Vinaire's Story

[Good twin]

Congratulations Vinay and family. Your story is one of true inspiration. If you don't resist suffering it becomes grace. You my friend are the most graceful and gracious person I know.

GT

 

[The_Fixer]

One thing stands out about Sea Org.

It was an adventure, which I would not have had otherwise.

I can observe Sea Org as an adventure because I did not resist it. And in doing so, I did play with my life. I am surprised that I am alive today.
Let me confess something at the outset. I did not join Sea Org to help mankind. I joined Sea Org because I was a poor student and auditing was too expensive. In Sea org, I thought, I could get free auditing.

.

This reminds me of a documentary I saw many years ago concerning a New Zealand woman who spent many years in India. She commented that Indians had a particularly fatalistic view of life and seemed to accept just about anything in their stride.

Vinaire sounds like a typical soul of India who has broadened his outlook(s) by living in America and experiencing the diversity of life and living there.

Enjoyed the story, and you really sound like a great guy with some wonderful outlooks.

If only someone like Vinnie started off Scientology (or something like it). I could imagine the world being a much better place by now. Especially considering what others have said about you being in Sea Org back then.

 

[Vinaire]

This reminds me of a documentary I saw many years ago concerning a New Zealand woman who spent many years in India. She commented that Indians had a particularly fatalistic view of life and seemed to accept just about anything in their stride.

Vinaire sounds like a typical soul of India who has broadened his outlook(s) by living in America and experiencing the diversity of life and living there.

Enjoyed the story, and you really sound like a great guy with some wonderful outlooks.

If only someone like Vinnie started off Scientology (or something like it). I could imagine the world being a much better place by now. Especially considering what others have said about you being in Sea Org back then.

Thank you for your sentiments. I have no intentions of starting anything like Scientology. I just want to give away free what I have come to understand. It is being documented on my blog.

.

 

[The_Fixer]

I have no intentions of starting anything like Scientology.

.

My comment about Scio was a little tongue in cheek. I was simply thinking what it would have been like if a person such as yourself instead of LRH had started this.

From what I have read about you so far, it would most likely have been properly researched, organised and ran with a great sense of humanity.

This Idenics sounds interesting. I will look it up soon.

Out of curiosity, what is the English equivalent of Vinay?

 

[Vinaire]

My comment about Scio was a little tongue in cheek. I was simply thinking what it would have been like if a person such as yourself instead of LRH had started this.

From what I have read about you so far, it would most likely have been properly researched, organised and ran with a great sense of humanity.

This Idenics sounds interesting. I will look it up soon.

Out of curiosity, what is the English equivalent of Vinay?

"Vinay" is a word used in "Vinaya Pitaka" of Buddhist scriptures. I think it refers to "discipline" combined with humility or humbleness. It is a name given to me by my parents and I have used it all my life.

But I know I have been a pain to many people.

.

 

[Vinaire]

I just finished watching this documentary on PBS about J. Robert Oppenheimer, and it left me with a sad, sad feeling.

Oppenheimer did a great service to America. He directed the development of the atomic bomb. But his voice for moderation in the development and use of nuclear weapons, led to his own destruction by some people high up in the government, who were paranoid about security and survival.

The 1954 hearing, which Oppenheimer went through, is a classic in suppression. That hearing destroyed Oppenheimer psychologically. Edward Teller was one of his colleagues who had testified against him in that 1954 hearing. I remember attending Edward Teller's lecture at M.I.T., but I did not know much about Teller at that time.

I feel very sorry for Oppenheimer, a great scientist, to be broken and destroyed like that. It seems as if he was hated for his great mind by some very jealous people.

The documentary also said that Oppenheimer was searching within himself throughout his life. He didn't like what he saw in himself. I believe that all great minds have struggled in a similar manner.

I now believe that a search after self is like chasing a mirage. Self is an illusion. It is better to look at whatever appears as "self" to be out there as a part of the scene. It is an intimate part of what one is observing. It is made of one's considerations. Underneath that "self" there is nothing of substance.

