Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    I was with you (I really was...no foolin) right up to the part that you jump.

    If it was Scientology that's when they hand you a chunk of concrete and shove you out the door.
     
  2. Bill

    Bill Gold Meritorious Patron

    Now, to make it more like Scientology, in the end you find out you were in a flight simulator, nobody in Skytology knows how to skydive and you are, at that point, declared suppressive.
     
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  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    . . .

    LOL

    I was originally thinking that since it was the COS (Church of Sky-tology)---that when the guy pulled the cord(s), there wouldn't even be any parachutes packed inside those 2 canvas containers.

    That's the punchline at the end of the joke called "The Bridge To Total Skydiving".

    Just look up he word "total".

    Total skydiving means that you get to experience EVERYTHING associated with skydiving, which includes the occasional loss of a MEST body, which is not significant. Because you have had trillions of meat bodies before. That's a scientific fact. You can verify this by checking a Skytologist on an e-meter and they will F/N on it.

    .

     
  4. HelluvaHoax!

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    .



    THE SENSATIONAL STUPIDITY OF

    HOW SCIENTOLOGISTS LABOR MANY HUNDREDS OF HOURS
    PRACTICING THEIR TRs, BECAUSE THEY ARE TOTALLY CERTAIN
    IT WILL "INCREASE ARC" AND KEY PEOPLE OUT.
    BUT INSTEAD, THEIR TRS MAKE PEOPLE
    HATE SCIENTOLOGISTS AND
    CALL THE POLICE




     
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    This post is inspired by the previous video of the Scientology Attack Lady who knocked on the front door and then pretended she was sane--even though she was saying really insane things. So that she and Ron could create a world without insanity.

    And now, a living demonstration of how a Scientologist uses their "TRs" technology to duplicate and handle others, in order to save the planet.



    NORMAL PERSON
    I am warning you for the last time, get off
    my property before I call the police.

    SCIENTOLOGY ATTACK LADY
    I get that.
    Nowwww, why are you doing auditing in your home.

    NORMAL PERSON
    What business is that of yours?

    SCIENTOLOGY ATTACK LADY
    I get that.
    Nowwww, look--it's not standard. I want you to get all
    the wins that only standard tech can bring.
    You can't do auditing at home, so I'm here to handle you.

    NORMAL PERSON
    What do you mean, "you can't do auditing at home", that's
    exactly what Hubbard told everyone to do when he wrote
    Dianetics The Modern Science of Mental Health.

    SCIENTOLOGY ATTACK LADY
    I get that.
    Nowwww, do you have anything in writing where
    Ron said it's okay to audit at home?

    NORMAL PERSON
    Sure, it says exactly that in every single copy of the tens of
    millions of Dianetics books that you people sell.

    SCIENTOLOGY ATTACK LADY
    I get that.
    Nowwww, have you been word cleared on that?

    NORMAL PERSON
    I am warning you for the last time. Get off my property
    because I am not only going to call the police, I am going to
    open my screen door in 5 seconds--and let my 7 attack pit bulls
    out and they are going to chew your face off. 5...4...3...

    SCIENTOLOGY ATTACK LADY
    I get that.
    Nowwww, how else have you justified
    doing auditing without paying us for it?

    NORMAL PERSON
    ....2.....1...

    (7 PIT BULLS CHARGE OUT & CHEW HER FACE OFF)

    SCIENTOLOGY ATTACK LADY
    (says to dogs)
    I get that.

    .
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2019
  6. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    A normal day in the theta, ethical, uptone, winning life of a lovely, dedicated Scientology married couple.


    OSA 2D TERMINAL #1
    (enters house)
    Hi honey, I'm home.


    OSA 2D TERMINAL #2
    Hi dear. How was work today?


    OSA 2D TERMINAL #1
    Oh it was great! I went to someone's
    house and got my product.


    OSA 2D TERMINAL #2
    Wow, that's wonderful honey.
    I'd love to hear your wins.


    OSA 2D TERMINAL #1
    Well, at the end of the cycle the person was
    totally enturbulated, screaming, crying
    and utterly spun in like a babbling psychotic DB.


    OSA 2D TERMINAL #2
    Fantastic win! But you seem slightly
    worried, what's wrong honey?


