Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

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    L. Ron Hubbard was a Humanitarian
    in the same way that Charles Manson was an Environmentalist
    who tirelessly worked to solve the eco-damage caused by overpopulation


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  2. HelluvaHoax!

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    ...because what self-respecting, honorable humanitarian doesn't
    wear a Clear bracelet promoting others to pay him hundreds of thousands of dollars
    for a miraculous but non-existent state, whilst literally giving them the finger.


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  3. HelluvaHoax!

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    L. Ron Hubbard was a Freedom Fighter
    in the same way that Xenu freed trillions of beings from
    their tax liability and other MEST encumbrances

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  4. HelluvaHoax!

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    L. Ron Hubbard was a Horticulturist
    in the same way that Bernie Madoff
    was a Whore-ticulurist
    for a "greener" world


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    Last edited: Jan 6, 2019
  5. HelluvaHoax!

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    RON THE WORDOLOGIST
    (aka "What Scientology actually sells")

    [​IMG]

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  6. HelluvaHoax!

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    Cross-posted from another thread. . .

    LOL !!

    CUT TO: The Call In Unit of the local Ideal Org--



    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Hello, this Billy from the Church of Scientology. Is Mr. Spot there?

    EX SCN
    Mr. Spot? There is nobody here by that name. You must
    have dialed a wrong number, bye.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Wait! Maybe that's not the last name. Is there
    someone there named SPOT?

    EX SCN
    Spot? Oh, SPOTTTT!! No, Spot is not in at the moment.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Can you kindly tell me when Spot will be back.

    EXSCN
    Spot didn't say exactly.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    I see. Well I need you to tell me where
    I can reach Spot right now, it's very urgent!

    EX SCN
    I don't think that's possible. Spot is off doing a research
    project, I believe he is out of cell phone range.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Oh. Well we really need to update Spot's CF data. Can you
    verify what Spot's correct mailing address currently is?

    EX SCN
    Yeah, you can just mail it to "SPOT care of Target II"

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Whatttttt? Did you say Target II?

    EX SCN
    Yup.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Wow! But wait, that means. . .

    EX SCN
    Yup, that's right. Spot dropped his 5th dynamic impediment.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    What do you mean 5th Dynamic impediment?

    EX
    Spot is a dog. Or was a dog. He's been dead
    for 32 years.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Wow, so that means that. . .

    EX SCN
    Yes, that's right. Spot went to Target II with Ron.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    WOW! That's amazing! Wait....
    But what does a dog do at Target II?

    EX SCN
    Advanced research, of course.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Wow that is totally amazing. I never knew
    a dog could do that. Scientology has so many
    mindblowing OT miracles, I love being on the
    bridge and feel sorry for all those deluded Wogs
    who have no reality on what is really going on!


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  7. HelluvaHoax!

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    From another thread discussing OT VIII and other notable Hubbard con games, comes this astute observation:

    - - - - - -

    Originally Posted by Bill

    When you look at it objectively it looks like this:

    -- You have an invisible "thing" that Hubbard "discovered" -- only he knows it exists and only his "tech" can "erase" it.

    -- The improbable "Reactive Mind" has never been proven to exist.

    -- At some point Scientology tells you that you no longer have that invisible thing. Yay!

    -- Then you discover that you have tons of invisible "things" that Hubbard discovered -- only he knows they exist and only his "tech" can get rid of them.

    -- These improbable "Body thetans" have never been proven to exist.

    -- At some point Scientology tells you that you no longer have those invisible things. Yay!

    Or to summarize even more succinctly:

    Hubbard worked out how to make people pay a lot of money to "get rid of" things that don't exist.... Yay?.

    - - - - -
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2019
  8. HelluvaHoax!

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    KSW KOAN: How does Scientology handle a disgruntled PC who originates: "I want all my damn money back! Because, I have wasted decades and hundreds of thousands of dollars getting auditing and trying to go Clear--and I didn't see any proof at all that I even have a damn reactive mind! As a matter of fact, I cognited that I don't even have a reactive mind and I was just imagining it the whole damn time!"


