Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    "Scientology's core belief is that everything you imagine is real, what you knew as reality is not real, and everything you learned before Scientology is wrong."

    This has to be a reflection of hubbard's state of mind. He couldn't deal with the real world and retreated into his own fantasy world.
     
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  2. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Thanks, HH. You get my brain humming! :biglove:

    Maybe we can all take up miniature golf now?

    [​IMG]
     
  3. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Speaking of white-out, there was a lost tek between white-out and white out pens that you forgot. :omg:

    First there were typewriters, but not all of them had correction ribbons like this:
    [​IMG]
    Even if you had one of those cool, new-fangled typewriters that took a correction ribbon, those ribbons got used up fast so you were always running out. It got stuck and mangled sometimes, too, and was a hassle to pull the tape apart and then when you did, the white part was ruined so it only took part of a letter off. Really irritating while I was typing up dad's police reports. :coolwink:

    So along came correction paper. Much better stuff. You just slid it beneath the paper and the metal holders and hit the correction key, which had an x on it and was on the top or bottom right) which would then backspace and you then typed the letter(s) you wanted to correct.

    https://www.aroundtheoffice.com/Typ...p-Tabs-Sheets/productinfo/COVER-UP-30CT-TABS/

    White out takes too long to dry, clumps up and smears.

    In all cases, it was prudent to type accurately the first time. :) These days, nobody cares, it seems...
     
  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    I almost went with correcto-ribbon "technology" in that post, but liquid "white-out" seemed so much more primitively homo sapiens, on this planet.

    On the subject of "technology", I will take this opportunity to remind readers of the tech where Ron states: "The only reason a person gives up or abandons a subject is because of a misunderstood word".

    That brings us to "The Why" that I abandoned the use of typewriters entirely. I blew because I had a gargantuan MU on how to apply the correction ribbon/white-out technology to handle the 2nd and 3rd carbon copies when a mistake was made.

    [​IMG]


    That was quite a technology, right?

    Carbon paper must have been one of LRH's wholetrack discoveries because it not only "DUPLICATED" your communication particles---it reduced DevT ("...reduce work") and it brought the being up the tone scale ("...happier office staff").

    Carbon paper also has the additional bonus value that it renders a "perfect duplication", which as everyone already knows facilitates erasing charge!

    CarbonPaperology---the only game in the universe where everyone wins!

    .
     
  5. PirateAndBum

    PirateAndBum Gold Meritorious Patron

    Co$ is probably keeping Carter's in business as their only customer for carbon paper.
     
  6. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    :roflmao: Carbon paper! Scientology invoices: original plus FIVE COPIES to be filed in various places, the central files copy to go in their CF folder, the consecutive file record for the banking officer, the pulled apart by category copies, the Treasury copy to go in their accounting folder and the original to the Scientologist customer.

    Because El con didn't understand double-entry bookkeeping and knew it was because he was smarter than accountants, he had to develop his own tek with high tek CARBON PAPER. Such genius!

    This tek was taken further by DM, who then had computerized mailing lists distributed to various orgs so that after signing onto the Communications course, a person would then be in dozens of CF files at various orgs around the world and receive as many as 50 letters a week from them asking when they were coming back to do more services.

    Sure! We'll take you off our mailing list! Now you've only got 49 more to get off before they re-enter you in the computer system.

    This rejuvenated Scientology to the "fastest growing religion ever!"

    10x members with 10x the mailing lists!
     
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  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    cross posted from another thread discussing
    "Possible New OT Levels?"
    - - - - - -




    SPIRITUAL CONSCIOUSNESS BOOK OF CASE REMEDIES
    A MANUAL COVERING PRECLEAR DIFFICULTIES AND THEIR REMEDIES


    REMEDY X
    Applies to: ANY PC.

    What is Noticed: PC has spiraled down to the degraded case condition known as a BLACK V. [Black V: 1 . a heavily occluded case characterized by mental pictures consisting of masses of blackness. 2 . a level of nonperception, wherein the the person is only seeing blackness.]

    What is Established: PC has been assigned to the Spritual Rehabilitation Project Force, yet despite several years of MEST work still refuses to come into present time. PC complains that whenever they look at their hands they are only seeing blackness.

    What to Do: Look for signs PC has been using standard tech to clean windows and thereafter substitute Windex and paper towels.




    .





    NO REALLY, IT'S AN ACTUAL THING:
    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2019
  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Scientology ain't the only cult that tells & sells stupid lies for a living. . .