I feel that if Oppenheimer had known and understood Buddha, he finally would have found peace.

Peace to you brother!

.

 

[Vinaire]

Recent birthday celebrations shared with my daughter:

Birthday 2011

My daughter and I have the same birthday.

.

 

[Vinaire]

I just finished watching this documentary on PBS about J. Robert Oppenheimer, and it left me with a sad, sad feeling.

Oppenheimer did a great service to America. He directed the development of the atomic bomb. But his voice for moderation in the development and use of nuclear weapons, led to his own destruction by some people high up in the government, who were paranoid about security and survival.

The 1954 hearing, which Oppenheimer went through, is a classic in suppression. That hearing destroyed Oppenheimer psychologically. Edward Teller was one of his colleagues who had testified against him in that 1954 hearing. I remember attending Edward Teller's lecture at M.I.T., but I did not know much about Teller at that time.

I feel very sorry for Oppenheimer, a great scientist, to be broken and destroyed like that. It seems as if he was hated for his great mind by some very jealous people.

The documentary also said that Oppenheimer was searching within himself throughout his life. He didn't like what he saw in himself. I believe that all great minds have struggled in a similar manner.

I now believe that a search after self is like chasing a mirage. Self is an illusion. It is better to look at whatever appears as "self" to be out there as a part of the scene. It is an intimate part of what one is observing. It is made of one's considerations. Underneath that "self" there is nothing of substance.

I feel that if Oppenheimer had known and understood Buddha, he finally would have found peace.

Peace to you brother!

.

I think that I am moving toward a better understanding of self.

KHTK 14: THE SELF AS THE LOOKER

.

 

[Auditor's Toad]

"Re: Vinaire's Story

Originally Posted by Vinaire

I just finished watching this documentary on PBS about J. Robert Oppenheimer, and it left me with a sad, sad feeling.

Oppenheimer did a great service to America. He directed the development of the atomic bomb. But his voice for moderation in the development and use of nuclear weapons, led to his own destruction by some people high up in the government, who were paranoid about security and survival.

The 1954 hearing, which Oppenheimer went through, is a classic in suppression. That hearing destroyed Oppenheimer psychologically. Edward Teller was one of his colleagues who had testified against him in that 1954 hearing. I remember attending Edward Teller's lecture at M.I.T., but I did not know much about Teller at that time.

I feel very sorry for Oppenheimer, a great scientist, to be broken and destroyed like that. It seems as if he was hated for his great mind by some very jealous people.

The documentary also said that Oppenheimer was searching within himself throughout his life. He didn't like what he saw in himself. I believe that all great minds have struggled in a similar manner.

I now believe that a search after self is like chasing a mirage. Self is an illusion. It is better to look at whatever appears as "self" to be out there as a part of the scene. It is an intimate part of what one is observing. It is made of one's considerations. Underneath that "self" there is nothing of substance.

I feel that if Oppenheimer had known and understood Buddha, he finally would have found peace.

Peace to you brother!

I think that I am moving toward a better understanding of self.

KHTK 14: THE SELF AS THE LOOKER "

One just has to love a fella who unabashadely quotes himself................. repeatedly.

 

[IRChristo]

Yes, TRULY funny what we remember.

Vinaire, sorry but I totally disagree.

I noticed your presence in the SO.

You stood out like a ruby in a black man's ear (to quote Joni Mitchell).

I never met you, but I did handle your communications, they stood out. You were never in the SO mindset. You were an obvious outsider, your neat writing in blue ink, I can see it now. Everyone else scrawled, pen digging into the paper, ripping it in an effort to achieve tone 40. Your quiet calm handwriting seemed as if from another world. Your paper presence seemed above Thursday evolutions and sleepness nights, oddly sane in a deluge of frantic panic, demands, reports, chits and accusations.

Funny what you remember.

