Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

View Users: View Users
  1. phenomanon

    phenomanon Canyon

    It was the first pack on FEBC when I did it in '71.
  2. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

    What a phenomenal memory you have phenomanon! *I can remember precious little about my courses in 68/69. You must be one of them 'Clears'. Amirite? :biggrin:

    *Except the Webster's definition of the word 'standard'. That was pounded into us until we were blue in the face.
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2018
  3. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    You need to go back to your source materials and find your Crashing Mis-U.:rubeyes:
  4. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    Obviously it worked. You debugged the need for Scientology.
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Yes, and the FEBCs returning to the orgs in the early 70s were considered GODS ! lol

    Because they had "advanced technology" that would guarantee every org in the world would boom and reach unprecedented levels of prosperity & power.

    A lovely example of intergalactic/wholetrack/advanced tech to trigger the GOLDEN AGE OF SOARING STATS was the OEC/FEBC "Esto Series" where the remedy of an elite management executive for a junior whose stats are not in power would be to:

    • identify which "SITUATION" applied and use the remedy
    • if the junior exec was running around (apparently busy) but their "money regged and sent to the Commodore" was not of his liking, then a campaign of merciless bullbaiting, stalking and psychological terrorism was used to attack the "downstat"
    • this harassment and mental abuse was continued until the downstat eventually mentally broke down and uncontrollably "spit out the outpoint" that was the REAL reason they were suppressing and sabotaging Ron's priceless gift to mankind.
    • Then (with the "WHY" now in hand) the downstat would immediately cognite on why they could do far more than work seven days and nights a week with little sleep---in order to produce more.
    Lovely stuff, Scientology, LOL.

    The books and lectures are just marketing materials, the front end of the bait and switch. Like "study tech" that miraculously handles all problems with learning/applying Ron's technology. Except when a Class VIII student/intern made any mistake in session, they were violently thrown overboard, instead of being given word clearing. That's the REAL Scientology---brute force and thuggery, hiding behind mythological tales of joyful miracles.
    • Winner Winner x 3
    • Like Like x 1
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
    • List
  6. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson




    I don't know what's wrong with these clams today!
    Who can understand anything they say?
    They are so ridiculous and oh so ultra ubermature!
    I don't see why anybody wants 'em!
    Just wait and see
    Clams! They're impossible to control--unless you lie to 'em!
    (Soon you'll be wise enough to see)
    Clams! With their awful blazers, crappy ties, cheap jewelry and Sea Org uniforms!
    (See? Right there goes another Flag delinquent! You can spot 'em a mile away!)
    Why can't they be like we were,
    Perfect in every way?
    What's the matter with clams to--
    What the devil's wrong with these clams today?
    Who could guess the they would turn out this way?!
    Why can't they be like we were,
    Perfect in every way?
    What's the matter with clams?
    What's the matter with clams?
    What's the matter with clams today?​
    • Like Like x 1
    • Love Love x 1
    • LOL LOL x 1
    • Huh? Huh? x 1
    • List
  7. phenomanon

    phenomanon Canyon

    We won't speculate on how I rose above the bank......:pixiedust:
    • LOL LOL x 4
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    A terrific song parody is always a wonderful respite, nice job!

    For anyone scratching their head on that fun and clever lyrical interlude, this might help....... LINK HERE
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2018
  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    After a gazillion stupid moments in Scientology have been been posted over the years, still fresh stupid things just keep popping up. It appears that Scientology is like an ETERNAL PEZ DISPENSER!

    STUPID JU JOUR: Scientology abbreviations being used ad nauseum, as if the things they symbolized even actually existed. Maybe there is a method to that madness, removing the NAME of the thing as far as possible from the thing itself---so create ever more layers of cult fog and cognition dissonance.

    There must be hundreds of abbreviations! I won't even try listing them out, but here's a starter kit: PTS, FEBC, KTL, FSO, SHSBC, ASHO, AOLA, et al. There are so so many, I dare say you can have entire conversations without any nouns that appear in the dictionary. Let's try that theory out. . .

