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Would you tell?

StickbyMe

Patron with Honors
So I have this beautiful wog girlfriend who I am very happy with. It's sort of been my policy for a while to not mention my Scientology history to the girls I date. I didn't care when I first got out of the SO, but as Scn's public image gets worse and worse, I've tried to edit that part of my life out. My being here on this forum proves that I cannot fully pretend it never happened, nor do I want to as I have some wonderful memories, and I was lucky enough to not have some of the experiences others here have had (spent most of my SO time off base, so I always had my own room, cooked my own meals, etc.)

She gets calls from Scientology herself from time to time (apparently she bought a book years ago), and I've never told her about my past involvement. My family is, for the most part, equally willing to edit Scientology out of all our lives, and they are aware that I've withheld this information from her.

Part of me wants to be more honest about this (the only real lie I've told her in the last year), but there's another part of me that... It's not that I think she'll leave me or even be weirded out by it, actually she called them Christian Scientologists, proving her unawareness of what the cult actually stands for. But I just am worried that talking about this part of my life will dredge up a lot of emotions, and that I'll have to talk about it more often than I'd like. I'm comfortable with a forum like this because I can be anonymous and just not log on if I'm not into it, be she will certainly have questions. The man I was when I joined the Sea Org and the man I am now are not that different, but to an outside observer, I think they would seem very inconsistent.

Anyway, I was wondering if anybody else has edited Scientology from their life history? Can you offer some insight? Am I kidding myself about this?
 

Petey C

Silver Meritorious Patron
Short answer: yes, I would. A few weeks ago there was a thread covering exactly this subject. Try checking out the "Life after Scientology" section under Forum. You may find some other responses there.

But to go back to your question, I've never hidden it from those closest to me. I don't always talk about it much either, but then it's been decades for me. Like it or not, Scientology is part of who we were and what we did. There's nothing dishonourable about having gotten in to Scientology, or getting out. It shows you have a curious mind, are willing to make commitments, and are capable of changing your mind when you see new information.
 

Idle Morgue

Gold Meritorious Patron
I think the indoctrination runs deep. You were programmed. I was in for 5 years and I hid all of my books and stuff from non-scilions. I was ashamed to be one. I did not understand why. In the beginning, I would talk about it and then slowly I was all alone. My non scilion friends stopped calling me. I had no idea as to why. Were they hiding crimes??? I finally read everything on the internet and blew my case completely.

I only tell my family and friends that will not judge me. I don't tell other friends that did not know. They would think I was weird for joining a Cult! They really have no understanding unless they saw Hitler and the Occult.

I think you will know if and when it is right. I was laughing my head off tonight with my Dad. We were discussing all of the nonsense that is Scientology. I finally got to the point of being able to laugh at myself and the crazy Cult that is this destructive group.

It is part of your life. It made you who you are. I am sure it made you stronger and wiser. All adversity in life does that if you want to see the good that came out of it.

Let us know what you decide.

:heartflower::flowers::heartbeat::love8::hug: All the best!
 

Neverknew

Patron
Stickbyme Scientology is not the only disappointment in the world and I'm sure your life. I have never been in the religion (ha ha) but I have been a part of other things that weren't what they were made out to be even helped with the deception- for appearances sake unhappy couples put on a show for friends and family etc. It is just psychosocial bs that goes on in our head that causes us to think and behave this way. If I were you I would find/make an opportunity to talk to her about SO and your experiences and be honest about your feelings about discussing it. You will not be free until you free yourself. She will ask questions of course curiosity is natural but if she loves and respects you then she will understand that you will be sensetive about it for a while. Your experience is a part of you and if you keep it locked away in the dark then there is part of you locked away in the dark. Why do you think you deserve that?
 

programmer_guy

True Ex-Scientologist
So I have this beautiful wog girlfriend who I am very happy with. It's sort of been my policy for a while to not mention my Scientology history to the girls I date. I didn't care when I first got out of the SO, but as Scn's public image gets worse and worse, I've tried to edit that part of my life out. My being here on this forum proves that I cannot fully pretend it never happened, nor do I want to as I have some wonderful memories, and I was lucky enough to not have some of the experiences others here have had (spent most of my SO time off base, so I always had my own room, cooked my own meals, etc.)