    ANSWER: R-factoring the PC: "Jeez, that's wonderful, the C/S says you may now attest to Clear."

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  9. HelluvaHoax!

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    PC PARADOX #317:

    -- If a PC originates that he (himself) was totally deluded and just made up
    the whole "reactive mind" thing, the PC is given a piece of paper
    that Declares him Clear.

    -- If a PC originates that Ron was totally deluded and just made up
    the whole "reactive mind" thing, the PC is given a piece of paper
    that Declares him SP.

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  10. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    So Dianetics is an implant. Hubbard convinces you that you have a reactive mind that you then rid yourself of it by claiming that you mocked it up.
     
  11. HelluvaHoax!

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    That post made me wonder how a Scientologist in good standing would react to reading the above.

    So I asked one . .

    HH
    Hey Billy, you're a Clear, what do you think about that?

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    I strongly disagree with your joking and degrading. A PC would
    never in a trillion years be allowed to attest to Clear if they
    said they just "made up" their reactive mind. That is not the EP!

    HH
    You mean they have to say they "mocked up" their reactive mind
    instead of saying that they "made up" their reactive mind?

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Exactly!

    HH
    What's the difference between making up and mocking up?

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Well if a being is just "making up" something it means they are
    creating it out of thin air, out of nothing--and that's degraded. But
    if a being is "mocking up" something it means they are creating it
    out of thin air, out of nothing
    --and that's OT!

    HH
    Wait, that seems exactly the same.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN

    It only seems exactly the same because you have not erased
    your reactive mind that makes you dramatize A=A. There is
    a huge difference between a degraded being and a Clear.

    HH
    Really? Like what?

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Well for starters, a Clear has advanced abilities that a DB doesn't have!

    HH
    Like what what advanced ability?

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    That's easy, like the advanced ability to buy and wear a Clear bracelet.


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    Last edited: Jan 6, 2019
  12. HelluvaHoax!

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    There is a very good reason the "CLEAR COG" is kept super-confidential to all lower level and brand new Scientologists. . .

    If new people coming into the org were given an r-factor on their first day that they are mocking up their own reactive minds, it would sabotage mankind's Scientology's only hope (to sell absolutely nothing by telling big-lies to big-beings for big-bucks).

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  13. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Anything that funnels money away or potentially funnels money away is criminal, suppressive and raping babies bad.

    Anything that funnels money into Scientology is upstat, good and ethical...even if it rapes babies.

    Please note, Farrakhan and Danny Masterson.

    That's why letting the confidential OT data loose kills people with restimulation unless it's a Hollywood script or spread out over dustjackets.
     
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  14. PirateAndBum

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    LOL, Planetary clearing by DUST JACKETS! Brilliant!
     
  15. HelluvaHoax!

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    FIFY (below):


    So Dianetics is an implant. Hubbard makes up/mocks up the reactive mind, convinces you that you have a reactive mind that you then rid yourself of it by agreeing with Ron's claim that you mocked it up.
     
  16. phenomanon

    phenomanon Canyon

    Wait! Doesn't hisself say on OTIII that some guy named Pilot was mocking it up?:oops:
     
  17. TomKat

    TomKat Patron Meritorious

    I always found it amusing that the clear cog was right out of the OT3 implant :)
     
  18. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    I think a perfect example of L. Ron Hubbard's character is him using a group of loyal dupes to attack an unarmed and unsuspecting woman, Paulette Cooper, while he remained hidden with intent to drive her to prison, to an insane asylum or to suicide.

    Classic.
     
  19. HelluvaHoax!

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    cross-posted from another thread discussing how hard it is to leave the cult mindset. . .



    Scientology Scenario: A Wog is being disseminated to on the street by a "Body Router":


    WOG WILLIAM
    Jeez, I don't know, it sounds too good to be true.