    AXIOM: All cults lie.​

    COROLLARY: All cult lies make people stupid.​

    COROLLARY: All stupid people believe cult lies.​

    Example: Socialist cult leaders (e.g. Ocasio-Cortez, Kamala Harris, Kirsten Gillibrand, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren et al) who, like L. Ron Hubbard, cannot ever possibly in a billion years "Deliver What Is Promised".


    THE CULT OF PITSS
    Pie-In-The-Sky-Socialists

    I can't remember if I cried
    When I read about his widowed bride how Socialists lied.
    Something touched me deep inside
    The day the music Free Market died

    So
    Bye, bye Miss American Pie (in the sky)
    Drove Lost my Chevy to the levee a tax levy but the levee was dry the fines were heavy and high
    And them good ole boys Socialists were drinking whiskey koolaid and rye blue sky
    Singin' this'll be the day that I die lie
    This'll be the day that I your freedom will die



    .
     
  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    I wondered if there is a Scientology-specific version of that "American Pie" anthem. Who knows, let's try it . . .



    THE CULT OF PITSS
    Pie-In-The-Sky-Scientologists

    I can't remember if I cried
    When I read about how L. Ron lied
    Something restimulated me deep inside
    The day the Total Freedom died

    So
    Bye, bye Modern Science of pie-in-the-sky
    Borrowed on my Chevy, my pay got levied, now my bank account's dry
    And them good ole OT gurus were selling a gargantuan Big Lie*
    Claimin' this'll be the day that you can fly!
    This'll be the day your common sense will die.

    .

    * wiki
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2019
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  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    ..

    SCIENTOLOGY KOAN


    If all mistakes are caused by a PTS condition
    Who/What are Scientologists PTS to
    that they made the mistake of joining Scientology?




    ANSWER: Hubbard's Pie in The Sky


    .


     
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  11. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .


    Nominated for the Stupid Scientology Moments hall of fame. . .

    The moment any Scientologist ever exuberantly exclaimed: "SCIENTOLOGY WORKS!"

    - - - - - -

    Scientology works for those who have achieved the ability to "rise above" reality.

    Scientology is a two-stage process.

    (Entering Scientology): Suspension of disbelief

    (Advanced Scientology): Suspension of dissed bts

    Ergo, Scientology is essentially a Suspension Bridge.

    .

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    Last edited: Feb 12, 2019
  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Perhaps there is nothing stupider in Scientology than its OT magazine ("Advance!") and the OT WINS it regularly published.


    [​IMG]


    A typical "MIRACLE WIN" was when an advanced OT level Scientologist (who had spent 20 years and over $600,000 to attain supernatural god-like powers) was driving a car and found a parking space.

    Seriously.

    Because. . .

    They "postulated" that they would find a parking space and then. . .

    They found a parking space.

    $600,000. That works out to $30,000 a year.

    For parking.

    That's $2,500 a month, to park.

    I guess that is a miracle, in a way.

    Because it's a miracle the Scientologist didn't think of not wasting 20 years, by simply paying another Scientologist $ 2,500 per month to be a full time chauffeur.



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  13. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Here is an outstanding OT WIN by a regular contributor to the Stupid Thread, Billy Blowdown.

    Billy is an Ideal Scientologist. He has attained OT VIII. He has recovered his wholetrack miracle powers!

    Billy's motto is: "Always winning! Always F/Ning! Always Blowing Down!"

    Billy hopes will one day others have similar miracles to his own.

    [​IMG]



    Scientology Works OT Success Story!
    - Billy Blowdown OT VIII


    I stopped at a traffic light that had turned red. I waited for it to change an inordinately long time but it was in a stuck condition. Not wanting to commit any overts against the Way to Happiness (by breaking the law and going thru the intersection) I waited several hours without any joy. Then I cognited that I should use Ron's tech!

    I immediately spotted that I was in "waiting" on the know to mystery scale and that blew a ton of by passed charge. Then I realized that I could use postulates to make it go right! I made a tone 40 postulate that the light would change to green.

    It changed to green and I drove thru. Scientology works! I also cognited that it is important to include in one's postulate a time factor. Because it took an additional 8 hours of sitting motionless in my car (confronting that red light) before the city's street maintenance crew finally arrived and fixed that light--and so I missed an entire day's work. The next time this happens I will remember that wogs have a terrible com lag before they duplicate the postulates of an OT.

    Thanks Ron!

