Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. screamer2

    screamer2 Judas' Groat


    Hmm... have you ever considered, HH, that you may be the returned LRH incarnate?

    You somehow seem to have a direct line to and from LRH on target 2. It's uncanny how you are able to channel LRH so effortlessly.
     
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  2. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    HH can write HCO PL's in such a way that others do not realize they're fakes, so maybe you're onto something here.

    Maybe they're NOT fakes. :D
     
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Sometimes people think that I am "channeling" Hubbard, but it's most often just something that is so wacky and unbelievable that nobody believes Scientology is stupid enough to actually publish it.

    Example, this 1980s issue Hubbard published on the subject of the world-wide-web.

    It has been said that Hubbard never predicted the Internet, but there is proof otherwise. . .


     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2018
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  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    LOL

    I learned that if i don't leave enough clues that it's "channeled" some folks get bent out of shape. LOL

    So, I always leave an adequacy of "tells" if anyone is concerned as to authenticity and provenance. I also take care to say things in an obviously "LRH" way, which is a tell for those aficionados of hyperbolic hubris & hoaxes. I always purposely include enough crazy to set off a smoke, mirrors or bs detector. hehe.

    My staff has occasionally informed me to my great horror that someone has been using my name to issue corrupted or off-line squirrel tech. I would never do this to my friends, I can assure you.

    I think that there may still be a mole within my network, as yet undetected, practiced in the craft of counter-espionage and who knows my rhetorical style rather well. Some have pointed the finger at an individual named "DON" who claimed to be the estranged twin brother of L. Ron Hubbard. I sincerely doubt that Don is his real name, probably just a psychotic PDHed victim of psychs or an OT VIII with out ruds.

    I will continued to run surveillance and security on my staff and if we catch the party who is besmirching, besmudging and besmirking my good name, there will assuredly be a head on pike.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2018
  5. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Do you remember the PL he wrote on round and square clock faces?

    Laughed my ass off, did guano!

    I coulda swore Hu666ard wrote it!!
     
  6. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Yes, I remember it but can't recall which thread it was posted in.

    If I had a friend still IN the CoS I've love to get copies of that PL distributed widely. :D
     
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  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .


    AND THE 2018 CULTIE AWARD
    IN THE CATEGORY OF.......


    "NO REALLY WE'RE NOT A BIZARRE MONEY-STATUS CULT
    WE REALLY ARE SAVING THE PLANET
    NOT WITH OT MIRACLES THE WAY RON PROMISED
    BECAUSE WE CAN'T REALLY DO THAT
    EVEN THOUGH WE STILL CHARGE $ 500,000 FOR IT. . .
    BUT WE ARE SAVING MANKIND WITH COOLNESS
    LIKE THIS RELIGIOUS HIP HOP VIDEO
    WHERE WE HAVE TO PRETEND WE ARE REALLY
    HAVING UPTONE FUN---EVEN THOUGH SENIOR MANAGEMENT
    THREATENED AND SCREAMED AT US THAT WE WOULD BE
    "FUCKING DECLARED IF WE DIDN'T GET OUR FUCKING STATS UP"
    SO WE WERE FORCED TO DO CLAY DEMOS OF TERMS LIKE 'GANGSTA" AND
    DRILL THROWING GANG SIGNS UNTIL WE GOT A PASS ON 'STREET CRED'. . .
    SO, YEAH, TO BE HONEST WE ARE A DESPERATE CULT ON THE VERGE OF EXTINCTION
    BECAUSE WE RAPED PEOPLE'S MONEY FOR 68 YEARS AND TERRORIZED THEM IF
    THEY TALKED ABOUT IT---AND THE PUBLIC HATES AND FEARS US BECAUSE THERE
    ARE VIDEOS, BOOKS, DOCUMENTARIES AND TV SHOWS DEDICATED TO EXPOSING
    OUR AVARICIOUS FRAUD AND WE HAVE RUN OUT OF IDEAS WHAT TO DO AT THIS POINT
    TO CONVINCE PEOPLE TO GIVE US A HALF-MILLION DOLLARS SO WE ARE HOPING THAT
    THIS HUBBARDIAN-HIP-HOP-HARANGUE ABOUT HOW AMAZING THE IAS IS WILL SOMEHOW
    CONVINCE PEOPLE THAT WE REALLY FINALLY GOT OUR SHIT TOGETHER BECAUSE WE ARE
    RAPPING ABOUT HOW INSANE AND CRIMINAL THE WORLD IS--WHILE WE ARE TOTALLY SANE AND
    UM, NOT CRIMINAL AND WAY BETTER THAN HOMO SAPIENS DEGRADED BEINGS LIKE THE PEOPLE
    WE WANT TO GIVE US $500,000...SO THEY CAN BE LIKE US AND MAYBE BE GIVEN ETHICS CLEARANCE
    THE NEXT TIME WE MAKE A MAKE A VIDEO TO THUG-OUT WITH US AND BRAG ABOUT ALL THE AMAZING
    MIRACULOUS THINGS WE ARE DOING, EVEN THOUGH WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING YET EXCEPT
    DEFRAUD PEOPLE, BUT NEVER MIND THAT BECAUSE WE ARE RELIGIOUS RAPPERS WITH TOTAL CERTAINTY
    AND COB BRIEFED US ON WHY THE BASICS, SUPERPOWER AND IDEAL ORG PROGRAMS WILL NOT WORK UNTIL
    WE GET THESE RAP VIDEOS OUT TO THE 4TH DYNAMIC AND HE SAID SPEAKING WITH A BROOKLYN ACCENT
    (WHICH WE ALSO DRILLED TO A PASS) IS THE BRIDGE TO THE BRIDGE THAT WILL BOOM SCIENTOLOGY ON THIS PLANET,
    SO WE ARE EXCITED, VERY VERY EXCITED, TO KICK IT WITH Y'ALL,
    KNOW-WHAT-IM-SAYIN? Y'ALL-FEEL-ME?
    LET ME HEAR Y'ALL MAKE SOME NOISE!!!!!!!