 

[The_Fixer]

I just finished watching this documentary on PBS about J. Robert Oppenheimer, and it left me with a sad, sad feeling.

Oppenheimer did a great service to America. He directed the development of the atomic bomb. But his voice for moderation in the development and use of nuclear weapons, led to his own destruction by some people high up in the government, who were paranoid about security and survival.

The 1954 hearing, which Oppenheimer went through, is a classic in suppression. That hearing destroyed Oppenheimer psychologically. Edward Teller was one of his colleagues who had testified against him in that 1954 hearing. I remember attending Edward Teller's lecture at M.I.T., but I did not know much about Teller at that time.

I feel very sorry for Oppenheimer, a great scientist, to be broken and destroyed like that. It seems as if he was hated for his great mind by some very jealous people.

The documentary also said that Oppenheimer was searching within himself throughout his life. He didn't like what he saw in himself. I believe that all great minds have struggled in a similar manner.

I now believe that a search after self is like chasing a mirage. Self is an illusion. It is better to look at whatever appears as "self" to be out there as a part of the scene. It is an intimate part of what one is observing. It is made of one's considerations. Underneath that "self" there is nothing of substance.

I feel that if Oppenheimer had known and understood Buddha, he finally would have found peace.

Peace to you brother!

.

This reminds me of another story that has endured over the years. That of Eva Peron, or Evita. A documentary I watched fairly recently seemed to suggest that she was the subject of a black PR campaign waged by the privileged and wealthy classes of Argentina of the day. She actually achieved much good in her time and showed up the efforts of the Argentinian nobility of then. It appears she was politically crucified so as they could "save face", or allowing the impovershed to "rise above their station", a horrifying and/or threatening prospect for them. Eva was one of the unwashed masses that rose up, so just for that, she was a serious threat.

Naturally, the truth is open to conjecture, especially as we have more information to use in these current times, but it stands that she was a woman of ideals who cared for others. Anyone's past will always intrude upon their ideals on occasions, and I assume she would have been no exception, but it's their actions that show what they truly stand for and believe.

From what I have been reading, Vinaire must have been a distraction to the church's preachings. I also believe that his demeanour would eventually have come to the management's attention, eventually. Then either he would have been black PR'd or shiipped off to somewhere very quiet. Calmness and serenity would have been seen as out ethics, and to be severely dealt with.

Historically, anyone who is intellectually superior or more mentally stable....or actually just makes plain sense generally, is usually seen as a threat and must be villified and removed from office. Preferably after being pubically disgraced in order to elevate the position of the disgracer.

Sound familiar? It's not just a scientology thing.

 

[Auditor's Toad]

<snip>

I now believe that a search after self is like chasing a mirage. Self is an illusion. It is better to look at whatever appears as "self" to be out there as a part of the scene.

.

Vinny.

Thank you! I now get why you remain so throughly confused !

Bye.


Toady

 

[Auditor's Toad]

Vinnie, Vinnie where are you dude?

 

[Good twin]

He'll be fine Toad.

 

[Auditor's Toad]

Good. He sort of took off on us real quickly.

He's done it before.

Maybe another breather ........and some fresh air.

 

[Free to shine]

Good. He sort of took off on us real quickly.

He's done it before.

Maybe another breather ........and some fresh air.

He's taking a 4 week holiday (ie banned), it's on the other thread.

 

[Good twin]

He's banned and rightfully so. I think maybe he has outgrown ESMB.

 

[Auditor's Toad]

He's taking a 4 week holiday (ie banned), it's on the other thread.

Oh, I've had those suspensions, too..............no biggie.

 

[Knows]

[Previously posted on Beliefnet 11/29/02 8:55 PM]

The idea of me distributing leaflets at a street corner did not fit with the image I had of myself. I had always strived to meet the expectations of my parents by being a straight-A student. In spite of my physical condition I was able to maintain A’s in all subjects during my first semester at M.I.T. To be distributing strange fliers at a street corner was way below my dignity. What if somebody from M.I.T. saw me doing this strange thing? I was at first horrified at this thought.