    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2019
  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Re-posted from another suppressive thread engaging in
    the crime of joking & degrading about mankind's only hope:

    "I Still Feel Like A Scientologist When. . . "
    - - - - - -

    posted by HelluvaHoax!

    posted by HelluvaHoax!
    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2019 at 2:09 AM
  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .
    .

    Sorry, just thought of something else unbelievably stupid about my last post:


    INEXPLICABLY STUPID ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE

    How many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years or- -
    hundreds, thousands, millions, billions or trillions of years would it
    actually take to explain to a non-scientologist what the above post meant?


    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2019 at 2:05 AM
  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Posted by Programmer_Guy on another thread
    .
    OT WIN FROM
    RETREAT!
    MAGAZINE

    Think "Advance!" magazine, but instead of going " Up The Bridge"- -
    reversing direction, in order to GTFO and escape Total Freedom.

    When I was in Scientology I was strictly warned never to turn the sensitivity knob higher than 10 on my e-meter. Because it was a "crime" and "evil suppressive act" that would sabotage all beings on this planet.

    One day, I went all rebel-type-III and did the forbidden---turned it up to 11. Just to see WTF would happen.

    My e-meter instantly transformed into a b-meter.

    A bullshit meter.

    And everything in Scientology was reading.

    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2019 at 6:55 AM
  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .



    KSW KOAN
    If Scientology worked,
    wouldn't Scientologists "obnose"
    that it doesn't work and blow?


    .
     
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  18. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    I suspect that when Scientologists obnose that Scientology hasn't worked for them they believe the problem is internal (in Scientologuese, within their own universe). They're concerned that they either have false data,are out-ruds, not sessionable, SP, PTS I,II,III,A,B,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J, SP, etc.

    They attend the events with all the wonderful examples of Scientology working, everyone clapping wildly, with reports of the greatest expansion ever!

    They're looking at so many possibilities except for the one leading to the Blow Cog.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2019 at 12:14 AM
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  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    What you said is so true. Therefore, so suppressive! LOL

    Yeah, da cult gotz "99 problems..." (that prevent the tech from working), "....but a hoax ain't one."

    When the COS justifies to credulous culties the first 99 reasons the tech didn't work and the blinkless Scientologist is just beginning to get a little suspicious, they then r-factor the PC about problem #100.

    SCIENTOLOGY
    You're an SP. That's why the tech doesn't work on you.

    PC
    Really? Why didn't you tell me that before
    I wasted 30 years and $890,000?

    SCIENTOLOGY
    We didn't want to evaluate for you.

    PC
    But you can evaluate for me now? Why
    didn't you just tell me the tech wouldn't work on me?

    SCIENTOLOGY
    But the tech DID work on you. Ron states in HCOBs that
    an SP cannot have case gain. And that is exactly
    what happened. See? Ron's tech was 100% correct!

    .
     
  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Talking about SPs, this Stupid Thread would be sadly remiss if we didn't mention the mind-deadening stupidity of. . .

    TECH ESTIMATES
    Kindly recall that L. Don Hubbard (The commodore's evil twin brother; see avatar) once worked with Ron Hubbard doing wholetrack research.

    At that time, just moments before he became disaffected, Don discovered this heretofore hidden Scientology axiom on the subject of Tech Estimates.
    IN SCIENTOLOGY, A CELEBRITY IS ANYONE WHOSE BANK
    ACCOUNT BALANCE EQUALS OR EXCEEDS THEIR TECH ESTIMATE

    When Don blew, it was discovered that he was an SP all along. Being declared, however, did not impede nor slow Don's continuing tech research. He recently analyzed the very odd events surrounding Scientology celebrity Leah Remini, who also blew and was declared SP.

    Leah was guilty of committing an outrageously suppressive act and crime, asking someone at Tom Cruise's wedding where Scientology leader David Miscavige's wife Shelly was.

    For that evil overt, Leah was ordered to Flag where she was brutally sec checked for 3 months to "find her crimes and evil purposes", for which she was required to pay $300,000.


    Yes, 3 months, $300,000.

    This brings us to L. Don Hubbard's most recently discovered advanced axiom regarding Tech Estimates:

    IN SCIENTOLOGY A BEING'S TECH ESTIMATE IS ALWAYS
    SLIGHTLY GREATER THAN THEIR FINANCIAL CAPABILITY.
    THIS TECHNOLOGY FORCES THE BEING TO REACH FOR
    MORE MONEY, THUS REVERSING THE DWINDLING

    SPIRAL BY INCREASING THEIR HAVINGNESS


    .