    Y'ALL READY TO KICK IT LIKE A MILLIONAIRE?
    YEAH! THEN PUT Y'ALL HANDS IN THE AIR,
    LIKE Y'ALL JUST DONT CARE,
    WE IZ GONNA MAKE Y'ALL MORE AWARE,
    10 INTENSIVES OF CASE REPAIR,
    GONNA END Y'ALL'S REACTIVE DESPAIR,
    ALL Y'ALL'S MONEY Y'ALL GONNA SHARE,
    OR WE GONNA JACK YER SHIT WITH SOME TERROR...
    RESIST AND YER ASS WE GONNA DECLARE,

    AND DISPOSE OF YOU QUIETLY IN THE GAME THAT IS FAIR."


    GOES TO.....

    THE COS
    THE "CHURCH" OF SCIENTOLOGY
    AKA "THE CULT OF SCIENTOLOGY
    AKA "THE CRIMEWAVE OF SCIENTOLOGY"






    .
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2018
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  8. Out Ethics

    Out Ethics Out Ethics Ex Ethics Officer

    Holy Xenu - you are good HH.

    You better get a copyright on that PL.

    ((((((Warning ))))))

    It totally duplicates the Intention of LRH and is very believable ...therefore...we are in fear of it getting stolen and copied as LRH's own PL for modern times.

    Miscavige is going to claim he found some lost tech regarding the Internet ...that Pat Broeker and Heber Jentsch had hidden it in one of the Titanium Vaults.

    It will be packaged and $old to the Scientologists as GAT III.
     
  9. Out Ethics

    Out Ethics Out Ethics Ex Ethics Officer

    Fricken HYSS...TERICAL!~

    I heard from a Scientologist friend that LRH invented RAP music.

    Sheesh! There is no end to the madness of a Scientologist.

    They believe everything they should not believe and nothing they should believe.
     
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  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .


    I couldn't locate it either, so I put a com particle out to a Scientologist in good standing, Billy Blowdown.

    He has a remarkable memory---perfect in fact, after going Clear!

    From the thread: . "Right now, somewhere in ScientologyLand"

    Copyrighted material below is reprinted pursuant to Fair Use laws:

    Also, I am very curious to know if anyone here here has actually run this procedure to see if it cures arthritis?


    .
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2018
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  11. screamer2

    screamer2 Judas' Groat

    Have you tried the coffee enema, HelluvaHoax?


    Back in the day when LRH was still conning the long con, I recall a staff member at an org who was so poor that a married couple I knew used to take him out to eat once in a while just to be certain he wouldn't starve on their watch. I often went along on these excursions. We encouraged him to natter over pancakes and sausages at 24 hour greasy spoon diners late at night.