    OSA 2D TERMINAL#1
    Well, it was such a huge win and I was
    so blown out and had such a dial-wide floating TA
    that I am worried that.........well, I am worried that I will
    have a persistent F/N and not be able to go in session.


    What?! You actually thought for a moment that a Scientologist was "worried" because they had a conscience? LOL

    .

    NON-SCIENTOLOGISTS' DINKY DICTIONARY
    OSA: 1. Office Of Special Affairs. 2. The branch of Scientology that applies the "Modern Science of Mental Health" technology to make sane people people who disagree with L. Ron Hubbard's hoax go insane.
    F/N: 1. Floating Needle 2. The e-meter reaction when a Scientologist is able to feel joyous about things that didn't happen.
    DIAL-WIDE FLOATING TA: 1. A e-meter Tone Arm (knob) that is buttered all over the dial. 2. The meter reaction when a Scientologist is buttered all over the universe, thus attaining an advanced state of manic delusional glee.
    PERSISTENT F/N: 1. An e-meter reaction scientifically signifying that the auditing has driven the Scientologist so crazy that day that they are unable to go even crazier. When this happens the Scientologist must wait until another day (when they have become slightly saner), to try again.


    .

     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2019
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  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    cross-posted from another thread discussing
    "HOW WAS YOUR SERVICE AT FLAG"
    (Scientology's most perfectly ideal org)
    - - - - - -


    At Flag, everyone is agreeing soooooooooooooo much!
    At Flag, everyone is winning sooooooooooooooo much!
    AT Flag, everyone is VVGIs soooooooooooooooo much!


    Typical cult conversation you hear all day, every day at Flag. . .


    BETTY BONKERS
    Hey how's it going?

    FRED FANTASIC
    I'm doing fantastic.

    BETTY BONKERS
    Yeah you look great.

    FRED FANTASTIC
    Yeah I feel great. How are you?

    BETTY BONKERS
    I am doing sooooo good!

    FRED FANTASTIC
    Yeah you look great!

    BETTY BONKERS
    Yeah, I'm totally blown out.

    FRED FANTASTIC
    Yeah, you look fantastic.

    BETTY BONKERS
    This is the best I've ever been doing my whole life.

    FRED FANTASTIC
    Me too! I've never felt this blown out before.

    BETTY BONKERS
    You look amazing. What rundown are you on?

    FRED FANTASTIC
    Well, technically I haven't started the auditing
    yet, I'm still doing the arrival routing form.

    BETTY BONKERS
    Oh wow, I'm still on the arrival routing form too!

    FRED FANTASTIC
    Yeah, me too. But, I have gotten more wins and case gain on
    this arrival routing form than all of the other arrival routing
    forms I have ever done in Scientology combined!

    BETTY BONKERS
    Wow, me too! I started blowing charge on the airplane
    100 miles before we even landed at Tampa airport!

    FRED FANTASTIC
    Wow, I had the same experience! How does that even happen?

    BETTY BONKERS
    Well, it's because there is so much theta in the space at Flag, so
    you can feel the charge starting to blow if you even get close to it.

    FRED FANTASTIC
    Yeah totally! And you can start to feel the wins too.

    BETTY BONKERS
    Yeah, totally. Even before my plane took off to go to Flag, the moment
    the "Fasten Seatbelt" sign came on, I could feel my engrams starting to blow.

    FRED FANTASTIC
    Wow, amazing. The ruin I came into Scientology to handle 20 years ago
    like totally blew--when I got in line during pre-boarding.

    BETTY BONKERS
    Not a bad win- - -but I felt like I had just gone through the Wall of Fire
    the moment I had gone through the airport metal detector.


    .
     
  8. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    LOL. I thought I read "HOW WAS YOUR SERVICE FAC AT FLAG" and had to take a second look. That's what happens when you get old. Your eyes start playing tricks on you.
     
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  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .
    cross-posted from another thread
    "Can the COS survive without Miscavige?"
    - - - - - -


    Nominated for Winner in the Category of:
    APOSTATE'S ASTOUNDING ALLEGORICAL ALLUSIONS
    LOL. Damn, that was so good!

    I hope that others shall note & enjoy the witty wordcraft of those colorful allusions as much as I did.


    .
     
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  10. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Scientology can help you with that.
     
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  11. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    That is one of the very best 30-words-or-less descriptions of the hoax of Scientology ever written!