But somewhere buried within me was a streak of rebellion that surged now and then. I was always a very obedient son as was required by my culture. I used to get praised for that by my relatives. But I had also felt a growing feeling of suffocation within me. Once there was an incident when, in India, we were all sitting at the dinner table and my father tried to micromanage something simple that I was doing. All of a sudden something snapped, and I told my father not to interfere and that I was capable of thinking for myself. He was stunned and so was everyone else at the table. Nobody opposed my father. I left the table very surprised at my own self. It was like committing an OVERT. I went to my room. Nobody followed me. I was a near adult.

It created a great mental turmoil for me. I sat down at my desk and wrote the following poem:

JIGSAW PUZZLE

Everybody
Is a jigsaw puzzle,
Made of a number of pieces
Uncountable.
There are pieces -
Square,
Oblong, and
Of all sort of weird shapes.
It is time's gradual task
To fit them together
Right pieces at right places.

I,
As a jigsaw puzzle,
Am scattered all around.
Whatever is assembled,
Is forced into places
By inhibiting forces
Which shielded my eyes
With an affectionate but strict hand
Assuming me to be
Too young and incapable
Even to recognize those pieces.

I was not misjudged completely
By those inhibiting forces
For, I was too young
To know their shattering influence.
My opinion
I wonder if it could exist!
For the balance to judge them
They themselves provided.
Thus, they went on fitting pieces
Just as they wished
And I was happy
In my ignorance.

But a jigsaw puzzle
Has only one solution.
A misfit at one place
Causes many at others.
And too many misfits when forced
May shatter the whole assembly.
A misfit far away
When forced into the puzzle
Shattered my assembly,
Making me realize
The obsession created out of affection
Which was guided by a stubborn will.​

Now I was faced with a dilemma. I was required to do something that did not fit with my image of myself at all.

But that old rebellion streak surged in me again. Did I like myself the way I was? Not really. Why not then I do something that was totally out of character for me. I decided to distribute the fliers, but at a street corner in Boston, far from the M.I.T. campus.

That was a momentous decision for me. It changed the subsequent course of my life.

.

The ole "religious" trap - get your sins off in confession and Hubbard knew that everyone "sinned" - so he designed this clever little trap and because you did not know that everyone sinned or made mistakes daily and had transgressions from their "ideal self" - you got baited by thinking "this EO had super powers" cuz SHE KNEW...and then when they made YOU MAKE UP THE DAMAGE by distributing Scientology propaganda - they got you hooked. What is strange is that we always make up the damage to SCIENTOLOGY - never to the people we may have harmed.

In AA - they have a person make amends to people they have harmed if they can and if it is appropriate. This is more effective in really getting a person better.

The Catholics have confession but there is nothing anyone has to do but say some "Hail Mary's" and "Our Fathers"...no donating money or making up the damage to the priest or church!

I have had Catholics tell me this is very effective and gives relief.

Hubbard's version is designed to bait and HOOK!

It is the way the cult gets people in. It is very effective and one thinks they "have super powers" to have known you have sinned...the E-meter makes the "show" more real.

We all did it - we all got sucked into the scam!

Glad you are out Vinaire! I am just starting to read your story and felt the need to add my 2 cents.

 

[Knows]

[Previously posted on Beliefnet 12/7/02 8:21 AM]

As I walked toward the Dianetic Center at Central Square in Cambridge, I was literally shivering with excitement. I had already taken all the required psychometric tests. I had already paid $1000 for 25 hours of auditing.

I now sat expectantly in a chair waiting for my auditor. My auditor arrived. She was a young, pretty girl with rosy cheeks, sparkling eyes, and a bright, friendly smile. She motioned me to follow her to the auditing room upstairs.

