctrine only allows them to stare at the box that Scientology comes wrapped within, forbidding cult members to ever open and examine the actual contents of the box.


    [​IMG]


    For anyone thinking this is a absurd analogy, I invite you to Google (or if you are Clear to "perfectly recall") the promotional cartoons that advanced Scientology centers use to entice tech devotees to beg-borrow-steal money so they can get the shiny toy inside their next box.

    Alas, nary a glossy promo piece ever came out for "OT" that did not include cartoons of rockets hurtling through intergalactic space--towards a glowing golden ball of light in the distance--that had the OT symbol or some other mysterious 2001-esque monolithic icon representing untold magical powers!

    There are literally HUNDREDS of rockets in deep space promo pieces Scn has used over the past 50 years, let's just do a 2 second search and take the very first one that pops up (as an example) to paste below.


    [​IMG]


    Scientologists: There they are. Sitting at the breakfast table, eagerly gobbling up Hubbard's pap, while blinklessly staring at the cartoons on the box. Go ahead. Ask them to show you an OT power and they will scrunch up their face in a bewildered "how can you even ask me that?" look---just before they assuredly point at the cartoon on the box.

    ..
     
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  6. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    ..

    To all ye non-believers, who think the above posted cereal-box analogy is absurdly overblown, read on brothers & sisters!

    I refer you to yet another scientific piece of evidence to demonstrate where L. Ron Hubbard got his inspiration for designing the Scientology box cover.


    [​IMG]


    See? It even has the Sea Org member on the cover promising a "SURPRISE INSIDE!"

    On that point, we must admit that Hubbard did in fact honestly deliver what he promised---just not in the way customers who paid $500,000 for the box expected.

    .
     
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  7. Tanchi

    Tanchi Patron with Honors

    I don't know how you think of all this stuff, but I'm glad you do. Thanks for the giggles.
     
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  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Cool message, much appreciated!

    I sometimes wonder that myself--because with Scientology, there seems to be a dimension containing infinite amounts of crazed parody material--that is easily accessed by simply summoning it.

    I sense the channel will dry up the moment the last Scientologist on earth stands up, announces "THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!" and blows. Then I will be forced to look for a job, lol.
     
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  9. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Nazanin Boniadi was the subject of the Vanity Fair Article on how she was deceptively solicited to be the girlfriend of Tom Cruise.
    This week, she tweeted this ::::
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
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  10. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    I bet Tom Cruise looks at those posters and goes 'Whoosh, Vroom , Roar ..... Zooooom.......Ratatatat (That'll be the guns)",whilst pulling his joystick (imaginary?) everywhere in raptures about how he is piloting those planes (with John Travolta?) and saving the universe!

    Err, ahem... That's probably quite enough of that for now.
    A guy can't get too excited there now, huh?:oops::oops::oops::oops::oops:
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2018
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  11. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Thanks for posting that!

    And thanks to Nazazin for such amazing clarity!

    BY THE NUMBERS:

    1. Like a hustlin' street pimp, church leaders RECRUITED a naive and trusting young attractive girl.​

    2. Like an avaricious street pimp, church leaders TURNED HER OUT1 so they could pimp her out to rich clients (e.g. Cruise)​

    3. Like a deranged pimp, church leaders forced her to change her appearance, teeth, hair and clothes so that she was something the John would get excited about.​

    4. Like a diabolical pimp, church leaders lied to her about everything they ever told or promised her about her new glamorous job.​

    5. Like a demonic pimp, church leaders brutally yanked her out when the john didn't want to buy any more time with her.​

    6. Like a sadistic pimp, church leaders humiliated her in public with debased punishments & degradations for daring to reveal to another her horrific loss and savage emotional ordeal.​

    7. Like a sociopathically manipulative pimp, church leaders gaslighted her into apologizing for what they did to her and begging permission to be allowed back in the group by an amends project.​

    8. And, like a criminally delighted pimp, church leaders happily grinned their way through all of the above "wins".​


    .




