What did you need most when you left Scn?

Discussion in 'Leaving Scientology' started by Petey C, Sep 12, 2011.

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  1. Petey C

    Petey C Silver Meritorious Patron

    Interesting that no-one said "money" -- maybe because there weren't a lot of XSO in the people who replied. I know I sure needed money as I had zip. Lucky I got a job. But actually it was probably 3 months later that I had stabilised enough to get work. How long did it take others?
  2. I needed space and to go someplace far away, where no one would know where I was, some place that was not on my life history form. I walked away with $100 in my pocket, stopped off at a thrift store to buy a change of clothes and a backpack and headed to the bus station. I had decided to go live in Paradise, I'd been there to visit and the name just seemed to call out to me.

    After spending a day in a hotel, I realized that I would run out of money before I had a chance to get a job. I went to a neighboring town to find a shelter since Paradise didn't have one. I lived with people that I would never have associated with before and was genuinely surprised at how caring they were. It became my PAB program. After 22 years of working nearly every day with a rare day off in between, I figured I'd earned some "do nothing" time. I took six months off to let go of all the charge that had accumulated and handle cycles that still kept me near the Org but by the end of six months I had wrapped up everything and I was completely free of that time. It took another year for me to be able to go back to that space without being in fear that someone would find me and make me go back. Now, even that is gone.
  3. La La Lou Lou

    La La Lou Lou Crusader

    What I needed was calm, peace and time, good food. Possibly even silence. Someone strong and trusting around is good, but no lectures, no advice unless I asked for it. Someone that believed in me. Someone who would listen and just let me speak when I needed to pour it all out.

    But I didn't get that because I didn't leave scn, I drifted away, for years I thought I might do steps A-E, or get a B of I or comm ev.

    It's only in the last couple of years that I realised that I had actually left and that there was no way I was going to go back into that hell. When I did realise it was from reading this board, and this board was here for me. I said what I had to say, enough to slam the door closed, and nail it shut. This board was exactly what I needed.
  4. Mike Laws

    Mike Laws Patron Meritorious


    I have been watching this thread for about a month, uncertain of how and whether to comment.

    After I left the SO, I spent most of 10 years trying to be a scientologist, on a personal and professional roller coaster ride. I wound up on the curb in Hollywood blvd with about $50 in my pocket, afraid to call my family because I thought I would be declared and didn't want to get them in trouble. Spent some nights in the Y, and then in Parks until I got a day laborer job (basically) doing construction/carpentry for cash. Over those 10 years I probably had 25-30 jobs. I wasn't qualified but couldn't see that I wasn't qualified, sometimes I had poor production, and sometimes (I only recently found out from Marty and Lisa Hamilton) a quiet word from someone in the Church if I was moving in a direction or with a company the COS didn't want, I would get fired. I can't honestly say how much of my failure was myself or the COS, but the COS influence as well as the cultural Scientology influence was poison to me, preventing personal growth. Those ten years, I made $50,000 or more 3 years, with most of the rest between $10,000 and $20,000 ... way below poverty level with a $600 a month child support payment I always made, though often late.

    If you asked me what I needed back then, I still would not say money. I occasionally had money, but didn't even know how to manage it. One point even got years behind in taxes, not that I owed much, if anything.

    I did not know how to live and function in Society, money would just have been a temporary bandage. I felt like a failure, if I would honestly evaluate myself, and my lack of success, career, money, merely confirmed it. I would get some auditing and courses, normally with loans from my Dad who wanted to help me, but it didn't really change anything in my life in the long run ... shining success stories ... keyed out ... would go back out into the world and flounder.

    What turned my life around was forcing myself into rock bottom, leaving every aspect of the Scientology world, stopping help and financial support from friends and family, living off my own ability and skill, learning where I had real skill and weakness, where I was strong and week.

    This included moving to a small town where there was no scientology.

    I got advice and moral support from friends and mentors which I believe are essential to recovery and life re-building or building.

