Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

View Users: View Users
  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    A comment on the use of WORDS in Scientology. . .

    While Scientologists obsessively overindulge in the profound importance of the meaning of every single WORD and every single definition of that WORD, and every single WORD within those definitions---and despite advanced WORD clearing technology to ensure that 100% conceptual understanding is attained on every single WORD---they consistently do not understand what words mean.

    Perhaps this is due to the the HUBBARD PARADOX OF HYPERBOLIC BOMBAST, which is a universal law Dr. Hubbard discovered wherein: The worse the MEST universe problem, the better must be the comparative or superlative adjective to solve it!

    Example #1: Let's take an obvious one, the motto of Scientology:


    Well, give Ron a break here; sure "more able" is a simple comparative---but this was one of the first times Ron was practicing this new OT ability.

    Example #2: Once Hubbard (and later Miscavige) had gotten the hang of it, they developed a great facility to cut straight to the superlative!


    See? He doesn't even bother to get DevT'd with homo sapiens conjugations, like "good", "better", "best". He just takes a frightfully failing org and attaches the label "IDEAL" and that solves everything.

    Walk into any IDEAL ORG and you will find abject and humiliatingly non-ideal things. Like an empty building with a handful of dopey staff who believe themselves to be "clearing the planet", yet there are no students and PCs anywhere to be found. Calling it "IDEAL" solves everything because it's so theta and winning, people love to be part of such a successful activity!

    Same for a hapless homo sapiens, who spends a fortune and digs themselves into a deep financial hole teetering on the brink of bankruptcy in order to gain supernatural and miraculous powers. In fact, they are now in far worse shape than the day they first walked into Scientology with 25 bucks in their pocket to pay for a communication course. What to do? No problem, Scientology invites them (and allows them) to attest to the STATE OF OT, total cause over life itself. Not just plain old ordinary "cause", I tell ya---TOTAL CAUSE! lol.

    Adjectives just solve everything!

    ps: A final note on IDEAL ORGS. What makes them IDEAL? Certainly not the making of Clears and OTs because they have never once done that and there is no slightest prayer that they will ever convert even one homo sapiens into a homo novis. What makes them IDEAL is their appearance. The marble and whatnot. It's not just a floor, it's a MARBLE floor! See how that is exactly the same as adding a fancy adjective to an object of otherwise painful mediocrity? LOL. Well, now there are IDEAL orgs and IDEAL missions and IDEAL Scientologists. Why not transform Scientology's pathetic sidewalk marketing fail (the "Stress Test") into something miraculously amazing? Scientology should call those sidewalk hawking booths into a ferociously effective dissemination unit by simply calling them: IDEAL STRESS TESTS!

    And, besides adding that one word to their sidewalk signage, all the have to do is replace that lunch table with the cheap red draping into an Italian Marble banquet table! Voila! Instant IDEAL TABLE! That'll solve the problem that nobody wants to have anything to do with Scientology and even the ones that try it---98% blow---because it doesn't even work in the first place.

    pps: That blow rate is quite a troubling marketing problem, what to do? Hmmm, maybe instead of saying they "blew" we can say they have IDEALLY EXTERIORIZED, just like Ron did in 1986!

    Last edited: Feb 12, 2018
    • Like Like x 4
    • LOL LOL x 2
    • List
  2. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    True dat!

    Enthetan: "Reportedly, he has non-Scientologist PI's handling security at Int."


    • LOL LOL x 6
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  3. JackStraw

    JackStraw Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hope this isn't too off topic but I never understood the American Black (some) ?affinity? for Islam.

    I mean, Islam/Muslims were the first and worst practitioners of African slave taking and trading. The women were taken to be sex slaves and the men were castrated and kept as slaves. And in huge numbers, if I recall correctly, in much larger numbers than the eeeevil white Europeans.

    Did Miscavige link up with them because they were so easy to dupe?

    • Thanks Thanks x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    It's only a matter of time until the sociopathically violent thug Miscavige can only be addressed by down-line DBs as:

  5. DagwoodGum

    DagwoodGum Scientology - A Living Quicksand of Souls

    Yes Scientologists are taught that words literally mean whatever someone in the employ of Merriam Webster wrote down in the bible of wordology - their dictionary.
    Thereafter Scientologists become quite malleable with the flick of the tongue and the choice of a word.
    Ideal org means, well people already know what an org is because they see one every time they appear upon it's doorstep.
    But "ideal"?
    Well what does "it" say in "the dictionary"?
    3.b. in Websters says
    b : conforming exactly to an ideal, law, or standard : perfect...
    But it previously says
    2 a : existing as a mental image or in fancy or imagination only; broadly : lacking practicality
    So how do they dance their way around that after the fact?
    An imaginary perfect org?
    They keep people stuck in the polarity of definitions that counter one another.
    But getting back to the "dopey staff" that they stuff into these "ideal" facilities.
    They hire the very people most likely to be controllable and malleable - those they were more often than not able to "body route" into these imaginariums for the livingness impaired because these people were the ones who had nothing better to do than to be other determined into the trap in the first place.
    All by Hubbard's devious plan.
    He knew how to staff his slave labor campus's simply by using words that fool and fill up their "ideal" imaginariums.
    Some go through the bother of labeling it solely as "rhetoric".
    You can, but it's really much more diabolical than to fall under just one sub-title.
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018
  6. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    1. Yes, that's one reason! Being already super-duped NOI cult planetary saviors made them imminently qualified to become super-duped COS cult planetary saviors, on this planet.