    1 turned her out: verb phrase: To introduce someone to something; initiate someone, esp to narcotics, sex, prostitution, etc; He takes a ''square broad'' (a non-prostitute) and ''turns her out''

    /
     
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  12. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    https://emailmarketing.scientology....58ae41d7962099262d4565&S=84532&L=5402&N=62810




    NEW SCIENTOLOGY AD ON
    THE SUPER BOWL AND OLYMPICS

    The Super Bowl is the largest annual sporting event in the U.S. and one of the most-watched television programs in America, with an average of 114 million viewers.
    Thanks to IAS support, the Church has aired a Scientology ad during this sporting event for the last 5 years. 2018 is no different—and on 4 February, during Super Bowl Sunday, a new Scientology ad will premier around the U.S. Then, one week later on 9 February, the Scientology ad will air in the U.S. during the opening ceremony of the 2018 Winter Olympics. With these ads, millions of individuals will get their invitation to find out more about Scientology.
    For a real life example, here is the story of one person whose life changed forever after seeing the Scientology ad during the Super Bowl:
    “My first encounter with Scientology was while watching the Super Bowl a few years ago. I was sitting there and at one point this completely epic commercial comes on. It blew me away. After the game, I went onto Scientology.org and explored the site, but unfortunately I forgot to follow through. I got distracted by life and was involved in various out-ethics activities and, quite frankly, I wasn’t ready. At some point later on, I saw that I should make some type of change and tried to break into the business world. On this journey, I encountered a well-known business man and was referred to Dianetics—which, after reading it, made total sense.
    I then went online to look for more data and found myself back at Scientology.org. This time around I took advantage of the opportunity, did an OCA and, in April 2016, walked into a Scientology org for the first time [Orlando Org]. I had my OCA evaluated and was astonished at how accurate the person described me. I literally could not say no to taking a course.
    So I got started. And a few Life Improvement Courses later, I became a Scientologist. I was later asked about joining staff and knew for sure that this is what I wanted to do. Shortly afterwards, I was sent to Flag and trained up to Permanent Class V Auditor in a matter of months, and as of yesterday, completed Grade II as a pc. I am now a Class V C/S and in training to be the Senior C/S for the upcoming Ideal Org of Orlando.
    This is a testament that your continuous outflow DOES reach people. I’m extremely glad that I can attest to that—as my life will never be the same. Thank you.”
    This is an example of just one life touched by the IAS-sponsored Scientology Dissemination campaign.

    The IAS is making possible the biggest Scientology Dissemination
    campaign in our history. This is just one of the vital programs being
    funded by IAS grants and made possible by your support.
    Advance your next IAS status today!

    www.IASmembership.org
     
  13. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .
    cross-posted from another thread discussing how many
    Scientologists ACTUALLY exist in the St. Louis area.


    ---

    LOL.

    Yeah, Scientologists are meticulously indoctrinated to not ask questions.

    Because---asking questions is 50% of the scripturally forbidden heretical practice of Q & A1.


    .

    .

    1 Q & A: 1. Question and Answer 2. (Scientology) An aberrant behavior identified by L. Ron Hubbard as "mankind's deadliest disease", wherein one questions (the validity, legality and/or sanity) of any communication that originates from higher on the command channel. Questioning is a reactive impulse, due to the fact that it is lower-toned than "total knowingness" or "total certainty". Questioning Ron's scripture (i.e. everything he ever wrote or uttered) is fiercely greeted with a diagnosis of ethical corruption--that can only be remedied by applying the formula of "DOUBT". If the questioning persists, it is called "flashback" or "non-compliance", which results in even lower ethics conditions, non-enturbulation orders, suppressive Declare and being fair gamed and "quietly disposed of without sorrow" by the ethical scientologists. 3. Q & A is the single and solitary reason that a cycle of action cannot be completed. Anyone who ever has failed to achieve all their goals is a victim of their own Q&A. This applies to all human beings living on earth except Scn. gurus L. Ron Hubbard and David Miscavige, who always achieve all of their goals, like Clearing the planet. The reason the planet is not technically clear yet is that the Commodore/COB have been DevT'd by the other 7.4 billion abberated beings on earth who incessantly Q&A. This creates a false impression that the planet is not already clear, which it most certainly is! This false perception (that the planet is still not clear and plagued by wars, insanity and criminality) is easily explained due to the Com Lag of low-toned beings. Once those DBs get on the bridge and receive sufficient auditing/training, they will instantly be able to perceive the massive Ideal Scene that now exists on this planet.

    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2018
  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Amazing discovery! There are, in fact two (2) versions of the book Science of Survival and they reached opposite conclusions about how to survive in the bitter MEST universe death-match with one's sworn enemies.

    L. Ron Hubbard concluded that the best way to survive against low-toned meat body predators (implanters, psychs, et al) was to "rise above" it and return to ones true wholetrack beingness as a formless, yet miraculously omnipotent, spiritual God. To wit, a "static".