    Ferrell and I have had some interesting conversations on pre-cult identities, that after we leave the COS, we tend to fall or rely on that pre-cult identity as a default. I had no pre-cult identity, was born into a Scn family and joined the SO at 15, it was all I knew. I had to create an identity and figure out who and what the hell I was, didn't really get to start until my mid 30s. Up until then I considered my primary identifier as "Scientologist". I honestly didn't really know what I could even do or accomplish.

    I started my own business, living and breathing it, working SO hours, not taking an average salary of more than $15,000 a year for the first 5 years, re-investing everything to create some capital and inertia. I learned, befriended successful people (honestly successful people, most scientologists that I considered were successful or OT WERE NOT REALLY SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE!), spent time with them, helped them, learned from them, asked them to mentor me. I am now doing fairly well, above the curve in many societal measures.

    My route was not easy, it was pretty brutal, but it worked and I don't regret it. It was what I needed, though I would prefer for others to have an easier time.

    After I stabilized my life and finances, I wanted to start helping others, especially Ex SO. Had some 3 dozen stay with me over 3-4 years. Probably half of these people had improvements in life after they left, half went on as they were before. Those that did well comment that was most valuable was time spent with them, mentoring, education, etc. Also someone from the same background that could build a successful life. Realizing that rebuilding a life took time, they should not be dissuaded by poor results for a week or month. Putting context between where they had been, where they were now, and where they could go. Time to decompress was a big one.

    My book keeper tells me (I have a hard time believing it) it cost about $200,000 to do the above, everything from food, travel through doctors bills through unrepaid loans, creating some jobs (rarely had a loan repaid). I never took or charged a penny for rent. Some people were great guests and obviously appreciated the time and help, others took it as something they expected. In hindsight I don't know how wisely this was spent.

    All of my friends that have done above average, including people like Marc Headly, we seem to share stories about hitting rock bottom and having to pull ourselves up. Marc and Claire struggled with minimum wage jobs when they first got started. My low was being a roto rooter man in LA, unclogging toilets of disgusting people living in shitty apartments telling me how awesome and famous they were, with me on my knees gagging trying to get a snake past a mountain of turds and toilet paper.

    I thought I knew what it would take, I thought I could help anyone, I learned I couldn't. Fundamentally, I believe there is a basic core decision that has to be made by a person:. Win or Fail, and if win, believe they are worthy of success and happiness, and that I/they are ultimately responsible for my/their own life. There has to be a core motivation to get one through the sacrifices and struggles that make up life.

    This seems the key, how to get there expeditiously or constantly I don't know.
  5. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Phew ... I'm glad you did choose to post this Mike, it's incredible.

    I wish you would post more, you seem to have insights into the cult that are well worthy of an airing and your personal story sounds worthy of a movie!

  6. Lynn Fountain Campbell

    Lynn Fountain Campbell Silver Meritorious Patron

    Just in case anybody else reading this needs the number, it's 1-866-XSEAORG or 1-866-973-2674. Or if you know where my shop is (Shear Perfection on Fountain Avenue by the Complex), just walk by there. It's on a big sign in one of the windows.

  7. Seriously guys...I'm all verklempt!!! :touched: I'm so glad you have all survived your cult experience, as many have not. Congratulations, give yourself a big hug! :happydance:

    :love2: I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! :grouphug:

    We do have a network of helpers, for anyone who needs practical help. Call Chuck at the number Lynn posted or get in touch with one of us via pm. If anybody here ever needs or wants to talk, I'm here for you. Just pm me.

    This song is dedicated to each and every one of you...and for all the lurkers who aren't talkin' yet! :biggrin:

    Yes, even for you, too, OSA members...chances are good that you're gonna be out on your butt too, one of these days....

  8. Osiris

    Osiris Patron with Honors

    When I got out of Scientology

    The things I needed most were Sleep.....:clap:

    Time for myself.......:clap:

    Time to reflect....:clap:

    Time to enjoy life again.... :clap:

    Time to spend my own money again..... :clap:

    & Time to repay all the loans I had got to buy Scientology Courses & Auditing.... :duh:

    I was $18,000 in debt (all loans to buy Scientology courses) .....& this, after Emptying my bank Account & selling my Assets.

