I think I totally get what you mean. It takes away so much of the essence of an individual. It takes away their beauty and their uniqueness. You end up with all these happy-clappy clone-like people, with emptiness in their eyes. I was dead inside as a true-believing scientologist. I had become a person that no longer had original thoughts of my own, that behaved in ways that were all aligned with the scientology system. I could not see that. I had been trained not to. The walking dead, with shallow smiles on their faces. Pawns in a nasty cruel sick game. Reconnecting with my true inner self, with life with all its greyness and uncertainty was an extraordinary process. Painful, joyful, and every other damn thing in between. The big questions like "who am I, really?" and "why did I sell my soul like this?" were not easy to answer because they are so intimate and isolating. No one can answer them other than self. I guess for me, commitment was key. I committed myself to becoming loyal to experiencing myself without external influences. I'm not sure that makes sense.