    "Life is basically a Static" --L. Ron Hubbard

    The 2nd (underground) version of Science of Survival was penned by Ron's estranged twin brother, Don Hubbard, who blew Scientology and was promptly declared--after an official HCO investigation discovered and corroborated undisputed evidence of High Crimes against mankind (i.e. session worksheets from his sec checks where he confessed to having "disagreed with his brother".) As much as Don tried to justify it, the Com Ev finally forced Don to admit that the target of his suppressive attacks was none other than Founder, Source & Savior of all beings and life itself!

    Although the COS had undertaken extraordinary measures to track down and destroy every last copy of Don's version of the book, at least one copy evaded detection and survived, whereupon it became the seminal scripture of the newly formed COH (Church of Hoaxology).

    As a bitter, blown DB, SP & Squirrel, Don found himself under siege by innumerable Scientology fair-gaming fanatics, goons & black-ops operatives trying to destroy him and any traces of the heretical book. Of particular concern, COS officials tried to block the following revelation:

    "Life is basically Apostatic" --L. Don Hubbard


    Now, I know what you're thinking....that the word Apostatic certainly refers to the adjective form of Apostate. Well, you would be right---partially. But there is yet a deeper dimension to Don's axiomatic discovery.

    There is another meaning for that word, beyond that of a person who renounces their religious beliefs. Apostatic also refers to Apostolic Selection (". . . it describes the survival of individual prey animals that are different (through mutation) from their species in a way that makes it more likely for them to be ignored by their predators.")

    Don's discovery was memorialized in a series of taped lectures that were in diametric opposition to his brother's much celebrated discourse on OT, named "THE PHOENIX LECTURES". Don't 75 lecture series was called the "FLEE-NIX LECTURES", offering a guide for Scientologists to fully escape from Scientology's toxic gravitational orbit.


    Don stated: "In the presence of Scientology, predation and one's demise is eventually assured. However, one can avoid the army of parasitic predators Scientology sends forth to cannibalize all of one's money & time--by mutating and transforming oneself from an Operating Thetan into that of a DB (i.e. a non-agreeing, non-believing, non-paying homo sapiens). This guarantees that Scientology predators will cease stalking, lose interest and seek other prey."

    The theory of Evolution, according to Scientology, includes a slightly altered version of the "FLEE OR FIGHT" mandate that underlies all life-and-death challenges from predators. In Scientology's case, however, the only two choices provided to prey are "FEE OR FIGHT", wherein simply donating some more money gets Scientology to leave you alone for the remainder of that day.

    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
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  15. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    Au contraire mon ami . . .

    I know of at least one other copy that's in the personal archives
    of a private collector, albeit only in "acceptable" condition.​
    Don.jpg
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
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  16. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Given that the book Science of Survival is obviously based upon science, I'm just wondering if anyone has yet discovered a copy of the research notes which document how Ron used the scientific method to make these amazing discoveries?
     
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  17. RogerB

    RogerB Crusader

    Errr, Survival is a Science?

    Are we sure this is not another of Hubbard's misdirector, wrong indication or illogics discovery???

    :rubeyes::rubeyes::scratch::scratch:
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
  18. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    You hit the "LOL" button after my post which was what I had intended. :D

    Science of Survival is only a science in the same way that Dianetics the Modern Science of Mental Health is a Science. :cool:

    If there was any science in scientology I suspect that it involved research in how to manipulate, deceive, and enslave people.

    "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free."
    -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
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  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

    -- "TWO THUMBS UP!!!" (Siskel & Ebert)

    -- "That made me laugh, made me cry & made me start writing bad postulate checks!" (Don Hubbard)


    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    ANSWER: Dr. Hubbard's research notes are meticulously maintained under the protocols of confidentiality. Per church policy:

    "I said the work was free. The research, however, cannot be freely released and read until the planet is safe enough. All my research notes and clinical trials shall therefore be released for inspection when all of our current 15 million members have attained the state of OT. This is easily within our grasp because we have long since been producing beings that are fully exterior and operating at total cause, subjectively & objectively, over matter, energy, space, time and life itself, on this planet. Therefore, when there are 15 million full operating thetans operating, I shall thereupon authorize, publish and humbly tender the release of my research materials to mankind. At that time, any Scientologists who natter or otherwise claim deficiency in that research shall be promptly sold the "CERTAINTY OF CERTITUDE RUNDOWN" which handles the wholetrack reason that beings don't believe what they are told." --L. Ron Hubbard (nuclear physicist, doctor, war hero & bullshitting Buddha 2.0)


    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018