    I had also been on Staff for a short time....

    I was lucky I was only about 30 at the time & had a job

    I would go to the Cinema most nights after work so I would not be home if Scientology called or came to see me..... & I would go away on the weekends for the same reason

    I reflected on it for a long time......& remembered all the ass hole things they had done to me while in..... & my quality of life was so bad, while in....... (but I also thought about it for a while that if I had A Squillion Dollars I might go back) .....but I would soon come to my senses.....& decide, that I did not want to go though that again :angry:

    It wasn't untill I discovered EXSMB that I discovered all the missing Answers....
  9. Demented LRH

    Demented LRH Patron Meritorious

    I was in Sea Org for only 6 months, so I had money in the bank. In addition, while working as a paralegal for OSA, I used to play poker for $$$, which was illegal in CA at that time, but I did not care. I used to make somewhere between $400 and $1000 on Friday and Saturday nights, so money was not a problem for me. It took me 2 weeks to get a job as a paralegal, prior to that I had a job as a telemarketer at a company whose owners were Scientologists.
    I was still a Scientologist at that time, but I was attending the CoS seminars only; I was not moving on the Bridge.
    I stopped being Scientologist after I read Hubbard’s screenplay Revolt in the Stars. At that time I was working as a stock market broker and taking classes at a NYC college aimed at MS in Financial Engineering. Scientology became unimportant to me after I begun taking college courses, so my departure from it was easy and painless.
  10. GoNuclear

    GoNuclear Gold Meritorious Patron

    I find it amazing how many folks still believe in paying back credit card debt after going into debt for Scientology, and/or paying back freeloader debts from the Cof$. I had that mindset at one time. I got to the point of screwing credit card companies and laughing at bill collectors any chance I get. Portfolio Recovery Associates, a bill collection outfit, was on my case. They are "The Terminator" of bill collectors but finally gave up on me. What a pity, I enjoyed playing with their fonebots whenever they called.

  11. smartone

    smartone My Own Boss

    Translation please...what's a doobie?
  12. afaceinthecrowd

    afaceinthecrowd Gold Meritorious Patron

    A Honkin' J.
  13. Ho Tai

    Ho Tai Patron Meritorious

    My money and my freedom. Got 'em both! LG!
  14. a twist, a rooster, a torpedo, a blunt, a ziggy, a honker.

    et cetera

    or perhaps somewhat more comprehensibly, a marijuana cigarette
  15. I haven't heard them called twists or Ziggys in a coon's age!:roflmao:

    :) Translation for foreigners:

    Called "Twists" because you twist the ends of the rolling paper after you roll one so the marijuana bits don't fall out...(then you lick both ends to seal...euwww...)


    Or a "Ziggy" after the ZIG-ZAG brand of rolling papers...with it's iconic label...


    I'm not a toker (marijuana smoker) but grew up surrounded by counter culture...it's all imprinted on my memory... :biggrin:
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2011
  16. Winston Smith

    Winston Smith Flunked Scientology

    A job? No, wait I got one. A really big Italian dinner! Food! To this day I don't know how we survived on air.
  17. KissMyStats

    KissMyStats Patron with Honors

    What I needed most was solitude and peace from the never ending pressure.
  18. DagwoodGum

    DagwoodGum What a long, strange trip it's been!

    I needed to re-kindle my interest level in the WOG world, the people that populated it and MEST itself as my focus had been going OT so that I could leave it all behind and find my nirvana. I realized that $CN was a one way bus ticket to the bottom of the socio economic scale in that I had unwittingly became a pawn in their quest for wealth and world dominance. It took me some years to reconnect with all I had left behind, including people, so I’d say I needed positive, uplifting and inspirational friends first and foremost.
  19. CarmeloOrchards

    CarmeloOrchards Crusader

    a joint, grass, weed, Mary Jane


    Ever hear of a band called the "Doobie Brothers"?