    STAFF MEMBER SAM
    Then you need to come with me right now into our Ideal Org
    so that you can become the Ideal You!

    WOG WILLIAM
    Well, um, actually I would like to read a little bit first and
    talk to my wife about it before I come in.

    STAFF MEMBER SAM
    That's your reactive mind talking. That's your bank talking.
    That's your ruin, ruining your life, It's going to get wayyyyy
    worse and you are going to end up homeless and destitute
    and naturally then you will die alone in the dark and in pain.

    WOG WILLIAM
    Whattttttttt?

    STAFF MEMBER SAM
    That's right, you can't keep listening to what other people
    tell you to do. You need to rise above your bank here and
    rise above your wife and come with me. This is your first
    step on the Bridge to learn to "THINK FOR YOURSELF!!!"


    CUT TO: 25 YEARS LATER

    Wog William got on the Bridge that day and has been a staff member for the past quarter century. He is an Ideal Scientologist and even his name has changed. He is now BILLY BLOWDOWN--always VGIs, always F/Ning, always cogniting, always winning, always blowing down. Billy is still on his Grades because he has dedicated himself to "clearing the planet" and "rose above" his fixed attention on his "1st Dynamic". He slowly approaches and then sheepishly enters his senior's office--the very same "SAM" that recruited him when he was "raw meat".



    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Sir, apologies for DevTing you sir. But may I have
    a short word with you.

    STAFF MEMBER SAM
    What is it?

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Sir, I have decided that I want to leave staff and do it
    standardly with a standard leaving routing form.

    STAFF MEMBER SAM
    LOL, knock off the bullshit. Get back on post, you're
    only 25 years into your billion year contract, there will be
    plenty of time to dilettante around when the planet is clear.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    No, seriously sir, I've been thinking about this since
    that time you RPFed me for several years for out-2D because
    I felt up my wife before we were married. I had a lot of time
    to think about whether I wanted to live like this, with my wife
    posted in Eastern Europe, I haven't even seen her in 9 years.

    STAFF MEMBER SAM
    Well, like I've been telling you, get your stats into Power and
    make sure you have a fully qual'd and fully hatted replacement
    and then maybe you can CSW to be transferred to her Org.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Sir, I have thought about all that a long time. My wife and I think that it is
    unlikely that we will ever see each other again. And on top of that
    even if we are together, it's off policy for us to have kids, and
    we think that is something we really want.

    STAFF MEMBER SAM
    "WE" think?! You still have that same ruin you had when I first
    body routed your DB ass into the org. You need to learn to think
    for yourself.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Okay, sir. But I did think about it for myself. And I decided that I think
    that I want to route off staff. That's what I think, sir.

    STAFF MEMBER SAM
    That sounds all fine and good but you are not Clear yet, so you are NOT qualified
    to think for yourself yet. The only thoughts you have as a "preclear" per KSW
    are reactive thoughts. Ron states that when you are Clear you can think for yourself.
    Now get back on post with all this counter-intentioned, other-intentioned DevT entheta.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    But sir, I am thinking for myself. I am going to route off staff.
    I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.

    STAFF MEMBER SAM
    WTF? I am assigning you Danger. As your senior I am now going to by-pass you and
    think for you so this danger is handled. Then you can think for yourself.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Um, okay sir. That sounds standard. I'll go back on post now, sir.
    Sorry to DevT you, sir. Oh, may I ask sir, how long do you think it
    will take for me to get out of Danger so that I can t think for myself?

    STAFF MEMBER SAM
    Ron states that it takes as long as it takes.

    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Yes, sir. That sounds standard. I'll begin writing up my Danger Formula
    and submit an amends project for my out ethics situation of going all
    squirrel and trying to think non-standard thoughts when LRH already
    gave us total freedom to pick from the list of Ideal Thoughts.


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  20. hummingbird

    hummingbird Patron with Honors

    Bee-you-tee-full, Hoaxie!!

    :roflmao: