Terl
Patron with Honors
This is ridiculous. I've decided it's best for me to leave the CoS. The group I was involved in recently started a Way to Happiness program and I had offered my assistance, before deciding Scientology was no longer for me. Rather than continue to ignore emails about why I was not involved in the group like I said I would be, I decided to come clean and let who we'll call Judy, know my feelings. Here's what went down, with some edits as far as names and bracketed explanations:
My original email:
Note I was respectful and civil, giving only my opinions and as said in the email, leaving out specifics so as not to upset her. After a few days, I get this condescending, almost inane response from Judy that simply boils my blood:
A typical scientologist plexiglass response!!! It only confirms what the critics say about how scientologists can't just look at both sides of the story and can't think for themselves. I mean, Judy reacts to the email in completely the wrong way, and even admits to barely reading any of it.
My response:
I am very disappointed in how this went down and can't stop thinking about it! If you ask me, it sounds like I got under someone's skin.
Not that I even meant to...
What do you guys think about this???
My original email:
Hi Judy.
I'm sorry I told you I was commited to the project, but have shown no interest. This was not my intention. I was very commited to the idea but have since run into many, many issues having to do with my spirituality. It is a very tough subject to get into without breaking (INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER)'s servers when I click "send", but I can try to give you the low down. I already mentioned when we first got back into communication about my doubt, confusion, and anxiety about Scientology. Turns out that these were only the half of it. Without getting into it too deeply, I'll say that I 'granted some beingness' to Anonymous, and to the many critical people and websites. In Scientology, I was told to ignore these people and these topics, which I did. But it occured to me that not looking at ALL the data available is not neccessarily the best way to go about things. I thought, WHY are all these people so angry? WHAT are they protesting? It's gotta be something. (No, they're not being paid.) I made sure to be critical of the critics - still am - but there is a HUGE HUGE wealth of information that most Scientologists ignore to preserve their condition, or their case. Some of it has no validity, and some of it has plenty of validity. I cannot begin to imagine all the time I've spent reading, reading, reading. Listening, listening, listening. Watching, watching, watching. I've stayed up til sunrise several times absorbing information, and I STILL haven't read half of the critical stuff.
For me, much of it is too backed up by evidence, and much of it is agreed upon by countless people. It's not just a few SPs that maintain this data. It's people from all walks of life and in & out of every single level of Scientology. Being unable and unwilling to ignore this material anymore, I've began to look at the world differently, I've began to live my life differently. I feel more on a path of possibility, opening myself up to the idea that the tech, which I held so high and flawless in spite of my lack of course time for the last year or two, is not perfect. I say this is an issue with my spirituality, because I was very certain with my overall purpose and now am not.
I very much want to discuss this issue with Ken and Laura [family members] and get their take on it. I've had the opportunity to more than once but cannot seem to do it. I'm not sure why. I don't want to seem like I am challenging them, and I don't want to seem like I'm challenging you, either. If I'm coming across that way I don't mean to be. I am leaving out specifics for a reason.
Something pretty amazing would have to happen within the CoS, I think, before I could return to the fold. Something that casts aside any doubt any Scientologist has ever had, whether they're "in" or "out." I believe there is a lot of workable tech within Scientology and auditing, and I want to continue to explore it to find out. Have you ever heard of the "FreeZone", or "Ron's Org"?
If you don't know what those are, I can tell you. If you don't want to know, that's cool too!
Please don't discuss this with Ken and Laura until I do, okay? Maybe they will enlighten me to something I have never considered and I will be able to "as is" the situation. But for now I need to grow as a thetan, and this growth means I need to back off, just a bit.
This isn't some decision I've come to lightly. There has been turmoil, anger, tears, relief, joy,... everything! I hope you can respect my decision and respect that for me, this is the right decision. I know you think that this is the wrong thing to do, but for me and for this point in my life, it's not.
Please get back to me with your thoughts if you'd like, and again... I appologise for ditching you on the clean ups. I think it's awesome it's happening though. Great job!
Terl
Note I was respectful and civil, giving only my opinions and as said in the email, leaving out specifics so as not to upset her. After a few days, I get this condescending, almost inane response from Judy that simply boils my blood:
hi terl, i just got your mail from the 30th.
i didn't read it all, actually i barely read any of it.
i have forwarded it to the mission for someone else to deal with.
all i can say is that i can clearly see from what i DID read that there's a lot of stuff that needs to get straightened out by you, for you.
for now, to be honest, i'm not interested in getting anymore comm like this from you.
none.
it's enturbulating and invalidative of me, my job and what has helped me personally in more ways than you could understand.
i'm sorry you didn't just try to get in comm.
anyways,
i hope you work this all out.
and unfortunately ken and laura MIGHT need to know about this situation right away.
talk to you when i do.
judy
A typical scientologist plexiglass response!!! It only confirms what the critics say about how scientologists can't just look at both sides of the story and can't think for themselves. I mean, Judy reacts to the email in completely the wrong way, and even admits to barely reading any of it.
My response:
I already talked to ken and laura about it and got it straightened out, thanks. It's absolutely not your job to do that. I certainly never meant to enturbulate you...maybe if you read it you would see I was careful not to be invalidating and was merely pointing out my problems I had with the CoS and not with any of your/my beliefs. It's heavy shit, yes, I should know. I'm the one who's dealing with it. Why would I invalidate what makes your life better when it's made my life better, as well? I'll check my sent folder to make sure it came across as attended, and apologize for anything invalidating. But you know, aside from that, it really pisses me off you would react by saying you need to tell ken and laura about it right away and send a comm that was meant FOR YOU! to the entire mission. Not cool. If I wanted to express my concerns to everybody, I would have. This is a personal issue for me that I felt I wanted to involve you in because I trusted you. Good to know I should be more careful who I talk to, though, and that it's best to ignore comm rather than explaining why I feel the need to ignore it.
Let everyone at the mission know I will ignore any attempts to "handle" me, and that if I wanted to get in comm with someone further about these things, I would have/will. In fact, why not forward this email to everybody, too?
Thanks.
Terl
I am very disappointed in how this went down and can't stop thinking about it! If you ask me, it sounds like I got under someone's skin.
Not that I even meant to...
What do you guys think about this???