    2. An equally compelling reason Scn linked up with NOI is "the religion angle"--adding another sham religion ally that could be used to neutralize civil and criminal prosecutions.

    3. Just as important as the above two, NOI already had serious street cred as a violent pack of terrorists, thugs and murderers who don't snitch. This represented an entirely new enforcement militia to support, amplify and even replace old white effete dorks who worked in the GO/OSA and imagined themselves to be unbeatable masters of espionage & black ops. Truth be told, one angry NOI operative in an Ideal Org reception area could not be stopped by 1000 Scientologists all screaming "HCO BRING ORDER!" at each other.

    4. Finally, there is the possible benefit to COS that the dirt-poor NOI zombies might become non-paid staff members or even pay some money for their Bridge to total freedom. It almost doesn't even matter if the NOI evolves into a revenue engine for the COS, they have nothing to lose by recruiting legions of rage-faced "volunteer ministers" to "ALWAYS ATTACK' whomever they are ordered to attack. What's not to like about people willing to unquestioningly hate and attack innocent people on cue? LOL

    Last edited: Feb 12, 2018
    • Thanks Thanks x 3
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • List
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor



    Fruit of Islam, hmmmmmmmmm..........

    This very well may have inspired an entirely new opportunity for hopelessly failing Scientology to resurrect itself and create entirely new revenue engines for the church!

    Much like the Mormons who sell they faithful parishioners "magic underwear", the Church of Scientology could brand their own magic underpants, to be worn by all loyal officers and Sea Org Members. And all Scientologists-in-good-standing would be required to buy 2 pairs. Kind of like the e-meter! In case the first pair gets soiled when a Scientologist accidentally learns the truth about Hubbard's cruelly stupid hoax.

    I may have already come up with a super-ideal name for Scientology's ideal underwear. Each pair would have a Sponge-Bob-like cartoon of a line-charging L. Ron Hubbard on it. Oh yeah, I almost forgot--the product's name that perfectly captures the clownish dedication & duplication of Ron, to be found inside the soul of every blinkless Scientologist:


    Last edited: Feb 12, 2018
  8. DagwoodGum

    DagwoodGum Scientology - A Living Quicksand of Souls

    It would seem that Miscavidge stole the script from "Revenge of The Nerds" where the skinny little white nerds join up with the Lambda Lambda in order to import black muscle onto their side to stem the tide of the harassment from the fraternity jocks down at the IRS!
    What a cheesy rip off on the part of the Scilon nerds - NERD SCRIPT STEALERS!!!

    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018
  9. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    ...Ron masturbated so much it was said that he had low hanging fruit...
  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Why does my reactive mind keep telling me that this thread has detoured into an unconfrontably creepy area? lol

    While reading your post, I began to feel hopeless and spinny. I was going to apply Ron's tech of a lower gradient, but.....damn, there's that R6-End-Word again--and I have now lost all my case gain.
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2018
  11. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    If Scientology ever does create "Ideal Underwear" it would have some computer chips and sensors embedded within it which would have the ability to automatically send Knowledge Reports directly to the Ethics Officer should it detect any masturbation. Maybe even a copy to the registrar as well.
  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    PC PARADOX #197: Probably the greatest "successful action" that Scientology ever schemed to raise countless tens of millions of dollars was when Ron and the Regges discovered that masturbation is a "CRIME".


    .........I am going to have to end off the session at this point because we don't
    want to start another case action until you have enough hours on account.

    Wow, you mean I already burned through that 100 hour package??!!

    Yes, you only have 13 minutes remaining. So, is there anything
    you'd care to say or ask before I end this session?


    Okay, thank you. Is there any more to that?

    Well, I mean, OMG! Shit! OMG!
    I mean that 100 hour package of Class XII Review,
    even with the discount, still cost me $80,000! It'll
    take me decades to repay that loan!

    Thank you, I'll note that for the C/S. Let me just check
    something here on the meter...
    is there a present time problem?

    (looks up at PC)
    Is there a present time problem?

    Fuck yeah! I'm fucking broke! Why did we have
    to spend 100 hours pulling withholds on jerking off??
    I blew the entire 100 hours on ruds and we didn't even
    run the money rundown processes that I paid for to
    handle my low havingness on money. Now with interest
    my debt level has increase more than another 100 grand!