    This staff member wasn't oficially 'clear' but he was planning on attesting soon. He had some kind of slowly progressing disease that physically crippled him enough so that he couldn't work a real job. All he was suited for was being on staff at the org. The wife thought he lived at the org sleeping on bare floors or mybe in a broom closet. The husband asked him where he actually lived and he said he didn't "technically" live at the org. When asked for clarification, he said he actually lived on the roof of the org under a lean too he had made from an old tarp and an abandoned bicycle frame. lol That may have been true earlier but I knew he actually slept under trash bags in the bed of a broken down delivery truck jacked up on cinter blocks near the alley close behind the org.

    Anyway, this staff member had weird ideas about a lot of things. One of these weird ideas was that all problems mankind suffered from were due, in his own words, to people being "full of shit."

    "Does this theory apply to scientologists in general?" we asked.

    "In spades," he replied.

    "What about the "tech" itself?" we asked.

    "Doubly so," he said.

    "How about LRH?" we asked. "Does this theory apply to LRH?" Kind of just to see how far these pancakes and sausage would go.
    And this is where the story gets weird..

    He had this elaborate theory that all the wrongs and outnesses we saw in the tech and at the orgs were directly attributable to the fact that LRH was literally full of shit.

    "Just look at the toilet paper situation in the orgs." he said. "It's not just this org, every single org I have ever been to on this planet and in this sector of the galaxy has the same problem. It's simply a dramatization of LRH being full of shit and unable to let it flow."

    No one could argue with him on this point.

    He further argued that the solution was to ensure that LRH received a daily coffee enema. He was working on composing a CSW so he could "make it go right" and "handle" the situation.

    And that's the last time anyone ever heard anything of him.
     
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  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    LOL

    This could very well be one of those pieces of "MISSING TECH" that, when recovered, will make planetary clearing a reality.

    ANNOUNCING!
    MAJOR NEW LRH BREAKTHROUGH!

    FAST FLOW ARC1 RUNDOWN!

    1 Alimentary Rehabilitation Colonic

    .
     
  13. Dave B.

    Dave B. Maximus Ultimus Mostimus

    Can someone please do a hip-hop mash up of Thanks for Listening?
     
  14. screamer2

    screamer2 Judas' Groat

    That is one of the most insane ideas I have ever heard. I bet it would go viral.
     
  15. Dave B.

    Dave B. Maximus Ultimus Mostimus

    Well, here we are, ex's, bitter defrocked apostates showing the $cientology cult how it should be done. We're like consultants showing them where their right foot is, it's sort of a "touch the wall please..."

    They have SOURCE!!

    ....and yet cult management are messing around with rhythm-challenged white suburbanites doing a cosplay hip-hop video extolling $cientology, rather than presenting the SOURCE!!.... the creator of hip-hop and the creator of music no less!

    A serious lack of planning and under-utilization of existing resources, wouldn't you say? Someone should be RPF'd.

    If the cult had a hip-hop version of Thanks for Listening it would start a flood of curious young people of all races interested in what this demented thing called $cientology is.




    [/sarcasm]
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2018
  16. Out Ethics

    Out Ethics Out Ethics Ex Ethics Officer

    Speaking of enemas...according to a mole inside the Int Base...I have data noteworthy of sharing.

    Did you guys know that David Misavige ... and Shelly - before she lost her crown...

    Do daily hot water enemas

    WTF was that all about?

    Part of the dwindling spiral of their demise?

    Do all crazies get obsessed about their pooh?

    I noticed in the photos (Scientology did not show you at the event)...

    The ones of L Ron Hubbard with his disheveled, ugly self...

    that his finger nails were disgustingly long and dirty...like perhaps he had fecal matter in them. :puke:

    He was so repulsive to look at. A real LOW TONER!

    Miscavige is a low toner too - but he got smart and created the IAS - so he can spend millions on his looks to keep Scientology Scamming....

    He invests in Lim / Lobb.

    Lim Suits and Lobb Shoes.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2018
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  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    Back by popular demand. . .GQ, Gentleman's Quarterly.



    [​IMG]



    GQ celebrates
    SARTORIAL SCIENTOLOGIST OF THE YEAR!.

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2018
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  18. screamer2

    screamer2 Judas' Groat

    I rated that post 'poop' [​IMG] in a good way. I would have rated it an additional [​IMG] or even [​IMG] but I couldn't figure out how to do it
     
  19. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Is that Vanilla Ice on the guitar?
     
  20. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

    Sowee, Hubbs didn't invent rap...

    Bugs Bunny’s square dance in ‘Hillbilly Hare’:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkiJDw1Kung
     

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