    Hey D of P! My PC just had a BER because
    of BPC that happened right after their EP.

    D OF P
    You're going to fuck up my GDS, you CICStm1!

    1 CICStm: "Counter-Intentioned Cock Sucker"
    2 YSCOHBtm: "You suck cock on Hollywood Boulevard."

    ALL RIGHT RESERVED: Both of the above verbatim quotes are copyrighted/trademarked scripture of the Church Of Scientology International, by means of an exclusive licensing agreement provided to it by the Religious Technology Center and its Founder, the noted American philosopher, religious scholar & spiritual leader David Miscavige.

    Last edited: Sep 10, 2018
  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Speaking of the abbreviation "GDS" (see previous post, above), I was driving by an Ideal Org last night and noticed that they are no longer even pretending to deliver miracles.

    I obnosed this by the large flashing red neon sign outside which used to say:​


    It was their most recent marketing campaign to entice wogs to come inside and pay for their entire bridge so they could "return to being GODS" the way they once were, back trillions of years ago.

    It seems that that campaign did not go viral as they predicted. Enrollments crashed, income plummeted so badly that they would not even replace one of the neon letters that burned out. Now it reads:

    It was unintentional, but at least they are now practicing "truth in advertising" about what is actually going on inside the walls of that bizarre cult. It's the perfect "label" (significance" to the "mass" of that building) of what Scientologisgts REAL purpose and intentions are.

    GDS. Gross Divisional Statistics. That's what goes on in any Scn org worldwide, since 1950. That's all all that is going on. Stats, the incessant, fanatical drive for stats---specifically the money stats of how much was regged from parishioners.

    The reg now for Ideal Orgs (buildings).

    They reg now for the IAS (a foundation to protect mankind by giving the cult's leader billions of dollars of assets and cash, in case one day he sees something really cool that he wants to buy for himself.

    They reg now for "International Dissemination Campaigns". These miraculously safeguard and guarantee that planetary clearing will become a reality. It is miraculous because since 1950 not one person has gone clear yet, yet Scientologists have "knowingness" that is is happening somewhere.

    They reg for 4th dynamic WAY TO HAPPINESS campaigns. So that everyone on this planet is very happy, even though they paid fortunes for Clear/OT states and powers--and nothing happened.

    That's the story of Ideal Orgs. They are factories that produce "Gross Divisional Statistics". TRANSLATION: Idea Orgs are there to run multiple rackets on marks and kick money upstairs to the boss, same as any other mafia operation.
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2018
  11. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    That was excellent, screamer, I just got it. Thanks, HH, for clarifying as I was in the dark.
  12. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    You have a lot of ARC.
  13. wigee1

    wigee1 Patron with Honors

    especially , when his own C/s sessions were in it,also showed he was a bit non standard ,if i remembered it right, thought it was a good book,
  14. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    "It appears that Scientology is like an ETERNAL PEZ DISPENSER!"

    Well, then, just imagine it really was like a PEZ dispenser... What would their great and holy cathedrals look like?

    Just for grins, consider this real-world picture of the ceiling of a restaurant called "The Hangout" located in Gulf Shores, AL where every PEZ dispenser ever made in this sector of the gaLAXie has been gathered together and one can groove with shrimp, crab, oysters and other sea-faring/gulf-faring menu items. I suspect that they have clams but they may be prevented (for legal reasons, don't you understand) from mentioning them.


    Here's a view of the outside:

    They have a website:

    I have never been there but I thought they at least deserved a shout-out since I used some real-world stuff for a humorous post here. And let me know how it was if anyone I know from here at esmb goes there for a night out. I may be able pass by there next month.

    • Like Like x 2
    • Love Love x 1
    • LOL LOL x 1
    • List
  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Humbly presented for your consideration, today's nominee for the Stupid Moments Hall Of Fame, in the category of:


    Ideally, this nomination would be presented by a furrowed-brow Rod Serling, accompanied by the eerie Twilight Zone theme music; because, it's about Ideal Scenes in Scientology. As mankind knows, Scientology is always presenting Ideal everything as a fait accompli.

    On closer inspection, what is actually ideal is their copywriting, because none of those ideal miracles above even exist.

    Ideal Orgs, for example. They should be jammed with winning Homo Novi, with lines of waiting-list-wogs endlessly stretching as far as the eye can see. Yet, they are empty. But that is not the stupidest part of it, not even close. OT staff members go in to work every day KNOWING (in the fullest sense of the word) that their org is failing and they must do something to solve that disastrous problem because mankind's (and their own) eternity depends on it. So, we shall accept the fact that they have an inordinately high "necessity level", can we not? LOL.

    So! How do these Ideal Beings solve the nightmare of an Ideal Org being pathetically un-Ideal?

    Well, that's easy! They use the Ideal Tech! Being ideal, the technology (marketing, advertising, sales, et al) works 100% of the time, so it should be no problem to "boom" their Ideal Org with "bodies in the shop", right?

    Actually, its even easier than that! Because the Ideal Beings are Ideal OTs with Ideal Powers, too! They can:
    -- make things go right (the "true test of an OT", according to ideal messiah L. Ron Hubbard)
    -- they can "postulate" and it will happen without fail, instantaneously! (That's what OTs do--that's how they find parking spaces, duh!)
    -- they can use "tone 40 intention" to get "raw meat wogs" into the org (Nobody can resist tone 40, it's science!)
    -- they can use their "theta" to bring enturbulated, downtone, Homo Sap DBs uptone and onto the Bridge!

    So, let's go to an Ideal Org right now (I am sure all of you can exteriorize as I can, so this should not be a problem).

    I am at an Ideal Org, everyone with me? If you are having trouble exteriorizing, just use your knowingness and extend your anchor points out in space until you telepathically perceive that Ideal location in the MEST universe, on this planet.

    Wow, this Ideal Org looks really ideal! It's soooooooooooo upstat and uptone and theta and perfectly (per survey tech) inviting! Any wog walking by would find it irresistible and walk right in, I am sure.

    But, wait. As wogs walk by, they do not walk in. This must be the source of the problem. WHAT TO DO?

    Oh hellYeah, the OTs inside have figured that out and quite brilliantly. Instead of waiting inside the Ideal Org for DBs to walk in, they will send two (2) uniformed OTs out onto the sidewalk in front of the Ideal Org. That is going to bust the damn and flood pre-clears into the Ideal Org, I sure hope they are "ready to deliver" to this "unprecedented demand"!

    I am confused now, because two Ideal OTs came out onto the sidewalk and they are using their OT powers and the OT marketing tech, but the wogs walk around them, ignore them or avoid them. This can't be right! I mean, my God, those wogs are actually refusing to take FREE tickets to discover Total (i.e. Ideal) Freedom! Free Freedom! And they can't even give this stuff away!

    I am sure the Ideal OTs will think of something else, some other ingenious way to bypass those resistive wog's reactive mind so that the "Big League Closing Techniques" will close them on coming into the Ideal Org.

    I have a previous engagement, so I need to take a break here. Let's come back later in time and see how our two Ideal OTs have solved this perplexing MEST dilemma!

    ONE MONTH LATER: Oh, those two Ideal OTs are still on the sidewalk and everyone is still ignoring their tone 40 free tickets!
    ONE YEAR LATER: Damn, same two Ideal OTs, looking worse-for-wear, trying to hand out free tickets to wogs that refuse them.
    ONE DECADE LATER: OMG, same two Ideal OTs, looking kind of old and shabby, still trying to convince DBs to obey their tone 40.

    This is all that Ideal OTs with Ideal Tech can think of to recruit new Scientologists. Standing around all day and night, 365 days a year, waiting for someone to take a "free" ticket and come inside.


    Waiting, endlessly waiting. Standing on a sidewalk in their Ideal black uniforms (that make them look like insolvent Bulgarian undertakers from the 1930s) and waiting for a pedestrian to come by. Standing there, doing nothing, just waiting until someone happens to walk down that block in front of their Ideal Church.