    When a Skytologist sector-salvager has that CultCog, they have achieved "total freedom" from Hubbard's hubristic & hypocritically hellacious hoax.

    However, Skytologists in good standing do not necessarily agree. . .

    . .
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2019
  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    ...

    A few months marks the 10th anniversary that I have been enjoying ESMB. From time to time, I have pondered the answer to this question:

    WHAT IS THE SINGLE & ESSENTIAL
    CORE BELIEF OF SCIENTOLOGY?

    Think "basic-basic" on the chain, so that the entire unholy mess erases, lol.

    I simply ran across too many "core beliefs" and frequently stopped wondering, on the vague notion that trying to find "one" fundamental stupid idea could be any stupider than the rest. That quest felt like being supplied with a spoon and then told to go outside and catch the rain before it makes everything wet.

    Perhaps, the question is framed in a way that makes it futile to find the root Scientology "essence" that degrades, corrupts and destroys everything within its gravitational field; (essence - noun: the intrinsic nature or indispensable quality of something, especially something abstract, that determines its character).

    Maybe this is like trying to discover who/what is the "Prime Mover, Unmoved". Jeez, that would be more advanced than mere "total cause", it would be the "cause of the cause" (or in Scientologese--the causeness of the causeness, lol.

    So, one may wonder, why is this post even on the "Stupid Thread"? I don't know, maybe this. . .

    Axiom: Scientology is so stupid that Scientologists don't even know what Scientology is.

    Corollary: Scientology is so stupid that even ex-Scientologists don't know exactly WTF happened.

    So, what is Scientology's essential core element (belief, idea, concept, lie, trick, implant, koolaid, misdirection, con, fraud, brainwashing, hoax, gimmick, psychological legerdemain, et al) that lies at the origin point of a the metaphysical virus known as the COS (Cult of Stupefaction)?

    I think that every one of the billion posts I have read/made is actually a search for the answer.

    Since I have things to do at the moment (in the MEST universe, on this planet), I will make designate this:

    PART I: (to be continued)

    .
     
  13. HelluvaHoax!

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    .

    PART II: WHAT IS THE SINGLE & ESSENTIAL CORE BELIEF OF SCIENTOLOGY?


    Hmmmm, I just thought of something.

    What if the essence of Scientology is simply making people stupid?

    So they think stupid thoughts.

    And do stupid things.

    And to make people too stupid to realize what Scientology is doing?

    And, even if someone figured it out, they would stupidly keep looking for another "better" or "more logical" answer.
    LOL


    END OF PART II (to be continued) ​
    .
     
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  14. Churchill

    Churchill Gold Meritorious Patron

    Not just stupid, but stupid and evil...a toxic combination.
     
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  15. TomKat

    TomKat Patron Meritorious

    I think he describes himself in Science of Survival, something about a 1.1 being a liar and coward
     
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  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    YES!

    Ergo. . .

    RTC: Religious Toxicity Cult

    .
     
  17. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    I LOVE your metaphor! :biglove:

    I simply ran across too many "core beliefs" and frequently stopped wondering, on the vague notion that trying to find "one" fundamental stupid idea could be any stupider than the rest. That quest felt like being supplied with a spoon and then told to go outside and catch the rain before it makes everything wet.

    If I could narrow it down to one thing, I'd say:

    Scientology's core belief is that everything you imagine is real, what you knew as reality is not real, and everything you learned before Scientology is wrong.
     
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  18. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    100% true.

    This is what LRH espoused in lecture after lecture in the early 50's,
    when he was building the foundations of his "science of the mind."
    You couldn't put it more succinctly than this.

    Nothing more to say about it. :clap:
     
  19. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Thanks, Lisbeth! :hug:

    It's a real mind bender, isn't it.
     
  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    What the hell do you think you're doing?!

    That discovery just created massive layoffs and worldwide unemployment in the Scientology Criticism Industry!

    Same thing happened in the early 80's (when computers arrived) to the millions of factory workers at plants manufacturing typewriter "correction fluid".

    [​IMG]

    Brilliant quote by JustSheila!

    Well, nothing left for us bitter apostates to do now at ESMB--guess we'll all be looking for a new hobby.


    ps: Thanks a lot Sheila, for wrecking the internet for everybody!
    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2019
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