    I've noted that for the C/S. Is there an earlier similar time
    you had a present time problem?

    I think i just had a huge cognition.

    Wow, that sounds amazing, tell me about it...

    I just realized that for 100,000 dollars, instead of jerking
    off and feeling guilty about it, I could have gotten laid
    by 100 different super-hot call girls at $1000 a piece!
    At least then I would have really had some real fun!

    I'd love to indicate your F/N, but I am just not sure
    if that cognition is very standard. Hookers? Isn't that
    out-ethics and 2D-Irregularity?

    Fuck no! The only 2D irregularity in my sessions is
    you fake ministers charging people $1000 an hour to
    drag them through every last excruciating masturbation
    detail, while you sanctimoniously pretend that this is
    necessary to attain spiritual freedom.

    Well, now that you put it that way it does sound kind of bad.

    So, give me back my 80,000 dollars and give me back all
    my pc folders where you wrote down every detail---and
    we'll call it even.

    Well, as an auditor, I don't know much about Ron's administrative
    policy, but if you send it uplines in a CSW format, I'm sure they'll
    honor your request. I mean I hear they're really uptone and theta
    uplines. My knowingness tells me your CSW will be approved!

    Really? Ya sure about that?

    Wow, you have a floating Tone Arm!
    Everything is so theta again!
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018
    • LOL LOL x 5
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  13. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Certifiably the Stupidest 4 Seconds in the
    Entire 68 Year History of Scientology


    Very Intense Clapping!
    Very Intense Hand Shaking!
    Very Intense Hugging!
    Very Intense Dedicated Gravitas Stares!
    Very Intense Double-Handed Diplomatic Hand-Spooning!

    Very Intense Knowingness Nods!

    Nothing unusual here. It's quite typical down through the
    the wholetrack.
    Saints & Messiahs normally take this type of
    4-second congratulatory break---right after saving a planet.


    • Like Like x 3
    • LOL LOL x 3
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  14. JackStraw

    JackStraw Silver Meritorious Patron

    I was a D of P at a mission and had a pc with this exact problem! (not to this amount of $)

    He came to me, distressed about his money going up in ruds and never getting "in session."

    I told him "I see two options: 1. stop the wanking or 2. decide it's not an overt and it won't read.:omg::winner:

    Whew, doggies but I got in trouble for that!:naughty::violent:

    • LOL LOL x 6
    • Like Like x 2
    • Love Love x 1
    • List
  15. Irayam

    Irayam Patron with Honors

    And what about the very intense military salute?!?
    I miss it...

  16. DagwoodGum

    DagwoodGum Scientology - A Living Quicksand of Souls

    Damn, now it dawns on me why the camera man quickly raised the shot to above the waist after the Tom cat came out from behind the podium!
    Are we talking spooning turns to harpooning or should the rest be left to the imagination?
    EEEE GAAADDDDS! :(:eek::oops:
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018
  17. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    Not sure if this is stupid but it is current. On second thought it is stupid.

    What is up with all the kids?

  18. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    ANSWER: Hey, those Scientology kids are not just kids. They're HUMANITARIANS! Just like their parents and the twenty-million strong Scientologists on this planet, they're all HUMANITARIANS!

    Besides, Dr. Hubbard stated that there is no such thing as "kids" or "children". Those are quadrillion year old implant victims who have murdered, raped and terrorized others since the beginning of time--which is why they now have arrived at the nightmarish motivator of being trapped in the MEST universe, stripped of their powers & suffering from amnesia on a slave planet!

    Don't let those little cute faces fool you! They are evil and vicious! Unless you can afford to buy them a few hundred hours of sec checking and other case cracking to pull their crimes and erase their evil purposes!

    This brings up another perplexing question: How do Scientologists qualify as HUMANITARIANS ---when they believe that meat-body humans are "degraded "and "psychotic" beings who must be miraculously transformed into the supernatural higher species HOMO NOVIS? Scientologists, per scripture, are at war with humans, so how did they suddenly become HUMANITARIANS? LOL

    ANALOGY DU JOUR: A Scientologist calling themselves a HUMANITARIAN is like a trophy-seeking big game hunter calling themselves an animal rights activist.

    • Like Like x 2
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    I glanced at the self-assured faces of those HUMANITARIANS again and could barely look at it. Because, unlike Scientologists, I have not erased my natural human cringe-reflex response.

    Despite what Scientology PC's think their auditing is addressing, the cringe-reflex is always the first thing that gets as-ised!

    Once you have lost that autonomic, involuntary reaction (i.e cringing at stupid, creepy lies--and people pretending they are supernatural gods saving the planet) you're done!

    On the positive side of all this, when you are incapable of cringing, there is something to celebrate, because that's the day you will get your "ETHICS CLEARANCE" and "INVITATION" from the C/S allowing you to route onto OT III.

    • LOL LOL x 4
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  20. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    • Thanks Thanks x 6
    • Like Like x 1
    • List