    They don't go out into the world and show Ideal OT things. They don't use their Ideal communication skills and meet potential clients (like other businesses and sales reps have done for hundreds of years). No. They stand there just waiting, that's all they can think of. If nobody walks by for an hour or two or three, then they just pace back and forth. It must be some kind of tech----tone 40 waiting?

    They can't be that stupid can they? Because Dr. Hubbard discovered something called the KNOW TO MYSTERY scale. Ideal beings (OTS) are at the top and they KNOW. Knowingness, ya know?

    At the very bottom is....(wait for it)......(literally wait for it).......WAIT.

    That's total effect, not "total cause", waiting is.

    Yet that's what the IDEAL OTS at the IDEAL ORGS do. They walk outside "3 feet in front of" the org and WAIT for someone to randomly wander down that block and walk in front of their door.


    That's what OTs do, they can't think of any other way to convince someone they have miracles worth hearing about.

    This is what people do when they don't have miracles they can demonstrate to potential customers. They create lame "free ticket" gimmicks to lure people in, hoping and just waiting for someone to take the bait.

    • LOL LOL x 6
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Wow, that is sooooo cool, I love that "infinite" pez display. If i am ever in Alabama I am going there!

    Your eternal pez photos supplied the missing mass. Now I can supply the missing part of the quote (in order to bring about a proper balance of mass and insignificance, lol):

    "It appears that Scientology is like an ETERNAL PEZ DISPENSER!"

    "It appears that Scientology is like an ETERNAL PEZ DISPENSER,
    with an indefatigably infinite supply of stupid.

    Last edited: Sep 10, 2018
  17. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    "insolvent Bulgarian undertakers from the 1930s"

    That's enough.


    I can't take any more...
    • LOL LOL x 3
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  18. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    I've said it before...probably more than once but it's sooooooooo stupid it needs to be stated know...number of times over the material and all that.

    Here it is:

    Scientology and Miscavige are so froth mouthed rabid stupid that when one mentions Scientology or Dianetics to a Raw Meat Wog they've heard of it. What they haven't heard of, though, is what all and most Scientologists know about and that's the Purif and the Grades and Clear and Comm and ARC and KRC and all that other stuff. Instead, what Joe Wog knows about and has heard about is Xenu and his tax audits and DC8s and Body Thetans. That's something that most Scientologists don't know about.

    That's the difference between a Scientologist and Joe Wog Public. The Scientologist doesn't know about the "confidential" stuff and Joe Wog Public doesn't know about the "Broad Public Issue" stuff.

    This was Miscavige's primary duty - to safeguard the materials and the confidentiality of the OT levels. Along with this primary duty Miscavige's role is to broadly disseminate the tech of Scientology...stuff like the handling for drugs, problems, communication, withholds, pain, etc. What's the result of Miscavige's management? No one knows a ding about the stuff Scientology is supposed to be doing and everyone knows about the "secret" "confidential" stuff that no one is supposed to know about.

    This, my friends, is called...drum roll, please...enantiodromia!! accompany this incredible stupid we have an even bigger stupid and that is that instead of deep sixing Miscavige as the SP of SPs who has been the progenitor of the biggest flat-line stat crash of all time he is applauded and allowed to remain in control by the group that is supposed to be taking responsibility and able to confront suppression and handle crime and be aware and all that.

    It's so stupid that one would have a shitload of a time getting a non-Scientologist to understand just how stupid it is!!

    Think of it, absolutely everything Miscavige touches has the kiss of death and tanks so far into the toilet you can hear the "kerplunk". Just think of Battlefield Earth.

    Literally, the stuff this guy does is sooooooooooooo freaktard stupid that all you need to do is merely type out the word or action and leave it on its own.

    For instance:

    Battlefield Earth​
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • LOL LOL x 1
    • List
  19. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    He was washed up in a tidal wave.
  20. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    "This, my friends, is called...drum roll, please...enantiodromia!"

    Nice word; somewhat dated. Us regular folks who might wear wifebeaters or the occasional python boot know this exquisite little asthmatic dwarf dropped turd nugget by the name of "$cientology" today.
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2018
    • Like Like x 1
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
    • List