There were two auditing rooms. The access to them was through the stairs built to a side inside the main hall itself. One climbed up the stairs to a low ceiling balcony. One had to cross the length of the balcony to the farther auditing room. A thick, metal hook protruded from the center of the low ceiling of that balcony.

I became aware of that metal hook only after my head struck it as I followed my auditor to the auditing room. I was stunned for a moment and stopped in my tracks. The creaking of the boards under my feet stopped and the auditor turned around to see what happened. She came and held me by my arms and waited for a moment. Somebody else came running up too.

My forehead was not bleeding. The auditor gently pushed my head forward to contact the metal hook again. I was told to let my head contact the metal hook several times exactly the same way that my head struck it the first time, except in slow motion. I had to move back and retrace my steps several times as part of this exercise.

Soon the pain of the impact receded and the fascination with this bizarre exercise captured my attention. It was explained that this action was called CONTACT ASSIST. It helped eliminate the after affects of an injury due to impact. It was same as the Dianetic principle of re-experiencing traumas to eliminate their influence upon oneself. CONTACT ASSIST helped an injury heal much faster. I was given a short description of this procedure to read.

I recalled this Dianetic principle from my study of the book DMSMH (Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health). It was a principle similar to the principle of de-hypnotizing a person. Say, a young man was hypnotized and told by the operator that whenever the operator touched his tie, the young man would feel as if his feet were on fire. The young man was then told that he would not remember this suggestion after he was brought out of hypnotic trance.

Later, let’s say, both the operator and the young man went to a party. Everything was going just fine until the operator touched his tie. The young man immediately started to feel as if his feet were on fire. He had seen the operator touch his tie but did not pay much attention to it as anything significant. However, that feeling of discomfort subsided as soon as the operator took his hands off the tie. But it would come back again whenever the operator touched his tie. Unbeknownst to him, this was a purely stimulus-response type reaction.

Now, let’s say, the operator takes the young man aside and shows him how it is the stimulus of touching his tie that causes the response of discomfort in his feet. As the young man observes this reaction happen again and again in a mechanical way in response to the same stimulus he may suddenly recall this association being established in the hypnotic session he had. At the moment of that realization, that hypnotic suggestion will suddenly lose all its influence to affect the young man. This phenomenon may be called de-hypnotizing.

Dianetics had found that injuries and losses that one suffered in life created traumas (engrams) that had the power to influence the person the way this hypnotic suggestion did. Such engrams created a condition for the individual that was much less than optimum both physically and mentally. A realization of the exact time, place, form and event of the moments of such injuries and/or losses then relieved a person of their adverse influence, thus restoring the person back to an optimum condition. This was the DIANETIC PRINCIPLE.

After completing my contact assist I proceeded to the auditing room. My first auditing session was a short one. I was asked to hold two cans connected to an E-meter. Then I was asked some questions about my present condition. I was allowed to speak all my concerns without interruptions or evaluations. I had the feeling that what I was saying was understood fully by the auditor. It allowed me to look deeply at my condition. The time passed swiftly. When I was done saying all that was on my mind about my condition, the auditor indicated, “Your needle is floating.”

In my naiveté, I understood that to mean that all my problems were now resolved. That was so quick, I thought. At that moment, I felt that way anyway. I went down the stairs with bouncing steps and announced to all the people in the room, “I have a floating needle.”

I was walking on air. But little did I know what was to come next.

.

Aghghghgh - the "Floating Needle" Cog for the 1st time. I had the same COG and was floating around the org saying "my needle floated". That cog died when I took the Pro TR's course - the FN is way too hard to read and I then realized the E-Meter did not work.

I envisioned a HUGE Floating Needle that would not take a microscope to read...it would be obvious. I never saw one that I knew for sure was a FN.... I was done with training. My auditing ended long ago when I cognited that it was a Bridge to bankruptcy!! There were no wins worth the money and time I spent on auditing any more...the big wins were in the beginning but they did not last...Scientology made sure of that!