She gets calls from Scientology herself from time to time (apparently she bought a book years ago), and I've never told her about my past involvement. My family is, for the most part, equally willing to edit Scientology out of all our lives, and they are aware that I've withheld this information from her.

Part of me wants to be more honest about this (the only real lie I've told her in the last year), but there's another part of me that... It's not that I think she'll leave me or even be weirded out by it, actually she called them Christian Scientologists, proving her unawareness of what the cult actually stands for. But I just am worried that talking about this part of my life will dredge up a lot of emotions, and that I'll have to talk about it more often than I'd like. I'm comfortable with a forum like this because I can be anonymous and just not log on if I'm not into it, be she will certainly have questions. The man I was when I joined the Sea Org and the man I am now are not that different, but to an outside observer, I think they would seem very inconsistent.

Anyway, I was wondering if anybody else has edited Scientology from their life history? Can you offer some insight? Am I kidding myself about this?

Just be honest with her and tell her that you are no longer involved in SCN.
(Many of us got involved when we were young and naïve.)
 

Outethicsofficer

Silver Meritorious Patron
Yeah let her know I am sure you will manage whatever comes up.



Being as gentle as I can here, you may want to step back and take a look at this 'wog' thing...it is after all a Hubbardism and I am sure not what your real view of her is...just a suggestion, please take no offense.
James
 

ChurchOfCylontology

Patron with Honors
Why not treat it as any other previous relationship you've had in your life? It was an abusive relationship and it happened, but there's no need to scare off your partner with the weird details. And you have to trust that she won't hold your past against you.

I do recommend that you have your girlfriend listen to the YouTube lectures by Steve Hassan about just how easy it can be to fall for a cult. Hassan's use of personal stories, compassionate understanding, and behavioral theories (developed by REAL scientists, not a fake fat one) will help her understand the 'how' and 'why' questions she may have.
 

StickbyMe

Patron with Honors
Being as gentle as I can here, you may want to step back and take a look at this 'wog' thing...it is after all a Hubbardism and I am sure not what your real view of her is...just a suggestion, please take no offense.
James

I know it's not a popular term around here. But in some ways I relish living the wog life now. I worry about paying my bills and when my favorite TV show will be on. I work for my paycheck and use the money to buy toys and go drinking when it suits me.

Is it a hubbardism? Sure. But so is Scientologist.
 

LongTimeGone

Silver Meritorious Patron
Christ, it's not like you murdered someone.
You could just say you were in Scientology once and if she's interested you can tell her about it. If she's not, it's no longer on your mind.
"What's the worse that can happen?"
LTG
 

Thrak

Gold Meritorious Patron
Maybe when you really know her well but why bother now? That's what this board is for so you can talk about this embarrassing past many of us share without criticism. I don't say a word about it. It would just make me look stupid.
 
I almost never say to people that I was involved in Scientology.

In the one or two times where I did say something I told the person that I was in for awhile, but I never got that deep into it.

If you are going to marry the girl then before that time comes you should level with her. But for now, my opinion is that it can only have an averse effect.

The Anabaptist Jacques
 

StickbyMe

Patron with Honors
Christ, it's not like you murdered someone.
You could just say you were in Scientology once and if she's interested you can tell her about it. If she's not, it's no longer on your mind.
"What's the worse that can happen?"
LTG

You've kinda hit the nail on the head. I'm not worried she'll leave. I'm worried she'll be interested and want to talk about it. I'm worried that this will be a conversation topic in our lives. To me the ideal reaction would be to tell her and have her say "ok" and never speak of it again, but I don't really see that happening.
 

ChurchOfCylontology

Patron with Honors
You've kinda hit the nail on the head. I'm not worried she'll leave. I'm worried she'll be interested and want to talk about it. I'm worried that this will be a conversation topic in our lives. To me the ideal reaction would be to tell her and have her say "ok" and never speak of it again, but I don't really see that happening.

You may be right; this subject sparks a lot of interest in people. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have the same curiosity several years back (I've never been 'in'). But I really recommend that you both watch Steve Hassan's lectures on the subject. It may help her really understand the attraction and how mind control works.
 

BunnySkull

Silver Meritorious Patron
You've kinda hit the nail on the head. I'm not worried she'll leave. I'm worried she'll be interested and want to talk about it. I'm worried that this will be a conversation topic in our lives. To me the ideal reaction would be to tell her and have her say "ok" and never speak of it again, but I don't really see that happening.

No and it's not healthy to have a subject that's off limits, or dropping a big reveal about part of your life then limiting any further discussion. It's a big indication you haven't fully processed and dealt with your experience that your this uncomfortable with the thought of not just telling a loved one, but just having to discuss it period outside of your comfort zone (which appears to be teeny tiny). Have you ever considered going for a few conseling sessions just to deal with the issues that make it so difficult for you to discuss freely, or make you dread talking about it with your girlfriend?

If you truly want a real, close, intimate relationship with her you will have to tell her. However, giving your current thinking just be honest with her and says it's not something your entirely comfortable discussing in depth at this point, that it cause emotional distress on some level. I'm sure she will be understanding and maybe with that understanding it can be comfortably and slowly be discussed over time so not to be distressing for you or her.

You say your SO experience wasn't all that bad, but given your reluctance to talk about it with her I think you may be downplaying it's effects. You may not have had the horror stories of some, but I don't think anyone gets out of the SO without it exacting a very heavy toll mentally. The extremeness of it all, the manipulation and enforced concepts of being out-ethics and pulling it in, etc...isn't something to dismiss as no big deal, it is a big deal. I think than more than any other group within the CoS the SO gets the worst of the abusive nature of Scientology, since one it totally immersed into the culture and its most extreme thinking and behaviors. It takes a heavy mental toll.

If talking about it causes more turmoil or you can't find a comfort zone being open about it, then I would strongly suggest going in for a few conseling sessions to try and work through it. One thing to avoid is putting too much on your girlfriend if it truly dredges up psychological distress for you, because she is just your girlfriend not a psychologist. So if it turns out the past is a bit heavier a burden for you mentally than you indicate now, then do seek some professional help.

Really, I promise either way being open and truthful with her (and even discussing it) will be a very good thing, the burden of secrets and avoiding emotionally charged parts of your past is not good and causes harm over the long term - to you and your relationships with others.
 
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Reasonable

Silver Meritorious Patron
In the large scheme of things Scientology is a small insignificant nothing. I think if you treat it that way there won't be an issue. No one cares about Scientology, chances are she doesn't either.

I would treat it as a joke. "The stupid things I did when I was young" " I thought I was saving this sector of the universe!" "Can you believe that??"

People do all sorts of stupid things to help the group or mankind...They join the army and think they are defending our country.

It could have been worse, Its not like I was hooked on crack.

If you aren't idealistic when you are young you have no soul. If you are idealistic when you are old you have no brain.

If you make it insignificant so will she...because it is.
 

Miss Pert

Silver Meritorious Patron
I don't hide my having been a Scio from anyone, it is part of what made who I am today, and I don't mean because of the wins I had but because all our experiences in life, good and bad, make us who we are. Most people I tell are really interested in hearing about the cult, and I don't just tell the bad stuff but they get enough of it to know that it is pretty much insane. I haven't lost a friend because of it and no one has been interested enough to look further into it for themselves.

You don't need to make a big thing of it but I believe you do need to be honest about it. :yes:
 

The_Fixer

Class Clown
No and it's not healthy to have a subject that's off limits, or dropping a big reveal about part of your life then limiting any further discussion. It's a big indication you haven't fully processed and dealt with your experience that your this uncomfortable with the thought of not just telling a loved one, but just having to discuss it period outside of your comfort zone (which appears to be teeny tiny). Have you ever considered going for a few conseling sessions just to deal with the issues that make it so difficult for you to discuss freely, or make you dread talking about it with your girlfriend?

If you truly want a real, close, intimate relationship with her you will have to tell her. However, giving your current thinking just be honest with her and says it's not something your entirely comfortable discussing in depth at this point, that it cause emotional distress on some level. I'm sure she will be understanding and maybe with that understanding it can be comfortably and slowly be discussed over time so not to be distressing for you or her.

You say your SO experience wasn't all that bad, but given your reluctance to talk about it with her I think you may be downplaying it's effects. You may not have had the horror stories of some, but I don't think anyone gets out of the SO without it exacting a very heavy toll mentally. The extremeness of it all, the manipulation and enforced concepts of being out-ethics and pulling it in, etc...isn't something to dismiss as no big deal, it is a big deal. I think than more than any other group within the CoS the SO gets the worst of the abusive nature of Scientology, since one it totally immersed into the culture and its most extreme thinking and behaviors. It takes a heavy mental toll.

If talking about it causes more turmoil or you can't find a comfort zone being open about it, then I would strongly suggest going in for a few conseling sessions to try and work through it. One thing to avoid is putting too much on your girlfriend if it truly dredges up psychological distress for you, because she is just your girlfriend not a psychologist. So if it turns out the past is a bit heavier a burden for you mentally than you indicate now, then do seek some professional help.

Really, I promise either way being open and truthful with her (and even discussing it) will be a very good thing, the burden of secrets and avoiding emotionally charged parts of your past is not good and causes harm over the long term - to you and your relationships with others.

In the large scheme of things Scientology is a small insignificant nothing. I think if you treat it that way there won't be an issue. No one cares about Scientology, chances are she doesn't either.

I would treat it as a joke. "The stupid things I did when I was young" " I thought I was saving this sector of the universe!" "Can you believe that??"

People do all sorts of stupid things to help the group or mankind...They join the army and think they are defending our country.

It could have been worse, Its not like I was hooked on crack.

If you aren't idealistic when you are young you have no soul. If you are idealistic when you are old you have no brain.

If you make it insignificant so will she...because it is.

I don't hide my having been a Scio from anyone, it is part of what made who I am today, and I don't mean because of the wins I had but because all our experiences in life, good and bad, make us who we are. Most people I tell are really interested in hearing about the cult, and I don't just tell the bad stuff but they get enough of it to know that it is pretty much insane. I haven't lost a friend because of it and no one has been interested enough to look further into it for themselves.

You don't need to make a big thing of it but I believe you do need to be honest about it. :yes:

I'm with these guys...er, gals? Sorry.
 

Dulloldfart

Squirrel Extraordinaire
So I have this beautiful wog girlfriend who I am very happy with. It's sort of been my policy for a while to not mention my Scientology history to the girls I date. I didn't care when I first got out of the SO, but as Scn's public image gets worse and worse, I've tried to edit that part of my life out. My being here on this forum proves that I cannot fully pretend it never happened, nor do I want to as I have some wonderful memories, and I was lucky enough to not have some of the experiences others here have had (spent most of my SO time off base, so I always had my own room, cooked my own meals, etc.)

If you've got attention on it most of the time you're with her then tell her. You'll feel better. If you don't want to discuss it because of the emotional overtones, tell her that too, but I would suggest not volunteering that information until you need to as it will probably make her curious!

If you very rarely have attention on it, then don't tell her if you don't want to.

It seems pretty insignificant to your relationship in real terms, but if it's a big deal personally then tell her.

Paul
 

Neverknew

Patron
Just a thought...If I was her and you did not tell me for say a year or so and the subject had come up a few times I would be more inclined to believe that you felt like you did smthg wrong (your reason for waiting to tell) and I would be more curious and ask more questions then if you just told me what you could handle talking about and asked that I try not to bring it up that you will tell more when you are more comfortable.
 

La La Lou Lou

Crusader
Just a thought...If I was her and you did not tell me for say a year or so and the subject had come up a few times I would be more inclined to believe that you felt like you did smthg wrong (your reason for waiting to tell) and I would be more curious and ask more questions then if you just told me what you could handle talking about and asked that I try not to bring it up that you will tell more when you are more comfortable.

Yes exactly. The more you withhold it the worse it gets to mention. I would ask her more about the book buying thing and the way they keep ringing her and then bring up that you were caught up in it too. You might find then that she was Hubbard's chief typist and joint maker, with extra cocaine duties on Saturdays.
 
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